The Art of The Scoop -- Remembering Ozzie & Others

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What is a scoop? Everything from getting the tiniest fact before a competitor to bringing down a president through months of exhaustive research -- a la Woodward & Bernstein -- has been labeled "scoops."

In these days of Twitter, Vine and other miracles of the interwebs, it's muddled even more. If Reporter A finds out that Joe Quarterback has stubbed his toe 20 seconds before Reporter B does, is it a "scoop"? (Sure. Why not? It's at least a mini-scoop.)

Many stories labeled as scoops developed from interviews -- the subject tells something newsworthy to the reporter, who becomes the first to chronicle it. Somewhere in the neighborhood of 100% of the scoops during my newspaper days were of this variety.

I'll discuss this a little more in a bit, but first, here's the impetus for me thinking about this right now:

It's is the 10-year anniversary of what was probably my final "scoop" as a journalist.

White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen believed he was being mistreated by fans and was so distraught he told me he would seriously consider quitting ... but only if his team went on to win the World Series.

For those who might not remember, here is the column I wrote for the Copley Newspapers and its news service ...

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September 22, 2005

Feeling so stressed out that he regularly vomits and feeling unappreciated by Chicago's boo-first fans, White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen says he might quit after the season if his team wins the World Series.

"I've got (championship) rings already and I'm proud of them, but if I win here, if I help the White Sox do this, it will give me a chance to walk away if I want to," an emotional Guillen told me before Wednesday night's 8-0 loss to the Cleveland Indians.

"I will think about it. I will think about it twice. The way I'm thinking right now, I will tell (general manager) Kenny Williams to get another manager and I'll get the (bleep) out of here. I'll make more money signing autographs instead of dealing with this (bleep)."

I have heard Ozzie say some wild things during his two seasons as Sox skipper, but this one floored me.

Here's a 41-year-old, second-year manager who has guided a modestly talented team to the American League's best record, a guy who in just a few weeks could be the first Chicago manager in 88 years to spray championship champagne, a former White Sox All-Star who gets misty-eyed when discussing his love of the organization ... and he is seriously contemplating his grand exit.

I wanted to make sure I heard him correctly, so I asked him repeatedly to clarify his comments. And he kept saying the same things, often raising his voice to accentuate certain points.

"I'm not kidding, not at all," Guillen said. "I want the fans to be able to say, 'Hey, we finally did it!' I want to make them proud. I want to win the World Series, and then maybe i'm gone. I'll even help Kenny look for someone else.

"I don't give a (bleep) about the money; I've got all I need. The thing is, I'm stressed every day.

"Do I have the best job in the world? Yes, because I'm managing the team I love. I'm managing my team. But every time we lose, I feel sick. I (vomit) sometimes. I get mad. I throw things in my office. It makes me crazy.

"I went to the World Series as a player (with Atlanta) and won one as a coach (with Florida). If I can do it as the manager here, I can say: 'Everything I want to do in baseball, I did it.' Then I'll make my decision."

Frankly, I doubt Guillen will have to worry about winning the World Series.

Although Wednesday's loss reduced their one-time 15-game AL Central lead over Cleveland to 21/2 games, I still think the Sox will make the playoffs (perhaps only as a wild-card team). I simply don't believe they have enough firepower or pitching to advance beyond the first round.

The Indians are so much more talented it's ridiculous. Travis Hafner alone is as good as any three White Sox. Nevertheless, with the division lead dwindling, many fans are taking out their frustrations on Guillen.

A half-hour after telling dozens of reporters that he didn't mind being booed at U.S.Cellular Field - even joking about "the 30,000 managers helping me out" - Guillen showed his vulnerable side during our long conversation.

"It makes me sad when they boo me," he said. "Sometimes I think they don't appreciate me. They should, because I played my (bleep) off for them and now I'm managing my (bleep) off for them.

"You know how many managers are dying for 91 wins right now? And we have that and they don't appreciate that? It makes me wonder what happens if I only have 71 wins, how are they gonna treat me? I mean, they treat me like (bleep) when I'm winning 91.

"My kids are here at the ballpark and they ask me later why I'm getting booed. I say it's part of my job, but deep down inside, it hurts. If I was doing a (bleep) job, sure, go ahead and boo me, but I think I'm doing pretty good."

So do I. With his boundless energy, confident personality, brutal honesty, zany (and often profane) sense of humor and aggressive style, Guillen convinced a completely retooled team - one many preseason prognosticators predicted would finish in fourth place - to believe it could accomplish anything.

The White Sox have blown most of their 15-game lead largely because the starting pitchers have slumped these last seven weeks. Just when it seemed the Sox were ready to choke completely, Guillen led them to a series victory in Minnesota.

Then came the first two games of the Cleveland series, in which the Indians kept taking leads and Ozzie's resilient Sox kept battling back. If the White Sox do qualify for postseason play, credit Tuesday's stirring comeback. Guillen's forceful, can-do attitude played a huge role in that triumph - and in the team's other 32 one-run victories.

Though it's easy to quibble with in-game decisions, the true measure of any manager is his ability to steer his ship through both smooth and choppy waters. That's why he's often called a "skipper."

Ozzie Guillen has been a superb skipper. If White Sox fans don't realize that, they don't deserve him.

