Jered Weaver: Less money buys more

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Once or twice a year, a ballplayer stares down his own agent and opts to stay with his team for far less money than he would have received on the open market. He immediately is praised lavishly as a wonderful human being.

The latest example: Jered Weaver, who told superagent Scott Boras to negotiate the best deal he could with the hometown Angels even if it cost the star right-hander tens of millions of dollars. Weaver ended up signing for $85 million over five years, probably half as much moolah as he would have gotten from the Yankees or Red Sox had he waited until he became a free agent after next season.

(Boras, who likes to squeeze every nickel out of every negotiation and wants to win the contract game, must be having palpitations over this deal.)

Said Weaver in what will be one of this year's most memorable sports quotes:

"How much more money do you need? I could have gotten more ... whatever ... who cares? If 85 million is not enough to take care of my family and other generations of my family, then you’re stupid."

If that doesn't make you want to root for this guy for the rest of his career, you're not human.

I don't blame every athlete for seeking as much money as he can get. Our society is all about supply and demand, and there is incredible demand for the very few great athletes good enough to be paid to play little kids' games. Plus, even a healthy athlete's career is relatively short. Weaver could blow out his elbow next week and never pitch again.

That being said, I'm surprised more dudes don't do what Weaver did.

Once the money gets to a certain level -- and I'd say 85 mil far exceeds that level -- it's all about ego. It's all about making more than the other guy "because I know I'm better than he is."

Well, instead of feeding his ego, Jered Weaver decided to stay where he is happy, comfortable and content.

Although he will earn more money than he ever can spend, he comes across as a class act, a loyal soldier and a good role model who gave a bargain to his team -- and, by extension, the ticket-buying public.

Talk about a win-win-win scenario.
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World Cup rating aside, it's still only soccer

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Here's how the Miami Herald framed TV viewership of the Women's World Cup:

The United States lost a dramatic Women’s World Cup final to Japan on Sunday but won over millions of fans, scoring a bigger TV audience than last week’s Major League Baseball All-Star Game. ... ESPN’s coverage of the Women’s World Cup final drew an overnight rating of 8.6, making it the second-most watched women’s soccer match in history behind the 1999 final, which drew a 13.3.

Cynic that I am, here's my take:

The greatest moment in U.S. women's soccer history was the 1999 victory, which drew a 13.3 rating and allegedly was going to take the sport mainstream in America. Twelve years later, despite even more hype fueled by technological advances, the rating was almost 5 points lower. So I'm scratching my bald head trying to figure out who are these millions of new fans supposedly "won over" by this year's event?

Yes, one of soccer's most hyped events ever can get higher ratings than a given year's All-Star Game. But the next "big" soccer event -- say, the MLS championship or some cup of some kind -- won't get higher ratings than some regular-season Saturday ballgame between the Giants and Phillies.

At the end of the day, it's still only soccer. It didn't just get popular among U.S. sports fans overnight, and it isn't about to get popular 1,000 overnights from now.

So folks need to stop pretending there has been some kind of breakthrough.

Because there hasn't been.
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MVPs ... and LVPs, too

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Jose Batista and Jose Reyes are the midseason MVPs ... of the Blue Jays and Mets.

Were I voting for league MVPs today, neither would be in my top 5.

It's simple, really: A league MVP need not come from a championship-caliber team, but he must at least be on a legitimate contender.

It's not best player, it's most valuable. It's not most valuable to his team, it's most valuable to his team within the context of an entire league. And if his team has zero chance to be in the postseason mix, how valuable can that player really be?

When Alex Rodriguez, Andre Dawson and Ernie Banks were somehow winning MVP awards for horrible teams, how was that fair to the many great players who were having excellent seasons under pennant-race pressure? As Aramis Ramirez proves practically every year in Cubbieland, it's easier to do well when nothing's on the line.

So with that being said, here are my midseason MVP choices for each league:

AL

5. Paul Konerko, White Sox. He almost didn't make the cut because of where his team sits in the standings: 5 games out of first place in a mediocre division. I'll generously say they are on the borderline of contention and reward him for his awesome first half.

4. Asdrubal Cabrera, Indians. A fine hitter, a wonderful fielder and the unquestioned leader of Cleveland's re-emergence as a contender.

3. Curtis Granderson, Yankees. A tremendous blend of power and speed, he is second in the league in HRs and first in triples.

2. Miguel Cabrera, Tigers. One of baseball's best pure hitters and by far the best player on Detroit's contending team.

1. ADRIAN GONZALEZ, Red Sox. About as easy a choice as you can get. He is the runaway leader in RBI, hits and total bases for the league's best team.

