Today's High 5: MLB All-Star Break Edition

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5. Any conversation about baseball's most overpaid players has to start and end with Alex Rodriguez. I mean, the guy has a $275 million contract, hasn't played a minute this season due to injury, looked washed up last year and soon could be suspended for taking PEDs. Yep, A-Rod is a good first choice.

But then who?

Josh Hamilton? Albert Pujols? Alfonso Soriano? Mark Teixeira? Johan Santana? All fine choices. And there are plenty of other candidates.

Why do few if any mention Joe Mauer?

The Twins catcher is the All-American boy. Good looking. Looks like he's worth $184 million. Multiple All-Star. Spurned bigger offers from other teams to stay with his hometown team. He's batting .320, ninth-best in the majors.

You look at all that and you don't want him to be in the conversation. But ...

Mauer has 32 RBI at the All-Star break. Thirty-two! And unlike many of the guys on many overpaid lists, he hasn't been injured.

You know who has more than 32 RBI so far this season?

++ 128 other ballplayers.

++ 15 other catchers ... including his own backup, Ryan Doumit (who also plays OF and DH) ... and Milwaukee's Jonathan Lucroy, Mauer's former backup.

++ at least 8 leadoff men, including one in the NL (Matt Carpenter of St. Louis), who has 13 more RBI than Mauer even though he bats behind the pitcher.

++ 5 other Twins, who combined don't make anywhere near $184 million.

++ Pujols, Soriano and even Hamilton, who has looked lost at the plate most of the season.

++ Brewers OF Ryan Braun, who has missed 30 games with injuries.

++ And, of course, Miguel Cabrera, who goes into the break with 95 RBI -- three times as many as Mauer. I never thought I'd say a guy with a $153.3 million contract was a bargain!

4. The Cubs and White Sox are a combined 27 games under .500 and 29 games out of first place. At least the Cubs have admitted they're rebuilding.

3. Giants ex-stud Tim Lincecum pitched a no-hitter against the anemic Padres on Saturday. He was allowed to throw 148 pitches.

148 pitches! Wow. I hope the no-no was worth it.

In the eighth and ninth innings, the one-time flamethrower's fastball was topping out at 91 mph. His mechanics have been messed up the last couple of years.

"There was no way he was coming out," Giants manager Bruce Bochy said. "I was just praying he didn't hit the 150 mark."

He should be praying Lincicum avoids the disabled list.

2. MIDSEASON AWARDS:

AL MVP: Miguel Cabrera, Tigers. It's a very close two-man race between Mr. Triple Crown and Baltimore's Eric Davis. Right now, we'll give a slight edge to the guy who has his team in first place.

NL MVP: Yadier Molina, Cardinals. The No. 1 catcher in baseball -- ridiculously better than Mauer -- does so much behind the plate for the NL's best team that it almost doesn't matter what he does at the plate. Having said that, he also leads the league in batting. Narrow call over teammate Allen Craig and Arizona's Paul Goldschmidt.

AL Cy Young: Bartolo Colon, A's. Let's give him something to be happy about because there's word that he might get suspended for juicing. I never would have guessed that he'd need to cheat to get that body! Max Scherzer and Felix Hernandez are right up there, too.

NL Cy Young: Clayton Kershaw is only 8-6 but he leads the league in ERA, WHIP and BA against. Tough call over Patrick Corbin, Jordan Zimmerman, Matt Harvey and Adam Wainwright.

1. At 56-37, the Pirates have baseball's third-best record.

I want to believe in them.

Then again, I wanted to believe in them last season, too.

There's absolutely no way they'll find some way to go 24-45 in the second half to wrap up their 21st straight losing season, right?

Right?
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Trying to remember how to have a ball

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Aside from the obvious -- my kids and my close friends -- the thing I miss the most about Chicago is baseball.

When I came to that realization, it surprised me a little. After all, I'm neither a Cubs fan nor a White Sox fan ... and, in fact, I spent the a good part of my 16 years there making fun of both teams.

(OK, I made lots more fun of the Cubbies. For 100-plus obvious reasons. But that's besides the point.)

Looking back, there was something cool about waking up every summer morning knowing there was going to be a game in my town that afternoon or evening. And as one who made a living chronicling the adventures of Ozzie, Sammy, Paulie and Gracie, it truly was comforting, too.

Here in Charlotte, we don't have baseball. Even the Triple-A team plays in a suburb across the border in South Carolina. I'd call the Knights an afterthought, but that would be insulting afterthoughts everywhere.

Fortunately, I can follow baseball pretty easily. On any given night, there are a half-dozen games being aired on some combination of ESPN, MLB, WGN and the various regional sports channels on my cable package.

Oh yeah, there's that InterWeb thingy, too. That comes in handy.

So anyway ...

