THE JOY OF SIX: The Masters, the presidential race and the return of the Sons of Pitches

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6. How 'bout that Jordan Spieth, huh? Every time Phil Mickelson or Justin Rose or anybody else drew within a few strokes of him at the Masters, the 21-year-old Texan would birdie the next couple of holes and re-open a commanding lead. He ended up breaking a bunch of records and tying Tiger Woods' mark for best Masters score ever. Pretty impressive.

I know that I'm looking forward to many years of him dueling with Rory McIlroy, the reigning king who is only 25 himself. Then again, I remember Tiger and Sergio Garcia going toe-to-toe as youngsters in the 1999 PGA Championship at Medinah and thinking, "Wow, it's gonna be fun watching these guys go at each other for the next decade or two."

How has that worked out?

^^^

5. At one point, CBS showed a list of the last 10 Masters champions -- reminding me that the one and only Masters I ever covered (or ever will cover) was won by the "least good" (to borrow a phrase from former Bears coach Dick Jauron) champion in decades. Maybe ever.

Despite shooting a 75 in the final round, Trevor Immelman beat a field that never really showed up. Woods tried to rally but got no closer than 3 strokes. Immelman hasn't won since and, since 2012, he has missed the cut more than he has made it. In 10 starts so far this year, he has made the cut twice.

Trevor Freakin' Immelman won "my" Masters. But hey, at least the weather was perfect and I got to see a golf course that actually exceeded my very lofty expectations.

^^^

4. It seems almost impossible that the race for the GOP presidential nomination could top 2012 for sheer craziness, but the candidates are off to a running start.

Ted Cruz is an absolute loony, which is fitting because he was born in Canada (unlike our current Kenya-born president). Rand Paul is supposed to be a Libertarian but he already is sucking up to the far right. Chris Christie just came out with Social Security reform that looks suspiciously like a liberal re-distribution plan. Marco Rubio is backtracking from his compassionate immigration policy because to the party base, there is no room for compassion in an immigration policy.

I already miss Herman "9-9-9" Cain, Rick "Oops" Perry, Mitt "47 Percent" Romney and Newt "I Guarantee $2.50 Gas" Gingrich.

And isn't there anything anybody can do to get Michele Bachmann to run again? She just predicted that Barack Obama's Iran policy would result in the End Times and usher in Jesus' return to earth, saying: "I believe the Bible is true. And believe what the Bible says is  that our nation and the people of our nation will reap a whirlwind, and we could see economic disasters, natural disasters."

I don't remember any mention of the U.S. of A. in either testament, but I admit I'm no biblical scholar.

^^^

3. Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton finally stopped delaying the inevitable and announced online that she would be running for the Democratic nomination.

She's a piece of work, too. She actually might be a bigger liar storyteller than her hubby.

It's gonna be a fun 17 months until November 2016.

^^^

2. The Cubs paid $155 million to a left-hander who gets the yips every time he thinks about throwing to first to hold the runner. In Jon Lester's last start, he threw one so far over the first baseman's head it almost landed in the stands. It's the damnedest thing. So Cubbie.

Fortunately for the Cubs, the right fielder chased down the baseball and gunned the runner out at third base.

Obviously, it was a set play orchestrated by Joe Maddon, the latest Savior Skipper who for sure will take the Cubbies to the pennant.

^^^

1. My over-50 softball league's season has begun and I'm thrilled to be back with the Sons of Pitches. Our manager/pitcher, Pat, traded for me because he knows I'm the ultimate softball stud. Either that or he just wanted to be sure he had somebody to drink with after games. (OK, I guarantee it's not the "stud" thing.)

Pat and I entered the league as teammates in 2012 and played one season with the Blue Thunder. He decided to become a manager the following year and traded for me. The Sons of Pitches capped a very nice two-year run by winning the '14 fall championship, but then in accordance with league rules, we (and all other teams) were broken up for the league-wide re-draft.

For the SoP's latest incarnation, Pat did a nice job of getting 5 of us back together, as Pat and I are joined by Bob, Spike (the other Mike) and Wayne. Our 8 teammates seem like great guys and fine players. Definitely a fun group. I'd list 'em all here by name but I'm still getting to know them.

Our season started Tuesday and we promptly gave up the maximum 5 runs in the top of the first inning. It was a delightful combination of booted grounders, errant throws, walks and other assorted miscues. We only managed one run ourselves and gave up a couple more runs over the next 3 innings to fall behind 7-1 going into the bottom of the 4th.

Pat, who fancies himself as quite the motivator, yelled, "Do you guys wanna win or what?" Duly inspired, we scratched out 3 runs to make it a 7-4 game. We held our opponent scoreless in the fifth and I led off the bottom of the inning.

While coaching third base earlier in the game, I had a brief conversation with the opposing third baseman. He had a great glove and a gun for an arm, but he told me he was having knee problems and wouldn't be able to move very well. I joked that I was going to lay down a bunt.

Now, bunting isn't allowed in slow-pitch softball ... but swinging bunts are another story. I took a mighty cut and the ball traveled all of about 15 feet down the third-base line. Using my cheetah-like speed -- I mean, there's nothing faster than a bald, slightly chunky, 50-something Jewboy -- I beat out the infield hit.

"Real" hits -- the kind that actually leave the infield -- followed, one after the other, and by the time the 5th inning was over, we had an 8-7 lead. The umpire's timer went off during the inning, meaning the 6th would be the last. Pat retired the first two batters before giving up a hit, but he stranded the tying run by inducing a come-backer. After he threw to first, it was time to head to the bar.

There's nothing wrong with winning ugly, because there's no such thing as losing pretty.

