THE JOY OF SIX: The Masters, the presidential race and the return of the Sons of Pitches

^
6. How 'bout that Jordan Spieth, huh? Every time Phil Mickelson or Justin Rose or anybody else drew within a few strokes of him at the Masters, the 21-year-old Texan would birdie the next couple of holes and re-open a commanding lead. He ended up breaking a bunch of records and tying Tiger Woods' mark for best Masters score ever. Pretty impressive.

I know that I'm looking forward to many years of him dueling with Rory McIlroy, the reigning king who is only 25 himself. Then again, I remember Tiger and Sergio Garcia going toe-to-toe as youngsters in the 1999 PGA Championship at Medinah and thinking, "Wow, it's gonna be fun watching these guys go at each other for the next decade or two."

How has that worked out?

^^^

5. At one point, CBS showed a list of the last 10 Masters champions -- reminding me that the one and only Masters I ever covered (or ever will cover) was won by the "least good" (to borrow a phrase from former Bears coach Dick Jauron) champion in decades. Maybe ever.

Despite shooting a 75 in the final round, Trevor Immelman beat a field that never really showed up. Woods tried to rally but got no closer than 3 strokes. Immelman hasn't won since and, since 2012, he has missed the cut more than he has made it. In 10 starts so far this year, he has made the cut twice.

Trevor Freakin' Immelman won "my" Masters. But hey, at least the weather was perfect and I got to see a golf course that actually exceeded my very lofty expectations.

^^^

4. It seems almost impossible that the race for the GOP presidential nomination could top 2012 for sheer craziness, but the candidates are off to a running start.

Ted Cruz is an absolute loony, which is fitting because he was born in Canada (unlike our current Kenya-born president). Rand Paul is supposed to be a Libertarian but he already is sucking up to the far right. Chris Christie just came out with Social Security reform that looks suspiciously like a liberal re-distribution plan. Marco Rubio is backtracking from his compassionate immigration policy because to the party base, there is no room for compassion in an immigration policy.

I already miss Herman "9-9-9" Cain, Rick "Oops" Perry, Mitt "47 Percent" Romney and Newt "I Guarantee $2.50 Gas" Gingrich.

And isn't there anything anybody can do to get Michele Bachmann to run again? She just predicted that Barack Obama's Iran policy would result in the End Times and usher in Jesus' return to earth, saying: "I believe the Bible is true. And believe what the Bible says is  that our nation and the people of our nation will reap a whirlwind, and we could see economic disasters, natural disasters."

I don't remember any mention of the U.S. of A. in either testament, but I admit I'm no biblical scholar.

^^^

3. Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton finally stopped delaying the inevitable and announced online that she would be running for the Democratic nomination.

She's a piece of work, too. She actually might be a bigger liar storyteller than her hubby.

It's gonna be a fun 17 months until November 2016.

^^^

2. The Cubs paid $155 million to a left-hander who gets the yips every time he thinks about throwing to first to hold the runner. In Jon Lester's last start, he threw one so far over the first baseman's head it almost landed in the stands. It's the damnedest thing. So Cubbie.

Fortunately for the Cubs, the right fielder chased down the baseball and gunned the runner out at third base.

Obviously, it was a set play orchestrated by Joe Maddon, the latest Savior Skipper who for sure will take the Cubbies to the pennant.

^^^

1. My over-50 softball league's season has begun and I'm thrilled to be back with the Sons of Pitches. Our manager/pitcher, Pat, traded for me because he knows I'm the ultimate softball stud. Either that or he just wanted to be sure he had somebody to drink with after games. (OK, I guarantee it's not the "stud" thing.)

Pat and I entered the league as teammates in 2012 and played one season with the Blue Thunder. He decided to become a manager the following year and traded for me. The Sons of Pitches capped a very nice two-year run by winning the '14 fall championship, but then in accordance with league rules, we (and all other teams) were broken up for the league-wide re-draft.

For the SoP's latest incarnation, Pat did a nice job of getting 5 of us back together, as Pat and I are joined by Bob, Spike (the other Mike) and Wayne. Our 8 teammates seem like great guys and fine players. Definitely a fun group. I'd list 'em all here by name but I'm still getting to know them.

Our season started Tuesday and we promptly gave up the maximum 5 runs in the top of the first inning. It was a delightful combination of booted grounders, errant throws, walks and other assorted miscues. We only managed one run ourselves and gave up a couple more runs over the next 3 innings to fall behind 7-1 going into the bottom of the 4th.

Pat, who fancies himself as quite the motivator, yelled, "Do you guys wanna win or what?" Duly inspired, we scratched out 3 runs to make it a 7-4 game. We held our opponent scoreless in the fifth and I led off the bottom of the inning.

While coaching third base earlier in the game, I had a brief conversation with the opposing third baseman. He had a great glove and a gun for an arm, but he told me he was having knee problems and wouldn't be able to move very well. I joked that I was going to lay down a bunt.

Now, bunting isn't allowed in slow-pitch softball ... but swinging bunts are another story. I took a mighty cut and the ball traveled all of about 15 feet down the third-base line. Using my cheetah-like speed -- I mean, there's nothing faster than a bald, slightly chunky, 50-something Jewboy -- I beat out the infield hit.