This being the All-Star break -- and with another of Bud Selig's thrilling This Time It Counts All-Star Games in the books -- I thought I'd take a quick look at what we've seen to date and what we'll see in the season's second half.

FIVE BIGGEST STORIES SO FAR:

5. The Angels' season has been saved by a rookie (Mike Trout) who makes roughly a zillionth as much money as the guy who was supposed to save them (Albert Pujols).

4. The NL East has become the Bizarro Division, with the Nationals rolling to a 4-game lead over the Braves ... and a 14-game lead over the Phillies.

3. Statistically, two-time Cy Young Award winner Tim Lincecum is the worst pitcher in the major leagues. Somehow, his Giants are in a dead heat with the Dodgers atop the NL West.

2. Pitchers great (Matt Cain) and not so great (Phil Humber) threw perfect games, and three other guys threw no-hitters, but it was a guy who could "only" throw a couple of one-hitters, R.A. Dickey, who knuckled his way into the headlines the most.

1. The Pirates are in first place. Repeat: The Pittsburgh Effin Pirates are in first place!!

NL FIRST-HALF MVP BALLOT:

5. Melky Cabrera. Batting .356 for a Giants team with nary another .300 hitter.

4. Carlos Beltran. 20 HR, 65 RBI for Cardinals. Albert Who?

3. David Wright. I thought the Mets would be anchored in last place by now.

2. Joey Votto. The Big Red Hitting Machine.

1. Andrew McCutchen. You did get the memo that the Pittsburgh Effin Pirates are in first place, right?

AL FIRST-HALF MVP BALLOT:

5. Mike Trout. Albert's Angels were wound too tight until the kid showed 'em how to have fun again.

4. Paul Konerko. Once again, Mr. Dependable on the South Side.

3. Robinson Cano. A swing of beauty for the Yankees.

2. Miguel Cabrera. After a slow start, the Tigers are right there.

1. Josh Hamilton. Duh.

FIVE THOUGHTS HEADING IN THE SECOND HALF:

5. I admit I was skeptical at first, but I'm loving the idea of the second wild-card team. There finally is real incentive to winning a division vs. being a wild-card team, and this situation sets up potentially incredible races between the Rangers and Angels; the White Sox and Tigers (sorry Indians; I'm not feeling ya); the Pirates and the rest of the NL Central; and, especially, the Dodgers and Giants. If I'm gonna criticize The Commish for his silly ideas, I have to praise him for his good ones.

4. Cubbieland needs to let Anthony Rizzo be the 22-year-old rookie and not ask him to be the next Tyler Colvin. Because ridiculous expectations didn't work out so well for the last Tyler Colvin.

3. I wouldn't bet against Pujols finishing with 30 HR, 100 RBI and a postseason berth. Someday before his contract expires, he'll be mediocre. Someday, however, is still lots and lots and lots of days away. (Meanwhile, someday seems to have arrived for Alex Rodriguez. Hey, nobody ever said life without HGH would be easy.)

2. Really looking forward to Robin Ventura matching wits with Jim Leyland down the stretch.

1. Nats vs. Pirates in the NLCS! Crazy? Impossible? Well, the Twins and Braves each finished in last place in 1990, a year before they met in the best World Series I've ever seen.

Today's High 5: NBA conspiracies, idiotic tweets and the baldest of eagles

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5. I am shocked -- shocked! -- that the Hornets, who have been owned and operated by the NBA this past year, won the Draft Lottery (and the right to select the only great player available).

And I am shocked -- shocked! -- that anybody would dare suggest a conspiracy or a conflict of interest.

4. It seems Albert Pujols isn't the next Mo Vaughn after all.

3. The Baldest Eagle has landed!

That's right: I carded my first-ever eagle on Thursday thanks to a boomer of a drive, a best-of-the-season 5-iron and a 2 1/2 foot putt. If I'd have choked on that putt, I never would have lived it down.

I saved my choke for the next hole, when I hit my 9-iron tee shot within 5 feet and then promptly 3-putted.

Eagle or no eagle ... I still golf like me, dammit!

2. Will any of us ever forget where we were Wednesday, when Kordell Stewart announced his retirement from pro football a mere 7 years after he last wore a uniform?

1. Has-been Wally Szczerbiak took to Twitter to rip ex-teammate Kevin Garnett for being a guy who "lacks the #clutchgene."

Yes, the famously clutch Szczerbiak ... owner of what, a dozen NBA titles? OK, not quite. But he was owner of a reputation as one of the NBA's most selfish players back in his day.

A day that has long since passed, by the way.

Wally Effin Szczerbiak ain't even the lint in KG's belly button. Put a hash-tag on that, loser.

Remember when 'Albert Goes Deep' wasn't big news?

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Albert homered.

I repeat ... Albert homered.

