Criticizing Cam is a lot easier than beating him; also - my undefeated Eagles

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I know it's been more than a month since I've posted. I'm a busy man! Well, maybe not all THAT busy, but busy enough that writing for free is not my first priority. OK, enough about not writing ...

The big story here in Charlotte is that Cam Newton celebrates too much.

Newton has led his Panthers to a 9-0 start. Barring an epic collapse, he will be taking his Panthers to their first back-to-back-to-back playoff appearances ever. While Tom Brady almost certainly will be the NFL MVP again, Newton is in the discussion. He has improved markedly at every phase of quarterback play while remaining a lethal weapon as a runner.

Did I mention the Panthers were 9-0?

And yet thousands of folks here think he celebrates too much.

I guess they'd rather have Jimmy Clausen, who in his lone year as Panthers QB certainly didn't celebrate too much. Because QBs don't usually celebrate when they throw interceptions or get sacked.

Just the other day, I had this conversation with a fellow Panthers fan:

Him: "Who do you root for?"
Me: "The Panthers, of course!"
Him: "Yeah, they're doing great. But I don't really like Cam."

I've had versions of that conversation with many others, too. I had almost that exact conversation with a guy at a Panthers game this season. One they were winning. One in which Cam already had two touchdowns. It's the damnedest thing.

I wonder if there would be a backlash if Cam celebrated with the Discount Double Check or by sprinting downfield with his arms out -- to cite the most recent Green Bay stars at the position.

Guys who also happen to be white.

I mean, are there any Patriots fans who don't like Brady because he's often seen cursing profusely on the sideline? Are there Texan fans who don't like J.J. Watt because he celebrates his sacks?

I know, I know, I'm playing the race card with no proof. But sorry. I just think there's some racism involved, and that's sad.

What I don't hear fans say too often is what a great leader Cam has become. How when WR Philly Brown dropped a bunch of passes this preseason and was booed mercilessly for it, Cam was the first guy to embrace him and tell him to hang in there. Brown, by the way, hasn't dropped a single pass during the regular season. Coincidence? Maybe.

I also don't hear fans talk too often about Cam becoming a big-time positive contributor to the community here in Charlotte, about his many dealings with children, especially those less fortunate.

Yes, Cam makes the first-down signal when he runs for a first down and he dances when he scores and he hands the football to a little kid in the stands after a Panthers touchdown. Ipso fatso, he is too brash and lacks humility. Riiiight.

Anyway, I've really enjoyed watching Cam and the Panthers this season. It's fun to root for a team -- something I didn't do for decades as a sportswriter. And it's been extra fun because I really did start following them closely well before they started winning big. It's cool to see a player like Cam and a team overall grow up before my very eyes.

I'm not counting on a 19-0 run through the Super Bowl -- heck, the Panthers might lose to the Scalping Savages this Sunday. But I do think there's a legitimate chance they get to the Super Bowl and maybe win it.

And if they do, I plan to dance!

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Speaking of unbeaten teams, my Scholars Academy Eagles are 2-0 going into our Thanksgiving break. The girls have soundly defeated our first two opponents, but I think they realize those teams haven't been very good. We will get severely tested in our next two games against the only two teams that beat us last season.

Even though we lost our top three scorers from last season -- all great kids and leaders, too -- I am really liking this team's personality, experience and combination of skills. We are fortunate to have several eighth-graders who have been with me for two or three seasons, and it shows in the way they work together on the court and have fun with each other off the court.

My first-year point guard (second year on the team, but she was exclusively a wing last season) has been outstanding, and our center has been dominant. We have a lot of nice role players, as well. Mostly, we still play with great aggressiveness and passion, and that's the best way to win at this level.

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It's not the same as being undefeated, but my latest article on financial site Seeking Alpha marked my 17th consecutive "Editors' Pick" dating back to April.

It's always nice to get a thumbs-up.

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I promise I won't go another month (or more) without posting again. Next week is Thanksgiving, and that of course means my annual Turkey of the Year countdown.

I know the tens and tens of you reading this now can't wait!
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Today's High Five: Michael Jordan, Quitter Palin, Brett Favre, Steve Jobs and more

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5. Back in 1998, NBA owners thought they had a deal with players in time to save the entire season. Then an influential block of players -- mainly, those controlled by Michael Jordan's "superagent," David Falk -- nixed the deal. The lockout continued until a desperately negotiated agreement was followed by a sham 50-game season.

