Cubbies bring The Baldest One back

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Yeah, yeah ... it's been forever since I posted here. Hey, I've been busy as heck. Coaching basketball again (we begin defense of our conference title next week), umpiring several days a week, writing for actual money for Seeking Alpha, golfing again (still mediocre at best), losing sleep as Hillary loses her lead in the polls, etc., etc., etc.

All it took was the Cubbies to win the World Series to get me going again. So here are a baker's dozen observations about that every-108-years occurrence ...

1. The Cubs were the best team all season, and it really wasn't very close. They were built beautifully by Theo Epstein, from the front office and manager on down. Very balanced: pitching, hitting, fielding, the whole nine yards. Seemed to have a very good "team personality," too -- guys liked each other, picked each other up when necessary, etc. This should serve them well for many years.

2. Joe Maddon over-manages sometimes, did so quite often during the postseason and really had a pretty crappy Game 7. It reminded me of Tony La Russa's occasional inability to keep his hands off. But, like La Russa, I'll take Maddon every day of the week. It doesn't take a genius to do a double-switch. The most important part of managing is dealing with the egos, and Maddon is wonderful at that.

3. Those who love the Cubs but hate domestic abusers had the perfect scenario in Game 7. Aroldis Chapman sucked so badly he actually was reduced to tears, but the Cubs still won.

4. The Indians had a nice lineup but their bench ... pretty suspect. The best pinch-hitters Terry Francona could come up with were Yan Gomes and Michael Martinez, who, to be charitable, are really bad. Gomes had a particularly terrible at-bat when the Indians had Chapman on the ropes in the 8th inning.

5. As soon as Chapman retired the side 1-2-3 in the ninth, I knew the Cubs were going to win. They had the heart of their lineup coming up in the 10th, and the Indians' staff was gassed. Jason Hayward's speech and some divine force causing a rain delay ... it's fun to talk about stuff like that, but it came down to a tired, good-but-not-great pitcher going against some outstanding hitters.

6. Kyle Schwarber ... now THAT'S a great story. And how freakin' good is Kris Bryant? Yikes! I'll already say that he could retire as the best Cub ever.

7. As I said, I'm no Cubs fan. I really didn't care if they had won or lost. But as with the Cavs, it's nice to see something that never happens, happen. Also, Ben still lives in Chicago and is a huge Cubbie fan, and it's nice to hear my son be so happy.

8. It was an interesting series, and a great Game 7, reminding me of some faves from over the years. The best series I ever saw in person was Twins-Braves '91. That produced several amazing games, including the best meaningful game I ever saw in person - Game 7, the "Jack Morris Game." (I make the "meaningful" distinction because we've all seen a lot of great regular-season games in every sport; it's the great moments that happen when the stakes are the highest that we really remember.)

9. My first major sportswriting assignment was the 1982 ALCS (Brewers-Angels) and World Series (Brewers-Cardinals), so those have special personal meaning for to me.

10. The most incredible half-hour of sports that I have ever witnessed personally came in the 2003 NLCS, Game 6, 8th inning. Never had seen anything like it and almost surely never will again.

11. Otherwise, I've seen so many great World Series games on TV that it's hard to rank them. Certainly, the Carlton Fisk game in '75 was memorable. Diamondbacks over Yankees in 2001. So, so, so many others. Old-timers will say the "Mazeroski game" in 1960 - when Bill Mazeroski's 9th-inning homer gave the Pirates a huge upset victory over the Yankees - was the greatest ever. That actually took place the day I was born, Oct. 13, 1960, and I have a cool baseball card commemorating that game with the date highlighted.

12. If you're truly a long-suffering Cubbie fan who stuck by the Lovable Losers through thin and thinner, I'm happy for you. If you're one of the zillions of Cubbie-come-latelies who glommed onto this team this season ... meh.

13. Two years ago, if you had asked me if the Cubs could win the 2016 World Series, I would have responded:

"Yeah, sure. And Donald Trump can win the effen White House."

That's all for this edition of The Baldest Truth, folks. See you again in 2124!

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Today's High 5: NBA conspiracies, idiotic tweets and the baldest of eagles

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5. I am shocked -- shocked! -- that the Hornets, who have been owned and operated by the NBA this past year, won the Draft Lottery (and the right to select the only great player available).

And I am shocked -- shocked! -- that anybody would dare suggest a conspiracy or a conflict of interest.

4. It seems Albert Pujols isn't the next Mo Vaughn after all.

3. The Baldest Eagle has landed!

That's right: I carded my first-ever eagle on Thursday thanks to a boomer of a drive, a best-of-the-season 5-iron and a 2 1/2 foot putt. If I'd have choked on that putt, I never would have lived it down.

I saved my choke for the next hole, when I hit my 9-iron tee shot within 5 feet and then promptly 3-putted.