"Real" hits -- the kind that actually leave the infield -- followed, one after the other, and by the time the 5th inning was over, we had an 8-7 lead. The umpire's timer went off during the inning, meaning the 6th would be the last. Pat retired the first two batters before giving up a hit, but he stranded the tying run by inducing a come-backer. After he threw to first, it was time to head to the bar.

There's nothing wrong with winning ugly, because there's no such thing as losing pretty.

The Sons of Pitches are back, baby!
^

Hey Tiger: Hire me as swing coach!

Tiger Woods

Former Majors Champion

The Woods Compound

Orlando, Fla.

Dear Mr. Woods:

It has come to my attention that you need a new swing coach (again), and I am sure I would be perfect for the job. Here is my resume:

1985 -- Underwent back surgery to repair a herniated disc. After that, my golf game only improved over the years ... to the point where I often break 100 on public courses now. I'm sure I could improve your game every bit as much as you deal with a bad back.

1996 – Demonstrated great motivational technique while on a Michigan golf junket with former Copley columnist Gene Seymour.

Gene (standing over 3-foot birdie putt): This is just like the one I missed yesterday.

Me: That’s a great thought to put in your mind. Just shut up and make the putt. (He did!)

1997 -- Covered the Western Open at Cog Hill, and my mere presence inside the ropes obviously inspired you to victory.

1998 – Became a columnist and took advantage of the spare time I suddenly had to revamp my swing, turning my fade into a draw. OK, so it really was turning a banana slice into a duck hook, but it still showed an openness to explore different styles. That fall at Mistwood, I used my new form to make 7 pars in an 11-hole stretch, as witnessed by Tim Cronin. You, too, could enjoy that kind of consistency.

1999 – Made a downhill 25-footer to birdie Medinah No. 3’s famed second hole on PGA Championship media day. Had the ball not gone into the cup, it probably would have ended up in the lake. Later parred 12 and 17 - all part of my nifty 101. You have to admit, not many pros are capable of shooting a 101.

2000-08 – Regularly contended for third place in weekly golf games organized by myself, Phil Arvia and Teddy Greenstein. As a bonus, I got to drive back to Chicago in rush hour. Those 2-hour slogs built my character and proved my resolve.

2000 – Birdied consecutive holes at The Merit Club during U.S. Women’s Open media day. Given that I didn’t make anything better than a bogey on the other 16 holes, this showed my ability to rise to the occasion.

2001 – Playing the 16th hole at Mill Creek Golf Club in Geneva, Ill., with three fellow golfers on the tee box and four more standing near the green, I yanked my tee shot into the water. I then re-teed and hit a big hook that landed on the far right side of the green, bounced several times and went into the cup on the left side of the green for that rarest of shots: a hole-in-3! Although one of my playing partners, Gene Chamberlain, carded a birdie - meaning I didn't even have honors on the next hole - this demonstrated my ability to respond to adversity.

2003 -- Beat Nick "Woosie" Pietruszkiewicz by a stroke on the front 9 at Buffalo Grove Golf Club. So what if he beat my by 13 strokes on the back 9? I showed that for a couple of hours, if I'm playing my best, I can outplay a good golfer playing his worst.

2005 -- Playing Pelican Point in Gonzalez, La., the day after a Bears-Saints game - and less than three months after Hurricane Katrina devastated New Orleans - I scored an 81, my personal best for a "grown-up" course. I started with four 6's but then went par or better on 10 of the next 12 holes. The stretch included a career-high six straight pars. It also included a chip-in birdie; those familiar with my short game might argue that was rarer than my hole-in 3 back in '01. Even though I finished bogey-bogey to ruin my bid to break 80, I don't know how you or any pro could look at such an achievement and fail to be impressed.

2006 -- Birdied No. 18 at River Oaks (a.k.a. Fuddruckers National) to win several dollars - more than 1, less than 10 - off of Arvia and Greenstein. I know you like to gamble when you play, and I definitely will give you a run for your money ... if you give me enough strokes ... 18 per side should do it ... or maybe 24.

2007 -- Played 108 holes in 72 hours in Michigan with Tony Pellikan and Tom Chodzko. Talk about toughness and resilience!

2009 -- On consecutive days while golfing in Phoenix, I saw a coyote, a roadrunner and Alice Cooper. You, too, could benefit from my keen powers of observation.

2010 – Following my move from Chicago to Charlotte, I began a three-year stint working in customer service at country clubs - first River Hills, then Ballantyne.

During this time, I practiced hard to get rid of my trademark draw/hook. Now, I have no idea which direction the ball will go once it leaves my club, which speaks to my spontaneity and sense of humor.

I also routinely gave playing tips to members and their kids, the most effective being: “If you want to be any good at all, watch me and then do things the exact opposite way.”

2011 -- Started drinking beer again, a must when dealing with the likes of you.

2012 – After cutting the corner with a long drive and dropping a 5-iron within 2 ½ feet, I made the putt to eagle the 490-yard 11^th hole at Ballantyne CC. This tale of my only career eagle surely would inspire any golfer to greatness, so I will be happy to recount my heroics weekly. Or even daily, if you insist.