Shout it from the rooftops, and bang the drums. The world is safe again, for Albert Pujols has hit a little ball over a fence!

Actually ...

The whole Why Can't Albert Hit? story line was one of those rare occasions where the media didn't overhype something.

The fact that Albert Pujols -- the greatest hitter of an entire generation, an absolute run-producing machine, a Hall of Fame cinch, one of the highest-paid athletes ever -- was hitting like a pitcher absolutely was the biggest story of the first month of the baseball season.

In fact, it probably was the three biggest stories: 1, he couldn't hit home runs; 2, he couldn't hit, period; 3, he was dragging the big-money Angels down with him.

It was the perfect storm of ineptitude, mostly because he had been the most ept guy out there for more than a decade.

Sunday, The 240 Million Dollar Man finally went deep, the fans who had been booing him now were cheering, and the last-place Angels won a game.

Oh, and Albert didn't come out of the dugout for a curtain call ... which is pretty cool if you think about it.
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For better or worse (almost surely worse), Twins couldn't let No-Power Mauer leave

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The Twins simply had to sign Joe Mauer, a St. Paul kid, a top draft pick and a multiple All-Star who would have been courted by at least a dozen teams with lots of money to spend.

When the sides came to terms on that eight-year, $184 million contract extension through 2018, Mauer was coming off an outstanding 2009 season, his fifth straight good year. He had been mostly healthy and productive, he was only 27 years old and he was a fine defensive catcher. Even if the Twins believed he wouldn't be able to play such a physically demanding position for the entirety of the contract, they had every reason to think he was a good enough athlete to play elsewhere. Failing that, he could always be a DH down the line.

The public-relations hit they would have taken by letting a hometown hero go elsewhere -- especially after ownership had fleeced taxpayers for a new downtown ballpark that supposedly was going to let them compete financially with the big boys -- would have been devastating.

Yes, the Twins had to keep Joe Mauer.

So my previous post was not meant to rip them for Mauer being a bust. It was more about calling out those from Minnesota who have criticized the Angels for signing Albert Pujols -- who, unlike Mauer, will be remembered as one of the greatest hitters in baseball history.

Mauer has failed to live up to the contract ... but is that really his fault? He is who he is. Aside from his one big year, he hasn't been much of a run-producer. (And even in that one year, he was no Albert Pujols.) He needs to hit better than he has the last couple of years, but he'll never be Johnny Bench.

Joe Mauer was the beneficiary of incredible timing: He had his career year just as the Twins were preparing to move into a new ballpark and just as his contract situation had to be addressed. More power to him (if not to his bat).

Look, I know "bust" might be too strong a word. If Mauer can stay healthy, he has a chance to be kind of a Mark Grace of catchers. High average, lots of singles and doubles, good glove, good guy in the clubhouse. That isn't necessarily a bad thing ... if you can ignore the fact that he will be paid a gazillion times more than Grace ever made.

When you are a limited-revenue team like the Twins and pay a singles hitter $23 million a year, you probably won't be able to acquire the kind of run-producers and pitchers necessary to compete for championships.

Still, in 2010, the Twins had to do this deal with Mauer. That's life in the big leagues.

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Joe Mauer: Baseball's biggest bust?

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I was clicking through channels Monday afternoon when I stopped to watch the Angels-Twins game on MLB for a few minutes. The feed was from Minnesota and featured Twins announcers Dick Bremer and Bert Blyleven.

I know Bremer well from my years in Minnesota -- he and I actually did a few radio shows together -- and I consider him a good announcer. Still, he made a few curious comments about the Angels' signing of Albert Pujols during the short time I had the game on.

I'm paraphrasing here, because I wasn't recording the game or taking notes. Bremer seemed to criticize the Angels for paying Pujols so much for such a long stretch, noting that Pujols will be an old man when the Angels are paying him huge sums next decade.

Though it's a valid point, it sounded odd coming from a broadcaster for the team that employs Joe Mauer.

Pujols has been one of the best hitters ever and has led teams to championships. He never has had anything but outstanding seasons, has avoided serious injury and plays a relatively low-impact position. While it would be a stretch to expect him to produce big-time at the end of his contract, he likely has many, many more great years ahead of him.

Mauer, meanwhile, has been a total bust since the Twins gave him an eight-year, $184 million extension before the 2010 season, and it's hard to imagine them getting anywhere near good value for their investment.

He batted about as soft a .327 as is humanly possible in '10 -- only 75 RBIs for a middle-of-the-order supposed stud protected by Justin Morneau -- and followed that with a horrid, injury-plagued 2011 season. He has barely hit the ball out of the infield so far in 2012.

With a mere 37 HR and 99 RBI for the Cardinals, Pujols was coming off the "worst" season of his career in 2011, which he capped by helping the Cardinals win another World Series.

