Basketball and football in the enlightened New South

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Wow, has it really been 3 weeks since I last posted? How time flies when I'm not feeling like writing for free.

It's a big week here in The New South.

Actually, North Carolina used to be The New South. Then we elected a bunch of enlightened gentlemen who have turned back the clock to a more genteel era -- when broads, coloreds, heathens and homos knew their places.

A couple of days ago, Bob Rucho, the Republican state representative who serves the area that includes my town of Matthews, took to Twitter to say this:

"Justice Robert's pen & Obamacare has done more damage to the USA then the swords of the Nazis, Soviets & terrorists combined."

That's right: In the space of 140 characters, this noble public servant managed to insult Jews, political prisoners, 9/11 victims and the grammar police. When numerous people -- including his own party's leadership -- suggested he might want to apologize, he doubled down and said he meant every misspelled, mispunctuated and misused word he twitted.

Yes, we sure are very refined here in The New South.

But I digress ...

Now where was I? Oh yeah. Big week.

First, my Eagles scored our first home victory of the season, and we go into the winter break with our first two-game winning streak. After an 0-2 start, we split our next two games before winning these last two in decisive fashion. More importantly, the girls are smart and coachable and really seem to be having fun. I'm already looking forward to January.

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I'm also looking forward to January to see how the Panthers do in the NFL playoffs. That's this week's other thang here in Charlotte (and, I admit, the thang that probably appeals to a few more folks).

If the Panthers take care of business at home Sunday and beat the Saints, they'll be in first place in the NFC South. They will clinch a playoff spot and will have the inside track on a first-round bye.

This is my fourth Panthers season as a North Carolinian, and it's been a blast to have the city be in such good spirits most Monday mornings. A top-notch NFL team has that kind of effect on its town.

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Meanwhile, I have less than two weeks to cast my Baseball Hall of Fame ballot. Last year's vote was a difficult one and this is even more challenging, loaded with a dozen all-time greats in their first or second years of eligibility. I've got my selections in mind but I've been preoccupied with basketball and haven't studied it yet. I'll be making my picks in the next few days and will be sure to post them here.

I'd wish everybody Happy Holidays now, but I'd hate to offend Bill O'Reilly and Sarah Palin with such a generic greeting. So instead I'll give them what they want:

"Merry Kwanzaa from The New South, y'all!"
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Lyin' Ryan runs circles around truth-challenged pols

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Bees buzz, the moon orbits Earth, coaches yell, parents embarrass their kids ...

And politicians lie.

It's what they do. Oh, more genteel people call it "exaggerating" or "couching the truth" or "taking things out of context."

In other words, they lie.

The presidential campaign has been one lie after another. From what I have heard so far, Republicans have been quite a bit more truth-challenged, but the Dems are working hard at their convention this week to give the GOP a run for its money.

Bill Clinton's speech last night was masterful: a point-by-point, detail-filled refutation of the Republican case against Barack Obama. It was entertaining, too. He didn't need an empty chair to keep his audience enthralled for 45 minutes.

Clinton acted the part of the Myth Buster when it came to Republican lies about welfare, Obamacare, Medicare and the stimulus. It was a sensational performance.

Yet he lied, too. I couldn't believe it when he suggested that Obama embraced the Simpson-Bowles deficit plan ... because that simply isn't true. It was kind of like Paul "Lyin'" Ryan a week earlier blaming Obama for America getting its credit rating downgraded -- even though Congressional Republicans, egged on by tea-partiers, were the ones who refused to raise the debt ceiling, leading directly to the downgrade.

My former employer, AP, got criticized for including the Monica Lewinsky affair in its fact-checking story about Clinton's speech. It was in response to Clinton accusing Republicans of lying. And it was perfectly fair territory. Clinton has become something of a hero these days, even to some GOPers, but history knows he lied and lied and lied and lied as president.

Yep, they're all liars. And here's a new low ... or is it a new high? (I don't know how to score these things.)

Lyin' Ryan claimed his best marathon time was "two hours and fifty something." When I heard that, I thought, "Wow, that's really fast!"

Fast, yes. And loose with the facts, too.

According to Runner's World magazine, which keeps track of such things, Ryan only ran one marathon, in 1990. He completed the 26.2 miles in 4 hours, 1 minute, 25 seconds. Which is pretty close, a mere 1 hour-plus off his claim.

A few things:

1. I guess this means Runner's World now must be part of the mainstream liberal media.

2. How pathetic that he felt a need to lie about something as unimportant as his marathon time. I thought Mitt Romney was the big liar on that ticket, but it's obvious Ryan is pathological.

3. Ryan isn't even the fastest recent GOP vice presidential candidate. Sarah Palin once ran a 3:59:36 marathon. I'm sure she could see Russia during her entire run.

