Today's High Five: A wonderful time of the year!

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Man (and woman), do I love this time of year! So much going on in the wide world of sports - and that's a very welcome distraction with what's going on in the wide world of non-sports.

5. OLD MEN AND THE SEE-I'M-NOT-DECREPIT-YET

My old-dude softball team, the Sons of Pitches, is 4-0 in the fall league after beating the other previously unbeaten team last night.

We not only won, we won by slaughter rule ... and we won with style, baby!

In the top of the second inning, we turned a TRIPLE PLAY. Yep, a triple-freakin-play! Runners on first and second; the batter hits a sinking line drive to right-center; the runners take off, certain they will be scoring on the play; our RCF Wayne makes a running catch; Wayne throws to SS Tom for Out No. 2; Tom fires to 1B Bob for Out No. 3. Yowsa!

We then come up in bottom of the inning and celebrate by scoring the maximum 5 runs, with Pat - our coach, pitcher and Penguin-run-alike - hitting a three-run homer. Way to go, Ron Cey! (Or is it more like Burgess Meredith?)

We have such a fun group of guys it will be sad when the season ends - and our two-year run as a team ends with it. There will be a new draft next spring and our guys will be cast about the league.

But we still have a lot of fun to go this season. It really isn't even fall yet, we're undefeated, and we have a championship to win!

4. CHICAGO'S HOPELESS

The Cubs are in last place, 16 games out. The White Sox are in next-to-last place, 15 1/2 games out. And the Bears found a way to lose their season opener at home to the Bills.

All of which can only mean one thing:

It's September in Chicago!

Fans from my former hometown at least can celebrate that Derrick Rose, who is playing for the U.S. National Team, is experiencing no knee problems.

Yet.

Meanwhile, my Panthers kicked butt and took prisoners in their opener at Tampa Bay, even without the injured Cam Newton.

The Panthers aren't a great team, but I think they're pretty darn good. I don't like talking much about Fantasy Football because people who play it never shut up when they start talking, but if Kelvin Benjamin happens to still be available in your league, you'd be wise to snag him. He's well on his way to being a stud.

3.  PAIN ... AND NOT MUCH GAIN

The last Little League game I umpired, on Sunday, I took a foul ball to my right shoulder. The pain was so intense that I thought the ball must have somehow gotten under or over my chest protector's shoulder-pad attachment. But it hadn't. The ball just was hit hard and caught me in the "perfect" spot.

The next inning, I was hit by a pitch when the left-handed catcher didn't quite reach across his body enough to catch a ball that was barely out of the strike zone. The ball hit me just below the middle knuckle on my left index finger, an area that is now a lovely shade of purple.

And the next inning, a kid fouled one back off my right shoulder - again. The ball got me within an inch of the previous injury, and I was seeing stars for a few seconds. Ever the trooper, I shook it off and continued. That's why I get the big bucks.

I guess all that punishment was payback for joking around after I had taken a relatively innocuous shot off my shin guard in the first inning. A coach asked if I was OK, and I responded:

"I'm fine. My wife hits me harder than that!"

2. AND SPEAKING OF RAY RICE ...

Why is being fired by the Ravens and suspended the NFL an appropriate punishment for treating a woman like a punching bag?

Why isn't this guy in jail?

OK, I know why he isn't in jail. He is rich enough to afford a good lawyer. That being said, Rice clearly is a bad human being, he can't control his temper, he is super strong, and he almost surely is armed. You can't convince me he is not a threat to society.

Those who know me well know that I'm a softy - and a big believer in second chances. But this criminal should have to sit in a small cell for at least a few months before he gets his second chance.

1. VALUE = VICTORY

The NFL season is underway. So is the college football season, and now that there's an actual playoff system waiting at the end, I might even watch a few games. Tennis just played its U.S. Open and golf's Ryder Cup is just around the corner. Soon enough, NHL teams will report to training camp, NBA teams will do likewise and college basketball teams will hold their Midnight Madness sessions. And in soccer "friendlies" all around the world, guys with one name are pretending they were shot in an attempt to draw penalties against opponents who didn't touch them.

Things are so sportarific in September, and baseball is the sportarificest of all.

One of the things I miss most about Chicago is that I no longer live in a town with big-league baseball (or whatever it is that the Cubs and White Sox claim to play). With the Internet, ESPN and the MLB Network, I can keep up with the game pretty well, but it isn't quite the same as having not just one but two teams right in the city.

I have been enjoying the division and wild-card races, but mostly I have been thinking about the MVP awards in each league.

In the AL, the best offensive player has been White Sox rookie Jose Abreu, who came from Cuba and started hitting the second he set foot in Comiskular Park. But you know what? If I had a ballot this season, he wouldn't even be one of the first five guys I'd vote for. He might not even be in my top 10.

For me, an MVP candidate has to be on a team that at least contends for a postseason berth. He has to have come through in games that have meaning - either early- and mid-season games that have helped his team to a big division lead, or late-season games that have given his team a chance at the playoffs.

How can Abreu be the Most Valuable Player in his league if his team hasn't played a game "of value" since May? Yes, he has value to the White Sox. Yes, he deserves Rookie of the Year in a runaway. MVP of the entire league? Please.

Mike Trout seemed a lock for the award at midseason but he slumped pretty badly in August. Still, he leads the league in RBIs, he has helped his Angels roll past the once-dominant A's while compiling the league's best record, and he is dynamic both in the field and on the bases. He's still the choice over Detroit's Miguel Cabrera and Baltimore's Nelson Cruz.

Things are even more interesting in the NL, where the absence of a hitting superstar on any winning team has put a pitcher atop the MVP heap.

And what a pitcher. Clayton Kershaw has had several outstanding years, and he's now having one for the ages: 18-3 with a 1.67 ERA. He is in Koufax/Gibson territory, and he is the main reason the Dodgers overcame a slow start - Kershaw missed April and it took him most of May to shake off the rust - to surge past the Giants in the NL West.

Valid arguments can be made that a pitcher who makes 30 starts shouldn't win an MVP award ahead of everyday ballplayers, but Kershaw has been so dominant and has so obviously lifted the Dodgers, that he is an example of why it should be rare but possible.