Mauer? He never has had either 30 HR or 100 RBI in any season; in fact, he's only had one year with more than 13 HR and 85 RBI. He also has "led" the Twins to an 0-9 postseason record, driving in a total of 1 run in those nine games.

And yet the Twins threw $184 million at him. Since getting that deal, this alleged superstar has 12 HR and 106 RBI in 223 games.

Sabermetricians can throw all kinds of fancy stats at me, but sorry ... I want my $184 million ballplayers to drive in a few runs. Shoot me.

Unless he turns things around dramatically, he can only be considered one of the most overpaid, most overrated, least valuable players in baseball.

He is injury prone, he plays a high-impact position and he figures to be a broken-down 35-year-old when the Twins are on the hook for $23 million in 2018.

Yes, shame on the Angels for giving such big money to Albert Pujols.

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From Motown, a princely sum

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The Yankees weren't interested. Neither were the Red Sox or Phillies. They already had their big-money first basemen.

The Angels? Not unless they decided to trade Albert Pujols.

The Mets and Dodgers have financial woes that make our national debt look palatable.

Cubbies boss Tom Ricketts, still choking down the Alfonso Soriano mega-contract he inherited from the previous regime (and paying Cra-Z Zambrano nearly $18 million to not pitch in Chicago this season), had no appetite for another gargantuan deal.

The Rangers, Giants, White Sox and suddenly spend-a-riffic Marlins were all tapped out.

Yes, as consistently good as he has been, Prince Fielder entered free agency with few legitimate suitors.

And yet there he was Tuesday, celebrating the nine-year, $214 million contract he got from a Detroit team that seemed to have already cornered the market on first basemen who should be DHs.

One thing for sure:

When I make my big comeback, I'm hiring Scott Boras as my agent!

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Be careful what you ask for, Prince Albert

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It's easy for me to say -- because I'm not the one looking at all of those zeroes and commas -- but I like to think I would have accepted outlandish money to be a hero in the baseball bastion that is St. Louis rather than gone for ultra-outlandish money to be a mercenary in the mall-land that is Anaheim.

Nobody should begrudge Albert Pujols his millions. If any ballplayer has "earned" a $254 million payday, it is this man, one of the great hitters of this or any generation.

Still, when you're going to get some $200 million over 10 years, as the Cardinals reportedly offered, it's hard to imagine why that extra $54 million really matters to one's bottom line.

I mean, if your best friend buys you a $2.00 present, are you going to dump him because some other guy tried to buy your friendship with a $2.54 gift?

One might say it's not the same but I say it's exactly the same. Once you get to $100 million or $150 million or $200 million, every million might as well be a penny. Especially when you've already raked in well over $100 million, as Albert has so far in his career.

You can't spend it in 10 lifetimes unless you're an idiot or Michael Jackson.

Bottom line:

If you love St. Louis as you say you do, if you cherish your teammates as you claim, if you are comfortable with management as you insist, if you can win championships as you obviously can given 2006 and 2011 ... why not settle for a mere $200 million and emerge as the altruistic hero who sacrificed money for love?

Why sell yourself to the highest bidder and start all over again in a city where Mickey Mouse is king and baseball is a shoulder shrug?

As for the Cardinals, they eventually might be thanking their lucky stars that they didn't sign a 32-year-old man to a 10-year contract.

They now have a lot of money available to plug a lot of holes. Or they don't have to spend all that money as long as they have their typically solid 25-man roster ... and then they don't have to raise ticket prices for the self-appointed "greatest fans in baseball." Crazy thought, I know.

Had Albert Pujols continued to excel for a few years in St. Louis and then gradually faded as he aged, fans there would have forgiven him and kept applauding him for his past exploits.

Just look at Mark McGwire.

As his body broke down from all the 'roids he ingested over the years, Saint Looie fans still paid to see him take his hacks, still cheered every time his name was mentioned. After he retired, when pretty much everybody knew he had been a juicing cheat, Cardinal Nation stuck up for him. And when Tony La Russa brought him back to be the hitting coach after he had been exposed, all was forgiven. McLiar was treated like St. Louis royalty.

Believe me, he wouldn't have been forgiven so easily in southern California.

Maybe Albert figures that extra 50 million bucks will buy him a nice shield from any future scorn. Not to mention a few of the giraffes, zebras and unicorns that might still be grazing at Neverland Ranch.

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A Series worth staying awake for

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The problem with the Cardinals and the Rangers is their games are so doggone boring!

And how 'bout that David Freese? After he dropped a popup that every Little Leaguer catches 100 out of 100 times, my wife turned to me and asked: "What the hell? Is the fix in?"

Nah, Freese was just setting himself up to be the hero two hours later. He trumped God, who apparently told Josh Hamilton he was gonna homer in the 10th inning. I wonder how much dough God lost on this one.

