Oct. 13: Birthday Of The Stars (and a certain bald schlub)

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An early Happy Birthday wish to my former Marquette classmate Glenn Rivers (now universally known as Doc), who was born Oct. 13, 1961, exactly one year after I was.

And while I'm at it, early Happy Birthday wishes to ...

Jerry Rice, the greatest receiver ever to lace 'em up.

Marie Osmond (even though, unlike her, I'm a lotta bit rock 'n' roll).

Paul Simon, who still can get me feelin' groovy.

Dark comedian Lenny Bruce (RIP)

Sacha Baron Cohen, who no doubt will celebrate by making sexy time.

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, who hasn't won a lick since naming himself GM.

Clutch hoopster Paul Pierce (and far-less-clutch hoopster Jermaine O'Neal).

Nancy Kerrigan, one of sport's all-time victims.

Kelly Preston, Jerry Maguire's squeeze.

Kate Walsh. Is there any TV show she hasn't been mediocre in?

Sammy Hagar -- The Red Rocker.

Margaret Thatcher -- The Iron Lady. (RIP)

Ari Fleischer, who as Dubya's press secretary had the dubious assignment of making his boss sound intelligible.

"Foolish" songstress Ashanti.

Trevor Hoffman, who saved 601 games even though his fastball could be measured by a sundial.

Wow ... what a great list of October 13 birthdays!

And while I'm at it, an early Happy Birthday To Me!

For yours truly, it's double-nickels -- a term I'll always associate with Michael Jordan's 55-point performance at Madison Square Garden shortly after his first un-retirement in 1995.

Jeesh ... was that really 20 years ago? How time flies when you share a birth date with Ari Fleischer!

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And in other less-important news ...

++ Of course Chase Utley's slide was dirty. The rent-a-Dodger was practically past second base when he wiped out Ruben Tejada, breaking the Mets shortstop's leg. Kudos to MLB executive Joe Torre for suspending Utley. It's worth noting that Torre, who has as much integrity as any man in baseball, used to manage the Dodgers.

++ "These things are scripted, I guess, and I wasn't in the script this time." -- Anirban Lahiri, International team golfer, after he missed a short putt to lose to Chris Kirk and cost his team a tie in the Presidents Cup. Hey man, if you want to believe God chose Kirk instead of you and the Americans instead of your team as a rationale for your choke job, go for it.

++ I keep thinking the Seahawks are going to start dominating games again, but they keep avoiding doing so. I hope they delay it at least another week, as they face my Panthers next Sunday.

++ Oh, and one more early birthday shout-out to Phil Arvia, my good buddy and fellow former Chicago sports columnist. Phil has traded in his laptop for a bass guitar, and he's just more proof that there's life after the newspaper biz. I am still waiting for him to invite me on stage to sing, though. You haven't rocked or rolled until you've heard my rendition of Del Shannon's "Runaway"!

Did Riggleman really do that?

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Not sure if Jim Riggleman is a Turkey of the Year candidate for walking away from his Nationals managing job just as the team was getting halfway decent ... or if he deserves plaudits for standing up for what he believes, regardless of the consequences.

Riggleman thought the Nationals should have picked up the option year on his contract. He thought he deserved that much, and he's right. The team thought otherwise. So he quit.

No matter what you think of quitters, you have to agree that it takes cajones to walk away when things are pretty good. I mean, anybody can quit when things are rotten, as Jim Leyland and Lou Piniella have. Repeatedly.

I always liked Jim. When he was the Cubs' manager from 1995 to 1999, he was the ultimate straight-shooter. I can't imagine any manager handling the wild Sosa-McGwire season of '98 better than he did. Tony La Russa didn't handle it better, that's for sure.

Of course, La Russa had a great track record before that and has a great one since (despite being McLiar's enabler-in-chief). The same can't be said of Riggleman.

Still, Riggleman knows that everything in baseball is recycled. Even in the unlikely event that he never manages again, he'll be some team's third-base coach or bench coach as long as he wants to stay in the game.

Turkey? Nah. It's hard to resist a guy willing to tell his boss, "Take this job and shove it."
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Milton Bradley: 100th verse, same as the first

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Can't wait for Milton Bradley to end his silence and blame Lou Piniella, Cubbie fans and Chicago media for running him out of Seattle.
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Thome to Ozzie: This bomb's for you!

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The List

Three reasons why Minnesotans are happy they aren't Illinoisians these days:

3. While You Know Who is coming back to QB the Vikings, Jay Cutler is only a wannabe until he proves otherwise.

2. The Twins have Jim Thome. And, thanks to Ozzie Guillen's preference for bunters over bombers, the White Sox don't.

1. Minnesota's governor often is mentioned as the possible 2012 Republican nominee for the U.S. presidency. Illinois' last three governors: one jailed felon, one freshly convicted felon and one guy who is in so far over his head that his business card should have a picture of a shovel on it.

The Bald Truth

Well, at least Ozzie isn't stuck with that one-dimensional, lumbering lug Thome clogging up the basepaths and keeping Mark Kotsay from playing DH.

The Balder Truth

Jon Garland is still making Cubbie fans cringe. But hey, he's no Matt Karchner.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

As most of you know, I'm moving to North Carolina. I've been warned by a few locals there that some of their politicians are corrupt.

After nearly 16 years in Illinois, I could offer only this response:

"Some? Only some? Jeesh, what a bunch of lightweights!"

Don't blame Milton Bradley for being Milton Bradley

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The Bald Truth

Milton Bradley has some serious emotional problems. He needs help ... and he has the means to afford it.