The Sons of Pitches are back, baby!
^

Baldy's back, and just in time for my favorite month

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10. My Internet buddy (and faithful reader back when my columns appeared in the Springfield, Ill., newspaper), Doug Nicodemus, has been asking me repeatedly why I haven't been blogging much lately. On Monday, after checking TBT regularly the last 5 weeks but finding no new entries, he posted this on my Facebook page:

"no blog for awhile ... are we all done ... maybe ..."

No, I'm not all done. But as I have explained to Doug -- and as I explained earlier Monday to my softball buddy Johnny, whom I saw at a local golf course -- the little bit of writing I'm doing these days has involved me getting paid. Crazy concept, I know.

Not that money is the end-all and be-all, but it buys more things than bupkis. Which is what I get paid for posting here on The Baldest Truth.

So to my tens and tens of regular readers, I thank you for your loyalty but I make no promises other than to say that I'll continue to blog when something strikes me as relevant or when I have some spare time to write pro bono.

9. As much as I'd like to see the Pirates or Rays or A's win for the small markets or the Indians or Reds win for underdogs everywhere, I can't bring myself to predict multiple champagne showers for those teams this October.

I'm thinking the Tigers, with their fine starting pitching and powerful middle of the order, will meet the talented, high-priced Red Sox, for the AL pennant. And the Dodgers, with their incredible pitching, will take on the Cardinals, who always seem to rise to the occasion, for the NL crown. 

If the Tigers had a stud reliever, I'd pick them to beat the Red Sox. But they don't. So I won't. 

I'd like to see the Cardinals do it with Mike Matheny managing, because I always appreciated him as a player, but the Dodgers remind me of recent Giants teams that won championships despite mediocre hitting.

So I'm saying Red Sox vs. Dodgers in the World Series.

The champion? I'm leaning Dodgers, but I'll hold off with an "official" prediction until we get to the Series.

There. I've committed to another blog post later in October. That should make Doug and Johnny delirious with joy!

8. Folks keep trying to find all kinds of reasons that somebody other than Miguel Cabrera should win the AL MVP. Please. This is one of those it's-so-obvious-there-must-be-another-choice situations, like when NBA MVP voters used to try to find somebody not named Michael Jordan to win the award.

Mike Trout had a fine season for a sub-.500 Angels team that finished 18 games out -- a team that started poorly in part because Trout started poorly. And yet Cabrera still had better stats almost across the board, almost won a second straight Triple Crown, and did it all for a team he led to another division title.

This is the no-brainer of all no-brainers. Sabermetricians and other misguided souls need to stop trying to make this "race" something it isn't. 

Cabrera should be the unanimous MVP choice.

7. Meanwhile, if I had an NL MVP vote, I'd be going with Braves closer Craig Kimbrel, the single biggest reason Atlanta led its division from wire-to-wire.

When a team blows a late-inning lead, it's bad. When that happens repeatedly, it's catastrophic -- not only in the standings but in the psyche of every player on that team.

What a great joy and comfort it must have been all season for manager Fredi Gonzalez and all the Atlanta players to know their team pretty much was never going to blow a ninth-inning lead.

6. My "hometown" NFL team, the Panthers, better not have spent their bye week patting themselves on their backs for their blowout victory over the Giants. 

Everybody blows out the Giants!

The only team worse than the Giants right now is Jacksonville. And yes, I said "right now" for a reason. The Giants might still be able to find a new low.

5. I have started umpiring youth baseball, something I hadn't done for at least two decades. My first game was supposed to be this coming Wednesday but the umpiring coordinator was in a pinch and asked me call the bases for three games last Sunday involving 9-year-olds.

The first game began at noon. It went so long -- walks, physical errors, more walks, mental mistakes, still more walks; these are 9-year-olds, after all -- that the second game started 45 minutes late. That game also went long, so the third game started more than an hour late, and didn't end until 6:58 p.m.

So I spent 7 hours standing on a hot, dusty field. I tried to stay hydrated but almost surely didn't drink enough. I ate only an apple. By the time I drove home, I had one of the worst headaches of my life.

Next time I have to work more than one game, I will make sure I sit down between innings, will find some shade between games and will force myself to consume several gallons of water. Oh, and I'll take some Advil before the first pitch of the first game!

4. Because I umped all day Sunday, I watched zero football. Just saw a few highlights on ESPN; I couldn't watch it with the volume on because my head was pounding. 

I couldn't help but notice that Jay Cutler was back to his old give-the-ball-away tricks, playing a huge role in the Bears falling to the Lions.

That team will go only as far as its QB takes it, and I wouldn't want to bet my life savings -- or even one-billionth of my billion-dollar portfolio -- on that guy.

3. October is my favorite month.

The World Series (and the playoffs that precede the Series). The NFL in full swing. College football conference games (rather than the creampuff schedules that permeate September). The start of the NHL and NBA seasons. The start of college basketball practice. Wonderful weather here in Charlotte. 

October also is my birthday month. And given that my immaturity prevents me from getting old, what's not to love about that?!?!?!

2. In Monday's least-surprising sports story, the Cubbies fired manager Dale Sveum.

No matter who is running the show, including current Pooh-bah Theo Epstein, firing managers is what the Cubbies do best. 

They're not so hot at pitching or hitting or fielding or running the bases. Firing managers? They are championship-caliber in that domain!

The hot speculation is that Joe Girardi will be the next sucker. Girardi is a Peoria native, a Northwestern grad and a former Cubs catcher, and his contract with the Yankees expires in one month.

Even if he decided to leave New York, why he would want to manage in Cubbieland? Wouldn't several other organizations that have a chance to win before 2020 be more interesting to him? If he doesn't like the scrutiny in New York, why would he like it in Chicago, where Lou Piniella and Dusty Baker each went from genius to dolt (in the fans' eyes) in the space of less than one season? 

Then again, there does seem to be this amazing allure to the Cubs. Everybody wants to be The Guy to fix them. Piniella and Baker are recent examples of proven winners who went to Cubbieland, made an early splash and soon learned the hard way what all the trappings of Cubdom really mean.

