Don't blame me for Griffey not being a unanimous Hall of Famer or for Edmonds being off the ballot

^
Ken Griffey Jr. was named on the Hall of Fame ballots of all but three Baseball Writers Association of America voters -- giving him the highest percentage ever. I'm still trying to figure out how those three justified omitting perhaps the greatest center fielder ever -- not to mention one of the very best players of an entire generation, and an icon with a squeaky-clean reputation.

Oh well. There's no exact science. I mean, it took Joe Freakin' DiMaggio four tries to get enshrined.

A couple of weeks ago here, I discussed why I voted for Jim Edmonds. It's a shame he didn't get enough votes to stay on the ballot for next year -- my check mark was one of only 11 he received, and he needed exactly twice that many.

Edmonds was twice the ballplayer Jeff Kent and Fred McGriff ever were, yet they got significantly more votes and will stay on the ballot. Edmonds was as likely to save a game with a great defensive play as he was with a clutch hit, something Kent and McGriff certainly couldn't say.

I guess it doesn't really matter, because Kent and McGriff will never get named on 75% of the ballots (as is mandated for enshrinement). Neither will Lee Smith, Larry Walker nor Edgar Martinez, other very, very good big-leaguers whom I didn't rate as worthy as Edmonds.

Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds remained well short of the votes they needed but they did get a higher percentage than they did previously. I am 95% certain I will vote for both of them next year, their fifth on the ballot. I discuss my reasoning in earlier posts here on TBT.

Aside from Griffey and Edmonds, I also voted for:

Mike Piazza, who will join Griffey as the only two BBWAA-elected players in this year's class; Jeff Bagwell, who finished 15 votes short; Tim Raines, who missed by 23 votes; Curt Schilling, who was named on 52% of the ballots; Mike Mussina, 43%; and Alan Trammell, a great guy and very good ballplayer who didn't get in on his final year on the ballot.

The Hall of Fame, in conjunction with the BBWAA, has changed rules to weed out some voters. I will be one of those eventually weeded out because I'm no longer an active baseball writer. But I pay attention, I take it seriously, and I sure as hell didn't leave Ken Griffey Jr. off of my ballot.

+++

Tuesday was my favorite day of 2016 so far.

First, my Scholars Academy Eagles played one of our better games in my three years as coach, easily vanquishing our opponent to improve to 6-0 on the season.

Our team motto is Work Hard! Play Right! Have Fun! and the "Play Right" part is always the most elusive. My girls work harder than anybody and they are a great group that has a lot of fun. But they are 11-to-14 year old girls, and it's not always easy for them to play "right." Even in some fairly decisive wins, we have been error-prone.

On Tuesday, we minimized our mistakes and really did a great job of moving the basketball. It was a pleasure to watch. Three times, I drew up plays or made suggestions, and they executed each of them, so they were very coachable, too.

We play again Thursday, and I'm really interested in seeing if we can do it again.

Later Tuesday, a small Charlotte contingent of Marquette alums got together with a small group of Providence alums to watch the Marquette-Providence game. We were 0-2 in the Big East with two pretty bad losses, and Providence was ranked No. 8 in the country. Plus, the Friars were the hosts. Honestly, I didn't give my lads much of a chance.

But Marquette outworked and outplayed Providence most of the game. Most impressively, after Providence rallied to take an 8-point lead with about 6 minutes to go, the young Marquette team fought back, took the lead in the final minute and held on to win by a point.

It was the "signature victory" so far for Marquette under second-year coach Steve Wojciechowski, who starts three freshmen and a sophomore.

After the final horn sounded and the Warrior fans exchanged high-fives, I didn't do too much trash-talking to our friends from Providence.

A little, but not too much!
^

Thanksgiving's over, but there's always room for the Turkey of the Year countdown

^

For 17 years now, I've used the Thanksgiving holiday as an occasion to lob a few grenades at each sports year’s chumps, losers, lunkheads, criminals and clods. Because I was traveling last week, this Turkey of the Year countdown is, for the first time, being presented after we’ve all consumed our turkey, stuffing and pie. I’m looking at it as a heaping helping of luscious leftovers!

Previous "winners" (and by that, I mean "losers"):

Mike McCaskey (1998); Jerry Krause (1999); Bobby Knight(2000); David Wells and Frank Thomas (2001); Dick Jauron(2002); Sammy Sosa (2003 and 2004); Andy MacPhail, Jim Hendry and Dusty Baker (2005); Aramis Ramirez (2006);Charlie Weis (2007); Choking Cubbies (2008); Milton Bradley (2009); Mark McGwire (2010); Joe Paterno and the Penn State Enablers (2011); U.S. Ryder Cup Team (2012); Alex Rodriguez (2013); Roger Goodell and Ray Rice (2014).

Sharp-eyed readers will notice that up until 2010, each of those Turkeys did their gobbling in Chicago or the Midwest. That's because I columnized for the Copley newspaper group in Chicago, where the annual countdown got its start under my predecessor and friend, the late, great Gene Seymour. Since moving to North Carolina, I've expanded my Turkey-choosing horizons. Still, as always, I dedicate this in memory of Gene.

So grab (yet another) hunk of pie and enjoy ...

12. BO RYAN ... Bo knows winning -- and whining. After masterfully coaching his Wisconsin Badgers into the NCAA title game, he couldn’t resist taking shots at Duke, Kentucky and other programs that use "rent-a-players." He forgot to mention that he went hard after Kevon Looney -- a freshman at UCLA last year whom everybody knew would be 1-and-done -- as well as two of this season’s top frosh, Marquette’s Henry Ellenson and Maryland’s Diamond Stone. So what Ryan really meant was that he didn’t like the fact that Coach K and Coach Cal were able to land the kind of 1-and-dones who apparently want nothing to do with Coach Bo. Hypocrites make wonderful turkeys!

11. TED LILLY ... The former Cubs, Dodgers, Yankees, A’s and Blue Jays pitcher took out an insurance policy on his RV and then crashed it four days later, claiming $4,600 in damage. Routine stuff, right? Yeah, except the crash actually happened five days BEFORE he took out the policy. Once nabbed, he faced three felony charges of insurance fraud. He took a plea bargain to avoid jail time and received only a small fine, community service and probation. I can see why Lilly would try to get away with a $4,600 scam, given that he only made $80 million during his 15-year career. Of course, I’ll always remember Lilly for the way he slammed down his glove – Bad News Bears style – after giving up a home run in Game 2 of the 2007 NL playoffs. 

10. BRANDON BOSTICK ... As part of Green Bay’s “hands” unit in last season’s NFC title game, he had one job: Block for Jordy Nelson so that the Packers’ No. 1 receiver could catch the football if Seattle sent an onside kick in their direction. Instead, Green Bay’s third-string tight end tried to make the catch himself. The ball went off of his hands and helmet and was recovered by the Seahawks, who promptly drove for the winning touchdown. (As bad as that was, he didn’t deserve the death threats that came his way. What the hell is wrong with people?)

9. CLEVELAND FIREWORKS GUY & JASON PIERRE-PAUL ... Fireworks are fun, right? Pity the poor sap in charge of setting off fireworks after Indians home runs; he accidentally hit the button after Kansas City’s Alex Rios went yard and was last seen burying his head in his hands. And really pity Pierre-Paul, the Giants defensive end who damn near blew off his hand on the Fourth of July. Mom was right about not playing with matches!

