It's Turkey Time!

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This kind of snuck up on me this year. I was sitting down, thinking about all I have to be thankful for, and -- wham! -- "Uh-oh, I forgot to choose my Turkey of the Year."

So I'm going to dispense with the long introduction and get right down to the countdown, which will lead to the latest in this parade of  lunkheads, losers, scammers, slimeballs, chokers, cheaters, bullies, boors, pouters and pitiable punching bags:

Mike McCaskey (1998); Jerry Krause (1999); Bobby Knight (2000); David Wells & Frank Thomas (2001); Dick Jauron (2002);Sammy Sosa (2003); Sammy Sosa (2004, the only repeat winner); Andy MacPhail, Jim Hendry & Dusty Baker (2005); Aramis Ramirez (2006); Charlie Weis (2007); Choking Cubbies (2008); Milton Bradley(2009); Mark McGwire (2010); Joe Paterno & Penn State Enablers (2011); U.S. Ryder Cup Team (2012).

As always, this is dedicated to the late, great Gene Seymour, my Copley columnist predecessor and good friend.

10. DOLPHINS OFFENSIVE LINE. You know the old saying: The only time you hear the name of an offensive lineman is when he commits a holding penalty. Or when he leaves voicemails for a fellow lineman filled with vulgarity, profanity and racist taunts. What a mess. It's tough to stay, um, Icognito with this stuff going on.

9. TIM TEBOW. By all accounts, he's a great guy and a noble human being. But being a turkey isn't only about being a wretched human being. Sometimes, it's just about being a wretched quarterback. (And yet he still won one more playoff game as Denver's QB than Peyton Manning and Jay Cutler combined!)

8. GATEHOUSE GANGSTERS. Hey investors! Shares of stock in my former employer can be had for 3 cents apiece! Warning: After systematically gutting the editorial staff over five-plus years and emerging from bankruptcy just this week, it's high time for the pencil-necked weasels who run GateHouse Media to give themselves yet another round of raises and bonuses. Capitalism at its finest!

7. TIGER WOODS. He was golfer of the year and deservedly so. How, then, does he end up on this list? Four more majors by the board, four more also-ran finishes, five years without the only titles he considers truly relevant. As for that two-stroke penalty he had to take for his illegal drop in the Masters, well ... gobble, gobble!

6. DENNIS RODMAN. After befriending Kim Jong Un, Wormy McDiplomat's next project is Charles Manson. "Dude's just a little misunderstood, man."

5. ROB FORD. OK, he's not an athlete, but he is the mayor of a great North American sports town, Toronto, so I'm winging it. Hey, I never thought any politician could top the 2012 GOP presidential circus acts for pure comic relief, but this crack-smoking, drunken-stuporizing, foul-mouthed, real-life Chris Farley character takes the cake. And falls face-first in the frosting on a regular basis.

4. MANTI TE'O. The Notre Dame linebacker enthralled the national media with his heartbreaking story about his longtime girlfriend, who supposedly suffered a tragic death. Problem is, his dearly departed squeeze was no more real than Jan Brady's George Glass. Meanwhile, Alabama showed that Notre Dame's title hopes were an illusion, too.

3. RYAN BRAUN. The Brewers slugger had everything -- fame, talent, money and a legion of loyal fans. But that wasn't enough, so he juiced and made things worse by lying about it. Now, nothing he ever does on the ballfield can be taken seriously. 

2. RILEY COOPER. Eagles wide receiver and infamous cracker threatened to "fight every n----- here" at a Kenny Chesney concert. My immediate reaction: Black people go to Kenny Chesney concerts?

AND NOW ... THE BALDEST TRUTH'S 2013 TURKEY OF THE YEAR:

ALEX RODRIGUEZ

Cheater. Liar. Druggie. Professional Victim. And now he's little more than a pathetic, broken-down lowlife. Yes, the 2012 runner-up was an easy choice as this year's top turkey. 

These days, A-Roid is the poorest multimillionaire on the planet. His wife divorced him. Most of his "friends," no doubt, are the people he pays to stay close to him. Even Yankee fans, not a particularly discerning lot, must have to take long, hot showers after rooting for this miscreant. (I'm talking about the few fans who don't come to the ballpark to boo him.)

