Welcome to Cubbieland, Theo Epstein!

^

Andy MacPhail built two World Series winners in Minnesota, came to Chicago as the Cubbieland Savior and oversaw an absolute trainwreck before he was run out of town.

Jim Hendry was lauded for rebuilding the Cubs' minor-league system and then, when he succeeded MacPhail as GM, for pulling off remarkable deals. However, few top prospects amounted to anything, he banked too heavily on the likes of Milton Bradley, Aaron Miles and Carlos Zambrano, and he's now an ex-GM.

Lou Piniella, Dusty Baker, Don Baylor and Jim Riggleman were widely regarded as the best available managers at the time the Cubs hired them. That was especially true for Piniella and Baker, men with big personalities who had been big winners at previous stops. In short order, all four were sent packing -- not as Cubbieland Saviors but as miserable losers.

Rudy Jaramillo, often called the best hitting coach in the world, arrived in Cubbieland before the 2010 season. He has been a big part of two horrendous campaigns, and many of the hitters under his tutelage have regressed. Meanwhile, the Texas organization he left behind has become a juggernaut in his absence.

And all that happened only during my 16 years covering the Cubs.

For more than a century, Cubbieland Saviors have arrived with brilliant credentials and sterling reputations. And they have left with the baseball equivalent of toe tags.

OK, Theo Epstein ... you've got next.

^

Did Riggleman really do that?

^
Not sure if Jim Riggleman is a Turkey of the Year candidate for walking away from his Nationals managing job just as the team was getting halfway decent ... or if he deserves plaudits for standing up for what he believes, regardless of the consequences.

Riggleman thought the Nationals should have picked up the option year on his contract. He thought he deserved that much, and he's right. The team thought otherwise. So he quit.

No matter what you think of quitters, you have to agree that it takes cajones to walk away when things are pretty good. I mean, anybody can quit when things are rotten, as Jim Leyland and Lou Piniella have. Repeatedly.

I always liked Jim. When he was the Cubs' manager from 1995 to 1999, he was the ultimate straight-shooter. I can't imagine any manager handling the wild Sosa-McGwire season of '98 better than he did. Tony La Russa didn't handle it better, that's for sure.

Of course, La Russa had a great track record before that and has a great one since (despite being McLiar's enabler-in-chief). The same can't be said of Riggleman.

Still, Riggleman knows that everything in baseball is recycled. Even in the unlikely event that he never manages again, he'll be some team's third-base coach or bench coach as long as he wants to stay in the game.

Turkey? Nah. It's hard to resist a guy willing to tell his boss, "Take this job and shove it."
^

Kobe to Ubaldo and everything in between

^

Of course, Kobe Bryant isn't the player Michael Jordan was, but maybe now we can say Kobe is 5/6ths Michael's greatness level, right?

Phil Jackson = Best Coach Ever (regardless of sport). If anybody has some kind of objective measurement to prove otherwise, I'm all ears.

Ray Allen choked. If only he had asked: "What Would Jesus (Shuttlesworth) Do?"

Great run by a great guy, my old Marquette compadre Doc Rivers.

Life isn't fair. How else to explaim a knucklehead like Ron Artest winning a championship in his one L.A. season but Karl Malone failing to do so?

Now that the NBA has gotten its annoying championship series out of the way, the official Kiss LeBron's Rump season can start in earnest.

Meanwhile, at the U.S. Open ...

Methinks it's time for Ryo Ishikawa to give that outfit back to the retired Florida grandma he stole it from.

I'd really like to play Pebble Beach someday. I just want somebody else to pay for my round. And for the two dozen Pro-V1s I'd lose. Is that asking too much?

While many golfers wore short sleeves for Round 1, Tiger Woods donned a long-sleeved fleece. Not that I'm calling any man who has been known to have sex 10 times a day with 10 different women a wimp or anything.

Other stuff:

Saying there is no need for four or more preseason games per team, the NFL finally is admitting it has been fleecing fans for decades.