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A few interesting things (hey, at least I think they're interesting) about this column on its anniversary:

++ The genesis of it was this: Guillen was talking to a couple dozen reporters before a game, as managers routinely do. Unlike most managers, Ozzie had absolutely no filter and would say anything anytime. This particular time, he was grousing about the fans, and he felt he was being treated unfairly. After about a 2-minute discussion, the subject changed to something else. (Probably about Jay Mariotti being a jerk.) But as I stood there, I couldn't help but think that Ozzie really was deeply hurt by fans booing him, and I decided that if I had an opportunity to follow up with him about it, I would.

++ On some occasions in the past, my instincts had been wrong. Either the subject didn't feel like discussing a situation in greater detail or there simply was nothing there. This time, though, I happened to be right. About a half-hour after his session with reporters, I pulled Ozzie aside near the back of the batting cage and asked him a question. He went on a 3-minute, stream-of-consciousness rant that would form the basis of my column. When he said he was so upset about the perceived mistreatment that he "pukes sometimes," I knew I had something worth writing. I asked a couple of follow-up questions and he kept going, his voice rising. Friends up in the press box could see Ozzie making exaggerated hand gestures as he talked. Because Ozzie sometimes spoke in broken English and because he often was a jokester, I asked him several times if he was serious; I didn't want to report something only to be told later I hadn't gotten the joke or I hadn't understood. He assured me he was serious and he continued to talk.

++ The result was the column. By the next morning, it was the "water-cooler topic" in Chicago sports. I was asked to go on several radio shows to discuss it. Many newspapers that had nothing to do with my employer mentioned it, as did ESPN. That afternoon, before the White Sox's next game, Guillen again met with the media. My column was the main topic of conversation.

++ To his credit, Guillen never claimed he was misquoted, never tried to back away from what he said and never claimed to have been taken out of context. (The "out-of-context" lie has become the preferred lie of public officials everywhere, as they know they can't say they were misquoted because reporters all use recording devices now.) I liked Ozzie well before this interview, but this situation helped cement his status as one of my favorite people I have covered.

++ A couple of my Chicago sports journalism colleagues tried to say it wasn't a story at all because Guillen had jokingly made similar claims in the past. I don't blame those folks for being dismissive or trying to come up with an excuse, because it's never fun to get "scooped." My fellow columnists at the Tribune, the Southtown and other publications stuck up for me, which was nice.

++ In the ensuing weeks, everybody from USA Today to the Christian Science Monitor made references to Ozzie's remarks to me. In a book he wrote about the 2005 White Sox, Tribune reporter Mark Gonzalez devoted a few pages to it. For a reporter, having written something that kept people talking for weeks or even months definitely was satisfying.

++ I was dead wrong about one thing in that column: my assessments that the Indians were "so much more talented it's ridiculous" and that Guillen wouldn't have to "worry about winning the World Series." The White Sox caught fire again just in time -- in great part because of Ozzie's motivational skills and his handling of the pitching staff -- and Ozzie became the toast of the town.

++ I never really thought Ozzie would quit, and not just because I doubted they'd win the Series. I was quite sure he was just reacting -- some would say over-reacting -- to a perceived slight. Ozzie often was guilty of being "very human," the classic example of the cliche, "he wears his emotions on his sleeve." He often got in trouble because of his knee-jerk emotional reactions.

++ I'm pretty sure most intelligent observers agreed with me that there was little to no chance of Ozzie quitting. But that wasn't really the point. The column opened a window into the soul of a major sports figure in Chicago history. I mean, the man was so distraught about the fans booing him that he regularly puked! It was news.

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Three more favorite scoops:

1. As a 23-year-old reporter for AP in Madison, I interviewed Badgers forward Cory Blackwell, the Big Ten's leading scorer and rebounder that season. During the course of a long interview, he told me he was planning to leave after his junior season to go pro.

That was news enough because it wasn't all that common in 1984 for players to leave early for the NBA, especially if they weren't shoo-in superstars. Even more telling was the way he said it: He played in Chicago summer leagues against the likes of Isiah Thomas and Doc Rivers, and he schooled them! During the course of the interview, he also ripped Badgers coach Steve Yoder.

It ended up being a great read. And of course, the next day, Blackwell denied it all, said he was misquoted, yada yada yada.

After he spoke to the other reporters, pointing at me and calling me a liar, I confronted him at the end of the court, about 60 feet away from where the other reporters were gathered. It must have been a hilarious scene, as we weren't exactly talking quietly and our hands were moving in exaggerated gestures. 

The next day, the Wisconsin State Journal took Blackwell's "side." The Milwaukee papers also were skeptical of my article.

I ended up doubling down -- getting a source to confirm Blackwell's intentions. And, naturally, he DID go pro. He was Seattle's second-round draft pick but played in only 60 NBA games. Maybe he dominated Isiah Thomas in the summer leagues -- riiiight! -- but he wasn't good enough when the games actually mattered.

2. During my time as AP's sports guy in Minneapolis, I used to joke with my newspaper friends that they should be fired immediately if I ever got a "scoop." After all, their entire job was to closely follow the ins and outs of their teams, while I had to cover four pro sports, a major university and even some preps.

