Sucky Sunday for Panthers fans, but our day was still better than A-Roid's

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Only one of the four NFL teams that had a first-round bye and homefield advantage in this weekend's playoffs lost.

My team, the Panthers.

Their decisive loss to the 49ers capped a pretty lousy Sunday -- despite the fact that I spent most of it looking splendid in my Keyshawn Johnson #19 Panthers jersey circa 2006.

I had decided I wanted to watch the game with like-minded folks, so Roberta and I went to what I thought was a sports bar. We got there about 15 minutes before kickoff to find about 3 other people, none of whom seemed especially interested in the game.

That wasn't the vibe I wanted, so we left and went to an establishment I knew would be hopping. Getting there just before kickoff, the place was packed. So packed, there was not a single seat available. So we left to go to a place just a few minutes from where we live.

That place might have been even more packed than the previous establishment, so, with the game now well underway, we left and went to one just down the street.

That one had available seating in a room adjacent to the bar so we decided to stay. The place was fine. The burgers were fine. The beer was cold and cheap. The game was on. But most of the like-minded folks were at the bar a whole room away, so it didn't feel like much of an occasion at all.

And then the Panthers failed to score from the 1/2-yard line. And then they failed again. And then the 49ers took a halftime lead on a last-second TD. And then San Fran dominated the second half. And then Robbie and I went home halfway through the fourth quarter to watch the bitter end to what had been an extremely enjoyable season.

And then I took off my Panthers jersey until next season.

+++

At least I, unlike Alex Rodriguez, will have a "next season" to enjoy.

Sunday's 60 Minutes expose on A-Roid was fascinating. Yes, the primary witness against him is a sleazebag with a history of fabricating the truth. But I had to laugh when A-Roid's lawyer intimated that his client was more believable than the sleazebag. Interesting, given that A-Roid spent years and years lying about juicing, only admitting the truth after being caught.

A-Roid is an admitted serial liar and a proven cheat. But now we're supposed to believe him. Funny!

Is it sad that a guy who could have been among the greatest players in baseball history thought cheating was the only way to do it? Nah. Pathetic is a much better word.

I doubt the courts will help A-Roid overturn his suspension for the entire 2014 season. And if there truly is any justice, he will never play another inning in the majors.
^

Time again for this old hack to play ball

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There was a point between wanting to be a comedian and wanting to be a veterinarian that I actually wanted to be a basketball player when I grew up.

Then, as now, I wasn't very smart. But even I was smart enough to know a not-quite-6-foot Jewish kid with the speed of a plow horse and the leaping ability of a sumo wrestler probably wasn't going to be able to hang with the likes of Bob McAdoo and Jamaal Wilkes.

So I gave up on that dream -- and, soon enough, would give up on the idea of being a veterinarian when I discovered to my horror that I'd actually have to take science and math while going to college for something like eleventy-zillion years -- to become a writer.

No regrets ... but that doesn't mean I'm still not a wannabe jock. And these days, that means doing the few active things I can do and hopefully not get maimed in the process.

That was a long introduction to say this:

It's softball time again!

Yes, for the second straight year, I'm playing in the Charlotte Senior Sports softball league. The season just started but already I've seen my share of excitement. Believe it or not, the Sons of Pitches actually traded for me a couple of weeks before the opener. Hey, if Babe Ruth, Nolan Ryan and Jeff Bagwell weren't too good to be traded, neither was I!

Our manager, Pat, and his first-round draft choice, Tom, were major contributors on my championship team from last year and decided they wanted me as a teammate again.

For comic relief, I assume.

In reality, I'm pretty sure Pat acquired me because he and I had been among the only folks who regularly went out for a beer after games last season. I'm an OK ballplayer who is willing to play anywhere the manager wants, and I'm a team-first chatterbox who makes wise cracks to keep everybody loose, but really, all Pat wanted was his drinking buddy back.