Eagle or no eagle ... I still golf like me, dammit!

2. Will any of us ever forget where we were Wednesday, when Kordell Stewart announced his retirement from pro football a mere 7 years after he last wore a uniform?

1. Has-been Wally Szczerbiak took to Twitter to rip ex-teammate Kevin Garnett for being a guy who "lacks the #clutchgene."

Yes, the famously clutch Szczerbiak ... owner of what, a dozen NBA titles? OK, not quite. But he was owner of a reputation as one of the NBA's most selfish players back in his day.

A day that has long since passed, by the way.

Wally Effin Szczerbiak ain't even the lint in KG's belly button. Put a hash-tag on that, loser.

Will Albert give St. Louis a hometown discount, meaning he'll only be able to buy one Maserati a month?

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There is only one month left in the baseball season. Is there also only one month left in Albert Pujols' Cardinals career?

I seriously doubt he'll end up with the 10-year, $300 million deal his agent supposedly wants. We already know he rejected an offer from St. Louis that was in the eight-year, $200 million neighborhood. (Nice neighborhood!) Pujols professes to love the Cardinals, the only team he has played for during his amazing 11-year career, but if the "hometown discount" he has in mind actually exceeds 25 mil a year, he just might have to find a new hometown.

The problem for Pujols -- if getting only $200 million can be called a problem -- is that his options are pretty limited. Not only are very few teams able to pay one player more than $25 million per year, but a younger (and less pricey) slugging first-base alternative, Prince Fielder, also will be on the open market.

So where might Pujols land? Let's look at some options.

CUBS

Remember how everybody was trying to make a big deal of that hug Albert shared with Jim Hendry? Well, Hendry has been banished from Cubbieland, so Albert obviously wouldn't be going there to get more lovin' from Big Jim. Stuck with several big contracts already (or stuck eating those contracts), would team chairman Tom Ricketts consider making a $275 million commitment to one ballplayer? Doubtful.

YANKEES & RED SOX

Sure, each always seems to be in the market for the best ballplayer available -- especially if each team learns that the other team wants that best ballplayer. But both already have huge money tied up in star first basemen. Would Pujols switch positions? At 32 (his age when next season starts), and with a gimpy arm, would you really want him at 3B or in the outfield? And would he want to be a DH after all those years in the NL? So unless the Yankees are going to trade Mark Teixeira or the Sox are going to deal Adrian Gonzalez, neither team figures to be serious players in the Albert Sweepstakes.

DODGERS & METS

These would have been true alternatives before both suffered serious financial problems. The Mets, especially, would love to steal the Yankees' thunder. They simply don't have the wherewithal right now to take the Pujols Plunge.

GIANTS

This one is intriguing. Would this pitching-rich, offense-challenged team take a run at a once-in-a-generation ballplayer who, if he remains healthy, could help them contend for the rest of the decade? I'd do it, but hey ... I've always been good at spending somebody else's money.

NATIONALS

They think they are on the cusp of greatness -- they do have lots of good, young players -- and they have been willing to spend money. They have some bad contracts, but Pujols certainly would help put fannies in the ballpark. The biggest question is: Would Albert want to start near the bottom after being with a team that contends most years? The Nats might have to blow away the competition, much as the Rangers did for A-Rod.

ORIOLES

Peter Angelos used to throw money around like crazy but after getting burned a zillion times, he's been reluctant. The O's have some nice talent and Angeles could be talked into thinking Pujols is the guy who'd let them challenge the Yankees and Red Sox. Angelos has quite the ego and also might enter the equation if he thinks the Nationals, just down the street, are serious. Again, though, even if the O's want Pujols, will Pujols want them?

PHILLIES

It's hard to believe I'm saying this about any team, but they really don't need Albert Pujols.

ANGELS

They desperately need a great hitter, but they are more likely to spend on medium-expensive ballplayers than on mega-contract guys.

RANGERS

Albert would love their ballpark, and he'd join a talented team that should contend for a decade. The owner who brought in a roided-up A-Rod is long gone, however, and new guy Nolan Ryan is going to have to pony up a lot of loot just to keep his team's core intact.

ROCKIES

Could they wave bye-bye to over-the-hill Todd Helton and bring in somebody who probably would use Coors Field to set the all-time HR record? They already have committed quite a sum to Tulo and Cargo ... so it's hard to imagine they'd bring in Pujo, who would make more than those two combined (and then some).

WHITE SOX

One often overlooks Jerry Reinsdorf in these things, but he has been willing to sneak in there and throw gajillions at great players. Lately, egged on by Ken Williams, Reinsdorf has been throwing gajillions at the likes of Alex Rios and Adam Dunn, so would he really be willing to spend so much more on one ballplayer? No way.

CONCLUSION

A few teams - maybe the Cubs, Orioles, Yankees, Red Sox, a couple others -- will put their big toes in the water before they decide the temperature is too hot.