8. PATRICIA DRISCOLL & ANNA HANSEN ... You can be forgiven if your reaction to both names is, “Who?” Well, Driscoll is the ex-wife of auto racer Kurt Busch, who testified in court that Driscoll is a trained assassin who has been dispatched on covert missions around the globe. And Hansen is the long-time girlfriend of Lance Armstrong; she claimed to have been driving the car when a drunk Armstrong drove into two parked cars after a party and then fled the scene. Armstrong, one of the most infamous pathological liars in history, let Hansen take the fall. You can’t make up stuff like this.

7. GREG ABBOTT ... After the Astros scored three runs in the seventh inning to take a 6-2 lead in Game 4 of the ALDS, the Texas governor sent out a tweet congratulating the ‘Stros for advancing to the ALCS. Problem was, the Royals came back with five runs in the eighth. They won that game and then took Game 5 two days later to capture the series. Oops! But hey, at least this Texas governor didn’t take the national debate stage and forget which federal agencies he’d eliminate. Nor did he proclaim “Mission Accomplished” a few months into an unnecessary, unfunded, decade-long war. In other words, there’s still plenty of time to REALLY embarrass yourself, Gov. Abbott!

6. ROGER GOODELL ... It was another tough year for the NFL commissioner, our 2014 Turkey of the Year. Tom Brady got away with cheating. Greg Hardy got away with beating the crap out of his girlfriend. Goodell’s nemesis, the Patriots, won the Super Bowl and he spinelessly skipped their banner-raising celebration. Goodell also got caught lying in the aftermath of the Ray Rice fiasco. And so on and so on. Why do NFL owners put up with him? (Hell, they don’t just put up with him, they pay him tens of millions of dollars annually!) Well, because he is good at making the league money, especially TV money. So maybe it wasn’t that bad a year after all for Goodell, who can count his bounty while he ignores his critics.

  

5. PETE CARROLL ... The Seahawks coach has taken endless grief for his decision to try to win the Super Bowl by having Russell Wilson attempt a second-down pass from the 1-yard line -- a pass that was intercepted by the Patriots’ Malcolm Butler. Some have labeled it the worst play call in NFL history. Most felt Carroll should have run Marshawn Lynch up the middle. Frankly, I don’t think passing in that situation was such a bad idea, but I’d have preferred Carroll give Wilson a run-pass option to the outside, a play that would have let Wilson easily throw the ball away if nobody was open and there was no running lane. Regardless of what one thinks of Carroll’s decision, though, there’s no question it began what has turned out to be a trying 2015 for him and his team.

4. DUKE-MIAMI GAME OFFICIALS ... I don’t know why anybody should be critical of
referee Jerry Magallanes and his crew. After all, they only blew FOUR calls during the Hurricanes’ last-second, 8-lateral desperation play – a play that resulted in a ridiculous Miami touchdown that cost Duke the game. Miami finished 8-4 to Duke’s 7-5 and probably will get to play in a more lucrative bowl game, too. The sitaution was so bad that the ACC actually suspended the crew for two weeks -- and conferences HATE acknowledging officiating errors. While this boo-boo was especially amazing because the officials didn’t correctly use a replay system that was put in place to avoid just this kind of outcome, it was merely this season’s most egregious screw-up by college and pro football refs. Pass interference especially seems like just a “best guess” for these clowns. 

3.  LARRY BROWN & SMU ADMINISTRATION ... I understand the allure of Brown, who wins wherever he coaches. But he should stick to the pros, where he doesn’t have to cheat to win. Brown’s SMU hoops team was barred from the postseason and hit with other major sanctions after Brown was found guilty of academic fraud and unethical conduct. Brown, whose Hall of Fame career includes a long history of NBA success, has coached at three universities. All three – Kansas, UCLA and SMU – ended up getting punished for major violations under Brown. SMU, the only school ever to be hit with the “death penalty” for football violations a couple decades back, should have known better. But I guess Brown is just too darn irresistible.

2. CHASE UTLEY ... The dirty Dodger’s sinful slide in the NLCS ended the season of Mets SS Ruben Tejada. It was gratifying that the incident ended up fueling the passion that soon helped the Mets end the Dodgers’ season. Utley used to be a great player, but he has been declining for years -- and apparently this kind of douchebaggery is all he has left. Sorry, but those who argue it was just a guy “playing hard” are turkeys, too.

And now, for the 2015 Turkey of the Year, it's nice to return the "honor" to its Chicago roots ...

DERRICK ROSE 

After missing two-thirds of his team's games over the previous four seasons, what was the major topic the Bulls star wanted to discuss as the team opened training camp this year? His health? His excitement about getting back with his teammates? His desire to return to MVP form and lead the Bulls to the NBA title? Not quite. 

"This whole summer I had tunnel vision. My mindset was I was working out every day and spending as much time as possible with my son, making sure my family is financially stable. As far as you see all the money they're passing out in this league -- just telling the truth -- and knowing my day will be coming up soon. It's not for me. It's for P.J. and his future. So that's what I'm thinking about right now." 

It's important to note that Rose had been asked a question about an entirely different subject. Unsolicited, he brought up being a free agent -- something that's still two years away for him.

A reporter asked a follow-up question just to make sure that really was Rose’s main focus.

“Yeah … I’m preparing for it.” 

Hey Derrick, you know what really will help you make even more money than the $100 million-plus your current contract is paying you? 

How about playing most of your team’s games and, you know, actually accomplishing something in the postseason?!?!

Oct. 13: Birthday Of The Stars (and a certain bald schlub)

^
An early Happy Birthday wish to my former Marquette classmate Glenn Rivers (now universally known as Doc), who was born Oct. 13, 1961, exactly one year after I was.

And while I'm at it, early Happy Birthday wishes to ...

Jerry Rice, the greatest receiver ever to lace 'em up.

Marie Osmond (even though, unlike her, I'm a lotta bit rock 'n' roll).

Paul Simon, who still can get me feelin' groovy.

Dark comedian Lenny Bruce (RIP)

Sacha Baron Cohen, who no doubt will celebrate by making sexy time.

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, who hasn't won a lick since naming himself GM.

Clutch hoopster Paul Pierce (and far-less-clutch hoopster Jermaine O'Neal).

Nancy Kerrigan, one of sport's all-time victims.

Kelly Preston, Jerry Maguire's squeeze.

Kate Walsh. Is there any TV show she hasn't been mediocre in?

Sammy Hagar -- The Red Rocker.

Margaret Thatcher -- The Iron Lady. (RIP)

Ari Fleischer, who as Dubya's press secretary had the dubious assignment of making his boss sound intelligible.

"Foolish" songstress Ashanti.

Trevor Hoffman, who saved 601 games even though his fastball could be measured by a sundial.

Wow ... what a great list of October 13 birthdays!

And while I'm at it, an early Happy Birthday To Me!

For yours truly, it's double-nickels -- a term I'll always associate with Michael Jordan's 55-point performance at Madison Square Garden shortly after his first un-retirement in 1995.

Jeesh ... was that really 20 years ago? How time flies when you share a birth date with Ari Fleischer!

---

And in other less-important news ...

++ Of course Chase Utley's slide was dirty. The rent-a-Dodger was practically past second base when he wiped out Ruben Tejada, breaking the Mets shortstop's leg. Kudos to MLB executive Joe Torre for suspending Utley. It's worth noting that Torre, who has as much integrity as any man in baseball, used to manage the Dodgers.