The White Sox swept the Pirates! For the Cubbies' benefit, I repeat: The White Sox swept the Pirates!

I thought I was watching the World Cup, but the game on my TV actually had a score that wasn't 1-0 or 0-0, so I now realize it must have been something else.

I wouldn't have believed that Kosuke Fukudome led the Cubs to victory if I hadn't witnessed it for myself. (READ THE STORY I WROTE FOR AP.)

Both the coolest first name in sports and the most talent at his position. I mean, how lucky is Ubaldo Jimenez?

Of Blackhawks, Pujols, Marquette memories and Cubbie angst

^

Took a break for a bit. It was tough to sacrifice the huge paycheck I usually get for my work here at TBT, but that's the kind of guy I am.

Anyway, a few random thoughts ...

+++ As impressive as the Blackhawks have been - which is plenty damn impressive - it's still too early to assume they'll beat the Flyers and win their first Stanley Cup in the Color TV Era. Many, many, many times throughout history, a team has gone up 2-0 only to lose a series. In fact, the Hull-Mikita-Tony O-Martin-Pappin-Stapleton Blackhawks of 1971 did just that. So I'd advise Blackhawks fans - both longtime loyalists and Pucky-come-latelies - to enjoy every moment, cheer on the lads and keep their playoff beards growing.

+++ Nice to see Mark McGwire fix Albert Pujols because, you know, Pujols was nothing before Big Mac saved his career.

+++ Ubaldo Jimenez = Bob Gibson. Except Jimenez is dominating from a regular-height mound in a hitter-friendly era.

+++ The Nationals have handled the Stephen Strasburg situation perfectly every step of the way. Folks who disagree understand neither modern Major League Baseball nor economics.

+++ Those who know me well know that I root for no pro teams. Still, I can't acknowledge the pending Celtics-Lakers championship series without wishing best of luck to my former Marquette colleague, Glenn "Doc" Rivers - surely one of the worst soccer players ever to take Charlie Nader's team sports class.

+++ The Pirates beat the Cubs 6 times in May. They beat the other teams on their schedule 5 times. If you're waiting for a punch line, I don't need to provide it. The Cubs already have.

+++ And speaking of punch lines ... Aramis Ramirez is only one hot streak away from hiking his batting average all the way up to .175.

Yes-yes for this no-no

^

Big-time kudos to the Rockies' Ubaldo Jimenez, the first pitcher with "BALD" in his name ever to throw a no-hitter!

It is Favre's life, isn't it?

^
The Bald Truth

Nobody likes a waffler, a flip-flopper, a dude who can't make up his stinkin' mind. But enough about Barack Obama and his health plan.

Seriously, why all the hate for Brett Favre?

Obviously, most folks in Minnesota are loving their newest Viking hero. And most people in Green Bay don't appreciate Favre now throwing for the enemy. And, of course, most Chicagoans would spit on Favre no matter his team (unless it was da Bears, my friend).

Otherwise, what's the big deal? Why are so many people so upset that Favre can't bring himself to walk away from the game he loves?

Michael Jordan felt some of the same hate way back when. So did Sugar Ray Leonard. It made no sense.

Once upon a time, we hated quitters. Now, apparently, we hate guys who won't quit.

If Favre ends up stinking up the Humptydome, that's his problem (and the Vikings' massive problem). He's the one taking the risk (though perhaps not as big a risk as Minny's taking).

Some would argue that he's just being selfish. Well ... duh! If you can name one pro athlete who isn't at least a little selfish - and three who aren't a lot selfish - I'll be very impressed.

Bottom line: If you retired from your job but almost immediately had misgivings, and then a different employer in the same field offered you big money, killer benefits and ideal working conditions ... I'm guessing you'd make a comeback, too.

And I, for one, wouldn't hate you because you waffled.

