Approaching life sans Chicago sports

^
I already can tell that once I make the move down south, one of the strangest things for me will be not caring a lick about the Chicago teams.

Those who know me know that I never have "cared" in the same sense fans do. Whether the Cubs, Bears, White Sox, Bulls or Blackhawks win or lose never has mattered to me and never will. It wasn't my job to cheer them on or to wish them ill. When they did well, I tended to make nice. When they sucked, I was less kind.

Three decades plus in this business, and I've never understood how journalists could get close to the teams they cover. That's always seemed wrong to me.

Having said that, I have followed those Chicago teams - as well as the Illini and, to some degree, Notre Dame and Northwestern - very closely. They have been a big part of my life.

Even after the fine folks at GateHouse liberated me from full-time employment and helped me learn 100 new ways to prepare Little Friskies - I suggest a splash of white wine and a dash of coriander - I kept following the teams because, well, because I was in Chicago and I was still covering games and it was the right thing to do.

But when I'm 800 miles away and there's nary a Paulie nor Kaner in sight, how will I react? Will I still check out the Cubs-Cards box scores online? Will I be especially interested when the Bulls are on ESPN? Will I wake up in a cold sweat still hearing Bruce Weber's unmistakable screech?

Or will those teams I followed for so many years quickly fade from my realm of thought? (Literally, out of sight, out of mind?) Sixteen years of memories becoming just that: a mere memory?

As Vinny Del Zzzzzz used to say - repeatedly - it will be a process. It will take until Thanksgiving or New Year's Day or maybe even Purim ... but soon enough, I'm pretty sure I'll be forever cleansed of A.J. and Kenny and Oz (oh my).

Does that make me feel happy or sad or something in between?

Well, I'll let you know when it happens.

Yankee fundamentals, Denver duds and baseball math

^

The Bald Truth

The Yankees ended up losing an inning later, but there was a play in the bottom of the 10th at Anaheim in which left fielder Johnny Damon backed up Mariano Rivera's errant throw to third base. And as I watched Damon's fundamentally perfect, game-saving play, I said to myself:

"You know, I'm sure Alfonso Soriano would have done the exact same thing."

The List

Three-word descriptions for the Broncos' throwback unis:

5. Butt Freakin' Fuggly.

4. Musta Lost Bet.

3. World Of Mustards.

2. Thift Store Rejects.

1. Baby Has Diarrhea.

The Balder Truth

Jeff Jordan is back ... and just in time for the Illini.

Finally, somebody decent to play quarterback!

Mile High Surprise

What? Balloon Boy was a hoax? The next thing you're gonna tell me is that Kyle Orton's Broncos are 6-0.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Jonathan Broxton 99 mph heater to the plate + Jimmy Rollins 100 mph laser to right-center field = Phillies 5, Dodgers 4.

See? The new math isn't all that hard to understand.

How many ND fans will be pulling for USC to beat Weis?

^

The Bald Truth

Just as some so-called patriotic Republicans are rooting against the president of the United States, will there be self-professed diehard Notre Dame fans rooting against Charlie Weis this Saturday?

As wrong as that seems, Weis has become so despised by a fairly large faction of Fighting Irish faithful that it's possible some Golden Domers would rather see him lose - and lose big - to USC than gain glory by winning.

Notre Dame has won a lot of close games against a lot of not-so-great teams this season, but those count, too. Jimmy Clausen's production down the stretch in those games has helped him climb in stature among the nation's QBs.

Now here comes USC - a team that last lost to Notre Dame two coaches ago and a squad that whipped the Irish by approximately 8 gazillion points the last couple of seasons - for just the kind of home game a coach must win if he wants to be taken seriously.

And if Weis does happen to beat USC, I can't wait to see what he'll do about Afghanistan.

The Balder Truth

And speaking of coaches you can't take seriously ...

Another fine job by Ron Zook. The man's team is all ILL, no ini.

Call me crazy, but when you're six games into your program's fifth season, you should have a pretty good idea who your quarterback is, no?

Hey, let's go easy on the Zooker. He just wants everybody in Illiniland to get excited about hoops season early.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

With convicted dog-abuser Michael Vick coming to town, a Bay Area animal-rights group plans to protest Sunday's Raiders-Eagles game.

These folks believe that if smacking around humans was good enough for Raiders coach Tom Cable, it should have been good enough for Vick, too.

Bad Eleven strikes again

^

I went into this college football season determined not to ridicule the Big Ten by calling it the Bad Eleven, as I've had to do in recent years.

Then the Bad Eleven had to ruin everything by playing games. Sorry.

Illinois got crushed by Missouri, and you know what that means: Time to extend Ron Zook's contract again!

Ohio State needed an intercepted 2-point conversion pass in the waning moments to beat Navy.

Iowa had to block two late field goals to pull out a one-point win over Northern Iowa.

Wisconsin almost blew a huge lead against Northern Illinois.

Minnesota, needing OT to overcome Syracuse, was nearly done in by a mediocre ex-Dookie.

Indiana, alas, still looked every bit like Indiana always does in barely getting past Eastern Kentucky.

But hey, big victories for Michigan State (over Montana State), Michigan (over Western Michigan), Northwestern (over Towson State), Penn State (over Akron) and Purdue (over Toledo).

And the Mountain West can't get an automatic bid to the big bowls because ... ?

Hoping Erin Andrews gets justice

^

The Bald Truth

I am disgusted by the pervert lowlife who videotaped a naked Erin Andrews through the peephole in her hotel room and then posted the crapola on the Internet last week.

Although I wrote a column about the ESPN reporter last year that caused quite a stir in the blogosphere - if you google my name, dozens of posts relate to that column and its aftermath - I have no animosity toward her and certainly wouldn't have wished this upon her or anybody else.

Through her attorney, Andrews has said she will bring civil and criminal charges against this sick creep, if he (or she?) is ever identified. Here's hoping this scumbag gets caught and goes to jail, because this is nothing short of sexual assault. 

Unfortunately, one of the major downsides of the Internet is the damage that nameless, faceless idiots can cause.

By the way, I haven't seen this video and I don't intend to try to find it.

The List

In honor of the 10-year anniversary of Jean Van de Velde's epic choke (and the one-day anniversary of a somewhat less epic gag job by Tom Watson), here are the five biggest chokes I've covered during my 27-year sportswriting career:

5. The University of Minnesota football team blows a 31-0 second-quarter lead and loses 41-37 to Ohio State in 1989.

4. After Scottie Pippen tells him, "Remember, the Mailman doesn't deliver on Sundays," Karl Malone misses two free throws with 9 seconds to go in a tie game. The Bulls go on to win Game 1 of the 1997 NBA Finals (and, eventually, the series).

3. The 2004 Cubs, preseason World Series favorites, lose seven of eight games down the stretch - including five by one run - turning a 2 1/2-game lead over Houston in the wild-card race to a 3-game deficit.

2. Arizona blows a 15-point lead with 4 minutes to go and loses to Illinois in the NCAA Regional Final. Bruce Weber's Illini do just about everything right ... thanks in great part to the utter panic of Lute Olson's Wildcats.

1. Five outs away from their first World Series appearance in 58 years, the Cubs throw away a 3-0 lead over the Florida Marlins in Game 6 of the 2003 NLCS. It's known as "the Bartman game," but the choking Cubs players - not any fan - conspired to create the most amazing, surreal half-hour of sports I've ever witnessed.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

And speaking of the Cubs, they're not playing the Nationals any more ... and so their four-game winning streak is history.

This is looking like a team that's nowhere near good enough to be in position to choke away a playoff spot at the end of the season.

Then again, is there any NL Central team good enough to win this thing?