For stat-heads who like advanced metrics, Kershaw leads all MLB players in Wins Above Replacement, and the guy in second (somewhat surprisingly, Oakland's Josh Donaldson) isn't very close behind.

The Marlins don't even have a .500 record and they are only on the fringes of the wild-card race, but if they can make a legitimate push over the last couple of weeks, Giancarlo "Don't Call Me Mike" Stanton could make it a two-man MVP race. Stanton leads the league in HR and RBI and he's a great all-around player. He's put up his numbers not in a Rockies-style thin-air-aided bandbox but in Miami's spacious, pitcher-friendly ballpark. Very impressive.

Stanton's best chance is if the Marlins make a big move in the next two weeks and if Kershaw loses some votes to teammate Adrian Gonzalez, who has been hot of late and is right behind Stanton in the RBI race. I suppose Pittsburgh's Andrew McCutchen could go wild down the stretch and steal the award, but I don't see it happening.

Right now, Kershaw is a pretty easy choice for MVP, Cy Young and, hell, let's make him governor of California, too. Jerry Brown can't have more than another decade or three in office, right?
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Unlike Cubbies, Blackhawks found a way to win -- not another way lose

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If that had been the Cubs playing the Red Wings, they would have lost in overtime ... and "cursed" again would have been the word of the day, week, month, year, decade and century.

If that had been the White Sox playing the Red Wings, they would have lost in overtime ... and Hawk would have been whining about the dadgum dodobird who cost them the series.

If that had been the Bulls playing the Red Wings, they would have lost in overtime ... and conspiracy theorists would have opined that "of course, the NBA wanted the Red Wings to win."

If that had been the Bears playing the Red Wings, they would have lost in overtime ... and Jay Cutler would have shoved an offensive lineman after J.C.'s game-losing interception.

Thankfully, the Blackhawks were the Chicago team playing the Red Wings.

They weren't happy that a bad offsetting-penalty call nullified Niklas Hjalmarsson's apparent game-winning goal with less than 2 minutes left in regulation. But they quickly got over the disappointment, regrouped during the break before overtime and won it on Brent Seabrook's goal early in OT.

Blackhawks captain Jonathan Toews, who is trying to lead his squad to a second Stanley Cup championship in four years, rallied the team after regulation, reminding his mates that the refs hadn't cost the Hawks the series. The Blackhawks, he said, still controlled their own destiny.

"Keep working," Toews said. "We were not going to go away that way."

Yes, it sucks to be victimized by a bad call. But every game in every sport includes hundreds of good plays and bad plays by both teams, good moves and bad moves by both coaches and good calls and bad calls by the officials. It's especially pathetic when a team caves after a bad call or an unfortunate bounce that doesn't even end the season -- yes, I'm talking to you, 1985 Cardinals, 1986 Red Sox and 2003 Cubs.

Many people forget that even after Don Denkinger's screw-up, Bill Buckner's blunder and Steve Bartman's foul play, the Cards, Sox and Cubs still had a chance to prevail. Each memorable moment came in a Game 6 and only tied the series. Instead, St. Louis, Boston and Chicago shrunk from the challenge and folded in Game 7. To this day, fans of those teams blame Denkinger, Buckner and Bartman.

If only those teams -- if only ALL teams -- took fate into their own hands, held themselves accountable and got the job done.

You know, just as Toews and the Blackhawks did.
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Stuff yourself silly with the 2012 Turkeys of the Year

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It's that time of the year, when thoughts turn to the turkey on our plates and the Turkeys who inhabit the sportosphere.

My tradition of choosing a Turkey of the Year goes back to my first year as Copley Newspapers' Chicago columnist, 1998, when Bears president Michael McCaskey was so inept that his mommy fired him.

Since then, it's been a parade of clowns, cads, chokers and chumps: Jerry Krause (1999); Bobby Knight (2000); David Wells & Frank Thomas (2001); Dick Jauron (2002); Sammy Sosa (2003 and 2004); Andy MacPhail, Jim Hendry & Dusty Baker (2005); Aramis Ramirez (2006); Charlie Weis (2007); Choking Cubbies (2008); Milton Bradley (2009); Mark McGwire (2010); Joe Paterno & Penn State Enablers (2011).

(You'll notice that from 1998-2009, most Turkeys of the Year had Chicago and/or Midwest connections because of where I lived and columnized. Now in my second full year as a Southern boy, the Turkey Countdown has a different flavor.)

As always, I dedicate this tradition to my absent friend, Gene Seymour, my Copley columnist predecessor, the founder of Copley's sports turkey awards and one of the great guys journalism has ever known.

10. RYAN KALIL: The Panthers center took out a full-page newspaper ad before the season promising Carolina fans that the team would win the Super Bowl. By the time the Panthers reached their bye week, they were 1-4 and Kalil was done for the season with a foot injury. Great. Now nobody will take out full-page newspaper ads. As if the business isn't in bad enough shape.

9. JEFFREY LORIA: The Marlins owner got taxpayers to foot the bill for a new ballpark and then filled it with expensive players ... for about half a season. When the team stunk, he dumped just about every player who made more than 12 cents and fired Ozzie Guillen for being what Ozzie Guillen always has been. And hey, even Loria's ballpark is ugly.

8. LANCE ARMSTRONG: Yeah ... I know ... it's only really a headline if a cyclist doesn't dope. Still ... this was Lance Freakin' Armstrong, all-American hero, who spent most of a decade cheating and lying.

7. BOBBY VALENTINE: The biggest Boston disaster since Cheers went off the air.

6. NHL OWNERS, PLAYERS & COMMISH GARY BETTMAN: Working together marvelously to keep hockey an irrelevant, niche sport.
 

5. REX RYAN: The Jets had just signed Mark Sanchez to a huge, long-term deal when Ryan traded for Tim Tebow -- ensuring that ever-patient New York fans would be calling for Tebow to play every time Sanchez threw an incomplete pass. Even Jets players know Tebow is terrible, but why should that stop fans from praying for a Tebow miracle?

