Sucky Sunday for Panthers fans, but our day was still better than A-Roid's

^
Only one of the four NFL teams that had a first-round bye and homefield advantage in this weekend's playoffs lost.

My team, the Panthers.

Their decisive loss to the 49ers capped a pretty lousy Sunday -- despite the fact that I spent most of it looking splendid in my Keyshawn Johnson #19 Panthers jersey circa 2006.

I had decided I wanted to watch the game with like-minded folks, so Roberta and I went to what I thought was a sports bar. We got there about 15 minutes before kickoff to find about 3 other people, none of whom seemed especially interested in the game.

That wasn't the vibe I wanted, so we left and went to an establishment I knew would be hopping. Getting there just before kickoff, the place was packed. So packed, there was not a single seat available. So we left to go to a place just a few minutes from where we live.

That place might have been even more packed than the previous establishment, so, with the game now well underway, we left and went to one just down the street.

That one had available seating in a room adjacent to the bar so we decided to stay. The place was fine. The burgers were fine. The beer was cold and cheap. The game was on. But most of the like-minded folks were at the bar a whole room away, so it didn't feel like much of an occasion at all.

And then the Panthers failed to score from the 1/2-yard line. And then they failed again. And then the 49ers took a halftime lead on a last-second TD. And then San Fran dominated the second half. And then Robbie and I went home halfway through the fourth quarter to watch the bitter end to what had been an extremely enjoyable season.

And then I took off my Panthers jersey until next season.

+++

At least I, unlike Alex Rodriguez, will have a "next season" to enjoy.

Sunday's 60 Minutes expose on A-Roid was fascinating. Yes, the primary witness against him is a sleazebag with a history of fabricating the truth. But I had to laugh when A-Roid's lawyer intimated that his client was more believable than the sleazebag. Interesting, given that A-Roid spent years and years lying about juicing, only admitting the truth after being caught.

A-Roid is an admitted serial liar and a proven cheat. But now we're supposed to believe him. Funny!

Is it sad that a guy who could have been among the greatest players in baseball history thought cheating was the only way to do it? Nah. Pathetic is a much better word.

I doubt the courts will help A-Roid overturn his suspension for the entire 2014 season. And if there truly is any justice, he will never play another inning in the majors.
^

It's Turkey Time!

^
This kind of snuck up on me this year. I was sitting down, thinking about all I have to be thankful for, and -- wham! -- "Uh-oh, I forgot to choose my Turkey of the Year."

So I'm going to dispense with the long introduction and get right down to the countdown, which will lead to the latest in this parade of  lunkheads, losers, scammers, slimeballs, chokers, cheaters, bullies, boors, pouters and pitiable punching bags:

Mike McCaskey (1998); Jerry Krause (1999); Bobby Knight (2000); David Wells & Frank Thomas (2001); Dick Jauron (2002);Sammy Sosa (2003); Sammy Sosa (2004, the only repeat winner); Andy MacPhail, Jim Hendry & Dusty Baker (2005); Aramis Ramirez (2006); Charlie Weis (2007); Choking Cubbies (2008); Milton Bradley(2009); Mark McGwire (2010); Joe Paterno & Penn State Enablers (2011); U.S. Ryder Cup Team (2012).

As always, this is dedicated to the late, great Gene Seymour, my Copley columnist predecessor and good friend.

10. DOLPHINS OFFENSIVE LINE. You know the old saying: The only time you hear the name of an offensive lineman is when he commits a holding penalty. Or when he leaves voicemails for a fellow lineman filled with vulgarity, profanity and racist taunts. What a mess. It's tough to stay, um, Icognito with this stuff going on.

9. TIM TEBOW. By all accounts, he's a great guy and a noble human being. But being a turkey isn't only about being a wretched human being. Sometimes, it's just about being a wretched quarterback. (And yet he still won one more playoff game as Denver's QB than Peyton Manning and Jay Cutler combined!)

8. GATEHOUSE GANGSTERS. Hey investors! Shares of stock in my former employer can be had for 3 cents apiece! Warning: After systematically gutting the editorial staff over five-plus years and emerging from bankruptcy just this week, it's high time for the pencil-necked weasels who run GateHouse Media to give themselves yet another round of raises and bonuses. Capitalism at its finest!

7. TIGER WOODS. He was golfer of the year and deservedly so. How, then, does he end up on this list? Four more majors by the board, four more also-ran finishes, five years without the only titles he considers truly relevant. As for that two-stroke penalty he had to take for his illegal drop in the Masters, well ... gobble, gobble!

6. DENNIS RODMAN. After befriending Kim Jong Un, Wormy McDiplomat's next project is Charles Manson. "Dude's just a little misunderstood, man."

5. ROB FORD. OK, he's not an athlete, but he is the mayor of a great North American sports town, Toronto, so I'm winging it. Hey, I never thought any politician could top the 2012 GOP presidential circus acts for pure comic relief, but this crack-smoking, drunken-stuporizing, foul-mouthed, real-life Chris Farley character takes the cake. And falls face-first in the frosting on a regular basis.

4. MANTI TE'O. The Notre Dame linebacker enthralled the national media with his heartbreaking story about his longtime girlfriend, who supposedly suffered a tragic death. Problem is, his dearly departed squeeze was no more real than Jan Brady's George Glass. Meanwhile, Alabama showed that Notre Dame's title hopes were an illusion, too.

3. RYAN BRAUN. The Brewers slugger had everything -- fame, talent, money and a legion of loyal fans. But that wasn't enough, so he juiced and made things worse by lying about it. Now, nothing he ever does on the ballfield can be taken seriously. 

