Baldy's back, and just in time for my favorite month

^
10. My Internet buddy (and faithful reader back when my columns appeared in the Springfield, Ill., newspaper), Doug Nicodemus, has been asking me repeatedly why I haven't been blogging much lately. On Monday, after checking TBT regularly the last 5 weeks but finding no new entries, he posted this on my Facebook page:

"no blog for awhile ... are we all done ... maybe ..."

No, I'm not all done. But as I have explained to Doug -- and as I explained earlier Monday to my softball buddy Johnny, whom I saw at a local golf course -- the little bit of writing I'm doing these days has involved me getting paid. Crazy concept, I know.

Not that money is the end-all and be-all, but it buys more things than bupkis. Which is what I get paid for posting here on The Baldest Truth.

So to my tens and tens of regular readers, I thank you for your loyalty but I make no promises other than to say that I'll continue to blog when something strikes me as relevant or when I have some spare time to write pro bono.

9. As much as I'd like to see the Pirates or Rays or A's win for the small markets or the Indians or Reds win for underdogs everywhere, I can't bring myself to predict multiple champagne showers for those teams this October.

I'm thinking the Tigers, with their fine starting pitching and powerful middle of the order, will meet the talented, high-priced Red Sox, for the AL pennant. And the Dodgers, with their incredible pitching, will take on the Cardinals, who always seem to rise to the occasion, for the NL crown. 

If the Tigers had a stud reliever, I'd pick them to beat the Red Sox. But they don't. So I won't. 

I'd like to see the Cardinals do it with Mike Matheny managing, because I always appreciated him as a player, but the Dodgers remind me of recent Giants teams that won championships despite mediocre hitting.

So I'm saying Red Sox vs. Dodgers in the World Series.

The champion? I'm leaning Dodgers, but I'll hold off with an "official" prediction until we get to the Series.

There. I've committed to another blog post later in October. That should make Doug and Johnny delirious with joy!

8. Folks keep trying to find all kinds of reasons that somebody other than Miguel Cabrera should win the AL MVP. Please. This is one of those it's-so-obvious-there-must-be-another-choice situations, like when NBA MVP voters used to try to find somebody not named Michael Jordan to win the award.

Mike Trout had a fine season for a sub-.500 Angels team that finished 18 games out -- a team that started poorly in part because Trout started poorly. And yet Cabrera still had better stats almost across the board, almost won a second straight Triple Crown, and did it all for a team he led to another division title.

This is the no-brainer of all no-brainers. Sabermetricians and other misguided souls need to stop trying to make this "race" something it isn't. 

Cabrera should be the unanimous MVP choice.

7. Meanwhile, if I had an NL MVP vote, I'd be going with Braves closer Craig Kimbrel, the single biggest reason Atlanta led its division from wire-to-wire.

When a team blows a late-inning lead, it's bad. When that happens repeatedly, it's catastrophic -- not only in the standings but in the psyche of every player on that team.

What a great joy and comfort it must have been all season for manager Fredi Gonzalez and all the Atlanta players to know their team pretty much was never going to blow a ninth-inning lead.

6. My "hometown" NFL team, the Panthers, better not have spent their bye week patting themselves on their backs for their blowout victory over the Giants. 

Everybody blows out the Giants!

The only team worse than the Giants right now is Jacksonville. And yes, I said "right now" for a reason. The Giants might still be able to find a new low.

5. I have started umpiring youth baseball, something I hadn't done for at least two decades. My first game was supposed to be this coming Wednesday but the umpiring coordinator was in a pinch and asked me call the bases for three games last Sunday involving 9-year-olds.

The first game began at noon. It went so long -- walks, physical errors, more walks, mental mistakes, still more walks; these are 9-year-olds, after all -- that the second game started 45 minutes late. That game also went long, so the third game started more than an hour late, and didn't end until 6:58 p.m.

So I spent 7 hours standing on a hot, dusty field. I tried to stay hydrated but almost surely didn't drink enough. I ate only an apple. By the time I drove home, I had one of the worst headaches of my life.