NL

5. Ryan Howard, Phillies. I don't care that he's batting only .257. He leads the league in RBI and has 25 more than his nearest teammate. His power fuels baseball's best team.

4. Brian McCann, Braves. By far the best-hitting catcher, he's also handling one of the top pitching staffs in the majors.

3. Joel Hanrahan, Pirates. The personification of Pittsburgh's rise from the depths of despair, the big reliever is 26 for 26 in save opportunities. The Pirates play lots of close games; what a luxury it must be to know Hanrahan will save them all.

2. Prince Fielder, Brewers. Quite a salary drive. He has led Milwaukee into first place and has positioned himself for a mondo payday.

1. LANCE BERKMAN, Cardinals. Albert Pujols slumped and then got hurt. Matt Holliday got hurt. 3B David Freese got hurt. The pitching staff has been patched together. Yet there the Cards are, right in the thick of things, thanks in great part to the league leader in HR and slugging.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the ledger, here are each league's LVPs, the guys doing the least when they were supposed to be valuable:

AL

5. Hideki Matsui, A's. Time for Godzilla to finally retire back into the sea.

4. John Lackey, Red Sox. Hey, at least his ERA is under 8.

3. Chone Figgins, Mariners. Just about time for him to be "chone" the door.

2. Adam Dunn, White Sox. I've never been a fire-the-batting-coach guy, but Greg Walker somehow has turned a feared hitter into a lost soul.

1. ALEX RIOS, White Sox. At least Dunn occasionally hits an accidental homer.

NL

5. Tyler Colvin, Cubs. Another Cubbie Savior bites the dust.

4. Dan Uggla, Braves. The complete package: No-hit and no-field.

3. Edinson Volquez, Reds. Sent packing to Triple-A.

2. Hanley Ramirez, Marlins. Big talent, little heart. What a waste.

1. JAYSON WERTH, Nationals. See what happens when you decide to spend $126 million for a role player and ask him to carry a team?
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An ex-hack's MVPs

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Over the years, I voted for every baseball postseason award controlled by the BBWAA ... except one: MVP. Never got to choose for either league. And now that I'm out of the biz, I guess I never will.

You can stop crying for me now. I'll get over it.

And I'll start by pretend-voting for this year's MVP in each league. I'll choose 10 in the AL and 10 in the NL, just like the grown-up sportswriters do!

AL

10. Jose Bautista, Blue Jays. Team was never in it, but 50 HR earns this much.

9. Carl Crawford, Rays. Catalyst for dynamic club.

8. Paul Konerko, White Sox. On fire when Sox got back in race; wasn't his fault they faded.

7. Miguel Cabrera, Tigers. Probably would get vote for Player of the Year, but my definition of "value" requires MVP to at least be on contender.

6. Evan Longoria, Rays. Best hitter on excellent team.

5. Rafael Soriano, Rays. Emerged as true stopper.

4. Vlad Guerrero, Rangers. Little hype even though he had one of his best years.

3. Delmon Young, Twins. Everybody talks about Mauer and Morneau, but check the stats.

2. Josh Hamilton, Rangers. MLB OPS leader main reason team led wire-to-wire. But he has sat out September and he faced little division competition all year.

1. Robinson Cano, Yankees. While Hamilton got to switch to cruise control in July, Cano was the main man in battle for best record in baseball. The best player on a team filled with great ones.

NL

10. Ryan Howard, Phillies. 30 HR ... 100 RBI ... first place ... (and 149 K). What else is new?

9. Martin Prado, Braves. Unsung offensive leader for Bobby Cox's crew.

8. Brian Wilson, Giants. Made 9th innings exciting sometimes, but nailed down win after win.

7. Scott Rolen, Reds. Wherever this guy goes, winning seems to follow. Brilliant acquisition by Walt Jocketty ... and both ex-Cards stuck it to their former club.

6. Roy Halladay, Phillies. Did exactly what he was supposed to do - and more.

5. Albert Pujols, Cardinals. Another great season, of course, but slumped when the Reds were leaving his boys in the dust.

4. Troy Tulowitzki, Rockies. Swaying voters with crazy-good finish, but if he had been there all season, the Rox might not have had to scramble at the end.

3. Adrian Gonzalez, Padres. The lone cannon on a team full of BB shooters.

2. Carlos Gonzalez, Rockies. Very good first half followed by awesome second half. If his home/road numbers weren't so skewed to the Coors Field bandbox, he'd be the choice.