2. RILEY COOPER. Eagles wide receiver and infamous cracker threatened to "fight every n----- here" at a Kenny Chesney concert. My immediate reaction: Black people go to Kenny Chesney concerts?

AND NOW ... THE BALDEST TRUTH'S 2013 TURKEY OF THE YEAR:

ALEX RODRIGUEZ

Cheater. Liar. Druggie. Professional Victim. And now he's little more than a pathetic, broken-down lowlife. Yes, the 2012 runner-up was an easy choice as this year's top turkey. 

These days, A-Roid is the poorest multimillionaire on the planet. His wife divorced him. Most of his "friends," no doubt, are the people he pays to stay close to him. Even Yankee fans, not a particularly discerning lot, must have to take long, hot showers after rooting for this miscreant. (I'm talking about the few fans who don't come to the ballpark to boo him.)

There was a time when it seemed possible that he could be the greatest ballplayer ever. Now? As the old-timers would say:

He's just another bum.
^

Nobody is easier to hate than A-Roid

^
First Down

Alex Rodriguez says the last year has been a "nightmare." Poor, poor, pitiful him. I mean, could there be a less-sympathetic figure in sports than A-Roid?

Barry Bonds and Pete Rose look freakin' noble compared to this guy.

I'd rather root for Mike Tyson or Bill Belichick.

Why should anybody believe A-Rod didn't juice when he was a young player in Seattle? Because he says so? That's a good one! If he handed me a quarter, I'd assume it was counterfeit.

Second Down

I am seriously pissed at Time Warner Cable for denying me Showtime -- and the last few episodes of Dexter.

We'll all have the last laugh when cable companies are completely unnecessary, a time that is coming sooner than TWC and its brethren think.

Third Down

In his most recent "Real Time," Bill Maher used his main "New Rule" to rip the North Carolina GOP for its unapologetic, mean-spirited return of the state to the 1950s -- when blacks, Latinos and women knew their place (and knew it wasn't North Carolina).

And to think, I hated Chicago politics.

Fourth Down

Went into my local Costco the other day and they had a table with large, framed, autographed photos of NFL stars. The guy featured most prominently:

Tim Tebow.

In a Jets uniform.

No punchline. None necessary.
^

A-Roid & Dis-Grace battle for the bottom

^
Mark Grace, long admired by Cubbieland denizens as a "good guy," is a convicted felon who soon will start serving a 4-month prison sentence. The former World Series hero -- not with the Cubs, of course, but with the Diamondbacks, for whom he began the title-winning rally in 2001 by singling off Mariano Rivera -- also has been fired from the Diamondbacks' broadcast crew.

This trouble stems from his second DUI in a 15-month span.

Now, some would argue that receiving a DUI doesn't necessarily remove Grace from "good guy" status. After all, lots of everyday folks do a little drinking, do a little driving and do a little getting caught.

I understand that, but here's the deal:

Grace has long been a party boy. Loves to drink and socialize. Is he an alcoholic? Probably, by definition, though I don't know for sure. What I do know for sure is that Grace made millions and millions of dollars as a ballplayer and also was getting paid handsomely as an analyst.

In other words, THE MAN CAN AFFORD A CAB!

While all this was playing out in Arizona, 2,000 miles away in Florida, Alex Rodriguez was one of several players who reportedly bought some performance-enhancing drugs within the last few years.

A-Rod, of course, is denying the accusation in very strong, "how dare anybody say such a thing" terms. It's very similar to the last time he denied a similar accusation, only to have to come clean and apologize for his transgression -- a transgression that very well could cost him Hall of Fame enshrinement down the line.

To say we have absolutely no reason to believe this proven liar and cheater is an understatement.

Now, who is "worse," A-Roid or Dis-Grace?

Alex Rodriguez cheated baseball, cheated fans, cheated kids who might have looked up to him and, in the end, cheated himself.

Mark Grace? He endangered every human being whose path he crossed when he drove his car under the influence of alcohol. He could have killed others and himself.

Given that, his transgression must be considered "worse."

That still doesn't mean Grace is a "bad guy." What it does mean is that he should spend some of his time in prison thinking about how he wants the second half of his life to play out.

He needs help, and I hope he gets it.
^

Stuff yourself silly with the 2012 Turkeys of the Year

^
It's that time of the year, when thoughts turn to the turkey on our plates and the Turkeys who inhabit the sportosphere.

My tradition of choosing a Turkey of the Year goes back to my first year as Copley Newspapers' Chicago columnist, 1998, when Bears president Michael McCaskey was so inept that his mommy fired him.

Since then, it's been a parade of clowns, cads, chokers and chumps: Jerry Krause (1999); Bobby Knight (2000); David Wells & Frank Thomas (2001); Dick Jauron (2002); Sammy Sosa (2003 and 2004); Andy MacPhail, Jim Hendry & Dusty Baker (2005); Aramis Ramirez (2006); Charlie Weis (2007); Choking Cubbies (2008); Milton Bradley (2009); Mark McGwire (2010); Joe Paterno & Penn State Enablers (2011).

(You'll notice that from 1998-2009, most Turkeys of the Year had Chicago and/or Midwest connections because of where I lived and columnized. Now in my second full year as a Southern boy, the Turkey Countdown has a different flavor.)

As always, I dedicate this tradition to my absent friend, Gene Seymour, my Copley columnist predecessor, the founder of Copley's sports turkey awards and one of the great guys journalism has ever known.

10. RYAN KALIL: The Panthers center took out a full-page newspaper ad before the season promising Carolina fans that the team would win the Super Bowl. By the time the Panthers reached their bye week, they were 1-4 and Kalil was done for the season with a foot injury. Great. Now nobody will take out full-page newspaper ads. As if the business isn't in bad enough shape.