Next time I have to work more than one game, I will make sure I sit down between innings, will find some shade between games and will force myself to consume several gallons of water. Oh, and I'll take some Advil before the first pitch of the first game!

4. Because I umped all day Sunday, I watched zero football. Just saw a few highlights on ESPN; I couldn't watch it with the volume on because my head was pounding. 

I couldn't help but notice that Jay Cutler was back to his old give-the-ball-away tricks, playing a huge role in the Bears falling to the Lions.

That team will go only as far as its QB takes it, and I wouldn't want to bet my life savings -- or even one-billionth of my billion-dollar portfolio -- on that guy.

3. October is my favorite month.

The World Series (and the playoffs that precede the Series). The NFL in full swing. College football conference games (rather than the creampuff schedules that permeate September). The start of the NHL and NBA seasons. The start of college basketball practice. Wonderful weather here in Charlotte. 

October also is my birthday month. And given that my immaturity prevents me from getting old, what's not to love about that?!?!?!

2. In Monday's least-surprising sports story, the Cubbies fired manager Dale Sveum.

No matter who is running the show, including current Pooh-bah Theo Epstein, firing managers is what the Cubbies do best. 

They're not so hot at pitching or hitting or fielding or running the bases. Firing managers? They are championship-caliber in that domain!

The hot speculation is that Joe Girardi will be the next sucker. Girardi is a Peoria native, a Northwestern grad and a former Cubs catcher, and his contract with the Yankees expires in one month.

Even if he decided to leave New York, why he would want to manage in Cubbieland? Wouldn't several other organizations that have a chance to win before 2020 be more interesting to him? If he doesn't like the scrutiny in New York, why would he like it in Chicago, where Lou Piniella and Dusty Baker each went from genius to dolt (in the fans' eyes) in the space of less than one season? 

Then again, there does seem to be this amazing allure to the Cubs. Everybody wants to be The Guy to fix them. Piniella and Baker are recent examples of proven winners who went to Cubbieland, made an early splash and soon learned the hard way what all the trappings of Cubdom really mean.

If I'm Girardi, I stay with the Yankees. Or I go to just about any other team where winning actually happens. Or I chillax for a couple of years being a TV yakker.

I do just about anything but sign on to be part of Championship-Free Years No. 106, 107, 108 and 109. 

1. I'd come up with a memorable, spectacular, sensational conclusion to this blog post except I'm so excited about the Republicans in the House voting for the gazillionth time to either repeal or defund Obamacare that it's hard to think!

Never mind that repealing Obamacare was the No. 1 Republican goal of the 2012 election ... which they lost ... handily. Also never mind that the GOP also questioned the constitutionality of Obamacare in front of the Supreme Court ... and lost that, too.

This time, they're willing to shut down the entire government and possibly willing to refuse to pay the bills the country already has due. All for a fight they can't win, all to please the tea-partying extremists, all to avoid being "primaried."

What a country.

^

Bears finally sack Lovie The Genius

^
Here's my favorite story from my five years covering Lovie Smith:

During the postgame press conference that followed a particularly horrific performance by the often-horrible Rex Grossman, the media found four different ways to ask Smith why he didn't switch to Brian Griese, the high-priced QB the Bears had acquired just in case Rex got hurt or got bad.

Four times, Lovie dismissed the questions: Rex was his quarterback; the Bears were 10-2; we were morons.

This is what happened next, as chronicled in my Dec. 7, 2006 column:

My brain was about ready to explode. Because I need my brain to think about food, Jack Bauer's plight on "24," golf, Scarlett Johansson and other worthwhile subjects, I could sit silently no longer.

Me: "You did win 10 games with (Kyle) Orton as your quarterback last year and made a change. So, I mean, it's not unprecedented ... "

Lovie, interrupting: "This year ... "

Me, interrupting right back: "I understand that. I understand. It's not an unprecedented thought, that's all. We're not coming out of thin air with this thought."

Lovie: "That doesn't mean a lot to me, though. I'm telling you what I'm going to do. Right now, we're 10-2 with Rex as our quarterback. THAT's not unprecedented."

So there!