1. Joey Votto, Reds. Game after game, week after week, month after month, Mr. Steady produced for surprising NL Central winners. Actually has higher OPS than Albert. And unlike Cargo, he did as much damage on road as at home.

Yankee fundamentals, Denver duds and baseball math

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The Bald Truth

The Yankees ended up losing an inning later, but there was a play in the bottom of the 10th at Anaheim in which left fielder Johnny Damon backed up Mariano Rivera's errant throw to third base. And as I watched Damon's fundamentally perfect, game-saving play, I said to myself:

"You know, I'm sure Alfonso Soriano would have done the exact same thing."

The List

Three-word descriptions for the Broncos' throwback unis:

5. Butt Freakin' Fuggly.

4. Musta Lost Bet.

3. World Of Mustards.

2. Thift Store Rejects.

1. Baby Has Diarrhea.

The Balder Truth

Jeff Jordan is back ... and just in time for the Illini.

Finally, somebody decent to play quarterback!

Mile High Surprise

What? Balloon Boy was a hoax? The next thing you're gonna tell me is that Kyle Orton's Broncos are 6-0.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Jonathan Broxton 99 mph heater to the plate + Jimmy Rollins 100 mph laser to right-center field = Phillies 5, Dodgers 4.

See? The new math isn't all that hard to understand.

Some real bald baseball predictions

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The Bald Truth

For all those who somehow missed that Wednesday was Bald and Free Day - really; you can look it up! - I, as Grand Pooh-bald, have extended the event through the end of the week.

So now that you have several more days, feel free to hug your favorite bald dude ... or dudette, if Natalie Portman, Sinead O'Connor or Demi Moore happen to be around.

The Balder Truth

Wow, I remember the Rams' Rush Limbaugh Era as if it were just yesterday.

Wait ... it was just yesterday.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

For all the talk about a possible Freeway Series out in La-La-Land, why do I get the feeling we're going to see a Nothing-Free-About-It I-95 Series instead?

Well, because the Yankees and Phillies are better than the Angels and Dodgers, that's why.

Of course, that doesn't always matter. It doesn't take a lot of imagination to see the fundamentally sound, motivated-by-tragedy Angels nibbling CC Sabathia until he weighs only 300 pounds and shutting down A-Roid & Co. Nor does it take much imagination to see Manny being vintage Manny and the good Dodgers pitching making life tough on the Phils.

But I'm not letting my imagination run wild here. I'm going with chalk.

This just feels like the Yankees' year. They have more great players than any other team, and those great players have been playing especially well lately. Yankees in 6.

And as much as I want to see Jim Thome do some DH-ing in the World Series, his Dodgers simply will not be able to keep up with the balanced Philly lineup. I'm going to put a little caveat out here: As long as Brad Lidge isn't terrible, Phillies in 6.

On the next Heroes: A-Roid and Bulky Barry

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The Bald Truth

Thrilled to see Alex Rodriguez come through in the clutch for the Yankees. You know, it's about time one of America's unselfish, clean-living, freckle-faced lads gets a little well-deserved attention.

The Balder Truth

Congratulations, President Obama! Then again, if I had known that all it took to win the Nobel Peace Prize was not getting my hometown the Olympics, I'd have campaigned for Milford, Conn., decades ago.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

How wonderful that a San Francisco hospital has accepted a $250,000 donation from one of the city's all-time sports icons to create the modestly named Barry Bonds Family Foundation Playroom.

Besides a Lego station, a slide and a reading area, the playroom has intelligently placed dispensers for the clear and the cream at heights any kid can reach.

Brant Brown's got a new best friend

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The Bald Truth

As that great baseball philosopher Ron Santo would have moaned if he loved the Cardinals:

"No! Oh no! Oh n-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!"

Well, You Know The Old Saying ...

The way to a Dodger's heart is through Matt Holliday's stomach.

The Balder Truth

Unusual to hear a Tony La Russa team whining and making excuses. The ball got lost in the lights? The ball got lost in the white towels L.A. fans were waving?

What? You mean it wasn't Don Denkinger's fault?

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Just as the Cubs still led after the Bartman-Alou Fiasco of '03, the Cardinals were still ahead after Holliday's screw-up.

I mean, there was no law saying Ryan Franklin had to have a mound meltdown Thursday, was there?

We're about to see how mentally tough the Cardinals are now.

For one thing, it would help a little if that guy in the No. 5 jersey would start hitting like Albert Pujols.