The Balder Truth

Viking fans haven't been this giddy since 1989, when an already good team brought in Herschel Walker as the final piece of its championship puzzle.

That turned out pretty well, no?

THE BALDEST TRUTH

And speaking of old jocks who keep on keeping on ...

Nice move by the Cardinals to pick up John Smoltz - and for a heck of a lot less money than the Vikings are paying Favre.

If Smoltz works out as the No. 5 starter, he could be the difference in the pennant race.

If he fails, he likely will not have been hit any harder than the other bottom-of-the-rotation noodle-arms the Cards have been trotting out there. In other words, the team probably will have been no worse off.

Besides, this is starting to feel like one of those stretches in which just about everything the Redbirds touch turns to gold.

So figure Smoltz for a few wins - no doubt backed by Matt Holliday homers, Mark DeRosa RBIs and Julio Lugo fielding plays.

Why, Tony La Russa will be so happy, he actually might think about smiling for a second.

Understand this, Joe: Don't shoot the A-Roid messenger

^

The List

Eight observations at the baseball season's one-month mark:

1. Hey, Joe Girardi, the Yankees need you to manage your ballclub, not the news. You might or might not win doing the former, but you sure as hell won't win trying to do the latter.

Girardi spent far too much of his Sunday ripping into Selena Roberts for writing a book about Alex Rodriguez and the publishers of "A-Rod" for moving up the release date after some of the book's passages were leaked to a New York tabloid.

"It's interesting how the book date got moved up," Girardi told the rabid New York press corps. "I don't understand why someone would write a book like this anyway."

Oh, please. Joe is Northwestern educated. He's a smart guy. He knows exactly why this book was written.

For one, because A-Rod, the highest-paid athlete in the history of team sports, sullied his name, his employers and his sport by taking steroids and repeatedly lying about it. For another, because the book will sell and make money for the publisher and for Roberts, a talented Sports Illustrated writer.

You know, money. That's the same reason Rodriguez plays baseball instead of working as an administrative assistant for a non-profit organization. The same reason, by his own admission, that he took 'roids in the first place. The same reason Girardi works as a manager for the Steinbrenners instead of working as a stockboy for a family that owns a chain of shoe stores.

As for the book date getting moved up ... hello! Again, money. Strike while the fire is hot. In November, most ballparks will be cold, but that didn't stop MLB from pushing this year's World Series into November - because of money.

Among other things, Roberts' book alleges that A-Roid took performance-enhancers since joining the Yankees - after he swore on a stack of syringes that he stopped juicing before he left Texas for New York. The book also suggests he took steroids back in his high school days.

Surely, A-Roid vehemently denied these ridiculous allegations once they became public, right?

Uh, no. He just said he wouldn't talk about them. Best not to be caught in more lies, I suppose.

"A-Rod" is important to baseball's history. And it will be one of the top selling books this year.

Surely, Northwestern Joe does understand all of that.

2. Pitchers should not try to leg out bunt hits. Carlos Zambrano did just that - not only tried but succeeded. The cost, however, could be high. The Cubs ace hurt his hamstring and will miss some starts.

His manager defended him for his aggressiveness, and I get where Lou Piniella is coming from, but really? He wants his $90 million pitcher doing this in an early-May game - especially when said pitcher has so much power that Lou has used him as a pinch-hitter repeatedly this season?

Next time, Lou, tell Cra-Z to swing the bat.

3. Cito Gaston had a reputation as a "push-button manager" his first time around in Toronto. So when the Blue Jays fired him a few seasons after he led a powerhouse team to consecutive championships, no other team was willing to hire him for an entire decade. 

Now Gaston is back running the Blue Jays and they are in first place. Once again, they have a high-scoring lineup, as well as one of baseball's best pitchers in Roy Halladay.

It must at least be possible that the manager is doing something right, no?

4. It's time for the White Sox to thank Jose Contreras for everything he did back in 2005 and then present him with lovely parting gifts.