He might as well have come back with: "Your momma's not unprecedented!" That would have made as much sense.

Too funny, eh?

I rarely had public debates with those I covered, but that day, I simply couldn't take Lovie's crapola any more.

Tom Landry and Chuck Noll and Bill Parcells and John Madden and countless other championship coaches throughout the years had benched ineffective quarterbacks.

Don Shula benched Earl Morrall at halftime of the 1972 AFC title game -- even though the score was tied and even though Morrall had led the Dolphins to 11 straight wins in place of an injured Bob Griese during the team's perfect season.

Nevertheless, Lovie had so little respect for the media -- not to mention the millions of fans who were clamoring for a QB change -- that he considered us idiots for suggesting Lovie The Genius even consider removing Rex The Unbenchable during a bad performance.

Well, Lovie is now the ex-coach of the Bears.

His dwindling ranks of supporters say he didn't deserve to be canned because the team had played mostly decent football during his time in Chicago and because he led the Bears to only their second Super Bowl appearance ever -- a game they lost to the Colts partly because of the frighteningly bad play of Rex The Unbenchable.

The facts, however, sealed Lovie's fate.

Smith's team reached the playoffs only three times in nine seasons -- and only once in the past six years. Since losing to the Colts in the '07 Super Bowl, Lovie's lads won one division title while finishing third three times and last once.

Lovie always said beating the Packers was No. 1 on the list of things the Bears had to do. Since Jan. 2, 2011, the Bears were 0-6 against the Packers, including a loss in last year's playoffs.

The Bears opened this season 7-1 but folded as soon as the schedule turned tough, dropping five of their next six games. What seemed a sure playoff berth was gone, and even wins in their last two games couldn't save Smith's Bears ... or Smith's job.

Like Rex in the Super Bowl, Lovie couldn't deliver.

Unlike Rex in the Super Bowl, Lovie got benched.

---

There will be much debate about which players deserve which awards in the NFL, but one thing is obvious:

John Elway is the Executive of the Year.

Despite immense public pressure to build around the inexplicably popular Tim Tebow, Elway traded the most overhyped player in recent NFL history to the Jets and brought in Peyton Manning.

Manning threw for 37 TDs and the Broncos ended up with the NFL's best record at 13-3. Tebow couldn't even get on the field for the Jets.

Elway, one of the 10 best QBs ever to lace up cleats, knows Manning belongs on that list, too. Elway also knows Tebow is a train wreck of a quarterback, with neither the physical ability nor mental acumen to play the most important position at the highest level.

Meanwhile, were there an award for Incompetent Executive of the Year, it would go to the Jets brain trust of owner Woody Johnson and GM Mike Tannenbaum.

After signing overrated Mark Sanchez to a contract extension, they wasted a fourth-round draft pick to bring the distracting Tebow Circus to New York. Sanchez fell apart, Jets coach Rex Ryan realized in training camp that Tebow couldn't play and never used him during the season, and what was supposed to be a contending team finished 6-10.

Tannenbaum was fired Monday, in part because the owner couldn't fire himself.
^

Patriots goat Welker: The agony of the irony

^

A month into the 1994 baseball season, I covered a no-hitter pitched by Twins enigma Scott Erickson. What made the feat especially amazing was that he had allowed the most hits in the major leagues the year before.

The most hittable pitcher in baseball throwing a no-hitter. It isn't easy to beat that for irony.

Well, Sunday night in a memorable Super Bowl, Wes Welker out-ironied Erickson.

From 2007-11, the Patriots' star receiver caught 554 passes, by far the most of any NFL player. In the season just concluded, he led the league with 122 catches -- 22 more than anybody else.

And yet there he was Sunday, with about 4 minutes to play, dropping a Tom Brady pass that hit him in the hands. NBC announcer Cris Collinsworth, a former All-Pro receiver, was stunned: "Welker makes that catch 100 times out of 100."

The catch would have given the Patriots a first down inside the Giants' 20-yard line. The Patriots already led by 2 points, so if they had proceeded to go in for a TD, it would have sealed the deal. Even if the Pats would have settled for a field goal, the Giants were down to one time out, there would have been precious little time left and a victory would have been difficult even for comeback king Eli Manning.