If I'm Girardi, I stay with the Yankees. Or I go to just about any other team where winning actually happens. Or I chillax for a couple of years being a TV yakker.

I do just about anything but sign on to be part of Championship-Free Years No. 106, 107, 108 and 109. 

1. I'd come up with a memorable, spectacular, sensational conclusion to this blog post except I'm so excited about the Republicans in the House voting for the gazillionth time to either repeal or defund Obamacare that it's hard to think!

Never mind that repealing Obamacare was the No. 1 Republican goal of the 2012 election ... which they lost ... handily. Also never mind that the GOP also questioned the constitutionality of Obamacare in front of the Supreme Court ... and lost that, too.

This time, they're willing to shut down the entire government and possibly willing to refuse to pay the bills the country already has due. All for a fight they can't win, all to please the tea-partying extremists, all to avoid being "primaried."

What a country.

^

Today's High 5: From pigskin to politics

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5. On the 40th anniversary season of the undefeated Dolphins, it's cork-popping time again for Larry Csonka, Bob Griese, Don Shula, Nick Buoniconti & Co.: The last unbeaten team, Atlanta, fell to the Saints.

I was pretty sure the Falcons weren't about to go 19-0 when they needed about 10 lucky plays to beat "my" Carolina Panthers a few weeks back.

4. Time again for the annual debate about which college football teams get to play for the mythical national championship.

Wake me when the BCS is over.

3. Haven't posted lately because I've been doing other stuff, some of which I actually get paid for.

2. The college-basketball-on-an-aircraft-carrier experiment already has run its course.

There were supposed to be three such games over the weekend. Marquette vs. Ohio State had to be canceled because the court was too slippery. Georgetown and Florida managed to play a half before condensation on the court prematurely ended the game. And the Syracuse-San Diego State game that was postponed by rain Friday finally was played Sunday despite a broken shot clock, messed-up scoreboards, a defective court and windy conditions that barely made the game resemble basketball.

In all three cases, athletes, coaches and fans traveled a long way only to be disappointed.

I get it. We want to honor veterans and we want to create cool, interesting experiences.

There are ways to do that without putting athletes at danger and making a mockery of the game.

If the NCAA really wants to help those who have served our country, hold these games in large indoor facilities and donate all proceeds to veterans' causes.

1. I just can't get enough of Fox News these days.

It was my main source of Election Night coverage, and I have thoroughly enjoyed watching the Fair & Balanced Network since then. It's funnier than Saturday Night Live ... and its stars are better actors.

As if listening to Dick Morris explaining why he was slightly off on his prediction of a Mitt Romney landslide wasn't enough entertainment, there's been: Karl Rove blaming the Obama campaign for suppressing the vote; Rick Santorum saying the GOP's failing was not being extreme enough on social issues; Sean Hannity suddenly deciding Latino-friendly immigration reform would be a good thing; and various bloviators saying Barack Obama retained the presidency due to SuperStorm Sandy, the liberal media's Benghazi coverup, the one Black Panther who stood outside one polling place, broken voting machines, etc., etc., etc.

You know, maybe if the Republicans had put up a candidate who could carry the state where he was governor, the state where his dad was a popular governor, the state where he has his newest mansion and the state his running mate calls home, the election wouldn't have come down to conspiracies.

It's been quite an election season. I miss the fun GOP primaries. I miss crazy Michele "Vaccines Make Retards" Bachmann, Herman "9-9-9" Cain, Rick "Oops" Perry, Rick "What A Snob!" Santorum, Newt "Moon Colony" Gingrich and the rest of the gang.

Mitt Romney? I already don't miss him. 

The Best Liar Money Could Buy was a terrible candidate and he would have been a terrible president.

To this day, I can see why sane people would have voted against the very flawed Obama ... but I cannot for the life of me see why anybody not named Romney would have been excited to vote for Mitt, a man who believes in nothing and everything all at the same time.
^

Today's High 5: Frisco is Ex-Cubbie heaven!

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5. Mike Fontenot and Mark DeRosa won World Series rings with the 2010 San Francisco Giants. Two years later, Ryan Theriot opened the 10th inning with a single and scored the championship-winning run.

If I'm Starlin Castro, Darwin Barney or any other Cubbie infielder, I want to be traded to the Giants pronto!

4. Jets players and coaches were ticked off that the home crowd was chanting for Tim Tebow to replace godawful Mark Sanchez during Sunday's lopsided loss to the Dolphins.

This is the price any team -- especially a New York team -- pays for acquiring the most popular backup quarterback in recent football history.

Never mind that Tebow has trouble completing routine passes. The circus is just beginning.

3. Three cheers for my Carolina Panthers, the best darn 1-6 team in football!

2. CEOs from more than 80 major U.S. corporations endorse raising taxes and reducing spending as part of a balanced deficit-reduction plan. In other words, they support the Simpson-Bowles commission's recommendation. (And psssst ... they ain't liberals!)

That support sets them apart from Barack Obama, who appointed the commission and then promptly rejected its findings. And it also sets them apart from Mitt Romney, who instead favors cutting taxes by trillions of dollars without detailing how our debt-crushed nation will pay for those cuts.

Is it too late to get a candidate do-over?

1. Just saw this headline: "Hurricane Sandy wreaks havoc on presidential race."

As somebody with two brothers living in Philly and lots of friends and relatives residing in the D.C.-to-Boston corridor, the absolute least of my concerns is how the storm will affect the campaign schedules of Obama and Romney.
^

Romney takes bayonet to his head, but will it matter? Also: The World Series

^
I kept waiting for Mitt Romney to lower the boom about the Obama Administration's seemingly clueless handling of the Benghazi terrorist attacks.

I kept waiting for Barack Obama to blast his opponent for using more than a dozen of Dubya's foreign policy advisers.