So I guess this means McNabb's not going to St. Louis?

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The Bald Truth

When Rush Limbaugh says he wants to buy half of the Rams, we have to assume he's talking about the white half.

The Balder Truth

Word out of Memphis is that new Grizzlies guard Allen Iverson has a partially torn hamstring. He must have gotten it while partially practicing.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Jeez, DeRo, nice throw!

Somebody please tell Mark DeRosa he's no longer with the Cubs and therefore is not contractually obligated to choke in the playoffs.

OK, OK ... DeRo also got three hits in the Cards' Game 1 loss to the Dodgers. And that's as many as Alfonso Soriano and Aramis Ramirez combined for when the Cubbies got swept by L.A. last year.

But still ... nice throw, DeRo!

Can Twins keep going? (Uh ... no.)

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The Bald Truth

Stupid Cubs! They would have been the postseason's only sure prediction: Three and out, with pretty much everybody (including Lou Piniella) having an oh-fer series. But they had to ruin it ... and now who knows what's gonna happen?

So here goes nuthin':

Yankees over Twins in 4 ... You have to admire everything the Twins accomplished, coming back from three down with four to play by winning out - including one against Zack Greinke and Tuesday's epic victory over the Tigers. But there is no such thing as momentum in baseball, and Minnesota - especially its pitching - is spent. The Yankees figure to score lots of runs in this series. I'm picking them in four only because I see the Twins winning one more time at the Metrodome before it's all over.

Red Sox over Angels in 4 ... The Angels are one of those nice teams that are good at lots of things but great at not particularly anything. So it's hard for me to take them over Josh Beckett, Jon Lester and a lineup filled with guys who know how this whole October deal works.

Rockies over Phillies in 5 ... I hate the Phillies' bullpen and really like the way the Rockies have done so many things right since Jim Tracy took over as manager. They are very much like the '07 pennant-winning Rox except they pitch better. The Phillies have an incredibly balanced lineup and I'm picking this series to go the limit ... so I'd hardly be surprised if the Phils win Game 5 at home to advance. These teams are very evenly matched and this is kind of a hunch, I admit.

Cardinals over Dodgers in 3 ... Chris Carpenter and Adam Wainwright will win the first two games and the Cards will find a way to finish off the sweep at home. If I had a little more faith in Manny Ramirez snapping out of his slump and in the Dodgers' pitching, I'd think this could be a series ... but I don't and it won't.

The Quote

"You have to tip your cap to Jim Leyland and the Detroit Tigers. They could not hold a seven-game lead in the division." - Chip Caray

The guy calls everything a "hot shot." He thought the fly that resulted in an inning-ending double play was the game-winning base hit. And he was telling us to tip our caps to a bunch of chokers. Bring back Skip and Harry, please!

On The Other Hand

Pretty impressed with Ron Darling's color work for TBS. He told us that Twins starter Scott Baker's big problem was giving up home runs to right-handed hitters and, one pitch later, Miguel Cabrera went yard. And that was just one of many insightful observations.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Before the playoffs get going, let's hand out some hardware ...

NL MVP: Aramis Ramirez. What? It's easy to pick ALBERT PUJOLS. It takes guts to pick Aramis. But think about it: Lou Piniella says Ramirez's injury ruined the Cubbies' season, so Aramis has to be more valuable than anybody else. Pujols? Come on! Just because a guy leads the league in pretty much everything while his team wins the division going away, I'm supposed to cave in and follow the crowd?

AL MVP: Somehow, the Twins overcame a seven-game deficit in a month without top run-producer (and former MVP) Justin Morneau. OK, there's no "somehow" about it. JOE MAUER is how. And to think: The Twins sure screwed up when they drafted him instead of Mark Prior! Seriously, both Mauer and Pujols should be unanimous selections.

NL CY YOUNG: Adam Wainwright had two more wins and only a slightly higher ERA, but Chris Carpenter had incredible stats and was the driving force behind the Cardinals' incredible march to a surprising division title. Besides, Carpenter's story is one of the best in sports this year, and I've always been a sucker for a great story.

AL CY YOUNG: This isn't most valuable pitcher; it's best pitcher. And from beginning to end, ZACK GREINKE was lights-out. Give him a decent team and he wins 22, maybe even 25, games. Felix Hernandez and Justin Verlander are right up there, too, as is Mariano Rivera.

