Showing posts with label BCS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BCS. Show all posts

Sunday, December 21, 2014

You hereby have permission to watch bowl games

^
I was looking for an old Copley Newspapers column I had written about Illinois basketball when I stumbled upon a 2004 rip-job I did on the Bowl Championship Series.

Back then, I vowed not to watch one second of any bowl game, including the mythical national championship game between USC and Oklahoma.

"The evening of Jan. 4, I will go to a high school basketball game, take my wife to a movie, play board games with my kids -- anything but watch a sham title game. I have been in this business for 22 years and have been a fan a lot longer than that, and I'm still waiting to hear one good reason why Division I-A football should be the only NCAA sport lacking an equitable way to crown a champion. And it's not just the title game. The entire system is a mess. A joke. A billion-dollar sham."

I concluded my diatribe with this:

"Don't watch bowls. Don't buy products sold by bowl sponsors. Show the sham artists exactly what you think by giving them the attention they deserve: none."

And with that, my Bowl Boycott began.

I'm not sure how many readers joined the boycott. Though a few claimed they would follow my lead, I know it's quite possible that not a single one did. But I was true to my word: For 10 years, I did not watch one minute of one bowl game. And I felt darn good about it.

Fast-forward a decade and here we are ... less than two weeks away from the start of the very first major-college football playoff. On New Year's Day, Oregon will meet Florida State in one semifinal at the Rose Bowl, followed by Alabama vs. Ohio State in the other semifinal at the Sugar Bowl. Eleven nights later, the winners will meet for the national title at the Dallas Cowboys' 100,000-seat Shrine To Wretched Excess.

We heard for more than a decade about how a legitimate playoff would ruin the regular season, undermine conference races and render league championships meaningless. We heard blather about "student-athletes" having to play too many games and about fans not being willing to travel for playoff contests. We heard that a legitimate championship would gut the entire bowl structure.

Not one of those excuses rang true at the time, and not one proved true in the end.

All the introduction of the playoff system did was make the regular season even MORE meaningful and make college football better than ever.

I still won't watch most of the three dozen bowl games that are little more than exhibitions. Really, unless one is a fan of North Carolina State or Central Florida, why would one watch the Bitcoin St. Petersburg Bowl? Why, why, why?

But although I might not watch every minute of all three playoff games, I certainly will watch many minutes of each -- as will millions and millions and millions of others.

I'd have preferred an eight-team playoff, and I'm pretty sure there will be one down the line. Still, this four-team event is a darn good start.

Come Jan. 12, we will have the first-ever real (non-mythical), major-college football champion. Finally!

So from me to the rest of America, all I can say is ...

You're welcome!

---

Crazy as it seems, the Carolina Panthers, at 6-8-1, can make the playoffs by winning in Atlanta next Sunday. As a big-time Panthers fan, I actually thought for a second about going to the game, but I would have had to postpone my Chicago trip to do so.

Instead, I have put Ben in charge of finding a Chicago bar where we can watch the Panthers-Falcons game -- and, simultaneously, can watch that day's Marquette-Morgan State game (a.k.a "Most Definitely Not The Big One").

As tempting as it might be, meanwhile, I don't have great interest in watching Jimmy Clausen's second start for the mighty Bears against the mighty Vikings. Yeah ... I know ... it takes willpower to avoid that one.

---

My Scholars Academy Eagles won our last game before Xmas break by a 48-2 score. That's right:48-2! (As my son asked: "Hey, what happened to the shutout?")

The victory sent us into our nearly three-week layoff with a 6-1 record.



One thing I really love about my team is the camaraderie -- the girls genuinely like each other, pull for each other and pick each other up. We have more talent and depth than last year's team while still playing with our trademark aggressiveness and "want-to" attitude. These girls are winners.

The Eagles will be a force to be reckoned with in the second half of the season!

---

My latest article for the financial Web site SeekingAlpha.com -- It's New! It's Nifty! It's The Dividend Growth 50! -- has been incredibly well-received.

As I write this, it has 35,432 page views and 766 comments. Both are by far all-time highs for me.

Five of my last seven articles have been designated as "Editors' Picks," helping bring in a total of 3,273 followers.

Jeesh ... you'd almost think I was a writer or something!
^

Friday, December 20, 2013

Bowl protest almost over ... and fans actually won!

^
Saturday is an exciting day. It's the start of another college football bowl season ... and, kids, you know what that means for me!