4. MELKY CABRERA: He was All-Star Game MVP for the winning NL team, thereby giving his Giants homefield advantage in the World Series. Cabrera wasn't there to see the Series, though, having been suspended for juicing. The cool thing is that the Giants won without him. I wonder if he'll get a championship ring?

3. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS FANS: By cheering when QB Matt Cassel got hurt, these yahoos proved that they belong in a second-rate sports town. 

2. ALEX RODRIGUEZ: Followed a bad season with an almost surreal postseason. The richest man in baseball history was benched for three playoff games and pinch-hit for six times. The good news for A-Dud is that the $114 million left on his Yankees contract can buy lots of HGH and plenty of masking agents.

And now, the 2012 Turkeys of the Year:

U.S. RYDER CUP TEAM

There are chokes, there are Cubbie chokes and then there was this, arguably the most complete choke-job in the history of professional sports.

The chokiest of chokers was Jim Furyk. His collapse in his pivotal match capped a year in which he also frittered away the U.S. Open and two PGA Tour events.

This result hardly could be pinned on Furyk alone, however. Tiger Woods didn't record a single point in the entire event. Neither did Steve Stricker, who was joined by Furyk, Bubba Watson, Keegan Bradley and Phil Mickelson on the list of Americans who wet themselves down the stretch.

Holy Heimlich, Batman ... talk about a total team effort.
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Today's High 5: From Derrick Rose to Kerry Wood

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5. Here was my knee-jerk reaction to those who hypothesized that Tom Thibodeau was responsible for Derrick Rose's injury -- and therefore the Bulls' early playoff exit -- because Rose was still playing in the playoff opener with 82 seconds left and the Bulls up by 12: Those jerky hypothesizers should be kneed in the groin.

But what if I was wrong? What if every intelligent coach, guys with much more experience and a longer history of success than Thibodeau, would have had Rose out of there?

Well, three weeks later, the evidence is in. And I wasn't wrong at all.

Game after game, coach after coach has left his stars deep in lopsided games to make sure his team didn't blow a big lead. Doc Rivers has done so with the Celtics, Eric Spoelstra has done so with the Heat and, most notably, Gregg Popovich has done so with the Spurs.

In Game 1 vs. the Clippers, Popovich still had Tim Duncan and Tony Parker in the game with 61 seconds to go and the Spurs leading by 15. He had subbed for Manu Ginobili with a 15-point lead and 2:33 remaining -- the same time Clippers coach Vinny Del Negro removed his stars, Chris Paul and Blake Griffin.

That's right: Duncan and Parker didn't come out until a minute and a half after Del Negro conceded.

In game 2, Popovich didn't take out Duncan and Parker until the Spurs led by 17 with 2:02 left -- and, again, only after Del Negro had removed Paul and Griffin.

I guess Popovich is pretty stupid. He's only going for his fifth NBA title.

Look, most coaches are neurotic. They think a 20-point lead with 20 seconds to go isn't enough. They don't want to be remembered as the guy who subbed too early and then suffered a blown lead of historic proportions.

Most coaches embrace this philosophy: If the game is "over," let the other coach concede by taking out his players first; then I'll take out mine.

Thibodeau did exactly what Popovich, Spoelstra, Rivers and probably each of the other 26 NBA coaches would have done: He played to win the game.

4. NBA honchos and network executives might have wanted an all-glitz, all-L.A. Western Conference final, but Spurs-Thunder will be much more entertaining ... and much more representative of the conference's best.

3. After LeBron James missed a late free throw, Lance Stephenson flashed the choke sign. Which leads to one question:

Who in the name of garbage time is Lance Effin Stephenson?

James had two perfect answers when asked about Stephenson, a little-used Pacers reserve.

First came the verbal retort: "Lance Stephenson? You want a quote about Lance Stephenson? I'm not even gonna give him the time."

Then came the physical one: James had 40 points, 18 rebounds and 9 assists as the Heat reclaimed homecourt advantage by beating the Pacers.

Stephenson's contribution? DNP-CD. That's the box score abbreviation for Did Not Play - Coach's Decision.

Garbage-time scrubs shouldn't be allowed to talk, let alone make throat-slash gestures that awaken a sleeping giant.

2. Is it me or does Brian McNamee seem even less believable than Roger Clemens? And that's no easy feat!

1. I have nothing but fond memories of the years I spent covering Kerry Wood.

He always was fair to me. He answered every question I ever asked him, even those he didn't like. And he always gave every ounce of energy and passion when he played -- a fact that no doubt contributed to the many, many injuries he suffered and, finally, to his retiring Friday at the still-young age of 34.

I didn't cover his 20-strikeout game. I was running errands that day and didn't even hear about it until I was on my way to the Bulls playoff game that night. It would have been cool to have been there, but I did get to witness many other incredible performances by him.

One example: His pitching against the Braves absolutely carried the Cubs into the 2003 NLCS. As often was the case with snakebitten Wood, however, his highs were followed by lows.

The night after the famous Bartman game, the Cubs still had a chance to win their first pennant in 58 years with Wood on the mound for Game 7. I never heard Wrigley Field louder than it was when his two-run homer in the second inning tied the game. An inning later, a shot by Moises Alou gave Wood a two-run lead. He holds that lead, and Steve Bartman is but an amusing footnote, not one of the biggest villains in Cubbie lore.

But Wood was spent and couldn't hold on, allowing 7 runs as the Cubs completed their epic collapse.

Afterward, a teary-eyed Wood said: "I let my teammates down, I let the organization down and I let the city of Chicago down. I choked."

That's right: An athlete didn't try to make excuses, didn't point fingers at teammates and accepted considerably more responsibility than he had to. Honesty and accountability ... crazy concepts.

It's hard to believe that someone as talented and as hyped as Kerry Wood had only 86 career victories and never had a single 15-win season.

It shows how much luck and health mean to athletes.