But Welker dropped the ball, the Patriots had to punt, and Manning, with plenty of time on the clock and needing only a field goal to take the lead, methodically marched the Giants to the winning score.

There were many things that did the Patriots in, including uncharacteristic penalties, an inability to run the ball and Brady being mortal.

Still, had the NFL's premier pass-catcher caught an eminently catchable pass, the Patriots almost surely would have won their fourth title.

Take that, Scott Erickson!

^

It won't be a Giant upset

^

The Giants appear to be better at just about every position -- even QB, given the way Eli Manning and Tom Brady have been playing lately. That leads many TV yakkers and other "experts" who should know better to wonder why the Patriots actually are favored.

Being favored has fairly little to do with which team the oddsmakers believe will win a game. Oddsmakers try to pick a number that will lead to the same number of bets on each team, plain and simple. If the Giants win, only a fool would call it an upset.

Now that I've wasted time, I guess I actually have to come up with a prediction.

I really, really, really hate picking against Brady and Bill Belichick. But I really, really think the Giants are a good team that is peaking at exactly the right time. The New Jerseyites' defense rates a huge edge over its Massachusetts counterpart, and defense still counts for something.

Giants 23, Patriots 20.

And they won't even need a guy to catch a pass with his helmet this time.

^

Misery has company: Williams & Cundiff

^

I don't feel sorry for Kyle Williams and Billy Cundiff. They are well-compensated professional athletes who are paid not to play football but to achieve at football. The Niners return man and Ravens kicker each had his team's potential for success in his hands (and feet) ... and each failed.

Still, I wouldn't wish the special kind of misery each is going through now on anybody. No human being should have to go through life being labeled a goat, a choker, a loser or worse. It's not as if both guys wanted to mess up.

In the end, I give a lot of credit to Williams and Cundiff, each of whom stood before a media throng and owned up to his failure, making no excuses, blaming no one else. That takes courage and class.

Here's hoping that Williams and Cundiff each get another shot at playoff glory ... and that each makes good next time.

^

Prediction: XLII rematch (sans David Tyree)

^

The home team is 7-1 in the NFL playoffs. Even the Broncos, who deserved a playoff berth as much as I deserve to be the next president (not that I wouldn't do at least as well as today's incumbent and candidates) won their home playoff game.

The one road victor? The New York Giants, who did pretty much whatever they wanted in Green Bay last week.

The Giants are this year's version of the 2010 Packers and 2005 Steelers. Oh, and the 2007 Giants. Those teams quite arguably weren't the best in the NFL in those seasons, but they got hot at the right time and rolled to win championships.

These Giants have the same QB as the 2007 Giants, but Eli Manning is so much better now. In addition, they have been running the ball well and putting immense pressure on the opposing quarterback.

49ers QB Alex Smith showed a lot in last week's win against the Saints, but can he excel two weeks in a row against a defense that will relentlessly pursue him?

I'm answering "No" to that question and going with the hot QB, the on-fire team and the only club to have won a road game this postseason.

Giants 24, Niners 19.

In the AFC, I have a weakness: I can't pick against Tom Brady.

That worked fine 10 years ago but it certainly hasn't been an automatic recipe for success in recent seasons.

Oh well, fool me six times, shame on me.

Patriots 34, Ravens 17.

^

Today's High 5: Brady beats Tebow ... the Devil made him do it!

^

5. Remember how Tim Tebow passed for 316 yards (and averaged 31.6 yards per completion) in last week's upset of the Steelers, and his fellow ultra-believers quickly pointed out the religious significance of that total? You know, John 3:16 and all.

What a divine coincidence!

Well good news, kids: There were fun coincidences involving the performance of Tebow and his Broncos this weekend, too!

For example, Tebow passed for 136 yards. John 1:36 says: "And he looked at Jesus as He walked, and said, 'Behold, the Lamb of God!" That's all well and good, but there's a reason no sports teams are called the Lambs.