9. JEFFREY LORIA: The Marlins owner got taxpayers to foot the bill for a new ballpark and then filled it with expensive players ... for about half a season. When the team stunk, he dumped just about every player who made more than 12 cents and fired Ozzie Guillen for being what Ozzie Guillen always has been. And hey, even Loria's ballpark is ugly.

8. LANCE ARMSTRONG: Yeah ... I know ... it's only really a headline if a cyclist doesn't dope. Still ... this was Lance Freakin' Armstrong, all-American hero, who spent most of a decade cheating and lying.

7. BOBBY VALENTINE: The biggest Boston disaster since Cheers went off the air.

6. NHL OWNERS, PLAYERS & COMMISH GARY BETTMAN: Working together marvelously to keep hockey an irrelevant, niche sport.
 

5. REX RYAN: The Jets had just signed Mark Sanchez to a huge, long-term deal when Ryan traded for Tim Tebow -- ensuring that ever-patient New York fans would be calling for Tebow to play every time Sanchez threw an incomplete pass. Even Jets players know Tebow is terrible, but why should that stop fans from praying for a Tebow miracle?

4. MELKY CABRERA: He was All-Star Game MVP for the winning NL team, thereby giving his Giants homefield advantage in the World Series. Cabrera wasn't there to see the Series, though, having been suspended for juicing. The cool thing is that the Giants won without him. I wonder if he'll get a championship ring?

3. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS FANS: By cheering when QB Matt Cassel got hurt, these yahoos proved that they belong in a second-rate sports town. 

2. ALEX RODRIGUEZ: Followed a bad season with an almost surreal postseason. The richest man in baseball history was benched for three playoff games and pinch-hit for six times. The good news for A-Dud is that the $114 million left on his Yankees contract can buy lots of HGH and plenty of masking agents.

And now, the 2012 Turkeys of the Year:

U.S. RYDER CUP TEAM

There are chokes, there are Cubbie chokes and then there was this, arguably the most complete choke-job in the history of professional sports.

The chokiest of chokers was Jim Furyk. His collapse in his pivotal match capped a year in which he also frittered away the U.S. Open and two PGA Tour events.

This result hardly could be pinned on Furyk alone, however. Tiger Woods didn't record a single point in the entire event. Neither did Steve Stricker, who was joined by Furyk, Bubba Watson, Keegan Bradley and Phil Mickelson on the list of Americans who wet themselves down the stretch.

Holy Heimlich, Batman ... talk about a total team effort.
^

A-Rod sits, Ibanez hits, and sports remains the best reality TV

^

Impressed with Joe Girardi, who had the guts to pinch-hit for Alex Rodriguez.

Impressed with A-Rod, who at least outwardly cheered on his teammate.

And really, really, really impressed with Raul Ibanez, who took A-Rod's place, delivered the game-tying homer in the ninth and followed with the winning shot in the 12th as the Yankees beat the Orioles to take control of their AL playoff series.

It couldn't have been an easy decision for Girardi, who had stuck by the struggling A-Rod through thin and thinner.

Despite some of the most incredible stats in history, Rodriguez probably isn't going to be a Hall of Famer because the majority of voters simply won't check the box next to the name of any juicer. Already fighting a reputation as a choker, it had to be tough to be lifted for a pinch-hitter in the ninth inning of a playoff game. A-Rod no doubt sees himself as an all-time great, but let me tell you ... nobody ever pinch-hit for DiMaggio, Gehrig, Ruth or Mantle in a postseason game.

Oh well, he'll have to make do with his $275 million consolation prize.

As for Ibanez ... he sure made Girardi look like a genius, didn't he? Those were the most impressive hits for an over-the-hill bald guy since, well, since my last softball game.

Actually, I wasn't much of a hitting stud in Tuesday's game. But I didn't embarrass myself much as the mighty Blue Thunder won again.

We're now 7-0, everybody contributes every game, we like each other and it's great fun.

The only downer: I failed to accomplish my main goal of getting through the entire season without any medical issues. Going from first to third on a teammate's hit, I tweaked my right hamstring. Though I stayed in the game, I was hobbled. 

But don't worry, everybody. Seriously, DO NOT WORRY. I mean it. Stop worrying, will ya?

A few Advil later, I'm doing much better. I even spent about an hour at the driving range today and didn't card a single bogey.

----

For those interested in personal finance or my writing -- in other words, for those who are really bored -- check out my latest article at Seeking Alpha: READ IT.

I get dough for each page view, so help me raise money to aid Jewish nuns.

^

Baseball's enduring steroid stain

^
Lots of people claim to be "old school," but they're not. I am.

Need proof? I get the newspaper every day. Need more proof? I read it, front to back. Need still more proof? I even read the agate pages in Sports!

For all you kids out there, the agate pages are those filled will bits of stats and facts and other minutiae and the print usually is really small. So small that us old-schoolers need good reading glasses.

Oh, and for all you kids out there, a newspaper is ... oh, forget it.

Anyway, something in the bottom right corner of the baseball agate page in today's Charlotte Observer caught my eye. It was a string of items in the This Date In Baseball feature that AP makes available daily. Here is the string:

1988 - Jose Canseco became the first major leaguer to hit 40 homers and steal 40 bases in one season.

2000 - Rafael Palmeiro became the 32nd player to hit 400 home runs.

2001 - Alex Rodriguez hit his 48th home run, breaking the major league record for shortstops.