The Nationals will make a serious run. If the Giants can find a taker for at least part of Barry Zito's remaining contract, they could be a factor.

In the end, though, it's impossible to believe that any team will want and need Pujols more than the Cardinals. And Pujols will realize he can be a St. Louis folk hero by settling for a mere $26 million annually over a nine-year contract.

What a country.
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Brain-dead Carlson bites Vick ... and other silliness

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The Bald Truth

When a person goes to jail, that should be it for him or her. No rehabilitation. No job. No loved ones. No home. No chance at a life once the sentence is served. No nothing.

At least that, apparently, is what Fox yahoo Tucker Carlson believes.

Angry that Barack Obama told Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie that ex-cons deserve the right to contribute to society, Carlson barked: "Michael Vick killed dogs, and he did (it) in a heartless and cruel way. I think personally he should have been executed for that."

Simply executed? Why not stoned to death in the village square?

For trying to imitate an insightful human being, Tucker Carlson should be sentenced to 20 years of having to watch Keith Olbermann on a continuous loop.

Indeed, a fate much worse than death.

The Balder Truth

Now that he has changed Sox, Bobby Jenks is saying Ozzie Guillen doesn't know how to manage a bullpen.

Hmmm. I seem to recall Ozzie running the White Sox bullpen quite well during the 2005 ALCS romp by letting his starters pitch four straight complete games.

Now shaddup, Bobby, and go eat another dozen doughnuts.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Once again, Rafael Palmeiro is saying he never took steroids. He is lobbying to get into the Hall of Fame. He has only a slightly better chance than fellow juicer Felix Heredia.

It's pretty sad when we're left having to believe Jose Canseco over everybody else in the whole juicing mess. Canseco insists he introduced both Palmeiro and Mark McGwire to steroids long ago - but not long before Palmeiro went from being slap-hitter to slugger.

Canseco is a scumbag, to be sure, but his 'roid-related accusations have been proven true over and over again.

McGwire spent most of two decades denying Canseco's claims -- and Big Mac had an army of apologists, led by Gen. Tony La Genius, marching right along with him into an ambush of humiliation.

I'm putting the over-under on Palmeiro's tearful confession at 12 years.
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This must mean Pujols is worth $80 million a year

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Ten million bucks for Carlos Pena?

Just think how much the Cubbies would have paid him if he had batted above the Mendoza line last season!
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How 'bout a Big Mac for Thanksgiving?

Thanksgiving is all about tradition, so I'm back with my 13th edition of Turkey of the Year.

This tradition dates back to 1998, when Michael McCaskey had so mismanaged the Bears that his mommy took the team presidency away from him and sent him to his room without supper.

Since then, a veritable Who's Who of losers, lunkheads, dopers, dorks, bullies and boors have earned Top Turkey honors: Jerry Krause (1999); Bobby Knight (2000); David Wells & Frank Thomas (2001); Dick Jauron (2002); Sammy Sosa (2003 and 2004); Andy MacPhail, Jim Hendry & Dusty Baker (2005); Aramis Ramirez (2006); Charlie Weis (2007); Choking Cubbies (2008); Milton Bradley (2009).

You'll notice that most of those fine folks had Chicago connections. Even Knight (Big Ten) and Weis (Notre Dame) were in the region. That's because I columnized and blogged mostly about Chicago sports during those years.

Now that I'm a man of the world (North Carolina is part of the world, right?), the 2010 Turkey Countdown has a much different look.

As always, I dedicate this tradition to my absent friend, Gene Seymour, my Copley columnist predecessor and one of the great guys I ever encountered in journalism.

So let's get to it ...

10. OMAR MINAYA. Architect of the most expensive losers in baseball. Hey, at least the Mets were champs of something during Minaya's run as General Mismanager!

9. BOBBY KNIGHT. Mr. I Hate The Media is now part of the media. And on this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful that most members of the sports media are better at their jobs than Bobby is at his. The man is so awful as an ESPN analyst that I find myself wishing Dickie V were on the telecast instead. Really.

8. BRETT FAVRE. Seems the only thing he can make up his mind about is being a sleazebag.

7. MLB UMPS. I get that they have a tough job and that it's almost unfair to judge them based upon super-slo-mo replays. But these guys are so routinely bad that it's almost surprising when they get big calls right. And unlike Jim Joyce, most umps take no responsibility for their incompetence.

6. PETE CARROLL and REGGIE BUSH. They teamed up to do what no opponent could: bring USC football to its knees. They didn't even stick around to deal with the carnage they wrought, having bolted for the big bucks of the NFL. Makes you want to tell Reggie what he can do with that trophy.

5. BEN ROETHLISBERGER. Big Ben ... Good QB ... Bad Guy.

4. BRUCE PEARL. Years after he ratted out a dirty Illinois program, we learn that he's been running an even dirtier program at Tennessee. Wearing ugly orange blazers isn't punishment enough for this phony jerk.