Denver lost 45-10 to the Patriots in a game that wasn't nearly as close as the final score indicated. That 35-point spread? Well, 3 + 5 = 8, and that's how many wives the Old Testament says David had. (Not sure what that has to do with football, but it's at least as meaningful a coincidence as the whole John 3:16 deal.)

Tom Brady had 6 touchdown passes. Touchdowns are worth 6 points. The lack of a Denver pass rush gave Brady 6 seconds in the pocket each time he went back to pass. 6-6-6! Obviously, Brady is the Devil's pawn!

I could go on, but that's enough biblical "coincidences" for one day, don't ya think?

4. This year's Giants remind me of last year's Packers. Good team getting better just when it matters most.

This year's Packers, meanwhile, remind me of, well, every other team that's been crowned far too early.

And to think, if the NFL ran things the way the NCAA does, the Packers would have been granted an automatic spot in the Super Bowl.

3. The Giants won despite getting royally hosed by the referee, who ignored overwhelming video evidence and refused to overturn a horrible no-fumble call.

Had that call been made correctly, the game probably would have been a rout.

2. It's only mid-January, but I'll be surprised if there is a more entertaining sporting event all year than the 49ers-Saints game.

1. I like Joe Buck and Troy Aikman, but they lost me when they wondered out loud if the two-week layoff had made Aaron Rodgers and the Packers rusty.

Please.

The Patriots, 49ers and Ravens also had two-week layoffs. They somehow managed to shake off the rust.

The Giants had something to do with Rodgers having a bad game. The fact that Green Bay receivers played as if they had anvils attached to their hands had something to do with Rodgers' poor performance, too.

Bottom line: The Giants outplayed the Packers in every phase. Give them credit. Don't give the Packers excuses.

^

Tebow to me (and millions of others): In your face!

^

Just as I predicted, there would be no stopping Tim Tebow!

Hey, give the dude credit. After a bad first quarter for him and the Broncos, he played the best long stretch of his short NFL career. Despite his many flaws, Tebow showed why playoffs are great in every sport (except Division I college football, where there aren't any):

Anything can and will happen.

Including my first couple of prognosticating screwups of 2012.

Another point hammered home: It's tough to win on the road in the NFL. All four home teams won ... and I was foolish enough to pick two road winners.

At least the Steelers made it close. The Falcons looked inept against the suddenly rolling G-Men. My buddy Mitch, a Giants fan since Lawrence Taylor was smoking crack from a high chair, is awfully giddy today!

^

Like it or not, La Russa wins his way

^
First, Scott Rolen.

Then, Jim Edmonds.

Now, Colby Rasmus.

And probably a few other guys I can't think of off the top of my head.

I don't want to say Tony La Russa can be a less-than-pleasant manager to play for, but ... OK, I guess I do want to say it.

He's not the best for media mopes, either. The one time I had a chance to observe him at length came in March 2008, when I covered a week of Cardinals spring training in Florida. The St. Louis press corps had to tiptoe around every topic, afraid to step on the eggshell that is Tony's massive, overly sensitive ego.

The beat guys from the Post-Dispatch managed to hang in there pretty well, but some of the others, including the local MLB.com guy, felt they had to ask questions in a certain way to avoid feeling the skipper's wrath.

"Um, Tony, we know you are the greatest manager ever and we'd never second-guess you for an instant, but could you please explain why you might consider batting Skip Schumacher leadoff ... "

OK, maybe it wasn't quite that bad, but you get my drift.

Even though La Russa had seen me around the ballpark for years, he really had no clue who I was. And he didn't particularly care. The third or fourth day I was there in Florida, it was a little chilly so I was wearing my Marquette pullover. La Russa mentioned he had become friendly with then-MU coach Tom Crean. This led to a 5-minute conversation between us and, for the rest of the week, Tony didn't get pissed at me just for asking routine questions.

All in all, though, I thought he was quite a jerk, and I wasn't the least bit surprised he was in the Bobby Knight-Bill Parcells circle of friends.

Then again, the Cardinals shouldn't care if the media or even the players like their manager. No matter the makeup of the roster, La Russa almost always keeps the team competitive.

