The Bald Truth
Manny Ramirez suspended? I blame it all on A-Roid's cousin.
Ozzie Being Ozzie
"He should apologize to his wife. Seven million dollars? My wife would kill me."
The Balder Truth
You know the news on Ramirez news is big when it knocks the latest breathless Brett Favre update - he's staying retired ... for today, anyway - to after the first commercial on SportsCenter.
Ozzie Being Ozzie II
"It depends on how you look at the word 'cheating.' Cheating is when you get caught."
THE BALDEST TRUTH
Well, folks, I'm shocked - Shocked! - that a superstar slugger producing big numbers in what should be the twilight of his career tested positive for a banned substance.
Shocked! Stunned! Flabbergasted! Flummoxed!
I mean, who would have guessed that one of our noble, athletic heroes ever would cheat?
But hey, at last Manny had a valid excuse: His dog ate the list of banned substances.
Any sucker who believes any of these flimflam artists - or their flimflammier agents - deserves to feel betrayed when the truth comes out.
Of course, that assumes that any fan actually gives a rat's rear about any of this any more.
Frankly, I'm numb to it by now, and I'm guessing you are, too.