But of course, sometimes scoops "just happen." That was the case in 1991 when, near the end of a difficult season, I interviewed Timberwolves coach Bill Musselman after practice. Even though the T-Wolves actually had exceeded expectations their first two years in the league, Musselman was being criticized by some for not giving young players more court time. Mostly, he was accused of stunting the development of 1990 top draft pick Gerald Glass; the ultra-intense Mussleman wanted Glass to actually earn playing time.

Not long into the interview, Musselman started expressing the belief that even management was against him. Just as I knew I had a great column about Ozzie when he mentioned puking, I knew I had something with Musselman when he said Timberwolves president Bob Stein "hates me."

There were denials all around. Musselman, who had always been a straight shooter with me, disappointed me by claiming he had been taken out of context. Stein denied there was a rift. Everybody tried to put on a happy face.

Of course, a month later, Musselman was fired.

And Gerald Glass? He was a soft player who refused to play defense and was soon out of the league -- Musselman had been right about him.

3. A year after Michael Jordan came out of retirement the second time (to play for the Wizards), I had heard from some "friends of friends" that he never really wanted to retire after the 1998 season but felt he had to when Jerrys Krause and Reinsdorf insisted upon pushing out Phil Jackson and bringing in college coach (and Krause buddy) Tim Floyd.

So I began asking around and several sources confirmed that, despite saying he was gone if Jackson left, Jordan would have stayed had the Bulls promoted assistant coach John Paxson or maybe even hired Bill Cartwright, another trusted former teammate. Then, on Dec. 31, 2002, I had a great conversation with then Trail Blazer Scottie Pippen, who said on the record: "I know Michael would have played for Pax."

With that, I knew I had a decent column, but it really came together two days later when a source extremely close to Jordan told me: "Michael would have loved playing for Pax. John Paxson would have been the perfect solution."

It was great to have the truth come out: Reinsdorf let Krause convince him he could rebuild the team quickly by dumping all the big-money players who were starting to get up there in age -- even Jordan. The Bulls would draft early (hello, Eddy Curry and Marcus Fizer), would sign big-name free agents (Tim Duncan! Grant Hill! Tracy McGrady!), and Floyd would guide the Bulls back to prominence.

As Rick Perry would say: Oops.

The Bulls stunk for years and, soon enough, Floyd and Krause were unemployed. Ironically, the man Reinsdorf chose to replace Krause was Paxson.

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A couple of final thoughts about scoops ...

In 2005, when the Ozzie situation happened, the Internet was becoming a powerful tool -- but Twitter did not yet exist and Facebook, mostly a college curiosity, was in its infancy. When something happened on Sept. 22, it wasn't until it appeared in the newspaper on Sept. 23 that its impact was really felt -- which had been the case for more than a century.

Within a year or two, that was no longer true. Scoops happen fast and furiously, often several in a day. Now, there are what I call SCOOPS and mini-scoops.

It's hard for me to get excited about a mini-scoop -- a relatively minor story that's broken at 10:33 a.m. only to be matched by another outlet at 10:35 a.m.

I'm more impressed than ever by actual SCOOPS, though. There is so much competition and so much immediacy. Also, public figures are so guarded. So to actually "work it" and have an interesting and/or important story come to fruition ... I really respect that.

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Lastly ...

I hope people don't read this as bragging. The mere fact that I can remember so few scoops so clearly is evidence that I wasn't exactly a "scoop machine." I fully admit that I fell into at least a couple of them.

Having said that, it definitely was a rush when an instinct played out and resulted in a legitimate story.

Real scoops are like no-hitters. If they happened all the time, they wouldn't be special.
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A sweet World Series prediction and a sweeter victory

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I didn't know Mike Matheny during his playing days, but I respected the intensity, leadership and game-calling skills he brought to the Cardinals. When he left as a free agent after helping the Cardinals get to the 2004 World Series, I columnized that they would miss him terribly.

And they did.

For about a year.

Yadier Molina has become a much better hitter than most thought he would be. Add in those amazing defensive skills, and he is the best all-around catcher of the new millennium. He was a vital part of St. Louis teams that won titles in 2006 and 2011.

Now both Molina and Matheny are back in the World Series with the Cardinals. The former is still as great as ever, and the latter is showing that Tony La Russa isn't the only recent manager who can guide the Cards to greatness.

Logic says to pick the Red Sox to win the World Series, but there's just something about these Cardinals. 

Whether it's some young kid (talkin' 'bout you, Michael Wacha) pitching out of his mind at just the right time ... an important offensive contributor (Allen Craig this time) coming back from injury ... a veteran who has been great forever (Carlos Beltran) finally getting a chance to bask in the Fall Classic glow ... or the reunion of the Molina-Matheny tandem ... I just find the Cardinals' story so compelling.

Unlike 2004, when the Red Sox finally got past the Yankees and then steamrolled the Cardinals to win their first championship of the post-Babe era, this looks to be a crazy-good series.

Cardinals in 7.

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Say what you want about Ozzie Guillen. In 2005, he had the guts to do what no other manager has done for a couple of decades now -- stick with his starting pitchers when the you-know-what hits the fan.