++ "These things are scripted, I guess, and I wasn't in the script this time." -- Anirban Lahiri, International team golfer, after he missed a short putt to lose to Chris Kirk and cost his team a tie in the Presidents Cup. Hey man, if you want to believe God chose Kirk instead of you and the Americans instead of your team as a rationale for your choke job, go for it.

++ I keep thinking the Seahawks are going to start dominating games again, but they keep avoiding doing so. I hope they delay it at least another week, as they face my Panthers next Sunday.

++ Oh, and one more early birthday shout-out to Phil Arvia, my good buddy and fellow former Chicago sports columnist. Phil has traded in his laptop for a bass guitar, and he's just more proof that there's life after the newspaper biz. I am still waiting for him to invite me on stage to sing, though. You haven't rocked or rolled until you've heard my rendition of Del Shannon's "Runaway"!

Today's High 5: MLB All-Star Break Edition

^
5. Any conversation about baseball's most overpaid players has to start and end with Alex Rodriguez. I mean, the guy has a $275 million contract, hasn't played a minute this season due to injury, looked washed up last year and soon could be suspended for taking PEDs. Yep, A-Rod is a good first choice.

But then who?

Josh Hamilton? Albert Pujols? Alfonso Soriano? Mark Teixeira? Johan Santana? All fine choices. And there are plenty of other candidates.

Why do few if any mention Joe Mauer?

The Twins catcher is the All-American boy. Good looking. Looks like he's worth $184 million. Multiple All-Star. Spurned bigger offers from other teams to stay with his hometown team. He's batting .320, ninth-best in the majors.

You look at all that and you don't want him to be in the conversation. But ...

Mauer has 32 RBI at the All-Star break. Thirty-two! And unlike many of the guys on many overpaid lists, he hasn't been injured.

You know who has more than 32 RBI so far this season?

++ 128 other ballplayers.

++ 15 other catchers ... including his own backup, Ryan Doumit (who also plays OF and DH) ... and Milwaukee's Jonathan Lucroy, Mauer's former backup.

++ at least 8 leadoff men, including one in the NL (Matt Carpenter of St. Louis), who has 13 more RBI than Mauer even though he bats behind the pitcher.

++ 5 other Twins, who combined don't make anywhere near $184 million.

++ Pujols, Soriano and even Hamilton, who has looked lost at the plate most of the season.

++ Brewers OF Ryan Braun, who has missed 30 games with injuries.

++ And, of course, Miguel Cabrera, who goes into the break with 95 RBI -- three times as many as Mauer. I never thought I'd say a guy with a $153.3 million contract was a bargain!

4. The Cubs and White Sox are a combined 27 games under .500 and 29 games out of first place. At least the Cubs have admitted they're rebuilding.

3. Giants ex-stud Tim Lincecum pitched a no-hitter against the anemic Padres on Saturday. He was allowed to throw 148 pitches.

148 pitches! Wow. I hope the no-no was worth it.

In the eighth and ninth innings, the one-time flamethrower's fastball was topping out at 91 mph. His mechanics have been messed up the last couple of years.

"There was no way he was coming out," Giants manager Bruce Bochy said. "I was just praying he didn't hit the 150 mark."

He should be praying Lincicum avoids the disabled list.

2. MIDSEASON AWARDS:

AL MVP: Miguel Cabrera, Tigers. It's a very close two-man race between Mr. Triple Crown and Baltimore's Eric Davis. Right now, we'll give a slight edge to the guy who has his team in first place.

NL MVP: Yadier Molina, Cardinals. The No. 1 catcher in baseball -- ridiculously better than Mauer -- does so much behind the plate for the NL's best team that it almost doesn't matter what he does at the plate. Having said that, he also leads the league in batting. Narrow call over teammate Allen Craig and Arizona's Paul Goldschmidt.

AL Cy Young: Bartolo Colon, A's. Let's give him something to be happy about because there's word that he might get suspended for juicing. I never would have guessed that he'd need to cheat to get that body! Max Scherzer and Felix Hernandez are right up there, too.

NL Cy Young: Clayton Kershaw is only 8-6 but he leads the league in ERA, WHIP and BA against. Tough call over Patrick Corbin, Jordan Zimmerman, Matt Harvey and Adam Wainwright.

1. At 56-37, the Pirates have baseball's third-best record.

I want to believe in them.

Then again, I wanted to believe in them last season, too.

There's absolutely no way they'll find some way to go 24-45 in the second half to wrap up their 21st straight losing season, right?

Right?
^

Unlike Cubbies, Blackhawks found a way to win -- not another way lose

^
If that had been the Cubs playing the Red Wings, they would have lost in overtime ... and "cursed" again would have been the word of the day, week, month, year, decade and century.

If that had been the White Sox playing the Red Wings, they would have lost in overtime ... and Hawk would have been whining about the dadgum dodobird who cost them the series.

If that had been the Bulls playing the Red Wings, they would have lost in overtime ... and conspiracy theorists would have opined that "of course, the NBA wanted the Red Wings to win."

If that had been the Bears playing the Red Wings, they would have lost in overtime ... and Jay Cutler would have shoved an offensive lineman after J.C.'s game-losing interception.

Thankfully, the Blackhawks were the Chicago team playing the Red Wings.

They weren't happy that a bad offsetting-penalty call nullified Niklas Hjalmarsson's apparent game-winning goal with less than 2 minutes left in regulation. But they quickly got over the disappointment, regrouped during the break before overtime and won it on Brent Seabrook's goal early in OT.

Blackhawks captain Jonathan Toews, who is trying to lead his squad to a second Stanley Cup championship in four years, rallied the team after regulation, reminding his mates that the refs hadn't cost the Hawks the series. The Blackhawks, he said, still controlled their own destiny.

"Keep working," Toews said. "We were not going to go away that way."

Yes, it sucks to be victimized by a bad call. But every game in every sport includes hundreds of good plays and bad plays by both teams, good moves and bad moves by both coaches and good calls and bad calls by the officials. It's especially pathetic when a team caves after a bad call or an unfortunate bounce that doesn't even end the season -- yes, I'm talking to you, 1985 Cardinals, 1986 Red Sox and 2003 Cubs.

Many people forget that even after Don Denkinger's screw-up, Bill Buckner's blunder and Steve Bartman's foul play, the Cards, Sox and Cubs still had a chance to prevail. Each memorable moment came in a Game 6 and only tied the series. Instead, St. Louis, Boston and Chicago shrunk from the challenge and folded in Game 7. To this day, fans of those teams blame Denkinger, Buckner and Bartman.

If only those teams -- if only ALL teams -- took fate into their own hands, held themselves accountable and got the job done.

You know, just as Toews and the Blackhawks did.
^

Time again for this old hack to play ball

^
There was a point between wanting to be a comedian and wanting to be a veterinarian that I actually wanted to be a basketball player when I grew up.

Then, as now, I wasn't very smart. But even I was smart enough to know a not-quite-6-foot Jewish kid with the speed of a plow horse and the leaping ability of a sumo wrestler probably wasn't going to be able to hang with the likes of Bob McAdoo and Jamaal Wilkes.

So I gave up on that dream -- and, soon enough, would give up on the idea of being a veterinarian when I discovered to my horror that I'd actually have to take science and math while going to college for something like eleventy-zillion years -- to become a writer.

No regrets ... but that doesn't mean I'm still not a wannabe jock. And these days, that means doing the few active things I can do and hopefully not get maimed in the process.

That was a long introduction to say this:

It's softball time again!