Strangely, I feel a little sorry for the man. I mean, he can't help it if he's Milton Bradley. That's all he knows how to be. He didn't hold a gun to Cubbie boss Jim Hendry's head to make Hendry sign him (though, admit it, you wouldn't be surprised if he had).

Hendry on Sunday suspended Bradley for the rest of the season, officially admitting he made the kind of mistake that can ruin a season and set a franchise back several years.

Or, in the case of this franchise, several decades.

Several more decades.

The Balder Truth

Full disclosure: While I preferred Adam Dunn or Bobby Abreu to Bradley, I said at the time of the signing that Bradley made some sense because the laid-back Cubbie clubhouse needed a little pizzazz. In fact, I said that if I were a Cubs fan, I'd have been more concerned about Bradley's history of injuries than about his history of mental instability.

Well, I was wrong. Unlike Jim Hendry, however, I am not paid by Chicago National League Ball Club Inc. to be right. That $30 million mistake won't help Hendry - who had a terrible 2008-09 offseason - in the eyes of the team's new ownership. (Hendry's own long-term contract might help him survive at least another season, though.)

In typical Cubbie fashion, Hendry didn't suspend Bradley for being either a bad teammate or a bad ballplayer.

No, the GM suspended Bradley for being himself.

Hendry made the move after Bradley told Daily Herald beat writer Bruce Miles this when asked if he had enjoyed his first season in Cubbieland:

"Not really. It's just not a positive environment. I need a stable, healthy, enjoyable environment. There's too many people everywhere in your face with a microphone asking the same questions repeatedly. Everything is just bashing you. You got out there and you play harder than anybody on the field and never get credit for it. It's just negativity. And you understand why they haven't won in 100 years here, because it's negative."

100 ... 101 ... who am I to quibble about a year here or a century there?

Bradley never got it. He never got that if you're the $30 million newcomer who was supposed to be the final piece of a championship puzzle and you instead drive in fewer runs than Mike Fontenot, you are going to be criticized. Then, when you blame everybody but yourself - over and over and over again - you are going to be disliked.

Obviously, Chicago was a terrible fit for Bradley, who needs to go somewhere fans don't care and where us annoying media types are few and far between.

Then again, they already had him in San Diego, right?

But hey, don't be too hard on the man. Asking Milton Bradley to be somebody other than Milton Bradley is like asking a nun to stop crossing herself or a gerbil to stop nibbling on wood shavings.

Good thing for Milton: Thirty million bucks buys a lot of psychoanalysis.

Really. I'm not kidding.

If he isn't already seeing a shrink, he needs to start. If he is, he needs to find a new one.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Nice job by Robbie Gould to come through in the clutch for the Bears after:

A. His Steelers counterpart, Jeff Reed, blew two big field-goal attempts and ...

2. His coach, Lovie Smith, risked freezing his own kicker by calling time-out before Gould's winning kick.

If only they had Jay Cutler, too

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Losing 11-0 to the worst team in the league with your ace on the mound ... and getting three hits against a dude with a 6.23 ERA.

Thank goodness Jake Peavy is ready to save the day for the White Sox!

Analyzing the Cubs-Sox analysts

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The Bald Truth

Having covered just about all of the previous 71 White Sox-Cubs games over the years, I decided to chill out Thursday and watch the game at home on my big-screen HDTV. And thanks to the wonders of the DVR - the greatest technological innovation since Al Gore's Internet - I got to hear Hawk Harrelson, Len Kasper, Steve Stone and Bob Brenly all afternoon on WGN and Comcast Sports Net.

They brought their A-games, making for a fun day in the La-Z-Boy. (A fun day for me; less fun for the Cubbies, who merely played as if they were sitting in recliners.)

Here was each announcer's take on Alfonso Soriano's cover-your-eyes gaffe that led to two eighth-inning runs and a 3-0 Sox advantage:

Hawk: "Soriano slips and misses the ball! Sox lead it 2-to-nothing!"

Steve: "That's what happens when you play a designated hitter in left field, and it's been happening all year. ... Then, after missing it, Soriano, who just plain misses it, goes after it with less than a lot of enthusiasm. In fact, he looks back (toward the infield). What does he think the runners are gonna do? Stand there?"

Len: "Soriano slipped and he couldn't make the catch."

Bob: "Nothing I see out there surprises me any more. You just wonder at what point they're gonna pull the plug on Fonzie this season. He's obviously nowhere near 100 percent with that left knee. You could live with some of the foibles in left field when he was driving the ball out of the ball park ... but offensively he's been a nonfactor for a long time, and that defense in left field is gonna end up costing a lot of ballgames."

Nicely done, guys, though I do wish Brenly hadn't made the sore-knee excuse for Soriano - who repeatedly has said the injury doesn't bother him at all at the plate.

Meanwhile, Stone's comment about having a DH in left field was the best line all day. And the Cubs had another DH, Jake Fox, at first base in place of Derrek Lee, who was with his wife as she gave birth to their second child. Oh, and Milton Bradley's basically a DH, too.

Of course, Sox LF Carlos Quentin is little more than a DH. And one could make the argument that when the South Side outfield has Quentin, Scott Podsednik and Jermaine Dye, it's like having DHs all the way across.

Chicago Baseball: We Lead the World in Designated Hitters!

A catchy slogan that helps explain why the disappointing, underachieving, overpaid, fundamentally inept Windy City ballclubs are a combined 133-134 instead of the contenders they were supposed to be.