There was a time when it seemed possible that he could be the greatest ballplayer ever. Now? As the old-timers would say:

He's just another bum.
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Rating QBs ... from Tebow to Rodgers to Romo to Hanie

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Nobody says "The check's in the mail" any more. For one thing, nobody under the age of 80 writes checks. And pretty much nobody mails anything other than junk.

Another saying that should go into permanent hiatus: "The quarterback gets too much credit when you win and too much blame when you lose."

QB is the single most important position in team sports. (You might say hockey goalie, but let's stick to sports that people actually watch.) A team with a great quarterback has a chance to excel and a team that lacks even a good quarterback has little chance at all. Of course, there have been a few exceptions over the years in the NFL. Very few.

The QB handles the football on every play, makes dozens upon dozens of critical in-game decisions and must execute every play properly -- be it a handoff, pitch or pass -- for an offense to function. When a close game comes down to crunch time, the ability and demeanor of the quarterback usually is the one deciding factor.

Fact is, the QB never can get too much credit or blame.

I still don't think Tim Tebow can be a winning QB in the NFL over time, but he deserves credit for the Broncos' surprising success during the eight-week stretch that put them in position to back into the playoffs. And Tebow deserves at least as much blame for the team's complete collapse during the final three weeks.

If he and his passionate-bordering-on-bonkers fans don't think such scrutiny is fair, Tebow should become a linebacker or tight end.

Which, by the way, would be better positions for him.

But enough about Tim Tebow for today. There are plenty of other QBs to talk about now that the regular season has ended:

TOM BRADY: It's hard to imagine choosing another quarterback if you have to win one game.

DREW BREES: Unless it's this guy, who is almost impossibly accurate. He and the Saints are too much fun to watch.

AARON RODGERS: Then again, maybe it's this guy, the shoo-in for league MVP. If there's a Mount Rushmore of today's ridiculously good quarterbacks, Rodgers, Brees and Brady are the equivalent of Washington, Jefferson and Lincoln.

PEYTON MANNING: The perfect example of the importance of having a great QB. But he isn't healthy, so right now Teddy Roosevelt would have to be ...

BEN ROETHLISBERGER: I'm fairly sure he's a jerk, and he rarely looks pretty on the field. But he has won two Super Bowls and he's got a decent chance for a third. He plays tough, he plays hurt and he usually plays really well.

ELI MANNING: Were I a Giants fan, I'd love to hate this guy. For big chunks of every game, he plays ugly. But he absolutely carried the team this year and he has a knack for pulling games out at the end. In that way, he's similar to Tebow. Except Eli's actually a QB.

MARK SANCHEZ: By far, New Jersey's worst pro QB.

CAM NEWTON: A young Steve Young, but already as polished a passer as Young became well into his career. I actually looked forward to Panthers games every week just to watch this guy.

PHILIP RIVERS: Just good enough to be not quite great enough for a Chargers team that never has quite enough.

CARSON PALMER: Still waiting to see what all the hype is about.

MIKE VICK: The rest of the NFC is glad Vick and his Philly teammates didn't realize the lockout had ended until the season was 12 weeks old.

TONY ROMO: You know this guy is talented, but there's just something missing. He's sort of Eli Manning's opposite because he far too often finds a way to lose.

REX GROSSMAN: A very, very, very poor man's Romo.

KYLE ORTON: After coming off the scrap heap to lead the Chiefs to victory over the Packers, and then helping knock off Tebow in the season finale, Orton probably earned a very nice paycheck for himself next season. And speaking of guys who earned a big payday ...

MATT FLYNN: Aaron Who? Brett Who?

MATTHEW STAFFORD: Looks like he can be pretty special, at least as long as he can stay healthy -- and as long as Calvin Johnson is on the field with him.

MATT SCHAUB: A shame he got hurt just as the Texans were starting to get good.

ALEX SMITH: Finally came into his own in San Fran under Jim Harbaugh. I'm looking forward to seeing how he does under playoff pressure.

ANDY DALTON: Obviously skilled ... but will he be more than Carson Palmer?

SAM BRADFORD: Not enough information to know if he's a superstar in the making or an injury-prone bust in the making.

CHRISTIAN PONDER: A great big "We'll see."

JOE FLACCO: Eli Manning Lite.

JAY CUTLER: Another Romo-type who can make all the plays but often doesn't. Still, Chicago fans learned the hard way this year that there are a lot worse QBs than Cutler. Such as ...