I kept waiting for the president to remind voters that Romney was caught on tape telling his rich constituents that it's not even worth trying for peace in the Middle East.

I'm still waiting.

The third and final debate has come and gone -- mercifully, many will say -- and there were few things voters could sink their teeth into.

In general, Romney was passive. Not as passive as Obama in Debate I, but mostly unwilling to engage for whatever reason. He pretty much let Obama get away with portraying him as lacking knowledge and experience in foreign-policy matters. When Obama tore into him for investing in companies that do business with China even as Romney was talking tough against China, Romney didn't deny the charge. Instead, he tried to portray the president as a bully who was "attacking" him. Romney also kept talking about all the ways he agreed with Obama on foreign policy.

Quite often, the subject turned back to the U.S. economy. Surprisingly, it was Obama who mentioned that first -- a strategic mistake that let Romney recite all the familiar unemployment, welfare and poverty numbers that do Obama no favors.

My lovely and observant wife, Roberta, called my attention to the sweat over Romney's upper lip later in the debate. She was right ... and it got worse as Obama nailed Romney on his willingness to abandon the U.S. automotive industry.

As for truly memorable moments, there was exactly one ... and it belonged to Obama: He said the out-of-touch Romney's insistence on increasing the deficit by buying ships the Navy no longer needs in the 21st century was akin to spending taxpayer money on "horses and bayonets." 

By my score, it was a solid win for the president. Still, most Americans care little about foreign affairs that don't involve British royalty.

Moreover, Obama's two debate victories -- even when coupled with Joe Biden's trashing of Paul Ryan in the VP debate -- probably didn't undo the damage done to the president in his pathetic performance in Debate I.

Obama probably could have clinched the election by performing as well in I as he did in II and III. Instead, it's a neck-and-neck race that will be decided by a few factory workers in Ohio, a handful of geezers in Florida and a carpool of soccer moms in Virginia.

Democracy at its finest.

---

Meanwhile, in sports ...

How 'bout the Giants dismantling the Cardinals in Games 5, 6 and 7 to set up what figures to be a Pitching Extravaganza of a World Series against the Tigers?

The Giants have homefield advantage because Melky Cabrera led the NL to victory in the All-Star Game. Weeks later, Cabrera was suspended for being a juicer.

So Bud Selig's folly -- making the All-Star exhibition "matter" -- looks even more ridiculous than ever.

Prediction: Tigers in 5, with Justin Verlander winning Games 1 and 5.

In other words, given my recent track record, bet the house on the Giants.
^

Panthers bite ... but it's sunny and 72!

^
This was supposed to be a big year for the NFL team in my adopted hometown, Charlotte. The Panthers improved from dregs of the league in 2010 to 6-10 last season, and looked especially good down the stretch. With young QB stud Cam Newton, a supposed genius of an offensive coordinator named Rob Chudzinski, a star receiver in Steve Smith and plenty of good (or at least decent) role players, 10 wins and a playoff berth seemed likely.

A Charlotte newspaper columnist who picked the Panthers to go 8-8 was ripped for being too negative. One of the team's best players, center Ryan Kalil, took out a full-page newspaper advertisement to all but guarantee the team would win the Super Bowl.

As Rick Perry would say ...

Oops.

Or as Emily Litella (Google her, kids) would say:

Never mind.

The Panthers are a mess. They are 1-5. They have found painful, last-minute ways to lose their last three games. Their young QB stud and genius offensive coordinator have been considerably less studly and geniusly this season. In each of the aforementioned three losses, they failed to pick up 1 yard at a key juncture, pretty amazing in that they have the best running QB in the league, two tailbacks with eight-figure contracts and a guy who was the most sought-after fullback on the free-agent market.

And as if all that isn't bad enough, Kalil is injured and done for the season.

On a positive note, today was another in a long string of absolutely beautiful autumn days in North Carolina, and this week is supposed to be filled with sunny, 70-something weather.

Take that, Chicago!
^

Sandbagging Obama finally scores some birdies

^
In golf, the term is "sandbagging."

That's what Barack Obama must have been doing in the first debate. I mean, there's no way he could have been that bad unless he was trying to be that bad, right?

So yeah, that's the ticket. He sandbagged. He carded double-bogeys, couldn't get out of bunkers, chunked chips and got a terrible case of the shanks. He got Mitt Romney overconfident, gave the Republicans hope and lowered expectations on himself.

Then, just when people were starting to bet on the other guy, though, President Obama showed up for Mitt vs. Barack II and started raining birdies.

Nice strategy, chief!

This time, Obama wouldn't let Romney get away with blatant lies. Obama got the last, best word on oil production, on the auto bailout, on tax policy and on Libya. Not that politicians even seem to care anymore, but the fact-checkers generally confirmed that Romney had less truthiness (how's that for a word?) than Obama.

And the president brilliantly used his closing statement to condemn Romney for his infamous 47 percent of the country is not worthy comments, thereby preventing Romney from defending himself. The challenger didn't have the chance to blame everybody else for the true feelings he had shared with his audience of gazillionaires.

One final birdie in the heart of the cup for the sandbagger.

Had this Jack Nicklaus Obama showed up for the first debate -- instead of Judge Smails Obama -- the election already would be over. But he didn't and it isn't.

The temptation now is to say that the debate score is 1-1. Or maybe that the Obama ticket is even slightly ahead when factoring in Joe Biden's takedown of Paul Ryan in the VP debate. That, however, is not the case.

Obama's victory last night was not nearly as lopsided as Romney's was last time. Plus, by mopping the floor with the president in the first debate, Romney was able to get out from under having called nearly half the country victims, leeches and losers.

Romney completely stole the momentum during No. 1. Obama merely stemmed the tide in No. 2, showing America he was willing to fight.

