Today's High Five - Lockouts and Lions and Bears, oh my!

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5. Now that's the Albert Pujols I remember.

4. How embarrassing for Jerry Angelo. The Bears GM makes Jay Cutler the centerpiece of his offense and then surrounds the QB with so many bad players Cutler doesn't stand a chance.

The Bears have had one of the league's worst offensive lines for years -- and this might be their saddest group of matadors yet. And if you google "mediocre receiving corps," the first 10 pages are about the Bears. (OK, that's hyperbole. Only the first 9 pages are about the Bears.)

Equally embarrassing: Offensive mastermind Mike Martz has absolutely no clue how to craft plays that actually might give Cutler a chance.

You know, if Cutler wasn't so unlikeable, I'd feel sorry for the guy.

3. It's mid-October. The Lions are undefeated. What are you gonna tell me next? That a black guy is one of the leading GOP presidential candidates?

2. All the great black and Latino personalities involved in baseball, and TBS honchos can't find a single one of them to put on their pre- and post-game show?

1. Unable to come reach a new collective bargaining agreement with its players, the NBA canceled the first two weeks of the season. Tens of fans howled in protest.

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Today's High Five: Michael Jordan, Quitter Palin, Brett Favre, Steve Jobs and more

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5. Back in 1998, NBA owners thought they had a deal with players in time to save the entire season. Then an influential block of players -- mainly, those controlled by Michael Jordan's "superagent," David Falk -- nixed the deal. The lockout continued until a desperately negotiated agreement was followed by a sham 50-game season.

Flash forward to 2011. NBA owners, saying they are losing so much money it would make Mike Tyson's head spin, again have locked out their players. Once again, the start of the season is in jeopardy. Once again, prominent agents are threatening to scuttle any chance of an agreement.

This time, though, it is Jordan -- now the Bobcats owner -- who is crying poor. He says he and other owners of small- and mid-market franchises can't accept any new deal that doesn't include major concessions from the players.

Hmmm. I wonder what MJ the player (and his bobo, Falk) would have said about such a demand from MJ the owner?

In a related note ...

My son Ben, a Bulls season-ticket holder, is thrilled the league has canceled its entire exhibition season because now he'll get a full refund for those fake games.

The way the NBA, NFL and NHL force fans to buy tickets to make-believe games is borderline extortion.

Of course, nobody (not even Gilbert Arenas) held a gun to Ben's head, forcing him to buy season tickets.

4. Too bad Sarah Q. Palin, queen of the cash grab, formally announced she isn't running for president.

She had as much chance of getting elected as I do, and the comedy value of her bid would have been priceless.

3. Rather than congratulating Aaron Rodgers for leading the Packers to the championship and becoming one of football's best QBs, Brett Favre told an Atlanta radio station that Rodgers "just kind of fell into a good situation" and should have won a Super Bowl sooner.

This from a guy who, despite having outstanding talent around him most of his career, won all of four playoff games in his last 13 seasons. (Rodgers won four playoff games last season alone.)

Now that you've finally gone away, Brett, please shut the hell up.

2. I'd consider joining the Charlotte branch of Occupy Wall Street if I could figure out exactly what Occupy Wall Street stands for. Seriously.

1. Steve Jobs, the Apple founder who on Wednesday succumbed to pancreatic cancer after a long and brutal fight, was one of the world's most innovative men. One of the wealthiest, too. Even with all that money and fame, however, he couldn't stay alive.

He was only 56 years old.

Rich or poor, famous or anonymous, brilliant or stupid, happy or sad, beautiful or ugly, funny or serious, good or evil ... Death simply doesn't care.

Death gets all of us, whether or not we "deserve" to be gotten.

I think I've been trying to live life to its fullest, but maybe I need to try a little harder.

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Random ramblings: Rosie O'Donnell's figure or Michele Bachmann's mind?

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The last time the Brewers won a division title, I had just graduated from Marquette. As an AP intern in Milwaukee, I got to cover their run to the World Series. How long ago was that? Well, I had a full head of dark, thick, curly hair.

There are four unbeaten NFL teams. Three of them are the Lions, Bills and Redskins. Just as you predicted, right?

Mike Vick is accusing refs of treating him like a dog.

President Obama says all those doo-doo head Republicans have to stop the partisan bickering.

If Illinois is one of the nation's 25 best college football teams, Rosie O'Donnell is one of the nation's 25 sexiest women.

