From Motown, a princely sum

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The Yankees weren't interested. Neither were the Red Sox or Phillies. They already had their big-money first basemen.

The Angels? Not unless they decided to trade Albert Pujols.

The Mets and Dodgers have financial woes that make our national debt look palatable.

Cubbies boss Tom Ricketts, still choking down the Alfonso Soriano mega-contract he inherited from the previous regime (and paying Cra-Z Zambrano nearly $18 million to not pitch in Chicago this season), had no appetite for another gargantuan deal.

The Rangers, Giants, White Sox and suddenly spend-a-riffic Marlins were all tapped out.

Yes, as consistently good as he has been, Prince Fielder entered free agency with few legitimate suitors.

And yet there he was Tuesday, celebrating the nine-year, $214 million contract he got from a Detroit team that seemed to have already cornered the market on first basemen who should be DHs.

One thing for sure:

When I make my big comeback, I'm hiring Scott Boras as my agent!

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Milton Bradley must not have been available

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Yep, Cra-Z Zambrano is sure to settle down nicely under the calm guidance of Ozzie Guillen.

Gotta admit: It would be fun to be a columnist in Miami next baseball season.
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Today's High Five - Cra-Z (& PGA) Edition

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5. Sure, Carlos Zambrano is Cra-Z ... but if the Cubbies sack him for good, they'll miss a chance to finally get a big-game performance out of what already has been a $115 million investment in the loony right-hander. So what if he's 0-for-a-decade? Haven't you ever heard of a late bloomer?

4. Deficit, schmeficit. Joblessness, schmoblessness. Recession, schmession. Some dude named Keegan Bradley has won the PGA Championship, and all is grand in America again!

3. The MLB union says the Cubs have no right to suspend Zambrano without pay for 30 days. Seems the guild doesn't want there to be a precedent for teams punishing bombastic, lunatic, headhunting quitters. Makes sense to me.

2. As entertaining as it was to watch Tiger Woods hit the same kind of shots that I all too often do, shank you very much, the PGA Tour desperately needs him -- or somebody -- to be The Guy.

Right now, the tour is a massive blob of Luke Donalds (No. 1 by default), Steve Strickers (just good enough to not win the big one), Phil Mickelsons (fading former heroes), Rory McIlroys (not-quite-ready-for-coronation young guns) and a boatload of Keegan Bradleys.

As a fan, I want somebody setting the bar. I want The Guy every other golfer knows he must beat.

Yes, no-names occasionally won majors even before this current run of has-beens and never-will-bes ... but at least those nobodies had to beat Tiger Woods to do it. Now, alas, they only have to beat Jason Dufner.

1. It was nice to see Cubbie brass take a stand against not just Cra-Z but the entire notion that it's permissible for a bad pitcher to go headhunting just because he's bad.

Though I've never been a big fan of beanballs (because I generally am against assault with a deadly weapon), I at least understand the unwritten rules justifying "purpose pitches" in retaliation for an opponent's hotdogging or headhunting.

What I've never gotten is the belief by many that it's all right for a pitcher who has been rocked to throw at the next batter. Or for a team that gives up homers to a guy in his first two at-bats to then throw at him his third time up.

That amounts to a player or team saying: "I (we) suck, and I (we) can't get you out, so I'm (we're) gonna be chickenshit and throw at you. So there."

So good for Jim Hendry for saying that isn't OK -- yes, the Cubbie GM finally did something right.

And here's hoping the Cubs won't condone the practice even when the guilty pitcher isn't a multimillion-dollar albatross the team desperately wants to dump.
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Weiner's a tool, Zambrano's a weiner

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The last couple of times I saw an interview of Anthony Weiner, I thought: "Maybe a little more liberal than I'd like but, in general, he has a good sense of humor and seems kind of cool for a politician."

Then the Democratic representative from New York got caught sending a bunch of young women a bunch of pictures of himself -- including one of his own weiner bulging in his undies -- and lied about it repeatedly before finally being forced to fess up.

Cool? More like a total tool.

Just goes to prove that Republicans don't have the patent on this kind of crapola.