Oh, and for the record ... in the ninth inning, I thought the Rangers should have pitched to Albert Pujols instead of to the hottest hitter in the world. Lance Berkman made Tony La Russa's decision to bat him fourth look absolutely brilliant. Before we give La Genius too much credit, though, it should be noted that it took him six games to come to his senses and finally put Berkman in the Pujols-protecting spot in place of Matt Holliday -- who has killed the Cards with his bat and glove all Series.

I'm looking forward to tonight's Game 7. I just hope that FOX somehow can be convinced to show a few shots of Nolan Ryan in the stands. I mean, we've hardly seen any of those so far.

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Cardinals in 7 still a real possibility ... if history is an accurate guide

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The last two times the Cardinals went this deep in a World Series, I had the honor of covering both.

In 1982, I was a puppy in the profession, just out of Marquette, working in Milwaukee and trying to nail down a full-time gig with AP. I had the great fortune of that being the one year the Brewers went to the World Series. What an assignment! The Brew Crew took a 3-2 lead, sending the Series back to St. Louis, where the Cards won two straight to take the title.

In 1987, I was still a relative youngster -- still had a rather robust head of hair, even -- and was the AP sports guy in Minneapolis. The Cardinals won Game 5 at home to take a 3-2 lead but in the visitor's clubhouse, the Twins were farting and drinking and acting as if they were in some kind of Beer League. It was their way of dealing with the stress and staying loose. They ended up going home and winning two straight at the Metrodome to take the title. To this day, I've never heard a louder crowd than the throng at the Metrodome when Kent Hrbek hit a go-ahead homer in Game 6.

So, if history repeats, the team going home down 3-2 wins whenever the Cardinals go this deep in a World Series. Which, this time, would be the Cards.

Once the rain stops, let's see if Tony La Russa doesn't out-think himself, if his pitching can hold up for two more games and if Albert can start earning the bazillions he is about to get on the open market.

Of course, the Rangers might have something to say about all of that, too.

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Albert's other 3 games. Also: ESPN announcing follies

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The Bald Truth

Albert Pujols is one of the best hitters of any era. Any team would love to have him.

That being said, his World Series has consisted of one monster game ... and three others in which he went a combined 0-for-10. His Cardinals lost two of those three while scoring four total runs.

So let's be content with calling Albert merely great, and let's hold off on the comparisons to Babe Ruth, Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky and Joe Montana, OK?

The Balder Truth

The Fraudulent Illini started the season 6-0 ... and very well could finish 6-6. But hey, at least they're bowl eligible! Time to extend Ron Zook's contract another five years.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

It would be hard to find a more entertaining sporting event than Saturday night's Michigan State-Wisconsin game, which featured numerous amazing plays and ended with a desperation TD heave that required several minutes of replay reviews before the Spartans were declared victorious.

The game -- especially the finish -- was so fantastic that it's a shame normally outstanding announcers Brent Musburger and Kirk Hirbstreit fell flat at the end.

Musburger kept calling the winning play a "miracle," as if he knew firsthand that God was getting Sparty and the points over Bucky Badger.

And Herbstreit offered this meaningless drivel disguised as analysis: "It comes down to a battle ... to see who wanted to win the game more."

Does Herbstreit really think Michigan State wanted the game more? Do people really think the Rams wanted to win the 2000 Super Bowl more than the Titans but didn't particularly want it two years later when they lost to the Patriots?

Such a declaration supposes something nobody possibly could know. While meant to praise the winner, it's a ringing indictment of the loser: If only he (or she or they) had just wanted it more.

It's a cliche, it offers no insight and Herbstreit knows better.

I mean, how many championships did he win as Ohio State QB? What's wrong? Didn't he want it badly enough?

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Letting his bat do his talking

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Bingo ... bango ... bongo. I guess this means Albert Pujols is forgiven for misplaying a cutoff throw and then not talking to the press.

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Today's High 5: World Series & more

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5. If the Rangers win their three home games to take the World Series (or, for that matter, if the Cardinals win three straight on the road) and if Albert Pujols then leaves St. Louis as a free agent ... his final act in Cardinals white was his failure to handle a routine cutoff throw, a screw-up that cost his team Game 2.

4. As Pedro Martinez might say: Allen Craig is Alexi Ogando's daddy.

3. Once again, Tony La Russa used every reliever this side of Jason Isringhausen, Dennis Eckersley and Ed Farmer. This time, his mechanizations didn't work. Once again, Ron Washington spent the entire game standing on the top step of the dugout, constantly smacking his lips on something or other. This time, his Rangers prevailed. Managers, schmanagers. It pretty much always comes down to the players either doing their jobs or not.

2. The other day, TV picked up on Jay Cutler telling Mike Martz to go fornicate himself. Where was Cutler when John Shoop was running the Bears' offense?