One need not be a jerk to be a good manager -- as Joe Torre, Terry Francona, Bob Lemon and numerous others have proven -- but given the choice of a jerk who wins or a lovable lug who loses, any intelligent owner would take the former.

Even if it occasionally results in a good player taking a hike.
^

History that never will be repeated

^
Every once in a while, a historical nugget catches my eye. Just such a thing happened Monday, when I saw a little blurb in the paper noting that it was the 62nd anniversary of a 23-inning game between the Brooklyn Dodgers and Boston Braves.

The most unique thing wasn't the length of the game, which was suspended due to darkness with the score tied at 2. It was this stat line for Dodgers starter Whit Wyatt:

16 IP, 15 H, 2 R, 2 BB, 5 K

That's right: Rookie manager Leo Durocher let Wyatt pitch the first 16 innings for the Dodgers.

Sixteen innings!

These days, managers are routinely criticized for letting guys pitch half that many innings in games for fear of injury.

Wyatt took the mound again five days later and lasted only 1 2/3 innings, but pitched a complete game victory five days after that. He did end up missing the last two months with an injury that season but rebounded to win 56 games from 1940-42.

In 1941, his best season, he went 22-10 with 23 complete games and 7 shutouts. He capped his season by throwing 2 complete games against the Yankees in the World Series, winning Game 2 and losing Game 5. (That Series was best known for Mickey Owen's famed dropped third strike, which cost the Dodgers a win in Game 4.)

Wyatt pitched through 1945 before retiring at 38. He probably would have lasted a couple more seasons but his arm must've still been tired from that 16-inning stint six years earlier.

If a manager today let a pitcher throw 16 innings on June 27, he'd be fired before June 28.

Durocher wasn't fired. He went on to manage in four more decades, win 2,009 games and get inducted into the Hall of Fame.
^

Smokeless Bears, meet smoking Reds

^
The Bald Truth

Funny thing about smoke & mirrors ...

Smoke eventually gets blown away and mirrors are proven to distort reality.

The Bears painfully learned this lesson Sunday night, when a team nowhere near as good as its 3-0 record was folded, spindled and mutilated by a mediocre Giants squad.

In sports, as in real life, reality often is no stinkin' fun at all.

The Balder Truth

Jay Cutler's concussion was caused by none other than ... Jay Cutler.

As NBC's Cris Collinsworth pointed out, Cutler repeatedly held onto the football too long and repeatedly failed to locate the "hot" receiver every time the Giants blitzed. So Cutler repeatedly got clobbered by the Giants, who by halftime knocked him out of the game.

All of which underscores why Collinsworth is the most astute football analyst on TV and why Cutler hasn't even been close to a .500 QB during his overrated, overpaid career.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

It will be impossible to top the Great Cincinnati Smoke-Out as the Most Stupiderest Sports Story of 2010.

Seems a few Cincinnatians with Skyline Chili for brains actually complained to the state of Ohio because Reds players lit up victory cigars in the clubhouse after the team clinched its first division title in 15 years.

And now the state will use taxpayer money to investigate the situation.

Hey, nobody loves anti-smoking bans more than I do. It's wonderful to go to a restaurant or to attend a concert at a club without coming home smelling like an ashtray.

But really? A few victory cigars in a champagne-soaked, celebratory clubhouse? This is the fight these yahoos want to wage?

Warning to Reds players: Don't fist-bump any young fans, lest you be charged with child abuse.

Stop the press! Urlacher tells truth about himself

^

The Bald Truth

Last year, anybody who dared say that Brian Urlacher was playing poorly got an earful from the Bears' proud middle linebacker.

Also, from Lovie Smith, Jerry Angelo, Bob Babich (Lovie's defensive coordinator wannabe), Lance Briggs, Peanut Tillman and from pretty much everybody who had anything to do with the team - including Staley, Mrs. McCaskey and the Galloping Ghost's ghost.

How dare we look at Brian The Great and view him as Brian The OK?

So I found it most interesting that, in a one-on-one interview with Tribune football writer Dan Pompei, Urlacher admitted he "got pushed around at times" last season.