A defiant Weiner says he won't resign, and I believe him. Hey, after the likes of Bill Clinton, Mark Sanford and Newt Gingrich managed to remain in office despite their indiscretions, I have little doubt that Weiner will be able to hang around, too. After his term ends, though, he's done as a politician.

And, liberal that he is, he can't even count on income from Fox News when he's done.

And speaking of weiners, did you hear the outrageous comments Carlos Zambrano made the other day?

No, I'm not talking about the Cubbie starter calling out closer Carlos Marmol for pitching stupidly to Cardinals slap-hitter Ryan Theriot. I mean, Zambrano actually was right about Theriot being unable to hit a good fastball -- even if he sounded like a selfish jerk for publicly voicing his disgust.

I'm talking about the outrageous thing Zambrano told the media Monday after apologizing to Marmol:

"We can be 11, 12, 15 games out, but we start winning games, who knows? It’s not over yet. Believe me guys, it’s not over for the Cubs."

And that, my friends, is why I call him Cra-Z!
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No Silva lining for '11 Cubs

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Here's an easy prediction for the 2011 Cubs. No, not the obvious one, that they'll somehow avoid winning the World Series. That's too easy. If you'd predicted that every year for the last 102 years, you'd have been right 100 percent of the time.

This one involves Carlos Silva, whose head exploded at the end of his first spring-training start because his teammates made three errors behind him. (I got a kick out of spinmeisters who said that at least it wasn't Cra-Z Zambrano going nutso again.)

Last year's first-half surprise will be an unmitigated disaster this year. The hefty right-hander either will get hurt or simply will pitch like a wounded duck until beleaguered manager Mike Quade pulls him from the rotation.

It doesn't take 20-20 vision to see the signs.

Carlos Silva has had enough trouble putting together one good year in a row, let alone two. His ERA stood at a shockingly sound 2.96 on July 6 last year. He finished at 4.22 and injuries limited him to one start in August and another in September.

He's now older, heavier and, obviously, less emotionally stable. This can't be a good thing for him or the Cubs, who are counting the days until he and his $13.5 million contract (including '12 buyout) come off the books.

On a positive note, the guy he went after Wednesday was Aramis Ramirez, whose own outrageous contract ($16.6 million remaining, including '12 buyout) is exceeded only by his sense of self-worth.

Get this: Rammie actually thinks he's a superstar. You know, the man is delusional enough to be a Cubbie fan.
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13 sharp baseball observations

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During a Southwest Airlines flight to Seattle this week, my daughter Katie inadvertently brought a large pair of scissors in her carry-on bag. The fine TSA folks operating the x-ray gear didn't detect the sharp implement. Obviously, though, Katie isn't a terrorist. I mean, it's not as if she tried to sneak a 4-ounce bottle of shampoo on the plane!

While contemplating all of that, I'll fire off a baker's dozen thoughts about baseball at the break ...

1. Smart GMs of losing teams will do what Kenny Williams did last year (in acquiring Alex Rios) and add talented players for future seasons. It's one thing to throw away one bad season; why let it ruin an entire decade?

2. Aramis Ramirez, Faux Mr. Clutch, is at it again. Now that his Cubs are hopelessly out of the race - and with him having the right to opt out of his contract at season's end - he finally is hitting the way a cleanup hitter making monster money should. He did the same thing in 2006, getting hot just in time to get himself a huge new deal but not in time to keep Dusty Baker from getting fired.

3. It will be interesting to see which NL Central frontrunner, Cincinnati or St. Louis, will overcome major bullpen issues to take the division. Reds GM Walt Jocketty would love nothing more than to add a couple of the same quality arms the Cards no doubt want. Jocketty was great at making deadline deals before he was run out of St. Louis. Meanwhile, in the always-entertaining game within the games, it's Dusty vs. Tony - just as it was in '03 (with Dusty prevailing) and '04 (with Tony dominating).

4. The most overrated player in baseball in the season's first half: Joe Mauer in a landslide. The Twins can't afford to have their highest-paid player ever hit like Brian Harper.

5. If they can get reasonably healthy by mid-August and if they can hang close in the race, the Phillies will win the NL East again.

6. "This time it counts"? Yeah, but not in the ratings. Sorry, Bud, it's still an exhibition game. That's what happens when nearly 10 percent of the league's players are deemed All-Stars. It's pro sports. Everybody doesn't need to win a trophy.