2014 – Stopped working at Ballantyne CC to concentrate on landing a job as your swing coach because I knew it would be only a matter of time before you blamed Sean Foley for your problems.

So how about it, Mr. Woods … hire me, employ my proven What Not To Do swing techniques, and start winning majors again!

Sincerely,

Mike

Today's High 5: Asking politically correct golf fans and Game of Thrones nerds to chill out

5. Those who believe the PGA should have suspended, fined or punished Sergio Garcia in some other way for his racist "fried chicken" remark aimed at Tiger Woods, get a clue.

Garcia already has been punished in the court of public opinion. With his muted reaction, Tiger came off as classy while Sergio merely sounded assy.

And then there's this: Garcia punishes himself every time he plays a major by choking like the dog he is. The U.S. Open figures to be yet another failure for the whining Spaniard -- an "athlete" who is the diametric opposite of countryman Rafa Nadal.

Pro sports leagues shouldn't legislate political correctness. Society does a great job deciding these things.

4. I'm pretty sure the Spurs just made a half-dozen more 3-pointers. Which is incredible because, as I write this, Game 3 has been over for about an hour.

Look, the Spurs made every shot they launched toward the basket and the Heat pretty much stunk. Kind of the exact opposite what happened in Game 2.

LeBron & Co. are in no more trouble than the Spurs were after they were routed two nights earlier.

Now, if the same thing happens in Game 4 ...

3. The Sons of Pitches, the oldie-but-goodie-league softball team for which I play, closed out the regular season Tuesday with our fourth straight victory.

We are hitting the ball, making most of the plays in the field and taking care of business on the mound. We were especially sharp Tuesday, overcoming our few bad plays by playing sound fundamental softball and delivering timely hits. Afterward, nine of us went out for a beverage -- which is about three times as much as the typical turnout last season. That's what I call camaraderie!

The playoffs start next week and we have as good a chance at the title as anybody does. We will be missing our shortstop and best player, Tom, for the first couple of postseason games, but I still feel really good about this team.

We have fun, we like each other and we're playing well. That's what this is supposed to be about.

2. The Cubs and White Sox owe the Blackhawks big-time.

Chicago is ga-ga over its hockey team's second Stanley Cup Finals appearance this decade. The Blackhawks play the Bruins in a series that will last almost until the Bears start training camp. Baseball hasn't mattered this little in the Windy City since Mayor Daley was handing the Sox taxpayer money for Comiskey Park while telling the Cubs they couldn't spend their own to upgrade Wrigley.

On Monday, both the Cubs and Sox played home games in heavy fog.

A perfect metaphor, my friends.

1. Yet another fantastic season of Game of Thrones has concluded, and, speaking on behalf of all of us dummies who are watching the HBO series without having read all gazillion G.O.T. books ...

Hey, book-reading nerds: Stop telling us what is going to happen next!!

From what I understand, the show is quite faithful to the novels, which means every G.O.T. reader already knows all the stunning developments before each episode airs. I guess these folks just want to see how HBO pulls off the best scenes, but as a sports guy who will not watch a sporting event I have taped if I accidentally find out what happened, I like to be surprised.

Game of Thrones has had some of the most shocking scenes in recent TV history. Again, speaking for us television-watching dopes, I want to keep being shocked going forward.

Is that too much to ask for?
^

Two years of fun with Simmie; hours of frustration with golf

^
Big day in the Nadel household.

It was two years ago today that we brought our beautiful pup Simmie home from the Humane Society.

That was Simmie then as a cute little girl. Here she is now as a mature young lady!

Simcha (her given name, which is Hebrew for "happiness") is smart and funny and crazy and adorable and curious and sweet. She'll chase a ball or a stick until we get tired of throwing it. She's got a real bark, not some kind of yippy sound, and she lets us know when something's going on in the neighborhood.

We love her so much, even more than we thought we would!

Of course, she can't completely replace Katie and Ben in our empty-nest home ... but then again, she never talks back or rolls her eyes at us!!

*****

In unrelated news ...

I played golf the other day and, after an unremarkable bogey-par-bogey start, I went par ... birdie ... par ... par. I was keeping the ball in play off the tees, hitting my irons better than I had all season and striking my 3-wood superbly. I dropped tricky putts on 5, 6 and 7 to go birdie-par-par on arguably the most difficult three-hole stretch at Ballantyne Country Club.

I was 1-over through 7, on my way toward the best round of golf in my life ...

Until reality reared its ugly head.

Triple-bogey on 8. Quad on 9. Doubles on 10 and 11.

Oh well ... it was fun while it lasted.

Stupid game. And stupid me. I went back out and played the next day, too.

How did I do? Well, I wasn't 1-over through 7, that's for sure!
^

Today's High 5: Masters Edition

^
1. ADAM SCOTT ... After his come-from-ahead loss at last year's British Open, I'm glad he won the Masters. I rarely feel sorry for professional athletes, and I didn't for Scott last year. Still, I don't think anybody should have to go through life mumbling forever about what might have been. So I guess what I'm saying is this: It's your turn next, Jean van de Velde!