2001 - Sammy Sosa became the first player to hit three home runs in a game three times in a season.

2006 - Barry Bonds hit his 734th career home run, an NL record.

Yep, in baseball's last quarter century, Sept. 23 was a big day for juicers.

Going forward, it's going to be interesting how the game deals with its history concerning this period.

It's difficult for the game to be proud of its heritage when so many of its major milestones were established by guys who got where they were by jabbing themselves in their keisters with syringes.

I mean, how many records and notable achievements involving home runs from 1985-2005 weren't influenced by steroids?
^

Trying to remember how to have a ball

^
Aside from the obvious -- my kids and my close friends -- the thing I miss the most about Chicago is baseball.

When I came to that realization, it surprised me a little. After all, I'm neither a Cubs fan nor a White Sox fan ... and, in fact, I spent the a good part of my 16 years there making fun of both teams.

(OK, I made lots more fun of the Cubbies. For 100-plus obvious reasons. But that's besides the point.)

Looking back, there was something cool about waking up every summer morning knowing there was going to be a game in my town that afternoon or evening. And as one who made a living chronicling the adventures of Ozzie, Sammy, Paulie and Gracie, it truly was comforting, too.

Here in Charlotte, we don't have baseball. Even the Triple-A team plays in a suburb across the border in South Carolina. I'd call the Knights an afterthought, but that would be insulting afterthoughts everywhere.

Fortunately, I can follow baseball pretty easily. On any given night, there are a half-dozen games being aired on some combination of ESPN, MLB, WGN and the various regional sports channels on my cable package.

Oh yeah, there's that InterWeb thingy, too. That comes in handy.

So anyway ...

This being the All-Star break -- and with another of Bud Selig's thrilling This Time It Counts All-Star Games in the books -- I thought I'd take a quick look at what we've seen to date and what we'll see in the season's second half.

FIVE BIGGEST STORIES SO FAR:

5. The Angels' season has been saved by a rookie (Mike Trout) who makes roughly a zillionth as much money as the guy who was supposed to save them (Albert Pujols).

4. The NL East has become the Bizarro Division, with the Nationals rolling to a 4-game lead over the Braves ... and a 14-game lead over the Phillies.

3. Statistically, two-time Cy Young Award winner Tim Lincecum is the worst pitcher in the major leagues. Somehow, his Giants are in a dead heat with the Dodgers atop the NL West.

2. Pitchers great (Matt Cain) and not so great (Phil Humber) threw perfect games, and three other guys threw no-hitters, but it was a guy who could "only" throw a couple of one-hitters, R.A. Dickey, who knuckled his way into the headlines the most.

1. The Pirates are in first place. Repeat: The Pittsburgh Effin Pirates are in first place!!

NL FIRST-HALF MVP BALLOT:

5. Melky Cabrera. Batting .356 for a Giants team with nary another .300 hitter.

4. Carlos Beltran. 20 HR, 65 RBI for Cardinals. Albert Who?

3. David Wright. I thought the Mets would be anchored in last place by now.

2. Joey Votto. The Big Red Hitting Machine.

1. Andrew McCutchen. You did get the memo that the Pittsburgh Effin Pirates are in first place, right?

AL FIRST-HALF MVP BALLOT:

5. Mike Trout. Albert's Angels were wound too tight until the kid showed 'em how to have fun again.

4. Paul Konerko. Once again, Mr. Dependable on the South Side.

3. Robinson Cano. A swing of beauty for the Yankees.

2. Miguel Cabrera. After a slow start, the Tigers are right there.

1. Josh Hamilton. Duh.

FIVE THOUGHTS HEADING IN THE SECOND HALF:

5. I admit I was skeptical at first, but I'm loving the idea of the second wild-card team. There finally is real incentive to winning a division vs. being a wild-card team, and this situation sets up potentially incredible races between the Rangers and Angels; the White Sox and Tigers (sorry Indians; I'm not feeling ya); the Pirates and the rest of the NL Central; and, especially, the Dodgers and Giants. If I'm gonna criticize The Commish for his silly ideas, I have to praise him for his good ones.

4. Cubbieland needs to let Anthony Rizzo be the 22-year-old rookie and not ask him to be the next Tyler Colvin. Because ridiculous expectations didn't work out so well for the last Tyler Colvin.

3. I wouldn't bet against Pujols finishing with 30 HR, 100 RBI and a postseason berth. Someday before his contract expires, he'll be mediocre. Someday, however, is still lots and lots and lots of days away. (Meanwhile, someday seems to have arrived for Alex Rodriguez. Hey, nobody ever said life without HGH would be easy.)

2. Really looking forward to Robin Ventura matching wits with Jim Leyland down the stretch.

1. Nats vs. Pirates in the NLCS! Crazy? Impossible? Well, the Twins and Braves each finished in last place in 1990, a year before they met in the best World Series I've ever seen.

My new deal and La Russa's new coach

^

The Bald Truth

Within a few days, The Baldest Truth will be joining the family of a major media company. I will provide details as soon as things are finalized.

Yes, if you're like me, you're so excited you can barely keep down the 2 1/2 pounds of bacon you had for breakfast!

The Balder Truth

For underdog lovers everywhere, it sure was heartwarming to see those freckle-faced lads Alex Rodriguez, Mark Teixeira and Derek Jeter hugging and squealing like schoolgirls after they and the rest of their underpaid, no-name New York crew won the AL pennant.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Sources close to Tony La Russa's ego say Jose Canseco will be the Cardinals' new strength and conditioning coach.