7. The Padres authored the best story of the first half and I gotta admit that I'm rooting for them to hold on. It's pretty cool that even as management tries like hell to lose, the players just won't let it happen.

8. The Pirates should have to move out of PNC Park until they have a winning season. No team that bad should get to play in such a cool ballpark.

9. Ditto for the Orioles regarding Camden Yards.

10. Is it still Milton Bradley's fault that the Cubs suck?

11. Fear the Rockies.

12. Stephen Strasburg is the most-hyped 6-inning pitcher ever. Or at least since Greg Maddux returned to the Cubs in 2004. (And speaking of hyped, remember when Maddux was going to help teach Cra-Z Zambrano how to be more professional?)

13. Predicted playoff teams: Yankees, White Sox, Rangers, Rays (wild card), Phillies, Cardinals, Rockies, Dodgers (wild card). One more prediction: This is Lou Piniella's last season in Cubbieland but Jim Hendry will be around for one more try in 2011. For better or worse on both accounts.

Cra-Z strikes again!

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And that, my friends, is why he's Cra-Z!

I love all the trade speculation concerning Carlos Zambrano now. That's beautiful. I mean, yeah, opposing GMs must be begging Jim Hendry for a chance to land Cra-Z.

After all, Zambrano hasn't been good for almost two years, he has nearly $50 million remaining on his contract and he makes Barry Bonds look like Teammate of the Decade.

If that doesn't spell W-I-N-N-E-R, I don't know what does.

This season in Cubbieland is over; the White Sox have seen to that. And with a roster full of over-the-hill, overpaid losers, 2011 might be over already, too.

Tom Ricketts must be thinking about trying to get his money back. He should take his receipt to Costco; I hear they have the best return policy anywhere.

On the plus side ...

At least Cubbie fans who also love futbol still have Ghana to root for!

Take Z Out to the Ball Game

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Long relief, set-up man, starter ... the Cubs should stop messing around with Carlos Zambrano and give Cra-Z the one role that matters most in Cubbieland:

Permanent seventh-inning stretch singer.

Obviously broken, NCAA tourney needs a fix

A few thoughts from a wild sports Monday:

++ A great championship game caps a great tournament. Yep, the NCAA surely needs to fix this thing by adding dozens more teams and making it every bit as compelling as the BCS.

++ You know what would have been crazy? If Gordon Hayward would have made that desperation heave at the buzzer only to have the refs wave it off for the obvious, nearly injurious moving screen set by Butler teammate Matt Howard.

++ Here's the main difference between the BCS and the NCAA hoops tournament: The first tries to secure a matchup of the "best" teams as determined by voters and computers; the second seeks to crown a worthy champion as determined by actual competition.

++ It's fun to root for the underdog, yes. It's also proper to admit that the Dookies had one hell of a tournament.

++ A few days before the season opener against the Braves, Carlos Zambrano said: "They're a very good team but I think we're better. Let's rock and roll." Well, consider Cra-Z rocked and the Cubbies rolled.

++ I was at the White Sox opener and witnessed what probably will be the best fielding play of the entire season: HERE IT IS. Oh, and by the way ... Mark Buehrle also turned in the day's best pitching performance. Forget all the Cubbie pretenders and give this guy props for being by far Chicago's best pitcher this past decade.

++ It says something about something that, within seconds of each other, White Sox fans booed video highlights of Barack Obama throwing the first pitch for the Nationals and then cheered the Sox debut of has-been Andruw Jones.

++ Were I at the Tiger Woods press conference, I would have asked only one question: "Why is anybody even bothering to ask a confirmed, notorious liar to tell the truth about anything?"

Fun with stats

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The Bald Truth

After pitching his no-hitter against the Rangers on April 18, 2007, Mark Buehrle won only one of his next eight starts and had a 4.61 ERA through June 9 as the White Sox tumbled helplessly out of the race.