I'm already looking forward to No. 3. It's been pretty darn good television theater.

---

In much more important news, Blue Thunder, our geezer-league softball team, reached a new high last night. We won 30-5 in a game that was even more decisive than the score might suggest.

In an effort to prevent runaways, the league has a rule that caps scoring in any one inning at 5 runs.  Well, we had six offensive innings last night. And in each of those innings, we scored 5 runs. Our opponent wasn't very good and gave us extra chances, but the fact is that we were smacking line drive after line drive after line drive.

Our leadoff guy, Wheels, went 5-for-5 with four singles and a double -- every time delivering a clean hit, as if he were some kind of line-drive machine. Several players had four hits. I went 3-for-3 with a walk, including my first triple of the season.

All of this happened after one of our core players, our pitcher Pat, got bloodied in the first inning when hit in the face by a hard shot. Pat had to go to the hospital to get a few stitches, but the good news is that he is fine and should be back next week -- when we'll be trying to wrap up a perfect 9-0 regular season!

---

If you are going to ever read one of my personal finance articles at the Seeking Alpha web site, make it  my most recent entry about Roth IRAs. Everybody who can have a Roth should have one, and I give the hows and whys in this article.

Plus, I get paid per page-view. So hey, everybody who clicks can help me fund my own Roth!
^

Romney: I ain't worried about "those people"

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Oh no he didn't.

In an amazing video obtained by Mother Jones magazine and released today, Mitt Romney told a group of wealthy GOP supporters this last spring:

There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what. All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it. That that's an entitlement. And the government should give it to them. And they will vote for this president no matter what. ... These are people who pay no income tax. My job is is not to worry about those people. I'll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives.

Wow. Just wow.

One of the two men vying to lead our nation actually accused nearly half of the nation's residents of  being slackers and mooches who aren't worthy of his attention or support.

Hmmm. Who knew that the CEOs of Berkshire Hathaway, Costco and Carmax were such irresponsible losers?

I could go on and on ... about the irony of a guy who shields hundreds of millions of dollars from income tax calling out others for being too poor to pay income tax ... about the utter lack of compassion for those less fortunate ... about his use of the kind of class warfare he blames on the other side.

I could talk about the facts: The 40-some percent of voters he so callously rips for paying no taxes includes millions of seniors on Social Security, students, lower-middle class families who receive earned-income and child credits, veterans who return from battle and need job programs, young people just trying to start their professional lives, folks who recently lost their jobs through no fault of their own, etc. (I know facts are annoying to politicians, but Romney might want to check this out: http://taxvox.taxpolicycenter.org/2011/07/27/why-do-people-pay-no-federal-income-tax-2/)

But do I really have to talk about any of that stuff? Romney's comments stand as an apt representation of the man. They need no further embellishment.

For his part, when called on the comments, Romney doubled down. Of course he did. He thinks it's unmanly ever to admit mistakes.

He admitted only that his comments weren't "elegantly stated," but otherwise stood by what he said.

Given the number of Independent voters who fall into Romney's "leech class," it's a hell of a way to try to win an election.

I am a registered Independent. At the start of the whole process, I had hoped the Republicans would produce a great candidate, one who would elevate the discourse and give me and my fellow Independents a viable alternative to Barack Obama.

Instead, we got this social clod, this soulless corporate weasel who brazenly admits to only wanting to represent the nation's haves.

What a disappointment.
^

Lyin' Ryan runs circles around truth-challenged pols

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Bees buzz, the moon orbits Earth, coaches yell, parents embarrass their kids ...

And politicians lie.

It's what they do. Oh, more genteel people call it "exaggerating" or "couching the truth" or "taking things out of context."

In other words, they lie.

The presidential campaign has been one lie after another. From what I have heard so far, Republicans have been quite a bit more truth-challenged, but the Dems are working hard at their convention this week to give the GOP a run for its money.

Bill Clinton's speech last night was masterful: a point-by-point, detail-filled refutation of the Republican case against Barack Obama. It was entertaining, too. He didn't need an empty chair to keep his audience enthralled for 45 minutes.

Clinton acted the part of the Myth Buster when it came to Republican lies about welfare, Obamacare, Medicare and the stimulus. It was a sensational performance.

Yet he lied, too. I couldn't believe it when he suggested that Obama embraced the Simpson-Bowles deficit plan ... because that simply isn't true. It was kind of like Paul "Lyin'" Ryan a week earlier blaming Obama for America getting its credit rating downgraded -- even though Congressional Republicans, egged on by tea-partiers, were the ones who refused to raise the debt ceiling, leading directly to the downgrade.

My former employer, AP, got criticized for including the Monica Lewinsky affair in its fact-checking story about Clinton's speech. It was in response to Clinton accusing Republicans of lying. And it was perfectly fair territory. Clinton has become something of a hero these days, even to some GOPers, but history knows he lied and lied and lied and lied as president.

Yep, they're all liars. And here's a new low ... or is it a new high? (I don't know how to score these things.)

Lyin' Ryan claimed his best marathon time was "two hours and fifty something." When I heard that, I thought, "Wow, that's really fast!"

Fast, yes. And loose with the facts, too.

According to Runner's World magazine, which keeps track of such things, Ryan only ran one marathon, in 1990. He completed the 26.2 miles in 4 hours, 1 minute, 25 seconds. Which is pretty close, a mere 1 hour-plus off his claim.

A few things:

1. I guess this means Runner's World now must be part of the mainstream liberal media.

2. How pathetic that he felt a need to lie about something as unimportant as his marathon time. I thought Mitt Romney was the big liar on that ticket, but it's obvious Ryan is pathological.

3. Ryan isn't even the fastest recent GOP vice presidential candidate. Sarah Palin once ran a 3:59:36 marathon. I'm sure she could see Russia during her entire run.