3. LeBRON JAMES. Put on one of the most unnecessary, self-serving productions in the history of the world. But at least his talents have helped the Heat to an 8-7 start.

2. TIGER WOODS. Marriage? Over. PGA Tour victories? Zip. Ryder Cup? Back in Europe. New endorsement deals? Nada. No. 1 ranking? Now belongs to Lee Westwood. Talk about a rough year for the guy who had been the world's dominant athlete for more than a decade. I guess only bad things happen when a guy can't control his Eldrick.

And now ... drumstick roll, please ... the 2010 Turkey of the Year:

MARK McGWIRE.

Big Mac finally admitted he spent years juicing - and spent years lying about it. But even his admission was full of misleading statements.

He claimed he only juiced so he could stay healthy enough to play but then said his juicing had nothing to do with his home-run totals. Uh ... hello? How do you get the HRs without staying on the field? It's hard to believe McGwire was too stupid to make the connection, so we'll just assume he was being his deceitful self.

He obviously came clean for only two reasons: One, to clear his conscience. And two, to get the job as Cardinals hitting coach for his Chief Enabler, Tony La Russa. McGwire then worked wonders with St. Louis batters, who finished in the middle of the pack in most categories. Remember: This is a group that includes the best hitter in baseball.

Redbird bats really slumbered down the stretch. And as McGwire's charges faded, the Cardinals handed Cincinnati the division title.

Sadly, Cardinals fans - who like to call themselves baseball's best - took every opportunity to cheer their beloved cheater, liar and fraud.

Turns out, they got exactly what they deserved in 2010.
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Nadel ... Nadal ... let's not quibble!

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An uncle can't be much prouder than I am of my nephew Rafa. The boy doesn't know how to spell the family name, but he's one hell of a tennis player!

My only complaint about Rafa is that he needs to go on a diet or something. I mean, his body-fat content must be all the way up to 4 percent these days.

And speaking of guys in bad shape, the Cardinals can't even beat the Cubbies. When MVP voters cast their ballots in a couple of weeks, here's hoping they realize Albert Pujols has barely stayed above the Mendoza line in September as his team has lost game after game to NL dregs. Coffee, my friends, is for closers.

Finally, a word about that fine arbiter of good and evil, Jay Mariotti.

Seven counts are about to be filed against him in connection with last month's alleged beatdown of his girlfriend, including domestic violence, false imprisonment and grand theft.

Each count carries a maximum sentence of a year in jail, and I'm probably thinking the same thing Ozzie Guillen is thinking:

Jay would be quite popular among his fellow inmates.
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Pujols will get chance to let deeds match words

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Got a kick out of Albert Pujols scolding Colby Rasmus after the kid outfielder said he wanted out of St. Louis. Guess that means Prince Albert will be loyal to St. Louis even if the Cardinals ultimately decide against committing 25 percent of their payroll to him.

Glad to hear that the Heisman folks are going to take Reggie Bush's trophy away. Meanwhile, O.J. Simpson will remain a proud Heismanite. Seems it's much worse to take payola from an agent than to kill two people in cold blood. (Allegedly, of course.)

Just heard that Richie Daley isn't running for reelection. Jeesh. If I knew that was coming, I would have stayed in Chicago and run for mayor.
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Moved to not want to move again soon

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You know how you forget how good or bad something is until you have to do it again? Well, that's how I am with moving ... and it's never good.

But hey, Roberta and I made it to Charlotte - even if all of our stuff didn't. We couldn't quite fit everything into the 24-foot truck we rented, so we had to make some executive decisions about some of our less desirable junk. Not until after we were hundreds of miles from Chicago did I realize that one of the items we left behind - an old TV stand - had all of our remote controls and some other valuable stuff taped into one of the drawers. My son had to go retrieve the remotes for us and ship them at a cost of nearly 50 bucks. What fun! A bargain at any price.

Otherwise, I survived my turn as truck driver, we got everything moved into either the apartment or a nearby storage facility and we're starting to get to know our new hometown. It's all good for this Connecticut Yankee in Krispy Kreme Land.

I even finally got my high-speed internet connected ... but only after spending 8 hours on the phone over a 3-day span with about 2 dozen different AT&T employees. The thieves then tried to charge me more than double what they had promised for the service. And at the end of it all, the supervisor actually asked me if I'd give them a "completely satisfied" grade when I get their online survey.

She might as well have asked if I would sprout a new head of hair.

Things have been so hectic that I've barely followed what's going on in the world, sports or otherwise. I haven't even picked up a golf club, believe it or not.

I did see that the White Sox got Manny, the Cardinals swiftly turned a 1-game lead over the Reds to a 7-game deficit and the Cubs won a series against the Pirates to all but clinch 5th place. Strike up the band.