Them's The Breaks

Unfortunately for the Cubs, Jake Peavy wasn't available to pitch for the White Sox.

It's hard to imagine the impotent Cubbies doing any worse against him than they did against rookie Carlos Torres, who was making only his third career start.

As Brenly said: "This is not at all the Carlos Torres we were led to believe was gonna be starting this game for the Chicago White Sox. We were told he had all kinds of command issues, got jumpy out there on the mound, really couldn't command anything other than his fastball. He's pitched a great game."

The Balder Truth

Here's more from Hawk, Len, Steve and Bob on Dewayne Wise's seventh-inning throw to the plate to nail Fox, who tried to score from second base on Jeff Baker's single after a whiffing Soriano failed to advance Fox to third in what was then a 1-0 game:

Len: "That's an aggressive send by (third base coach) Mike Quade, but why not take a shot with the way it's been going offensively?"

Bob: "That's where a productive out by Soriano would have been a huge benefit to the Cubs."

Hawk: "Dewayne with the throw ... he gone! Beautiful peg by Dewayne Wise! Yes! Yes!"

Steve: "And the gamble was not pinch-running for Fox."

Interesting, huh? While the obvious thing to do was second-guess Quade for sending Fox (which I did from my La-Z-Boy), Stone second-guessed Lou Piniella for leaving the plodding Fox in the game.

I happen to disagree with Steve here, because it was only the seventh, Lee wasn't available and the Cubs might have needed Fox's bat in the ninth. But I respect Stone's ability to immediately make a strong statement. It's why, despite his occasional smugness and his obvious zeal in taking shots at the North Side franchise that once employed him, he's the best analyst in Chicago sports.

And Brenly's not exactly chopped liver, either.

If Only Cubs Hit This Hard

Right behind Stone's DH comment was this from Brenly after Ozzie Guillen playfully threatened to use Dye as a pinch-hitter for Wise if Lou switched to a lefty on the mound:

"The way Dye's been swinging the bat lately, I'm not sure I wouldn't take Ozzie up on that."

Ouch. But hey, J.D. hasn't gotten a big hit in so long, it's almost hard to remember that he was MVP of the '05 Series.

Dye's a class act in every way and he has played an important role in revitalizing a franchise, but it's time for the White Sox to thank him for the memories and let him limp through his late-30s somewhere else.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Hawk is the ultimate unabashed homer. And as a guy who doesn't root for the White Sox (or any other team), sometimes that drives me nuts. But the man earns points for being more than willing to get on one of "his" guys for screwing up.

Here's what he had to say after shortstop Alexei Ramirez failed to finish off the Cubs in the ninth on what should have been a routine, game-ending DP:

"And this should be ... can't get him, as Alexei once again out of position on a double-play situation, a perfect double-play ball."

While Gordon Beckham has settled in nicely at third base, it's hard to believe he wouldn't be a major upgrade at shortstop from Ramirez - who has lousy footwork, makes mental errors and is prone to wild throws.

Guillen likes Chris Getz at second, and putting Ramirez in the outfield probably would be no better than the Soriano-in-left experiment. So Kenny Williams should trade Ramirez, right?

Really? Trade a dynamic, young hitter who is four years away from free agency and who is one of the few White Sox to consistently deliver in the clutch?

It's just one example of how difficult the offseason is going to be for Williams. For his Cubbie counterpart, Jim Hendry, too.

Clearly, both teams need more players who care as much and perform as well as their announcers do.

Final Word

White Sox fans can crow about their heroes winning the season series, but the sloppy South Siders had to work awfully hard to have an even worse record at this point than the cruddy Cubs do.

There's a month of baseball left, and both teams are done. A pox on them both. Chicago fans deserve better.

Gggggodawful

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The Bald Truth

Unless Adrian Gonzalez is doing the hitting, it's almost impossible to hit a homer at Petco Park. And yet Kevin Gregg found a way to make it happen, serving up a fat pitch to some dude named Kyle Blanks.

I guess the extra "g" in the Cubbie closer's name stands for "gag."

THE BALDEST TRUTH

And how 'bout Lou Piniella? The graying skipper started walking out to yank Gregg, who already had let the tying run to score, only to realize before getting to the mound that he didn't have anybody warming up in the bullpen.

By the time Lou's crew gets home from this West Coast trip, its season could be more over than Joe the Plumber, 401(k) matches and the newspaper industry.

Check Back, Please

I expect to have a fresh TBT on SportsFanLive.com later Tuesday. I'll give a heads-up here when it's posted.

Does any GM try harder to win than White Sox GM?

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The Bald Truth

So many GMs in all sports try to avoid embarrassment. They try to avoid "losing" a trade. They try their hardest not to lose instead of to win.

And then there's Kenny Williams.

The White Sox and their fans are very lucky that their guy will do pretty much anything legal to win. Victory - ultimate victory, like the team experienced in 2005 - is the only thing that matters to Williams.

Hey, I'm not sure if Alex Rios is a great player waiting to bust out, a very good player who already has peaked, a good player who never will be great, or an OK player who is vastly overpaid.

What I am sure of is that claiming him on waivers from the salary-dumping Blue Jays was worth a shot.

The arrival of Rios and his $61 million contract through 2014 - along with last month's stunning deal for big-money ace Jake Peavy - almost surely means that Jermaine Dye and/or Jim Thome won't be back next season. So be it.

Where Rios will play is another matter. Ozzie Guillen, a manager who often doesn't get the credit he deserves for his ability as a strategist, will find creative ways to fit five players - Rios, Dye, Thome, Carlos Quentin and Scott Podsednik - into four slots.