CALEB HANIE: Sure, I'll have fries with that.

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Today's High Five: Tebow, Tiger and (who?) Sveum

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5. This whole Tim Tebow thing is pretty amazing. I'm not sure I've ever seen a situation in which a QB can play so consistently bad for so long and then somehow rally his team at the end.

But here's the deal Tebow's giddy worshippers might not get: This can't last. It just can't.

Either Tebow will develop at least some true quarterbacking skills, or he will not be able to play long-term in the NFL.

While acknowledging that Tebow has been impressive (in his own weird way) so far, I am at least a year or two away from admitting I'm wrong when I say I doubt he will be a standout NFL QB.

There's a reason the likes of Bobby Douglass and Tarvaris Jackson and Kordell Stewart didn't succeed over the long haul while Steve Young and Roger Staubach and Randall Cunningham did.

Either you learn to be an NFL quarterback and use your mobility to enhance those skills, or you become just another guy destined for those "remember him?" stories.

4. Tiger Woods isn't anywhere near "back," so I wish commentators and reporters would stop saying it every time he makes a spectacular shot or has a decent round.

We'll know Tiger is back when he wins a major. Period.

He judges himself by how he does in majors. Why should the rest of us judge him any differently?

3. Big win for my Lady Bucs, as we rebounded from our season-opening loss to handily defeat one of our archrivals, Providence Day.

Our defense was impenetrable in the second half, when we didn't allow a single point.

As I told the girls afterward: Nobody ever has lost a basketball game when shutting out the opponent.

2. Interesting that both the White Sox and Cardinals hired former players with no managing experience to replace World Series-winning skippers. Robin Ventura and Mike Matheny are born leaders, so it does make some sense.

It's a cool trend, and I hope it works.

1. In his first big move as new Cubbie Savior, Theo Epstein did something very different from his predecessors.

Jim Hendry and Andy MacPhail, feeling pressure from media and fans, always hired a big name -- a.k.a. "the best manager available": Lou Piniella, Dusty Baker, Don Baylor, Jim Riggleman. Each man had some good times but each ultimately failed.

Epstein could have pleased many fans (and followed the White Sox-Cardinals trend) by tabbing Ryne Sandberg. Instead, he went with a relative unknown, the beautifully bald Dale Sveum.

Then again, this being Cubbieland, does it really matter? They all come in full of life and they all go out in a figurative body bag.

After he fires Sveum in 2-3 years, I'll be curious to see who Epstein goes with next.

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Random ramblings: Rosie O'Donnell's figure or Michele Bachmann's mind?

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The last time the Brewers won a division title, I had just graduated from Marquette. As an AP intern in Milwaukee, I got to cover their run to the World Series. How long ago was that? Well, I had a full head of dark, thick, curly hair.

There are four unbeaten NFL teams. Three of them are the Lions, Bills and Redskins. Just as you predicted, right?

Mike Vick is accusing refs of treating him like a dog.

President Obama says all those doo-doo head Republicans have to stop the partisan bickering.

If Illinois is one of the nation's 25 best college football teams, Rosie O'Donnell is one of the nation's 25 sexiest women.

With Jermichael Finley and Ryan Grant healthy again and reminding us how good they are for the undefeated Packers, the top sports story of 2011 had to be that Green Bay won the Super Bowl without them -- and a dozen other players who were hurt most of the year. Pretty much kills any excuse any team in any sport can make for having a lousy season. Forever.

If the president of the United States never had to think or talk, Rick Perry-Michele Bachmann would be just the ticket.

As impressive as the Cardinals' comeback has been, the Braves' choke job has been even moreso. It takes a special team to blow a 10 1/2 game lead in a month.

Tiger Woods has a new caddie. In less important golf news, Bill Haas won some tournament in which Woods didn't play.

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Today's High Five - Weekend Recap

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5. Syracuse and Pitt here, Texas and Oklahoma there ... more wild shuffling among major conferences and more talk of eventual "superconferences" of 16 teams or more.

It all seems rather silly because big-time college sport really needs only three mega-conferences:

Professional, Semi-professional and Amateur.

Sorry ... I know that's stupid.

As if enough schools could be found to fit the amateur category.

4. Lexi Thompson won the weekend's LPGA event. She was born in 1995.

Yes, 1995.

My electric toothbrush is older than she is. I'm serious.