Meanwhile, regarding things that actually matter, there was another oil catastrophe in the Gulf of Mexico, which no doubt somehow was Obama's fault. Or Milton Bradley's.

Anyway, I hope to get up to speed before the next time I post. Until then, here's hoping everybody has a great Labor Day weekend. I sure plan to ... even without the labor.
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So long, Chicago

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Well, folks, this is my last post as a Chicagoan. By the time I get around to my next edition of TBT (whenever that may be), I will be a Southerner.

Y'all.

As Roberta and I frantically finish our packing - and I get wrapped up in some heavy-duty worrying about my ability to handle the 24-foot truck I'll be driving to Charlotte - so many thoughts about my 16 years in Chicago are running through my mind ...

For example, I know I'll miss the views from my 17th-floor apartment.

From my living room to the south, I've got my favorite skyline in America. It's a beautiful day, and there's the Hancock. And there's the Sears (sorry, but the only Willis I ever cared about was Reed).

From my master bedroom to the east, I've got Lake Michigan. All that deep blue water, dotted with sailboats. I love this view when I need some tranquility.

From my dining room to the west, there's Wrigley Field, its light towers seeming so much a part of its very essence that it's hard to imagine they weren't even there less than a quarter-century ago.

Then there are the many people who have made my experience here so unique.

Characters such as Ozzie Guillen, Dennis Rodman, Jay Mariotti, Marty DeMerritt, Curtis Enis, Tony La Russa, Sammy Sosa, Cade McNown, Dusty Baker, Terry Bevington, Lovie Smith, Michael Barrett, Lou Piniella, Jerry Krause, Jeremy Roenick, Skip Bayless, Carlos Zambrano, Michael Jordan, Ron Artest, Frank Thomas, Chris Chelios, Bruce Weber, Eddy Curry, Joe Cain, Dave Wannstedt, David Terrell and so many more - I know I'm leaving dozens out.

That list of characters includes people I liked very much (Ozzie, Dusty, Barrett, Lou, Roenick, Weber), people who weren't exactly role models (Worm, Mariotti, Enis, Sammy, McNown, Cra-Z, M.J., Artest, Curry) and people representing every race, creed and color.

Chicago is a great sports town - certainly the best in which I've lived and/or worked - and I probably will miss that even more than I think I will.

As for my media colleagues ...

What can I say about the beat writers? I doubt newspaper and Web-site readers realize how hard these talented folks work. The Internet simply piles on additional duties to the work they already were doing. I have so much respect for people such as Paul Sullivan and Gordon Wittenmyer and Bruce Miles and Tim Sassone and K.C. Johnson and Brad Biggs and Joe Cowley and Mark Gonzalez and Scott Gregor and Chris Kuc and Brian Hamilton and Herb Gould and John Supinie and Paul Klee and Vaughn McClure and, well, I hope I didn't forget anybody I worked alongside these years. As I think about them, I really am in awe of the volume and quality of their work.

A special shoutout to the media mavens to whom I've grown especially close: Phil Arvia, Rick Gano, Gene Chamberlain, Rick Morrissey, Teddy Greenstein, Nick Hut, Seth Gruen, Mike Ramsey, Rick Telander, Mike Imrem, Mike Downey, Casey Laughman, Andy Seligman.

And of course, the late, great Gene Seymour; I'm always thinking of you, big guy.

Away from sports, I will miss all the close friends from so many different walks of life: Linda and Gary Mark; Darcia and Mike Brundidge; Laura and Tony Pellikan; Laura and Tony Garza; Kristi and Jim Johnson; Barb and Jeff Grunewald; and so on and so on.

Not to mention our son, Ben, who will continue to represent the Nadels here. He'll give Roberta and I a major reason to visit as often as schedules allow.

I also will miss being able to walk to work, but I won't miss the traffic when I have to drive. Will miss Millennium Park, won't miss the politics of Chicago (and Cook County and Illinois). Will miss all the great restaurants, won't miss the overpriced burger joints popping up on practically every corner. Will miss the farmer's market, won't miss trying to park the car in my crowded neighborhood. Will miss Bobtail ice cream, won't miss the sirens we hear, oh, every 10 minutes or so. Will miss taking long walks at the lakefront, won't miss the bumper-banging boneheads who "park by feel." Will miss taking advantage of the best downtown in all of the U.S.A., won't miss having to drive so darn far every time I want to play 18.

While my kids were born in Minneapolis, they were raised in Chicago. They spent their formative years in our little 3-bedroom, 1 1/2-bath house on Bell Ave. The backyard was so small that we gave up trying to have a real yard and just paved most of it to make a basketball court. There, Katie and Ben learned to become pretty darn good ballers, and the times I spent watching them play basketball in rec leagues, grade school and high school were among my favorite times as a parent. As I said, Ben is staying but Katie already has moved to Seattle. Still, if you ask her where she's from, she'll say Chicago. Both got great educations at public grade and high schools and both learned a lot about people in the melting pot that is the city.