No team needs an 83-year-old pitcher with an 8.31 ERA.

No contending team does, anyway.

5. Toronto, Kansas City, Seattle, Florida, St. Louis.

Well, maybe some of us at least picked the Dodgers to take the NL West.

(Not me, of course, but some of us.)

6. And speaking of surprises: Jason Marquis ... Colorado Rockies ... 4-1 ... 3.31 ERA. The Cubbie and Redbird reject has almost half of his team's wins. Wow.

7. Here's something a little less shocking: Albert Pujols is the best hitter in baseball. Period.

Based on what I've seen - dropped throws, failed scoops and muffed grounders - Pujols' fielding at first base is a little overrated. 

But there is nothing overrated about the man's .356 average, 9 homers and 29 RBIs for a surprise first-place Cardinals club.

8. Based on the early evidence, there is not one great team in the majors this season.

More than just a few bad ones, though.

Bulls get what they deserve: date with Celtics

^

The Bald Truth

Because I have so many better things to do than watch Bulls games on television - spend time with my family, send e-mails to friends, clip my toenails, pretty much anything qualifies - I only watched snippets of the Bulls' ridiculous and costly Wednesday night loss to the Raptors.

And in practically every snippet I watched, the Raptors were scoring on dunks and layups and wide-open 15-footers. 

The Bulls' loss (to a team that has been out of the playoff picture since November), combined with the 76ers' victory over a Cavs club that was resting everybody (including LeBron), means the Bulls will have to face Boston instead of Orlando in the first round of the playoffs.

Not that the Bulls were going to beat the Magic - I mean, if Patrick O'Bryant had his way with them, how badly would Dwight Howard have folded, spindled and mutilated them? - but they have no chance against the defending champion Celtics.

Yeah, but what if Kevin Garnett can't play or is limited in what he can do? Hello! Was KG on the court for Toronto? Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, Rajon Rondo and the rest of Boston's finest will be far more than the Bulls can handle. 

For the zillionth time, it's fair to wonder about Vinny Del Negro. 

The coach can't motivate his team to get up for an important home game against the Raptors? He can't do something - anything - to keep the Bulls from falling behind big in almost every game, a trend that will bury them in the playoffs? He can't get his lads to play even a lick of defense?

I'm not pinning this all on Vinny. It's not as if John Paxson has given Del Negro a great team. But an outstanding coach might be able to steal a playoff series with the Bulls' roster, and nobody will will mistake Del Negro for that. 

The Quote

"From the jump ball, we got outworked. They had better energy, moved the ball better. We couldn't get stops and didn't move the ball. They outhustled us on the glass. We were lackadaisical. I'm disappointed with our effort and our urgency ... " - Vinny Del Negro

As I was saying ...

The Prediction

Celtics in 5. Only because KG isn't 100 percent. And because I'm feeling generous.

The Balder Truth

It was Jason Marquis vs. Rich Harden - the pitcher the Cubs had to get because they couldn't trust Jason Marquis.

What a mismatch!

For the Rockies.

They got seven strong innings - and a two-run single - from Marquis in smacking Harden and the Cubbies all over Wrigley Field.

Those baseball gods have one heck of a sense of humor. 

On a different note, good stuff from Colorado manager Clint Hurdle. After Huston Street opened the ninth inning by allowing a homer, a walk and a single, Hurdle yanked his closer and went with Jason Grilli, who promptly earned the save.

Too often, managers let their closers go down in flames. Why? "Because he's my closer." Well, unless your closer is Mariano Rivera or a select few others, get somebody ready in the bullpen just in case. 

If your closer is too sensitive to handle that, he's not tough enough to be your closer anyway.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

So Chris Carpenter works like crazy to return from arm problems that would have ended a lot of pitchers' careers. He comes back, pitches great and gets Redbird rooters all excited about their heroes' chances. And then he strains the left side of his rib cage while swinging a bat?