After throwing his no-no against the Astros in that hurricane-displaced game at Milwaukee on Sept. 14, 2008, Carlos Zambrano was 14-5 with a 3.41 ERA in 28 starts. Cra-Z then allowed 13 runs in his final two regular-season outings, was lousy (and received lousy defensive support) in losing his only playoff start and has followed in 2009 with his worst season as the Cubs have been baseball's biggest busts. Total stats since the no-hitter: 8-8 with a 4.32 ERA over 29 games for the $91.5 Million Man.

After pitching his perfect game against the Rays this past July 23, Buehrle was 11-3 with a 3.28 ERA. Batters were hitting .247 against him, with a .286 OBP and .411 slugging average. Since then, he is 1-6 with a 4.91 ERA in 11 starts and batters are at .322/.366/.496 against him. No wonder the Sox have spiraled to oblivion.

So here's a little tip for all future Chicago pitching aces: Whatever you do, avoid throwing no-hitters!

The Balder Truth

Say this much about Milton Bradley: He made the Cubs interesting to follow this season.

Yep, they weren't nearly as boring as in 2008, when they were stuck with Mark DeRosa and the rest of a 97-win team.

Oh, and by the way, DeRo on Monday hit two more homers for the victorious Cardinals.

Jeesh ... talk about rubbing it in.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Projecting the results backward from the moment the Cubs banished Bradley to baseball's Nowhere Land, here is an irrefutable fact:

Had they never signed him, they'd be 149-0.

Take that, Cardinals!

Prima + Donna = Ryan Braun

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The Bald Truth

That Ryan Braun spoke the truth about the Brewers' pitching staff being inadequate is beside the point. 

He proved himself a prima donna, a jerk and, mostly, a horrendous teammate.

It's also beside the point that he met with GM Doug Melvin on Tuesday and tried to take back everything he said: "I apologized if I offended anybody in the organization. I wasn't trying to call anybody out." 

Oh, so when he blamed the pitching staff for the team losing three of four against the Cubs - when he said every Cubs starter was better than every Brewers starter - he was just trying to be constructive. He was just trying to prod Melvin into making a move, maybe bringing back CC Sabathia one more time or something.

I wonder how Braun would have reacted if any Milwaukee pitchers ever commented publicly about his atrocious defense in left field?

As for Melvin, he was pissed because Braun was disrespectful to people in the front office.

Really? What Braun did was far worse than taking a poke at Melvin and his minions. Braun ripped his own teammates - angrily and very publicly. 

He all but said: "I'm great, they're not. I can win us the pennant. They're weighing me down."

Think about all the ballplayers who have been jerks this season: Manny, A-Roid, Milton, Magglio, Cra-Z and so on. 

Have any of them shown their teammates less respect than Ryan Braun did?

Hey, at least the Brewers - a team too flawed to be taken seriously even in the horrid NL Central - have somebody who is No. 1 in one category.

The Balder Truth

True story: The Indians are beating the White Sox 3-1 in the sixth inning when Cleveland manager Eric Wedge goes to his bullpen. Before turning the channel to check what's going on in the Cubs-Braves game, I say to my wife and son: 

"With those rag-arm relievers, the Sox will be leading 9-3 pretty soon."

We turned back to the Sox game just in time to see Paul Konerko's grand slam - his second of three HRs on the night - sail into the stands. An inning later, it was 10-3.

Nice pitching staff you've got there, Cleveland. 

Ryan Braun can't even blame Kerry Wood for this one.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Now that Michael Jackson has been eulogized, memorialized and laid to rest, can we please get on with something that matters? 

You know, like Utah Sen. Orrin Hatch's proposed Justice Department probe into the BCS?

Because if there's one thing our federal government should be investing time and money in, it's that Utah didn't get a chance to play for the mythical national football title.

And some people wonder why our country is bankrupt.

Cra-Z good (this time)

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I kid Carlos Zambrano because he's so goofy, but I've never claimed the man can't pitch.

As he proved again in his latest start - a 2-1 Cubbie win over the Reds in which he was spectacular on the mound and helped his cause with a home run - there are very few pitchers in the world with more talent.

And there's the rub with Cra-Z. If he simply would channel his abilities, emotions, desire and competitiveness into every performance, he would be one of the five best in the majors. A 20-game winner. A sub-3-ERA guy. The works.

He can't, though, which is what makes him who he is: a supremely talented goofball and an easy target for hacks like me.

