The Bald Truth
Jake Peavy, who allegedly was so in love with the idea of pitching on Chicago's North Side that he was heard singing "Go Cubs Go" when he thought he was traded to the Cubbies in December, told the White Sox on Thursday that he had absolutely no interest in being a South Sider.
That's more than your standard, garden-variety rejection, boys. That's like getting told you're too ugly to date Roseanne Barr.
I mean the only way Thursday could have gone any worse for the White Sox would have been if ... I don't know ... they also lost at home to the hated Twinkies by a ridiculous score like 20-1 or something.
Thankfully, at least nothing like that happened.
As bad as the White Sox were against the Twins, they still scored only one fewer run Thursday than the Cubs scored in their entire series against the Cardinals.
Riddle Me This
Q: What do the following ballplayers have in common?
A: They all play for the Chicag Cubs: the team with absolutely no O.
Get it? No O!
You don't get that kind of hilarity at espn.com, kids.
THE BALDEST TRUTH
Really, can you blame Jake Peavy?
Why would he want to leave the most pitcher-friendly ballpark in baseball to go to the homer haven that is U.S. Comiskular Park?
Why would he want to leave the NL, where he gets to face the pitcher every third inning - not to mention the weak No. 7 and 8 batters on most teams - to pitch against stacked AL lineups that include designated hitters?
He already has all the money he needs. Plus, he knows that if he waits long enough, the crying-poor Padres will be forced to trade him to one of the NL clubs on his preferred list. He is in control.
So why would Peavy agree to join a team that suddenly looks like a non-contender this season, a team that will be be dumping payroll in the offseason?
The big surprise wasn't that Kenny Williams made a valiant effort at landing the best pitcher on the market. This is the guy who has boldly traded for one big-name pitcher after another during his nine years as Sox GM.
David Wells, Todd Ritchie, Billy Koch, Bartolo Colon, Freddy Garcia, Jose Contreras, Javier Vazquez.
Yes, some of those blockbusters ended up being clunkers. But two - the deals for Garcia and Contreras - made the city's only championship of the last nine decades possible.
Williams has vision and moxie and imagination. Oh, and cajones the size of cantaloupes.
No, the big surprise was that he actually thought Peavy would agree to the deal.
But hey, it was worth a try. As the lottery folks keep telling us, you can't win if you don't play.