With Jermichael Finley and Ryan Grant healthy again and reminding us how good they are for the undefeated Packers, the top sports story of 2011 had to be that Green Bay won the Super Bowl without them -- and a dozen other players who were hurt most of the year. Pretty much kills any excuse any team in any sport can make for having a lousy season. Forever.

If the president of the United States never had to think or talk, Rick Perry-Michele Bachmann would be just the ticket.

As impressive as the Cardinals' comeback has been, the Braves' choke job has been even moreso. It takes a special team to blow a 10 1/2 game lead in a month.

Tiger Woods has a new caddie. In less important golf news, Bill Haas won some tournament in which Woods didn't play.

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Today's High Five -- 9/11, tea party and lots of sports

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5. If you didn't know much about the tea party, you learned all you needed to know about it during one particular moment in Monday's tea-party sponsored GOP presidential debate:

Ron Paul was talking about personal responsibility (an admirable goal, of course), when moderator Wolf Blitzer presented him with an example of a 30-year-old man who chose to stop paying hundreds of dollars a month for health insurance. In Blitzer's example, something happened to the man and he needed expensive treatment in ICU. Would the man be entitled to hospital care? As Paul, a physician before he was a congressman, again tried to talk about personal responsibility, Blitzer interrupted and asked: "So you'd let him die?"

Several of the tea partiers in the audience shouted: "Yes!" or "Yeah!" and then dozens more clapped and cheered.

Paul then twisted uncomfortably as he avoided a direct answer. (Later, tea party darling Michele Bachmann also completely avoided answering the question, one of her favorite debate tactics.)

This was not a trick question by the "gotcha" media. This was an example of something hospitals face multiple times every single day: uninsured patients needing serious medical care. Currently, taxpayers foot the bill -- a hefty bill because neither market forces nor the government keep health costs low.

The tea party, remember, wants government out of the lives of every individual. Personal choice is the thing. Hmmm. I wonder if most tea partiers feel the same about women's reproductive choices?

(And let's not forget that the single loudest cheer at the first GOP debate came in support of Rick Perry's declaration that he was proud of being the governor who has executed the most criminals. Never mind that today's science has produced numerous cases of wrongly accused people on death row being exonerated years later by DNA evidence. Rick Perry and his ilk are not about to let science trump the pitchforks-and-torches emotion that fuels much right-wing dogma.)

4. An inordinate number of football fans, be they rabid followers or casual observers, actually believe Rex Grossman is one of the worst QBs ever. Please.

Statistically, he actually has been mediocre, with slightly more career TDs than interceptions and slightly more wins as a starter than losses. And he has had flashes of excellence.

When the Bears went to the Super Bowl a few years ago, they got off to a great start in great part because Grossman arguably was the league MVP that September. He went on to have several horrific games before making some big plays in two playoff victories and then playing poorly in the Super Bowl.

Grossman often makes stupid decisions but he does have some talent, as he displayed again in leading the Redskins to an enormous season-opening upset of the Giants with 305 yards, 2 TDs and zero picks.

Look, I'm not saying Rex Grossman ever will be confused with Peyton Manning, Dan Marino or the guy to whom he once -- ridiculously -- was compared, Brett Favre.

All I'm saying is that there have been hundreds of QBs worse than Grossman -- a disproportionate number of whom have played for the Bears.

3. The most interesting story so far this college season has been Notre Dame's ability to lose in the most inventive, exciting fashion.

2. Brave of tennis' governing body for coming down hard on Serena Williams, who repeatedly and unjustifiably berated an umpire during the U.S. Open women's final. The penalty:

A $2,000 fine.

Let's see ... 2 grand to Serena Williams is the same as how much to you and me? A penny? Maybe less?

In the famous words of John McEnroe: You cannot be serious!

(By the way, McEnroe might actually be a better TV commentator than he was a tennis player. And those of us lucky enough to have seen him play know that is a supreme compliment.)

1. I spent the weekend in Asheville with my wife. We took in some sights, did a lot of walking, ate well, enjoyed a beverage or three and just enjoyed each other's company.

The subject of the 10th anniversary of 9/11 did come up, but we didn't talk about it much.

Some would label me unpatriotic for admitting this.

Fact is, just as I don't wait until my wedding anniversary to think about how much I love my wife, I don't need the anniversary of a terrorist plot to make me remember that horrible day or to think about how lucky I am to be an American.

I feel for the thousands upon thousands upon thousands of people affected by the events of 9/11/01. The best way to honor their memory would be by fixing what ails our country now.
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Snow job by the prez? Perhaps, but other side's not getting people working either

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I liked most of the ideas in President Obama's jobs speech, and I liked his delivery, but ...