So anyway, we played our first game of the season Tuesday. It was a back-and-forth affair that we lost 19-18 in the final inning. I played catcher and batted 10th, both of which were absolutely fine by me. A lot of people don't like catching, but I think it's fun to handle the ball on every play and maybe be on the receiving end of a huge play that can decide a game. As for where I bat in the lineup, I'd be worried about my team if I was placed too high in the order.

I was fine at the plate, with two singles, a walk and three runs. As one might guess looking at the score, we had several players who did as well or better than I did. We struggled some in the field, though, which will happen in a season opener. The other team didn't exactly flash a bunch of Gold Gloves, either.

Aside from the final result, it was a fun night -- even if I had to disappoint Pat and opt out of postgame libations. I've been battling a cold and I decided that NyQuil, not Stella Artois, should provide my alcohol for the evening.

Hopefully, next week will be a different story, both on the scoreboard and afterward.
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A-Roid & Dis-Grace battle for the bottom

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Mark Grace, long admired by Cubbieland denizens as a "good guy," is a convicted felon who soon will start serving a 4-month prison sentence. The former World Series hero -- not with the Cubs, of course, but with the Diamondbacks, for whom he began the title-winning rally in 2001 by singling off Mariano Rivera -- also has been fired from the Diamondbacks' broadcast crew.

This trouble stems from his second DUI in a 15-month span.

Now, some would argue that receiving a DUI doesn't necessarily remove Grace from "good guy" status. After all, lots of everyday folks do a little drinking, do a little driving and do a little getting caught.

I understand that, but here's the deal:

Grace has long been a party boy. Loves to drink and socialize. Is he an alcoholic? Probably, by definition, though I don't know for sure. What I do know for sure is that Grace made millions and millions of dollars as a ballplayer and also was getting paid handsomely as an analyst.

In other words, THE MAN CAN AFFORD A CAB!

While all this was playing out in Arizona, 2,000 miles away in Florida, Alex Rodriguez was one of several players who reportedly bought some performance-enhancing drugs within the last few years.

A-Rod, of course, is denying the accusation in very strong, "how dare anybody say such a thing" terms. It's very similar to the last time he denied a similar accusation, only to have to come clean and apologize for his transgression -- a transgression that very well could cost him Hall of Fame enshrinement down the line.

To say we have absolutely no reason to believe this proven liar and cheater is an understatement.

Now, who is "worse," A-Roid or Dis-Grace?

Alex Rodriguez cheated baseball, cheated fans, cheated kids who might have looked up to him and, in the end, cheated himself.

Mark Grace? He endangered every human being whose path he crossed when he drove his car under the influence of alcohol. He could have killed others and himself.

Given that, his transgression must be considered "worse."

That still doesn't mean Grace is a "bad guy." What it does mean is that he should spend some of his time in prison thinking about how he wants the second half of his life to play out.

He needs help, and I hope he gets it.
^

^
One of these years, I'll wisen up and stop picking against the Cardinals! (And stop picking the Braves, period.)

Both of my wonderful wild-card predictions were wonderfully wrong. The Orioles are even more mystifying than the Cards ... but we do have to thank them for guaranteeing we won't have to watch the Rangers lose the World Series again. As for the Rangers, what an epic fold down the stretch. In order, they frittered away the AL's best overall record, the West lead and their one playoff game.

At least I'm up in both division series. The Tigers, however, simply had to win. They lose Game 1 at home with Justin Verlander on the mound and they're toast. They have to consider it a positive sign to have won despite getting zip from Miguel Cabrera and Prince Fielder.

The Reds were more impressive, overcoming the early departure of Johnny Cueto to win in San Fran. Revenge of Dusty!
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Trying to remember how to have a ball

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Aside from the obvious -- my kids and my close friends -- the thing I miss the most about Chicago is baseball.