In that year's ALCS, Guillen's pitchers threw four consecutive complete games and the White Sox won that series and then the World Series. If he had failed, he would have been ripped mercilessly. But he didn't.

Fast-forward to this year's ALCS. As good a manager as Jim Leyland has been, he falls right in line with every other skipper today. No matter how dominant his starter has been, he can't resist going to the bullpen in the eighth and ninth innings.

Well, like Guillen in 2005, Leyland didn't have a proven, reliable closer. Unlike Guillen in 2005, Leyland kept taking out the likes of Max Scherzer and Justin Verlander ... to tragic results.

The Red Sox deserved to win the series, but one wonders what would have happened if Leyland had the Guillen-like guts to let his aces finish what they started. 

The good news for the Tigers: Scherzer and Verlander will be well-rested for next April!

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Jay Cutler just got even more valuable.

I'm not a big fan of the Bears' whiny, inconsistent QB -- you know, the one with one career playoff victory in eight seasons -- but I'd rather have him than a host of others. Including new QB-by-default Josh McCown.

Cutler looked awfully good standing there in street clothes while Caleb Hanie played in his place a couple of years ago, and McCown will make him look good in absentia, too.

Given that this is a contract year and that the Bears probably weren't going anywhere anyway -- I mean, have you seen what's left of that defense? -- this could end up having been quite a fortuitous injury for Cutler.

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Football ... baseball ... hockey ... basketball ... golf ... auto racing ... there were all kinds of contests over the weekend.

The biggest, of course, was the Best Dessert Competition in the Matthews Plantation subdivision. Won by ...

Is there any wonder why I keep my wife around?

Also, is there any wonder why my belly is round?

Congrats to my Sugar Mama!!

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Milton Bradley must not have been available

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Yep, Cra-Z Zambrano is sure to settle down nicely under the calm guidance of Ozzie Guillen.

Gotta admit: It would be fun to be a columnist in Miami next baseball season.
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Today's High Five: Tebow, Tiger and (who?) Sveum

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5. This whole Tim Tebow thing is pretty amazing. I'm not sure I've ever seen a situation in which a QB can play so consistently bad for so long and then somehow rally his team at the end.

But here's the deal Tebow's giddy worshippers might not get: This can't last. It just can't.

Either Tebow will develop at least some true quarterbacking skills, or he will not be able to play long-term in the NFL.

While acknowledging that Tebow has been impressive (in his own weird way) so far, I am at least a year or two away from admitting I'm wrong when I say I doubt he will be a standout NFL QB.

There's a reason the likes of Bobby Douglass and Tarvaris Jackson and Kordell Stewart didn't succeed over the long haul while Steve Young and Roger Staubach and Randall Cunningham did.

Either you learn to be an NFL quarterback and use your mobility to enhance those skills, or you become just another guy destined for those "remember him?" stories.

4. Tiger Woods isn't anywhere near "back," so I wish commentators and reporters would stop saying it every time he makes a spectacular shot or has a decent round.

We'll know Tiger is back when he wins a major. Period.

He judges himself by how he does in majors. Why should the rest of us judge him any differently?

3. Big win for my Lady Bucs, as we rebounded from our season-opening loss to handily defeat one of our archrivals, Providence Day.

Our defense was impenetrable in the second half, when we didn't allow a single point.

As I told the girls afterward: Nobody ever has lost a basketball game when shutting out the opponent.

2. Interesting that both the White Sox and Cardinals hired former players with no managing experience to replace World Series-winning skippers. Robin Ventura and Mike Matheny are born leaders, so it does make some sense.

It's a cool trend, and I hope it works.

1. In his first big move as new Cubbie Savior, Theo Epstein did something very different from his predecessors.

Jim Hendry and Andy MacPhail, feeling pressure from media and fans, always hired a big name -- a.k.a. "the best manager available": Lou Piniella, Dusty Baker, Don Baylor, Jim Riggleman. Each man had some good times but each ultimately failed.

Epstein could have pleased many fans (and followed the White Sox-Cardinals trend) by tabbing Ryne Sandberg. Instead, he went with a relative unknown, the beautifully bald Dale Sveum.

Then again, this being Cubbieland, does it really matter? They all come in full of life and they all go out in a figurative body bag.

After he fires Sveum in 2-3 years, I'll be curious to see who Epstein goes with next.

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Ozzie, Marlins: Be careful what you ask for

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So, how far into the 2012 season will Jack McKeon again become the Marlins' interim manager?

On another note, it's pretty hard to argue that Bud Selig was wrong about the wild card adding excitement to baseball.

Of course, I'm not saying those races are any more exciting than the Cubs' pursuit of a fourth-place tie with Pittsburgh.

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Time for Ozzie to go - finally

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It was six years ago today that Ozzie Guillen gave me one of the best stories of my journalism career -- telling me that if the White Sox beat the odds to win the World Series, he might celebrate by quitting. The stress was too much, he said, and he was sick of being unappreciated by the fans.

He didn't need the job. He could walk away anytime. "I'll make more money signing autographs," he said, "instead of dealing with this shit."

The next day, when the shit was hitting the fan because of his comments, he could have claimed he was misquoted or his words were taken out of context. That's the course of action of many public figures, cowards all. Ozzie didn't do that. He told waves of reporters that he said what he said and he meant every word. I'll always be thankful for that.

