Today's High Five - Baseball Edition

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5. Any day now, Derek Jeter will become the 28th player in major league history to achieve the 3,000-hit milestone. His pursuit already has garnered more publicity than the other 27.

Combined.

Please, oh god of baseball (and all things ESPN), let it happen already!

4. Can't we just bronze Albert Pujols and put him in the Hall of Fame right now?

3. I can't remember ever seeing a lamer effort at preventing a home run than the one turned in by White Sox centerfielder Alex Rios on Wednesday. He took his time pursuing Eric Hosmer's sky-high deep fly off Edwin Jackson and never even jumped as the ball bounced off the top of the wall and over the fence to give the Royals a 2-0 lead in a game they'd win 4-1.

How bad was it? Even the biggest homer in all announcing, Hawk Harrelson, ripped him.

Rios did manage one hit, lifting his batting average to a robust .216. Hey, what do you expect from a guy only making $70 million?

One thing's for sure: Had Rios -- not Dewayne Wise -- been playing center field for the White Sox on July 23, 2009, Mark Buehrle wouldn't have pitched a perfect game.

2. I don't envy the Mets when it comes to dealing with Jose Reyes.

As he's showing this season, when healthy he is one of baseball's most dynamic, valuable players.

Far too often, however, Reyes is not healthy. In fact, he's out with a tweaked hamstring right now.

How can the Mets afford to sign such a fragile dude to the nine-figure contract he'll demand as a free agent this offseason?

Then again, given their talent level, how can they afford not to?

1. Five years ago, Aramis Ramirez and first-year Cub Juan Pierre were high-paid players in contract years. Both were so awful in the first third of the season that they condemned the team to abject failure.

Both players went on to perform well when the pressure was off and earned ridiculously rich new contracts after the season.

Flash forward to 2011. Ramirez and first-year Cub Carlos Pena are high-paid players in contract years. Both were so awful in the first third of the season that they condemned the team to abject failure.

Now that the Cubs are approximately 1,000 games out of first place and the pressure is completely off, both Ramirez and Pena are smashing the ball all over the place.

What a surprise.

The biggest myth in all of baseball is that Aramis Ramirez is a good clutch player. Truth is, he's one of the biggest chokers in modern history.
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Obviously broken, NCAA tourney needs a fix

A few thoughts from a wild sports Monday:

++ A great championship game caps a great tournament. Yep, the NCAA surely needs to fix this thing by adding dozens more teams and making it every bit as compelling as the BCS.

++ You know what would have been crazy? If Gordon Hayward would have made that desperation heave at the buzzer only to have the refs wave it off for the obvious, nearly injurious moving screen set by Butler teammate Matt Howard.

++ Here's the main difference between the BCS and the NCAA hoops tournament: The first tries to secure a matchup of the "best" teams as determined by voters and computers; the second seeks to crown a worthy champion as determined by actual competition.

++ It's fun to root for the underdog, yes. It's also proper to admit that the Dookies had one hell of a tournament.

++ A few days before the season opener against the Braves, Carlos Zambrano said: "They're a very good team but I think we're better. Let's rock and roll." Well, consider Cra-Z rocked and the Cubbies rolled.

++ I was at the White Sox opener and witnessed what probably will be the best fielding play of the entire season: HERE IT IS. Oh, and by the way ... Mark Buehrle also turned in the day's best pitching performance. Forget all the Cubbie pretenders and give this guy props for being by far Chicago's best pitcher this past decade.

++ It says something about something that, within seconds of each other, White Sox fans booed video highlights of Barack Obama throwing the first pitch for the Nationals and then cheered the Sox debut of has-been Andruw Jones.

++ Were I at the Tiger Woods press conference, I would have asked only one question: "Why is anybody even bothering to ask a confirmed, notorious liar to tell the truth about anything?"

Fun with stats

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The Bald Truth

After pitching his no-hitter against the Rangers on April 18, 2007, Mark Buehrle won only one of his next eight starts and had a 4.61 ERA through June 9 as the White Sox tumbled helplessly out of the race.