4. My wife ran the Chicago marathon in 2003. Roberta's time was 3:59:35 -- exactly 1 second faster than Palin and nearly 2 minutes faster than Lyin' Ryan.

Maybe Roberta should be a vice presidential candidate in 2016!

Nah ... she's far too honest for that.
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Another government cash-grab sham

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A buddy of mine works in the heating and cooling industry. When his inspection and repair business is hopping, he enjoys good steak and fine wine. In rough times - and there have been plenty of those lately - he eats cereal for dinner.

Oh, how he would love a guaranteed money stream. Maybe the state could mandate that everyone who owns a home, apartment complex or business pay 30 bucks a year for a heating and cooling system inspection. Yeah, that would be sweet!

That’s the honey of a deal North Carolina’s car-repair facilities get. Every year, every car - old and new - must get inspected for potential emissions and safety issues. The cost is $30 per vehicle, with the vast majority of the $100 million plus collected annually going to garage owners.

Most states have realized these inspections are shams - classic money grabs by overreaching governments - and only 17 states require them. Even South Carolina is ahead of us on this one, having dropped their inspection program a few years ago.

Cars have been made very well for at least two decades now, and there is little justification for such a sweeping government mandate. To make matters worse, there have been far too many cases of corruption: garages finding problems that don’t exist and charging car owners for repairs; shops actually finding problems but taking payola under the table to pass offending vehicles; lawmakers benefiting through ownership stakes in repair shops.

Many N.C. politicians realize the law smells as rotten as a bad catalytic converter. Pretty much every year, some propose getting rid of it. At the very least, many think newer vehicles should be exempt; after all, how many 2011 cars really have emissions and safety issues in 2012? 

Two weeks ago, the N.C. House Transportation Appropriations Subcommittee proposed no inspections for cars three years old and newer. It wasn't what we really needed - scrapping the law all together - but at least it was a start.

As happens every time, however, garage owners, parts suppliers and other interested parties mobilized to protect their cash cow.

Politicians being politicians, they caved in to the special interests again. The provision died in committee, and we’ll have to keep forking over our $30 even for our near-new cars to receive unnecessary inspections.

As Sen. Jerry W. Tillman, a Randolph County Republican, told the Charlotte Observer: "I know a lot of people who do this, and they sell some gas on the side, but most of their profit comes from these inspections. We have 7,500 small businesses who do these inspections."

Don’t blame the car-repair folks, who understandably want the easy money to keep rolling in. Aren’t our elected officials, regardless of party, supposed to be looking out for overburdened taxpayers?

Democrats were in charge in North Carolina for decades and they, too, consistently gave in to the garage-owner lobby. Then again, didn’t our fine citizens vote for a bunch of Republicans, such as Tillman, to get rid of business as usual? Isn’t the GOP against government mandates? Isn't the GOP for the rights of individuals?

If we're going to have mandates that prop up single industries, why stop at car-repair shops when so many business owners would benefit from a little legislative love (and would gladly make campaign contributions in return)?

My friend who does heating and cooling repair wants lawmakers to know that faulty central-air systems can leak toxic fumes outside and lead to illnesses in homes and businesses. Cha-ching! Sign him up for the money grab!

Bikes with bad brakes can result in severe injuries and deaths. Our precious children ride bikes. Shouldn’t we keep our kids safe - and buoy the bottom line for bicycle shops - by mandating $30 annual inspections?

In addition to stinking up an entire neighborhood, a leaky septic tank can cause environmental problems. Think of all the plumbing companies that would thrive under a $30-per-tank-per-year mandate.

Name a business, any business, and its owner would appreciate such a law. Why should owners of car-repair facilities get all the steak and wine?

Hope you enjoyed this edition of The Baldest Truth. That'll be $30, please.

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Milquetoast Mitt: The Ultimate Coward

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I'm not surprised that a teenage Mitt Romney was a bully. He was a kid of privilege and he wanted to be seen as the "man in charge." So nearly a half-century ago, he led at least one attack -- that's my word; his would be "prank" -- on a defenseless, effeminate kid, holding the screaming boy down and using scissors to cut the victim's bleached blond hair.

When I read about the incident Thursday on the Washington Post online site, I wanted to give Romney the benefit of the doubt. I also wanted to give him credit for improving as a person since his teen years, which he now admits were full of "dumb things" and "hijinks."

Sadly, bullying was very common way back when. I witnessed many incidents, some incredibly cruel and violent, during my years as a mediocre high school athlete. (I honestly can say I never was a perpetrator; indeed, I was scared to death that I would be a victim. I wasn't strong enough ever to report the bullying, though, and I feel badly about that even today.) Unfortunately, bullying is extremely common now, too.

Romney lost any benefit of the doubt, however, with his reaction when confronted with the information the Post detailed about the incident.

The incident was corroborated by several men who were Romney's friends back then, men who also took part in the act.

Romney didn't dare try to deny the incident took place. He merely denied remembering it ever took place. Seriously. That's his defense.

He wants us to elect him President of the United States, and his defense is: Sorry, I can't recall holding the kid down and cutting off his hair while the kid wailed in agony, begging him to stop.

Really? That slipped Mitt Romney's mind?

Funny, the other bullies who took part in the "hijinks" didn't forget. They told the Post they were haunted by their participation. They gave incredibly detailed accounts of their involvement -- and the involvement of Romney, whom they called the ringleader.

Romney, whose autobiography is titled "No Apology," did take a swipe at contrition:

"Back in high school I just did some dumb things and if anybody was hurt by that or offended by it, obviously I apologize. I participated in a lot of hijinks and pranks during high school and some might have gone too far and for that, I apologize."

Yes, the old "I apologize if I offended anybody" non-apology apology. Pathetic.

Some might have gone too far? How many is "some"? How many victims are out there?