1. Still light years apart on the main issues, the NBA's billionaire owners and their locked-out multimillionaire players have suspended negotiations -- jeopardizing the entire season. Basketball fans will be fine; college hoops is far more entertaining anyway. I'm much more worried that Cristal and Bentley sales will crater, dealing yet another blow to our fragile economy.

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Today's High Five - Lockouts and Lions and Bears, oh my!

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5. Now that's the Albert Pujols I remember.

4. How embarrassing for Jerry Angelo. The Bears GM makes Jay Cutler the centerpiece of his offense and then surrounds the QB with so many bad players Cutler doesn't stand a chance.

The Bears have had one of the league's worst offensive lines for years -- and this might be their saddest group of matadors yet. And if you google "mediocre receiving corps," the first 10 pages are about the Bears. (OK, that's hyperbole. Only the first 9 pages are about the Bears.)

Equally embarrassing: Offensive mastermind Mike Martz has absolutely no clue how to craft plays that actually might give Cutler a chance.

You know, if Cutler wasn't so unlikeable, I'd feel sorry for the guy.

3. It's mid-October. The Lions are undefeated. What are you gonna tell me next? That a black guy is one of the leading GOP presidential candidates?

2. All the great black and Latino personalities involved in baseball, and TBS honchos can't find a single one of them to put on their pre- and post-game show?

1. Unable to come reach a new collective bargaining agreement with its players, the NBA canceled the first two weeks of the season. Tens of fans howled in protest.

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Cardinal Nation puts Albert's picture on side of milk cartons

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Hey! Whoever kidnapped Albert Pujols and replaced him with Alfonso Soriano:

The Cardinals very much would appreciate Albert's safe return to the middle of the lineup.

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Aramis Ramirez: good at compiling stats, money and losses in big games

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Aramis Ramirez is down to his final week with the Cubs because he won't consider staying for "only" one more year at "only" $16 million. Were I a Cubbieland denizen, I'd be telling him not to let falling chunks of Wrigley concrete hit him on the way out of town.

The Cubs will miss his hot streaks and his occasional big hits. I still remember a home run against the Brewers that probably paved the way to the 2007 division title. Such hits gave him a reputation as a clutch performer ... but the cold, hard facts suggest otherwise.

Stolen from the Pirates in July 2003, Ramirez unquestionably was Jim Hendry's single best acquisition. Still, while Ramirez helped that team win the division title, he went 1-for-9 with zero RBI in the last three games of the history-making NLCS flameout.

The following year, he put up excellent numbers and helped the Cubs contend ... before going 4-for-25 with zero RBI during a final-week collapse that was amazing even by Cubbie standards.

Ramirez had 100 RBI seasons in 2007 and 2008 but choked like a dog each postseason: 0-for-12 with zero RBI as the Diamondbacks swept the Cubs aside in '07 and 2-for-11 with zero RBI as the Dodgers quickly dispatched the Cubs in '08.

The operative number is ZERO -- the RBI total for the Cubs' main run-producer in those clutch situations. Not even an accidental RBI by fielder's choice or sacrifice fly to go with his cumulative .105 batting average.

Add in the slow starts that condemned the Cubs to early extinction in several years -- and pretty much guaranteed the firing of Dusty Baker in 2006 and probably Mike Quade in 2011, and you've got a guy who merits a $16 million salary about as much as I merit a statue commemorating my golf exploits.

My friend Paul Sullivan, the outstanding Tribune baseball reporter, wrote in today's edition: "Despite nine mostly productive seasons on the North Side, Ramirez was never a beloved player for one reason or another."

One reason might have been a perceived lack of hustle, as Ramirez often didn't run out routine grounders. Newsflash for Cubbieland: Albert Pujols almost never runs out routine grounders. I'm guessing fans will get over that character flaw should Prince Albert accept the golden throne at Clark & Addison.

The main reason Ramirez probably wasn't beloved: He has been not a winner but a "stats compiler."

At the end of every season, his numbers always have looked good. Such statistical compiling has contributed mightily to his personal compiling of dollars: more than $100 million in earnings (and counting).

And yet when the Cubs really needed greatness, when they needed their big-money run-producer to produce runs, where was Mr. Clutch?

He's 33, his body has been breaking down and he has a history of shrinking when the lights shine brightest.

I don't blame fans for thinking it's time for him to compile stats and money elsewhere.

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Will Albert give St. Louis a hometown discount, meaning he'll only be able to buy one Maserati a month?

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There is only one month left in the baseball season. Is there also only one month left in Albert Pujols' Cardinals career?

I seriously doubt he'll end up with the 10-year, $300 million deal his agent supposedly wants. We already know he rejected an offer from St. Louis that was in the eight-year, $200 million neighborhood. (Nice neighborhood!) Pujols professes to love the Cardinals, the only team he has played for during his amazing 11-year career, but if the "hometown discount" he has in mind actually exceeds 25 mil a year, he just might have to find a new hometown.