Flash forward to 2011. NBA owners, saying they are losing so much money it would make Mike Tyson's head spin, again have locked out their players. Once again, the start of the season is in jeopardy. Once again, prominent agents are threatening to scuttle any chance of an agreement.

This time, though, it is Jordan -- now the Bobcats owner -- who is crying poor. He says he and other owners of small- and mid-market franchises can't accept any new deal that doesn't include major concessions from the players.

Hmmm. I wonder what MJ the player (and his bobo, Falk) would have said about such a demand from MJ the owner?

In a related note ...

My son Ben, a Bulls season-ticket holder, is thrilled the league has canceled its entire exhibition season because now he'll get a full refund for those fake games.

The way the NBA, NFL and NHL force fans to buy tickets to make-believe games is borderline extortion.

Of course, nobody (not even Gilbert Arenas) held a gun to Ben's head, forcing him to buy season tickets.

4. Too bad Sarah Q. Palin, queen of the cash grab, formally announced she isn't running for president.

She had as much chance of getting elected as I do, and the comedy value of her bid would have been priceless.

3. Rather than congratulating Aaron Rodgers for leading the Packers to the championship and becoming one of football's best QBs, Brett Favre told an Atlanta radio station that Rodgers "just kind of fell into a good situation" and should have won a Super Bowl sooner.

This from a guy who, despite having outstanding talent around him most of his career, won all of four playoff games in his last 13 seasons. (Rodgers won four playoff games last season alone.)

Now that you've finally gone away, Brett, please shut the hell up.

2. I'd consider joining the Charlotte branch of Occupy Wall Street if I could figure out exactly what Occupy Wall Street stands for. Seriously.

1. Steve Jobs, the Apple founder who on Wednesday succumbed to pancreatic cancer after a long and brutal fight, was one of the world's most innovative men. One of the wealthiest, too. Even with all that money and fame, however, he couldn't stay alive.

He was only 56 years old.

Rich or poor, famous or anonymous, brilliant or stupid, happy or sad, beautiful or ugly, funny or serious, good or evil ... Death simply doesn't care.

Death gets all of us, whether or not we "deserve" to be gotten.

I think I've been trying to live life to its fullest, but maybe I need to try a little harder.

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Today's High 5 - NFL Edition

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5. Interesting strategy by Lovie Smith: preparing for the playoffs by letting the Bears' QB get pummeled again and again and again in a meaningless game. Maybe he was thinking that if Jay Cutler gets smacked upside the head often enough, he'll stop throwing the football to the other team.

4. Several other coaches whose teams previously had clinched playoff positions didn't play their QBs the whole way and gave numerous starters the week off. Every year, there is a debate about which strategy is the best, and the evidence is pretty inconclusive. Still, were I in this situation, I would minimize the risk to my QB and other important players. But hey, I'd also make my players stop carrying guns into nightclubs, so what do I know?

3. How would you like to be a Panthers season-ticket holder? The owner, Jerry Richardson, threw away the season by employing a lame-duck coach and letting some of the team's best players leave last offseason without getting any compensation in return. A contrite Richardson thanked fans for their loyalty and said he'd make it up to them by building a team they can be proud of again, but I'm guessing he won't reduce ticket prices. He's also one of the hard-line owners in the fight against the union that could cancel the 2011 season. Yep, a real man of the people. Makes me proud to be a Carolinan.

2. Eagles-Packers is going to be a great first-round playoff game. Mikie Vick is fun to watch and the Eagles have a lot of offensive talent, but I wouldn't want to be playing the Packers right now. They bring it on D, and have a pretty good QB themselves.

1. Given that Brett Favre looked 41 going on 65 this season, I finally believe him when he says he is retiring for good. In many ways, it's a shame he didn't leave after last season, when he was sensational, but it's hard to blame him for returning to try for an encore. Although Favre came out of 2010 looking like a scumbag for some off-the-field shenanigans, nothing that happened on the field diminished his legacy as one of the great QBs and competitors of all time. I'll miss watching him play.
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New Bobcats coach will need aspirin in bulk

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Like me, Paul Silas loves shopping at Costco. I just saw him filling his cart at our Charlotte store a couple of days ago.