When I came to that realization, it surprised me a little. After all, I'm neither a Cubs fan nor a White Sox fan ... and, in fact, I spent the a good part of my 16 years there making fun of both teams.

(OK, I made lots more fun of the Cubbies. For 100-plus obvious reasons. But that's besides the point.)

Looking back, there was something cool about waking up every summer morning knowing there was going to be a game in my town that afternoon or evening. And as one who made a living chronicling the adventures of Ozzie, Sammy, Paulie and Gracie, it truly was comforting, too.

Here in Charlotte, we don't have baseball. Even the Triple-A team plays in a suburb across the border in South Carolina. I'd call the Knights an afterthought, but that would be insulting afterthoughts everywhere.

Fortunately, I can follow baseball pretty easily. On any given night, there are a half-dozen games being aired on some combination of ESPN, MLB, WGN and the various regional sports channels on my cable package.

Oh yeah, there's that InterWeb thingy, too. That comes in handy.

So anyway ...

This being the All-Star break -- and with another of Bud Selig's thrilling This Time It Counts All-Star Games in the books -- I thought I'd take a quick look at what we've seen to date and what we'll see in the season's second half.

FIVE BIGGEST STORIES SO FAR:

5. The Angels' season has been saved by a rookie (Mike Trout) who makes roughly a zillionth as much money as the guy who was supposed to save them (Albert Pujols).

4. The NL East has become the Bizarro Division, with the Nationals rolling to a 4-game lead over the Braves ... and a 14-game lead over the Phillies.

3. Statistically, two-time Cy Young Award winner Tim Lincecum is the worst pitcher in the major leagues. Somehow, his Giants are in a dead heat with the Dodgers atop the NL West.

2. Pitchers great (Matt Cain) and not so great (Phil Humber) threw perfect games, and three other guys threw no-hitters, but it was a guy who could "only" throw a couple of one-hitters, R.A. Dickey, who knuckled his way into the headlines the most.

1. The Pirates are in first place. Repeat: The Pittsburgh Effin Pirates are in first place!!

NL FIRST-HALF MVP BALLOT:

5. Melky Cabrera. Batting .356 for a Giants team with nary another .300 hitter.

4. Carlos Beltran. 20 HR, 65 RBI for Cardinals. Albert Who?

3. David Wright. I thought the Mets would be anchored in last place by now.

2. Joey Votto. The Big Red Hitting Machine.

1. Andrew McCutchen. You did get the memo that the Pittsburgh Effin Pirates are in first place, right?

AL FIRST-HALF MVP BALLOT:

5. Mike Trout. Albert's Angels were wound too tight until the kid showed 'em how to have fun again.

4. Paul Konerko. Once again, Mr. Dependable on the South Side.

3. Robinson Cano. A swing of beauty for the Yankees.

2. Miguel Cabrera. After a slow start, the Tigers are right there.

1. Josh Hamilton. Duh.

FIVE THOUGHTS HEADING IN THE SECOND HALF:

5. I admit I was skeptical at first, but I'm loving the idea of the second wild-card team. There finally is real incentive to winning a division vs. being a wild-card team, and this situation sets up potentially incredible races between the Rangers and Angels; the White Sox and Tigers (sorry Indians; I'm not feeling ya); the Pirates and the rest of the NL Central; and, especially, the Dodgers and Giants. If I'm gonna criticize The Commish for his silly ideas, I have to praise him for his good ones.

4. Cubbieland needs to let Anthony Rizzo be the 22-year-old rookie and not ask him to be the next Tyler Colvin. Because ridiculous expectations didn't work out so well for the last Tyler Colvin.

3. I wouldn't bet against Pujols finishing with 30 HR, 100 RBI and a postseason berth. Someday before his contract expires, he'll be mediocre. Someday, however, is still lots and lots and lots of days away. (Meanwhile, someday seems to have arrived for Alex Rodriguez. Hey, nobody ever said life without HGH would be easy.)