3. Friday Night Lights had a nice run, and any sports fan -- or TV fan, for that matter -- who has yet to see show should rent its five seasons. That being said, Kyle Chandler, who was just fine as coach Eric Taylor, had absolutely no business winning the best dramatic actor Emmy over the likes of Steve Buscemi, Jon Hamm, Timothy Olyphant, Hugh Laurie or my choice, the amazing Michael C. Hall.

Even Chandler knew it, as he admitted when stunned by the victory. He hadn't bothered to prepare a speech because he felt he had no chance.

And while I'm on the subject ...

One thing we know for sure about the Emmys: At next year's Emmys, this year's Emmys won't win the award for best writing for a variety series. I actually felt sorry for the actors and actresses who served as presenters and had to deliver the pathetic, cliched, hackneyed, remarkably un-funny lines written for them. It was painful to watch.

2. The 2011 Red Sox seem determined to make the 2004 Cubs feel a little less choky.

1. On a day Rex Grossman and Kyle Orton earned exhilarating victories while Jay Cutler was pulverized in defeat, there are all kinds of NFL QB thoughts rushing through my chrome dome.

Cam Newton ... Wow! Another 400-plus-yard game. (And another heartbreaking Panthers loss.)

Tom Brady ... Ho-hum. Only a 400-plus-yard game. (And another routine Patriots win.)

Jay Cutler ... Called out his line after he got sacked six times. Hey Jay, it's not the linemen's fault they suck. You should have called out your GM and coach for giving you such sorry protection.

Tim Tebow ... The best darn blocking wide receiver on the Broncos' roster.

Aaron Rodgers ... Too good. Reminds me of Steve Young and John Elway after Young and Elway realized they could win mostly from the pocket. And no, I'm not the least bit uncomfortable comparing Rodgers to two Hall of Famers.

Kevin Kolb ... Please, please, please stop pronouncing your name "cobb." Or change the spelling.

Matt Ryan ... You don't think he's having a particularly good game; then you look up and he's got 4 TDs.

Mike Vick ... Spittin' blood like a pitbull on a bad day. (Sorry.)

Matthew Stafford ... How good can he (and his Lions) be if he can just stay healthy?

Drew Brees ... If he isn't the most fun-to-watch QB in football, he's in the team picture.

Tony Romo ... Finally comes through in the clutch, and with broken ribs no less. There's a good QB in there somewhere if those obsessed with America's Team will let him be more QB than soap-opera star.

Donovan McNabb ... Man, he got real old real fast.

Peyton Manning ... The NFL's MVP in absentia. With him, the Colts are championship contenders. Without him, they wouldn't win the new NCAA Professional Conference.

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Lockouts, shooting sprees and everything in between

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This Week's Top Ten:

10. Congrats to NFL owners and players for settling on a collective bargaining agreement in time to save the season. Now if they only could do something important and get Congress and the White House to agree on a debt-ceiling package. How 'bout it, Jerry Jones and Tom Brady?

9. Republicans are afraid that ending tax loopholes and enacting other revenue-producing steps will hurt the economy (as well as piss off their rich -- oops, sorry, their "job-creating" -- friends). Democrats, meanwhile, believe entitlement programs can grow forever and ever without hurting the economy at all. Compromise, of course, is the obvious solution ... but apparently obvious only to those of us who aren't in position to make such decisions.

8. The Tour de France has ended. Tune in tomorrow for the Tour de Doping Scandal.

7. Good news, folks: It looks like we're about to use millions more in taxpayer dollars on a second Roger Clemens trial that's bound to be at least as satisfying and meaningful as the first. And we wonder why our nation is in hock up to its collective eyeballs.

6. I have a timeshare I'm thinking about giving away just so I no longer will have to pay the annual fee. Kind of like the Cubs' thoughts regarding Alfonso Soriano ... except I think I'll be able to avoid having to pay $40 million just to get somebody to take my week in Myrtle Beach.

5. Maybe you've noticed (but probably you haven't) that I've been blogging pretty infrequently lately. You'll be pleased to know that somehow I've managed to survive the financial consequences of such inactivity.

4. Here's something interesting: LeBron went on ESPN to announce he's taking his talents to South Beach to do nothing.

3. Someday I'm going to figure out why South Korean women dominate the LPGA Tour but hardly any of their male counterparts even play on the PGA Tour.