While I was born in Connecticut, went to college in Milwaukee and became a full-time sportswriter in Minneapolis, it was in Chicago that I lived my journalism dream of being a major-metro sports columnist. I honestly believe that from 1998, when I joined the Copley newspaper family, until mid-2007, when the yahoos at GateHouse bought (and promptly started ruining) the Copley properties, I had the single best newspaper job in Chicago. I covered the Jordan Bulls, the champion Sox, the Bartman Cubs, the '06 Bears, the Deron-Dee Illini run to the Final Four, Sosa and McGwire, Tiger vs. Sergio and so many other amazing events, I have nothing but the very fondest memories.

Roberta ran in the Chicago Marathon, went back to school at a Chicago city college and got a job taking care of sick kids at Children's Memorial Hospital. We renewed our vows in Chicago on our 20th anniversary in front of family and friends.

Yes, the politics and the taxes and the parking tickets and the traffic started getting to me, especially the last couple of years. But for most of these last 16 years, I would tell anyone willing to listen how much I loved Chicago. And still do.

I could go on, but I've got to stop somewhere.

Thanks, Chicago. It's been a blast.
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Not the best way to earn respect

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Brandon Phillips acts a fool. A brawl ensues between his Reds and the Cardinals. Then the guy Phillips instigated, Yadier Molina, hits a homer ... and the Cards are rolling to another decisive win over Dusty's yet-to-prove-they're-real dudes from Cinci.

Meanwhile, on the South Side, Ozzie whines about his White Sox not getting enough respect. And then, after losing 3 of 4 in Baltimore, they go out and get waxed by the Twins to fall out of first place.

Who knew Tuesday was Just Desserts Day at the Red Lobster?

They call him Mr. NL Central

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Nicely done, Jim Edmonds.

Now who's next, Houston or Pittsburgh?

Interesting moves by Cards, Sox and Cubs

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The one person who shouldn't complain about the departure of Albert Pujols' longtime sidekick Ryan Ludwick is ... Albert Pujols. The main reason the Cardinals traded Ludwick for semi-OK pitcher Jake Westbrook is that they are trying to clear salary so they can give Pujols one of the richest contracts in baseball history.

The Cardinals needed more hitting, not less. Still, it wasn't the worst strategy to offset their low-scoring offense by acquiring another arm. Westbrook does have talent. A move to the NL - and to a staff overseen by Dave Duncan - could prove to be most fruitful.

That trade is easier to figure out than the White Sox dealing prospect Daniel Hudson for mediocre Edwin Jackson. I don't blame Kenny Williams for refusing to mortgage the future to go after a one-and-done slugger such as Adam Dunn, though.

As for the Cubs dealing Ted Lilly and Ryan Theriot to the Dodgers in a classic salary-dump move that brought Blake DeWitt in return ... that's fine as long as Tom Ricketts uses the money saved next offseason. DeWitt is a left-handed, 5-years-younger version of Theriot. And if the Cubs want to bring Lilly back next season, they'll be able to.

On a personal note, I liked Lilly and Theriot. Lose or lose, those two always were available to the media after games to take the heat when many of their teammates would run and hide.

Theriot and I used to live in the same neighborhood about a mile from Wrigley, and when I asked him just a couple months ago about the house he bought, he said: "Oh, we haven't bought. We're renting." Good decision, it turns out.

Lilly ... well ... I'll never forget the way he threw his glove after Arizona's Chris Young took him deep in Game 2 of the 2007 playoffs. Talk about one moment that captured the very essence of all things Cub - truly a Cubbie instant classic!

Oh, and good for new Yankee Kerry Wood, too. Paychecks aside, the guy has known mostly baseball heartbreak. Now he's on the best team in the world.

Poor Ron Santo

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As we drove home from Milwaukee on Sunday night, my wife and I listened to the end of the Cubs-Cardinals game. Ron Santo wanted the Cubs to win so badly - a win he felt would have gotten them right back in the race - I actually felt sorry for him.

If only the Cubs cared as much as Santo does, maybe they wouldn't be hopeless.

Then again, the loss was good for Ronnie because it kept him from building false hope about the Cubs' chances this season. Or this century.

Why is Lou still running Cubs?

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On July 22, 1978, during Lou Piniella's heyday as a ballplayer, his Yankees were 11 games behind the Red Sox. They had no chance. None.

Two days later, Billy Martin was forced out as manager, replaced by Bob Lemon. The Yankees ended up winning the division, the pennant and the World Series.

Going into this weekend's Cubs-Cardinals series, Lou's Cubbies trail the Cards by 11 games.