2. Really looking forward to Robin Ventura matching wits with Jim Leyland down the stretch.

1. Nats vs. Pirates in the NLCS! Crazy? Impossible? Well, the Twins and Braves each finished in last place in 1990, a year before they met in the best World Series I've ever seen.

Eleventh heaven for Comeback Cards

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Congratulations to the Cardinals, who now have won 11 World Series since the Cubbies last won one.

Oh, and six since the Cubs last appeared in one.

Not that anyone's counting.

Then there's this: The last two years have brought championship rings to Mike Fontenot and Ryan Theriot, the erstwhile DP combo of Lou Piniella's 0-for-the-postseason Cubs. They joined the likes of Mark Grace, Greg Maddux and countless others who only needed to escape Cubbieland to win the World Series.

But enough about what the Cubs aren't -- and haven't been for more than a century.

The Cardinals showed that if you have any amount of talent at all, it is a crime against your fans and all of Major League Baseball if you start selling off your ballclub piecemeal.

Jerry Reinsdorf should be jailed for larceny or treason or something for the way he quit on the White Sox in July 1997 ... and that is one of just dozens of examples.

It's a curious thing. Every season, every team that falls five or eight or 10 games out is urged by their own fans to trade top talent -- even though more than a third of the season still must be played.

Why? For the future.

We are a culture that hates quitters. Yet somehow, we try to frame this as: It's OK to quit today if it might help tomorrow. Weird.

Yes, in many cases it is justified. For example, the Pirates' annual salary purge makes sense because they simply don't have enough talent to overcome a deficit.

All too often, though, a team gives up way too soon -- depriving its fanbase of any shot at the kind of stirring comeback pulled off by these Cardinals, as well as this year's Rays, the 2007 Rockies, the 1978 Yankees, the 1969 Mets, etc.

It was a great World Series ... and I thank the Cardinals for making it possible by not joining the long list of quitters and losers.

^

A Series worth staying awake for

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The problem with the Cardinals and the Rangers is their games are so doggone boring!

And how 'bout that David Freese? After he dropped a popup that every Little Leaguer catches 100 out of 100 times, my wife turned to me and asked: "What the hell? Is the fix in?"

Nah, Freese was just setting himself up to be the hero two hours later. He trumped God, who apparently told Josh Hamilton he was gonna homer in the 10th inning. I wonder how much dough God lost on this one.

Oh, and for the record ... in the ninth inning, I thought the Rangers should have pitched to Albert Pujols instead of to the hottest hitter in the world. Lance Berkman made Tony La Russa's decision to bat him fourth look absolutely brilliant. Before we give La Genius too much credit, though, it should be noted that it took him six games to come to his senses and finally put Berkman in the Pujols-protecting spot in place of Matt Holliday -- who has killed the Cards with his bat and glove all Series.

I'm looking forward to tonight's Game 7. I just hope that FOX somehow can be convinced to show a few shots of Nolan Ryan in the stands. I mean, we've hardly seen any of those so far.

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Cardinals in 7 still a real possibility ... if history is an accurate guide

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The last two times the Cardinals went this deep in a World Series, I had the honor of covering both.

In 1982, I was a puppy in the profession, just out of Marquette, working in Milwaukee and trying to nail down a full-time gig with AP. I had the great fortune of that being the one year the Brewers went to the World Series. What an assignment! The Brew Crew took a 3-2 lead, sending the Series back to St. Louis, where the Cards won two straight to take the title.

In 1987, I was still a relative youngster -- still had a rather robust head of hair, even -- and was the AP sports guy in Minneapolis. The Cardinals won Game 5 at home to take a 3-2 lead but in the visitor's clubhouse, the Twins were farting and drinking and acting as if they were in some kind of Beer League. It was their way of dealing with the stress and staying loose. They ended up going home and winning two straight at the Metrodome to take the title. To this day, I've never heard a louder crowd than the throng at the Metrodome when Kent Hrbek hit a go-ahead homer in Game 6.