2. On the same weekend the NFL lockout effectively ended came the first rumors of Brett Favre's next un-retirement. Talk about perfect timing.

1. To draw attention to his belief that Muslims are evil murderers, a gun-loving evangelical Christian murdered dozens of innocent non-Islam children. The human race is so screwed.
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They told me Charlotte's avg Jan temp was 51!

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Here's our new(ish) car -- which we bought after our last one got totaled in an accident -- covered in wintry fun after our lovely snow/ice storm.


Jeesh ... I moved south for this?

Here's hoping my fellow ex-Chicagoan, new Panthers coach Ron Rivera, knows what he got himself into.

And on another note ...

That was a hell of a game Monday night, wasn't it?

Of course I'm not talking about the pretend college football championship game. Everyone who knows me knows I didn't watch that.

No, I'm talking about Marquette taking Notre Dame behind the woodshed for a good ol'-fashioned whuppin'!

The most fun a Golden Warrior Eagles fan can have with his clothes on.
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Today's High 5 - NFL Edition

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5. Interesting strategy by Lovie Smith: preparing for the playoffs by letting the Bears' QB get pummeled again and again and again in a meaningless game. Maybe he was thinking that if Jay Cutler gets smacked upside the head often enough, he'll stop throwing the football to the other team.

4. Several other coaches whose teams previously had clinched playoff positions didn't play their QBs the whole way and gave numerous starters the week off. Every year, there is a debate about which strategy is the best, and the evidence is pretty inconclusive. Still, were I in this situation, I would minimize the risk to my QB and other important players. But hey, I'd also make my players stop carrying guns into nightclubs, so what do I know?

3. How would you like to be a Panthers season-ticket holder? The owner, Jerry Richardson, threw away the season by employing a lame-duck coach and letting some of the team's best players leave last offseason without getting any compensation in return. A contrite Richardson thanked fans for their loyalty and said he'd make it up to them by building a team they can be proud of again, but I'm guessing he won't reduce ticket prices. He's also one of the hard-line owners in the fight against the union that could cancel the 2011 season. Yep, a real man of the people. Makes me proud to be a Carolinan.

2. Eagles-Packers is going to be a great first-round playoff game. Mikie Vick is fun to watch and the Eagles have a lot of offensive talent, but I wouldn't want to be playing the Packers right now. They bring it on D, and have a pretty good QB themselves.

1. Given that Brett Favre looked 41 going on 65 this season, I finally believe him when he says he is retiring for good. In many ways, it's a shame he didn't leave after last season, when he was sensational, but it's hard to blame him for returning to try for an encore. Although Favre came out of 2010 looking like a scumbag for some off-the-field shenanigans, nothing that happened on the field diminished his legacy as one of the great QBs and competitors of all time. I'll miss watching him play.
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Brain-dead Carlson bites Vick ... and other silliness

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The Bald Truth

When a person goes to jail, that should be it for him or her. No rehabilitation. No job. No loved ones. No home. No chance at a life once the sentence is served. No nothing.

At least that, apparently, is what Fox yahoo Tucker Carlson believes.

Angry that Barack Obama told Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie that ex-cons deserve the right to contribute to society, Carlson barked: "Michael Vick killed dogs, and he did (it) in a heartless and cruel way. I think personally he should have been executed for that."

Simply executed? Why not stoned to death in the village square?

For trying to imitate an insightful human being, Tucker Carlson should be sentenced to 20 years of having to watch Keith Olbermann on a continuous loop.

Indeed, a fate much worse than death.

The Balder Truth

Now that he has changed Sox, Bobby Jenks is saying Ozzie Guillen doesn't know how to manage a bullpen.

Hmmm. I seem to recall Ozzie running the White Sox bullpen quite well during the 2005 ALCS romp by letting his starters pitch four straight complete games.

Now shaddup, Bobby, and go eat another dozen doughnuts.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Once again, Rafael Palmeiro is saying he never took steroids. He is lobbying to get into the Hall of Fame. He has only a slightly better chance than fellow juicer Felix Heredia.

It's pretty sad when we're left having to believe Jose Canseco over everybody else in the whole juicing mess. Canseco insists he introduced both Palmeiro and Mark McGwire to steroids long ago - but not long before Palmeiro went from being slap-hitter to slugger.