I know I shouldn't feel sorry for the guy because he's got more money than the rest of us combined, but jeesh!

Oh, and speaking of the Cardinals, I'll be at Thursday's Cubs-Cards game making my glorious return as an AP scribe (although this time only as a freelancer). After all I've covered these last 27 years this probably sounds silly, but I actually am a little nervous.

Here's hoping it's the "good nerves" athletes are always talking about.

One-hit MLB wonders and all-time HBO hits

^

The List

I like and respect ESPN's Tim Kurkjian, but like all of us professional analysts, he sometimes says silly things. Just the other day, he told viewers that the Tampa Bay Rays can't possibly be one-hit wonders because teams rarely go from pennant winners one year to also-rans the next. 

Now, I'm not saying the Rays will be one-hit wonders, but you don't have to employ a team of investigative reporters to unearth recent Series-to-suckers examples.

Just to jog Mr. Kurkjian's memory, here are five one-hit wonders in the last decade alone:

1. 2007-to-08 Rockies. They never should have started putting baseballs in a humidor.

2. 2006-to-07 Tigers. See what happens when you sign every free agent the Yankees don't want.

3. 2005-to-06 Astros. Apparently, it's impossible to recover after losing a World Series to a Chicago team.

4. 2003-to-04 Marlins. While the Cubs are in their 101st year of championship-free baseball, the Marlins have built, destroyed, built and destroyed two Series winners in the last dozen years.

5. 1998-to-99 Padres. But on the plus side, Tony Gwynn batted his weight.

The List (Non-Sports Version)

Top 5 dramas in HBO history:

1. The Wire. I just finished watching Season 2 On Demand and am eagerly awaiting the start of Season 3 ... and then No. 4, which is as good as any season of any show ever aired on any network. I had watched The Wire's five-season run when it was on originally and loved it then, but watching it again, with the perspective of knowing the show's arc, makes it even more enjoyable. Superbly acted and realistically written, The Wire is centered around the Baltimore Police Department's mostly hopeless fight against crime. But it's the many side stories - involving drug lords, corrupt politicians, public education woes, etc. - that make the show really special. If you've never seen The Wire, start renting it now. And that's an order.

2. Six Feet Under. Just about every character on this show, which is based in a funeral home, is outstanding. Especially noteworthy are angst-filled teenager Claire, her recently decloseted gay brother David and their deceased father (who regularly appears in dream sequences). I won't give the series finale away, but I will say the episode is as satisfying a conclusion as any I've seen.

3. Deadwood. I feel totally ripped off that this marvelous series lasted only three seasons. Early on, the media fixated on the vulgar language spoken by these 1876 pioneers. Soon enough, though, anybody who really took the time to watch this deliciously gritty show realized it was more than curse words. Ian McShane's evil entrepreneur Al Swearengen is one of the great villains in TV history.

4. The Sopranos. Many would rank this iconic show first, and I'd have no quibbles. That it could rank fourth on my list speaks well of the quality television HBO has produced over the years. If you're one of the few who doesn't already know about Tony Soprano and his fellow Mafia men, you owe it to yourself to enjoy this series. But rent or buy the DVDs; the sanitized syndicated version on A&E just isn't the same.

5. (tie) True Blood and In Treatment. After quite a few swings and misses - yes, I actually (and regrettably) watched the entire season of John From Cincinnati waiting for something to happen - the quality of these current series gives me hope that HBO will continue to offer up great television. True Blood is a smart, sexy, occasionally creepy show about vampires being assimilated into Louisiana society (and the women who love them). In Treatment follows a shrink (portrayed perfectly by Gabriel Byrne) who deals with his patients' demons - and his own.

Angels and D-Backs: Bests of Wests

^

And so, it's on to the Wests, divisions that just might combine to produce zero 90-win teams. On the bright side, the races - if that's what they'll be called - should be close come September.