NL ROOKIE: A very difficult choice, what with J.A. Happ's pitching, Andrew McCutchen's all-around talent and Casey McGehee's out-of-nowhere RBI bat. Still, I've got to go with CHRIS COGHLAN, who batted .385 in August and .390 in September/October to help keep the Marlins in the race and lead all MLB rookies in hitting.

AL ROOKIE: This is a two-man race between Rick Porcello and GORDON BECKHAM, and I'm taking the White Sox infielder whose 63 RBIs were 18 more than any other AL rookie. I'm not a guy who dismisses pitchers from the conversation just because they work only every fifth day. In fact, this was so close that I probably would have gone with Porcello had he beaten the Twins on Tuesday. In the end, I'm going with the guy who put up with Ozzie every day.

NL MANAGER: It's nearly impossible to avoid picking Tracy, but I'm going to do it. TONY LA RUSSA simply wouldn't let the Cardinals settle for anything less than a title in a division that was supposed to go handily to the Cubs. He's already the best free agent available this offseason, and I'm thinking he's going to better his bargaining power before autumn is through.

AL MANAGER: No team had to overcome more adversity than the Angels, and MIKE SCIOSCIA is ever the steady hand. I don't know him at all, really, but he seems like the kind of manager I'd like to play for. If I could hit a curveball (or anything else), of course.

NL BUST: And I thought the MVPs were obvious? There's no bigger no-brainer than MILTON BRADLEY for this "honor."

AL BUST: How could a guy with as much talent as B.J. UPTON only bat .241, drive in just 55 runs and strike out 152 times? A leading reason the Rays turned back into pumpkins months before Halloween.

While Bucky felt ducky, Beantown was down

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Bucky Dent didn't choke, but he did choke up. That and other recollections on this week's SportsFanLive post - READ IT HERE.

Losers easy to find ... in NFL stadiums & at Chicago ballparks

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The Bald Truth

Just two weeks ago, the Lions were national punchlines. Now, Detroit isn't even close to being the NFL's worst team. I'm not sure if that tells us more about the Lions and the positive changes they've made or about the putrid state of the league's lowest reaches.

Among those the Lions have eclipsed:

Browns: The funniest thing is that they thought Eric Mangini was the answer. Next savior genius on their list: Gotta be Charlie Weis, right?

Bucs: It must be quite a blow to Malcolm Glazer's enormous ego that his squad is, at best, Florida's sixth-best pro football team, behind the Jaguars, Dolphins, Gators, Hurricanes and Seminoles.

Raiders: And speaking of blows and egos ... if only Al Davis would fire himself.

Bills: Another fine Dick Jauron production. A terrible team and an unhappy T.O. Talk about a jackpot!

Panthers: Was Jake Delhomme really a Super Bowl QB once upon a time?

Chiefs: As bad as they are - hint: real bad - they aren't even the worst team in Missouri by a long shot. That honor goes to ...

Rams: Pull Jim Hart and Dan Dierdorf out of their steakhouses and put 'em on the field, and the Rams wouldn't be one lick worse than they are right now. I know I'd bet on a reunion of '75 Cardinals over this crew.

The Balder Truth

The final Cubs play of the season: Geovany Soto swinging through a mediocre fastball. How perfect! The 2008 NL Rookie of the Year finishes a lost season with one last utter failure.

Lou Piniella can blame injuries all he wants, but it was the team's supposed best players' inability to come through over and over and over again that condemned the Cubbies to beginning another century doing what they do best (or worst, as the case may be).

The final White Sox play of the season: Alex Rios grounding into a double play. How perfect! Ken Williams' wild, desperate stab at saving a hopeless season backfires one last time.

One last time in 2009, anyway. The White Sox will be overpaying this guy for years. I'm a big fan of Williams' willingness to aggressively pursue championships - his relentless, masterful Jake Peavy deal will turn out to be a great one as long as the guy stays healthy - but Rios was available for any taker for a reason. Methinks Williams got took.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

It has become clear that only one person could have saved Chicago's Olympic bid.

Why weren't you in Copenhagen, Jay Cutler?

Wouldn't even have cost us taxpayers a dime because J.C. could have walked all the way there!

Metrodome almost gone (for baseball) but not forgotten

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The Bald Truth

Though I will always have a soft spot in my heart for the place, few will mourn the demise of baseball at the Metrodome.

In a recent Sports Illustrated poll, the Twins' soon-to-be-former home was the only ballpark that not a single player chose as his favorite. Billy Martin famously called it "a Chinese ping-pong palace" ... and feeling that didn't adequately capture his distate for the joint, "a bleeping Little League park."