The problem for Pujols -- if getting only $200 million can be called a problem -- is that his options are pretty limited. Not only are very few teams able to pay one player more than $25 million per year, but a younger (and less pricey) slugging first-base alternative, Prince Fielder, also will be on the open market.

So where might Pujols land? Let's look at some options.

CUBS

Remember how everybody was trying to make a big deal of that hug Albert shared with Jim Hendry? Well, Hendry has been banished from Cubbieland, so Albert obviously wouldn't be going there to get more lovin' from Big Jim. Stuck with several big contracts already (or stuck eating those contracts), would team chairman Tom Ricketts consider making a $275 million commitment to one ballplayer? Doubtful.

YANKEES & RED SOX

Sure, each always seems to be in the market for the best ballplayer available -- especially if each team learns that the other team wants that best ballplayer. But both already have huge money tied up in star first basemen. Would Pujols switch positions? At 32 (his age when next season starts), and with a gimpy arm, would you really want him at 3B or in the outfield? And would he want to be a DH after all those years in the NL? So unless the Yankees are going to trade Mark Teixeira or the Sox are going to deal Adrian Gonzalez, neither team figures to be serious players in the Albert Sweepstakes.

DODGERS & METS

These would have been true alternatives before both suffered serious financial problems. The Mets, especially, would love to steal the Yankees' thunder. They simply don't have the wherewithal right now to take the Pujols Plunge.

GIANTS

This one is intriguing. Would this pitching-rich, offense-challenged team take a run at a once-in-a-generation ballplayer who, if he remains healthy, could help them contend for the rest of the decade? I'd do it, but hey ... I've always been good at spending somebody else's money.

NATIONALS

They think they are on the cusp of greatness -- they do have lots of good, young players -- and they have been willing to spend money. They have some bad contracts, but Pujols certainly would help put fannies in the ballpark. The biggest question is: Would Albert want to start near the bottom after being with a team that contends most years? The Nats might have to blow away the competition, much as the Rangers did for A-Rod.

ORIOLES

Peter Angelos used to throw money around like crazy but after getting burned a zillion times, he's been reluctant. The O's have some nice talent and Angeles could be talked into thinking Pujols is the guy who'd let them challenge the Yankees and Red Sox. Angelos has quite the ego and also might enter the equation if he thinks the Nationals, just down the street, are serious. Again, though, even if the O's want Pujols, will Pujols want them?

PHILLIES

It's hard to believe I'm saying this about any team, but they really don't need Albert Pujols.

ANGELS

They desperately need a great hitter, but they are more likely to spend on medium-expensive ballplayers than on mega-contract guys.

RANGERS

Albert would love their ballpark, and he'd join a talented team that should contend for a decade. The owner who brought in a roided-up A-Rod is long gone, however, and new guy Nolan Ryan is going to have to pony up a lot of loot just to keep his team's core intact.

ROCKIES

Could they wave bye-bye to over-the-hill Todd Helton and bring in somebody who probably would use Coors Field to set the all-time HR record? They already have committed quite a sum to Tulo and Cargo ... so it's hard to imagine they'd bring in Pujo, who would make more than those two combined (and then some).

WHITE SOX

One often overlooks Jerry Reinsdorf in these things, but he has been willing to sneak in there and throw gajillions at great players. Lately, egged on by Ken Williams, Reinsdorf has been throwing gajillions at the likes of Alex Rios and Adam Dunn, so would he really be willing to spend so much more on one ballplayer? No way.

CONCLUSION

A few teams - maybe the Cubs, Orioles, Yankees, Red Sox, a couple others -- will put their big toes in the water before they decide the temperature is too hot.

The Nationals will make a serious run. If the Giants can find a taker for at least part of Barry Zito's remaining contract, they could be a factor.

In the end, though, it's impossible to believe that any team will want and need Pujols more than the Cardinals. And Pujols will realize he can be a St. Louis folk hero by settling for a mere $26 million annually over a nine-year contract.

What a country.
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Today's High Five - Baseball Edition

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5. Any day now, Derek Jeter will become the 28th player in major league history to achieve the 3,000-hit milestone. His pursuit already has garnered more publicity than the other 27.

Combined.

Please, oh god of baseball (and all things ESPN), let it happen already!

4. Can't we just bronze Albert Pujols and put him in the Hall of Fame right now?

3. I can't remember ever seeing a lamer effort at preventing a home run than the one turned in by White Sox centerfielder Alex Rios on Wednesday. He took his time pursuing Eric Hosmer's sky-high deep fly off Edwin Jackson and never even jumped as the ball bounced off the top of the wall and over the fence to give the Royals a 2-0 lead in a game they'd win 4-1.