Now we have something else in common: We're both coaches.

Silas is the new interim coach of the Bobcats after Michael Jordan decided that Larry Brown was no longer the man for the job.

If the Bobcats tune him out, at least Silas knows he can go to Costco and buy a 12-pack of new players.

As for my mighty Lady Bucs of Charlotte Country Day, we're 4-2 with 3 straight wins heading into our winter break. If we have a good second half of the season, I figure Michael will be calling to offer me the Bobcats job.

And in an unrelated story ...

It's somehow fitting that the Bears might have been the team to end Brett Favre's career. After all, over the years he ended the careers of many a Bear - head coaches, defensive coordinators, cornerbacks, safeties, quarterbacks ...
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Today's High 5

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5. NFL commish Roger Goodell loves to crack down big-time on players, even those who have paid their debts to society after acts that have nothing to do with football. Then, when he had the chance to lay down the law against that Jets strength coach who intentionally tripped a defenseless Dolphins player during a game, Goodell barely delivered a slap on the wrist. Instead of getting fired and barred from working in the NFL again - a punishment that would have fit a heinous football crime - the guy got suspended for a few games. Talk about a pathetic double-standard.

4. Thanks to the popped pimple that is the Metrodome, the Bears and Vikings will play next Monday at the University of Minnesota's new field. Beautiful. Two bad cold-weather teams forced to play in miserable conditions just a mile or so away from the domed stadium that turned the Viqueens into wimps in poor weather. Somehow poetic, no?

3. Is anybody with even half a brain still wondering why the Vikings didn't bench Brett Favre to play Tarvaris Jackson?

2. No matter what one thinks of Favre, his consecutive-games streak truly was one of the great accomplishments in sports history. Even if he needed performance-enhancing drugs (illegally obtained painkillers) to keep it going over the years.

1. Even Philly fans will have trouble booing Cliff Lee after he accepted significantly less - in both money and security - from their team while rejecting the Yankees and Rangers. Lee is a hero in Philly ... and he's still filthy, stinkin' rich. Makes you wonder why more athletes don't do this kind of thing.
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Plain and simple: Favre is fun

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A flick of the wrist, a perfect delivery, another impossible victory delivered by the greatest gunslinger football ever will know.

And that, my friends, is merely the latest example of why sport is a better thing with Brett Favre than without him.

Whether you love him or hate him, whether you are thrilled by his on-field exploits or dumbfounded by his off-the-field foibles, whether you're a Vikings fan or a Packers fan or simply a fan of good soap opera ... you shouldn't wish he'd fade away.

The man is many things, but boring is not one of them.

Personally, I hope Brett Favre plays until he's 50.
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Thome to Ozzie: This bomb's for you!

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The List

Three reasons why Minnesotans are happy they aren't Illinoisians these days:

3. While You Know Who is coming back to QB the Vikings, Jay Cutler is only a wannabe until he proves otherwise.

2. The Twins have Jim Thome. And, thanks to Ozzie Guillen's preference for bunters over bombers, the White Sox don't.

1. Minnesota's governor often is mentioned as the possible 2012 Republican nominee for the U.S. presidency. Illinois' last three governors: one jailed felon, one freshly convicted felon and one guy who is in so far over his head that his business card should have a picture of a shovel on it.

The Bald Truth

Well, at least Ozzie isn't stuck with that one-dimensional, lumbering lug Thome clogging up the basepaths and keeping Mark Kotsay from playing DH.

The Balder Truth

Jon Garland is still making Cubbie fans cringe. But hey, he's no Matt Karchner.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

As most of you know, I'm moving to North Carolina. I've been warned by a few locals there that some of their politicians are corrupt.

After nearly 16 years in Illinois, I could offer only this response:

"Some? Only some? Jeesh, what a bunch of lightweights!"

Icons R Us: From Favre to Kobe to Phil Ivey

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The Bald Truth

Frankly, I didn't pay attention to a single thing Brett Favre said as he talked about getting ready to play his first game in Green Bay since becoming America's most famous vagabond since Jack Kerouac.