4. My wife ran the Chicago marathon in 2003. Roberta's time was 3:59:35 -- exactly 1 second faster than Palin and nearly 2 minutes faster than Lyin' Ryan.

Maybe Roberta should be a vice presidential candidate in 2016!

Nah ... she's far too honest for that.
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Today's High Five: Michael Jordan, Quitter Palin, Brett Favre, Steve Jobs and more

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5. Back in 1998, NBA owners thought they had a deal with players in time to save the entire season. Then an influential block of players -- mainly, those controlled by Michael Jordan's "superagent," David Falk -- nixed the deal. The lockout continued until a desperately negotiated agreement was followed by a sham 50-game season.

Flash forward to 2011. NBA owners, saying they are losing so much money it would make Mike Tyson's head spin, again have locked out their players. Once again, the start of the season is in jeopardy. Once again, prominent agents are threatening to scuttle any chance of an agreement.

This time, though, it is Jordan -- now the Bobcats owner -- who is crying poor. He says he and other owners of small- and mid-market franchises can't accept any new deal that doesn't include major concessions from the players.

Hmmm. I wonder what MJ the player (and his bobo, Falk) would have said about such a demand from MJ the owner?

In a related note ...

My son Ben, a Bulls season-ticket holder, is thrilled the league has canceled its entire exhibition season because now he'll get a full refund for those fake games.

The way the NBA, NFL and NHL force fans to buy tickets to make-believe games is borderline extortion.

Of course, nobody (not even Gilbert Arenas) held a gun to Ben's head, forcing him to buy season tickets.

4. Too bad Sarah Q. Palin, queen of the cash grab, formally announced she isn't running for president.

She had as much chance of getting elected as I do, and the comedy value of her bid would have been priceless.

3. Rather than congratulating Aaron Rodgers for leading the Packers to the championship and becoming one of football's best QBs, Brett Favre told an Atlanta radio station that Rodgers "just kind of fell into a good situation" and should have won a Super Bowl sooner.

This from a guy who, despite having outstanding talent around him most of his career, won all of four playoff games in his last 13 seasons. (Rodgers won four playoff games last season alone.)

Now that you've finally gone away, Brett, please shut the hell up.

2. I'd consider joining the Charlotte branch of Occupy Wall Street if I could figure out exactly what Occupy Wall Street stands for. Seriously.

1. Steve Jobs, the Apple founder who on Wednesday succumbed to pancreatic cancer after a long and brutal fight, was one of the world's most innovative men. One of the wealthiest, too. Even with all that money and fame, however, he couldn't stay alive.

He was only 56 years old.

Rich or poor, famous or anonymous, brilliant or stupid, happy or sad, beautiful or ugly, funny or serious, good or evil ... Death simply doesn't care.

Death gets all of us, whether or not we "deserve" to be gotten.

I think I've been trying to live life to its fullest, but maybe I need to try a little harder.

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Even Sarah Palin hates the BCS (mostly, of course, because she can't spell it)

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So now the major conferences are using BCS standings to determine their regular-season champions? Can college football get any more ridiculous?

I'd rather listen to a Sarah Palin lecture on the superiority of abstinence-based sex education than support the sham that sport perpetrates each December and January.

That's why, for the fifth straight year, I won't watch one second of any of the 549 bowl games.

This year, in fact, I'll celebrate my anniversary by not watching the Chick-fil-A Bowl twice!

Ah, don't you just love the fun benefits of a DVR?
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Bearish in Chicago, winless in Charlotte

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As a resident for all of 3 weeks now, I'm no Carolina Panthers fan. And I probably never will be; my three-decade stint in journalism has rendered me incapable of rooting for a pro team. I didn't even watch Sunday's Panthers game and didn't know the Bucs beat them until some 3 hours after the final horn.

Still, I wish the Panthers were 2-0 (or at least 1-1) instead of 0-2.

This time of year, a city with NFL football gets a lot of energy from its team. When the team is winning, the energy is positive. When it loses, negativity reigns supreme.

Back in Chicago right now, I'll bet folks are darn giddy - and it isn't because Quade's Qubbies have become baseball's Garbage Time Darlings.

Even most diehard Bears fans probably expected doomsday in Dallas. Lo and behold, Lovie's lads prevailed and are 2-0.

Yet more proof that sport - and sport alone - is great reality TV. Nobody really knows what real-life twists and turns the plot will take. And, thank God, neither Bristol nor Blago are anywhere in sight.
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Chicago: City of Big Winners (for now, anyway)

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Interesting times for those following Chicago's sports scene ...

CUBS

In a shocking development that not a single soul could have foreseen, Milton Bradley is out with an injury. Doesn't matter. The Cubs are doing just what they're supposed to be doing during this 162-game preseason of theirs.

They are winning far more than they are losing and setting themselves up for what is sure to be a typically satisfying playoff run.