Do I think a managerial change would turn the '10 Cubs into the '78 Yankees? No, I do not. And yet ...

Instead of letting Lou play out the string as a lame-duck skipper, why not at least pretend you're still trying to win?

I should feel sorry for all the chumps who paid big bucks for tickets to games the last two months. But in Cubbieland, you get what you pay for.

13 sharp baseball observations

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During a Southwest Airlines flight to Seattle this week, my daughter Katie inadvertently brought a large pair of scissors in her carry-on bag. The fine TSA folks operating the x-ray gear didn't detect the sharp implement. Obviously, though, Katie isn't a terrorist. I mean, it's not as if she tried to sneak a 4-ounce bottle of shampoo on the plane!

While contemplating all of that, I'll fire off a baker's dozen thoughts about baseball at the break ...

1. Smart GMs of losing teams will do what Kenny Williams did last year (in acquiring Alex Rios) and add talented players for future seasons. It's one thing to throw away one bad season; why let it ruin an entire decade?

2. Aramis Ramirez, Faux Mr. Clutch, is at it again. Now that his Cubs are hopelessly out of the race - and with him having the right to opt out of his contract at season's end - he finally is hitting the way a cleanup hitter making monster money should. He did the same thing in 2006, getting hot just in time to get himself a huge new deal but not in time to keep Dusty Baker from getting fired.

3. It will be interesting to see which NL Central frontrunner, Cincinnati or St. Louis, will overcome major bullpen issues to take the division. Reds GM Walt Jocketty would love nothing more than to add a couple of the same quality arms the Cards no doubt want. Jocketty was great at making deadline deals before he was run out of St. Louis. Meanwhile, in the always-entertaining game within the games, it's Dusty vs. Tony - just as it was in '03 (with Dusty prevailing) and '04 (with Tony dominating).

4. The most overrated player in baseball in the season's first half: Joe Mauer in a landslide. The Twins can't afford to have their highest-paid player ever hit like Brian Harper.

5. If they can get reasonably healthy by mid-August and if they can hang close in the race, the Phillies will win the NL East again.

6. "This time it counts"? Yeah, but not in the ratings. Sorry, Bud, it's still an exhibition game. That's what happens when nearly 10 percent of the league's players are deemed All-Stars. It's pro sports. Everybody doesn't need to win a trophy.

7. The Padres authored the best story of the first half and I gotta admit that I'm rooting for them to hold on. It's pretty cool that even as management tries like hell to lose, the players just won't let it happen.

8. The Pirates should have to move out of PNC Park until they have a winning season. No team that bad should get to play in such a cool ballpark.

9. Ditto for the Orioles regarding Camden Yards.

10. Is it still Milton Bradley's fault that the Cubs suck?

11. Fear the Rockies.

12. Stephen Strasburg is the most-hyped 6-inning pitcher ever. Or at least since Greg Maddux returned to the Cubs in 2004. (And speaking of hyped, remember when Maddux was going to help teach Cra-Z Zambrano how to be more professional?)

13. Predicted playoff teams: Yankees, White Sox, Rangers, Rays (wild card), Phillies, Cardinals, Rockies, Dodgers (wild card). One more prediction: This is Lou Piniella's last season in Cubbieland but Jim Hendry will be around for one more try in 2011. For better or worse on both accounts.

Wake me when LeWhatsHisName chooses a team

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Today's high-5:

1. Just heard that LeBron to Chicago is "a done deal." Also, that LeBron is leaning toward joining D-Wade in Miami. And that LeBron is buying the Bobcats and will talk Michael into coming out of retirement. And that LeBron wants to play wide receiver for the Browns. And that LeBron is forming his own sports network, LeSpn. And that LeBron said he'd come to the Bulls only if Reinsdorf brings "that funny-looking Crumbs dude back." And that LeBron is so angry at the way the French soccer team behaved at the World Cup that he's changing his name to TheBron.

2. Elin is going to get $750M of Tiger's dough? Jeesh! That's three times as much as I had to pay Chicago in parking tickets last year!

3. I like the team Walt Jocketty built for Dusty Baker: fundamentally sound, nice power, a little speed, decent rotation, excellent blend of veterans and kids. Not sure if the Reds have quite enough in the bullpen to win the division this year, but it's not as if the NL Central is crammed full of great teams. Here's what I wrote Thursday for AP from the Cubs-Reds series opener: READ IT.

4. The only way the stock market can do any worse than it has lately is by losing a series to the Pirates.

5. Earlier this week, I got to play the Skokie Country Club, one of the true classics in the Chicago area. With its tricky, fast greens and grippy rough, it was a bear for us media-day hacks - and it will be quite a test from the tips for the Western Amateur field next month. A three-putt bogey on my final hole condemned me to a 100, a cruel ending to three straight days of mostly fun golf in three different states - Minnesota, Wisconsin and Illinois. Oy, am I a glutton for punishment ... one shank at a time.