It was his tone of voice - almost catatonic, as if he had been awakened from a deep slumber just in time for his midweek press conference - that told me all I needed to know.

He is working so hard to seem low-key, it's obvious he's not. The man is as nervous and anxious as a teenage boy going to his first high-school dance.

Which is perfectly normal. Favre doesn't want to show up for the dance, trip over his own two feet and land face-down in the onion dip. Pretty hard to impress the ladies, the peers and the onlookers that way.

I'm guessing Favre will be received quite well by the folks who spent more than a decade and a half naming their kids Brett.

And he should be. Favre created wonderful memories for those Cheeseheads. He won them a championship. He restored pride in all things Packer. He played hard and with the enthusiasm of a rookie, even when he was old and gray. He never missed an opening coin toss, no matter how crappy he might have felt on a given day. He gave his life and blood for that organization.

Yeah, it ended weirdly. Yeah, in recent years he's been more wishy-washy than John Kerry on a bad day. Yeah, it sucks for Packerland to see Favre in freakin' purple.

But it's all worked out pretty well for the Packers, too. There certainly aren't many QBs better than Aaron Rodgers.

Of course, Favre is approaching Sunday's return with great anticipation. I'm really looking forward to the game, too - and I'm not a Packers fan, not a Vikings fan and, last I looked, not scheduled to play in it.

The Balder Truth

The NBA season has begun, so I'm just a little tardy with my predictions:

The Lakers will beat the Celtics in the NBA Finals.

Kobe will repeat as MVP.

The Spurs will take the Lakers to 7 games in the Western Conference finals.

The Cavaliers will win fewer games with Shaq than they did without him.

LeBron will start shopping for real estate in New York.

The Bulls will increase their win total from 41 to 43 and again will lose in the first round of the playoffs.

Will that convince John Paxson and Jerry Reinsdorf to extend Vinny Del Negro's contract? Only if they are fools.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Imagine Phil Mickelson turning in a Masters scorecard with the wrong score marked down at No. 12. Or Kevin Garnett shooting at the wrong end and scoring an important basket for the opponent in the NBA Finals. Or Peyton Manning looking right at a wide-open receiver in the end zone and, instead of throwing the ball, taking a knee in the third quarter of the Super Bowl. Or Derek Jeter forgetting how many outs there were in Game 5 of the World Series and throwing the ball into the stands to allow a run to score.

Hello, Phil Ivey.

ESPN The Magazine's latest cover boy as "The Best Poker Player On Earth," Ivey had what should have been a winning flush on Day 8 of the World Series of Poker's Main Event. Instead, he simply threw it away.

I'm not saying he folded because he wasn't sure he could beat his opponent. I'm saying the betting already had ended for the hand and his opponent already had shown his two-pair when Ivey, without taking another look at his two face-down cards, mucked his ace-high spade flush into the discard pile.

Incredible. The best poker player on the planet, playing on the game's biggest stage, simply forgot what he had in his hand.

The mistake cost Ivey more than 2 million chips and was a huge part of his free-fall from near the chip lead to the brink of elimination.

This all took place shortly after a pre-recorded interview in which Ivey spoke of his heightened concentration level and his determination to finally reach the Main Event final table - a destination that has eluded him forever.

It's a tribute to Phil's skill that he was able to recover and qualify for the final table. And it's a lesson - a rather refreshing one, too - that even the masters screw up royally.

Baseball is batty about brooms

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The Bald Truth

MLB calls this a competitive postseason? I haven't seen so many sweeps since Lombardi was in his heyday.

An especially nice job - again - by the NL Central chumps. Since the Cardinals won the World Series in 2006, the Central champions are a combined 0-9 in the postseason. And don't let that 0-9 fool you; things weren't really all that close.

The Cardinals showed that one of the things we love most about sport - there simply are no guarantees - also serves as one of the most painful lessons.

An already decent St. Louis team did everything right, adding a star in Matt Holliday as well as solid role players Mark DeRosa, Julio Lugo and John Smoltz. And still ... bupkis! Swept by a Dodger group that stumbled into the playoffs having almost blown a huge division lead.

As former St. Louis pitcher/philosopher/poet Joaquin Andujar famously said:

"There is one word in America that says it all, and that one word is, 'You never know.'"