Besides, given the injury histories of Dye, Thome, Quentin and Podsednik, the acquisition of Rios could end of being the difference in the AL Central race. If the White Sox don't win, it won't be because they had too many outfielders and DHs.

Bottom line: If Kenny Williams believes so much in Alex Rios, I'm willing to give the player the benefit of the doubt.

Williams is right a hell of a lot more often than he is wrong. And even when he's wrong, he's wrong in a good way because all he cares about is winning.

The Quote

"There was a dispute over the fee and it just kind of escalated from there. It was not really a robbery. That is probably a large distortion of what happened. I think we should be able to work things out." - Andrew LoTempio, the lawyer for the Buffalo cabbie who allegedly was assaulted by Blackhawks star Patrick "20 Cent" Kane over chump change.

Those were a lot of words to say what one word would have covered: Ka-ching!

A large distortion? Yeah, by the lawyer's obviously beat-up client - who repeatedly told TV stations, radio outlets and newspaper reporters what a thug Kane was.

Now this client suddenly seems willing to, um, negotiate with Kane concerning the level of punishment that actually was doled out by the hockey player.

What a country.

The Balder Truth

Well, Lou Piniella argued. He got ejected. His Cubbies got thumped in Denver. And then they got thumped again.

So much for the dopey theory that if Lou goes ballistic, the Cubs will break out of their slumps.

If baseball worked like that, don't you think more managers would get the heave-ho more often?

So please give it a rest, dopey theorists.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Finally got to see The Hangover on Monday. Verdict: I hadn't laughed so hard at a movie since Borat.

And if you think that's just because I'm a guy who is into stupid, sick-humor buddy movies, Mrs. N also laughed her keister off.

No, it's not for the kiddies. And yes, it is quite stupid. But there were very few 45-second stretches in which everybody in the theater wasn't downright delirious.

Roger Ebert gave it 3 1/2 stars ... and who am I to disagree?

3 1/2 bald heads for The Hangover.

Mark Prior: From perfect to unemployable, just like that

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The Bald Truth

Before he ever threw a big-league pitch, Mark Prior was heralded as a once-in-a-generation talent. He had the size, the demeanor, the poise, the mound presence, the intelligence, the command and the maturity of legend. And oh, did he ever have the stuff.

His mechanics? Perfect. One expert after another said that with his mechanics, he'd never get hurt.

When the Twins passed on him to draft their hometown boy, Joe Mauer, they were ridiculed for being stupid, cheap or both. (I guess now is as good a time as any to say their decision has turned out OK.)

The Cubs gave Prior such a huge signing bonus after they selected him in 2001 - $10.5 million - that it's still a record today.

Think about that. Think about how salaries in sports - baseball especially - have escalated. And yet this guy's bonus of eight years ago remains the gold standard.

The first time Mark Prior pitched for the Cubs, it was obvious he had "it" - that special something separating the superstars from everybody else.

Fans had such high expectations for him that I took to calling him Messiah Mark. Some ripped me for "making fun" of Prior, but the more observant readers realized I was poking fun at the worshippers, not the faux deity. (Besides, I liked how Messiah Mark Prior sounded. Kinda rolls off the tongue, no?)

He went 18-6 in 2003, his first full year in the majors. In the second half of that season, he was 10-1 with a 1.52 ERA. He was simply the best pitcher in the world, A SURE THING.

Prior continued to shine in the postseason and was only five outs away from a shutout victory that would have vaulted the Cubs into their first World Series in six decades. Though he, like his teammates and manager, choked away that game, his potential obviously was limitless.

More than a few surveys of GMs, managers, scouts and sportswriters concluded that, after old-timers Greg Maddux, Randy Johnson and Tom Glavine reached the 300-win plateau, it wouldn't happen again until Prior got to 300 some 15 or so years down the line.

Then came the injuries. One after another after another.

As the injuries piled up, experts began blaming flaws in his pitching mechanics for his plight. Some were the same experts who just a few years earlier had said his mechanics were perfect.

Many fans who once worshipped Messiah Mark suddenly were all over him. Baseball people, including some in the Cubs organization, were calling him a wimp.

He didn't know the difference between soreness and injury, they said. He had a low pain threshold. He was too selfish, too worried about his next contract, to man up.

What a wuss!

I wasn't Prior's friend or fan - that's not my job - but I did feel sorry for him, and I said so in several columns back then.

I didn't feel that way because of his ailments. After all, injuries are part of sports. And certainly not because the money train had stopped pulling into his depot. With the millions he made, he should be set for life.

No, I felt sorry for him because total strangers were questioning his integrity, passion, manhood and will to compete. These idiots somehow felt qualified to look into his brain and his heart. It wasn't until the surgeries began that people finally acknowledged: "Hey, you know what? This guy actually might be hurt."

As it turns out, he threw his final big-league pitch in 2006. The Cubs let him go a year later. The Padres signed him. More surgery followed. Last week, Prior was cut loose.

He is a 28-year-old has-been.

Although it has anything but a happy ending, his is among the most interesting stories of recent times. The cautionary tale to end all cautionary tales.

Whenever some young gun is compared to the all-time greats, I always think of Mark Prior.

And whenever a team drafts the next Can't Miss Kid, I say: "Hey, if Messiah Mark can miss, anybody can."

The Balder Truth

Pirates rookie Andrew McCutchen was so incredible Saturday - 4 hits, 4 runs, 3 HRs, 6 RBI - that he was honored as Future Red Sox Or Future Cub Of The Day.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

I promise. I'll never capitalize the "w" in Dewayne again.

