Super Upset?

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Short and quick about Super Bowl Whatever Number This Is ...

I really love watching Joe Burrow play. Lots of chutzpah and a ton of talent. And that Cinci kicker is a cool, cocky kid too. I'd expect him to hit anywhere from 55 & in with the game on the line if he gets the chance. 

I like Matthew Stafford as well (and I'm bummed the Panthers didn't get him). I'd have questioned his ability to pull out a close game, but he responded big-time against the Niners. I do think that with all the talk about LA's defensive line, Cinci's is getting overlooked some. They can get after Stafford and put him on his butt.

Last year, I felt the Bucs would torment Mahomes, who was playing behind a porous offensive line. And the Bengals have an even worse O-line ... and the Rams have a great D-line. 

And yet, I just see Burrow finding a way this time.

Bengals 23, Rams 20

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Rating QBs ... from Tebow to Rodgers to Romo to Hanie

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Nobody says "The check's in the mail" any more. For one thing, nobody under the age of 80 writes checks. And pretty much nobody mails anything other than junk.

Another saying that should go into permanent hiatus: "The quarterback gets too much credit when you win and too much blame when you lose."

QB is the single most important position in team sports. (You might say hockey goalie, but let's stick to sports that people actually watch.) A team with a great quarterback has a chance to excel and a team that lacks even a good quarterback has little chance at all. Of course, there have been a few exceptions over the years in the NFL. Very few.

The QB handles the football on every play, makes dozens upon dozens of critical in-game decisions and must execute every play properly -- be it a handoff, pitch or pass -- for an offense to function. When a close game comes down to crunch time, the ability and demeanor of the quarterback usually is the one deciding factor.

Fact is, the QB never can get too much credit or blame.

I still don't think Tim Tebow can be a winning QB in the NFL over time, but he deserves credit for the Broncos' surprising success during the eight-week stretch that put them in position to back into the playoffs. And Tebow deserves at least as much blame for the team's complete collapse during the final three weeks.

If he and his passionate-bordering-on-bonkers fans don't think such scrutiny is fair, Tebow should become a linebacker or tight end.

Which, by the way, would be better positions for him.

But enough about Tim Tebow for today. There are plenty of other QBs to talk about now that the regular season has ended:

TOM BRADY: It's hard to imagine choosing another quarterback if you have to win one game.

DREW BREES: Unless it's this guy, who is almost impossibly accurate. He and the Saints are too much fun to watch.

AARON RODGERS: Then again, maybe it's this guy, the shoo-in for league MVP. If there's a Mount Rushmore of today's ridiculously good quarterbacks, Rodgers, Brees and Brady are the equivalent of Washington, Jefferson and Lincoln.

PEYTON MANNING: The perfect example of the importance of having a great QB. But he isn't healthy, so right now Teddy Roosevelt would have to be ...

BEN ROETHLISBERGER: I'm fairly sure he's a jerk, and he rarely looks pretty on the field. But he has won two Super Bowls and he's got a decent chance for a third. He plays tough, he plays hurt and he usually plays really well.

ELI MANNING: Were I a Giants fan, I'd love to hate this guy. For big chunks of every game, he plays ugly. But he absolutely carried the team this year and he has a knack for pulling games out at the end. In that way, he's similar to Tebow. Except Eli's actually a QB.

MARK SANCHEZ: By far, New Jersey's worst pro QB.

CAM NEWTON: A young Steve Young, but already as polished a passer as Young became well into his career. I actually looked forward to Panthers games every week just to watch this guy.

PHILIP RIVERS: Just good enough to be not quite great enough for a Chargers team that never has quite enough.

CARSON PALMER: Still waiting to see what all the hype is about.

MIKE VICK: The rest of the NFC is glad Vick and his Philly teammates didn't realize the lockout had ended until the season was 12 weeks old.

TONY ROMO: You know this guy is talented, but there's just something missing. He's sort of Eli Manning's opposite because he far too often finds a way to lose.