Pretty surprising the way the Angels took care of the Red Sox, too. Though the result isn't so surprising when we see that Kevin Youkilis, Jason Bay and David Ortiz combined to go 3-for-32, Josh Beckett was roughed up and Jonathan Papelbon had a 13.50 ERA.

Way to channel your inner Cub, boys.

Finally, there were the Yankees closing down the Metrodome in style. Cool that the underdogs from New York could prevail over the mighty Twinkies.

At least now Minnesotans can concentrate on important things: Brett Favre, Gopher hockey and ice fishing.

And Speaking Of Ice Fishing ...

Whoever stole autumn, give it back this instant!

The Balder Truth

Brilliant of the golf overlords to stage the Presidents Cup during the baseball postseason, the football and hockey seasons and the NBA preseason.

I don't know about you, but I didn't watch even one second of the thing ... and I love golf.

The real shame is that even after a dominant 5-0 showing, one U.S. golfer remains a complete unknown.

Here's hoping this doesn't scar that Woods kid for life.

The Quote

"Obviously, this is a low point for the organization and the fan base. This is not where we expected to be right now." - Bills GM Russ Brandon

Brandon, talking after his team lost 6-3 at home to the previously winless Browns, had been asked about coach Dick Jauron's job status.

Reports said Brandon declined to comment about Jauron. Really? Read that quote again. The GM said all he needed to say.

As an NFL coach, Dick Jauron is a nice guy and a decent defensive coordinator.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

I spent most of my weekend in Madison, where the missus and I rocked and rolled with our favorite band, Roger Clyne & The Peacemakers.

Clyne is best known for penning the King of the Hill theme song and the official Diamondbacks' anthem D-backs Swing. However, music insiders - and the group's legion of loyal fans - know him as a charismatic frontman and prolific producer of superior music.

If you want to learn more about a true rock original - and you should! - you owe it to yourself to check out THIS WEB SITE.

Here's to life!

Favre, Lions, Bears win; Tiger only kinda does

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The Bald Truth

Oh, so that's what all the Favre fuss was about.

Break Up ...

The Lions!

The Balder Truth

The one thing I don't want to hear is this team "shoulda won" a game or that team "shoulda lost." It's stupid.

One thing I've learned over the years is that, regardless of the sport, teams usually win the games they shoulda won over the course of a season.

Take the Bears. If you're not a fan, you just might claim that the Bears shoulda lost to Pittsburgh and Seattle. OK, but then do you allow that they shoulda won their opener at Green Bay? Can't have it both ways.

Same with Notre Dame. A relatively weak 3-1 team? Sure. But the Irish no more shoulda lost to Michigan State and Purdue than they shoulda won against Michigan.

At the end of the year, the shouldas balance out quite nicely.

But don't get me started about the postseason. I mean, everybody knows Marquette shoulda made it to the Final Four!

Look Who's All Grown Up ...

Heck of a game for Devin Hester, who reached down to make catches, jumped high to grab the football, ranged right, dove left, scored the winning TD and did everything within his power to make Jay Cutler look good all day.

Hester ... he's not just for punt returns any more.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Really, how satisfying was the 2009 season for Tiger Woods?

He proved he could return from knee surgery and still be great ... and he won six tournaments ... and he finished in the top 2 in more than half of the 17 events he entered ... and he won the FedEx Cup, the pseudo-playoff championship that might mean more if it weren't completely overshadowed by pro and college football.

Yep, it's been one heck of a year for The Greatest Ever. Still ...

He repeatedly has said he measures success only by number of majors won, and he won as many as you and I did (unless your name is Y.E. Yang, Stewart Cink, Lucas Glover or Angel Cabrera) ... and he missed the cut in the British Open ... and he had the PGA Championship in his grasp until he - gulp! - choked it away ... and he captured the FedEx Cup for the second time in three years despite not winning its premier event, finishing second to archrival Phil Mickelson in the Tour Championship.

"It feels certainly not like it did a couple of years ago when I won the tournament," said Woods, who had to work very hard this time to force a smile when accepting the FedEx trophy.

Hey, the rest of us should have only those kinds of disappointments in our lives, right?

Well, yeah. But then again, the rest of us aren't Tiger Woods.