2. ANGEL CABRERA ... He's kind of modern golf's Robert Horry, ordinary in regular tournaments but clutch in the majors, especially the Masters. He also looks like he must be a great drinking buddy. Hard not to root for Angel.

3. JASON DAY ... I didn't mention him in my previous post about Best Never to Have Won a Major, but I probably should have because this Aussie has been dancing near the top of the major leaderboards for a few years now. He's only 25, he's immensely talented and it's only a matter of time before he wins one of these things, right? Of course, I was saying the same about Sergio Garcia, Lee Westwood and Ian Poulter in the not-too-distant past.

4 (tie). MARC LEISHMAN ... The third of the three Aussies in the tournament's top 4, and the biggest hitter of them all. I had never heard of him before the Masters started. The question now is if we'll ever hear from him again.

4 (tie). TIGER WOODS ... I spent much of Sunday afternoon talking to my TV, as the announcers kept speculating about what Tiger needed to do "on the back 9" or "on the last 7 holes" or "on 13, 14 and 15" or "over the last three holes" or "at 17 and 18" to have a chance to win. I kept saying, "Stop it! He's not winning!" But they didn't stop it. It was as if they were Eldrick addicts and couldn't help themselves.

Look, I get it. Tiger is golf's meal ticket. Any tournament, especially any major, is more interesting when he's legitimately in contention. This was more than that, though. The announcers practically were begging him to make birdies and eagles. "Pretty, pretty please!" Enough!!

Tiger was victimized over the weekend by one horrible break and then by his own breaking of the rules. Mostly, however, he was victimized by poor shotmaking on the Sunday of a major -- a familiar theme during what is now an almost five-year stretch of zero victories in golf's biggest events. Since July 2008, you've won as many majors as Tiger has.

While it's true that lots of other golfers also haven't won any of golf's last 19 majors, Tiger Woods isn't supposed to be "lots of other golfers." And lots of other golfers don't measure their success by major victories and only major victories.

I'll believe Tiger is back as soon as he does on the Sunday of a major what he used to do with regularity on the Sunday of a major.
^

This time, Tiger finds that luck rhymes with ...

^
Between the many Western Opens I saw and the majors I had the privilege of covering, I've probably witnessed 100 rounds by Tiger Woods in person. Add the hundreds more I've seen him play on TV, and I'll make this observation  about one of the three most dominant athletes I've ever covered:

He has been probably the luckiest athlete I've ever seen, too.

He and another golfer could hit the same shot on the same hole; Tiger's would hit a couple of rocks and bounce to within birdie range while the other guy's would go the other way and end up in the drink.

Please don't misunderstand what I'm saying. Tiger obviously has been incredible at his chosen pursuit. Of those I've covered, only Michael Jordan and Wayne Gretzky were as dominant in their fields. Nevertheless, the man also has been incredibly lucky.

In an interview just recently, Tiger was asked to name the one thing that has helped him more than any other throughout his career. "Luck," he said, matter-of-factly. And he wasn't being falsely modest.

So maybe it's fitting that the golf gods stole one back Friday at the Masters.

Tiger was cruising along pretty well, tied for the lead through 32 holes. He had 87 yards to the pin on No. 15 and struck his third shot perfectly. Too perfectly. The ball hit the bottom of the stick and ricocheted into the water. It was an amazingly bad break.

Had his ball missed the stick by an inch or two, it likely would have left him an easy birdie putt. Instead, he had to reload. Tiger being Tiger, he followed with a fantastic shot and saved bogey, but he lost his mojo and had to scramble the rest of the way. He bogeyed 18, also, three-putting the finishing hole at Augusta for the first time ever. He ended Round 2 at 3-under for the championship, three strokes behind Jason Day.

Asked afterward what he was feeling when he saw his ball deflect off the pin, Tiger said: "I was pissed."

As those of us very-un-Tiger-like -- and very unlucky -- weekend warriors will attest, the golf gods have a very wicked sense of humor.

It's not often they get to laugh at Tiger's expense.
^

Can Sergio, Westwood or Kuchar finally win the big one?

^
Lee Westwood ... Sergio Garcia ... Steve Stricker ... Luke Donald ... Matt Kuchar ... Adam Scott ... Justin Rose ... Ian Poulter.

There. That about covers it.

Colin Montgomerie is gone, but the least-coveted title in golf -- Best Never to Have Won a Major -- didn't retire with him.

Given their bodies of work, those eight players strike me as the top contenders for that title. Now, which of them -- if any -- will make a legitimate run at the title they really want: Masters champion?

Based on what happened in Round 1 on Thursday, it certainly appears Garcia will be a serious challenger. He was wonderful in the first 10 holes, doing whatever he wanted in starting -5. Though Sergio had to do some serious scrambling the rest of the way, he still finished a bogey-free -6 and was tied for the lead with Marc Leishman, who never will be accused of being the Best Never to Have Won a Major.

Kuchar is right there as well, at -4. Scott is another shot back, followed a shot later by a large group that includes Westwood and Rose (as well as some dude named Eldrick). Donald is still within reach at -1.