REX GROSSMAN: A very, very, very poor man's Romo.

KYLE ORTON: After coming off the scrap heap to lead the Chiefs to victory over the Packers, and then helping knock off Tebow in the season finale, Orton probably earned a very nice paycheck for himself next season. And speaking of guys who earned a big payday ...

MATT FLYNN: Aaron Who? Brett Who?

MATTHEW STAFFORD: Looks like he can be pretty special, at least as long as he can stay healthy -- and as long as Calvin Johnson is on the field with him.

MATT SCHAUB: A shame he got hurt just as the Texans were starting to get good.

ALEX SMITH: Finally came into his own in San Fran under Jim Harbaugh. I'm looking forward to seeing how he does under playoff pressure.

ANDY DALTON: Obviously skilled ... but will he be more than Carson Palmer?

SAM BRADFORD: Not enough information to know if he's a superstar in the making or an injury-prone bust in the making.

CHRISTIAN PONDER: A great big "We'll see."

JOE FLACCO: Eli Manning Lite.

JAY CUTLER: Another Romo-type who can make all the plays but often doesn't. Still, Chicago fans learned the hard way this year that there are a lot worse QBs than Cutler. Such as ...

CALEB HANIE: Sure, I'll have fries with that.

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Bears obviously determined to avoid another narrow defeat

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The Bald Truth

You know, if a few plays go differently in that game, the Bears only lose by 21.

28, tops.

The List

Five Bears who should be most embarrassed by Sunday's 45-10 loss to the Bengals:

1. Lovie Smith. The head coach - who brazenly promoted himself to defensive coordinator/czar/guru - had to watch helplessly as his heralded gang got bent, folded, mutilated, fooled, befuddled and bamboozled. Bengals offensive coordinator Bob Bratkowski seemed to know exactly what Lovie's lads were going to do on every single play. Lovie's fingerprints were all over this game - and they're all over a 3-3 team that, as usual, has been built to break Bear Country's collective heart.

2 (tie). Every Offensive & Defensive Lineman. We all could see what Jay Cutler and Matt Forte weren't doing for the Bears and what Carson Palmer and Cedric Benson were doing for the Bengals. Really, though, the skill players were relative bit players. The Bengals so dominated both lines of scrimmage it was as if they were playing Walter Payton College Prep instead of Sweetness' former team.

3. Peanut Tillman. All week long, Chad Ochocinco promised he was going to whip Peanut into butter. Then the game came, and No. 85 made Tillman look like No. 2, if you get my drift.

4. Chicago Scribes. Pretty much every voice in the Tribune and Sun-Times, including Mike Royko's ghost, forecast a Bears triumph. The prevailing logic seemed to be: The defense would be all riled up to prove that Benson's been a fluke this year; and Cutler would have a huge day. And these guys are supposed to be experts? Come on! They should be like me and be perfect with every prediction! (Um, the Cubs and White Sox did win their divisions this year, right?)

5. Brad Maynard. Well, not really. But Wanny used to like to blame Todd Sauerbrun when things went bad, so there certainly is precedent for fingering the punter.

The Balder Truth

Here was the Bears' first play from scrimmage in the ...

First Quarter: Defense allows 19-yard pass from Palmer to Ochocinco. (Palmer goes on to throw for 5 TDs, including dos to Ochocinco.)

Second Quarter: Despite a perfectly good snap from Olin Kreutz, Cutler fumbles. (Bears Savior J.C. finishes with 3 interceptions, 2 fumbles and about 30 bruises as his offensive line apparently thought it was supposed to be a night game.)

Third Quarter: Cutler passes to Earl Bennett for a 2-yard loss. (Rough day all around for the Bears' resident Vanderbiltians.)

Fourth Quarter: Benson scores on a 1-yard run. (The ex-Bear formerly known as Sled-ric pounds and scoots his way to 189 yards - and to bragging rights forever.)

So I don't want to hear that the Bears were inconsistent, because they really were paragons of consistency all day long.