Well, as everybody knows, the Sox went on to give Chicago its first baseball championship since women earned the right to vote. And, as everybody knows, Ozzie stayed. I'm glad, because he's one of the most fun, colorful, interesting sports people I've known. Chicago baseball has been better because he's been a part of it.

In the years since our interview, Ozzie often has resurrected variations of that rant: When he gets fired, so be it; he doesn't really need the job and the hassles that go with it.

You know what? The time has come for him to leave the hassles behind.

Change is good. Eight years as a manager for one team is a long time, especially for a bombastic guy with absolutely no filter between brain and mouth.

Ozzie has one year left on his contract and wants assurances from Jerry Reinsdorf that he will be allowed to stay in Chicago beyond that.

If I'm Reinsdorf, I say no dice. Two division titles in eight years -- and two losing seasons the last three years -- hardly gives a manager leverage to dictate terms. Especially when that manager has spent this season overseeing a disgusting display of ineptitude by a team expected to contend.

I wouldn't think this would be a tough call for Reinsdorf, who coldly and unnecessarily imploded his Bulls dynasty after the second threepeat.

Ozzie Guillen has accomplished a lot and has stayed true to himself in doing so. He even has outlasted -- by several years -- columnist-turned-criminal Jay Mariotti.

It's not as if he would stay unemployed for long. The Marlins supposedly want him, and he loves Miami. (The Cubs could do a lot worse, too, but Ozzie probably needs the fresh start of another city.)

OK, so he wouldn't be going out on top, wouldn't be quitting just after a World Series triumph, but he'd be leaving a pretty nice legacy behind.

And if you don't think one championship is much of a legacy, you don't know anything about Chicago baseball.

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Corey Patterson to White Sox: THANKS!!!

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I didn't even know Corey Patterson was still in the majors. Really.

Turns out, he is. And, thanks to White Sox pitching, he's a .300 hitter.

The former Cubbie prospect-turned-washout is now with the Blue Jays. And after going 9-for-12 with 6 runs, 4 RBI and 2 HR in two games against the Sad Sox, his average climbed 33 points to .301. The homers matched his season total coming into the series, which the Blue Jays dominated to set Ozzie Guillen off on a couple more f-bomb festivals.

The White Sox next play Boston, and sources say Hee-Seop Choi is begging the Red Sox to sign him so he can resurrect his career, too.
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It was just Ozzie twitting Ozzie

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Oh, Ozzie, you're such a wacky twit.

Gets me thinking:

What would Billy Martin have twitted about George Steinbrenner?
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Trump's a real card

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I sure am gonna miss The Donald when he's The Ex-Candidate.

The loudest of the many, um, interesting characters angling for the GOP presidential nod, Donald Trump is Ozzie Guillen ... with a more annoying accent and without something tangible like a World Series title on his resume.

The guy built his wealth by abusing bankruptcy laws. And most of today's Americans know him only as a reality TV buffoon. Yep, sounds like presidential timber to me!

Trump has only a slim chance to win the GOP nomination -- regardless of what polls say -- and, if he did, he'd have zero chance to beat Barack Obama in the 2012 general election. But that's besides the point.

He's fun, he says something outrageous every day and I hope he stays in the race until the end.

But he won't ... so I've already wasted too much time talking about him. Sorry.

Nadel ... Nadal ... let's not quibble!

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An uncle can't be much prouder than I am of my nephew Rafa. The boy doesn't know how to spell the family name, but he's one hell of a tennis player!

My only complaint about Rafa is that he needs to go on a diet or something. I mean, his body-fat content must be all the way up to 4 percent these days.

And speaking of guys in bad shape, the Cardinals can't even beat the Cubbies. When MVP voters cast their ballots in a couple of weeks, here's hoping they realize Albert Pujols has barely stayed above the Mendoza line in September as his team has lost game after game to NL dregs. Coffee, my friends, is for closers.

Finally, a word about that fine arbiter of good and evil, Jay Mariotti.

Seven counts are about to be filed against him in connection with last month's alleged beatdown of his girlfriend, including domestic violence, false imprisonment and grand theft.

Each count carries a maximum sentence of a year in jail, and I'm probably thinking the same thing Ozzie Guillen is thinking:

Jay would be quite popular among his fellow inmates.
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Today's High 5

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1. What do you suppose Jay Mariotti would have written had Ozzie Guillen been tossed in the pokey for allegedly roughing up a woman?

Well, you know it would start something like: "The White Sox have to fire The Blizzard of Oz, whose act has gone from vulgar and stupid to assault and battery. And if the gutless White Sox won't fire him, it's up to the Blizzard to do the honorable thing and resign."

OK, ESPN and AOL Fanhouse ... it's your move. Because one thing we know for sure: Mariotti won't do the honorable thing. There are decent people who do bad things, and then there simply are bad people. We're pretty sure on which side of the line Mariotti falls.

The thing about being Mr. High N. Mighty is that you don't get a lot of sympathy when you get accused of felonies.

Hmmm ... a felony? Hey, maybe it's all part of Jay's plan to be the next governor of Illinois.