I'll always look back on Wood -- and his fellow star-crossed Cubbie, Mark Prior -- as cautionary tales. As in: Stephen Strasburg is gonna be great? Maybe. But don't forget that Wood and Prior were gonna be great, too. Let's just see what happens before we anoint somebody ... "

Through all the injuries and adversity, Wood was a fighter, a stand-up guy and an amazingly hard worker. He is one of the good guys. Cubbieland, and all of baseball, is poorer without him.
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Milton Bradley must not have been available

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Yep, Cra-Z Zambrano is sure to settle down nicely under the calm guidance of Ozzie Guillen.

Gotta admit: It would be fun to be a columnist in Miami next baseball season.
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Today's High Five: The Donald, Santo's Hall Call, "LeBron" Buehrle and Blago's plight

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5. Just the other day, I turned to my wife and said: "The only thing that could make this GOP presidential deal into any more of a dog-and-pony show would be if Trump put himself back in the thick of it."

Bingo!

4. My old friend, Ron Santo, finally got the Hall call. Obviously, it's several years too late, but there is something comforting knowing that now, he really is immortal.

3. Of course, that now means the 1960s-era Cubs had four Hall of Famers (and numerous other outstanding players) yet still somehow avoided even sniffing an NL pennant. Pretty amazing.

2. Pretty surprising that Mark Buehrle didn't use an hour-long ESPN special to announce he was taking his talents to South Beach.

1. Any time I'm feeling a little down, I'm just gonna think about Blago behind bars, looking effin' golden to his fellow inmates.

If that won't cheer me up, nothing will.

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Today's High Five - Weekend Edition

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5. Two impressive wins for Ryan Braun and Prince Fielder ... a ridiculous romp for Aaron Rodgers & Co. ... Bucky Badger delivering a most inhospitable welcome to the Big Ten for Nebraska.

'Twas one helluva weekend in Cheezland.

4. Ron Rivera will be a good coach for the Panthers. But really ... shouldn't the former Bears assistant have known better than to kick the football to Devin Hester?

Plain and simple: You do that, you deserve to lose.

3. I am sooooooo glad Dexter, the smartest and most fun show on television, is back.

2. With two outs in the bottom of the ninth inning Sunday, Curtis Granderson, representing the tying run for the Yankees, swung at a Jose Valverde pitch and hit a sky-high foul pop. It appeared the game was over. But with Tigers 3B Brandon Inge standing only a few feet away, catcher Alex Avila slipped on the on-deck circle and fell ... and the ball dropped harmlessly to the ground. Granderson ended up walking, bringing clutch hitter extraordinaire Robinson Cano to the plate as the winning run.

With rain cascading down, Valverde got Cano to hit a routine grounder to 2B -- and Ramon Santiago made the play, ending the game and sending the series to Detroit tied at a game apiece.

Had the Tigers been the Cubs ...

Santiago would have booted Cano's grounder, Valverde would have given up a walk-off double to A-Rod, and both dopey fans and media mopes would have blamed not Inge, Santiago and Valverde but a billy goat, a curse and a fan in the stands.

1. OK, Roger Goodell ... cut the shenanigans and put the real Lions back in the league.

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Ozzie, Marlins: Be careful what you ask for

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So, how far into the 2012 season will Jack McKeon again become the Marlins' interim manager?

On another note, it's pretty hard to argue that Bud Selig was wrong about the wild card adding excitement to baseball.

Of course, I'm not saying those races are any more exciting than the Cubs' pursuit of a fourth-place tie with Pittsburgh.

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Time for Ozzie to go - finally

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It was six years ago today that Ozzie Guillen gave me one of the best stories of my journalism career -- telling me that if the White Sox beat the odds to win the World Series, he might celebrate by quitting. The stress was too much, he said, and he was sick of being unappreciated by the fans.

He didn't need the job. He could walk away anytime. "I'll make more money signing autographs," he said, "instead of dealing with this shit."

The next day, when the shit was hitting the fan because of his comments, he could have claimed he was misquoted or his words were taken out of context. That's the course of action of many public figures, cowards all. Ozzie didn't do that. He told waves of reporters that he said what he said and he meant every word. I'll always be thankful for that.

Well, as everybody knows, the Sox went on to give Chicago its first baseball championship since women earned the right to vote. And, as everybody knows, Ozzie stayed. I'm glad, because he's one of the most fun, colorful, interesting sports people I've known. Chicago baseball has been better because he's been a part of it.

In the years since our interview, Ozzie often has resurrected variations of that rant: When he gets fired, so be it; he doesn't really need the job and the hassles that go with it.

You know what? The time has come for him to leave the hassles behind.

Change is good. Eight years as a manager for one team is a long time, especially for a bombastic guy with absolutely no filter between brain and mouth.

Ozzie has one year left on his contract and wants assurances from Jerry Reinsdorf that he will be allowed to stay in Chicago beyond that.

If I'm Reinsdorf, I say no dice. Two division titles in eight years -- and two losing seasons the last three years -- hardly gives a manager leverage to dictate terms. Especially when that manager has spent this season overseeing a disgusting display of ineptitude by a team expected to contend.

I wouldn't think this would be a tough call for Reinsdorf, who coldly and unnecessarily imploded his Bulls dynasty after the second threepeat.

Ozzie Guillen has accomplished a lot and has stayed true to himself in doing so. He even has outlasted -- by several years -- columnist-turned-criminal Jay Mariotti.

It's not as if he would stay unemployed for long. The Marlins supposedly want him, and he loves Miami. (The Cubs could do a lot worse, too, but Ozzie probably needs the fresh start of another city.)

OK, so he wouldn't be going out on top, wouldn't be quitting just after a World Series triumph, but he'd be leaving a pretty nice legacy behind.

And if you don't think one championship is much of a legacy, you don't know anything about Chicago baseball.

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Did Riggleman really do that?

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Not sure if Jim Riggleman is a Turkey of the Year candidate for walking away from his Nationals managing job just as the team was getting halfway decent ... or if he deserves plaudits for standing up for what he believes, regardless of the consequences.

Riggleman thought the Nationals should have picked up the option year on his contract. He thought he deserved that much, and he's right. The team thought otherwise. So he quit.

No matter what you think of quitters, you have to agree that it takes cajones to walk away when things are pretty good. I mean, anybody can quit when things are rotten, as Jim Leyland and Lou Piniella have. Repeatedly.