Players hate the white ceiling that makes pop-ups disappear, the Hefty bag that swallows right-fielders whole, the bouncy artificial turf, the speakers that deflect outfield flys and the total lack of charm. Target Field, the new outdoor facility the Twins will move into for next season's opener, promises to feel more like a ballpark and less like a puffy airplane hangar.

Mike Ditka used to call it the "Rollerdome," and said it was more fit for livestock shows than sports. While the Vikings also want a new stadium, the Metrodome actually is a decent football theater. For baseball, though, most seats are angled so poorly it's hard to follow the game.

Having said all that, I'll mostly remember the Dome fondly - and not just because it was an easy place at which to work (a private staircase leads directly from the press box to the clubhouse).

As the Minneapolis AP hack from 1985-94, I witnessed two World Series (the Twins went 8-0 at home and 0-6 on the road), Dave Winfield's 3,000th hit and Scott Erickson's no-hitter.

I saw dozens of amazing plays and huge home runs by the likes of Kirby Puckett, Gary Gaetti and Kent Hrbek. It was a hitter's park, but that didn't stop Frank Viola and Jack Morris from dominating on the mound; I was the Minnesota BBWAA chairman the year after Viola won the Cy Young and got to present him the award during a pregame ceremony.

I was there the time a severe windstorm tore a hole in the roof and was there many, many times when fans raised the roof cheering their heroes.

I've been in this business for three decades and I've never been in a louder arena than the Metrodome after Hrbek's Game 6 grand slam assured there would be a seventh game in the 1987 World Series. Of course, Puckett's amazing catch and subsequent homer in Game 6 of the '91 Series came close.

The Twins will miss having one of the best home-field advantages in all of sports. It was more than the noise factor, as significant as that was. It also was the quirkiness of the place. The Twins knew all the angles; their overwhelmed opponents ... not so much.

Fans will love the new ballpark, but I doubt they'll love having games rained - and snowed! - out. As long as they were committing zillions of dollars to Target Field anyway, why didn't the movers and shakers pony up the extra bucks necessary to give it a retractable roof?

Mostly, shame on skinflint Carl Pohlad, the team's late owner who also happened to be one of the richest men in the universe. Apparently, he must have thought he really could take it all with him.

For 28 years, the Metrodome truly has been a dump of a baseball facility. But the team would have left for Florida or some other sunny state long ago had the place not been built.

Maybe Minnesotans will remember that come next April, when they're sitting at the new ballpark and brushing the snow off of their parkas.

Self-Cubfilling Prophecy?

Here's the third paragraph of the cubs.com story after the Lovable Losers officially were eliminated from the wild-card race a couple days ago:

"It's now 102 years and counting for the Cubs."

Hear that, Cubbieland? Don't bother showing up next season, either!

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Chris Carpenter not only pitched five shutout innings for the Cardinals on Friday, he also hit a grand slam and a two-run double.

Six RBIs!

Kind of reminded me of one of Milton Bradley's better months.

Angels get tough, Cubs get excuses

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When I heard that White Sox second baseman Chris Getz would have sports hernia surgery this week, I was half-expecting Lou Piniella to use that as another excuse for his Cubs' shoddy season.

Hey, Lou! We get it! Your team had some boo-boos this year, and that's the only logical way to explain the Cubbies' complete failure to compete.

I mean, how else can anybody explain Wednesday's double-dip defeat to the mighty Pirates?

The fact that Carlos Zambrano and Ted Lilly - $131.5 million worth of starting pitchers - were outperformed by two no-name Pittsburgh kids who are making 800 grand between them ... it must have been because Reed Johnson got hurt three months ago, right?

Here's a list Lou and other excuse-makers might find interesting:

Nick Adenhart ... Kelvim Escobar ... Ervin Santana ... Joe Saunders ... John Lackey ... Vlad Guerrero ... Torii Hunter ... Kevin Jepsen ... Darren Oliver ... Shane Loux.

The first young man died in a car accident after a stellar season debut for the Angels. The next four, all starting pitchers, spent significant time on the DL. Vlad and Torii were on the disabled list simultaneously later in the year; for Vlad, it was his second stint. Relievers Jepsen, Oliver and Loux also were hurt.

Recap: That's four-fifths of the starting rotation, two-thirds of the All-Star outfield and a big chunk of the bullpen hurt ... as well as a tragedy that could have undermined the season.

And yet Mike Scioscia's Angels - whose payroll was lower than that of the Cubs this season - are 30 games over .500 and AL West champs.