On the next Heroes: A-Roid and Bulky Barry

^

The Bald Truth

Thrilled to see Alex Rodriguez come through in the clutch for the Yankees. You know, it's about time one of America's unselfish, clean-living, freckle-faced lads gets a little well-deserved attention.

The Balder Truth

Congratulations, President Obama! Then again, if I had known that all it took to win the Nobel Peace Prize was not getting my hometown the Olympics, I'd have campaigned for Milford, Conn., decades ago.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

How wonderful that a San Francisco hospital has accepted a $250,000 donation from one of the city's all-time sports icons to create the modestly named Barry Bonds Family Foundation Playroom.

Besides a Lego station, a slide and a reading area, the playroom has intelligently placed dispensers for the clear and the cream at heights any kid can reach.

No cork-popping for Sammy

^

The List

Sammy and his handlers aren't talking publicly yet, but they already are getting their excuses lined up in a row:

5. It was a mistake. I just picked the wrong drugs, the ones I use for batting practice - just to put on a show for the fans. I like to make people happy.

4. I accidentally took the spiked supplements that Miguel Tejada gave Rafael Palmeiro.

3. No comprende, senor.

2. Have you ever tried to pick up the key to New York City? It's heavy, buddy! I had to do something to get a little stronger.

1. It was A-Rod's cousin's fault!

The Bald Truth

But seriously, folks ... I don't know about you, but I am shocked.

Shocked, I tell you!

I mean, who would have looked at Sammy Sosa back in his 60-plus-homer heyday and thought, "Hey, this guy just might be ingesting more than Flintstones vitamins, his claimed performance-enhancers"?

Sammy was so svelte back then. Not at all Michelin Mannish. His head wasn't the size of a musk melon, only a cantaloupe.

And he was so even-keeled. No 'roid rage with Sammy. No paranoia. No moodiness. He was always about the team. Never about the stats. Never about the money. 

He certainly wasn't the kind of guy who'd panic and react to a slump by corking a bat or anything.

Hey, just because the New York Times says Sammy's name was on the list of 104 juicers - right up the alphabet from A-Roid Rodriguez - in what was supposed to be an anonymous testing back in 2003, does that make it true?

Next thing you know, all these negative nabobs will be saying that Mark McGwire and Barry Bonds were taking steroids, too!

The Question

While giving journalistic props to the Times and to Sports Illustrated (which broke the A-Roid story earlier this year), doesn't it make you squirm just a little knowing that something supposedly done in strict confidence is being leaked to the media drip by drip?

THE BALDEST TRUTH

They are all guilty, every last one. 

From the juicers themselves to the skinniest dude in cleats who never even took aspirin to the managers to the GMs to the union honchos to The Commish.

They all knew it was going on and they all looked the other way.

Nobody's clean. Nobody.

So when the time comes, do those of us with Hall of Fame votes check the box next to Sosa, Bonds, Roger Clemens and their ilk ... or do we refuse to vote for anybody who played between 1983 and 2004, even if it means we have to turn in blank ballots?

Green is the color of the day

^

The Bald Truth

Just days after paying AC Milan $92 million for Brazilian midfielder Kaka, Real Madrid agreed to fork over $131 million to Manchester United just for the right to work out a contract with Portuguese midfielder Christiano Rinaldo. Wow! That's a lot of green just to increase the team's goals-per-game average from 1.04 to 1.05.

And this just in: Sources say the Yankees contacted Real Madrid to see how much the soccer club would pay for Alex Rodriguez. 

"We can't promise he'll come through with the season on the line," Hank Steinbrenner was overheard saying. "But at least he'll supply his own syringes."

The Balder Truth

The Eagles have given Donovan McNabb a new contract, and the deal is unique to say the least.

It contains the first per-boo incentive clause in sports history.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Gotta give John Daly credit: The man has style.

He's charitable, too. After the St. Jude Classic, he's donating his pants to the Sad Clowns Society.

Contreras, Theriot and other jocks worth rooting for

^

The Bald Truth

Here's something you don't see everyday: A ballplayer sending himself to the minors because he knows it's best for him and his team.

Once banished from the White Sox rotation, Jose Contreras could have gone to the bullpen to try to solve his problems. There, he would have continued to enjoy all the trappings that go with big-league life. Instead, he asked to be sent down so he could work things out while starting ballgames.

Here's a guy who came back much earlier than expected from Achilles tendon surgery because he wanted to help the team, and now he's making this sacrifice. It's almost enough to make me feel sorry for constantly poking fun at Jose's age, which is somewhere around 50. Give or take a decade.

Sure, he's still making his major-league salary, but in this era of egos run amok, Contreras' actions are pretty darn selfless.

Kind of makes you want to root for the big lug.

The Balder Truth

It's also easy to to root for the Houston Rockets, who are without Tracy McGrady and Yao Ming but have taken the Lakers to a seventh game. You go, Luis Scola, whoever you are.

Also, the feisty, young Blackhawks, who are about to begin an epic series against the defending Stanley Cup champs. I'm saying Red Wings in 7, but I never thought Patrick Kane, Nikolai Khabibulin and the rest of the Hawks could get this far. So I'm prepared to be wrong again.

And ever-hustling Dodgers LF Juan Pierre, who has the impossible task of replacing Manny Ramiroid and is doing a great job so far.

And even Michael Phelps, who could have gone into a defensive shell in the wake of Bong-Gate but instead has handled his return to the pool with humor and class.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Speaking of class, I couldn't help but admire the words and deeds of Ryan Theriot on Friday.

The Sun-Times featured a column by Rick Telander, who theorized that the steroid culture in baseball condemns everyone - even a suddenly-home-run-crazy little Cubbie shortstop.