Minny's ballpark pleases, Joe Mauer teases

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Very impressed with Target Field. Less impressed with Joe Millionaire.

Almost 16 years after I wrapped up my career as Minnesota's AP sports guy, I made my first visit to the Twins' new ballpark. My impression - and this is the ultimate compliment - it looks and feels like a ballpark. (It's not Target Field's fault that the fans do the wave.)

It isn't as busy and/or kitchy as the ballparks in Cincinnati, Texas, San Francisco, Houston, Arizona and Detroit are. It doesn't have stacks of luxury suites, as Cleveland's does. It is far more intimate than both New York ballparks, as well as those in St. Louis, Philly, Washington, Milwaukee, Seattle, Colorado and Toronto. It has a beautiful view of downtown, unlike the poorly aligned park on the South Side.

Target Field is on the short list of best newer big-league ballparks, right there with San Diego's and a tick behind the modern miracles in Baltimore and Pittsburgh.

Now if only Carl Pohlad had put a retractable dome on the place for those frigid days to come instead of insisting upon being buried with his billions.

As for Joe Mauer ...

Obviously, the man is talented. Handsome, trustworthy, loyal and a great dancer, too.

But shouldn't a $184 million ballplayer have more than warning-track power? I mean, did the Twins know they had the catcher version of Mark Grace when they gave him that deal?

Yes, Mauer is batting .300. It's a soft, soft, squeezably soft .300. It's the Charmin of .300 averages.

He came up in the first inning Monday with runners on the corners and nobody out and hit a sacrifice fly. Hey, that's OK. An RBI is an RBI.

Nearly midway through the season, it was RBI No. 34 for Joe Millionaire.

He also has 3 homers. And a .430 slugging percentage.

Toronto catcher John Buck: 13 HR, 40 RBI, .530 SLUG. All in nearly 50 fewer at-bats.

So step it up, Joe. Or Pohlad will reach out of his grave and yank back $182 million of that moolah.

And even rarer than a new ballpark opening ...

I got to see Jim Thome hit a triple. First one in six years for the Pride of Peoria. He also homered - No. 571 on his career - and drove in a pair.

The man can still hit and still has value, so why retire? The Hall will have to wait.

The Quote

The Minneapolis Star Tribune has been looking back at memorable moments in Twins history, and Monday's featured the 1984 late-season meltdown in Cleveland. The young Twinkies, surprising contenders in the AL West, led the Indians 10-0 but went on to lose 11-10 and were eliminated from the race. On one key play, third baseman Gary Gaetti fielded a grounder but misfired to first base.

Asked afterward about the play, Gaetti delivered one of the 5 greatest quotes in sports history:

"It's hard to throw when you have both hands around your neck."

Cubs reek, both night and day

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My buddy Gordon Wittenmyer, the fine Sun-Times reporter who covers the Cubs, wrote an excellent piece on the difficulty of managing the hopeless North Side sacks: READ IT.

As always, there were references to day baseball at Wrigley Field as a possible culprit to the franchise's 102 years of futility. (Not blasting Gordon here; he was just listing all the usual suspects.)

Maybe in yesteryear, day baseball was a valid excuse. Day game after day game after day game in the heat of July and August wearing out the lads and creating too much of a grind.

OK. Possible.

(Never mind that the Cubs usually were out of the race each year before summer began. Maybe the mere threat of hot days to come made them wilt in advance.)

But in the post-lights-at-Wrigley era, and especially the new millennium? Please. The Cubs play plenty of home night games.

Last season, they played 77 total day games (home and road). The Twins played 60, the Cardinals 58, the Yankees 56.

Trust me: Those few extra day games weren't what made Milton Bradley implode, what turned Carlos Zambrano into Cra-Z, what made Kosuke Fukudome do his spin-a-rama whiffs and what made Jim Hendry try to justify his signing of Aaron Miles.

Like every other team in the majors, the Cubs never have to play a road night game and then travel to play a home day game. Their schedule simply isn't much of a grind ... not because of day baseball, anyway.

If anything, day baseball at Wrigley should be a major advantage for the home team. Theoretically, the Cubs know how to play tough sun fields, are experts at dealing with wind patterns and otherwise are accustomed to the uniqueness that is day baseball at Wrigley.

Theoretically.

Who's more wrong, The Ump or The Genius?

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Bud Selig's decision to let Jim Joyce's call stand - thereby denying Armando Galarraga a perfect game - was the no-brainer of the millennium.

The commissioner simply can't be changing umpiring decisions 12, 18, 24 hours after they happen.

I mean, even a manager who often insists upon batting his pitcher eighth knows that, right?

"If I was Mr. Selig," Tony La Russa says, "in the best interest of the game, the guy got it and I'd give him his perfect game."

Ugh. Never mind.