So, if history repeats, the team going home down 3-2 wins whenever the Cardinals go this deep in a World Series. Which, this time, would be the Cards.

Once the rain stops, let's see if Tony La Russa doesn't out-think himself, if his pitching can hold up for two more games and if Albert can start earning the bazillions he is about to get on the open market.

Of course, the Rangers might have something to say about all of that, too.

^

Albert's other 3 games. Also: ESPN announcing follies

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The Bald Truth

Albert Pujols is one of the best hitters of any era. Any team would love to have him.

That being said, his World Series has consisted of one monster game ... and three others in which he went a combined 0-for-10. His Cardinals lost two of those three while scoring four total runs.

So let's be content with calling Albert merely great, and let's hold off on the comparisons to Babe Ruth, Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky and Joe Montana, OK?

The Balder Truth

The Fraudulent Illini started the season 6-0 ... and very well could finish 6-6. But hey, at least they're bowl eligible! Time to extend Ron Zook's contract another five years.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

It would be hard to find a more entertaining sporting event than Saturday night's Michigan State-Wisconsin game, which featured numerous amazing plays and ended with a desperation TD heave that required several minutes of replay reviews before the Spartans were declared victorious.

The game -- especially the finish -- was so fantastic that it's a shame normally outstanding announcers Brent Musburger and Kirk Hirbstreit fell flat at the end.

Musburger kept calling the winning play a "miracle," as if he knew firsthand that God was getting Sparty and the points over Bucky Badger.

And Herbstreit offered this meaningless drivel disguised as analysis: "It comes down to a battle ... to see who wanted to win the game more."

Does Herbstreit really think Michigan State wanted the game more? Do people really think the Rams wanted to win the 2000 Super Bowl more than the Titans but didn't particularly want it two years later when they lost to the Patriots?

Such a declaration supposes something nobody possibly could know. While meant to praise the winner, it's a ringing indictment of the loser: If only he (or she or they) had just wanted it more.

It's a cliche, it offers no insight and Herbstreit knows better.

I mean, how many championships did he win as Ohio State QB? What's wrong? Didn't he want it badly enough?

^

Letting his bat do his talking

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Bingo ... bango ... bongo. I guess this means Albert Pujols is forgiven for misplaying a cutoff throw and then not talking to the press.

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Today's High 5: World Series & more

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5. If the Rangers win their three home games to take the World Series (or, for that matter, if the Cardinals win three straight on the road) and if Albert Pujols then leaves St. Louis as a free agent ... his final act in Cardinals white was his failure to handle a routine cutoff throw, a screw-up that cost his team Game 2.

4. As Pedro Martinez might say: Allen Craig is Alexi Ogando's daddy.

3. Once again, Tony La Russa used every reliever this side of Jason Isringhausen, Dennis Eckersley and Ed Farmer. This time, his mechanizations didn't work. Once again, Ron Washington spent the entire game standing on the top step of the dugout, constantly smacking his lips on something or other. This time, his Rangers prevailed. Managers, schmanagers. It pretty much always comes down to the players either doing their jobs or not.

2. The other day, TV picked up on Jay Cutler telling Mike Martz to go fornicate himself. Where was Cutler when John Shoop was running the Bears' offense?

1. Still light years apart on the main issues, the NBA's billionaire owners and their locked-out multimillionaire players have suspended negotiations -- jeopardizing the entire season. Basketball fans will be fine; college hoops is far more entertaining anyway. I'm much more worried that Cristal and Bentley sales will crater, dealing yet another blow to our fragile economy.

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Mr. Prediction strikes again

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Cardinals in 7.

Which, given my track record this postseason, probably means Rangers in 5.

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Welcome to Cubbieland, Theo Epstein!

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Andy MacPhail built two World Series winners in Minnesota, came to Chicago as the Cubbieland Savior and oversaw an absolute trainwreck before he was run out of town.