Now wouldn't that be bleeping golden?

2. And speaking of wretched human beings ... Rod Blagojevich is so pathetic and delusional, I almost feel sorry for him.

Almost.

The man actually thinks being found guilty of a felony and facing re-trial on 23 other counts - for which he likely will be found guilty next time - is proof of his innocence.

3. Were my ears deceiving me, or was Hawk Harrelson really blaming the umpires for the White Sox losing 2 of 3 to the Royals?

Turns out, the White Sox were neither as bad as the team that showed up the first third of the season nor as good as the team that was playing .800 ball in the second third.

In the third third, we're seeing the truth: They're just another mediocre ballclub. One that apparently can't get enough separation from the K.C. Laughingstocks to make the umpires non-factors.

Just curious: Did the umpires also cost the Sox that series against the Twins? How about the series against the Orioles? Or the other series against the Twins? Or ...

4. Bravo to Lou Piniella for doing what he should have done last month when he announced he was retiring after the season. There was no reason for him to stay on for two more months of wretched baseball.

Tom Ricketts and Jim Hendry should have asked him to step aside back then. I'm glad Lou saw the light now, even if it was as much about his ailing mother as it was about his failing ballclub.

People often ask me, "Is so-and-so a good guy?" Or "Is so-and-so as big a jerk as he seems?" My answer usually is: "Well, I really only get to know so-and-so a little bit, so it's hard to say."

But I do feel I know Lou pretty well, and I do feel he is one of the good guys.

Lou's final postgame press conference was both poignant and classy. When I think back on it, I'll remember the tears streaming down his cheeks - not the fact that his last game was a 16-5 loss and the last play he oversaw as a big-league skipper was a double-play grounder off the bat of a guy who should be in Triple-A.

Enjoy your golden years, Lou. You deserve it.

5. I actually said my goodbye to Lou on Friday after he finished his pregame chat with us media mopes and did his radio show with Ron Santo. As he stepped onto the field to watch batting practice, I pulled him aside and told him it was my last game. (Little did I know, it was the start of his last series.)

I told him I was moving to North Carolina in a few days. I also told him I very much enjoyed writing about him and getting to know him these last four years. He told me he liked working with me, too. We exchanged a few pleasantries, had a nice handshake, wished each other good health and that was that. (I had a similar get-together with Ozzie at Sox Park the previous week.)

Later that day, Derrek Lee made his debut with the Braves and I had to write an extra story about that. Then, one strike away from a rare Cubbie win, Carlos Marmol blew the game in the ninth inning when, after walking the bases loaded, he served up a triple to Rick Ankiel. Which meant I had to rewrite my entire story, top to bottom, in about 5 minutes. I have a couple of minor projects to finish up, but that's how my final game-day went. Pretty wild.

About an hour later, I walked out of Wrigley Field, quite possibly for the last time in my life. Who knows? It might have been the last big-league ballgame ever for me. Really.

And if so, that's cool. I've had a hell of a ride ... and there's still plenty of tread on the tires for new adventures.

I'm extremely excited about whatever awaits me in Charlotte. It might include sports, but it might not. It might include writing, but it might not.

There's a whole wide world out there, folks, and I plan to experience it.
^

Not the best way to earn respect

^
Brandon Phillips acts a fool. A brawl ensues between his Reds and the Cardinals. Then the guy Phillips instigated, Yadier Molina, hits a homer ... and the Cards are rolling to another decisive win over Dusty's yet-to-prove-they're-real dudes from Cinci.

Meanwhile, on the South Side, Ozzie whines about his White Sox not getting enough respect. And then, after losing 3 of 4 in Baltimore, they go out and get waxed by the Twins to fall out of first place.

Who knew Tuesday was Just Desserts Day at the Red Lobster?

Hey, didn't the White Sox used to suck?

^

All right ... who stole the 2010 White Sox and replaced them with the '05 model?

I just spent three straight days at The Cell, and I have to admit that I came away incredibly impressed with the home team.

White Sox starters are pitching superbly - the reason I and others thought they'd contend in the first place. Ozzie's wizards also are coming up with timely hits, making plays in the field and simply doing things right. The Braves, the latest Sox sweepees, came into town as the hottest club in baseball - and the White Sox made them look bad.

As I wrapped up my story for AP on Thursday - READ IT - I realized I won't see the White Sox again until the last week of July. I am going out of town this weekend and will miss the Cubs series, and I'm working on other things during the only week they are home in the period immediately before and after the All-Star break.

They have cut a 9 1/2 game deficit to 2 1/2 in the blink of an eye, so it will be interesting to see where they stand the next time I step foot in The Cell.

During the bad times, Ozzie Guillen did exactly what a good manager must: keep his team believing and playing hard. Now it will be interesting to see how he and his lads handle prosperity.

Cubs and Sox play for none of the marbles

^

Lou verbally attacked Stoney ... Ozzie and Kenny feuded ... Ted and Gavin almost threw no-no-no-no's ... Pierre performed prestidigitation on the basepaths ... Silva sounded ready to sue for lack of support ... A.J. tormented Cubbieland again ... Wells said "thanks but no thanks" when offered a new pitching plan ... Buehrle turned back the clock ... The Blackhawks showed off Lord Stanley's hardware ... Lou sat Tyler 2 out of 3 games but vowed for about the 10th time to play the kid more ...