After throwing his no-no against the Astros in that hurricane-displaced game at Milwaukee on Sept. 14, 2008, Carlos Zambrano was 14-5 with a 3.41 ERA in 28 starts. Cra-Z then allowed 13 runs in his final two regular-season outings, was lousy (and received lousy defensive support) in losing his only playoff start and has followed in 2009 with his worst season as the Cubs have been baseball's biggest busts. Total stats since the no-hitter: 8-8 with a 4.32 ERA over 29 games for the $91.5 Million Man.

After pitching his perfect game against the Rays this past July 23, Buehrle was 11-3 with a 3.28 ERA. Batters were hitting .247 against him, with a .286 OBP and .411 slugging average. Since then, he is 1-6 with a 4.91 ERA in 11 starts and batters are at .322/.366/.496 against him. No wonder the Sox have spiraled to oblivion.

So here's a little tip for all future Chicago pitching aces: Whatever you do, avoid throwing no-hitters!

The Balder Truth

Say this much about Milton Bradley: He made the Cubs interesting to follow this season.

Yep, they weren't nearly as boring as in 2008, when they were stuck with Mark DeRosa and the rest of a 97-win team.

Oh, and by the way, DeRo on Monday hit two more homers for the victorious Cardinals.

Jeesh ... talk about rubbing it in.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Projecting the results backward from the moment the Cubs banished Bradley to baseball's Nowhere Land, here is an irrefutable fact:

Had they never signed him, they'd be 149-0.

Take that, Cardinals!

This Jason is slashing victim (at last)

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The Bald Truth

If this is the end of the line for Jason Giambi - and if there is a baseball god, it is - what will you miss most?

A. His heartfelt non-apologies for turning his rump into a syringe-cushion.

B. His tats and porn-star 'stache.

C. His slick fielding prowess at first base.

D. His juice-fueled theft of the 2000 AL MVP award.

The Balder Truth

Yankees? No problem.

Angels? No problem.

Indians? BIG PROBLEM, even with Mr. Perfect on the mound to oppose them.

If anybody out there has figured out the White Sox, please let me know the deal.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

I knew it wouldn't take long for Kyle Orton to hit his stride with the Broncos: Training camp has barely begun and Denver fans already are booing him.

What I really didn't expect, though, was for them to start chanting: "We want Rex!"

Vikes insist on wearing purple, so Favre takes a pass

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The List

Top five reasons Brett Favre decided against coming out of retirement to play for the Vikings:

5. "If I can't play with the Bears' Adrian Peterson, I don't want to play with any Adrian Peterson at all!"

4. "Purple only looks good on Whoopi, Barney and Prince."

3. "It's my dream to play baseball, and Jerry Reinsdorf has a spot for me on the Birmingham Barons."

2. "That control freak Roger Goodell won't let me wear Wranglers during games!"

1. "I don't want anything to happen on the field that might tarnish my Jets legacy."

The Bald Truth

A walk and a hit?

After only 15 perfect innings?

Boy, Mark Buehrle sucks!

The Balder Truth

We got a look at what makes a perfect game so damn near impossible - and even a shutout an outstanding accomplishment.

Though he pitched masterfully again Tuesday, Buehrle was charged with five runs and a loss because neither LF Scott Podsednik nor 2B Chris Getz could make what should have been routine plays.

Ah, but give Podsednik and Getz a break. They aren't perfect, you know.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Twinkie fans at the Humpty Dome cheered for Buehrle after he walked Alexi Casilla with two outs in the sixth, gave him a standing O again after he gave up a single to the next batter, Denard Span, and cheered long and loud until he tipped his cap after he was taken out of the game in the seventh.

I wish I could say I was surprised by the classiness of Minnesotans, but having spent a very enjoyable decade of my life there, I'm not.

Folks there are nice. Period.

Seems the cold weather keeps the riffraff out.

White Sox: Perfectly momentum-resistant

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The Bald Truth

Game 1: Tigers 5, White Sox 1

Game 2: Tigers 4, White Sox 3

So much for Perfection-Fueled momentum!

Stat of the Day

The White Sox are 15-5 in games started by Mark Buehrle, 35-42 in games started by the less-perfect members of their rotation.