How bad was it? Even the biggest homer in all announcing, Hawk Harrelson, ripped him.

Rios did manage one hit, lifting his batting average to a robust .216. Hey, what do you expect from a guy only making $70 million?

One thing's for sure: Had Rios -- not Dewayne Wise -- been playing center field for the White Sox on July 23, 2009, Mark Buehrle wouldn't have pitched a perfect game.

2. I don't envy the Mets when it comes to dealing with Jose Reyes.

As he's showing this season, when healthy he is one of baseball's most dynamic, valuable players.

Far too often, however, Reyes is not healthy. In fact, he's out with a tweaked hamstring right now.

How can the Mets afford to sign such a fragile dude to the nine-figure contract he'll demand as a free agent this offseason?

Then again, given their talent level, how can they afford not to?

1. Five years ago, Aramis Ramirez and first-year Cub Juan Pierre were high-paid players in contract years. Both were so awful in the first third of the season that they condemned the team to abject failure.

Both players went on to perform well when the pressure was off and earned ridiculously rich new contracts after the season.

Flash forward to 2011. Ramirez and first-year Cub Carlos Pena are high-paid players in contract years. Both were so awful in the first third of the season that they condemned the team to abject failure.

Now that the Cubs are approximately 1,000 games out of first place and the pressure is completely off, both Ramirez and Pena are smashing the ball all over the place.

What a surprise.

The biggest myth in all of baseball is that Aramis Ramirez is a good clutch player. Truth is, he's one of the biggest chokers in modern history.
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Hey Albert Gump: Stupid is as stupid does

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Getting mad at a reporter who dared ask if he was concerned that his broken wrist might affect his next contract, gazillion-dollar-free-agent-to-be Albert Pujols called it a "stupid question" and immediately ended the press gathering.

It wasn't a stupid question. It was THE question that had to be asked, THE question that is on the mind of baseball fans everywhere -- both those in St. Louis who hope he stays with the Cardinals and those in other cities want the generation's best hitter to play for their teams.

The question wasn't even asked Monday (the day Pujols found out he would miss at least six weeks) but Tuesday. The always respectful St. Louis media gave Albert plenty of time to let the news sink in before asking the question on everybody's mind.

The only stupid thing was Pujols' immature reaction.
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One-third way through a dismal Season 11, what's 10-year wonder Pujols worth?

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Say this about Albert Pujols: He's not one of those slugs who underperforms for several seasons only to use monster stats in his contract year to land the deal of a lifetime.

Pujols is doing the opposite of that, and it will be interesting to see if:

A. It continues, resulting in the only bad season of his 11-year career.

2. Such a poor performance will matter once he hits the free-agent market.

I tuned in just long enough to Monday's Cubs loss to hear beleaguered Cubbie owner Tom Ricketts respond to a question about advice the fans have been giving him. He said most of the advice concerns another first baseman in the division.

That was a nod to rumors about the Cubs being the main suitors for Pujols -- a move that would have the double benefit of adding this generation's best hitter while subtracting said hitter from the archrival Cardinals. (Curious to see if Bud Selig believes that just mentioning Pujols, albeit not by name, amounted to tampering.)

Pujols supposedly wants one of the richest contracts ever bestowed upon a ballplayer. And if any ballplayer has proven worthy of such ridiculous moolah, it is Pujols.

His first 10 years rank among the best career starts in baseball history, as he never batted below .312, never hit fewer than 34 homers, never drove in fewer than 103 runs and never posted an OPS below .955.

Then came this season, when Albert's numbers are down significantly across the board. Incredibly, 21 first basemen have a higher slugging percentage.

One could say: Hey, he's Albert Pujols. He'll start hitting again. Even if 2011 ends up being substandard, everyone's allowed one off year; his track record speaks for itself. He'll have 5, 7, maybe even 10 more great years. He'll be worth every dime his next team pays him.

Or one could say: He's only 31, but it's a "hard" 31, as he rarely has missed any games while playing through numerous injuries. Throw in the steroid whispers, and it's strictly a Buyer Beware situation.

Or maybe there's some middle ground. Maybe he'll be another Frank Thomas -- who had a similar Ted Williams/Jimmy Foxx/Joe DiMaggio/Frank Robinson start to his baseball life while leveling off to a fine-but-hardly-eye-popping second half of his career.

How much would the latter be worth on the open market?

Of course, worth means only one thing: Whether you are tremendous, terrible or something in between, you are worth exactly what some owner will pay you. Not a penny more or a penny less.

And so, as Pujols' season unfolds and then free agency arrives in November, we will see what he is worth to the Cubs, Cardinals, Yankees and the few other organizations that have the money and/or inclination to get in the mix.

It will be interesting, indeed, especially if he has un-Albert numbers at the end.
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