All in all, a typically loony Cubs-White Sox shebang.

And when it was all over, the Lovable Losers and the South Side Stiffs had almost identical records that accurately reflected their futility.

We should have expected no more from two disastrous teams playing for the BP Cup, right?

Windy City Winners (Mostly)

^

Quite a weekend for Chicago's intrepid sports squads:

Puck Pluck (& Luck)

Try as they might to give away Game 5 (and quite likely the series), the Blackhawks weren't able to get the Predators to accept their generosity. All Preds star Martin Erat had to do was freeze the puck behind the Hawks net for a few more seconds. But he got greedy and made the mistake of the series - and his blind pass actually sent the Blackhawks on their way to the tying goal. At that point, it was a given that the Blackhawks would win in OT, and now it's a given that they'll win the series. Yes, the Hawks were fortunate. But unlike the Predators, they were willing and able to accept a gift - and they deserve credit for that.

Blessed Bears

Every, single player the Bears really wanted was available every time it was their turn to draft. It's an effen miracle!

Cubbie Clubbing

A Cubs team that just got finished losing five of six to the 'Stros and Mets went into Miller Park and outscored the Brewers 25-4. Which tells us all we need to know about Brewers pitching. And reminds us what we already knew about the Pirates.

So Close To Smallball

Ozzie can keep talking all he wants about the style he wants his Mighty Whities to play ... and we all can laugh our asses off. If they hit homers, they win ... as usual. If they don't, they lose ... period. Against the Mariners, they hit homers - dramatic, late homers. I know those aren't quite as exciting as sacrifice bunts, Oz, but you'll have to live with them.

A Cavalier Attitude

Be honest: You were surprised the Bulls won even one.

BONUS QUOTE

"Clearly, after this game, he's moved into first place as the best player to come out of Marquette." - Doc Rivers on Dwyane Wade.

Really? Rivers apparently forgot all about my killer moves in intramural action when we were at MU together in the early '80s!

Just three more steps and I'm calling you for traveling!

^

The Bald Truth

Absolutely thrilled that the NBA and its referees have agreed on a new contract.

It will be nice to hear the players stop whining about the horrible replacement refs so they can get back to whining about the horrible regular refs.

The Balder Truth

With Ozzie Guillen set to do TV work during the World Series, word is that Fox will be using new technology they're calling "double-strength 7-second delay."

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Prediction time: The Vikings will lose in Pittsburgh and the Saints will fall in Miami, leaving only the Broncos and Colts with unbeaten records.

The Broncos have a bye this week. And the Colts have something even better than a bye - a practice game against the Rams.

I never did get that "new math"

^
The Bald Truth

With Braves skipper-for-life Bobby Cox finally planning to retire after next season, Ozzie Guillen hopes he can manage the White Sox for two decades or more. Ozzie, of course, didn't stop there, adding (as only Ozzie could have):

"Wish I be like three guys ... Tony, Torrez, Lou Piniella and Bobby Cox."

OK, first, he was referring to Tony La Russa and Joe Torre, in case you didn't get it.

Second, unless my abacus is on the fritz, I believe Ozzie might have miscounted just a little.

It's like Robert De Niro's Jack Walsh told Charles Grodin's Jonathan Mardukas in Midnight Run:

"Here come two words for you: Shut the f--- up!"

Again, is there any wonder why I ranked Guillen so high in yesterday's post about my 15 most memorable Chicago sports figures?

You knew I ranked him that high because you read every word of that long blog, right? I mean, it's not like you had anything better to do!

Oh wait, I'm the one who has nothing better to do. I always get us confused.

The Balder Truth

Not exactly sure what this means, but Jim Thome's name is still above his former locker in the corner of the White Sox clubhouse.

He's a great guy, one of the best, but come on! He didn't die.

Move on, boys.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Ozzie said "nothing positive" has come out of the White Sox season - not Gordon Beckham's meteoric rise, not Scott Podsednik's surprise comeback, nothing.

"If you don't make the playoffs, it's a wasted year."

By extension, that means Sox fans wasted every cent they spent on tickets. So naturally, Guillen and his players will rebate their salaries so Jerry Reinsdorf can give every ticket-buyer a full refund.

Managing to seem idiotic

^

The Bald Truth

Lou is No. 1! Ozzie is No. 2!  And apparently, if they were managers, then would come Kim Jong-il, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Satan.

According to a Sports Illustrated survey of 380 ballplayers, Lou Piniella was chosen as the worst guy to play for (26 percent), followed by Ozzie Guillen (21 percent).

"I take that as a compliment," Lou said.

I take it for what it is - silliness. 

Ever since Piniella became the Cubbie skipper, players from every corner of the baseball world - even Japan - have begged to join Lou's Lovable Losers. Maybe it's despite him, maybe it's not, but they sure have wanted to take the Cubs' money to be on Lou's crew.

What is supposed to be so bad about Piniella anyway? He's certainly not the kind of guy who constantly gets on his players. Yeah, he called Milton Bradley "a piece of (poo)" last week. And yeah, he has given up on Stevie Ire and a few other guys. 