Two guys at opposite ends of last year's Ryder Cup drama -- Stricker (+1) and Poulter (+4) -- are probably toast.

While others are paying attention to Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson, Rory McIlroy and the ageless Fred Couples, I can't help but focus on the BNHWM contenders ... and think one of them will be masterful enough to remove his name from the list forever.

So, which one?

Well, I have been picking Westwood to break through forever, so I'm done with that. Sergio rarely contends at the Masters and seems to find ways to lose when he has had chances to win other majors. Nothing in the resumes of either Donald or Scott suggests this will be either's time to come through in the clutch. Rose was huge in the Ryder Cup but never makes me feel he's about to win on the biggest stage.

I'm going with Kuchar, the ultra-consistent guy with the cherubic cheeks and the permanent smile. He's great, he's in his prime, and he always seems to be relaxed and enjoying himself.

I'm saying he has the lead at the turn Sunday and then holds off Tiger and another golfer or two to win his first major championship ... and shed the title nobody wants.
^

Sandbagging Obama finally scores some birdies

^
In golf, the term is "sandbagging."

That's what Barack Obama must have been doing in the first debate. I mean, there's no way he could have been that bad unless he was trying to be that bad, right?

So yeah, that's the ticket. He sandbagged. He carded double-bogeys, couldn't get out of bunkers, chunked chips and got a terrible case of the shanks. He got Mitt Romney overconfident, gave the Republicans hope and lowered expectations on himself.

Then, just when people were starting to bet on the other guy, though, President Obama showed up for Mitt vs. Barack II and started raining birdies.

Nice strategy, chief!

This time, Obama wouldn't let Romney get away with blatant lies. Obama got the last, best word on oil production, on the auto bailout, on tax policy and on Libya. Not that politicians even seem to care anymore, but the fact-checkers generally confirmed that Romney had less truthiness (how's that for a word?) than Obama.

And the president brilliantly used his closing statement to condemn Romney for his infamous 47 percent of the country is not worthy comments, thereby preventing Romney from defending himself. The challenger didn't have the chance to blame everybody else for the true feelings he had shared with his audience of gazillionaires.

One final birdie in the heart of the cup for the sandbagger.

Had this Jack Nicklaus Obama showed up for the first debate -- instead of Judge Smails Obama -- the election already would be over. But he didn't and it isn't.

The temptation now is to say that the debate score is 1-1. Or maybe that the Obama ticket is even slightly ahead when factoring in Joe Biden's takedown of Paul Ryan in the VP debate. That, however, is not the case.

Obama's victory last night was not nearly as lopsided as Romney's was last time. Plus, by mopping the floor with the president in the first debate, Romney was able to get out from under having called nearly half the country victims, leeches and losers.

Romney completely stole the momentum during No. 1. Obama merely stemmed the tide in No. 2, showing America he was willing to fight.

I'm already looking forward to No. 3. It's been pretty darn good television theater.

---

In much more important news, Blue Thunder, our geezer-league softball team, reached a new high last night. We won 30-5 in a game that was even more decisive than the score might suggest.

In an effort to prevent runaways, the league has a rule that caps scoring in any one inning at 5 runs.  Well, we had six offensive innings last night. And in each of those innings, we scored 5 runs. Our opponent wasn't very good and gave us extra chances, but the fact is that we were smacking line drive after line drive after line drive.

Our leadoff guy, Wheels, went 5-for-5 with four singles and a double -- every time delivering a clean hit, as if he were some kind of line-drive machine. Several players had four hits. I went 3-for-3 with a walk, including my first triple of the season.

All of this happened after one of our core players, our pitcher Pat, got bloodied in the first inning when hit in the face by a hard shot. Pat had to go to the hospital to get a few stitches, but the good news is that he is fine and should be back next week -- when we'll be trying to wrap up a perfect 9-0 regular season!

---

If you are going to ever read one of my personal finance articles at the Seeking Alpha web site, make it  my most recent entry about Roth IRAs. Everybody who can have a Roth should have one, and I give the hows and whys in this article.

Plus, I get paid per page-view. So hey, everybody who clicks can help me fund my own Roth!
^

Casey Martin rides again!

^
Remember the caterwauling more than a decade ago, when Casey Martin won the right to ride a golf cart in professional tournaments due to the rare circulatory condition that renders his right leg almost useless?

Dozens of players will start claiming medical reasons to ride, ruining the very fabric of the sport! Golf has an endurance component to it, and this will give Martin an unfair competitive advantage! Walking is traditional; golf is tradition-bound; ipso fatso, this will end tournament golf as we know it!

"Someone else along the line will use this, I promise you," Jack Nicklaus warned after a court order allowed Martin to use a cart lo those many years ago. "It will happen. There will be another mess someplace."

When it comes to golf, Jack isn't wrong often. But he and the many other top golfers of the time who argued against Martin were dead wrong about this.

Not one other championship-level golfer has tried to gain the right to use carts during tournaments. Nobody has suggested that carts be used in events on brutally hot days. It's a non-factor, a non-issue.

Somehow, golf has done just fine despite Martin's attempts to "ruin" the sport.