It means one more year of not watching one second of any of them.

Not the Royal Purple Las Vegas Bowl.

Not the Beef 'O' Brady's Bowl.

Not the Little Caesars Pizza Bowl.

Not the Fight Hunger Bowl.

Not the Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl.

Not the Taxslayer.com Bowl.

Not the BBVA Compass Bowl.

And definitely not the Make-Believe Championship Game.

When I started my protest -- vowing not to watch one second of one bowl game until there was a legitimate playoff system -- I was still a columnist for the Copley Newspaper chain, which hadn't been bought yet by the evildoers from GateHouse Media. When I started this, the White Sox ruled baseball, Dubya was pretending to search for WMDs and -- gasp! -- most 9-year-olds still didn't have cellphones.

That's a long time to go without watching two .500 teams do battle in the Poinsettia Bowl. How did I survive?

Well, here's the good news (or bad news, depending upon one's point of view): This is the final year of my protest.

After more than a decade insisting that a playoff system absolutely, positively was unnecessary, the powers-that-be saw the light -- and the dollar signs -- and realized that, well, yes it was. So the 2014 college football season will be followed by a four-team playoff, eventually crowning an actual champion rather than a computer-generated championish team.

While the change probably won't compel me to tune in most bowl games, I might at least stop surfing channels long enough to check out a play or three. And if the playoff matchups are compelling enough, I might even watch the final quarter of games that count.

To be sure, the playoff should include eight or 16 teams, not four. But at least this is a start. Baby steps, people.

I'm not egotistical enough to think my protest led to one iota of change. Even if the few readers who said they would join me followed through on their pledge, at the height of the protest maybe a dozen of us were totally ignoring the bowl season. Still, I like to think we represented the vast majority of American sports fans who had been clamoring for a playoff system only to be told to shut up and eat our Beef 'O' Brady's.

Congratulations, fans, you dragged the college football ruling elite kicking and screaming into a new era.  

The playoffs are more than a year away, however. So, until then, enjoy watching Middle Tennessee and Navy battle for none of the marbles in this year's thrilling Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl.

As usual, I'll be in the middle of enjoying anything else. Please don't let me know how it turns out.
^



Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Today's High 5: Observations from the make-believe college football championship game

^
5. Well, so much for all those narrow victories being a sign that fate was on Notre Dame's side.

4. Fate, apparently, couldn't make up for the fact that Notre Dame's players weren't anywhere near as good as Alabama's players.

3. My sources at the Vatican tell me Pope Benedict XVI was so impressed with the Crimson Tide that he converted from Catholic to Catho-hick.

2. Hold on ... I think 'Bama just scored again.

1. Touchdown Jesus lost to a guy who is one letter away from being Satan. (Think about it.)
^

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Notre Dame isn't great but it's good enough to play for pretend title

^
Nobody has ever accused me of being a Notre Dame homer. In fact, I'd never hide the fact that, as a Marquette guy, I'd just as soon the Irish lose every basketball game they play. And, unlike some of my fellow Warriors, I didn't root for ND football just because that was the big Catholic school.

Having said all that, I'll say this: Notre Dame, as much as any team can, "deserves" to play in the mythical national championship game.

Notre Dame plays a national schedule, which is more than Alabama, Georgia, Florida, Oregon, Kansas State, Ohio State and any other team can say.

Are there cupcakes on the ND schedule? Sure. Name a school that doesn't play a bunch of those. Did ND have to squeak out victories over a few mediocre teams? Sure. Name a team that didn't have some close calls against inferior opposition.

Notre Dame played road games against Michigan State, Oklahoma and USC as well as home games against Michigan and Stanford. All were ranked in somebody's top 10 at some point this season. Each team fell to the Irish.

Notre Dame isn't one of the great teams of all time. Nor is it even one of the great teams of recent vintage. I'm guessing that the Irish will be underdogs against either Alabama or Georgia in the pretend title game. But for the first time in years, Touchdown Jesus didn't have to cover his eyes when the home team was playing.

The Irish did everything they had to do to be ranked No. 1 in the ridiculous, convoluted, unsatisfying system college football uses to crown its make-believe champion.

The sport is better when Notre Dame matters. It will be even better if the Irish are playing for a real championship in a few years after the BCS goes bye-bye.
^

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Today's High 5: College football's unimpressive playoff. Also: vacations for me ... and Erin Andrews

^
5. Four teams? Please.