It was a legitimate point, but the headline - which screamed: "SMALL HITTER, BIG PROBLEM" - suggested that Theriot was sharing syringes with A-Roid or something. (As is the case with most columnists, Telander didn't write the headline.)

Unlike most athletes, who only look at the headline and get mad at the writer, Theriot took the time to read the entire column. And while he didn't like the feeling of being dragged through the mud, he was able to focus on reality.

"Once you get into the article - and I have read it a few times - you realize the point is a valid point," Theriot said. "It's more about what the game's come to. The headline could have been written a little differently. When you read something like that, it associates you with something you don't want to be associated with. 

"I feel I have lived my life the right way from day one. Hopefully, that will overcome a headline like that. It's tough when others make mistakes and you get drug into it."

He went on to say he hasn't even taken any supplements since 2005.

"The risk-reward wasn't worth it to even take that chance," he said. "My supplements for the last four or five years have been Gatorade and water."

Most of the time, I don't believe these roid-denying jocks, but you know what? I absolutely believe Ryan Theriot.

Understand this, Joe: Don't shoot the A-Roid messenger

^

The List

Eight observations at the baseball season's one-month mark:

1. Hey, Joe Girardi, the Yankees need you to manage your ballclub, not the news. You might or might not win doing the former, but you sure as hell won't win trying to do the latter.

Girardi spent far too much of his Sunday ripping into Selena Roberts for writing a book about Alex Rodriguez and the publishers of "A-Rod" for moving up the release date after some of the book's passages were leaked to a New York tabloid.

"It's interesting how the book date got moved up," Girardi told the rabid New York press corps. "I don't understand why someone would write a book like this anyway."

Oh, please. Joe is Northwestern educated. He's a smart guy. He knows exactly why this book was written.

For one, because A-Rod, the highest-paid athlete in the history of team sports, sullied his name, his employers and his sport by taking steroids and repeatedly lying about it. For another, because the book will sell and make money for the publisher and for Roberts, a talented Sports Illustrated writer.

You know, money. That's the same reason Rodriguez plays baseball instead of working as an administrative assistant for a non-profit organization. The same reason, by his own admission, that he took 'roids in the first place. The same reason Girardi works as a manager for the Steinbrenners instead of working as a stockboy for a family that owns a chain of shoe stores.

As for the book date getting moved up ... hello! Again, money. Strike while the fire is hot. In November, most ballparks will be cold, but that didn't stop MLB from pushing this year's World Series into November - because of money.

Among other things, Roberts' book alleges that A-Roid took performance-enhancers since joining the Yankees - after he swore on a stack of syringes that he stopped juicing before he left Texas for New York. The book also suggests he took steroids back in his high school days.

Surely, A-Roid vehemently denied these ridiculous allegations once they became public, right?

Uh, no. He just said he wouldn't talk about them. Best not to be caught in more lies, I suppose.

"A-Rod" is important to baseball's history. And it will be one of the top selling books this year.

Surely, Northwestern Joe does understand all of that.

2. Pitchers should not try to leg out bunt hits. Carlos Zambrano did just that - not only tried but succeeded. The cost, however, could be high. The Cubs ace hurt his hamstring and will miss some starts.

His manager defended him for his aggressiveness, and I get where Lou Piniella is coming from, but really? He wants his $90 million pitcher doing this in an early-May game - especially when said pitcher has so much power that Lou has used him as a pinch-hitter repeatedly this season?

Next time, Lou, tell Cra-Z to swing the bat.

3. Cito Gaston had a reputation as a "push-button manager" his first time around in Toronto. So when the Blue Jays fired him a few seasons after he led a powerhouse team to consecutive championships, no other team was willing to hire him for an entire decade. 

Now Gaston is back running the Blue Jays and they are in first place. Once again, they have a high-scoring lineup, as well as one of baseball's best pitchers in Roy Halladay.

It must at least be possible that the manager is doing something right, no?

4. It's time for the White Sox to thank Jose Contreras for everything he did back in 2005 and then present him with lovely parting gifts.

No team needs an 83-year-old pitcher with an 8.31 ERA.

No contending team does, anyway.

5. Toronto, Kansas City, Seattle, Florida, St. Louis.

Well, maybe some of us at least picked the Dodgers to take the NL West.

(Not me, of course, but some of us.)

6. And speaking of surprises: Jason Marquis ... Colorado Rockies ... 4-1 ... 3.31 ERA. The Cubbie and Redbird reject has almost half of his team's wins. Wow.

7. Here's something a little less shocking: Albert Pujols is the best hitter in baseball. Period.

Based on what I've seen - dropped throws, failed scoops and muffed grounders - Pujols' fielding at first base is a little overrated. 

But there is nothing overrated about the man's .356 average, 9 homers and 29 RBIs for a surprise first-place Cardinals club.

8. Based on the early evidence, there is not one great team in the majors this season.

More than just a few bad ones, though.

Hey, Bears: T.O., baby!

^

The List

Ten reasons the Bears should sign Terrell Owens:

1. Why should Brian Urlacher have to carry the burden of being the team's only overhyped, overpaid, over-the-hill guy?

2. T.O. would show Devin Hester how to drop passes like a true pro.

3. Without Tank Johnson, Cedric Benson and Rex Grossman, Bear Country has gotten too damn boring.

4. All those who hate Ron Turner's offense would be able to live vicariously through T.O., who no doubt would articulate his feelings about 15 minutes into the season opener.

5. Ever since Moose Muhammad left, the Bears haven't had anybody to take cheap shots at Kyle Orton. Anybody other than Jerry Angelo, anyway.