Jim Hendry was lauded for rebuilding the Cubs' minor-league system and then, when he succeeded MacPhail as GM, for pulling off remarkable deals. However, few top prospects amounted to anything, he banked too heavily on the likes of Milton Bradley, Aaron Miles and Carlos Zambrano, and he's now an ex-GM.

Lou Piniella, Dusty Baker, Don Baylor and Jim Riggleman were widely regarded as the best available managers at the time the Cubs hired them. That was especially true for Piniella and Baker, men with big personalities who had been big winners at previous stops. In short order, all four were sent packing -- not as Cubbieland Saviors but as miserable losers.

Rudy Jaramillo, often called the best hitting coach in the world, arrived in Cubbieland before the 2010 season. He has been a big part of two horrendous campaigns, and many of the hitters under his tutelage have regressed. Meanwhile, the Texas organization he left behind has become a juggernaut in his absence.

And all that happened only during my 16 years covering the Cubs.

For more than a century, Cubbieland Saviors have arrived with brilliant credentials and sterling reputations. And they have left with the baseball equivalent of toe tags.

OK, Theo Epstein ... you've got next.

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Taking a baseball mulligan

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I was 2-2 in my first-round baseball predictions, picking the Tigers' upset of the Yankees and the Brewers' triumph over the D-Backs but not the Cards' stunner over the Phils. I also missed on my Rays-Rangers upset choice. Time to reload for the next round ...

I'm kind of glad the Rangers won Game 1 of the ALCS because now I won't appear to be a frontrunner when I pick the Tigers to win the series in 7 games.

Meanwhile, things already have gotten interesting in the NLCS, with Brewers Game 1 starter Zack Greinke calling Chris Carpenter a phony and the Cardinals criticizing the Brew Crew for being too demonstrative after every hit or good pitch. Carpenter likely will seem all-too-real on the mound, so the Brewers might want to wrap up the series before Carpenter can start a seventh game. It says here they will: Brew Crew in 6.

Gotta go now and eat some more after having fasted for Yom Kippur -- or as one of my gentile friends used to call it: "Instant Lent."

Ciao. Or in my case ... chow.

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Milton Bradley: 100th verse, same as the first

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Can't wait for Milton Bradley to end his silence and blame Lou Piniella, Cubbie fans and Chicago media for running him out of Seattle.
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Hall call was worth the wait for Blyleven, Alomar

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As a Baseball Hall of Fame voter, I'm often asked how it's possible that a BBWAA member fails to vote for a guy one year but then changes his/her mind 12 months later. After all, the perfectly sane argument goes, the player's stats didn't change during those 52 weeks.

The newest enshrinees announced Wednesday, Bert Blyleven and Robbie Alomar, exemplify why it happens ... and demonstrate that it even makes some sense.

This was Blyleven's 14th year on the ballot, meaning he'd have had only one more try after this one. I didn't vote for him his first 10 years but became a convert four years ago. For the longest time, I had trouble reconciling the fact that if the likes of Jim Kaat and Tommy John weren't in, why should Blyleven? The three had similar stats and similar impact on teams.

Over time, however, several fellow voters made reasonable cases for Blyleven, and I finally saw their points. They emphasized his strikeouts, complete games and two World Series rings, as well as the relative weakness of many of the teams on which he played. And they correctly said that just because Kaat and John didn't get the votes, that was no reason to take it out on Blyleven.

I am not the least bit ashamed that it took me 10 years to come around. Justice was served in the end. (And not David Justice ... he ain't getting in!)

Alomar was the best second baseman I ever saw and, for more than a decade, one of the great offensive catalysts in the game. I enthusiastically voted for him last year, his first on the ballot.

Several of my BBWAA colleagues who shunned him last year checked the box next to his name this time - and I have absolutely no problem with that. Keeping Alomar from being a first-ballot Hall of Famer was perfectly fitting punishment for a jerk who spat on an umpire.