The White Sox media guide lists the now-famous Perfect Game Preserver as DeWayne Wise. So do the lineup sheets and press notes that the team publishes on game days. But Wise says he wants the "w" lower-cased.

His wish is my command: Dewayne Wise, it is.

By the way, I really would have been impressed had Wise preserved a perfect game for Mark Buehrle on Sunday against the Yankees. Considering that Buehrle allowed seven runs on 12 hits in 4 1/3 innings, the Sox would have needed about 14 Dewaynes on the field (and maybe a couple on the other side of the outfield wall).

You know, there's only one word to describe this latest Buehrle performance: aWful.

AL makes it count again ... and Blackhawks beam up Scotty's boy

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The Bald Truth

An Oriole drives in the winning run against a Padre in an exhibition game to decide home-field advantage in the World Series.

Nice work, Bud!

Well, He Said He'd Bring Change

Was that a changeup lefty Barack Obama threw to Albert Pujols for the ceremonial first pitch before the All-Star Game? 

Or does this president simply have a noodle arm compared to Dubya's?

The Balder Truth

Wow, Stan Musial sure has an impressive list of accomplishments! Still, it's natural to wonder if his numbers would have been the same without all those steroids.

It's A Jolly Halladay

Neither the Cubs (with their slow sale and their possible bankruptcy) nor the White Sox (with their lower-than-projected attendance) are likely to feel rich enough to add Roy Halladay's big salary ... so here's an idea:

They BOTH can trade for the Blue Jays great, with Halladay getting to stay in Chicago from here on out because he'd only pitch in home games.

Hey, these rough economic times call for creative solutions.

It only will get unfair in the World Series. With the American League winning for the 855th straight year - This Time It Counts (Again)!! - the White Sox would get Halladay when they face the Cubs in Game 7.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

For better or worse, the Blackhawks officially are Scotty Bowman's team.

Last fall, in his first act as "senior adviser," he seniorly advised them to fire Denis Savard four games into the season. Now, he has gotten them to can Dale Tallon - who brought in all their great young talent - so his son Stan Bowman could be the new GM.

Asked what Stan Bowman brings to the job that Tallon didn't, owner Rocky Wirtz told the media: "He's 26, Dale is 58. We always want younger people."

Zounds! Methinks Tallon would have one hell of an age-discrimination suit had he not accepted a pile of hush money from Wirtz to stay on as an "adviser." (An extremely junior adviser.)

Given his love of youngsters in positions of power, Wirtz sure is giving a lot of latitude to Scotty Bowman, a septuagenarian whose Hall of Fame coaching career began back when NHL players really wore sweaters.

There is no question Scotty knows a lot about winning. With nine Stanley Cups, he's the Red Auerbach of hockey. 

And there's no question the Blackhawks are desperate. It's been so long since they've won it all, their last championship actually predates the start of Bowman's coaching career by six years!

Still, this all seems so sleazy, so knife-in-the-back, so beneath the actions of any respectable organization.

All I'll say is Blackhawks coach Joel Quenneville had better watch his back. With Phil Jackson having just won his 10th NBA title to break a tie for the most in North American pro sports history, Scotty might be salivating for another turn behind the bench.

Fortunately for Scotty, he has an in with the new GM.

Phil wins again, Ozzie strategizes, Lou lets buddy take a fall

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The Bald Truth

He is smug, condescending and egotistical. Often full of crap, too. Phil Jackson also is a 10-time champion.

Yes, he's had great players. Hello! What winning coach hasn't? Red Auerbach had a few great players, too. So did Scotty Bowman, Pat Riley, Casey Stengel, Chuck Noll, Vince Lombardi, Don Shula, Miller Huggins, etc.

Think about all the superstars those great winners coached/managed ... and not a one
of them won 10 titles.

Jackson's secret? He empowered his players to believe in themselves and in each other. He put his players in position to succeed, getting the most out of what they could do and rarely asking them to do something they couldn't. Mostly, he was willing to get out of his very best players' way and let them lead.

Yes, Michael and Kobe were/are great players. No, Jackson never won a title without them. But you know what? They never won without him, either, and they had plenty of chances to do so.

Next Verse

No longer can Shaquille O'Neal say Kobe needed The Big Attention Hog to win championships. Fact is, Shaq never came close to winning without being carried by a great game-closer - first Kobe, then Dwyane Wade.

Anybody who thinks it was the other way around wasn't paying close enough attention.

The Balder Truth

The few who begrudgingly give Ozzie Guillen credit for being a good manager usually cite his motivational abilities. As a strategist, well, to his critics he's no Tony La Russa, no Mike Scioscia, no Bobby Cox.

Whatever.

All I know is that not many managers would have given A.J. Pierzynski the green light in the ninth inning of a tie game with two on, two out and a 3-0 count against Trevor Hoffman, a future Hall of Famer who hadn't allowed a run all season.

Ozzie did. A.J. singled. And the White Sox beat the Brewers, with Guillen outmanaging his Milwaukee counterpart for the second straight day using NL rules.

The Quote

"One thing about Wrigley Field, I puke every time I go there." - Ozzie Guillen

Yep, this is gonna be a fun week of Chicago baseball, kids.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

In canning Lou Piniella's hand-picked hitting coach, Gerald Perry, it is clear that Jim Hendry used his authority as Cubs GM to pull rank on Sweet Lou.

That means something.

For one thing, it means Piniella has less control than most of us thought he did.