I had to laugh at the make-believe accounting he must have been using to guarantee the American public that the initiatives actually would be fully paid for.

Sometimes I wonder if he believes what he's saying.

Then again, even if you hate Obama, hate the Democrats and hate everything the president had to say, can you show me a credible job-creating suggestion made by anybody from either side of the aisle?

And no, cutting taxes for huge corporations in hopes that they use those savings to hire people -- instead of to pay their CEOs more and to line their pockets -- isn't the least bit credible.
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The Scorecard (were the Republican presidential debate the first round of a long golf tournament)

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MITT ROMNEY -2

He had the most to lose, having been surpassed by newcomer Perry in just about every poll, but he was reasoned, reassuring and most Reagan-like. He did a decent job of reassuring conservatives while establishing himself as a viable choice for independents in the general election. He didn't card a spectacular score -- he was no Tiger or Jack -- but he avoided double-bogeys, even when the subject was Romneycare, and had a couple of nice birdies.

NEWT GINGRICH ... JON HUNTSMAN ... HERMAN CAIN ... RICK SANTORUM Even

Gingrich started poorly -- all but coming out and saying he'd refuse to debate because he wanted to take on Obama, not his fellow Republicans -- but he rallied by making several good points on the economy. Huntsman seemed likable, mature and knowledgeable, and he nicely hammered home his record as Utah governor (a point nobody challenged). Cain quickly made solid conservative points, especially his 9-9-9 tax plan. Santorum stuck to the issues and sounded both compassionate and conservative. Unfortunately for these men, each entered the night so far off the lead he needed to shoot a course record just to get back in the running. Par wasn't nearly enough.

RICK PERRY +1

Some pundits have declared Perry the biggest loser because of his intractable stance on Social Security and his admitted faux pas on his executive order mandating HPV vaccines for pre-teens. He also stumbled and looked shaky on a couple of answers. However, his job in these debates is to secure the GOP nomination, and it's doubtful that he scared off his base with this performance.

RON PAUL +3

I want to like Ron Paul. I do like a lot of what he says, especially about the idiocy of using our troops for nation-building thousands of miles away from home. But he came across as desperate and more than a little wacky. His accusation that some TSA agents are practically sexual predators was precious, though.

MICHELE BACHMAN +5

She was asked six questions and answered only two of them -- and one of those answers came only after the moderator repeated his question and demanded she answer. Frankly, she seemed out of her league, and this after such a strong performance in the first debate. With Perry now in the race, she quickly will be deemed unnecessary by her base. Too bad ... she's often such a fun sound bite.

Five more points:

1. It's early, yes, but based on what I know about the candidates right now, I could see myself voting for either Romney or Huntsman over Obama. I can't imagine any circumstance that would lead me to vote for Perry. And I like to think that I am the exact kind of independent voter the eventual GOP nominee should want to court.

2. Was it only me, or did it seem pretty contrived to invite the Telemundo reporter to ask the immigration questions?

3. I would have liked a question relating to Ronald Reagan raising taxes 11 times and the debt ceiling 18 times during his eight years as president. Is it possible that in today's GOP, Reagan would be dismissed as too far left?

4. It was refreshing that the debate avoided pandering to the religious right and that there was very little kowtowing to the tea party. Thank you, candidates.

5. Before the festivities, I watched The Colbert Report from the previous night. Stephen's guest was Tim Pawlenty, who was funny, intelligent, engaging, self-deprecating and confident. If only that Tim Pawlenty had run for president -- instead of the one who did a disservice to his own beliefs and to his admirable record as Minnesota governor by trying desperately to please tea-partiers -- he might still be in the race. How about Vice President Pawlenty on the GOP ticket? They could do a lot worse.
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Thankfully, CEOs won't lose bonuses to any tax hike!

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Through their incompetence, intransigence or both, the fools and thieves in charge of our government have socked us with a financial penalty worse than any 100 tax hikes.

The lead-up to and aftermath of the Debt Ceiling Follies have resulted in trillions of dollars in lost wealth, and not just for the wealthy. I'm certainly not rich and I've probably suffered six-figure losses in my retirement accounts these past two weeks.

I say "probably" only because I'm too depressed to take a long look at my accounts and tally the actual damages.

As a moderate who believes in the wonders of compromise, I'd love to blame the tea partiers for all of this ... but I can't, even if they are the drivers of the U.S.S. Insanity. Incredibly, some of these line-in-the-sand yahoos are still complaining that they only got 99 percent of what they wanted.