Yes, for the second straight year, I'm playing in the Charlotte Senior Sports softball league. The season just started but already I've seen my share of excitement. Believe it or not, the Sons of Pitches actually traded for me a couple of weeks before the opener. Hey, if Babe Ruth, Nolan Ryan and Jeff Bagwell weren't too good to be traded, neither was I!

Our manager, Pat, and his first-round draft choice, Tom, were major contributors on my championship team from last year and decided they wanted me as a teammate again.

For comic relief, I assume.

In reality, I'm pretty sure Pat acquired me because he and I had been among the only folks who regularly went out for a beer after games last season. I'm an OK ballplayer who is willing to play anywhere the manager wants, and I'm a team-first chatterbox who makes wise cracks to keep everybody loose, but really, all Pat wanted was his drinking buddy back.

So anyway, we played our first game of the season Tuesday. It was a back-and-forth affair that we lost 19-18 in the final inning. I played catcher and batted 10th, both of which were absolutely fine by me. A lot of people don't like catching, but I think it's fun to handle the ball on every play and maybe be on the receiving end of a huge play that can decide a game. As for where I bat in the lineup, I'd be worried about my team if I was placed too high in the order.

I was fine at the plate, with two singles, a walk and three runs. As one might guess looking at the score, we had several players who did as well or better than I did. We struggled some in the field, though, which will happen in a season opener. The other team didn't exactly flash a bunch of Gold Gloves, either.

Aside from the final result, it was a fun night -- even if I had to disappoint Pat and opt out of postgame libations. I've been battling a cold and I decided that NyQuil, not Stella Artois, should provide my alcohol for the evening.

Hopefully, next week will be a different story, both on the scoreboard and afterward.
^

Trying to remember how to have a ball

^
Aside from the obvious -- my kids and my close friends -- the thing I miss the most about Chicago is baseball.

When I came to that realization, it surprised me a little. After all, I'm neither a Cubs fan nor a White Sox fan ... and, in fact, I spent the a good part of my 16 years there making fun of both teams.

(OK, I made lots more fun of the Cubbies. For 100-plus obvious reasons. But that's besides the point.)

Looking back, there was something cool about waking up every summer morning knowing there was going to be a game in my town that afternoon or evening. And as one who made a living chronicling the adventures of Ozzie, Sammy, Paulie and Gracie, it truly was comforting, too.

Here in Charlotte, we don't have baseball. Even the Triple-A team plays in a suburb across the border in South Carolina. I'd call the Knights an afterthought, but that would be insulting afterthoughts everywhere.

Fortunately, I can follow baseball pretty easily. On any given night, there are a half-dozen games being aired on some combination of ESPN, MLB, WGN and the various regional sports channels on my cable package.

Oh yeah, there's that InterWeb thingy, too. That comes in handy.

So anyway ...

This being the All-Star break -- and with another of Bud Selig's thrilling This Time It Counts All-Star Games in the books -- I thought I'd take a quick look at what we've seen to date and what we'll see in the season's second half.

FIVE BIGGEST STORIES SO FAR:

5. The Angels' season has been saved by a rookie (Mike Trout) who makes roughly a zillionth as much money as the guy who was supposed to save them (Albert Pujols).

4. The NL East has become the Bizarro Division, with the Nationals rolling to a 4-game lead over the Braves ... and a 14-game lead over the Phillies.

3. Statistically, two-time Cy Young Award winner Tim Lincecum is the worst pitcher in the major leagues. Somehow, his Giants are in a dead heat with the Dodgers atop the NL West.

2. Pitchers great (Matt Cain) and not so great (Phil Humber) threw perfect games, and three other guys threw no-hitters, but it was a guy who could "only" throw a couple of one-hitters, R.A. Dickey, who knuckled his way into the headlines the most.

1. The Pirates are in first place. Repeat: The Pittsburgh Effin Pirates are in first place!!

NL FIRST-HALF MVP BALLOT:

5. Melky Cabrera. Batting .356 for a Giants team with nary another .300 hitter.

4. Carlos Beltran. 20 HR, 65 RBI for Cardinals. Albert Who?

3. David Wright. I thought the Mets would be anchored in last place by now.

2. Joey Votto. The Big Red Hitting Machine.

1. Andrew McCutchen. You did get the memo that the Pittsburgh Effin Pirates are in first place, right?

AL FIRST-HALF MVP BALLOT:

5. Mike Trout. Albert's Angels were wound too tight until the kid showed 'em how to have fun again.

4. Paul Konerko. Once again, Mr. Dependable on the South Side.

3. Robinson Cano. A swing of beauty for the Yankees.

2. Miguel Cabrera. After a slow start, the Tigers are right there.

1. Josh Hamilton. Duh.

FIVE THOUGHTS HEADING IN THE SECOND HALF:

5. I admit I was skeptical at first, but I'm loving the idea of the second wild-card team. There finally is real incentive to winning a division vs. being a wild-card team, and this situation sets up potentially incredible races between the Rangers and Angels; the White Sox and Tigers (sorry Indians; I'm not feeling ya); the Pirates and the rest of the NL Central; and, especially, the Dodgers and Giants. If I'm gonna criticize The Commish for his silly ideas, I have to praise him for his good ones.

4. Cubbieland needs to let Anthony Rizzo be the 22-year-old rookie and not ask him to be the next Tyler Colvin. Because ridiculous expectations didn't work out so well for the last Tyler Colvin.

3. I wouldn't bet against Pujols finishing with 30 HR, 100 RBI and a postseason berth. Someday before his contract expires, he'll be mediocre. Someday, however, is still lots and lots and lots of days away. (Meanwhile, someday seems to have arrived for Alex Rodriguez. Hey, nobody ever said life without HGH would be easy.)

2. Really looking forward to Robin Ventura matching wits with Jim Leyland down the stretch.

1. Nats vs. Pirates in the NLCS! Crazy? Impossible? Well, the Twins and Braves each finished in last place in 1990, a year before they met in the best World Series I've ever seen.

Today's High 5: NBA conspiracies, idiotic tweets and the baldest of eagles

^
5. I am shocked -- shocked! -- that the Hornets, who have been owned and operated by the NBA this past year, won the Draft Lottery (and the right to select the only great player available).

And I am shocked -- shocked! -- that anybody would dare suggest a conspiracy or a conflict of interest.

4. It seems Albert Pujols isn't the next Mo Vaughn after all.

3. The Baldest Eagle has landed!

That's right: I carded my first-ever eagle on Thursday thanks to a boomer of a drive, a best-of-the-season 5-iron and a 2 1/2 foot putt. If I'd have choked on that putt, I never would have lived it down.

I saved my choke for the next hole, when I hit my 9-iron tee shot within 5 feet and then promptly 3-putted.

Eagle or no eagle ... I still golf like me, dammit!

2. Will any of us ever forget where we were Wednesday, when Kordell Stewart announced his retirement from pro football a mere 7 years after he last wore a uniform?

1. Has-been Wally Szczerbiak took to Twitter to rip ex-teammate Kevin Garnett for being a guy who "lacks the #clutchgene."

Yes, the famously clutch Szczerbiak ... owner of what, a dozen NBA titles? OK, not quite. But he was owner of a reputation as one of the NBA's most selfish players back in his day.

A day that has long since passed, by the way.

Wally Effin Szczerbiak ain't even the lint in KG's belly button. Put a hash-tag on that, loser.