For another, it means a desperate Hendry has shifted into cover-my-ass mode: I brought in these hitters. Therefore, they can hit. If they aren't hitting, it must be somebody else's fault.

There have been hundreds of Cubbie scapegoats over the years, so Perry has to get in line. But facts are facts: Right up until the day before the move, Lou was singing Perry's praises.

That the skipper would just sit there and let his friend fall on the team's sword tells us more about Lou than we knew 24 hours earlier.

I like Lou, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't more than a little disappointed in him.

Da Hypocrite

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The Bald Truth

From the Do As I Say Dept., we bring you these words of wisdom in the L.A. Times from Da Coach, who was asked about the Vikings' wooing of Brett Favre:

"What's the message folks up there are sending their quarterbacks? 'You're not good enough. I'm going to bring in somebody better than you.' Come on. I'm not really sure I understand it, but then again, that's me. You build from within."

So says the guy who benched everybody for Doug Flutie.

The Quote

"I didn’t kill nobody, I didn’t rape nobody, so that’s it, I’m just going to come and play the game." - Manny Ramirez, in his first interview with reporters since being suspended for getting caught with his hand in the steroid jar.

Predictably, some people have their undies in a bundle over Ramirez's choice of words. They are accusing him of downplaying the seriousness of murder and rape.

If they actually read and think about his words instead of having knee-jerk reactions, they might realize that Ramirez was saying murder and rape are serious, horrible acts - much worse than, say, taking performance-enhancing drugs.

These days, the only times I really get outraged is when knee-jerk yahoos get outraged about crapola like this.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Was it only three weeks ago that the White Sox thought they had won the Jake Peavy Sweepstakes?

Well, if they keep losing at the rate they're losing, they'll be sellers instead of buyers by month's end.

It's gotten so bad that Ozzie Guillen and his troops are talking about how satisfied they are after well-played losses.

Way to shoot for the basement, boys!

A day Chicago sports fans would rather trade

^

The Bald Truth

According to sources close to other sources who once walked past still other sources on the way into an O'Hare men's room, the Cubs and White Sox agreed to terms of a Derrek Lee for Paul Konerko deal ... but each player invoked the no-trade clause in his contract.

Seems D-Lee and Paulie only want to play for contenders.

The Balder Truth

The Cubs scored 5 runs - total - in going 0-6 on their St. Louis-San Diego road trip. The White Sox blew a ninth-inning lead to Pittsburgh just three days after losing by 19 runs to the Twins. When I got to my car Sunday morning, I was greeted by a bright orange parking ticket; paying it will cost me approximately what I made working as a freelancer at the Sox game.

Still, all of us mentioned in that paragraph had a better day than the Blackhawks did.

I recorded the Hawks-Wings game on my DVR but decided not to watch it after I heard the score. Seeing the lowlights turned out to be plenty.

Methinks the Blackhawks were so distracted by their quest for retribution for Niklas Kronwall's Game 3 hit on Martin Havlat that they forgot they were supposed to actually be playing hockey.

Dopes.

As a four-decade hockey observer who roots for neither the Hawks nor the Wings, I've seen Kronwell's hit about 50 times ... and I am convinced it was devastating but absolutely legal. 

That realization makes me more ready to play hockey than the Blackhawks were.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

On the positive side for Chicagoans, Jay Cutler is at least three months away from hearing his first boos at Soldier Field.

Oh, does Peavy pitch, too?

^

The Bald Truth

The obvious story line from Friday's Cubs-Padres game was that Jake Peavy showed the Cubs just what they were missing.

Yeah ... he got a hit and scored a run.

The Question

OK, who stole the Cardinals' starting pitchers and replaced them with the 1970 Orioles' rotation?

The Baldest Truth

If you're like me, you're shocked - shocked! - to see Rich Harden go on the DL.

He's batting .200, so the Cubs desperately will miss him. 

The Quote

"That's just a great shot, man." - LeBron James, on TNT, describing his buzzer-beating Game 2 winner.

That's just great humility, too.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

The Cavs blew a 23-point lead but won anyway to save themselves from almost certain doom.

The Blackhawks blew a three-goal lead but won anyway to save themselves from almost certain doom.

The Nationals, as usual, simply blew. They faced certain doom before pitchers and catchers reported.

And now we send it to Stormy Mist for the weather ...

Rough day for Peav-ed off White Sox

^

The Bald Truth

Jake Peavy, who allegedly was so in love with the idea of pitching on Chicago's North Side that he was heard singing "Go Cubs Go" when he thought he was traded to the Cubbies in December, told the White Sox on Thursday that he had absolutely no interest in being a South Sider.

That's more than your standard, garden-variety rejection, boys. That's like getting told you're too ugly to date Roseanne Barr.  

I mean the only way Thursday could have gone any worse for the White Sox would have been if ... I don't know ... they also lost at home to the hated Twinkies by a ridiculous score like 20-1 or something.

Thankfully, at least nothing like that happened.

Thinking Positive

As bad as the White Sox were against the Twins, they still scored only one fewer run Thursday than the Cubs scored in their entire series against the Cardinals.

Riddle Me This

Q: What do the following ballplayers have in common?

Alfns Srian.

Ryan Therit.

Miltn Bradley.

Gevany St.

Mike Fntent.

Aarn Miles.

Reed Jhnsn.

Ksuke Fukudme.

A: They all play for the Chicag Cubs: the team with absolutely no O.

Get it? No O! 

You don't get that kind of hilarity at espn.com, kids.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Really, can you blame Jake Peavy?