Solution: Let Mr. Perfect start every game.

The Balder Truth

Attention, President Obama! Attention, Lou Piniella!

The guy who made The Perfect Catch is DeWayne Wise ... as in "Hey, youse wise guys!" 

His name's not "Weiss." So stop calling him that!

Quote of the Day

"I guess if we're not scoring runs, then he hasta figure out a way to drive 'em in himself." - Reds manager Dusty Baker after Friday's starting pitcher, Aaron Harang, an .090 career batter, hit his first home run since high school in Cinci's loss to the Cubs.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

After crying poor despite their loyal fans filling their ballpark day after day, season after season, the Cardinals finally have gone on a shopping spree.

Matt Holliday has joined Julio Lugo and Mark DeRosa to surround Albert Pujols in the batting order. And in the first game with the new lineup, the Redbirds put an 8-spot on the Phillies.

Now, if only the Cards have a few pennies left over for Roy Halladay to join their rotation - and to give them a roster including both Halladay and Holliday. What a jolly holiday that would be, eh?

You know, spending billionaires' money is one of my favorite hobbies.

Perfection!

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The Bald Truth

I love the term "perfect game." I don't know who coined it and I don't really care. I just love it.

Because it takes perfection to do what Mark Buehrle (and only 17 big-league pitchers before him) did Thursday. Perfection by the lead actor, and perfection by his supporting cast.

The Rays rarely hit the baseball hard against the White Sox ace all day. There were a couple of foul line drives and a couple shots hit right at perfectly-placed infielders. Buehrle only faced five 3-ball counts all day. The game took just 2 hours, 3 minutes to complete.

Pretty damn perfect.

When it looked like the perfection might end, DeWayne Wise made a perfect play in center field, scaling the wall to rob Gabe Kapler of a ninth-inning home run.

Ozzie Guillen had just made a perfect managerial move, getting Wise into the game, moving Scott Podsednik from center to left and putting lumbering Carlos Quentin on the bench. Podsednik doesn't make that catch. Period.

Josh Fields, who has been perfectly awful pretty much all year, picked the perfect time to hit a grand slam. His second-inning shot ensured that Buehrle never really had to worry about the outcome, just the perfect game.

And Ramon Castro, who as A.J. Pierzynski's backup rarely plays, caught perfectly, too. Buehrle never shook him off all day - which is especially amazing given that the two had never before been batterymates.

There are so few perfect performances in sports - or in any walk of life. It was an honor to have been in the ballpark to witness this one.

Good Guys Finish First

Mark Buehrle is Everyman, so when he does something special - and he's done a lot of special things in his fine career - you have to appreciate it even more.

He's not a hulking dude with a 100 mph heater, not an intimidating character with a wild mustache, not a nervous Nelly, not a me-first yahoo. He's just a regular guy - a 38th-round draft pick, for cripe's sake - who happens to be capable of getting big-league batters to make outs.

He's a clubhouse cutup, a fun-loving fool, a self-depricating guy who often is described as "the perfect teammate."

His body? He looks more like a sportswriter than a multimillion-dollar athlete. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

It's refreshing that Everyman can pitch two no-hitters, including a perfect game, and be part of a rotation that delivered Chicago's only baseball championship in the last 92 years.

One of my favorite things about Buehrle: He's jinx-proof.

In both Thursday's game and in his 2007 no-hitter, he laughed at the entire idiotic notion of jinxes.

You know how teammates aren't supposed to go anywhere near a guy pitching a no-no? Well, on Thursday, Buehrle was going up to his teammates and asking them, "So, you think I'm gonna do it?" He and Pierzynski talked about what was happening between just about every inning.

If the perfect game was going to happen, it was going to happen.

And it happened.

How perfect.

The Balder Truth

Aside from his family and perhaps his teammates, Buehrle's biggest fan Thursday was a guy who hadn't stepped foot in U.S. Cellular Field since 2002: Jim Parque.

Why? The former mediocre Sox lefty had written a first-hand piece for Thursday's Sun-Times in which he admitted to taking HGH in an effort to overcome what proved to be a career-ending injury. (Click here for the account I wrote for AP.)