It's not the Hall of Very Good

^

It shouldn't be easy to get in the Baseball Hall of Fame, so I don't feel "sorry" for anybody who didn't make it. Two guys I voted for didn't get enough votes: Tim Raines and Jack Morris. They'll have more chances, though Morris only has two more years on the ballot.

Meanwhile, congrats to Barry Larkin, a heck of a shortstop in his day and, from all accounts, a decent guy.

The buzz is already starting about The Juicer Class of '13. Lots of interesting debates to come!

^

Over and out for the Cain Train

^

It was fun while it lasted but it's officially over for Mr. 9-9-9.

No, Herman Cain has not announced yet that he's ending his never-had-a-chance bid for the GOP presidential nomination, but he has said this:

"It ain't over till it's over."

Which, of course, is the death knell.

Ever since Yogi Berra said that (or at least was reputed to have said that), a zillion other underdogs have uttered that mumbo-jumbo.

Alas, a zillion out of a zillion times, there was no comeback.

Good rule of thumb: As soon as somebody says "It ain't over till it's over," you know for certain that it's over.

Herman was good for a laugh, but he can now return to reality. Which, he might tell you, is nowhere near Libya.

^

Today's High Five - Baseball Edition

^
5. Any day now, Derek Jeter will become the 28th player in major league history to achieve the 3,000-hit milestone. His pursuit already has garnered more publicity than the other 27.

Combined.

Please, oh god of baseball (and all things ESPN), let it happen already!

4. Can't we just bronze Albert Pujols and put him in the Hall of Fame right now?

3. I can't remember ever seeing a lamer effort at preventing a home run than the one turned in by White Sox centerfielder Alex Rios on Wednesday. He took his time pursuing Eric Hosmer's sky-high deep fly off Edwin Jackson and never even jumped as the ball bounced off the top of the wall and over the fence to give the Royals a 2-0 lead in a game they'd win 4-1.

How bad was it? Even the biggest homer in all announcing, Hawk Harrelson, ripped him.

Rios did manage one hit, lifting his batting average to a robust .216. Hey, what do you expect from a guy only making $70 million?

One thing's for sure: Had Rios -- not Dewayne Wise -- been playing center field for the White Sox on July 23, 2009, Mark Buehrle wouldn't have pitched a perfect game.

2. I don't envy the Mets when it comes to dealing with Jose Reyes.

As he's showing this season, when healthy he is one of baseball's most dynamic, valuable players.

Far too often, however, Reyes is not healthy. In fact, he's out with a tweaked hamstring right now.

How can the Mets afford to sign such a fragile dude to the nine-figure contract he'll demand as a free agent this offseason?

Then again, given their talent level, how can they afford not to?

1. Five years ago, Aramis Ramirez and first-year Cub Juan Pierre were high-paid players in contract years. Both were so awful in the first third of the season that they condemned the team to abject failure.

Both players went on to perform well when the pressure was off and earned ridiculously rich new contracts after the season.

Flash forward to 2011. Ramirez and first-year Cub Carlos Pena are high-paid players in contract years. Both were so awful in the first third of the season that they condemned the team to abject failure.

Now that the Cubs are approximately 1,000 games out of first place and the pressure is completely off, both Ramirez and Pena are smashing the ball all over the place.

What a surprise.

The biggest myth in all of baseball is that Aramis Ramirez is a good clutch player. Truth is, he's one of the biggest chokers in modern history.
^

How 'bout a Big Mac for Thanksgiving?

Thanksgiving is all about tradition, so I'm back with my 13th edition of Turkey of the Year.

This tradition dates back to 1998, when Michael McCaskey had so mismanaged the Bears that his mommy took the team presidency away from him and sent him to his room without supper.

Since then, a veritable Who's Who of losers, lunkheads, dopers, dorks, bullies and boors have earned Top Turkey honors: Jerry Krause (1999); Bobby Knight (2000); David Wells & Frank Thomas (2001); Dick Jauron (2002); Sammy Sosa (2003 and 2004); Andy MacPhail, Jim Hendry & Dusty Baker (2005); Aramis Ramirez (2006); Charlie Weis (2007); Choking Cubbies (2008); Milton Bradley (2009).

You'll notice that most of those fine folks had Chicago connections. Even Knight (Big Ten) and Weis (Notre Dame) were in the region. That's because I columnized and blogged mostly about Chicago sports during those years.

Now that I'm a man of the world (North Carolina is part of the world, right?), the 2010 Turkey Countdown has a much different look.

As always, I dedicate this tradition to my absent friend, Gene Seymour, my Copley columnist predecessor and one of the great guys I ever encountered in journalism.

So let's get to it ...

10. OMAR MINAYA. Architect of the most expensive losers in baseball. Hey, at least the Mets were champs of something during Minaya's run as General Mismanager!

9. BOBBY KNIGHT. Mr. I Hate The Media is now part of the media. And on this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful that most members of the sports media are better at their jobs than Bobby is at his. The man is so awful as an ESPN analyst that I find myself wishing Dickie V were on the telecast instead. Really.

8. BRETT FAVRE. Seems the only thing he can make up his mind about is being a sleazebag.

7. MLB UMPS. I get that they have a tough job and that it's almost unfair to judge them based upon super-slo-mo replays. But these guys are so routinely bad that it's almost surprising when they get big calls right. And unlike Jim Joyce, most umps take no responsibility for their incompetence.

6. PETE CARROLL and REGGIE BUSH. They teamed up to do what no opponent could: bring USC football to its knees. They didn't even stick around to deal with the carnage they wrought, having bolted for the big bucks of the NFL. Makes you want to tell Reggie what he can do with that trophy.

5. BEN ROETHLISBERGER. Big Ben ... Good QB ... Bad Guy.

4. BRUCE PEARL. Years after he ratted out a dirty Illinois program, we learn that he's been running an even dirtier program at Tennessee. Wearing ugly orange blazers isn't punishment enough for this phony jerk.

3. LeBRON JAMES. Put on one of the most unnecessary, self-serving productions in the history of the world. But at least his talents have helped the Heat to an 8-7 start.

2. TIGER WOODS. Marriage? Over. PGA Tour victories? Zip. Ryder Cup? Back in Europe. New endorsement deals? Nada. No. 1 ranking? Now belongs to Lee Westwood. Talk about a rough year for the guy who had been the world's dominant athlete for more than a decade. I guess only bad things happen when a guy can't control his Eldrick.

And now ... drumstick roll, please ... the 2010 Turkey of the Year:

MARK McGWIRE.

Big Mac finally admitted he spent years juicing - and spent years lying about it. But even his admission was full of misleading statements.

He claimed he only juiced so he could stay healthy enough to play but then said his juicing had nothing to do with his home-run totals. Uh ... hello? How do you get the HRs without staying on the field? It's hard to believe McGwire was too stupid to make the connection, so we'll just assume he was being his deceitful self.

He obviously came clean for only two reasons: One, to clear his conscience. And two, to get the job as Cardinals hitting coach for his Chief Enabler, Tony La Russa. McGwire then worked wonders with St. Louis batters, who finished in the middle of the pack in most categories. Remember: This is a group that includes the best hitter in baseball.

Redbird bats really slumbered down the stretch. And as McGwire's charges faded, the Cardinals handed Cincinnati the division title.

Sadly, Cardinals fans - who like to call themselves baseball's best - took every opportunity to cheer their beloved cheater, liar and fraud.