Martin is back at the U.S. Open, his first competitive event in five years. He got the right to play this week in San Francisco the hard way: He earned it through qualifying. (And, yes, he did use a cart to get around the course.) He is now a 40-year-old golf coach.

I'm rooting for him to at least make the cut.

---


On a completely unrelated note ...

I wrote another financial article for the Seeking Alpha site last week. Here's the link:

http://seekingalpha.com/article/646301-johnson-johnson-yielding-4-lockheed-martin-5-not-so-fast

No guarantee that reading it will make you a billionaire.

Or even a hundredaire like me.

Remembering my folks, and making new memories

^
Enjoyed a great holiday weekend with my brother Al and his lady friend, Sandy. We played a couple of rounds of golf, ate some good food and tried to stay out of any real trouble. They seemed very happy with their North Carolina experience.

Here, Al took a picture of yours truly and my lovely wife, Roberta, on the 18th tee box at Pinehurst Course 5. Proud to say I broke 100 (although not with much room to spare) and came within a foot of my first career hole-in-one. (And yes, wise guy/gal, I did make the birdie putt.)

For me, Memorial Day weekend is about remembering my Dad, a World War II veteran, as well as my wonderful Mom. It was great to do so with the person who has known me longest!
^

Today's High 5: Masters Edition

^

5. Bubba Watson never has had a golf lesson and never has seen video of his swing.

I have had lessons, many of which emphasized that I needed to unlearn what I had learned in previous lessons. I have been traumatized by video of my swing. I haven't won the Masters.

If only I had heard about Bubba's plan for golf stardom 30 years ago!

4. As much as I enjoy the NCAA basketball tournament and the World Series, I would rather watch the final 9 holes of a hotly contested major golf championship than any other sports programming.

3. Peter Hanson absolutely shanked his tee shot on No. 12. Phil Mickelson hit consecutive irons totaling about 10 feet on the way to a triple-bogey.

And those were the leaders heading into the final round!

Golf humbles even the best of us.

2. Louis Oosthuizen used a 253-yard 4-iron to card a double-eagle.

Yeah, like I haven't done that 100 times.

1. Far too many media mopes experienced far too many Tigasms after The Hyped One won Arnie Palmer's tournament a couple weeks before going to Augusta.

Tiger is the Masters favorite! Tiger has found his swing and his mojo! Tiger is ready to reclaim his rightful throne!

TIGER'S BACK!!!!!!

And then the Masters began ... and Tiger was back to being the Tiger of the previous 2 1/2 years -- the one scarred by the 9-iron the ex-Mrs. Tiger went at him with.

Simply stated, Tiger isn't back until he wins a major.

He repeatedly has said he should be measured only by how he does in the sport's showcase events.

Why should the rest of us hold him to a lower standard?

Tiger is not back. And, frankly, he isn't even close.

^

Unlike Tiger, Nadal had legit excuse

^

No coffee for Rafael Nadal or Tiger Woods.

Coffee is for closers!

At least my nephew Rafa had an excuse. The best tennis player on the planet, Novak Djokovic, was running him ragged in a 6-hour marathon that featured hundreds of amazing shots by both players. There was no shame at all in losing one of the best grand slam finals ever.

Tiger? The guy who built a reputation as the best closer since Michael Jordan gagged away the final round in Abu Dhabi and lost to some dude named Robert Rock. And I don't think it was because Rock is the best golfer on the planet.

Every time Eldrick has a good round or two, ESPNers and other fawning media types can't wait to declare, "Tiger's back!" By Tiger's own definition, however, the only tournaments that really matter are the majors ... so we shouldn't believe he's back until he wins one of those.

Given that he hasn't won a full-field tournament of any kind since well before Djokovic became the best tennis player on the planet, we might be waiting quite a while.

^

Today's High Five - Weekend Recap

^

5. Syracuse and Pitt here, Texas and Oklahoma there ... more wild shuffling among major conferences and more talk of eventual "superconferences" of 16 teams or more.

It all seems rather silly because big-time college sport really needs only three mega-conferences:

Professional, Semi-professional and Amateur.

Sorry ... I know that's stupid.

As if enough schools could be found to fit the amateur category.

4. Lexi Thompson won the weekend's LPGA event. She was born in 1995.

Yes, 1995.

My electric toothbrush is older than she is. I'm serious.

3. Friday Night Lights had a nice run, and any sports fan -- or TV fan, for that matter -- who has yet to see show should rent its five seasons. That being said, Kyle Chandler, who was just fine as coach Eric Taylor, had absolutely no business winning the best dramatic actor Emmy over the likes of Steve Buscemi, Jon Hamm, Timothy Olyphant, Hugh Laurie or my choice, the amazing Michael C. Hall.

Even Chandler knew it, as he admitted when stunned by the victory. He hadn't bothered to prepare a speech because he felt he had no chance.

And while I'm on the subject ...

One thing we know for sure about the Emmys: At next year's Emmys, this year's Emmys won't win the award for best writing for a variety series. I actually felt sorry for the actors and actresses who served as presenters and had to deliver the pathetic, cliched, hackneyed, remarkably un-funny lines written for them. It was painful to watch.