Cubs won't get swept in playoffs this year

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The Bald Truth

Very nice of the Cubbies to save their fans so much autumn angst.

The Balder Truth

In a shocking development, Lou Holtz looked into the ESPN cameras the other day and predicted Notre Dame would play in the BCS Make-Believe Title Game.

Next on the Worldwide Leader: Digger Phelps goes out on a limb in forecasting a Big East hoops championship for the Fighting Irish.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Word is, some Vikings prefer Tarvaris Jackson to Brett Favre.

Um ... have these Vikings actually watched Tarvaris Jackson play?

It is Favre's life, isn't it?

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The Bald Truth

Nobody likes a waffler, a flip-flopper, a dude who can't make up his stinkin' mind. But enough about Barack Obama and his health plan.

Seriously, why all the hate for Brett Favre?

Obviously, most folks in Minnesota are loving their newest Viking hero. And most people in Green Bay don't appreciate Favre now throwing for the enemy. And, of course, most Chicagoans would spit on Favre no matter his team (unless it was da Bears, my friend).

Otherwise, what's the big deal? Why are so many people so upset that Favre can't bring himself to walk away from the game he loves?

Michael Jordan felt some of the same hate way back when. So did Sugar Ray Leonard. It made no sense.

Once upon a time, we hated quitters. Now, apparently, we hate guys who won't quit.

If Favre ends up stinking up the Humptydome, that's his problem (and the Vikings' massive problem). He's the one taking the risk (though perhaps not as big a risk as Minny's taking).

Some would argue that he's just being selfish. Well ... duh! If you can name one pro athlete who isn't at least a little selfish - and three who aren't a lot selfish - I'll be very impressed.

Bottom line: If you retired from your job but almost immediately had misgivings, and then a different employer in the same field offered you big money, killer benefits and ideal working conditions ... I'm guessing you'd make a comeback, too.

And I, for one, wouldn't hate you because you waffled.

The Balder Truth

Viking fans haven't been this giddy since 1989, when an already good team brought in Herschel Walker as the final piece of its championship puzzle.

That turned out pretty well, no?

THE BALDEST TRUTH

And speaking of old jocks who keep on keeping on ...

Nice move by the Cardinals to pick up John Smoltz - and for a heck of a lot less money than the Vikings are paying Favre.

If Smoltz works out as the No. 5 starter, he could be the difference in the pennant race.

If he fails, he likely will not have been hit any harder than the other bottom-of-the-rotation noodle-arms the Cards have been trotting out there. In other words, the team probably will have been no worse off.

Besides, this is starting to feel like one of those stretches in which just about everything the Redbirds touch turns to gold.

So figure Smoltz for a few wins - no doubt backed by Matt Holliday homers, Mark DeRosa RBIs and Julio Lugo fielding plays.

Why, Tony La Russa will be so happy, he actually might think about smiling for a second.

Vikes insist on wearing purple, so Favre takes a pass

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The List

Top five reasons Brett Favre decided against coming out of retirement to play for the Vikings:

5. "If I can't play with the Bears' Adrian Peterson, I don't want to play with any Adrian Peterson at all!"

4. "Purple only looks good on Whoopi, Barney and Prince."

3. "It's my dream to play baseball, and Jerry Reinsdorf has a spot for me on the Birmingham Barons."

2. "That control freak Roger Goodell won't let me wear Wranglers during games!"

1. "I don't want anything to happen on the field that might tarnish my Jets legacy."

The Bald Truth

A walk and a hit?

After only 15 perfect innings?

Boy, Mark Buehrle sucks!

The Balder Truth

We got a look at what makes a perfect game so damn near impossible - and even a shutout an outstanding accomplishment.

Though he pitched masterfully again Tuesday, Buehrle was charged with five runs and a loss because neither LF Scott Podsednik nor 2B Chris Getz could make what should have been routine plays.

Ah, but give Podsednik and Getz a break. They aren't perfect, you know.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Twinkie fans at the Humpty Dome cheered for Buehrle after he walked Alexi Casilla with two outs in the sixth, gave him a standing O again after he gave up a single to the next batter, Denard Span, and cheered long and loud until he tipped his cap after he was taken out of the game in the seventh.