Romney showed how weak and small he is when he refused to stand up to the far-right wackos who forced out one of his chosen advisers (because that person is gay, which Romney knew when he made the hire). Now this convenient amnesia, which is even weaker. 

Pair that weakness with the constant pandering (which most politicians do), with the Etch-A-Sketch position shifts (which he has elevated to an art form) and with the inability to relate to anyone who doesn't share his station in life ... and this is what we want in the leader of the free world? 

This guy wants us to believe he would have had the courage to order the hit on Osama bin Laden even though the intelligence suggested the mission could have failed spectacularly?

Please. Mitt Romney's definition of a difficult decision: How much starch should I have my servants put in my shirt collars?

I do not want a weak, pathetic man for my next president. I'd rather have Rick Santorum or Ron Paul ... somebody who at least stands for something. And for all of his warts, I definitely would rather have Barack Obama.

No wonder so many conservatives were willing to do anything -- even elect Newt Gingrich or Herman Cain or Rick Perry -- to avoid choosing Romney.

Milquetoast coward who stands for nothing. That's quite a campaign slogan.

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Rush Limbaugh eats babies?

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So my many advertisers don't abandon me, I'd like to apologize in advance.

See, I'm about to call Rush Limbaugh a disgusting, fat, vile slob who rapes little children and then eats their hearts, livers and kidneys. He washes down those internal organs (along with a half-dozen Oxycontin pills, of course) with human blood.

See, I already realize I didn't choose the best words to describe Mr. Limbaugh, the conscience and spokesman of today's GOP. What happened is that I got caught up with the vitriol spewed by those on the right, and I followed their lead. I should have been better than that.

Republican leaders -- men and women we entrust to run our country and take on our enemies abroad -- live in fear of Mr. Limbaugh, who could crush them by uttering one word about them on his radio show (not to mention by sitting on them). It's one of the many problems with our country today, but that doesn't mean I should be using insults and other incendiary language when describing him.

So believe me ... when I said that Mr. Limbaugh puts firecrackers into the anuses of puppies and then lights the fuses, what I really meant to say is that he merely is a drug-abusing hypocrite jerk who wants to play God.

Phew. I feel better already. And I'm sure my sponsors do, too.

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And speaking of idiocy bordering on evil ...

NFL commish Roger Goodell can't possibly come down hard enough on the Saints for giving their players financial incentives to injure opposing players during their title-winning 2009 season and other years.

Fines to the GM and the coach should reach into seven digits, the former defensive coordinator should be suspended for a year and every player involved should be suspended without pay for a minimum of four games. The franchise should lose at least two first-round draft picks and should be banned from next year's postseason.

The NFL should keep investigating to see if other teams from the recent past -- especially those that employed defensive coordinator Gregg Williams -- also engaged in the "bounty pool" practice and should punish them accordingly.

With Williams egging them on, Saints players pooled their money to create a bounty system that rewarded players with $1,000 for "cart-offs" and $1,500 for "knockouts." The Saints targeted specific opponents, among them Kurt Warner and Brett Favre.

Sick.

Football is violent enough. (And we love that about it, don't we?) But to reward players with money for purposely injuring opponents is as immoral an act as anything that has taken place in recent sports history. It is significantly worse than Spygate -- and that was pretty bad.

Goodell has made a name for himself as the toughest sheriff around, doling out significant punishment for relatively minor infractions. If he's willing to fine a player $10,000 for celebrating in the end zone, he certainly should be willing to fine a player 10 or even 100 times that for aiming to deliberately hurt fellow players.

Here is Goodell's chance to show his disciplinary program is for real and not just for show.

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Bloviating bully Limbaugh & other non-surprises

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Kentucky rolls. Illinois loses. Infamous druggie hypocrite Rush Limbaugh says something bombastic, insensitive and idiotic. Grady Sizemore has back surgery and will be sidelined for months. Tiger Woods laments his lousy putting. GOP voters voice displeasure with their presidential-candidate choices. SI reports that a college basketball coach, UCLA's Ben Howland, looked the other way while the inmates ran the asylum. European Union leaders are arguing. Cubbie fans express hope.

If you were looking for the first day of March to yield unexpected treasures, you shoulda stayed in bed.

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MJ's mansion = Mitt's servant's quarters

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Michael Jordan has put his 9-bedroom, 15-bathroom suburban Chicago home on the market.

Asking price: $29 million.

"That's not much at all," Mitt Romney was overheard saying. "Michael's practically giving it away."

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Billy Crystal perfect, as was The Artist

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The Bald Truth

Billy Crystal, where have you been?

That single change back to the best Oscars host of the post-Bob Hope era made an otherwise anticlimactic event worth watching again.

Maybe he should moderate the next GOP debate?

The Balder Truth

After their 12th win in a 13-game stretch, my Marquette Golden Warriors have moved up to No. 7 in the coaches' poll and No. 8 in the AP writers' poll.

Sure is nice of the only team I root for to make it so easy for me to root for them!

If you have yet to see their do-everything stud forward, Jae Crowder, be sure to check him out. He's probably the best college basketball player most of America hasn't heard of.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Spurred on by the Oscars, I finally checked out The Artist today.

A brilliant concept superbly executed. A most deserving Best Film choice.

I usually make it a point to see all the Best Film nominees but I only saw 4 of 9 this time: Moneyball, The Descendants, The Help and now The Artist.

Hugo now is a must rental for me, and I'll probably check out Midnight in Paris, too.

As was the case with the other three contenders I saw, however, I can't imagine those two matching The Artist.

Bravo to the academy for getting it right this time.

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Today's High 5: GOP Debate Edition

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5. I wouldn't vote for Rick Santorum because he and I have significant ideological differences. Still, I find it repulsive and despicable (two words favored by Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich) that a legitimate candidate who appeals to millions of voters and has strong convictions cannot compete because he lacks a gazillion-dollar "war chest."