The Quote

"Jay Cutler really has not had a chance in this game. Unless they get better up front ... they're gonna struggle. That O-line's gotta improve." - Fox-TV analyst Tim Ryan.

The D-line, as well. Because while Cutler was getting clobbered pretty much every time he dropped back to pass, Palmer had so much time to kill in the Bengals' pocket that he could be seen filing his nails, reading biblical passages and downloading new tunes to his iPod.

Oh, and finding wide-open receivers, too.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

After Benson's TD made it 45-3, I wondered how he was going to celebrate. Would he taunt the defensive players who used to relish hitting him extra hard in practice? Did he have props stored somewhere near the end zone? Would there be an elaborate dance? Would he dive into the stands and whoop it up with fans who love him?

At first, I was mildly disappointed when he simply put the football on the ground, accepted congratulations from teammates and dropped to one knee in prayer.

Soon enough, though, he jumped to his feet and started taking a victory lap around the inside of the stadium. He waved to fans and soaked in the cheers until a teammate stopped him from rubbing it in and acting so unprofessionally.

That teammate, of course, was ...

Chad Ochocinco, Voice of Reason!

The bald truth about Cedric Benson

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The Bald Truth

Cedric Benson says that Bears players resented him while he was in Chicago and that Bears honchos badmouthed and blackballed him after he left. Lovie Smith says they didn't. Bengals coach Marvin Lewis, who has benefited from Benson's emergence, says Smith actually spoke up on Benson's behalf. What really happened?

Aside from Benson pissing off the Bears by not inviting any of them on his party boat, that is?

Well, here goes ...

Immediately after the Bears drafted him, Benson played the poor-poor-pitiful-me routine, actually crying because he was ready to prove all the naysayers wrong.

He wasn't all that ready, though, because he held out and missed the start of camp. Then, upon signing, he was arrogant and aloof.

So it was all Benson's fault then? Not exactly.

Thomas Jones, obviously threatened by the presence of a top draft pick at his position, was very popular with the other players and took every opportunity to turn his teammates against Benson. Defensive players relished the opportunity to take extra-hard shots at the cocky Benson during training camp.

Just because Benson is paranoid doesn't mean many of his teammates weren't out to get him.

As for blackballing ...

Because Benson offered not even a sliver of evidence, it's pretty tough to give his charge much credence. He's bitter and has an ax to grind. Of course, the fact that the Bears wasted the fourth-overall draft pick and a lot of money on Benson gave some front-office types motive to do a little blackballing.

We probably never will know the truth about that part of the story. So let's just say that if Benson's Bengals beat the Bears in Cinci this Sunday, he's right. And if he loses, he's wrong.

Sounds fair to me.

For what it's worth, the Bengals say they love Benson, who is the league's third-leading rusher. They praise his work habits and say he's a good guy in the locker room. The Bears probably think that if Benson had been this dedicated way back when, things would have been different for him in Chicago.

In the end, this clearly is one of those deals in which everybody won.

Benson needed to get out of Chicago.

The Bears needed to move on.

The Bengals needed a good tailback.

Benson has helped Cincinnati become one of the NFL's surprise teams.

And Matt Forte has the Bears' running game going in high gear. As long as "reverse" also is considered a gear.

The Balder Truth

One could say that Mike Scioscia pulled his starter too early and that Joe Girardi pulled his starter too late.

Or one could say that the pitchers employed by both ALCS teams should have done better at the jobs they are paid handsomely to do.

Egads! Actually holding zillionaire athletes accountable! Have I lost my mind?

As it turned out, after blowing a 4-0 lead, the Angels rallied for a 7-6 victory over the Yankees, sending the series back to New York for Game 6 ... and making their manager look less stupid.

By the way, we all should be as stupid as Scioscia and Girardi.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

It's so sad to hear that Magic Johnson and Isiah Thomas are having a spat.

I mean, isn't it time for them to kiss (again) and make up?