The college football playoff needed to accommodate at least eight teams to make it a true national tournament -- as well as to keep cronyism at bay. You know the selection committee will be filled with big-money-conference types who will protect their golden geese. 


The bloated bowl system remains intact, too, which is nice for fans of the Beef O'Brady's Bowl.

As satisfying as it was to hear the powers-that-be finally admit that the BCS was a huge failure, this is barely progress. And for some head-scratching reason, college honchos felt the need to lock this new system in place for 12 years.

Wake me when we have a real champion, please.

4. White Sox GM Ken Williams gets criticized often, but I always have admired the way he swings for the fences. His latest move, getting Kevin Youkilis from the Red Sox for spare parts, bordered on brilliant.

3. I took some time off from TBT while Roberta and I visited Chicago. We drove up from Charlotte with our beautiful pup, Simcha -- who was in the car, not strapped to the top in an air-tight cage.

We spent most of our time with young'uns Katie and Ben, who are doing wonderfully, thanks for asking. We also got to visit our dear friends, the Marks, the Pellikans and the Brundidges.


On Friday, I golfed with sportswriter buddies Rick Morrissey, Teddy Greenstein, Mike Imrem, Lindsey Willhite and Adam Rittenberg. That's right: a Sun-Times guy, a Tribster, two Daily Herald dudes and an ESPN.com scribe; that's about as diverse a group as a bunch of lily-white males can be. It would have been even more diverse (and more white and more male) if the Southtown Star's Phil Arvia had joined us as planned. He wimped out with the lamest of excuses: his wife broke her leg. Two days later, I hit the links with my two best Marquette friends, Tom Chodzko and John Lamich. I shot a pair of 93s, so it's a good thing the company was great!


One of the trip's highlights took place Saturday night, when my wife and I saw our favorite band, Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers, rock the Cubby Bear. Katie and Ben joined us and a fantastic time was had by all.


Oh, and of course, we ate at Pequod's, the best deep-dish pizza on earth.

All in all, it was a super fun Chicago visit before we returned to Charlotte -- just in time for it to be 100-plus degrees all weekend. Pass the deodorant, please.

2. I have yet to decide if I love HBO's newest series, The Newsroom, but I'm pretty sure I don't hate it.

And I must admit that I laughed out loud upon hearing that Jeff Daniels' character, combustible newscaster Will McAvoy, spent a vacation in the tropics canoodling with Erin Andrews.

You know ... I had wondered why I hadn't seen her lately.

1. After winning our previous three games, including our playoff opener, by double-digit slaughter-rule scores, our 45-and-over softball team, the Blue Thunder, suffered a tough defeat Tuesday night.

Yours truly had two line-drive hits, scored a few runs and had an RBI ... but I also messed up: Playing catcher, I failed to scoop a low throw that would have cut off a run; I also got thrown out at the plate trying to score. As a team, we played a little too loose in the field, walked a few too many batters and didn't have quite enough hits, all contributing factors to us blowing a late lead and losing by two runs.

We're not done yet, though. It's a double-elimination tournament, and we already have scored decisive victories over the next two teams we'll face (if we win our next game, that is).

Why am I boring everybody with my softball team's exploits? Well, because I can. It's my blog!

Besides ... our playoffs, unlike major college football's, will produce a true champion.
^

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Reason No. 864 why NCAA hoops tourney is so much better than BCS B.S.

^
When the NCAA basketball tournament has one of those wacky years filled with incredible upsets and capped by surprise teams in the Final Four, that's one example of why the hoops tourney is so much more exciting and satisfying than football's BCS.

Fairly often, though, the team that was the best in November, December, January and February also excels in March and early April. When that happens, it's even better proof.

So it was with Kentucky, certainly the best team in college hoops all season and a most deserving national champion after Monday's gritty win over game but overmatched Kansas.

"OK," the half-dozen or so BCS proponents might ask, "does it really matter how the best team gets to be the best? After all, few would deny that Alabama was a worthy national football champion."

Well, I might deny it, but that's besides the point.

Kentucky played a nonconference schedule featuring games against some of the nation's best teams. The Wildcats then dominated their conference, wrapping up the NCAA tourney's overall No. 1 seed. Finally, they went 6-0 in the tournament, with victories over one fine team after another, beating opponents of different styles, sizes and strengths.