2. The 2011 Red Sox seem determined to make the 2004 Cubs feel a little less choky.

1. On a day Rex Grossman and Kyle Orton earned exhilarating victories while Jay Cutler was pulverized in defeat, there are all kinds of NFL QB thoughts rushing through my chrome dome.

Cam Newton ... Wow! Another 400-plus-yard game. (And another heartbreaking Panthers loss.)

Tom Brady ... Ho-hum. Only a 400-plus-yard game. (And another routine Patriots win.)

Jay Cutler ... Called out his line after he got sacked six times. Hey Jay, it's not the linemen's fault they suck. You should have called out your GM and coach for giving you such sorry protection.

Tim Tebow ... The best darn blocking wide receiver on the Broncos' roster.

Aaron Rodgers ... Too good. Reminds me of Steve Young and John Elway after Young and Elway realized they could win mostly from the pocket. And no, I'm not the least bit uncomfortable comparing Rodgers to two Hall of Famers.

Kevin Kolb ... Please, please, please stop pronouncing your name "cobb." Or change the spelling.

Matt Ryan ... You don't think he's having a particularly good game; then you look up and he's got 4 TDs.

Mike Vick ... Spittin' blood like a pitbull on a bad day. (Sorry.)

Matthew Stafford ... How good can he (and his Lions) be if he can just stay healthy?

Drew Brees ... If he isn't the most fun-to-watch QB in football, he's in the team picture.

Tony Romo ... Finally comes through in the clutch, and with broken ribs no less. There's a good QB in there somewhere if those obsessed with America's Team will let him be more QB than soap-opera star.

Donovan McNabb ... Man, he got real old real fast.

Peyton Manning ... The NFL's MVP in absentia. With him, the Colts are championship contenders. Without him, they wouldn't win the new NCAA Professional Conference.

^

Golf on snooze control till spring

^
NBC tried real hard to make viewers excited about a golfer moving from 75th or 81st or 93rd in the standings to 63rd or 66th or 70th so he could continue competing in the "playoffs."

Zzzzzzz.

Now that the last event anybody cares about (the PGA Championship) is long over, the only thing even mildly interesting about this season anymore is Tiger's return to the tour in something called the Frys.com Open next month.

Oh well ... wake me up in time for the 2012 Masters.
^

Shake, rattle and a little off with the roll

^
My wife asked me if I felt the earthquake today and I laughed. "Yeah, right." No, seriously, she said. I looked it up and, sure enough, the East Coast from South Carolina to Maine experienced the most powerful earthquake since 1944.

Well, that explains it. I knew there was a reason I missed all those putts.

The next time I golf during an earthquake, I'll make sure I factor that into the reading of the greens.
^

Sweaty but still swingin'

^
I'm not sure what came over me Tuesday but I decided to walk 18 holes at a hilly course in 95 degree temps with 75 percent humidity. By the end, I was practically seeing mirages, I was so delirious.

Actually, the front 9 went well, at least by my standards. Shot a 42 with five pars, my best 9 so far as a Charlotte resident. I was tired but parred 8 and 9 and felt good about how I was playing, so when I presented myself with 3 choices -- A. Go home happy with the 42; B. Grab a cart for the back 9; C. Keep on keepin' on -- A didn't seem the right move. And though I was a sweaty mess, I thought I could keep going as long as I consumed lots of fluids. Ugh.

I got through No. 10 with a double-bogey but it was the long, uphill walk from 10 to 11 that almost did me in. Not surprisingly, I went triple-double-double over the next three holes, meaning I was 9 over through 4 on the back after going 6 over on the entire front.

I got a nice break on No. 14 when construction on the men's tee area forced all golfers to go from the ladies' tee, turning a long par-4 into a 300-yarder. I carded a par and was rejuvenated a little. I then went bogey-bogey-bogey.

When I stepped to the 18th tee to begin the 522-yarder, I was beyond spent. Still, I just told myself to take some deep breaths and be happy this would be the end (hopefully only of the round, not of me). I hit my best drive of the day and followed with by far my best fairway wood and a decent pitch shot that left me about 12 feet from the hole. I ran my birdie putt a couple feet beyond the hole and then tapped in for a satisfying par.

My final tally: 42-48-90. Could have been better but it still beat my previous best at the course, a 92.

This was the first time I had walked this course and I might do so again, but not in that kind of heat and humidity. At the very least, I should have gotten a cart for the much more arduous back 9.

Still, there was a sense of personal satisfaction knowing that, at 50, I still could do something like this. I'm a wimp, sure, but not quite as wimpy a wimp as I thought.

And here's the best thing: I actually earned sympathy points from my wife even though she worked a full day and I played golf!
^

Today's High Five

^
5. Thank goodness Timothy Geithner is staying on as Treasury secretary. I mean, without him, America would be having a rough time financially instead of going through such robust growth.