Canseco is a scumbag, to be sure, but his 'roid-related accusations have been proven true over and over again.

McGwire spent most of two decades denying Canseco's claims -- and Big Mac had an army of apologists, led by Gen. Tony La Genius, marching right along with him into an ambush of humiliation.

I'm putting the over-under on Palmeiro's tearful confession at 12 years.
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Rex over D-Mac? D.C. soap opera keeps on giving

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Political pundits haven't had all the fun in Washington. It's been a great two weeks to be a sports pundit in old D.C.

When the Redskins last played, Oct. 30 against Detroit, Mike Shanahan benched Donovan McNabb in favor of Rex Grossman in the final two minutes of a 6-point game. Why? Well, only Shanahan really knows ... or maybe he doesn't.

Shanahan has been flip-flopping like a Washington politician out of water, at first claiming that Rex has a better grasp of the 2-minute drill than Donovan does. The coach then called an audible, saying he actually was concerned about McNabb's sore hamstrings. Apparently realizing how ridiculous that sounded, Shanny cited D-Mac's lack of "cardiovascular endurance."

Shanahan and his minions also said they told McNabb during the week that just such a benching might happen. McNabb said that wasn't true.

That Rex fumbled on his very first snap - you miss him, Chicago, don't you? - made the whole thing even better.

Because the Redskins had a bye last Sunday, this silliness was the gift that kept on giving in Washington. Every day offered new nuggets of nincompoopness.

On his weekly radio show Tuesday, McNabb called it "hilarious" and "funny" for Shanahan to suggest he was either mentally or physically unprepared for the type of 2-minute drill he has been running since he started playing football.

I don't often get columnist envy any more, but I admit I'm a little jealous of my Washington colleagues these days.
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How many ND fans will be pulling for USC to beat Weis?

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The Bald Truth

Just as some so-called patriotic Republicans are rooting against the president of the United States, will there be self-professed diehard Notre Dame fans rooting against Charlie Weis this Saturday?

As wrong as that seems, Weis has become so despised by a fairly large faction of Fighting Irish faithful that it's possible some Golden Domers would rather see him lose - and lose big - to USC than gain glory by winning.

Notre Dame has won a lot of close games against a lot of not-so-great teams this season, but those count, too. Jimmy Clausen's production down the stretch in those games has helped him climb in stature among the nation's QBs.

Now here comes USC - a team that last lost to Notre Dame two coaches ago and a squad that whipped the Irish by approximately 8 gazillion points the last couple of seasons - for just the kind of home game a coach must win if he wants to be taken seriously.

And if Weis does happen to beat USC, I can't wait to see what he'll do about Afghanistan.

The Balder Truth

And speaking of coaches you can't take seriously ...

Another fine job by Ron Zook. The man's team is all ILL, no ini.

Call me crazy, but when you're six games into your program's fifth season, you should have a pretty good idea who your quarterback is, no?

Hey, let's go easy on the Zooker. He just wants everybody in Illiniland to get excited about hoops season early.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

With convicted dog-abuser Michael Vick coming to town, a Bay Area animal-rights group plans to protest Sunday's Raiders-Eagles game.

These folks believe that if smacking around humans was good enough for Raiders coach Tom Cable, it should have been good enough for Vick, too.

So I guess this means McNabb's not going to St. Louis?

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The Bald Truth

When Rush Limbaugh says he wants to buy half of the Rams, we have to assume he's talking about the white half.

The Balder Truth

Word out of Memphis is that new Grizzlies guard Allen Iverson has a partially torn hamstring. He must have gotten it while partially practicing.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Jeez, DeRo, nice throw!

Somebody please tell Mark DeRosa he's no longer with the Cubs and therefore is not contractually obligated to choke in the playoffs.

OK, OK ... DeRo also got three hits in the Cards' Game 1 loss to the Dodgers. And that's as many as Alfonso Soriano and Aramis Ramirez combined for when the Cubbies got swept by L.A. last year.

But still ... nice throw, DeRo!

3 cheers for ...

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1. Oregon coach Chip Kelly and AD Mike Bellotti, for suspending LeGarrette Blount for the rest of the season (and, as a result, the rest of the fifth-year senior's career) for punching Boise State's Byron Hout after Thursday's Oregon loss. It would have been nice if Boise State coach Chris Petersen had suspended Hout at least a game or two for taunting Blount to the point of violence.