Why would he want to leave the most pitcher-friendly ballpark in baseball to go to the homer haven that is U.S. Comiskular Park?

Why would he want to leave the NL, where he gets to face the pitcher every third inning - not to mention the weak No. 7 and 8 batters on most teams - to pitch against stacked AL lineups that include designated hitters?

He already has all the money he needs. Plus, he knows that if he waits long enough, the crying-poor Padres will be forced to trade him to one of the NL clubs on his preferred list. He is in control.

So why would Peavy agree to join a team that suddenly looks like a non-contender this season, a team that will be be dumping payroll in the offseason?

The big surprise wasn't that Kenny Williams made a valiant effort at landing the best pitcher on the market. This is the guy who has boldly traded for one big-name pitcher after another during his nine years as Sox GM.

David Wells, Todd Ritchie, Billy Koch, Bartolo Colon, Freddy Garcia, Jose Contreras, Javier Vazquez.

Yes, some of those blockbusters ended up being clunkers. But two - the deals for Garcia and Contreras - made the city's only championship of the last nine decades possible. 

Williams has vision and moxie and imagination. Oh, and cajones the size of cantaloupes.

No, the big surprise was that he actually thought Peavy would agree to the deal.

But hey, it was worth a try. As the lottery folks keep telling us, you can't win if you don't play.

MLB's early surprises (and non-surprises)

^

Well, we've reached the two-week mark on the new baseball season and here's what's going on ...

BIGGEST SURPRISE (TEAM): Padres.

I'm not especially surprised that the Marlins, Mariners and Blue Jays lead their divisions. I predicted great improvement for the first two and the Jays have a lot of talent (as well as the misfortune of being in a stacked division). But the Padres? They made no secret that they were unloading salaries and playing for tomorrow. And yet here they are at 9-4. If they keep this up, they might be stuck keeping Jake Peavy, which would be a bummer for all the teams that want to get him at a bargain. Methinks they won't keep this up for too long, though.

BADDEST SURPRISE (TEAM): Phillies. 

There are plenty of candidates here, including the Red Sox, Yankees, Indians, Angels and Diamondbacks. Those teams, however, aren't the defending champions. The Phils even have struggled to beat the Nationals and Padres. Jimmy Rollins is batting .152, Brad Lidge has a 9.45 ERA and Cole Hamels can't get anybody out.

BIGGEST SURPRISE (PLAYER): Aaron Hill, Blue Jays.

He's among AL leaders in batting, homers, RBIs and hits. And given that I had to look up what his first name was when I saw all of those stats, that's pretty surprising.

BADDEST SURPRISE (PLAYER): Geovany Soto, Cubs and Alexei Ramirez, White Sox.

One was the runaway winner of the NL Rookie of the Year; the other was the runner-up for AL rookie honors. And now look at them. One is batting .105 and has been outplayed by his backup; the other is hitting .125 - considerably below his weight, which isn't an easy accomplishment for a human stick figure.

BIGGEST NO-DUH! (TEAM): Brewers.

If you thought this club - lacking a closer, lousy in the field and ravaged by the departures of two All-Star pitchers - could contend, you must have eaten hallucinogenic cheese curds. They're 4-8 for a reason.

BIGGEST NO-DUH! (PLAYER): Milton Bradley, Cubs.

Hey! Look who's hurt! Hey! Look who's getting in trouble with umpires! Hey! Look who's been suspended! What a shocker.

TWO-WEEK MVP (AL): Miguel Cabrera, Tigers.

When you get a hit every other at-bat and carry a mediocre team to a 7-5 record, you must be pretty valuable.

TWO-WEEK MVP (NL): Ryan Ludwick, Cardinals.

It isn't easy to upstage Albert Pujols - and he's doing it.

One-hit MLB wonders and all-time HBO hits

^

The List

I like and respect ESPN's Tim Kurkjian, but like all of us professional analysts, he sometimes says silly things. Just the other day, he told viewers that the Tampa Bay Rays can't possibly be one-hit wonders because teams rarely go from pennant winners one year to also-rans the next. 

Now, I'm not saying the Rays will be one-hit wonders, but you don't have to employ a team of investigative reporters to unearth recent Series-to-suckers examples.

Just to jog Mr. Kurkjian's memory, here are five one-hit wonders in the last decade alone:

1. 2007-to-08 Rockies. They never should have started putting baseballs in a humidor.

2. 2006-to-07 Tigers. See what happens when you sign every free agent the Yankees don't want.

3. 2005-to-06 Astros. Apparently, it's impossible to recover after losing a World Series to a Chicago team.

4. 2003-to-04 Marlins. While the Cubs are in their 101st year of championship-free baseball, the Marlins have built, destroyed, built and destroyed two Series winners in the last dozen years.

5. 1998-to-99 Padres. But on the plus side, Tony Gwynn batted his weight.

The List (Non-Sports Version)

Top 5 dramas in HBO history:

1. The Wire. I just finished watching Season 2 On Demand and am eagerly awaiting the start of Season 3 ... and then No. 4, which is as good as any season of any show ever aired on any network. I had watched The Wire's five-season run when it was on originally and loved it then, but watching it again, with the perspective of knowing the show's arc, makes it even more enjoyable. Superbly acted and realistically written, The Wire is centered around the Baltimore Police Department's mostly hopeless fight against crime. But it's the many side stories - involving drug lords, corrupt politicians, public education woes, etc. - that make the show really special. If you've never seen The Wire, start renting it now. And that's an order.