For what it's worth (not much), I thought Santorum "won" Thursday's debate -- the last GOP debate for a while, thank Yahweh, Jesus, Allah, Joseph Smith and Richard Dawkins -- in part because he stood above the petty silliness of the Dueling Liars. His attempt to calm the rhetoric between Mitt and Newt and concentrate on issues was practically heroic (albeit failed).

Unfortunately for Santorum, he has absolutely no chance to emerge as the GOP nominee. Unlike his main rivals, he wasn't born with a silver spoon in his mouth and he doesn't have a Vegas Sugar Daddy pouring funds into his attack-ad account.

Instead of making our elections more "of the people," the Supreme Court made them even more about who has the most corporate financial backing.

Until a constitutional amendment that repeals the Citizens United decision and crafts fair campaign finance rules is enacted, things will only get worse and worse for regular folks who want to serve their country.

4. Romney claims that he doesn't make his own investments and that he has no input in the brutally negative ads his Super PACs have been running.

I'm pretty sure he'd be a lousy president, but I'm confident he'd be one heck of an Ostrich in Chief.

3. Ron Paul makes a lot of sense when he talks about the need to stop America's ruinous nation-building policies and to significantly reduce the national deficit.

However, he couldn't sound more out of touch every time he makes a reference to the way things were done in the olden days.

He needs to stop suggesting that we ignore the plight of poor people and let churches take care of them "like they used to." He needs to stop pretending that seniors "did just fine" before Medicare was enacted nearly 50 years ago; a huge percentage of them lived in abject poverty, unable to afford even basic care. He needs to realize that every time he starts a point by saying, "Back in 1962 ... " he reminds everybody how old he is.

Paul is a smart man and I'm guessing he was a fine doctor. But no matter how often he longs for simpler times, today's doctors aren't going to start making house calls again and they aren't going to accept chickens as payment.

We have a health-care crisis now, and longing for the good ol' days of leeches and castor oil won't solve anything.

2. Oh, Stephen Colbert ... please come back!

1. The Great Debater -- a.k.a. The Newtster -- is a myth.

Turning legitimate questions about his character into blame-the-media diatribes is not debating. It is bloviating. Such a tactic might be able to incite a frothing-at-the-mouth, intellectually suspect audience of tea partiers, but it hasn't worked when the crowds have been more civil and more diverse. And it certainly won't work in the general election, should Gingrich get that far.

He tried it again Thursday, but Wolf Blitzer, bless his heart, wouldn't let him. Gingrich was forced to deal with a difficult question, and he got his clock cleaned by Romney.

Romney easily out-pointed Gingrich in the two most recent debates, helping explain his renewed rise in the polls. And with Blitzer giving them more opportunities to talk Thursday, Santorum and Paul were more appealing and respectable than Newt.

Gingrich believes he could out-debate Barack Obama, but I doubt there's any way Newt would be viewed as anything but a bully and a blowhard by the independents who will decide the election.

Fortunately for the GOP, it's doubtful Newt will get that far. Republican leaders are coming out strong against him, and the public finds him mostly repugnant. His "likability" numbers are so low they'd lose a limbo contest to Muggsy Bogues.

This will be the ninth presidential election since I turned voting age, and I'm struggling to remember if there has been a more loathsome and revolting candidate for either party's nomination than Newt Gingrich.

Help me out here ... did Charles Manson, David Duke, Bobby Knight or Rosie O'Donnell ever run for president?

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Top 3 things I'll miss about Rick Perry now that he has high-tailed it back to Texas

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1. He was funny, especially when he was trying to be serious. Interestingly, his predecessor as the governor of Texas had a similar talent.

2. Any member of any middle school debate team would soundly thrash him in any debate about any subject ... and we need to feel good about our schools.

3. He advocated ... um ... uh ... he was in favor of ... no, wait, it'll come to me ... he opposed ... uh ... you know ...

I can't. Sorry. Oops.

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Is Romney one of us? Not very much!

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A cold, calculating corporate raider, Mitt Romney has set himself apart from several GOP rivals by mostly avoiding goofy statements.

He is, however, often clueless and out of touch.

No comment illustrates that more than his assertion that the $347,000 he earned for speaking engagements from February 2010 to February 2011 was "not very much."

Romney wears jeans to try to pretend to be one of us, but is he so clueless that he doesn't realize it takes the average American 7 years to earn what he made in his spare time? Doesn't he realize that by calling $374,000 "not very much," he is alienating all the hard-working folks who live paycheck to paycheck?

Why would a regular person vote for somebody like that?

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Funnyman joins clowns in GOP field

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I finally, finally, FINALLY have a GOP presidential candidate to support.

As the crowd likes to chant on The Colbert Report: "Ste-phen! Ste-phen! Ste-phen!"

I've gotten used to listening to the gibberish that comes out of these guys' mouths and thinking: "He can't be serious!" Now, at last, I can say that about one candidate and it'll be the baldest truth.

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Today's High Five: The Donald, Santo's Hall Call, "LeBron" Buehrle and Blago's plight

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5. Just the other day, I turned to my wife and said: "The only thing that could make this GOP presidential deal into any more of a dog-and-pony show would be if Trump put himself back in the thick of it."

Bingo!

4. My old friend, Ron Santo, finally got the Hall call. Obviously, it's several years too late, but there is something comforting knowing that now, he really is immortal.

3. Of course, that now means the 1960s-era Cubs had four Hall of Famers (and numerous other outstanding players) yet still somehow avoided even sniffing an NL pennant. Pretty amazing.

2. Pretty surprising that Mark Buehrle didn't use an hour-long ESPN special to announce he was taking his talents to South Beach.

1. Any time I'm feeling a little down, I'm just gonna think about Blago behind bars, looking effin' golden to his fellow inmates.

If that won't cheer me up, nothing will.

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