2. NFL commish Roger Goodell, for only suspending Michael Vick for the first two games of the upcoming season. Vick spent nearly two years in jail for his crimes against caninekind, so I would have preferred no NFL suspension at all. Still, two games seems reasonable given that some people think Vick should have gotten a 100-year sentence.

3. Braves manager Bobby Cox, for his MLB-record 150th ejection. Hey, if you're gonna go down, go down fighting.

Stallworth, like Vick, can show he deserves second chance

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The Bald Truth

The Browns won't commit to bringing Donte' Stallworth back next season. Fair enough. He has to earn their trust.

I applaud NFL commissioner Roger Goodell for doing what the courts were afraid to do: punish Stallworth harshly for getting drunk, getting behind the wheel of a car and killing an innocent man. The one-year suspension without pay won't bring the victim back to life, but at least it's something real - as opposed to the 24-day jail sentence Stallworth served.

I also applaud Stallworth. He could have reacted any number of ways after the suspension was handed down Thursday. He could have been irate. He could have acted as if he were the victim. He could have made noise about appealing, either through the union or the courts.

Instead, he issued this statement:

"Regardless of the length of my suspension, I will carry the burden of (the victim's) death for the rest of my life. I urge NFL fans not to judge NFL players or me based on my tragic lapse in judgment. I am a good person who did a bad thing. I will use the period of my suspension to reflect, fulfill my obligations, and use this experience to make a positive impact on the lives of those who look up to NFL players."

Maybe he took that tone just to save his career, but at least he took it.

If he comes out of this a better person, he will deserve a chance to do what he does best - if not for Cleveland, than for another team.

The Quote

"He gave Lou exactly what he needed - a deep outing." - Cubs broadcaster Bob Brenly as Ryan Dempster neared the end of a seven-inning, six-run, two-HR, eight-hit outing in Thursday's 6-1 loss to the Phillies.

Really?

Hey, I'm a big Bob Brenly fan because he tells it like it is more often than just about any team announcer in the bigs ... but really?

A $52 million pitcher gives up six runs to fall to 6-6 with a 4.23 ERA for a team that is crashing and burning, and he gets a big thumbs-up just because he labored through seven innings in yet another lopsided defeat for Lou Piniella's losers?

I understand that the Cubs scored only once and that the result was hardly Dempster's fault, but does he really deserve praise for pitching seven innings of batting practice?

How in the name of Bob Gibson, Tom Seaver and Sandy Koufax did actual performances on the mound become secondary to eating innings?

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Even if Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie was motivated at least in part by his desire to steal some thunder from the Phillies, his signing of convicted dog torturer Michael Vick showed guts and compassion.

My longtime readers know I'm a big believer in second chances. Vick committed a heinous crime and served a long sentence. He has been apologetic and humble.

The ultimate goal of incarceration is to rehabilitate criminals, to make them valuable contributors to society.

Lurie obviously knows PETA will be out in full force, picketing Eagles games to draw attention to their cause. Well, if the PETA folks would look at the big picture, they would realize that having Vick campaign publicly against inhumane treatment of animals - as he says he will - is far more valuable than having him manage a Waffle House in Podunk.

As for the football side of it, I'm a little surprised Vick landed in Philly, where Donovan McNabb just got a lucrative contract extension and where coach Andy Reid benched McNabb at one point last season in favor of supposed QB of the future Kevin Kolb.

So either Reid is no longer very high on Kolb or the coach is intrigued by the many roles Vick can play in the offense (or maybe a little of both).

Whatever the reason, I'm glad to see our legal system working properly.

Now, here's hoping that a Falcon turned Eagle truly will spread his wings and take flight.

Become a solid citizen, Mr. Vick, and prove you deserve the tremendous second chance you have received.

Green is the color of the day

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The Bald Truth

Just days after paying AC Milan $92 million for Brazilian midfielder Kaka, Real Madrid agreed to fork over $131 million to Manchester United just for the right to work out a contract with Portuguese midfielder Christiano Rinaldo. Wow! That's a lot of green just to increase the team's goals-per-game average from 1.04 to 1.05.

And this just in: Sources say the Yankees contacted Real Madrid to see how much the soccer club would pay for Alex Rodriguez. 

"We can't promise he'll come through with the season on the line," Hank Steinbrenner was overheard saying. "But at least he'll supply his own syringes."