The gutless "regular" Republicans couldn't think for themselves and let a minority of extremists in their ranks dictate the dialogue. I'm still waiting for one working-class (or unemployed) Republican to adequately explain why he or she would support GOP politicians who so obviously could give a rat's rear about anybody but the richest 3 percent of society.

Did I say 3 percent? Sorry. I meant 1 percent.

The even more gutless Democrats, meanwhile, routinely get pantsed by their rivals because they aren't tough enough. They could have prevented all this from happening by acting on the debt ceiling last December, when they had vast legislative majorities, but they were immobilized by fear. As for Barack Obama, what does the man stand for? More than 2 1/2 years into his presidency, I wish I knew.

It might take years for us to recover the savings we've lost in just the last few weeks -- and, despite Rick Perry's pathetic Prayer-A-Palooza over the weekend -- the fall is far from over.

But hey, at least our elected leaders managed to prevent the elimination of tax loopholes for corporate jet owners and hedge fund managers. The Republic is saved!
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LeBron's tears, Bo's jeers and a Tea-Bagger's Marquette "career"

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Several Heat players were crying in the locker room after Sunday's home loss to the Bulls.

Sources say LeBron and Dwyane handed each of the weepers a hundy to dry their eyes.

In other basketball news, kudos to the marketing folks at The Ohio State University for their brutally brilliant response to Bo Ryan's unapologetic suggestion that Buckeyes star Jared Sullinger just "deal with it" after Wisconsin fans supposedly spat on him last month.

Before Sunday's rematch in Columbus, some 1,400 students were given red towels emblazoned with the phrase DEAL WITH IT. Sullinger and the Buckeyes then dealt with the Badgers, rolling to a lopsided win to wrap up a 29-2 regular season and Big Ten title.

Word is, Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker was so impressed that he ordered 50,000 of the towels to give to teachers in his state.

A day earlier -- the same day that my beloved Golden Warrior Eagles fell apart in a must-win game at Seton Hall -- I learned that Walker was a fellow Marquette alumnus. I was pretty depressed until just a little research revealed that the Tea Party darling isn't really a fellow MU alum at all. See, to be an alum, one must have graduated.

When Walker dropped out after three-plus years, he was nowhere near getting his degree. Seems he had flunked and/or dropped too many classes. He simply couldn't hack it.

Amazing. I pretty much drank non-stop for four years and still got a Marquette degree -- and then landed employment in my chosen profession despite a job market statistically worse than the current mess Walker has helped foster.

Hell, even Chris Farley managed to get a degree at Marquette, and he was stoned approximately 23 hours a day.

Yep, leave it to a college dropout to try to torpedo teachers. The world's a crazy place, no?
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Repudiate this! And other election silliness

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Love the idea of the Tea Party. Really. As one of America's few TMs - True Moderates - I embrace anything that shakes up the business-as-usual partisan politics of the donkeys and elephants.

The notion of smaller government is a good one. I just wish more Tea Partiers had told me how they were going to make government smaller and cut my taxes while still funding everything that needs to be funded. They - like most of the politicians - were big on rhetoric, attack ads and scare tactics but small on legitimate ideas.

The easiest thing to do during campaigns is attack the incumbents. Offering actual solutions? There wasn't a whole lot of that. Now that a few Tea Partiers have gained positions of power, I will be very interested to watch how they proceed.

Will they spend most of their terms trying to get reelected? Will they pursue pricey (and ridiculous) earmarks for their constituents? Will they shake up the establishment or just become part of it?

Oh, and one more thing ...

Most conservatives, some right-leaning Dems and many pundits are saying the results of this election are a "repudiation" of Barack Obama and the first two years of his presidency. And they appear to be correct in many ways.

But that's not the only repudiation that took place Tuesday. It was a repudiation of dopey candidates, too.

The Dems can't nominate Alvin "The Chipmunk" Greene and expect to be anything but laughingstocks. And who knows what would have happened had conservatives not pushed Tea Party yahoos Witchstine O'Donnell in Delaware and Sharron Angle in Nevada? With legitimate candidates, the GOP probably would have gained control of the Senate, too.

(That's good news for us True Moderates. We like a balance of power.)

Finally, a note to O'Donnell and other dopes like her: God gets really ticked off when incompetent wannabes constantly invoke His name as part of their cause - especially when those wannabes sound like imbeciles.

Holy repudiation, Batman ... Witchstine done got smited at the polls.
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