I wish I could say I was surprised by the classiness of Minnesotans, but having spent a very enjoyable decade of my life there, I'm not.

Folks there are nice. Period.

Seems the cold weather keeps the riffraff out.

Da Hypocrite

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The Bald Truth

From the Do As I Say Dept., we bring you these words of wisdom in the L.A. Times from Da Coach, who was asked about the Vikings' wooing of Brett Favre:

"What's the message folks up there are sending their quarterbacks? 'You're not good enough. I'm going to bring in somebody better than you.' Come on. I'm not really sure I understand it, but then again, that's me. You build from within."

So says the guy who benched everybody for Doug Flutie.

The Quote

"I didn’t kill nobody, I didn’t rape nobody, so that’s it, I’m just going to come and play the game." - Manny Ramirez, in his first interview with reporters since being suspended for getting caught with his hand in the steroid jar.

Predictably, some people have their undies in a bundle over Ramirez's choice of words. They are accusing him of downplaying the seriousness of murder and rape.

If they actually read and think about his words instead of having knee-jerk reactions, they might realize that Ramirez was saying murder and rape are serious, horrible acts - much worse than, say, taking performance-enhancing drugs.

These days, the only times I really get outraged is when knee-jerk yahoos get outraged about crapola like this.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Was it only three weeks ago that the White Sox thought they had won the Jake Peavy Sweepstakes?

Well, if they keep losing at the rate they're losing, they'll be sellers instead of buyers by month's end.

It's gotten so bad that Ozzie Guillen and his troops are talking about how satisfied they are after well-played losses.

Way to shoot for the basement, boys!

Jack Bauer's sports to-do list

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If we're to believe where 24 was steering us at the end of another hellish "day," Jack Bauer will be back after doctors use his daughter's stem cells to rid his body of toxic pathogens.

Anyway, now that he's saved the world again, here are ...

Five things we can expect from Jack during his next day at the office:

5. Short-circuit all television satellite feeds into the White House, thereby protecting President Obama from exposure to lethal doses of the White Sox.

4.  Force Terrell Owens to listen to Paul Warfield, John Stallworth, Raymond Berry and other classy receivers who rarely dropped the football, never blamed their QBs and actually won something during their careers. And by "force," all 24 fans know what that means.

3. Administer truth serum to Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, Alex Rodriguez, Manny Ramirez, Sammy Sosa, Mark McGwire and so on and so on and so on. And don't worry about this being too difficult. If approached with syringes, these fine gentlemen aren't likely to resist.

2.  Make Brett Favre make up his mind. Do whatever it takes and use every means at your disposal. One way or another, the madness must end.

1. Stop terrorist attacks? Yawn! Really impress us and stop the BCS.

Manny Being Flimflammy

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The Bald Truth

Manny Ramirez suspended? I blame it all on A-Roid's cousin.

Ozzie Being Ozzie

"He should apologize to his wife. Seven million dollars? My wife would kill me."

The Balder Truth

You know the news on Ramirez news is big when it knocks the latest breathless Brett Favre update - he's staying retired ... for today, anyway - to after the first commercial on SportsCenter.

Ozzie Being Ozzie II

"It depends on how you look at the word 'cheating.' Cheating is when you get caught."

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Well, folks, I'm shocked - Shocked! - that a superstar slugger producing big numbers in what should be the twilight of his career tested positive for a banned substance.

Shocked! Stunned! Flabbergasted! Flummoxed!

I mean, who would have guessed that one of our noble, athletic heroes ever would cheat?

But hey, at last Manny had a valid excuse: His dog ate the list of banned substances.

Any sucker who believes any of these flimflam artists - or their flimflammier agents - deserves to feel betrayed when the truth comes out.

Of course, that assumes that any fan actually gives a rat's rear about any of this any more.

Frankly, I'm numb to it by now, and I'm guessing you are, too.

It's Favre's life

^

The Bald Truth

In my previous post, I likened Brett Favre to a punch-drunk fighter seeking one last shot at glory. That led some to believe that I don't think Favre should come back to play for the Vikings or any other team.

Hey, Brett Favre should do whatever Brett Favre wants to do.  If he wants to play for the Vikings and they want him, good for him and good for them. It says here that he'd still be in the upper half of NFL QBs, still be fun to watch, still be a great story.