That, my friends, is how you win a national championship.

You truly earn it.
^

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Today's High Five: Excuses are for losers ... and so is the BCS

^
5. I hate it when athletes, coaches and teams make excuses. I especially hate injury excuses.

The Packers won the Super Bowl last season despite a dozen important players being out with injuries. That being said ...

Aaron Rodgers wasn't one of the injured Packers.

It would seem there are injuries, and there are facts.

Fact is, the Bears are toast without Jay Cutler. Not because Cutler is a great QB but because Cutler sometimes plays great -- and because the only other option is a never-will-be named Caleb Hanie. (Which, naturally, is Jerry Angelo's fault for generally mismanaging the most important position in pro sports.)

And now, RB Matt Forte -- unquestionably the team's MVP -- is out up to a month with a knee injury.

The Bears were a flawed team with little margin for error. They managed to win 7 of their first 10 games thanks to defense, the kicking game and just enough offense led by Forte and Cutler. They are 0-2 since Hanie had to take over for Cutler, including Sunday's 10-3 home loss to a terrible Kansas City team.

OK, those are the facts. Even a skeptic such as myself should be able to differentiate between such cold facts and common, everyday excuses, right?

Well, that terrible KC team was being quarterbacked by a never-will-be named Tyler Palko because their starter, Matt Cassel is out.

Meanwhile, the playoff-bound Texans are 2-0 since starting QB Matt Schaub and backup Matt Leinert got hurt, with third-stringer T.J. Yates at the helm.

If the Bears can't beat a Palko-led Chiefs team at home, they weren't good enough to matter, anyway.

4. The notable thing wasn't Tiger Woods finally winning a tournament, because it was a limited-field event that he stages for himself and his pals. For me, the big thing was the camera shot of Tiger lining up the winning putt ... with TV viewers getting a clear view of his Ping putter.

Swoosh be damned!

3. Even when Rodgers and the Packers clearly aren't at their best, they are amazing.

They will win the rest of their regular-season games, and I see absolutely no way an NFC team beats them in Green Bay during the playoffs. That means New England, Pittsburgh or maybe Baltimore will have to do it in the Super Bowl.

2. Of course, the biggest victory of the weekend involving a team from the Land of Cheese and More Cheese was ...

Marquette 61, Wisconsin 54.

My wife and I watched the game at a Charlotte establishment with several other MU alums and it was a joy to behold.

Despite playing without their starting point guard and despite getting almost no production from standout forward Jae Crowder, who was in foul trouble throughout, our Golden Warriors dominated every aspect of the game and led almost from tip to horn.

This is the deepest, most athletically dynamic team Buzz Williams has had at Marquette, and I have a feeling I'm going to be thrilling (or boring) you many times this season with tales of their exploits. Deal with it!

1. For the sixth straight year, I will not be watching one second of any of the meaningless exhibitions masquerading as college football from now until early January.

I call it Boycott College Sham.

Not the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl, featuring Illinois and UCLA teams that have a combined 12-13 record and have fired their coaches; not the Pinstripe Bowl, which will take place on what's sure to be a sunny Dec. 30 day in the Bronx; not even the Beef O'Brady's Bowl, which by name alone should humiliate participants Florida International and Marshall.

And certainly not the mythical championship game, in which LSU gets another chance to beat an Alabama team that has no more of a claim to this spot than any of a half-dozen other squads.

This is not to hate on 'Bama. It might be one of the top two teams ... and it might not be. We simply cannot know as long as the BCS is allowed to exist.

I know my one-man protest means nothing. Hell, it meant nothing even when I had a real voice as a newspaper columnist and enlisted a few followers.

It just makes me feel good not to be party to a system that rewards hypocrisy, stupidity, rigidity and mediocrity.
^

Monday, November 7, 2011

Today's High Five

^
5. It's never been more obvious that the NFL MVP is Peyton Manning.

How would you like to be paying big money for Colts season tickets this season?

And please ... I don't want to hear anybody say the Colts should try to lose to secure the draft rights to Andrew Luck. The Colts don't have to try to lose. They are quite accomplished at it.

4. Were I voting for guys actually playing this season, my midseason MVP ballot would read: Aaron Rodgers, Aaron Rodgers, Aaron Rodgers, Aaron Rodgers and Aaron Rodgers.

Followed (in no particular order) by Frank Gore, Calvin Johnson, Matt Forte and Matthew Stafford.