I always liked Jim. When he was the Cubs' manager from 1995 to 1999, he was the ultimate straight-shooter. I can't imagine any manager handling the wild Sosa-McGwire season of '98 better than he did. Tony La Russa didn't handle it better, that's for sure.

Of course, La Russa had a great track record before that and has a great one since (despite being McLiar's enabler-in-chief). The same can't be said of Riggleman.

Still, Riggleman knows that everything in baseball is recycled. Even in the unlikely event that he never manages again, he'll be some team's third-base coach or bench coach as long as he wants to stay in the game.

Turkey? Nah. It's hard to resist a guy willing to tell his boss, "Take this job and shove it."
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A campaign to save catchers

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It's time for MLB to make a significant rule change to protect the most vulnerable player on the field.

Catcher Buster Posey is the San Francisco Giants' best player. He will miss the rest of the season due to injuries suffered on a totally unnecessary home-plate collision.

Notice I said "totally unnecessary," not dirty. What Marlins baserunner Scott Cousins did -- absolutely obliterate Posey, who was blocking the plate as he waited for a throw -- was completely legal by baseball rules.

What I'm saying is it shouldn't be legal.

A catcher shouldn't be allowed to block the plate while waiting for a throw any more than a second baseman should. And a baserunner should have to slide or otherwise avoid collision with the catcher.

Traditionalists no doubt will wail: "The catcher blocking the plate and the runner crashing into the catcher always has been part of baseball! Leave tradition alone!"

OK ... you know what else used to be traditional in baseball? No black players. No batting helmets. Players being indentured servants, tied to their teams for life. Spitballs not only permitted but encouraged. No ballclubs west of St. Louis. Trading cards, marketed to kids, in packs of cigarettes. Home runs awarded for balls bouncing over the wall. Gloves that looked like rags. Betting scandals. Pitchers being over-used and then discarded by their teams.

To name a few wonderful traditions.

Tradition almost always is the most idiotic reason to resist change.

Look, these guys get paid way too much money to be put in harm's way every single game. It makes no sense -- financially, physically, morally and every other "ly" one can think of.
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Oh, man! White Sox impose their Will on rest of MLB

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Despite telling the White Sox about 10 times that I have moved to North Carolina and no longer need to be on their e-mail list, this press release just popped into my in-box:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Monday, January 10, 2011

WHITE SOX AGREE TO TERMS WITH PITCHER WILL OHMAN

CHICAGO – The Chicago White Sox have agreed to terms on a two-year, $4-million contract with free agent relief pitcher Will Ohman. Under terms of the deal, Ohman will receive $1.5 million in 2011 and $2.5 million in 2012.

Ohman, a 33-year-old left-hander, went 0-2 with a 3.21 ERA (15 ER/42.0 IP) and 43 strikeouts in 68 combined appearances with Baltimore and Florida in 2010. He began the season with the Orioles, going 0-0 with a 3.30 ERA (11 ER/30.0 IP) in 51 games before being traded to the Marlins on July 31 in exchange for pitcher Rick VandenHurk, where he was 0-2 with a 3.00 ERA (4 ER/12.0 IP).

The 6-foot-2, 240-pounder held left-handers to a .229 (19-83) average and opened the season with a streak of 25 consecutive scoreless appearances covering 15.2 IP. He threw less than 1.0 IP in 45 of his 68 outings last season.

Ohman has gone 11-11 with a 4.19 ERA (124 ER/273.0 IP) and 269 strikeouts over eight major-league seasons with the Cubs (2000-01, ’05-07), Atlanta (2008), Los Angeles-NL (2009), Baltimore (2010) and Florida (2010).

Ohman has limited lefties to a .208 (104-500) career average with 154 strikeouts.

He originally was selected by the Cubs in the eighth round of the 1998 First-Year Player Draft.

With the move, the White Sox 40-man roster is at 37.

That about clinches it, no?

I mean, why should the other 29 teams even bother showing up for the 2011 season?
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Wound, meet salt

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"That's probably the most fun I've ever had playing baseball, that series. That series was even better than the World Series. I know the fans here don't like to hear that, but it was fun for us on that side of the field."

That was the just-traded Derrek Lee talking about the Marlins coming back to beat the Cubs in the 2003 NLCS.

Which, by the way, goes down as the single most memorable sporting event I covered during my 16 years in Chicago.
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Gggggodawful

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The Bald Truth

Unless Adrian Gonzalez is doing the hitting, it's almost impossible to hit a homer at Petco Park. And yet Kevin Gregg found a way to make it happen, serving up a fat pitch to some dude named Kyle Blanks.

I guess the extra "g" in the Cubbie closer's name stands for "gag."

THE BALDEST TRUTH

And how 'bout Lou Piniella? The graying skipper started walking out to yank Gregg, who already had let the tying run to score, only to realize before getting to the mound that he didn't have anybody warming up in the bullpen.

By the time Lou's crew gets home from this West Coast trip, its season could be more over than Joe the Plumber, 401(k) matches and the newspaper industry.

Check Back, Please

I expect to have a fresh TBT on SportsFanLive.com later Tuesday. I'll give a heads-up here when it's posted.

Ryno slams El Roido

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The Bald Truth

I've not yet decided how I'll vote when Sammy Sosa's name appears on the Hall of Fame ballot in five years. Ryne Sandberg, who hopes to be the Cubs' manager by then, is giving me the punt sign.

That's right: Ryno is saying no-go to El Roido (a.k.a. El Corko).

"Part of being in the Hall of Fame, they use the word integrity in describing a Hall of Famer ... and I think there are gonna be quite a few players that are not gonna get in," Sandberg told a Chicago radio station Tuesday.

Yes, there is an integrity clause ... but it's tricky. Should spitballer Gaylord Perry have gotten in? What about selfish Reggie Jackson? Racist jerk Ty Cobb? Should I vote for Robbie Alomar, who spat in an umpire's face?

Ryno unquestionably is right about the last thing he said, though. No matter how I vote, I doubt the likes of Sosa, Mark McGwire, Gary Sheffield, Manny Ramirez and Rafael Palmeiro will get in.