Some teams get tough. Others get alibis.

Congratulations to Lou's crew for perfecting the latter.

I never did get that "new math"

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The Bald Truth

With Braves skipper-for-life Bobby Cox finally planning to retire after next season, Ozzie Guillen hopes he can manage the White Sox for two decades or more. Ozzie, of course, didn't stop there, adding (as only Ozzie could have):

"Wish I be like three guys ... Tony, Torrez, Lou Piniella and Bobby Cox."

OK, first, he was referring to Tony La Russa and Joe Torre, in case you didn't get it.

Second, unless my abacus is on the fritz, I believe Ozzie might have miscounted just a little.

It's like Robert De Niro's Jack Walsh told Charles Grodin's Jonathan Mardukas in Midnight Run:

"Here come two words for you: Shut the f--- up!"

Again, is there any wonder why I ranked Guillen so high in yesterday's post about my 15 most memorable Chicago sports figures?

You knew I ranked him that high because you read every word of that long blog, right? I mean, it's not like you had anything better to do!

Oh wait, I'm the one who has nothing better to do. I always get us confused.

The Balder Truth

Not exactly sure what this means, but Jim Thome's name is still above his former locker in the corner of the White Sox clubhouse.

He's a great guy, one of the best, but come on! He didn't die.

Move on, boys.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Ozzie said "nothing positive" has come out of the White Sox season - not Gordon Beckham's meteoric rise, not Scott Podsednik's surprise comeback, nothing.

"If you don't make the playoffs, it's a wasted year."

By extension, that means Sox fans wasted every cent they spent on tickets. So naturally, Guillen and his players will rebate their salaries so Jerry Reinsdorf can give every ticket-buyer a full refund.

Fun with stats

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The Bald Truth

After pitching his no-hitter against the Rangers on April 18, 2007, Mark Buehrle won only one of his next eight starts and had a 4.61 ERA through June 9 as the White Sox tumbled helplessly out of the race.

After throwing his no-no against the Astros in that hurricane-displaced game at Milwaukee on Sept. 14, 2008, Carlos Zambrano was 14-5 with a 3.41 ERA in 28 starts. Cra-Z then allowed 13 runs in his final two regular-season outings, was lousy (and received lousy defensive support) in losing his only playoff start and has followed in 2009 with his worst season as the Cubs have been baseball's biggest busts. Total stats since the no-hitter: 8-8 with a 4.32 ERA over 29 games for the $91.5 Million Man.

After pitching his perfect game against the Rays this past July 23, Buehrle was 11-3 with a 3.28 ERA. Batters were hitting .247 against him, with a .286 OBP and .411 slugging average. Since then, he is 1-6 with a 4.91 ERA in 11 starts and batters are at .322/.366/.496 against him. No wonder the Sox have spiraled to oblivion.

So here's a little tip for all future Chicago pitching aces: Whatever you do, avoid throwing no-hitters!

The Balder Truth

Say this much about Milton Bradley: He made the Cubs interesting to follow this season.

Yep, they weren't nearly as boring as in 2008, when they were stuck with Mark DeRosa and the rest of a 97-win team.

Oh, and by the way, DeRo on Monday hit two more homers for the victorious Cardinals.

Jeesh ... talk about rubbing it in.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Projecting the results backward from the moment the Cubs banished Bradley to baseball's Nowhere Land, here is an irrefutable fact:

Had they never signed him, they'd be 149-0.

Take that, Cardinals!

Don't blame Milton Bradley for being Milton Bradley

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The Bald Truth

Milton Bradley has some serious emotional problems. He needs help ... and he has the means to afford it.

Strangely, I feel a little sorry for the man. I mean, he can't help it if he's Milton Bradley. That's all he knows how to be. He didn't hold a gun to Cubbie boss Jim Hendry's head to make Hendry sign him (though, admit it, you wouldn't be surprised if he had).

Hendry on Sunday suspended Bradley for the rest of the season, officially admitting he made the kind of mistake that can ruin a season and set a franchise back several years.

Or, in the case of this franchise, several decades.

Several more decades.

The Balder Truth

Full disclosure: While I preferred Adam Dunn or Bobby Abreu to Bradley, I said at the time of the signing that Bradley made some sense because the laid-back Cubbie clubhouse needed a little pizzazz. In fact, I said that if I were a Cubs fan, I'd have been more concerned about Bradley's history of injuries than about his history of mental instability.