Urlacher's bald head is unfair advantage in sexy-athlete competition

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The Bald Truth

This e-mail, from the Bulls, was a pleasant diversion from the normal humdrum fare I usually get in my in-box:

VICTORIA'S SECRET NAMES DERRICK ROSE AS

“WHAT’S SEXY NOW CHICAGO” NOMINEE

Model Marisa Miller to present Rose with his nomination Thurs. at the Berto Center

WHO: Derrick Rose, Bulls Guard

Marisa Miller, Model and Victoria's Secret Angel

WHAT: After practice on Thursday, Victoria's Secret Angel Marisa Miller will make a special appearance to present Derrick Rose with his Victoria's Secret “What’s Sexy Now Chicago Athlete” nomination.

Rose will compete for the award against the Bears' Brian Urlacher and the Blackhawks' Patrick Sharp.

To cast your vote and see the full list of Chicago nominees, visit VSChicago.com, celebrating all things sexy in Chicago.

This event is taking place in conjunction with the opening of the new Victoria's Secret flagship store located at 734 N. Michigan Avenue on Thursday.

The List

Five events in which Rose, Urlacher and Sharp will compete as they vie for the "What's Sexy Now Chicago Athlete" honor:

5. Looking sexy in stylish glasses while taking the SAT. (That's a college entrance exam, Derrick, in case you never heard of it.)

4. Most sex leading to children fathered. (Wait ... I think Urlacher has this one clinched.)

3. Swimsuit competition. (No thongs. Please! No! Thongs!)

2. Sexiest pout while demanding a new contract. (Urlacher is the overwhelming favorite because he has so much practice.)

1. Ice-Dancing with the Stars. (Hey, Sharp deserves to have one event he can win.)

The Balder Truth

If it seems strange that 47-year-old Chris Chelios has signed to play in the minors for the Chicago Wolves, just remember this:

He's not even 7 in wolf years.

The Quote

"We're two plays away from being 5-0." - Robbie Gould, Tuesday on WSCR-AM.

Yep. And his Bears are two plays away from being 1-4, too, but we won't talk about those.

3-2 ... that seems just about right for Lovie's Lads.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Thanks to a new iPhone application costing a mere $4.99, fans of Chad Ochocinco can keep tabs on the Bengals receiver's tweets and such. As a bonus, the AP story says, "They can ask his device on dating or anything else."

Oooh! Oooh! Me first!

"Mr. Ochocinco, is it best to kiss a girl before or after I whisper sweet trash-talk in her ear?"

Give 'em 1 minute, they'll give you 2 L's

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The Bald Truth

So I was watching Dennis Leary's Rescue Me with my wife when we put the show on pause to check out what was happening in Tuesday night's Chicago ballgames.

Within a 60-second span, Gordon Beckham grounded weakly to the pitcher with the tying run on base to end the White Sox's come-from-ahead loss to the Rays and The Great Jeff Samardzija served up Jayson Werth's 13th-inning homer to cap the Cubs' loss to the Phillies.

 

And then my wife and I switched back to Rescue Me, distracted only by the realization that our fine city is a mere three months away from yet another Cubs-Sox World Series.

Once Upon A Time

Hey, didn't Bobby Jenks used to be more than just another bad reliever with a goofy beard?

The Balder Truth

Now that they're 1-6 in games in which Mark DeRosa has played, the Cardinals must be trying to figure out what they need to do to get him back on the Cubs.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Cool story by Yahoo! football writer Michael Silver, who tells of a phone conversation he had with Chad Ochounodostrescuatrocinco. Apparently, during a Lakers game last spring, the former Chad Johnson had a sit-down with Denzel Washington - who told Chad to stop being such a tool.

"He wasn't being gentle," C.O. told Silver. "He said, 'You know what? You need to straighten up and stop fussin' about something you have no control over. Make it fun again because it sure looks better when you do it that way.' That's all I needed to hear, especially from somebody like him."

By all means! After you're done getting real coaches fired, make sure you pay attention to a make-believe coach.

My sources tell me that Denzel's final words to C.O. were this:

"Oh, and remember the Titans!"