6. In the words of Drew Rosenhaus: "Next question!"

7. T.O. is politically correct. He'll disrespect a black coach and a white QB just as completely as he disrespected a white coach and a black QB.

8. Did I say they should sign T.O.? What was I thinking? He'd have no chance to crack a receiving corps that includes Brandon Rideau and Rashied Davis.

9. We know the Bears are "close" to winning the Super Bowl because Coach Lovie says so, and T.O. obviously would be the final piece of the championship puzzle.

10. He already is working on his first end-zone celebration as a Bear: spiking the football over the crossbar while doing a spot-on imitation of Da Coach going postal on Jim Harbaugh.

The Bald Truth

Now that a stand-up, clean-living citizen like Darryl Strawberry has said he, too, would have used steroids, it certainly takes all the juicers off the hook.

The Question

Does A-Roid really have a torn labrum in his hip, or is he just trying to scam some doctor into writing him a prescription for Primobolan?

THE BALDEST TRUTH

If you don't watch Friday Night Lights yet, please start doing so: Friday on NBC at 8 p.m. Central.

This show about teen angst, big-time Texas prep football and adults' uncanny ability to mess up youth sports is too good to be scrapped due to lack of viewership.

Step up, people!

Of Oscar errors, stupid rules and Joe the Twin

^

The List

Ten random observations from the weekend that was:

1. Not rooting for the Twins to beat the White Sox (or for the White Sox to beat the Twins, for that matter), but I hope good guy Joe Crede has a healthy, productive season for his new ballclub. 

2. To the press-conference inquisitor who got Jim Calhoun all hot and bothered: Successful major-sport college coaches deserve every penny they are paid. Nobody at any university - and that includes the school president - works harder or faces more scrutiny than the head basketball or football coach.

3.  Interviewing is easy if one can do it in the setting in which Baba Wawa always gets to ask questions - one-on-one with the subject, with the camera rolling and with millions of viewers watching (or about to watch). She'd impress me a lot more if she got anything substantive out of an angry jock in the corner of a crowded locker room.

4. Late in Sunday's Bulls-Pacers game, Stacey King identified 17 games the Bulls "should" win before season's end (including Sunday's contest). His team promptly lost. Hey Stacey: The Lakers or Celtics are good enough to say they should win a game; the Bulls aren't. Fact is, opposing teams - including the Pacers - think they should beat the Bulls every time.

5. As outstanding as Sean Penn was in Milk, even he gave a shout-out to deserving Best Actor winner Mickey Rourke. I'd like to thank the Academy ... for missing the obvious.

6. Rutgers receiver Kevin Britt told reporters at the NFL Combine that he wants to be drafted by the Bears so Devin Hester can be his "mentor." That's a good one. Were Britt at receiver for the Bears, he'd have to tell Hester where to line up on half the plays.

7. Wow ... 70 points for the Illini. Just like a big-boy team!

8. Not a single day will go by in 2009 without one of the New York papers coming up with some dirt on A-Roid.

9. Smart of Phil Mickelson to squeeze in a victory before Tiger returns to the tour.

10. The Bulls have told all recent acquisitions that they're still enforcing their no-headband mandate. Brilliant rule! Very important to a team's success! Thank goodness they won't let a headband-wearing loser like LeBron join the team when he becomes a free agent next year.

A-Roid's really stupid if he thinks we believe him

^

The Bald Truth

Nicely done, Alex Rodriguez: The Young and Stupid Defense. 

At his first press conference since being nailed for being a needle-in-the-keister juicer, A-Roid applied that defense to any question he didn't feel like answering. 

It was kind of like listening to a drunk driver saying he didn't know what he was doing because, well, he was drunk. 

Of course, unlike the Billion-Dollar Ballplayer, the drunk driver is punished for his crime.

The Quote I

"I didn't think we were taking steroids. That's again part of being young and stupid. It was over the counter. All these years, I never thought I did anything wrong."

Perfect. That explains why A-Roid kept his juicing secret "all these years" and repeatedly lied whenever asked about it.

The Balder Truth

Really, Alex? It was your unnamed "cousin" who got you the crap and shot you up with it? 

That's splendid. And when I was 12, I had a beautiful girlfriend who lived in California.

And really? A-Roid didn't know if he was taking drugs properly or if they were benefiting him at all, but he kept doing it for three years as he piled up the stats and the money?

This guy's a pistol.

The Quote II

"I knew we weren't taking Tic Tacs."

Yeah, I thought I was shooting up Altoids. That's how young and stupid I was.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

During his press conference, A-Roid said nothing to make us believe his claim that he didn't start juicing until 2001. Nor should any intelligent observer accept his assertion that he hasn't taken HGH or other hard-to-detect performance enhancers since he saw the light in 2003.

Hey, I'm not outraged by anything A-Roid says or does. (Or, for that matter, anything the hundreds of other juicers this last quarter-century have said or done.) Through their willingness to support their teams at any price, fans have shown they don't care what their heroes do off the field, so why should I or any other media mope be outraged?

All I'm saying is the man is a proven liar and cheater, and that's all the information anybody needs about him as a human being.

Bottom line: 

One would have to be pretty young and stupid to believe a word the man says.

Northwestern? Never!

^
The Bald Truth

Now that Northwestern has blown a 50-point lead in the last 2 minutes (or something like that) against Illinois, can the inexplicably hopeful Chicago media corps please stop suggesting that this might be the year the Mildcats finally make the NCAAs?

The List

Five things that will happen before Northwestern makes its NCAA hoops tourney debut:

1. America will elect another black president. And a female president. And a Jewish president. And an Albino president. And Blago president. And ... well, you get the idea.