As a bonus, he'll also drive my buddy Twin Cities Rick - a Vikings lover and Favre hater -absolutely bonkers.

I don't really understand the folks who get all bent out of shape about this kind of thing. There were people outraged that Michael Jordan suited up for the Wizards and that Bobby Orr finished his career in Chicago and that Jim Palmer thought he could pull an Orioles uniform over his boxers when he was 40.

Did any of these guys hurt anybody? Did any of them they damage his "legacy" - one of the most overused (and misused) words by today's columnists and sports-radio yakkers.

I mean, does anybody really think less of Jordan or Orr or Palmer today? 

Brett Favre's legacy will be fine, whether he plays another year or not. 

If he's great, we get to enjoy a legend one more time. If he stinks, we get to make fun of him.

It's win-win, baby.

The Balder Truth

According to reports out of Havana, a 65-year-old man broke his own world record by creating a 142-foot long cigar.

Sources say he immediately scored a date with Monica Lewinsky.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

I'm still getting the occasional e-mail from folks wondering why my columns haven't been in their local newspapers. Four months after GateHouse decided that shedding my $8.9 million salary would be the answer to all of their financial difficulties, it's nice to be missed.

These days, in addition to my silliness here at TBT and looking for gainful employment, I'm freelancing a couple times a week for AP - the world's largest news-gathering service and my employer for the first 16 years of my career. 

Most recently, I covered Tuesday's Cubs-Giants game and also wrote a story about Bobby Scales, the 31-year-old who finally got to make his big-league debut after 11 years in the minors.

I'm also spending more time doing some of the things I like, such as hanging out with my wife and son, reading books and, now that spring has arrived, playing a little golf.

Wednesday offered a rare treat: a round of golf for four columnist (and ex-columnist) buddies. Our foursome at Buffalo Grove Golf Club: the Tribune's Rick Morrissey, the Daily Herald's Mike Imrem, the SouthtownStar's Phil Arvia and me.

I won't bore you with details except to say I surely would have posted the low score had rain not kept us from playing No. 18. 

All I would have needed was a hole-in-one from 425 yards. Talk about a gimme.

The Cubbies' day off

^

The Bald Truth

Lou Piniella gave a day off to just about every Cubbie with a pulse. While the Giants sent out their Cy Young winner, Tim Lincecum, Piniella countered with his No. 5 starter, Sean Marshall. Oh, and the Cubs would be without the services of their only two effective relievers, Carlos Marmol and Kevin Gregg, because they had been used so much lately.

If the Giants had lost this game, they might as well have canceled the rest of the season.

And if the Cubs had won it, the question wouldn't have been if they'd win the World Series but if they'd sweep through the postseason in 11 games.

Giants 6, Cubs 2.

Whew! All is right in the universe.

The Quote

"I'm mad at him today. He gave me a day off. They have to pay me anyway, so why not play me?" - Alfonso Soriano, joking (I think) about Piniella forcing him to take a day off.

The Balder Truth

So why did Lou do it? Why did he all but throw Tuesday's game?

Well, because it's a long season. And good managers know they must be willing to lose a game in May to win a season.

Still, just because I understood his motivation, it doesn't mean I agreed with Piniella's strategy.

OK, rest a guy. Maybe even three. But five? Really?

I mean, why not at least play Milton Bradley, the left-handed slugger the team bought for $30 million specifically to give them a chance against a bat-eating righty like Lincecum?

Then there's this: Nearly 40,000 fans bought tickets to this game. They deserved to see their heroes field more than a spring training B-game squad. 

But hey, Piniella has tried pretty much everything else, right?

Maybe this strategy actually will help the Cubs win one stinkin' playoff game.

Or maybe not.

Oh My (Baseball) Gods

In what might be the most incredible thing to happen this entire baseball season, Rick Ankiel was able to stand around his locker and chat with reporters less than 24 hours after his horrific head-first crash into the center-field wall.

It's as if the baseball gods were apologizing for all the suffering they put him through during his years as a pitcher.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

ESPN is reporting that Brett Favre will meet with the Vikings this week.

And this is shocking ... how?

No matter how punch-drunk the fighter is, he always thinks he has one more knockout in him.