Turns out, they got exactly what they deserved in 2010.
^

Management regrets the error

^
Under the subject line "Old habits die hard, I guess," my former GateHouse editor, Casey Laughman (who later met a similar fate at the hands of that fine company), couldn't resist needling me a little by e-mail:

"I can't believe I'm pointing this out, but Nolan Ryan was on the Miracle Mets in '69."

D'oh! Despite me blogging that Ryan, now the Rangers' GM, had never sniffed a World Series as a player, he was, in fact, a wild-throwing bit player on the Mets' first title team. Another nice catch by Casey!

Man, I'd better clean up my act. If I keep making mistakes like that, I could get fired from this lucrative gig!
^

Stallworth, like Vick, can show he deserves second chance

^

The Bald Truth

The Browns won't commit to bringing Donte' Stallworth back next season. Fair enough. He has to earn their trust.

I applaud NFL commissioner Roger Goodell for doing what the courts were afraid to do: punish Stallworth harshly for getting drunk, getting behind the wheel of a car and killing an innocent man. The one-year suspension without pay won't bring the victim back to life, but at least it's something real - as opposed to the 24-day jail sentence Stallworth served.

I also applaud Stallworth. He could have reacted any number of ways after the suspension was handed down Thursday. He could have been irate. He could have acted as if he were the victim. He could have made noise about appealing, either through the union or the courts.

Instead, he issued this statement:

"Regardless of the length of my suspension, I will carry the burden of (the victim's) death for the rest of my life. I urge NFL fans not to judge NFL players or me based on my tragic lapse in judgment. I am a good person who did a bad thing. I will use the period of my suspension to reflect, fulfill my obligations, and use this experience to make a positive impact on the lives of those who look up to NFL players."

Maybe he took that tone just to save his career, but at least he took it.

If he comes out of this a better person, he will deserve a chance to do what he does best - if not for Cleveland, than for another team.

The Quote

"He gave Lou exactly what he needed - a deep outing." - Cubs broadcaster Bob Brenly as Ryan Dempster neared the end of a seven-inning, six-run, two-HR, eight-hit outing in Thursday's 6-1 loss to the Phillies.

Really?

Hey, I'm a big Bob Brenly fan because he tells it like it is more often than just about any team announcer in the bigs ... but really?

A $52 million pitcher gives up six runs to fall to 6-6 with a 4.23 ERA for a team that is crashing and burning, and he gets a big thumbs-up just because he labored through seven innings in yet another lopsided defeat for Lou Piniella's losers?

I understand that the Cubs scored only once and that the result was hardly Dempster's fault, but does he really deserve praise for pitching seven innings of batting practice?

How in the name of Bob Gibson, Tom Seaver and Sandy Koufax did actual performances on the mound become secondary to eating innings?

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Even if Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie was motivated at least in part by his desire to steal some thunder from the Phillies, his signing of convicted dog torturer Michael Vick showed guts and compassion.

My longtime readers know I'm a big believer in second chances. Vick committed a heinous crime and served a long sentence. He has been apologetic and humble.

The ultimate goal of incarceration is to rehabilitate criminals, to make them valuable contributors to society.

Lurie obviously knows PETA will be out in full force, picketing Eagles games to draw attention to their cause. Well, if the PETA folks would look at the big picture, they would realize that having Vick campaign publicly against inhumane treatment of animals - as he says he will - is far more valuable than having him manage a Waffle House in Podunk.

As for the football side of it, I'm a little surprised Vick landed in Philly, where Donovan McNabb just got a lucrative contract extension and where coach Andy Reid benched McNabb at one point last season in favor of supposed QB of the future Kevin Kolb.

So either Reid is no longer very high on Kolb or the coach is intrigued by the many roles Vick can play in the offense (or maybe a little of both).

Whatever the reason, I'm glad to see our legal system working properly.

Now, here's hoping that a Falcon turned Eagle truly will spread his wings and take flight.

Become a solid citizen, Mr. Vick, and prove you deserve the tremendous second chance you have received.

All Buehrle, all the time

^
The Bald Truth

A week after Illinois politicians celebrated Mark Buehrle Day, the White Sox opened a three-game set against the Angels on Tuesday night with the opening act of what they are calling Mark Buehrle Appreciation Series.

And here's the best news:

It's less than five months until the start of Mark Buehrle Appreciation Decade!

The Quote

"In B.P., I'm Reggie Jackson. In a game, I might be Janet Jackson." - Torii Hunter, injured Angels center fielder, when asked how he did in batting practice before Tuesday's game.

The Balder Truth

Not that I don't like hyperbole as much as the next guy, but I almost choked on my free press-box snack mix Tuesday when Jerry Reinsdorf told Dewayne Wise and White Sox fans everywhere that the center fielder's perfect-game-saving grab "might have been the most important catch in the history of baseball."

Oh, absolutely. I believe it won several World Series, integrated the sport and solved the steroid problem. What a catch!

The Quote II

"Game-winners are always nice. But most importantly, we bounced back from the defeat on Sunday against the Mets." - Scott Podsednik

After being the hero for the White Sox yet again, Pods can be forgiven for being a little confused.

I believe those were the Yankees who beat the Sox on Sunday. You know, New York's other team.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

The first-place Tigers send new star pitcher Jarrod Washburn to the mound at home against the going-nowhere Orioles. Baltimore counters with Brian Matusz, who is making his MLB debut against the feared Detroit lineup.

Orioles 8, Tigers 2. Of course.

We may think we know but we don't ... and that's Reason No. 1 why sports is the only Reality TV worth watching.

Mark Prior: From perfect to unemployable, just like that

^

The Bald Truth

Before he ever threw a big-league pitch, Mark Prior was heralded as a once-in-a-generation talent. He had the size, the demeanor, the poise, the mound presence, the intelligence, the command and the maturity of legend. And oh, did he ever have the stuff.

His mechanics? Perfect. One expert after another said that with his mechanics, he'd never get hurt.

When the Twins passed on him to draft their hometown boy, Joe Mauer, they were ridiculed for being stupid, cheap or both. (I guess now is as good a time as any to say their decision has turned out OK.)

The Cubs gave Prior such a huge signing bonus after they selected him in 2001 - $10.5 million - that it's still a record today.

Think about that. Think about how salaries in sports - baseball especially - have escalated. And yet this guy's bonus of eight years ago remains the gold standard.

The first time Mark Prior pitched for the Cubs, it was obvious he had "it" - that special something separating the superstars from everybody else.

Fans had such high expectations for him that I took to calling him Messiah Mark. Some ripped me for "making fun" of Prior, but the more observant readers realized I was poking fun at the worshippers, not the faux deity. (Besides, I liked how Messiah Mark Prior sounded. Kinda rolls off the tongue, no?)

He went 18-6 in 2003, his first full year in the majors. In the second half of that season, he was 10-1 with a 1.52 ERA. He was simply the best pitcher in the world, A SURE THING.

Prior continued to shine in the postseason and was only five outs away from a shutout victory that would have vaulted the Cubs into their first World Series in six decades. Though he, like his teammates and manager, choked away that game, his potential obviously was limitless.

More than a few surveys of GMs, managers, scouts and sportswriters concluded that, after old-timers Greg Maddux, Randy Johnson and Tom Glavine reached the 300-win plateau, it wouldn't happen again until Prior got to 300 some 15 or so years down the line.

Then came the injuries. One after another after another.

As the injuries piled up, experts began blaming flaws in his pitching mechanics for his plight. Some were the same experts who just a few years earlier had said his mechanics were perfect.