2. The Cubs will celebrate their sixth straight World Series championship, breaking the record of the 1949-53 Yankees.

3. Phil Mickelson will beat Tiger Woods on the first playoff hole at Augusta.

4. Saying "Why bother fighting it any more?" Bud Selig will announce new rules requiring every ballplayer to take steroids, HGH, greenies and Flintstones Vitamins.

5. Everything and anything. Because Northwestern will never make the NCAAs. Never, ever, ever. OK, I'll stop trying to sugarcoat this: NEVER!

The Letter

From Wally Boller of Galesburg, Ill.: "I would like to go on the record with this prediction: Thirty minutes before the New York Jets' first game next fall, Brett Favre will drive up in a taxi, in full uniform, run out on the field and announce that he has decided not to retire after all."

And 30 minutes after that, ESPN will report that he might or might not retire after the season.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Forget all the A-Roid stuff. In what had to be the wildest baseball story of the offseason, an ex-girlfriend of Robbie Alomar filed a $15 million civil suit alleging that the likely Hall of Fame second baseman demanded unprotected sex with her for four years despite showing obvious signs that he had AIDS. Alomar has called her a liar.

I won't question the woman's sincerity because I don't know her or the circumstances, but I do wonder why she stuck around for four years.

I mean, it took abused ump John Hirschbeck only about four seconds to realize he never wanted to see Alomar again.

By the way, if my fellow BBWAA Hall of Fame voters are going to use the integrity, character and sportsmanship clauses to dismiss A-Roid and other juicers, shouldn't they give a big thumbs-down to Alomar when he becomes eligible for the next election class?

Or is inserting a syringe in one's own posterior less sportsmanlike than spitting in an umpire's face?

Juicers Hall of Fame

^
Got a call the other day from USA Today, which was polling BBWAA Hall of Fame voters about A-Roid Rodriguez. The question:

Will I or won't I vote for him when he becomes eligible five years after he retires?

My answer was a reluctant yes.

And not only for A-Roid but for Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens and, starting next year, Mark McGwire, for whom I hadn't voted his first three years on the ballot. (Sammy Sosa is a tougher sell, because he was caught corking his bat, too.)

What's starting to sink in for me is that the use of performance-enhancing drugs was so widespread from 1985 (and maybe earlier) through 2005 (and maybe later) that I probably either have to vote for every deserving ballplayer or no ballplayer at all, regardless of his stats.

It's obvious that we can't trust any of them. For example, Frank Thomas has denied ever taking steroids and was among the first players to welcome random testing. Then again, he was huge, he was muscular, he was moody and his body broke down, all tell-tale signs of juicing. Now please, I'm not saying The Big Hurt was The Big Syringe. All I'm saying is that we can't be sure.

So do we exclude only the guys named in the Mitchell Report? (Don't forget: McGwire and Sosa were barely mentioned.)

Do we exclude only the Mitchell guys and those whose names are about to be made public from the 2003 testing procedure? (That's what sunk A-Roid, thanks to great reporting by Sports Illustrated's Selena Roberts.)

Do we exclude only the Mitchell guys, the 2003 guys and those we're pretty darned sure took steroids?

Do we exclude only the Mitchell guys, the 2003 guys, the pretty-darned-sure guys and the guys we now suspect are taking HGH and other hard-to-detect enhancers?

Do guys who admit and apologize - even if their admissions and/or apologies are as unsatisfying as A-Roid's was - get dibs over guys who deny? What if the deniers are telling the truth?

Do we throw out two decades of candidates - every darned one of them, from frauds like A-Roid to choir boys like Jim Thome - because even if they weren't users they surely knew juicing was going on in their clubhouses and they chose to ignore it?

Or do we say this:

"Hey, there was the Dead Ball Era, the Live Ball Era, the greenies era, the nearly century-long era that didn't let black men play big-league ball and, from 1985-on, the Steroid Era. The Hall of Fame always has been about how players stacked up against their peers ... and McGwire had to bat against Clemens, Andy Pettitte had to pitch to A-Roid and so on."

The latter is where I'm leaning.

Now excuse me while I go take a long, hot, cleansing shower.

If A-Roid outrages, it'll be a first

^
A-Roid ... A-Fraud ... Ste-Rod ... where does baseball go from here?

At least pro rasslin' is honest about being make-believe.

Seriously, are we supposed to accept as fact any statistic compiled by Alex Rodriguez? Are we supposed to accept any stat by any ballplayer who played from 1985-2005?

Even the guys who contend they're "clean" are guilty - if not by deed than by association.

When Jose Canseco turns out to be the conscience of baseball, the sport is in trouble.

Or maybe not.

Maybe, as I suspect, the vast majority of the paying, viewing, listening and reading public doesn't care who juiced, who didn't and who still might be enjoying the benefits of HGH and other hard-to-detect performance enhancers.

Did the Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens allegations convince even 10 people to stop following the exploits of their favorite ballclubs? Five? Didn't think so.

I certainly have difficulty whipping up a good case of outrage when the people who pay these guys' salaries line up to buy tickets and souvenirs and beer. I mean, Sammy Sosa corked his bat and took "Flintstones Vitamins," yet Cubbie fans paid seemingly any price to go to games at the Wrigley Brewtap back then, and they're paying even higher prices now.

So which is it now that A-Roid - the likely all-time home run king before his career ends - probably took slugger's little helpers? Outrage or shoulder shrugs?

Rasslin' with sticks and baseballs ... hey, if everybody's accepting it, I guess it must be OK.

And who knows? Maybe Mickey Rourke can play A-Roid in the movies someday.