Several media types, including my good buddy, Tribune columnist Rick Morrissey, were at the ballpark expressly to write about Parque.

Personally, I find it hard to blame Parque for trying to save his career. It's not as if he was jabbing himself with needles full of anabolic steroids hoping to get bigger, stronger and faster. I have a bigger problem with him lying after he was named in the Mitchell Report, blaming others for his own actions.

Anyway, Parque was going to be the big headline in Friday's newspapers and the big story on Chicago's TV and radio broadcasts. Instead, he's barely a footnote.

If I'm Buehrle, I'm sending Parque a note saying: "Hey, dude ... YOU'RE WELCOME!"

The Quote

"Those last three batters, I'm like: 'It's not gonna make or break your careers - just swing!' " - Jamie Buehrle, Mark's wife.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

This was the first perfect game I ever covered but my second no-hitter. The first no-no was a real stunner: Minnesota's Scott Erickson, who the previous season had given up more hits than any pitcher in baseball, tossed one on April 27, 1994, at the hitter's paradise that is the Metrodome. (Back then, before my column-writing days, I was the AP sports guy in Minneapolis.)

Actually, I only kind of covered Buehrle's. I'll tell you what I mean by that and, in the process, share with you how the world's largest news gathering organization deals with such things.

As you might imagine, no-hitters are big deals to AP because they are so rare. Perfect games, obviously, are HUGE deals. 

When a pitcher has held a team hitless after five innings, the writer at the ballpark - be it an AP staffer, such as Chicago's Rick Gano and Andrew Seligman - or a freelance "stringer" (such as yours baldly), must call the AP baseball honchos in New York and let them know what's going on. The same drill is repeated after the sixth and seventh innings.

If a pitcher still has a no-no going after seven and if a stringer is covering the game, AP tracks down one of its sportswriters and summons him or her to the game. It doesn't matter if the writer has the day off or is working on something else; AP wants him or her there.

Why? Because a no-hitter story - and especially a perfect-game story - will be used by just about every newspaper and Web site that subscribes to the AP wire. Understandably, the folks at AP want one of their sportswriter's names - a "byline" - on the story. (As a stringer, I don't get a byline.)

And so it went Thursday. When I called to let them know Buehrle was still perfect after seven, the New Yorkers called Seligman, who got in his car and started driving from Chicago's far North Side to the South Side. 

Meanwhile, I kept working on the story, getting facts lined up in preparation for the big event. If the no-hitter got broken up while Andy was en route to the park, we would have dealt with it.

After the eighth inning, I sent everything on my computer screen to Ron Blum, AP's outstanding baseball writer/editor in New York. As Ron edited it, I stayed on the phone with him, feeding him whatever additional info he needed as he put together the story.

Seligman arrived at The Cell just after Wise made his catch. Andy got caught up with everything as Blum and I stayed on the telephone through the final two outs.

Perfect game! AP had the story on the wire within moments.

While Seligman told Blum about some of the on-field celebration and eventually worked his way to the press conference featuring Buehrle and Guillen, I went to the White Sox clubhouse to talk to the players. Our able assistant stringer, Seth Gruen, went to chat with the Rays.

Upon our return to the press box, Seth and I e-mailed the quotes we had gathered to Andy, who was busily putting together an updated version of the story. Andy's piece was edited by Blum and others in the New York office and came back looking nice.

I was asked to do a "sidebar" on Wise's catch - click here - which I happily did. 

Was I bummed that I got "nudged" aside for Andy, whose name was on the main story? Not at all.

When AP was my full-time employer, I reported to the ballpark for several in-progress no-hitters. I was the nudgee, not the nudger. It's kind of like Wise going into the game, Podsednik getting told to take left field and Quentin getting sent to the bench. We all have our roles in life; I like to think Pods and Quentin were just fine with theirs Thursday.

In the end, Buehrle got his perfect game, Andy got to the ballpark just in time, AP got its stories (which means millions of readers got them, too) ... and, well, I guess I got the right to say I covered a perfect game, after all.