Many fans who once worshipped Messiah Mark suddenly were all over him. Baseball people, including some in the Cubs organization, were calling him a wimp.

He didn't know the difference between soreness and injury, they said. He had a low pain threshold. He was too selfish, too worried about his next contract, to man up.

What a wuss!

I wasn't Prior's friend or fan - that's not my job - but I did feel sorry for him, and I said so in several columns back then.

I didn't feel that way because of his ailments. After all, injuries are part of sports. And certainly not because the money train had stopped pulling into his depot. With the millions he made, he should be set for life.

No, I felt sorry for him because total strangers were questioning his integrity, passion, manhood and will to compete. These idiots somehow felt qualified to look into his brain and his heart. It wasn't until the surgeries began that people finally acknowledged: "Hey, you know what? This guy actually might be hurt."

As it turns out, he threw his final big-league pitch in 2006. The Cubs let him go a year later. The Padres signed him. More surgery followed. Last week, Prior was cut loose.

He is a 28-year-old has-been.

Although it has anything but a happy ending, his is among the most interesting stories of recent times. The cautionary tale to end all cautionary tales.

Whenever some young gun is compared to the all-time greats, I always think of Mark Prior.

And whenever a team drafts the next Can't Miss Kid, I say: "Hey, if Messiah Mark can miss, anybody can."

The Balder Truth

Pirates rookie Andrew McCutchen was so incredible Saturday - 4 hits, 4 runs, 3 HRs, 6 RBI - that he was honored as Future Red Sox Or Future Cub Of The Day.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

I promise. I'll never capitalize the "w" in Dewayne again.

The White Sox media guide lists the now-famous Perfect Game Preserver as DeWayne Wise. So do the lineup sheets and press notes that the team publishes on game days. But Wise says he wants the "w" lower-cased.

His wish is my command: Dewayne Wise, it is.

By the way, I really would have been impressed had Wise preserved a perfect game for Mark Buehrle on Sunday against the Yankees. Considering that Buehrle allowed seven runs on 12 hits in 4 1/3 innings, the Sox would have needed about 14 Dewaynes on the field (and maybe a couple on the other side of the outfield wall).

You know, there's only one word to describe this latest Buehrle performance: aWful.

Willie Mays is very much alive, thank you

^

So I was sitting in the third row of the White Sox press box the other day when I overheard a couple of fellow scribes talking.

"Hey, did you see who died?" asked one.

My ears perked up. It had been a newsworthy week for celebrity deaths - Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson - and I was naturally curious to hear who was next.

"Yeah, Willie Mays," said the other. 

The two then changed to a different subject, which I thought was odd. I mean, come on! 

Willie Mays, the greatest ballplayer of a generation - the greatest ever, many believe - is dead, and these two supposed baseball guys just blow it off with a simple mention?!?

So I went on a couple of sports Web sites and I didn't see word one on the passing of The Say Hey Kid, which I thought was even odder. He might not have been as big as the King of Pop, but surely he had more star power even now than Farrah or Johnny's sidekick.

Then I got busy writing and kind of forgot to check on it again until I got home from the ballpark.

Over dinner, my son Ben asked: "Did you hear who died?"

To which I answered with great certainty: "Yeah, Willie Mays. What a bummer."

My son laughed and so did my wife, which I thought was the oddest thing of all.

"What?" said I, clearly upset. "Maybe the best ballplayer ever is dead and that's your reaction?"

"Billy," Ben said.

"Huh?" I asked.

"Billy Mays is the one who died, you dodo," my wife said, leaving me with only one response:

"Who?"

"You know," Ben said, "the guy from the infomercials."

I didn't know. I'm not trying to trivialize a man's death. I simply had never heard of him. 

After dinner, I went online and looked up Billy Mays. His picture was vaguely familiar but, until right then, I wouldn't have known who he was if he had been sitting next to me in the press box.

A couple of the obits I read referred to him as an "infomercial legend."

Really? There's such a thing as a legend of infomercials?

If Billy Mays is a legend, what does that make Willie Mays?

Anyway, I'm sorry, Willie. I didn't mean to bump you off before your time! 

I just hope I'm listening more carefully if I overhear folks talking about the death of legendary cream cheese inventor Philly Mays.

Milt has a thank-you note to write

^
The Bald Truth

Luis Castillo is the best thing to happen to Milton Bradley all season long.

As I wrote for the AP on Friday, Bradley played right field like a doofus. He was all set to be the talk of baseball until ...

... Castillo dropped what should have been A-Roid's game-ending pop-up, allowing the tying and go-ahead runs to score in the Yankees' win over the Mets.

As we all know, if it happened in New York, it's bigger than any event in any city, in any state, in any country, in any continent, in any solar system.

So Castillo was Friday's Official Baseball Goat.

Bradley had to settle for Knucklehead of the Day.

The Quote

"I give 250 percent every day. If you can't see that, there's something wrong." - Milton Bradley

This from a guy who can't count to 3.

The Balder Truth

No joke, just a simple statement: Joe Mauer is the best player in baseball right now.

Lou-ism of the Day

"We just shook it up a little bit to see if it helps out. We're gonna try a few different things and see what happens. We stayed pretty constant for 60 games or so. I think it's time to change things around a little bit. Look, there's no magic formula."

Yep, big changes for the Cubbies. Mike Fontenot batted second for the first time this season. Kosuke Fukudome batted sixth for the first time. Ryan Theriot was moved from second to seventh. Bradley, banished from the No. 3 spot a month ago, was back there.

So how did it work? The Cubs managed all of four hits in six innings against appropriately named Twins starter Kevin Slowey - who kept challenging them (and beating them) with 88 mph fastballs. 

Fontenot, Fukudome and Theriot combined to go 0-for-10 with six whiffs. Fukudome, back to the spin-a-rama strikeout style that made him so special last season, looked especially lost.

Bradley, yeah, he did have a couple of hits but, as mentioned earlier, he didn't exactly cover himself with glory on this day.

If anybody has the magic formula, methinks Lou would pay a pretty penny for it.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Congrats to the Pittsburgh Penguins for winning a thrilling Game 7 of an exciting Stanley Cup Finals against the Detroit Red Wings.

The last time I enjoyed the sport this much was when I was a sharp-elbowed floor-hockey terror in Mr. Pirelli's gym class at Jonathan Law High School.

Prince Albert, the anti-Manny and other baseball musings

^
One-third of the way through the baseball season, here are 13 musings from a guy who has no hair to get in the way of rational thought:

1. The NL Central, full of flawed teams, is up for grabs.

The high-priced Cubs would seem to be the best of the bunch but how good can they be if they lose one player (Aramis Ramirez) and fall apart? The Brewers have iffy pitching and lousy fielding. Even with a healthy Chris Carpenter, the Cardinals are short on arms. The Reds are too young. The Astros spent far too much dough on old hitters. The Pirates being the Pirates, they already have moved into fire-sale mode.

2. Ditto the AL Central, except even moreso. 

The Tigers have serious bullpen issues. The Twins don't have one starting pitcher any opponent fears. The White Sox are poorly constructed, with too many big-bucks oldtimers, too many not-ready-for-prime-time kids and too few ballplayers who are just right. The Indians are loaded down with injured players, one-dimensional guys and one-hit wonders. The Royals have Zack Greinke and, um, did I already mention Zack Greinke?

3. At least the NL Central has a chance to produce the wild-card team. 

If you don't win the AL Central, you finish 10 games out of the playoffs. If not 20.