There simply is too much sentiment against the cheaters. McGwire, the first of the eligible juicers, has gotten less love from BBWAA voters than Jon has lately from Kate (and vice versa).

Even Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds are in doubt.

And I really don't like the Hall chances of Alex Sanchez and Felix Heredia, who must not have followed directions on their 'roid labels very well.

The Quote

"People love me everywhere I go." - Manny Ramirez

Especially people who sell syringes.

The Balder Truth

While talking to reporters before Tuesday's game, White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen saw that the Dodgers' Juan Pierre was listening in.

Ozzie: "We're gonna play 10 guys in the infield. You're not bunting! I tell you, we're gonna have everybody in the middle."

Juan: "When I get a bunt base-hit, I'm gonna look right at you!"

Ozzie: "Two million dollars if you get a bunt base-hit on me!"

Thanks to a diving catch at third base by Gordon Beckham - robbing Pierre of a bunt hit in the eighth - Ozzie gets to keep his millions.

It was the only good news on this night for Guillen, whose impotent losers fizzled again at home.

A Hall of a Voter

Longtime loyal reader Doug Nicodemus asked why I have a Hall vote. Here's the deal:

Every 10-plus-year member of the Baseball Writers Association of America in good standing gets a ballot. Because I was in the BBWAA for 25 years before my newspaper company so generously set me free, I received lifetime membership - and lifetime Hall voting rights.

So I'm kind of like a Supreme Court justice, only more objective - and not quite as bald as Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

It is absurd that MLB is letting Manny be Manny for a bunch of minor-league "rehab" games before his drug suspension ends.

Maybe they were just worried he wouldn't be able to make ends meet without that Triple-A meal money: 20 bucks a day.

Understand this, Joe: Don't shoot the A-Roid messenger

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The List

Eight observations at the baseball season's one-month mark:

1. Hey, Joe Girardi, the Yankees need you to manage your ballclub, not the news. You might or might not win doing the former, but you sure as hell won't win trying to do the latter.

Girardi spent far too much of his Sunday ripping into Selena Roberts for writing a book about Alex Rodriguez and the publishers of "A-Rod" for moving up the release date after some of the book's passages were leaked to a New York tabloid.

"It's interesting how the book date got moved up," Girardi told the rabid New York press corps. "I don't understand why someone would write a book like this anyway."

Oh, please. Joe is Northwestern educated. He's a smart guy. He knows exactly why this book was written.

For one, because A-Rod, the highest-paid athlete in the history of team sports, sullied his name, his employers and his sport by taking steroids and repeatedly lying about it. For another, because the book will sell and make money for the publisher and for Roberts, a talented Sports Illustrated writer.

You know, money. That's the same reason Rodriguez plays baseball instead of working as an administrative assistant for a non-profit organization. The same reason, by his own admission, that he took 'roids in the first place. The same reason Girardi works as a manager for the Steinbrenners instead of working as a stockboy for a family that owns a chain of shoe stores.

As for the book date getting moved up ... hello! Again, money. Strike while the fire is hot. In November, most ballparks will be cold, but that didn't stop MLB from pushing this year's World Series into November - because of money.

Among other things, Roberts' book alleges that A-Roid took performance-enhancers since joining the Yankees - after he swore on a stack of syringes that he stopped juicing before he left Texas for New York. The book also suggests he took steroids back in his high school days.

Surely, A-Roid vehemently denied these ridiculous allegations once they became public, right?

Uh, no. He just said he wouldn't talk about them. Best not to be caught in more lies, I suppose.

"A-Rod" is important to baseball's history. And it will be one of the top selling books this year.

Surely, Northwestern Joe does understand all of that.

2. Pitchers should not try to leg out bunt hits. Carlos Zambrano did just that - not only tried but succeeded. The cost, however, could be high. The Cubs ace hurt his hamstring and will miss some starts.

His manager defended him for his aggressiveness, and I get where Lou Piniella is coming from, but really? He wants his $90 million pitcher doing this in an early-May game - especially when said pitcher has so much power that Lou has used him as a pinch-hitter repeatedly this season?

Next time, Lou, tell Cra-Z to swing the bat.

3. Cito Gaston had a reputation as a "push-button manager" his first time around in Toronto. So when the Blue Jays fired him a few seasons after he led a powerhouse team to consecutive championships, no other team was willing to hire him for an entire decade. 

Now Gaston is back running the Blue Jays and they are in first place. Once again, they have a high-scoring lineup, as well as one of baseball's best pitchers in Roy Halladay.

It must at least be possible that the manager is doing something right, no?

4. It's time for the White Sox to thank Jose Contreras for everything he did back in 2005 and then present him with lovely parting gifts.

No team needs an 83-year-old pitcher with an 8.31 ERA.

No contending team does, anyway.

5. Toronto, Kansas City, Seattle, Florida, St. Louis.

Well, maybe some of us at least picked the Dodgers to take the NL West.

(Not me, of course, but some of us.)

6. And speaking of surprises: Jason Marquis ... Colorado Rockies ... 4-1 ... 3.31 ERA. The Cubbie and Redbird reject has almost half of his team's wins. Wow.

7. Here's something a little less shocking: Albert Pujols is the best hitter in baseball. Period.

Based on what I've seen - dropped throws, failed scoops and muffed grounders - Pujols' fielding at first base is a little overrated. 

But there is nothing overrated about the man's .356 average, 9 homers and 29 RBIs for a surprise first-place Cardinals club.

8. Based on the early evidence, there is not one great team in the majors this season.

More than just a few bad ones, though.

No pussy-footing around Lovable Loser history

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The Bald Truth

Folks at Wrigley Field had a fun fourth inning Tuesday night. Not only did a cat run onto the field, but a fan sitting in the vicinity of the Bartman seat reached out and caught a foul ball that left fielder Alfonso Soriano was (kind of) pursuing.

When Jay Bruce followed the Bartman-like play with a single that pulled Cincinnati into a tie, fans booed the Bartman-like perpetrator.