4. So, Stevie Williams beat Tiger Woods. Pretty interesting stuff. Oh, and I hear Adam Scott was involved somehow, too.

3. Even Cubbie fans can't be gullible enough to have gotten excited about that 7-game winning streak, right? Right?

2. Let's see: Hunter Pence is a talented, popular, 28-year-old, prime-of-his-career-still-to-come outfielder who can't be a free agent until 2014. I'm still trying to figure out why the Astros felt they needed to trade him to the Phillies or anybody else. Dumping Carlos Lee and his bloated contract (and bloated body), I could have understood. But isn't Pence just the kind of player such a franchise should build around?

1. No more AAA for the U.S.A.? Now who are we gonna call when we get a flat tire or need a TripTik?
^

Surprise, surprise! July in Charlotte is hot

^
Played golf yesterday courtesy of my new employer, Ballantyne Country Club. It was 96 degrees and the dew point (whatever that is) was 89. So the heat index (whatever that is) was approximately a gazillion.

I was drenched in my own perspiration. I actually had to turn my cap backward to putt because beads of sweat were running from my forehead to the bill of my cap and dripping down at my feet, a most distracting thing.

But I drank a lot of water. I survived. And believe it or not, I even had fun.

Roberta and I weren't born in Charlotte. We weren't raised here. And we weren't forced to live here. We chose to relocate to a place where the summertime air is so thick, you practically can reach out, grab it and wring it out.

We knew about all that coming in, so to complain about it now would be pretty pathetic.

I like to look at it this way: It's perfect weather for brewing sun tea, my favorite beverage.

I also like to look at it this way: Autumn and spring in the Carolinas are spectacular, and this past winter was a great winter to be nowhere near Chicago. The price for that goodness: a few steamy months.

Oh ... for the record, I had five pars, a bunch of non-pars and finished with a 97.

As those who have golfed with me in all kinds of weather know, I'd be pretty dishonest if I tried to blame the heat index.
^

No 5-hour rounds!

^
It's new job time, folks. Beginning Saturday, I'll be working as the weekend ranger at beautiful Ballantyne Country Club on the south side of Charlotte. My main duty: cruising the course and making sure each group is keeping up with the group ahead.

I got a tour of the place today and met several fellow employees and club members. They seemed very nice and genuinely grateful I'll be coming on. I'll work most Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays.

This is my second golf-course job since I arrived in Charlotte last year. I enjoyed the first but the commute became too long after we bought our house on the opposite side of town. Ballantyne is only a 15- to 20-minute trip.

I'm looking forward to being outside (even on the 95-degree, 95-percent-humidity days) and being around golf again. The fact that I get weekday playing privileges doesn't hurt, either!
^

Hoping 2012 U.S. Open comes down to Tiger-Rory playoff

^
The Bald Truth

I miss Tiger. Really.

Sure, I was in awe of Rory McIlroy, both his incredible swing and his can-do demeanor. And I'll admit I was rooting for him to keep going more and more under par.

But as was the case when Tiger Woods was winning tournaments by double-digit totals, I grew a little bored as I watched McIlroy's runaway U.S. Open victory. I'll take a nail-biter of a tournament that goes down to the final putt over a record-setting rout every time.

I mean, how many times should one have to listen to Johnny Miller chuckle at the absurdity of McIlroy's near-perfect shotmaking?

McIlroy certainly looks like golf's next big thing. Wouldn't it be delicious if the sport's last big thing got healthy, got his game back and took all this adulation being heaped on McIlroy personally?

Wouldn't it be great if Tiger Woods acted like his buddy and role model, Michael Jordan, who used such challenges to motivate himself and amaze us all?

I covered the PGA Championship at Medinah in 1999, when a baby-faced Sergio Garcia almost stole the show from Woods. At the time, we all assumed we'd be treated to Sergio vs. Tiger for the next two decades. Unfortunately, Sergio lost his copy of the script.

Now that Tiger is the hunter instead of the hunted, will he be able to play his part? Can he be the Arnie to McIlroy's Jack?

Wouldn't that be something?

The Quote

"He lapped the field, and for such a young age, how mature he is." -- Jason Day

The U.S. Open runner-up is 23, an old man compared to the 22-year-old champion.

The Balder Truth

My favorite thing about McIlroy -- and there are lots of favorite things with this kid -- is how quickly he plays.

He doesn't stand there for five minutes trying to figure out how a 2 mph breeze will affect his next shot. He doesn't examine every putt from 14 different angles. He doesn't agonize for 30 seconds after every miss or pump his fist 20 times after every make. He doesn't confer with his caddie for 10 minutes and change clubs three times before addressing the ball.

He walks up to his Pro V1, hits it and gets ready for the next shot.

All of us would be wise to copy McIlroy's picture-perfect swing. All of us also are wise enough to know we can't.

One thing we can copy is his desire to play the game quickly.

The more time under 4 hours a round can take, the more time there is for the 19th hole.

Who's No. 1?

If it's too early to say for sure that it's McIlroy, we don't really know who No. 1 is. But we know who it isn't.

Luke Donald has to be one of the great pretenders in recent sports history.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Americans aren't winning golf's majors. They aren't contending at Wimbledon, either.

Which means ... what? ... we're supposed to be ashamed to be Americans or something?

Our elected leaders do plenty to make us ashamed. What happens in our sporting venues is immaterial.

It's only sports, you know?
^