"I wasn't happy with last year, put it that way. It wasn't one of those years I'll look back on and remember as a good year."

What? Didn't Brian get the memo that he could do no wrong?

Now 31, he has pronounced himself healthy, happy and rarin' to go. That must sound good to the intelligent Bear fans who know it was the defense - not the much-maligned offense - that most often condemned the team to defeat last season.

Because I'm an objective skeptic and not a fan, I think I'll wait until October or so to see if Urlacher had the right to declare, "I'm back" ... or if Michael Jordan should sue him for plagiarism.

The Quote

"Well, we've had a lot of injuries this year, Tony. We don't use that as an excuse, but ... " - Lou Piniella on Wednesday's "Pardon the Interruption."

Oh no, the Cubbie skipper never uses injuries as an excuse.

Except pretty much every day.

The Balder Truth

There's a reason Kyle Lohse has an 82-87 career record with a 4.67 ERA.

So if the Cardinals are waiting for the guy who went 15-6 with a 3.78 ERA last year, they might have a long wait.

For all the good work GM John Mozeliak did leading up to the trading deadline, the Cards still might find themselves an arm or two short at summer's end.

Archie's Boy/Peyton's Bro

Six years, $97 million? Good for you, Eli Manning!

That's a pretty nice haul for a guy who isn't even one of the top two QBs in his own family.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Twenty-six years ago, a sweet, young Chicago woman named Roberta Palenica took a chance on a slightly overweight, extremely hairy, cocky, loud, East Coast knucklehead named Mike Nadel.

I'm glad she didn't think about it too much back on Aug. 6, 1983. Because if she had, she might have said: "I don't."

In the 26 years since, I've gotten a little thinner, a lot balder and, yes, even a little quieter (but only a little). My Robbie? She's more gorgeous now than ever. Really.

Here we are just a couple months ago at a Roger Clyne & The Peacemakers concert. What ever happened to the theory that men age more gracefully than women?

Anyway, I just want to wish my beautiful bride a Happy Anniversary and thank her for thinking I was an acceptable catch instead of throwing me back!

Willie Mays is very much alive, thank you

^

So I was sitting in the third row of the White Sox press box the other day when I overheard a couple of fellow scribes talking.

"Hey, did you see who died?" asked one.

My ears perked up. It had been a newsworthy week for celebrity deaths - Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson - and I was naturally curious to hear who was next.

"Yeah, Willie Mays," said the other. 

The two then changed to a different subject, which I thought was odd. I mean, come on! 

Willie Mays, the greatest ballplayer of a generation - the greatest ever, many believe - is dead, and these two supposed baseball guys just blow it off with a simple mention?!?

So I went on a couple of sports Web sites and I didn't see word one on the passing of The Say Hey Kid, which I thought was even odder. He might not have been as big as the King of Pop, but surely he had more star power even now than Farrah or Johnny's sidekick.

Then I got busy writing and kind of forgot to check on it again until I got home from the ballpark.

Over dinner, my son Ben asked: "Did you hear who died?"

To which I answered with great certainty: "Yeah, Willie Mays. What a bummer."

My son laughed and so did my wife, which I thought was the oddest thing of all.

"What?" said I, clearly upset. "Maybe the best ballplayer ever is dead and that's your reaction?"

"Billy," Ben said.

"Huh?" I asked.

"Billy Mays is the one who died, you dodo," my wife said, leaving me with only one response:

"Who?"

"You know," Ben said, "the guy from the infomercials."

I didn't know. I'm not trying to trivialize a man's death. I simply had never heard of him. 

After dinner, I went online and looked up Billy Mays. His picture was vaguely familiar but, until right then, I wouldn't have known who he was if he had been sitting next to me in the press box.

A couple of the obits I read referred to him as an "infomercial legend."

Really? There's such a thing as a legend of infomercials?

If Billy Mays is a legend, what does that make Willie Mays?

Anyway, I'm sorry, Willie. I didn't mean to bump you off before your time! 

I just hope I'm listening more carefully if I overhear folks talking about the death of legendary cream cheese inventor Philly Mays.