And then, finally, Aaron Rodgers.

3. Fox ran a graphic chronicling Tom Brady's comebacks when the Patriots have trailed or been tied late in games.

Um ... if the game was tied, how is that a comeback?

2. If you're like me, you're on pins and needles with this whole NBA lockout thing.

1. LSU coach Les Miles is right: His team's win over Alabama doesn't "prove" anything other than the fact that the Tigers have the upper hand in the SEC West.

The victory certainly doesn't prove LSU is the nation's best team. With the current system, there is no way to determine that. And, given the extreme limits of the BCS, there won't be any way to measure it come January, either.

It's just an opinion.

No matter who plays in the season's final game, it will be for nothing more than the mythical national title -- just as in the days when sportswriters and coaches chose the "champion" in polls.

At least back then, smart people didn't pretend something actually had been decided on the field of play.
^

Monday, March 28, 2011

Thank goodness NCAA football doesn't subject us to a boring, basketball-style, single-elimination playoff

^
VCU. Multiple overtimes. Shelvin and Kemba and Knight, oh my!

Clutch performances. David versus Goliath ... with David slaying Goliath ... repeatedly. Derrick Williams!

UConn won 9 games in 19 days. Kentucky barely got past Princeton and then made it to the Final Four. The Butler did it ... again!!

Yep, the NCAA yahoos who preside over college football are right: March Madness sure sucks when compared to a Dynamic December that includes the Beef 'O' Brady Bowl, uDrove Bowl, MAACO Bowl, S.D. County Credit Union Bowl, Little Caesars Bowl, Meineke Car Care Bowl, AdvoCare V100 Bowl, Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl, New Era Pinstripe Bowl, Franklin American Mortgage Bowl, Bridgeport Education Bowl and Chick-fil-A Bowl.

Not to mention the AutoZone Bowl. I mean, who could forget Central Florida's thrilling 10-6 victory over Georgia -- 6-7 Georgia, by the way -- for absolutely none of the marbles?

So you just keep on keepin' on, you half-dozen BCS-and-bowlpoop proponents, and keep resisting the kind of playoff scenario that would produce something as boring as this year's NCAA hoops tourney.
^

Friday, March 11, 2011

NCAA hypocrites unite!

^
The world is full of hypocrites and, it being March, we might as well talk about one of the biggest groups of hypocrites on the planet:

The university presidents and other Pooh-bahs atop the NCAA.

They refuse to sanction a national football tournament. Why? Because one or two extra games would put too much wear and tear on their beloved athlete-students. Plus, any system other than the BCS would cost those same athlete-students too much class time (even though almost all would be on Christmas break during a real championship tourney).

OK, let's say we take them at their word. (We don't ... but for the sake of argument, we'll say we do.) How do they explain what's going on this week in college basketball, with one conference tournament after another pushing hundreds of athletes to the brink of exhaustion and keeping tens of students among the athletes out of the classroom?

In the Big East on Friday, UConn will be playing its fourth high-intensity game in as many days. If the Huskies beat Syracuse and advance to Saturday's championship, they'll be the first ever to play five games in five days. And basketball games, unlike their football counterparts, include more than 10 minutes each of actual action.

Apparently, the money grab that is March Madness -- from the conference tournaments to the NCAAs to the NIT -- trumps all the fear of wear and tear.

My beloved Marquette Golden Warrior Eagles played three games in three nights in the Big East tourney, the third being Thursday's quarterfinal loss to Louisville. That the rest of the Marquette student body has been taking midterm exams all week was of little concern to the NCAA honchos. Not when there's big coin to be made at Madison Square Garden. Let the athlete-students make up the exams later (if they take the exams at all).

The NCAA wants it both ways ... and they're succeeding at getting what they want.

OK, fine. We know when we're beaten. Just don't look so smug while blowing smoke up our butts. Say what it is: preservation of status quo, cash grab, lording over the sports world, whatever.

And just don't say it's about the kids. Because everybody with an IQ over 50 -- even Digger Phelps and Dickie V -- knows it isn't.
^

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Today's High 5 - NFL Playoff Edition

^
5. Just wondering if Cam Newton's father will be his agent in the NFL, too. And, if so, will Mr. Newton manage to get his son even more money than he did at the Triple-A level?