Yes, what fun ... if only any of it had anything to do with actual Cubs history.

First, the cat in question was mostly white, with brown and black markings. In other words, it looked about as much like the Santo-spooking black cat of '69 as I look like Brad Pitt.

As for the Bartman-ish play ...

1. The fan caught the ball, which Bartman didn't on that infamous October 2003 night. And Tuesday's fan wasn't wearing glasses and headphones.

2. Soriano had zero chance to catch the ball. That's right: even less of a chance than Moises Alou had to catch the Bartman ball.

3. The Reds scored one run that inning, not eight.

4. The Cubs went on to win Tuesday's game rather than choke away another pennant.

5. Dusty Baker was in the visiting dugout.

6. This was an April game that, in the big picture, meant squat.

Still, let's not let facts stand in the way of people equating anything and everything with the Ghosts of Cubbies Past.

The only thing Cubbieland enjoys more than the Lovable Losers is constantly revisiting all of the horrors those Losers have endured for eons upon eons.

The Balder Truth

In addition to Kevin Garnett being out, one of his backups, Leon Powe, now has been lost for the rest of the playoffs. And Rajon Rondo, the point guard the Bulls can't stop, is hobbled with an ankle injury.

Suddenly, the Celtics are thinner than Calista Flockhart at the end of a month-long fast.

At this point, frankly, the Bulls are a better team than the Celtics. And they have homecourt advantage, too.

If they don't win this series now, it will reflect pretty poorly on the Chicago players and their time-out-squandering coach, Vinny Del Negro.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

It couldn't have been a coincidence that Fisher sponsored the Carlos Zambrano commemorative no-hitter figurine that was given to fans Tuesday.

A nut company sponsoring a Cra-Z souvenir. Beautiful.

MLB's early surprises (and non-surprises)

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Well, we've reached the two-week mark on the new baseball season and here's what's going on ...

BIGGEST SURPRISE (TEAM): Padres.

I'm not especially surprised that the Marlins, Mariners and Blue Jays lead their divisions. I predicted great improvement for the first two and the Jays have a lot of talent (as well as the misfortune of being in a stacked division). But the Padres? They made no secret that they were unloading salaries and playing for tomorrow. And yet here they are at 9-4. If they keep this up, they might be stuck keeping Jake Peavy, which would be a bummer for all the teams that want to get him at a bargain. Methinks they won't keep this up for too long, though.

BADDEST SURPRISE (TEAM): Phillies. 

There are plenty of candidates here, including the Red Sox, Yankees, Indians, Angels and Diamondbacks. Those teams, however, aren't the defending champions. The Phils even have struggled to beat the Nationals and Padres. Jimmy Rollins is batting .152, Brad Lidge has a 9.45 ERA and Cole Hamels can't get anybody out.

BIGGEST SURPRISE (PLAYER): Aaron Hill, Blue Jays.

He's among AL leaders in batting, homers, RBIs and hits. And given that I had to look up what his first name was when I saw all of those stats, that's pretty surprising.

BADDEST SURPRISE (PLAYER): Geovany Soto, Cubs and Alexei Ramirez, White Sox.

One was the runaway winner of the NL Rookie of the Year; the other was the runner-up for AL rookie honors. And now look at them. One is batting .105 and has been outplayed by his backup; the other is hitting .125 - considerably below his weight, which isn't an easy accomplishment for a human stick figure.

BIGGEST NO-DUH! (TEAM): Brewers.

If you thought this club - lacking a closer, lousy in the field and ravaged by the departures of two All-Star pitchers - could contend, you must have eaten hallucinogenic cheese curds. They're 4-8 for a reason.

BIGGEST NO-DUH! (PLAYER): Milton Bradley, Cubs.

Hey! Look who's hurt! Hey! Look who's getting in trouble with umpires! Hey! Look who's been suspended! What a shocker.

TWO-WEEK MVP (AL): Miguel Cabrera, Tigers.

When you get a hit every other at-bat and carry a mediocre team to a 7-5 record, you must be pretty valuable.

TWO-WEEK MVP (NL): Ryan Ludwick, Cardinals.

It isn't easy to upstage Albert Pujols - and he's doing it.

One-hit MLB wonders and all-time HBO hits

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The List

I like and respect ESPN's Tim Kurkjian, but like all of us professional analysts, he sometimes says silly things. Just the other day, he told viewers that the Tampa Bay Rays can't possibly be one-hit wonders because teams rarely go from pennant winners one year to also-rans the next. 

Now, I'm not saying the Rays will be one-hit wonders, but you don't have to employ a team of investigative reporters to unearth recent Series-to-suckers examples.

Just to jog Mr. Kurkjian's memory, here are five one-hit wonders in the last decade alone:

1. 2007-to-08 Rockies. They never should have started putting baseballs in a humidor.

2. 2006-to-07 Tigers. See what happens when you sign every free agent the Yankees don't want.

3. 2005-to-06 Astros. Apparently, it's impossible to recover after losing a World Series to a Chicago team.

4. 2003-to-04 Marlins. While the Cubs are in their 101st year of championship-free baseball, the Marlins have built, destroyed, built and destroyed two Series winners in the last dozen years.

5. 1998-to-99 Padres. But on the plus side, Tony Gwynn batted his weight.

The List (Non-Sports Version)

Top 5 dramas in HBO history:

1. The Wire. I just finished watching Season 2 On Demand and am eagerly awaiting the start of Season 3 ... and then No. 4, which is as good as any season of any show ever aired on any network. I had watched The Wire's five-season run when it was on originally and loved it then, but watching it again, with the perspective of knowing the show's arc, makes it even more enjoyable. Superbly acted and realistically written, The Wire is centered around the Baltimore Police Department's mostly hopeless fight against crime. But it's the many side stories - involving drug lords, corrupt politicians, public education woes, etc. - that make the show really special. If you've never seen The Wire, start renting it now. And that's an order.

2. Six Feet Under. Just about every character on this show, which is based in a funeral home, is outstanding. Especially noteworthy are angst-filled teenager Claire, her recently decloseted gay brother David and their deceased father (who regularly appears in dream sequences). I won't give the series finale away, but I will say the episode is as satisfying a conclusion as any I've seen.