2. Six Feet Under. Just about every character on this show, which is based in a funeral home, is outstanding. Especially noteworthy are angst-filled teenager Claire, her recently decloseted gay brother David and their deceased father (who regularly appears in dream sequences). I won't give the series finale away, but I will say the episode is as satisfying a conclusion as any I've seen.

3. Deadwood. I feel totally ripped off that this marvelous series lasted only three seasons. Early on, the media fixated on the vulgar language spoken by these 1876 pioneers. Soon enough, though, anybody who really took the time to watch this deliciously gritty show realized it was more than curse words. Ian McShane's evil entrepreneur Al Swearengen is one of the great villains in TV history.

4. The Sopranos. Many would rank this iconic show first, and I'd have no quibbles. That it could rank fourth on my list speaks well of the quality television HBO has produced over the years. If you're one of the few who doesn't already know about Tony Soprano and his fellow Mafia men, you owe it to yourself to enjoy this series. But rent or buy the DVDs; the sanitized syndicated version on A&E just isn't the same.

5. (tie) True Blood and In Treatment. After quite a few swings and misses - yes, I actually (and regrettably) watched the entire season of John From Cincinnati waiting for something to happen - the quality of these current series gives me hope that HBO will continue to offer up great television. True Blood is a smart, sexy, occasionally creepy show about vampires being assimilated into Louisiana society (and the women who love them). In Treatment follows a shrink (portrayed perfectly by Gabriel Byrne) who deals with his patients' demons - and his own.

Angels and D-Backs: Bests of Wests

^

And so, it's on to the Wests, divisions that just might combine to produce zero 90-win teams. On the bright side, the races - if that's what they'll be called - should be close come September.

AL WEST

1. L.A. Angels of Orange County & Other Non-L.A. Regions: Interesting that a team can subtract longtime hitting standout Garret Anderson, all-time single-season saves leader Francisco Rodriguez and the league's best first baseman in Mark Teixeira and still be the division favorite. Does that say more about the Angels or the division? Probably the latter, but the former is a possibility, too. The Angels did a decent job of retooling, bringing in Bobby Abreu to play left and Brian Fuentes to close, and they still have Vlad Guerrero, Torii Hunter and a very nice pitching staff. Should be plenty to rule this field.

2. Seattle Mariners: The rest of the division is a crapshoot, so let's take a shot and promote the league's crappiest team in 2008 to a second-place finish. This is all about pitching. (What? You thought I was going to say this was all about the homecoming of Junior Griffey, who proved during his South Side go-round that he was done, finished, kaput?) If Erik Bedard is healthy, Felix Hernandez is the ace-on-the-rise he appears to be and if 100 mph throwing Brandon Morrow is a bullpen stud, the M's should be able to get enough offense from Ichiro and Adrian Beltre to at least avoid humiliating themselves again.

3. Oakland A's: Not sure if Billy Beane has built a legitimate contender or if he has put together a group destined to crash and burn. Jason Giambi is back to play first base, Eric Chavez and Nomar Garciaparra are hoping to make it through a season in one piece, the A's actually are counting on Michael Wuertz, and ace Justin Duchscherer is going to miss at least a month after elbow surgery. On second thought, never mind on the "legitimate contender" half of the equation.

4. Texas Rangers: As usual, they're hoping to maul opponents into submission. It hasn't worked in eons, and I see no reason it should work now. But hey, it sure will be fun watching Josh Hamilton and friends hit the baseball.

NL WEST

1. Arizona Diamondbacks: If you like Strike 3, you gotta love this team. A starting rotation led by Brandon Webb and Dan Haren often gets opponents chasing at air, but that's just the start of it. D-Backs hitters strike out more often than Pauly Shore at a sorority pajama party. The hitters are young and talented, though, so I'm gambling that at least a few of them - maybe Mark Reynolds, maybe Chris Young, maybe Justin Upton, maybe Stephen Drew, maybe someone - will have figured out a thing or two about the importance of putting the ball in play every so often. Besides, how can one go against a team that has Augie Ojeda on its roster?

2. L.A. Dodgers: Well, Manny is happy, and that usually means good things for Manny's team. Still, the Dodgers actually have transformed themselves from a team that relies primarily on pitching and defense to one that hopes to out-mash opponents. It will be interesting to see how that plays at Dodger Stadium. It's hard not to like a lineup that includes the likes of Manny, Andre Ethier, Russell Martin, Casey Blake, Rafael Furcal and Orlando Hudson. It's easy not to like a team relying on Randy Wolf, Jeff Weaver and Jason Schmidt.

3. San Francisco Giants: If only one could combine the Giants and the Dodgers, you'd have a team capable of winning this division by 20-some games. The Giants can pitch - and who knows? Maybe that actually will be enough in the NL West. Just when I wondered when we'd see another lefty as dominant and entertaining as Randy Johnson, along came Tim Lincecum and his 102 pounds of fury. And now look: San Fran has both. Matt Cain and Jonathan Sanchez, too. The Giants also have Aaron Rowand and Edgar Renteria as primary offensive weapons. Expect lots of 2-1 wins and 3-2 losses.

4. Colorado Rockies: Five words: Jason Marquis in Coors Field. This can't be a good thing. The Rocks also dumped their best player (Matt Holliday) and have some gaping holes. Nevertheless, this team is just one year removed from a World Series appearance ... and that has to count for something, right? Maybe all they need is the real Troy Tulowitzki to show up. Unless the 2008 version was the real one, in which case, they're screwed. 

5. San Diego Padres: Well, at least they still have Jake Peavy. Until they don't.

(Tomorrow: AL Central and NL Central.)