Mostly, though, he has been a big-time enabler. He has threatened to make changes but hasn't done so; instead, he has taken to making excuses for his players and his team. 

Fact is, Piniella's biggest fault has been that he's become too little like the Lou who threatened to kick Rob Dibble's butt and too much of a 65-year-old teddy bear.

As for Ozzie, he'd be near the top of my list of manager's I'd most like to play for. I'd know that as long as I show up on time and play hard, he'd have my back. And even if I sucked, he'd say so much goofy stuff that the headlines would be about his outrageousness and not my suckiness.

Oh, and Joe Torre finished fourth in the survey. Not only is he one of the all-time good guys, but he's a four-time champion who hasn't missed the playoffs since Clinton's first term.

Yeah, who'd want to play for a bum like that?

The Balder Truth

Scuttlebutt says Larry Brown had so much fun coaching Allen Iverson in Philly that he's ready for one more go-'round with AI in Charlotte.

Which leads to these two all-important questions:

Practice? You talkin' 'bout practice?

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Boy, the rest of the National League sure will be in deep doo-doo as soon as The Great DeRosa actually gets a hit!

Ozzie tries to save baseball from itself

^

The Bald Truth

Just when I didn't think Ozzie Guillen could be any wackier, the White Sox skipper pulled off a stunt I never had seen before: 

He complained about a strike called by the umpire ... with his own pitcher on the mound.

Just minutes after Jermaine Dye was ejected for arguing a bases-loaded Strike 3 call Wednesday, Guillen could be seen jawing with ump Mike DiMuro. Reading Ozzie's lips, I thought I saw him complaining that Mark Buehrle's pitch to Cleveland's Jhonny Peralta was low - and Ozzie later confirmed it.

"I asked Peralta if that pitch was low and in, and he said yes," Guillen told reporters after his team's 4-0 loss. "They thought I was crazy because I wasn't protecting J.D., I was protecting the opposition. I was gonna send the message that ... I was here to protect baseball."

Actually, I think "crazy" just about covers it, Ozzie.

As usual.

The Balder Truth

Yahoo Sports is reporting that USC hoops coach Tim Floyd paid off the guy who delivered O.J. Mayo to the school.

If true, failing to adequately cover up these shenanigans will be Floyd's stupidest move since he had Kornel "The Hungarian Jordan" David playing at crunch time of Bulls games.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Here in Chicago, we've have the Unholy Trinity: A corrupt governor's office, a corrupt mayor's office and a corrupt county government. While everybody likes to talk about Blago and Hizzoner Daley The Younger, Cook County Board President Todd Stroger might be the unfairest of 'em all.

After running for election on a reform platform - don't they all? - Stroger has proceeded to spend like a drunk Illinois politician. Expanding the county government to immense proportions - think a Bartolo Colon-Roseanne Barr love child - he has spent and spent and spent and spent.

He spent so much that he realized the only way he could pay for all the spending was by raising the county's portion of the sales tax, giving Chicago the highest such tariff in the nation: a laughable-if-it-wasn't-so-sad 10.25 percent. 

With elections approaching, several county board commissioners regretted what they did and tried to repeal the tax, but Stroger vetoed the repeal. 

Mr. Reformer isn't in the reforming mood.

But that's not the best part. This is: Stronger owes the United States nearly $12,000 in unpaid income taxes.

So, even as he demands that poor people (and others) fund his bloated government with a regressive tax that ranks No. 1 in the nation, he opts to ignore his own taxes until the feds catch him.

Beautiful.

Talk about high aspirations: Stroger must be angling for a spot in President Obama's cabinet.

This is what we Chicagoans face every day, folks. Two consecutive crooked governors (both "reformers," don't you know), a mayor who values taking care of his cronies above all else and Todd "Tax Me? Tax You!" Stroger.

Of course, nobody is holding a gun to our heads to stay here, right? And the majority of our citizens keep re-electing these clowns. 

Fool us once, shame on you. Fool us a gajillion times ... and we'll line up for a gajillion more opportunities to prove what fools we are.

How humiliating.

Manny Being Flimflammy

^
The Bald Truth

Manny Ramirez suspended? I blame it all on A-Roid's cousin.

Ozzie Being Ozzie

"He should apologize to his wife. Seven million dollars? My wife would kill me."

The Balder Truth

You know the news on Ramirez news is big when it knocks the latest breathless Brett Favre update - he's staying retired ... for today, anyway - to after the first commercial on SportsCenter.

Ozzie Being Ozzie II

"It depends on how you look at the word 'cheating.' Cheating is when you get caught."

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Well, folks, I'm shocked - Shocked! - that a superstar slugger producing big numbers in what should be the twilight of his career tested positive for a banned substance.

Shocked! Stunned! Flabbergasted! Flummoxed!

I mean, who would have guessed that one of our noble, athletic heroes ever would cheat?

But hey, at last Manny had a valid excuse: His dog ate the list of banned substances.

Any sucker who believes any of these flimflam artists - or their flimflammier agents - deserves to feel betrayed when the truth comes out.

Of course, that assumes that any fan actually gives a rat's rear about any of this any more.

Frankly, I'm numb to it by now, and I'm guessing you are, too.