For that, I guess I should thank him.

Chicago has a winner, and it's the team that just lost

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Not the Bears, even with The Great Jay Cutler playing all 22 positions, making field goals, punting, returning kicks and refreshing the water jugs. He's gonna do all that, right?

Not the Bulls, with no inside presence, no go-to guy, no defensive stopper ... and a salary-cap situation that will keep things that way.

Not the White Sox, whose best players are getting old and whose young players aren't good enough.

Not the Cubs because ... do we really have to say it? They're the freakin' Cubs!

The Blackhawks, my friends.

If any Chicago team is to win a championship within the next decade, that team will have to be the Blackhawks.

Their season is over, but what a season it was. They finished second in their division to the great Red Wings, won two playoff rounds, stole a series from a team that had home-ice advantage, took the defending champs into OT three times in five games and on Wednesday almost staved off elimination on Detroit ice despite missing their goalie and top scorer.

Along the way, they made a town that once loved hockey start to fall in love all over again.

Unlike the Bears of '01 and '06, there wasn't a smoke-and-mirrors feel to this Blackhawks team. Unlike the Cubs of '07 and '08, the young Hawks quickly figured out how to win in the playoffs. Unlike the Baby Bulls of recent vintage, these Blackhawks aren't faux contenders. 

So can they grow up to be like the White Sox of '05? Well, sure. Why not?

The Blackhawks need to re-sign Nikolai Khabibulin. That Cristobal Huet played well Wednesday might make more teams interested in trading for Huet (and his salary), thus freeing up money to keep the superior goalie in net. They need another defense-first, kick-butt defenseman. They need a faceoff specialist or two.

Mostly, though, the Blackhawks just need more experience. They already have a ton of talent, most of it younger than 25. These kids aren't flukes.

Oh, there is one more thing: 

They need to be a little bigger, a little stronger, a little tougher, a little meaner and, well, a little crazier. Teams need to fear them more. I'm not talking about goons, because fighting is idiotic. I'm talking about intimidation and temperament. Just call it a you-really-don't-want-to- bleep-with-us attitude.

Hey, since we've already re-established that the Cubs are the Cubs and therefore have no chance in this or any century, wouldn't Cra-Z Zambrano and M-Bomb Bradley look good in Indian Head sweaters?

DH or not DH? The answer: Yes

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With all due respect to those seeking to "improve" baseball, there is no reason to take the bat out of NL pitchers' hands.

Latest case in point: Micah Owings, whose pinch homer Sunday tied it for the Reds in the ninth inning against the Cardinals.

(Unfortunately for Owings the Pitcher, he isn't as good as Owings the Hitter. But that's a whole 'nother issue.) 

Some baseball followers - including my friend, Phil Rogers of the Chicago Tribune - think the hamstring injury Carlos Zambrano suffered while beating out a bunt underscored the necessity to bring the DH to the NL.

I say it simply underscores that a good-hitting pitcher who has the power and timing to knock the ball out of the park should stick to trying to hit home runs, an activity less likely to result in injury. 

Cra-Z has no more business bunting than Adam Dunn does.

I don't want Owings trying to beat out a bunt, either. Or Yovani Gallardo, who last week helped the Brewers win 1-0 by pitching brilliantly and homering for the game's only run.

Let 'em hit. It's fun. 

And there is no disputing that the pitcher coming to bat creates all kinds of strategic challenges for NL managers - challenges their AL counterparts need worry about only in interleague games and the World Series.

I've yet to hear a convincing argument to bring the DH to the NL. Nor have I heard a compelling reason to step into the Way Back Machine and eliminate the DH from the AL. 

As it is, there are hardly any differences between the leagues. The DH is a big one - and, it says here, a good one.

I like watching Jim Thome hit ... almost as much as I like watching Carlos Zambrano hit.

A couple of years ago, Cra-Z suffered an injury because he spent too much time surfing the Web. I could be wrong, but methinks having the DH in the NL probably wouldn't have prevented that.

Can a big-money pitcher get hurt while hitting, thereby damaging his team's title hopes? Well, sure.

He also can get hurt trying to field his position. Should we set up a batting-practice screen in front of him during games?