4. Ray Lewis vs. Ben Roethlisberger ... now there's a matchup of upstanding citizens. Can we root for both buses to run out of gas on the way to the stadium? As good as the Steelers are, they were no better at home this season (5-3) than the Ravens were on the road. So I'm smelling a road upset here. Either that, or Troy Polamalu needs to change shampoo brands again. Ravens 20, Steelers 19.

3. If the Packers really do have a running game, as certainly seemed to be the case in their playoff opener, they could run the table this postseason. Aaron Rodgers and their D are that good. Won't be easy to win in Atlanta, though. I mean, just ask any of the Atlanta franchises how difficult it is to win playoff games there! Packers 24, Falcons 20.

2. Despite going 7-9, the Seahawks got to host the Saints in their playoff opener. If only they had gone 4-12, they'd have gotten to host the Bears this Sunday, too. I'm trying to figure out if there is any possible way the Bears can blow this one, and I'm failing. We'll see if Jay Cutler proves me wrong by throwing to the same DB 4 times. Bears 27, Seahawks 10.

1. Gotta love all the trash-talking leading up to the Jets-Pats game. But enough about Rex Ryan. Given that Mark Sanchez usually messes up about four times a game ... and Tom Brady doesn't ... I'm going with Brady. Besides, without that player-tripping dude on their sideline, what chance do the Jets really have? Patriots 23, Jets 13.
^

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Even Sarah Palin hates the BCS (mostly, of course, because she can't spell it)

^
So now the major conferences are using BCS standings to determine their regular-season champions? Can college football get any more ridiculous?

I'd rather listen to a Sarah Palin lecture on the superiority of abstinence-based sex education than support the sham that sport perpetrates each December and January.

That's why, for the fifth straight year, I won't watch one second of any of the 549 bowl games.

This year, in fact, I'll celebrate my anniversary by not watching the Chick-fil-A Bowl twice!

Ah, don't you just love the fun benefits of a DVR?
^

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Why can't Johnny count?

^
12 teams in the Big Ten ... and ten teams in the Big 12. Beautiful.

And that's barely the tip of the dyslexic fun as schools and conferences dash for television cash.

Yep, the BCS era just keeps making college football better and better.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Only BCS format can save sucky NCAA hoops tourney

NCAA pooh-bahs had better fix the way they crown their men's basketball champion, because, as usual, the tournament has been a horrible bore.

Overtimes, one-point games, stunning upsets, wild finishes, stirring storylines ... yawn ... wake me when it's over, OK?

Obviously, NCAA honchos should have adopted the always-thrilling BCS model, declared Kansas and Kentucky the two best teams in the land, had the Jayhawks and Wildcats wait 4 or 5 weeks until they meet in an overhyped mythical title game, and let all the other teams play in dozens of glorious basket-"bowl" games.

After all, that formula always produces such a satisfying conclusion to the college football season, right?

And while they're at it, they can tell their basketball programs to stop scheduling games against quality opponents before conference play begins. In football, the best teams spend September fattening up on Cupcake U - yummy morsels for the every-game-counts crowd.

It's hard to beat Florida vs. Central Eastern State College for none of the marbles, I always say.

Clearly, following the NCAA basketball tournament model could never work in football.

I mean, who would want to see the best teams from a cross-section of the country go at it round-by-round until a legitimate champion gets crowned?

Monday, May 18, 2009

Jack Bauer's sports to-do list

^
If we're to believe where 24 was steering us at the end of another hellish "day," Jack Bauer will be back after doctors use his daughter's stem cells to rid his body of toxic pathogens.

Anyway, now that he's saved the world again, here are ...

Five things we can expect from Jack during his next day at the office:

5. Short-circuit all television satellite feeds into the White House, thereby protecting President Obama from exposure to lethal doses of the White Sox.

4.  Force Terrell Owens to listen to Paul Warfield, John Stallworth, Raymond Berry and other classy receivers who rarely dropped the football, never blamed their QBs and actually won something during their careers. And by "force," all 24 fans know what that means.

3. Administer truth serum to Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, Alex Rodriguez, Manny Ramirez, Sammy Sosa, Mark McGwire and so on and so on and so on. And don't worry about this being too difficult. If approached with syringes, these fine gentlemen aren't likely to resist.

2.  Make Brett Favre make up his mind. Do whatever it takes and use every means at your disposal. One way or another, the madness must end.

1. Stop terrorist attacks? Yawn! Really impress us and stop the BCS.