AL WEST

1. L.A. Angels of Orange County & Other Non-L.A. Regions: Interesting that a team can subtract longtime hitting standout Garret Anderson, all-time single-season saves leader Francisco Rodriguez and the league's best first baseman in Mark Teixeira and still be the division favorite. Does that say more about the Angels or the division? Probably the latter, but the former is a possibility, too. The Angels did a decent job of retooling, bringing in Bobby Abreu to play left and Brian Fuentes to close, and they still have Vlad Guerrero, Torii Hunter and a very nice pitching staff. Should be plenty to rule this field.

2. Seattle Mariners: The rest of the division is a crapshoot, so let's take a shot and promote the league's crappiest team in 2008 to a second-place finish. This is all about pitching. (What? You thought I was going to say this was all about the homecoming of Junior Griffey, who proved during his South Side go-round that he was done, finished, kaput?) If Erik Bedard is healthy, Felix Hernandez is the ace-on-the-rise he appears to be and if 100 mph throwing Brandon Morrow is a bullpen stud, the M's should be able to get enough offense from Ichiro and Adrian Beltre to at least avoid humiliating themselves again.

3. Oakland A's: Not sure if Billy Beane has built a legitimate contender or if he has put together a group destined to crash and burn. Jason Giambi is back to play first base, Eric Chavez and Nomar Garciaparra are hoping to make it through a season in one piece, the A's actually are counting on Michael Wuertz, and ace Justin Duchscherer is going to miss at least a month after elbow surgery. On second thought, never mind on the "legitimate contender" half of the equation.

4. Texas Rangers: As usual, they're hoping to maul opponents into submission. It hasn't worked in eons, and I see no reason it should work now. But hey, it sure will be fun watching Josh Hamilton and friends hit the baseball.

NL WEST

1. Arizona Diamondbacks: If you like Strike 3, you gotta love this team. A starting rotation led by Brandon Webb and Dan Haren often gets opponents chasing at air, but that's just the start of it. D-Backs hitters strike out more often than Pauly Shore at a sorority pajama party. The hitters are young and talented, though, so I'm gambling that at least a few of them - maybe Mark Reynolds, maybe Chris Young, maybe Justin Upton, maybe Stephen Drew, maybe someone - will have figured out a thing or two about the importance of putting the ball in play every so often. Besides, how can one go against a team that has Augie Ojeda on its roster?

2. L.A. Dodgers: Well, Manny is happy, and that usually means good things for Manny's team. Still, the Dodgers actually have transformed themselves from a team that relies primarily on pitching and defense to one that hopes to out-mash opponents. It will be interesting to see how that plays at Dodger Stadium. It's hard not to like a lineup that includes the likes of Manny, Andre Ethier, Russell Martin, Casey Blake, Rafael Furcal and Orlando Hudson. It's easy not to like a team relying on Randy Wolf, Jeff Weaver and Jason Schmidt.

3. San Francisco Giants: If only one could combine the Giants and the Dodgers, you'd have a team capable of winning this division by 20-some games. The Giants can pitch - and who knows? Maybe that actually will be enough in the NL West. Just when I wondered when we'd see another lefty as dominant and entertaining as Randy Johnson, along came Tim Lincecum and his 102 pounds of fury. And now look: San Fran has both. Matt Cain and Jonathan Sanchez, too. The Giants also have Aaron Rowand and Edgar Renteria as primary offensive weapons. Expect lots of 2-1 wins and 3-2 losses.

4. Colorado Rockies: Five words: Jason Marquis in Coors Field. This can't be a good thing. The Rocks also dumped their best player (Matt Holliday) and have some gaping holes. Nevertheless, this team is just one year removed from a World Series appearance ... and that has to count for something, right? Maybe all they need is the real Troy Tulowitzki to show up. Unless the 2008 version was the real one, in which case, they're screwed. 

5. San Diego Padres: Well, at least they still have Jake Peavy. Until they don't.

(Tomorrow: AL Central and NL Central.)