3. Deadwood. I feel totally ripped off that this marvelous series lasted only three seasons. Early on, the media fixated on the vulgar language spoken by these 1876 pioneers. Soon enough, though, anybody who really took the time to watch this deliciously gritty show realized it was more than curse words. Ian McShane's evil entrepreneur Al Swearengen is one of the great villains in TV history.

4. The Sopranos. Many would rank this iconic show first, and I'd have no quibbles. That it could rank fourth on my list speaks well of the quality television HBO has produced over the years. If you're one of the few who doesn't already know about Tony Soprano and his fellow Mafia men, you owe it to yourself to enjoy this series. But rent or buy the DVDs; the sanitized syndicated version on A&E just isn't the same.

5. (tie) True Blood and In Treatment. After quite a few swings and misses - yes, I actually (and regrettably) watched the entire season of John From Cincinnati waiting for something to happen - the quality of these current series gives me hope that HBO will continue to offer up great television. True Blood is a smart, sexy, occasionally creepy show about vampires being assimilated into Louisiana society (and the women who love them). In Treatment follows a shrink (portrayed perfectly by Gabriel Byrne) who deals with his patients' demons - and his own.

Red Sox and Phillies: Beasts of Easts

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What a great time of year to be a sports fan. 

College basketball decides its champion on the court. (Are you listening, NCAA football?) The NBA and NHL postseasons are about to start. (Reportedly, those leagues will crown champions sometime before September.) NFL teams are preparing for the draft. (Meanwhile, NFL players make court appearances and trade demands.)

Best of all, Opening Day approaches. (And I get to make a bunch of predictions that smart fans will summarily ignore before calling their bookies.)

Play ball!

AL EAST

1. Boston Red Sox: Now that they got rid of that cancer-causing loser, Manny Ramirez, the sky's the limit for this crew. And no matter what, the Sox know they can rely upon never-injured stalwarts such as J.D. Drew, David Ortiz and Josh Beckett. Seriously, given all that went wrong for the Red Sox last season, it's easy to forget that they won 95 games and got to the ALCS. As usual, they've assembled a powerful roster and a nice rotation, and Jonathan Papelbon has moved to the fore as the one guy I'd want on the mound in the ninth inning of a Game 7. 

2. New York Yankees: It's wonderful that the team is bringing back Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig and Joe DiMaggio to throw out the ceremonial first pitches at the new Yankee Stadium. And you thought Ted Williams' head was the only thing that had been cryogenically frozen all this time? For the Yankees to avoid the slow starts that have plagued them in recent years, they'll need dominant pitching in April, when pitching is supposed to dominate. With CC Sabathia and A.J. Burnett (or is it C.C. and AJ?), they seem to be armed well enough to overcome the early absence of A-Roid Rodriguez. But just in case they do struggle early, maybe we should start the "What day will Joe Girardi get fired?" pool right now.

3. Tampa Bay Rays: Back in 1998, the Cubs sent Kerry Wood to the minors to start the season, leading then-Angels manager Terry Collins to say that if the Cubbies had five pitchers better than Wood, they were a cinch to win it all. And now here we are, 11 years later, and the Rays have sent 2008 postseason phenom David Price to the minors. P.S.: The Cubs didn't win it all in '98, and the Rays won't do so in '09 after coming oh so close last year. It's hard to imagine them being able to duplicate their 97-win success, isn't it? Well, Evan Longoria & Co. will get the chance to prove all of us wrong again. 

4. Toronto Blue Jays: Where's Joe Carter when you need him? Remember when the Yankees and Red Sox were just good enough to lose and Toronto ruled this division? Honest, kids! Ask your dads. The Blue Jays obviously remember ... how else to explain Cito Gaston's return as manager? What next? Ed Sprague at third base? The only way this team escapes fourth place is if Roy Halladay wins 35 games. If anyone can do it, he can.

5. Baltimore Orioles: With Felix Pie, Cesar Izturis, Rich Hill and Andy MacPhail, what could possibly go wrong?

NL EAST

1. Philadelphia Phillies: It was a rough season for Phillies fans because they didn't have nearly enough opportunities to boo their heroes in 2008 - especially in October. That trend figures to continue in '09. The Braves have better pitching depth, the Marlins might have a better lineup and the Mets have the division's top leadoff man and starting pitcher. Having said all that, it's the Phils who do everything well - as evidenced by the championship rings on their fingers. If Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, Cole Hamels and their other studs stay healthy, Philly will contend for No. 1 in baseball again.

2. Florida Marlins: With their young, powerful lineup, no wonder tens of Marlins fans turn out at Dolphins Stadium every night! I doubt there are five better players in all of baseball right now than Hanley Ramirez, and he has plenty of support. If Ricky Nolasco, Josh Johnson, Chris Volstad and the team's other young pitchers continue to grow up, the Marlins could have the kind of special season their Tampa Bay neighbors had in '08. Florida won 84 games a year ago, so it's not an outrageous leap.

3. New York Mets: Their petition to have the season shortened to 150 games was denied, so I don't like the Mets' chances to avoid another heartbreaking choke-a-thon. With Jose Reyes at the top of the order and Johan Santana at the top of the rotation, with Carlos Beltran, David Wright and Carlos Delgado providing power and with newcomers Francisco Rodriguez and J.J. Putz anchoring an overhauled bullpen, the Mets would seem to have enough to win this division. Then again, they seemed to have enough in 2007 and 2008, too. Oh well, at least they have a new ballpark named after a failed bank going for them.

4. Atlanta Braves: They are delighted with new hurler Javier Vazquez, but those of us who caught his act on the South Side would caution Bobby Cox to avoid using Javy in any game that matters. Not that the Braves figure to have many of those down the stretch. Atlanta added Vazquez and Derek Lowe to an already decent staff, but age and offensive deficiencies make a .500 record a stretch.

5. Washington Nationals. See Adam Dunn hit a home run! See Adam Dunn strike out three times! Thanks for coming and drive home safely.

(Tomorrow: AL West and NL West.)