Well, I was wrong. Unlike Jim Hendry, however, I am not paid by Chicago National League Ball Club Inc. to be right. That $30 million mistake won't help Hendry - who had a terrible 2008-09 offseason - in the eyes of the team's new ownership. (Hendry's own long-term contract might help him survive at least another season, though.)

In typical Cubbie fashion, Hendry didn't suspend Bradley for being either a bad teammate or a bad ballplayer.

No, the GM suspended Bradley for being himself.

Hendry made the move after Bradley told Daily Herald beat writer Bruce Miles this when asked if he had enjoyed his first season in Cubbieland:

"Not really. It's just not a positive environment. I need a stable, healthy, enjoyable environment. There's too many people everywhere in your face with a microphone asking the same questions repeatedly. Everything is just bashing you. You got out there and you play harder than anybody on the field and never get credit for it. It's just negativity. And you understand why they haven't won in 100 years here, because it's negative."

100 ... 101 ... who am I to quibble about a year here or a century there?

Bradley never got it. He never got that if you're the $30 million newcomer who was supposed to be the final piece of a championship puzzle and you instead drive in fewer runs than Mike Fontenot, you are going to be criticized. Then, when you blame everybody but yourself - over and over and over again - you are going to be disliked.

Obviously, Chicago was a terrible fit for Bradley, who needs to go somewhere fans don't care and where us annoying media types are few and far between.

Then again, they already had him in San Diego, right?

But hey, don't be too hard on the man. Asking Milton Bradley to be somebody other than Milton Bradley is like asking a nun to stop crossing herself or a gerbil to stop nibbling on wood shavings.

Good thing for Milton: Thirty million bucks buys a lot of psychoanalysis.

Really. I'm not kidding.

If he isn't already seeing a shrink, he needs to start. If he is, he needs to find a new one.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Nice job by Robbie Gould to come through in the clutch for the Bears after:

A. His Steelers counterpart, Jeff Reed, blew two big field-goal attempts and ...

2. His coach, Lovie Smith, risked freezing his own kicker by calling time-out before Gould's winning kick.

If only they had Jay Cutler, too

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Losing 11-0 to the worst team in the league with your ace on the mound ... and getting three hits against a dude with a 6.23 ERA.

Thank goodness Jake Peavy is ready to save the day for the White Sox!

As Marv would say: Yesssss!

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Five Stumpers

(Hint: The answer is the opposite of no.)

5. With the Miami Hurricanes once again bad (the good bad, as opposed to the bad bad of recent years), is it time to hide the women and children?

4. When even Jody Gerut becomes a Cubbie-killer, isn't it really time to pull the plug on Lou's Losers?

3. Isn't Michael Crabtree the only one fooled by Crabtree's bluff that he'll re-enter the draft?

2. If the NBA and its refs don't avoid a contract dispute, won't Sir Charles have to find some other old coot to race?

1. Is Jerry Jones' ego the only thing on the planet larger than the Cowboys' new digs?

Mark Reynolds: King of Swing (& Miss)

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I'm a big fan of baseball's fantastic fanner.

For years, whenever a ballplayer would get near a dubious record - most strikeouts, most losses, most cork in the bat - either he, his manager or both would decide the player had developed a severe case of Wuss-itis and he would take a seat on the bench for the rest of the season.

Mustn't set a negative record that would scar the poor baby for life, right?

Well, Mark Reynolds has realized what most intelligent observers have known for years: a strikeout is just another out.

Reynolds, the Diamondbacks'sensational slugger, actually seems to embrace the notion that he is today's King of Swing (& Miss).

Reynolds fanned four more times Wednesday, giving him 200 for the second straight year. In 2008, he became the first ever to reach that mark, finishing with 204. He'll leave that number in the dust in 2009.

And you know what? Every manager in baseball would love to have a third baseman who just turned 26 and hits for power (42 HR), gets on base (.363 OBP), drives in runs (97 RBI), gets extra-base hits (.571 SLG), steals bases (24) and has a decent batting average (.272).

Reynolds even is a good enough athlete that he could play another position if a team had somebody else to play third.

Were Arizona a contender, Reynolds would be one of the favorites to finish second in the MVP race to Albert Pujols, who has had the award locked up since mid-April.

Yes, the kid fans a lot. As did Mickey Mantle, Reggie Jackson, Sammy Sosa, Jim Thome, Willie Stargell, Bobby Bonds, Mike Schmidt and numerous other all-time greats.

Striking out is better than hitting into a double play. And Mark Reynolds is better than most power hitters (and most third baseman) out there.