As for other Hall tidbits ...

++ The only other player to earn my check mark this year, Jack Morris, got 53.5 percent of the vote - far short of the 75 percent every Hall of Famer needs. I fully respect the fact that Morris is a borderline case, a big-game pitcher with an excellent winning percentage who excelled for a decade but lacked an eye-popping win total and ERA.

++ The only other guys I seriously considered this time were Barry Larkin and Tim Raines. Maybe I'll change my mind about one or the other someday. Or maybe not.

++ Mercy! Harold Baines finally fell 2 votes shy of remaining on the ballot for future years. He simply isn't a Hall of Famer, despite the arguments on his behalf by my SouthtownStar buddy Phil Arvia.

++ Jeff Bagwell, Alan Trammell, Larry Walker, Dave Parker, Don Mattingly and Dale Murphy were all very good players for a very long time but it's unlikely that any will make the Hall. That shows how difficult it is to get in - which, of course, it should be.

++ Mark McLiar actually lost support from last year to this. Good. He did one thing well ... and did that well only because he made a pin cushion out of his buttocks for years and years. One-dimensional idiots do not belong in the Hall of Fame.

++ I can understand why some of my peers voted for Rafael Palmeiro, who had very good stats over the years (but was a juicer who rarely helped his teams succeed). That 30 of them voted for Juan Gonzalez, a steroid-swilling clown whose numbers relative to his era were unimpressive, is more of a head-scratcher.

++ Two voters checked the box next to B.J. Surhoff's name, one gave Bret Boone a vote and another chose Benito Santiago. Something there helps explain why both Dubya and Blago each got elected to major executive offices ... twice!
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Brain-dead Carlson bites Vick ... and other silliness

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The Bald Truth

When a person goes to jail, that should be it for him or her. No rehabilitation. No job. No loved ones. No home. No chance at a life once the sentence is served. No nothing.

At least that, apparently, is what Fox yahoo Tucker Carlson believes.

Angry that Barack Obama told Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie that ex-cons deserve the right to contribute to society, Carlson barked: "Michael Vick killed dogs, and he did (it) in a heartless and cruel way. I think personally he should have been executed for that."

Simply executed? Why not stoned to death in the village square?

For trying to imitate an insightful human being, Tucker Carlson should be sentenced to 20 years of having to watch Keith Olbermann on a continuous loop.

Indeed, a fate much worse than death.

The Balder Truth

Now that he has changed Sox, Bobby Jenks is saying Ozzie Guillen doesn't know how to manage a bullpen.

Hmmm. I seem to recall Ozzie running the White Sox bullpen quite well during the 2005 ALCS romp by letting his starters pitch four straight complete games.

Now shaddup, Bobby, and go eat another dozen doughnuts.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Once again, Rafael Palmeiro is saying he never took steroids. He is lobbying to get into the Hall of Fame. He has only a slightly better chance than fellow juicer Felix Heredia.

It's pretty sad when we're left having to believe Jose Canseco over everybody else in the whole juicing mess. Canseco insists he introduced both Palmeiro and Mark McGwire to steroids long ago - but not long before Palmeiro went from being slap-hitter to slugger.

Canseco is a scumbag, to be sure, but his 'roid-related accusations have been proven true over and over again.

McGwire spent most of two decades denying Canseco's claims -- and Big Mac had an army of apologists, led by Gen. Tony La Genius, marching right along with him into an ambush of humiliation.

I'm putting the over-under on Palmeiro's tearful confession at 12 years.
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Today's High 5

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5. NFL commish Roger Goodell loves to crack down big-time on players, even those who have paid their debts to society after acts that have nothing to do with football. Then, when he had the chance to lay down the law against that Jets strength coach who intentionally tripped a defenseless Dolphins player during a game, Goodell barely delivered a slap on the wrist. Instead of getting fired and barred from working in the NFL again - a punishment that would have fit a heinous football crime - the guy got suspended for a few games. Talk about a pathetic double-standard.