The Balder Truth

The Eagles have given Donovan McNabb a new contract, and the deal is unique to say the least.

It contains the first per-boo incentive clause in sports history.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Gotta give John Daly credit: The man has style.

He's charitable, too. After the St. Jude Classic, he's donating his pants to the Sad Clowns Society.

A prediction, and other Super Bowl observations

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The Bald Truth

If you're wondering why I haven't posted for a few days (and even if you're not wondering), it's because I'm in Phoenix for a little R&R. As Blago would say, being unemployed can be exhausting!

Anyway, as a detached, objective observer, it's been fun - and more than a little strange - watching Arizona Cardinals fans behave.

Yes, Cardinal Fever has swept across the valley like so many tumbleweeds, but it's hard to take it too seriously. The guy driving in front of me in the Chevy Suburban - a road behemoth that was decked out in Cardinals red and featured no fewer than a half-dozen Cardinals flags - almost surely was not so feverish about his heroes just a few months ago.

The fans here aren't much like Steelers fans (or Bears fans, Eagles fans, Giants fans, etc., etc., etc.). Fans of those teams had little choice. Their fathers and grandmothers and uncles and older sisters worshipped those teams, so they simply had to worship them, too. Through good times and bad, they were Steelers fans (and Bears fans, Eagles fans, Giants fans, etc.) ... period.

Cardinals fans? Most grew up in other parts of the country rooting for other teams. And most kept rooting for their favorite teams after moving to the Valley of the Sun - all but ignoring Bill Bidwell's unlovable losers.

Indeed, fans here had Cardinal Fever only in the sense that they were sick of having to watch that awful team Sunday after Sunday, season after season, when they would have rather been watching their Jets or their Packers or - gulp! - even their Bengals.

This is just a generalization, of course, because I'm sure there are some diehard fans of Arizona's pro football franchise. Just not many.

Now, well, the bandwagon overfloweth.

Perfect weather and a Super Bowl team for a bunch of Cardinal Come Lately fans? Somehow, it just doesn't seem fair.

Scrawl-Line Cubbie Blues

About 1,000 times a day, ESPN runs a little bottom-of-the-screen line stating that the Cardinals franchise's 61-year championship drought is the second-longest in major professional sports.

The Balder Truth

I was dead-wrong about Kurt Warner.

Several years ago, when the Bears were looking for a QB to back up future star Rex Grossman, I wrote that Warner would be the wrong choice. He was too old. He seemed washed up. His wife, Brenda, was a bit of a pain in the posterior. He wanted to compete for the starting job and it would do the Bears no good to stunt Grossman's growth as a QB.

Blah blah blah. I had reasons galore ... and, in retrospect, pretty much every one of them was foolish.

My only solace: I wasn't alone. Bears honchos Jerry Angelo and Lovie Smith, who were paid slightly more than I was to be right about such things, also gave Warner the big thumbs-down. Warner was rejected by numerous other GMs and coaches, too.

What a bunch of dopes all of us were.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

So now here it is ... prediction time.

I really, really want to pick the Cardinals because they are such a cool story. You have Warner, one of the NFL's all-time underdogs. You have a defense that came out of nowhere to become formidable. You have dozens of players who are anonymous to fans outside of Arizona (and, methinks, to quite a few fans in Arizona). You have Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin; it's pretty easy to envision those world-class receivers dancing repeatedly in the end zone.

Plus, there's the whattayagottolose factor. If I pick the Cardinals and they win, wow, what a great upset call. And if they lose, hey, it was worth a try.

Having said all that ...

I can see the Steelers' defense making life absolutely miserable for Warner, smothering him, taking away his passing lanes, roughing up those star receivers, making the Cardinals one-dimensional by completely shutting down the running game.

I also can see Willie Parker running wild against the Arizona D and, as a result, Ben Roethlisberger connecting on game-changing deep passes.

From top to bottom, the Steelers are the better, more experienced, more fundamentally sound team. They are far and away the better defensive team, and defense wins championships, right? As romantic as it is to say "Anything can happen" - the Cardinals' presence in Tampa is evidence of that - the best team usually does prevail on the biggest stage.

And so ...

Steelers 27, Cardinals 17.

Go ahead, Kurt Warner. Prove me (and about a zillion others) wrong one more time.
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