4. Chris Carpenter is a marvel. 

He's like one of those old-time bobo dolls: Punch him in the nose and he keeps popping back up. Except he has much better stuff and much less to say.

5. If I tried to sell a screenplay about Bobby Scales, it would have been thrown back in my face as farfetched and corny.

"A 31-year-old substitute teacher who spent 11 years in the minors suddenly contributing to the mighty Cubs? Tell me another one. And what's that? They sent him back down to the minors but had to call him right back up after Ryan Freel got hurt - and he immediately helped them again? Have another drink, doofus."

6. Zack Greinke and Roy Halladay are baseball's best pitchers.

But if I had to win one game, I'm not sure I'd choose either over Johan Santana.

Or Bartolo Colon. 

(Just wanted to make sure you were still paying attention.)

7. Whatever injury Joe Mauer had, we all should be so lucky to get. 

Here's hoping he didn't buy his medicine at Manny & A-Rod's Pharmaceutical Emporium.

Unfair? Of course. But that's the problem with juicers, folks. Every single ballplayer is guilty by association.

8. After trying to decide between Raul Ibanez and Milton Bradley, the Cubs went with the fragile, disruptive dude with, like, half an RBI.

Right now, it seems Ibanez is the only NL player with a chance to challenge Albert Pujols for MVP honors.

Wait. Who am I kidding?

Unless the Cardinals go completely into the tank, Prince Albert's got it in the can.

9. It's the Damn Yankees and the Freakin' Red Sox. AGAIN.

Thanks for playing, Blue Jays and Rays. Enjoy the lovely parting gifts.

10. While Manny Ramirez is busy getting pregnant or whatever he's doing with his drugs of choice, the Dodgers just keep winning thanks to ... Juan Pierre?

If somebody had asked me to pick a less likely hero before the season started, I'm not sure I could have. And as my girlfriend Jessica Biel would attest, I have a very active imagination.

11. Don't pitch to Adrian Gonzalez. Ever. Period.

I mean, look at the rest of that Padres lineup!

Any manager who lets any pitcher throw a hittable strike to Gonzalez should be fired before the baseball settles into the upper deck. 

12. A pitcher who beans a batter just because he can't get said batter out is a chickenspit loser.

That's right, Vicente Padilla, I'm talkin' 'bout you!

The weak-willed Padilla is one of the many reasons I am still not buying the Rangers' pitching renaissance and am still predicting the Angels in the AL West.

13. Right now, it's a three-way race for AL MVP between Jason Bay, Mark Teixeira and Ian Kinsler.

It's still plenty early for Evan Longoria, Justin Morneau and Miguel Cabrera to do something about that, though.

Should be a fun four months, huh?

Red Sox and Phillies: Beasts of Easts

^

What a great time of year to be a sports fan. 

College basketball decides its champion on the court. (Are you listening, NCAA football?) The NBA and NHL postseasons are about to start. (Reportedly, those leagues will crown champions sometime before September.) NFL teams are preparing for the draft. (Meanwhile, NFL players make court appearances and trade demands.)

Best of all, Opening Day approaches. (And I get to make a bunch of predictions that smart fans will summarily ignore before calling their bookies.)

Play ball!

AL EAST

1. Boston Red Sox: Now that they got rid of that cancer-causing loser, Manny Ramirez, the sky's the limit for this crew. And no matter what, the Sox know they can rely upon never-injured stalwarts such as J.D. Drew, David Ortiz and Josh Beckett. Seriously, given all that went wrong for the Red Sox last season, it's easy to forget that they won 95 games and got to the ALCS. As usual, they've assembled a powerful roster and a nice rotation, and Jonathan Papelbon has moved to the fore as the one guy I'd want on the mound in the ninth inning of a Game 7. 

2. New York Yankees: It's wonderful that the team is bringing back Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig and Joe DiMaggio to throw out the ceremonial first pitches at the new Yankee Stadium. And you thought Ted Williams' head was the only thing that had been cryogenically frozen all this time? For the Yankees to avoid the slow starts that have plagued them in recent years, they'll need dominant pitching in April, when pitching is supposed to dominate. With CC Sabathia and A.J. Burnett (or is it C.C. and AJ?), they seem to be armed well enough to overcome the early absence of A-Roid Rodriguez. But just in case they do struggle early, maybe we should start the "What day will Joe Girardi get fired?" pool right now.

3. Tampa Bay Rays: Back in 1998, the Cubs sent Kerry Wood to the minors to start the season, leading then-Angels manager Terry Collins to say that if the Cubbies had five pitchers better than Wood, they were a cinch to win it all. And now here we are, 11 years later, and the Rays have sent 2008 postseason phenom David Price to the minors. P.S.: The Cubs didn't win it all in '98, and the Rays won't do so in '09 after coming oh so close last year. It's hard to imagine them being able to duplicate their 97-win success, isn't it? Well, Evan Longoria & Co. will get the chance to prove all of us wrong again. 

4. Toronto Blue Jays: Where's Joe Carter when you need him? Remember when the Yankees and Red Sox were just good enough to lose and Toronto ruled this division? Honest, kids! Ask your dads. The Blue Jays obviously remember ... how else to explain Cito Gaston's return as manager? What next? Ed Sprague at third base? The only way this team escapes fourth place is if Roy Halladay wins 35 games. If anyone can do it, he can.

5. Baltimore Orioles: With Felix Pie, Cesar Izturis, Rich Hill and Andy MacPhail, what could possibly go wrong?

NL EAST

1. Philadelphia Phillies: It was a rough season for Phillies fans because they didn't have nearly enough opportunities to boo their heroes in 2008 - especially in October. That trend figures to continue in '09. The Braves have better pitching depth, the Marlins might have a better lineup and the Mets have the division's top leadoff man and starting pitcher. Having said all that, it's the Phils who do everything well - as evidenced by the championship rings on their fingers. If Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, Cole Hamels and their other studs stay healthy, Philly will contend for No. 1 in baseball again.

2. Florida Marlins: With their young, powerful lineup, no wonder tens of Marlins fans turn out at Dolphins Stadium every night! I doubt there are five better players in all of baseball right now than Hanley Ramirez, and he has plenty of support. If Ricky Nolasco, Josh Johnson, Chris Volstad and the team's other young pitchers continue to grow up, the Marlins could have the kind of special season their Tampa Bay neighbors had in '08. Florida won 84 games a year ago, so it's not an outrageous leap.

3. New York Mets: Their petition to have the season shortened to 150 games was denied, so I don't like the Mets' chances to avoid another heartbreaking choke-a-thon. With Jose Reyes at the top of the order and Johan Santana at the top of the rotation, with Carlos Beltran, David Wright and Carlos Delgado providing power and with newcomers Francisco Rodriguez and J.J. Putz anchoring an overhauled bullpen, the Mets would seem to have enough to win this division. Then again, they seemed to have enough in 2007 and 2008, too. Oh well, at least they have a new ballpark named after a failed bank going for them.

4. Atlanta Braves: They are delighted with new hurler Javier Vazquez, but those of us who caught his act on the South Side would caution Bobby Cox to avoid using Javy in any game that matters. Not that the Braves figure to have many of those down the stretch. Atlanta added Vazquez and Derek Lowe to an already decent staff, but age and offensive deficiencies make a .500 record a stretch.

5. Washington Nationals. See Adam Dunn hit a home run! See Adam Dunn strike out three times! Thanks for coming and drive home safely.

(Tomorrow: AL West and NL West.)