It hasn't been boring in Cubbieland. It never is.

Lou Piniella has had to threaten several relievers with bodily harm for failing to throw strikes, Kosuke Fukudome is squeezing some hits in between his spin-o-ram misses, Derrek Lee has morphed into Mark Grace II and Geovany Soto's sore shoulder has made an every-inning catcher out of Koyie Hill.

Oh, and Alfonso Soriano is on quite the lead-off-the-game-with-bombs tear. If I were the opposing manager and my starter threw the first pitch within a foot of the strike zone, I would immediately pull the starter from the game, fine him a million bucks and option him to Dezhnevo of the Sarah Palin Backyard League. 

As expected, aside from the Cubs and the resilient Cardinals, the NL Central is mostly garbage. It remains almost impossible to fathom the Cubs losing.

Until October, of course.

WHITE SOX

I flipped on Monday's game just in time to see Jermaine Dye and Paul Konerko hit back-to-back jacks - remarkably, the 300th career home run for each. Congrats to two classy guys.

And Carlos Quentin also smacked two homers in beating the Tigers. For all the talk about how this team now can play small-ball ... please. If the Sox hit home runs, they have a chance to win. If they don't, they usually lose. Fortunately for them, they hit lots of homers.

Though the White Sox have plenty of flaws, I've seen little to convince me they aren't the least-flawed team in a greatly flawed division.

And Bartolo Colon will eat anybody who disagrees.

BULLS

They looked like a lost cause a couple of months ago but now have a great chance to finish with a winning record, the No. 6 seed in the East and a first-round playoff matchup against the Orlando Magic. 

That's huge. Of the East's "big three," Orlando is the least big - even though the Magic have the NBA's best big man in Dwight Howard.

That only seems confusing, so you'll have to trust me. No team wants the Cavs or Celtics in the first round. Orlando is a good team but its forwards are hurting and it is very beatable if the 3-pointers aren't falling.

I've been tough on John Paxson and Vinny Del Negro - for good reason - but Pax especially responded to all the criticism by doing something before the trade deadline. His acquisition of Brad Miller and John Salmons gave the Bulls life.

As a result, Derrick Rose has more teammates he can trust and Ben Gordon doesn't feel compelled to take every shot (only most of them).

I'm still not convinced that the team isn't winning despite Del Negro. I also am not convinced Vinny's team knows what defense is. The playoffs will be a nice test.

BLACKHAWKS

They not only are returning to the playoffs for the first time since 2002, but they also have home-ice advantage in the first round.

Calgary is the opening opponent and I'm proud to say I can name one Flames player without looking in their media guide. Thanks for sticking around through my personal five-year hockey strike, Jarome Iginla!

The Hawks' fine young players sure are fun to watch. Nevertheless, I wonder if they are big enough, tough enough and mature enough to make any serious playoff noise. 

I also have doubts that Nikolai Khabibulin is anywhere near the same "Bulin Wall" who carried Tampa Bay to the Stanley Cup a couple years ago - and goaltending is everything come springtime in the NHL. 

BEARS

Cutlermania has only just begun. Bear Country denizens haven't been this excited about their quarterback since ... Caleb Hanie last preseason!

It would be easier to buy in to the bullishness on the Bears if they had a couple of worthwhile receivers and if the defense wasn't as big a problem as the offense ever since Super Bowl XLI.

Still, the Bears at least have a chance to be good now, and that's more than I would have said a few weeks ago.

So bravo, boys, enjoy the accolades you're getting now before you actually have to start playing football again.

The Quote

Talking about infielders getting intimidated by dirty, hard-sliding baserunners, Bob Brenly offered this nugget during Monday's Cubs telecast: 

"A lot of times, guys get a little light in their loafers around the bag."

Uh, sure ... not that there's anything wrong with that.

Notre Doom, Bullspit and a rocky Tripp

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The Bald Truth

Notre Dame had such a lousy basketball season. Are we sure Charlie Weis isn't running those Fading Irish, too?

Anything You Can Do

After watching on TV as St. John's lost by 29 points to Marquette in the Big East tournament, the inspired Bulls went out and lost by only 28 to Orlando.

Yep, just a few more wins and the Bulls will be NIT ready.

The Balder Truth

Brian McNamee is alleging that he injected Roger Clemens with steroids right at the Yankee Stadium hot tub.

I won't reveal what the two supposedly did next, but let's just say it involved candlelight, Crisco and Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight."

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Speaking of unlikely romances, I was devastated to hear that Bristol Palin and her baby daddy, Levi Johnston, have broken up just 2 1/2 months after little Tripp entered the world.

And to think, the teenagers had looked so happy every time Granny Sarah marched them onstage to make a point about family values. 

Remember, kids: "Abstinence is the only thing you need to know about sex ... (wink) ... You betcha!"