A prediction, and other Super Bowl observations

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The Bald Truth

If you're wondering why I haven't posted for a few days (and even if you're not wondering), it's because I'm in Phoenix for a little R&R. As Blago would say, being unemployed can be exhausting!

Anyway, as a detached, objective observer, it's been fun - and more than a little strange - watching Arizona Cardinals fans behave.

Yes, Cardinal Fever has swept across the valley like so many tumbleweeds, but it's hard to take it too seriously. The guy driving in front of me in the Chevy Suburban - a road behemoth that was decked out in Cardinals red and featured no fewer than a half-dozen Cardinals flags - almost surely was not so feverish about his heroes just a few months ago.

The fans here aren't much like Steelers fans (or Bears fans, Eagles fans, Giants fans, etc., etc., etc.). Fans of those teams had little choice. Their fathers and grandmothers and uncles and older sisters worshipped those teams, so they simply had to worship them, too. Through good times and bad, they were Steelers fans (and Bears fans, Eagles fans, Giants fans, etc.) ... period.

Cardinals fans? Most grew up in other parts of the country rooting for other teams. And most kept rooting for their favorite teams after moving to the Valley of the Sun - all but ignoring Bill Bidwell's unlovable losers.

Indeed, fans here had Cardinal Fever only in the sense that they were sick of having to watch that awful team Sunday after Sunday, season after season, when they would have rather been watching their Jets or their Packers or - gulp! - even their Bengals.

This is just a generalization, of course, because I'm sure there are some diehard fans of Arizona's pro football franchise. Just not many.

Now, well, the bandwagon overfloweth.

Perfect weather and a Super Bowl team for a bunch of Cardinal Come Lately fans? Somehow, it just doesn't seem fair.

Scrawl-Line Cubbie Blues

About 1,000 times a day, ESPN runs a little bottom-of-the-screen line stating that the Cardinals franchise's 61-year championship drought is the second-longest in major professional sports.

The Balder Truth

I was dead-wrong about Kurt Warner.

Several years ago, when the Bears were looking for a QB to back up future star Rex Grossman, I wrote that Warner would be the wrong choice. He was too old. He seemed washed up. His wife, Brenda, was a bit of a pain in the posterior. He wanted to compete for the starting job and it would do the Bears no good to stunt Grossman's growth as a QB.

Blah blah blah. I had reasons galore ... and, in retrospect, pretty much every one of them was foolish.

My only solace: I wasn't alone. Bears honchos Jerry Angelo and Lovie Smith, who were paid slightly more than I was to be right about such things, also gave Warner the big thumbs-down. Warner was rejected by numerous other GMs and coaches, too.

What a bunch of dopes all of us were.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

So now here it is ... prediction time.

I really, really want to pick the Cardinals because they are such a cool story. You have Warner, one of the NFL's all-time underdogs. You have a defense that came out of nowhere to become formidable. You have dozens of players who are anonymous to fans outside of Arizona (and, methinks, to quite a few fans in Arizona). You have Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin; it's pretty easy to envision those world-class receivers dancing repeatedly in the end zone.

Plus, there's the whattayagottolose factor. If I pick the Cardinals and they win, wow, what a great upset call. And if they lose, hey, it was worth a try.

Having said all that ...

I can see the Steelers' defense making life absolutely miserable for Warner, smothering him, taking away his passing lanes, roughing up those star receivers, making the Cardinals one-dimensional by completely shutting down the running game.

I also can see Willie Parker running wild against the Arizona D and, as a result, Ben Roethlisberger connecting on game-changing deep passes.

From top to bottom, the Steelers are the better, more experienced, more fundamentally sound team. They are far and away the better defensive team, and defense wins championships, right? As romantic as it is to say "Anything can happen" - the Cardinals' presence in Tampa is evidence of that - the best team usually does prevail on the biggest stage.

And so ...

Steelers 27, Cardinals 17.

Go ahead, Kurt Warner. Prove me (and about a zillion others) wrong one more time.
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