4. Thanks to the popped pimple that is the Metrodome, the Bears and Vikings will play next Monday at the University of Minnesota's new field. Beautiful. Two bad cold-weather teams forced to play in miserable conditions just a mile or so away from the domed stadium that turned the Viqueens into wimps in poor weather. Somehow poetic, no?

3. Is anybody with even half a brain still wondering why the Vikings didn't bench Brett Favre to play Tarvaris Jackson?

2. No matter what one thinks of Favre, his consecutive-games streak truly was one of the great accomplishments in sports history. Even if he needed performance-enhancing drugs (illegally obtained painkillers) to keep it going over the years.

1. Even Philly fans will have trouble booing Cliff Lee after he accepted significantly less - in both money and security - from their team while rejecting the Yankees and Rangers. Lee is a hero in Philly ... and he's still filthy, stinkin' rich. Makes you wonder why more athletes don't do this kind of thing.
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Today's High 5

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5. Donovan McNabb ... benched by Redskins genius Mike Shanahan ... and replaced by Rex Grossman ... with the game on the line. Hell hasn't merely frozen over; it has entered the cryogenics lab, right next to Ted Williams' head.

4. A ripple in the Journalism Force: The Charlotte Observer, now my hometown paper, didn't send its Bobcats beat reporter to Milwaukee for the third game of the season. A short AP story on the game appeared on Page 4 of the sports section. Again: This was only the third game of the season and the newspaper of record for one of the city's only two major professional sports franchises is pinching pennies instead of covering the story. That ticking you hear is the Newspaper Doomsday Clock.

3. Given Mike Fontenot's star power, it's stunning that so few people are watching the World Series.

2. While demonstrating a passing drill during my first practice as an assistant basketball coach, I tripped myself and went sprawling to the floor. The only thing with a bigger bruise than my right hip is my ego. This just in: Chevy Chase aside, it is impossible to look cool while falling.

1. Once upon a time, the Cowboys' biggest concern was that, before a playoff game, the quarterback was distracted by his pop-diva girlfriend. Now, the Cowboys are 1-6, the playoffs are an impossible dream and the QB is hurt. Yes, the Cowboys are a bigger disaster than Jessica Simpson's acting career.
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Ryan and Dubya will have Series to remember

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Just as I predicted before the season, it's Giants vs. Rangers for baseball supremacy.

Think of it as the Former Juicer Bowl, with Barry's Boyz taking on the club that gave us A-Roid, RaFail Palmeiro, Juan Gone and a cast of dozens.

Or think of it as the matchup of clubs named for New York teams in other sports.

Or think of it as Fox TV's nightmare. No Yankees, no Red Sox, no Dodgers ... and, of course, because it is the World Series, no Cubbies.

So who wins?

With Cliff Lee heading the rotation for a short series, the Rangers have almost as much pitching as the Giants do. And the Rangers have a far better offensive attack.

Then again, the Giants do have Juan Uribe - and I'm not even saying that just to be funny. The man is clutch in the postseason. (They also have Mike Fontenot, my wife's favorite ballplayer because he's the only major leaguer she can post up.)

So ... I'm going with Ron Washington. Just a few months after being disgraced as a cokehead, it would be quite a story if he manages the Rangers to the championship. Their best player, Josh Hamilton, is a recovering druggie, too. One of the things I love about sports is its redemptive nature.

In addition, a Texas triumph would give Nolan Ryan, who never even sniffed a title in his eight or so decades as a player, a championship in his first season as owner.

And it would signal that maybe all the U.S.A. needs to fully recover from the mess we're in is more distance from George W. Bush.

After all, it took the Rangers 16 years to overcome Dubya, their managing partner from 1989-94.

Add it all up and ... Rangers in 6.