A rough week for cheaters

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First, there was dopey doper Lance Armstrong vaulting past Jose Canseco and Mark McGwire into the No. 1 spot in the Lying Sleazeball Hall of Shame. Has any athlete ever cheated his way to more glory over a longer stretch than Lyin' Lance? As it turns out, his most noble act was helping Oprah get good ratings for his network. Given all that he overcame to be such a dominant sports figure, I never thought I'd utter this sentence: Lance Armstrong is a coward. 

Then came Manti Te'o. I'm still not buying the Notre Dame linebacker's lack of complicity in the whole "my fake girlfriend is dead" scam. For those who feel sorry for him, he did lie to both his father and to reporters about supposed face-to-face meetings with his online love. Come on, Manti ... even Jan Brady fessed up about George Glass shortly after inventing him.

Finally, it was Bill Belichick getting completely outcoached by the Ravens' John Harbaugh, who seemed to know what the Patriots were going to do before Belichick's team did. It's now been nine long years since Belichick's last title. I guess it's tough to be a genius without illegally spying on one's opponents.

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Roberta and I just got back from Hawaii, where we spent six nights relaxing on Kauai and then six nights on Maui having fun with Katie and Ben. Aside from seeing the kids and enjoying fantastic weather, the highlight had to be our 5 1/2-hour boat trip -- during which we snorkeled with huge sea turtles, oohed and aahed as two male humpback whales brawled for the affection of a female and watched four spinner dolphins frolicking in the surf.

We also ate lots of good food, enjoyed a cold beer or three, got pummeled by humongous waves, hiked into Waimea Canyon and also into a bamboo forest, caught up on our sleep and watched an NFL playoff game that started at 8 a.m. local time.

Everybody defines paradise differently, but it's pretty hard to spend time in Hawaii and not believe you've found it.
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Today's High 5: World Series & more

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5. If the Rangers win their three home games to take the World Series (or, for that matter, if the Cardinals win three straight on the road) and if Albert Pujols then leaves St. Louis as a free agent ... his final act in Cardinals white was his failure to handle a routine cutoff throw, a screw-up that cost his team Game 2.

4. As Pedro Martinez might say: Allen Craig is Alexi Ogando's daddy.

3. Once again, Tony La Russa used every reliever this side of Jason Isringhausen, Dennis Eckersley and Ed Farmer. This time, his mechanizations didn't work. Once again, Ron Washington spent the entire game standing on the top step of the dugout, constantly smacking his lips on something or other. This time, his Rangers prevailed. Managers, schmanagers. It pretty much always comes down to the players either doing their jobs or not.

2. The other day, TV picked up on Jay Cutler telling Mike Martz to go fornicate himself. Where was Cutler when John Shoop was running the Bears' offense?

1. Still light years apart on the main issues, the NBA's billionaire owners and their locked-out multimillionaire players have suspended negotiations -- jeopardizing the entire season. Basketball fans will be fine; college hoops is far more entertaining anyway. I'm much more worried that Cristal and Bentley sales will crater, dealing yet another blow to our fragile economy.

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