Oct. 13: Birthday Of The Stars (and a certain bald schlub)

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An early Happy Birthday wish to my former Marquette classmate Glenn Rivers (now universally known as Doc), who was born Oct. 13, 1961, exactly one year after I was.

And while I'm at it, early Happy Birthday wishes to ...

Jerry Rice, the greatest receiver ever to lace 'em up.

Marie Osmond (even though, unlike her, I'm a lotta bit rock 'n' roll).

Paul Simon, who still can get me feelin' groovy.

Dark comedian Lenny Bruce (RIP)

Sacha Baron Cohen, who no doubt will celebrate by making sexy time.

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, who hasn't won a lick since naming himself GM.

Clutch hoopster Paul Pierce (and far-less-clutch hoopster Jermaine O'Neal).

Nancy Kerrigan, one of sport's all-time victims.

Kelly Preston, Jerry Maguire's squeeze.

Kate Walsh. Is there any TV show she hasn't been mediocre in?

Sammy Hagar -- The Red Rocker.

Margaret Thatcher -- The Iron Lady. (RIP)

Ari Fleischer, who as Dubya's press secretary had the dubious assignment of making his boss sound intelligible.

"Foolish" songstress Ashanti.

Trevor Hoffman, who saved 601 games even though his fastball could be measured by a sundial.

Wow ... what a great list of October 13 birthdays!

And while I'm at it, an early Happy Birthday To Me!

For yours truly, it's double-nickels -- a term I'll always associate with Michael Jordan's 55-point performance at Madison Square Garden shortly after his first un-retirement in 1995.

Jeesh ... was that really 20 years ago? How time flies when you share a birth date with Ari Fleischer!

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And in other less-important news ...

++ Of course Chase Utley's slide was dirty. The rent-a-Dodger was practically past second base when he wiped out Ruben Tejada, breaking the Mets shortstop's leg. Kudos to MLB executive Joe Torre for suspending Utley. It's worth noting that Torre, who has as much integrity as any man in baseball, used to manage the Dodgers.

++ "These things are scripted, I guess, and I wasn't in the script this time." -- Anirban Lahiri, International team golfer, after he missed a short putt to lose to Chris Kirk and cost his team a tie in the Presidents Cup. Hey man, if you want to believe God chose Kirk instead of you and the Americans instead of your team as a rationale for your choke job, go for it.

++ I keep thinking the Seahawks are going to start dominating games again, but they keep avoiding doing so. I hope they delay it at least another week, as they face my Panthers next Sunday.

++ Oh, and one more early birthday shout-out to Phil Arvia, my good buddy and fellow former Chicago sports columnist. Phil has traded in his laptop for a bass guitar, and he's just more proof that there's life after the newspaper biz. I am still waiting for him to invite me on stage to sing, though. You haven't rocked or rolled until you've heard my rendition of Del Shannon's "Runaway"!

As Blackhawks bring Chicago another title, Boston is a double loser

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I'd have really been impressed with the Blackhawks if they had won the Stanley Cup while skating on a two-inch wire stretched between the Hancock and Willis towers.

But you know ... scoring twice late in whatever the Boston arena is called these days will have to do.

With titles in 2010 and now 2013, the Blackhawks are undisputed kings of the Chicago sports scene.

That's right ... ranked even ahead of DePaul basketball!

Seriously, it was a heck of a lot of fun watching Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews and Corey Crawford and Patrick Sharp and Duncan Keith and all of the fine supporting players this postseason -- a postseason that almost didn't happen because the season almost didn't happen because a collective bargaining agreement almost didn't happen.

Good thing the NHL solved that mess, because, if you haven't noticed, Chicago doesn't produce many championship teams these millennia.

Selfishly, I was hoping the Bruins would hang on to win just because I wanted to see a Game 7. Not only for the riveting hockey but for the incredible announcing of NBC's Mike Emrick.

Still, for all the Blackhawk backers I know -- including Ben and Katie, the fair-weather Hawkey fans I sired -- I'm glad the team in the Indian head "sweaters" won the Cup.

And to think: The Hawks have won two more titles in the first four years of this decade than the Cubs have won in the last 10 decades combined!

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Rough week for Boston sports fans, who also lost their basketball coach to the Clippers.

Yes, the coach of the Celtics left for a better situation with the freakin' Clippers! If this isn't a sign the world is coming to an end, I don't know what is.

Doc Rivers, the guy I knew as "Glenn" when we were taking classes together at Marquette, decided he wanted to leave the sinking Celtic ship to take a stab at leading the young Clippers to prominence.

The Celtics landed a first-round draft pick in the deal, but I can't help but think they got the short end of it. Rivers is that good.

A couple of interesting tidbits here:

-- For the second time, Vinny Del Negro coached just well enough to be sent packing for being not quite good enough. The first time, he was dumped by the Bulls, who hired Rivers' top assistant in Boston, Tom Thibodeau. I guess it takes a Celtic to clean up after Vinny.

-- Though it hasn't happened often, this wasn't the first time a team has traded for an NBA coach. Thirty years ago, the Bulls did it, acquiring Kevin Loughery from Atlanta for a 1983 second-round pick that the Hawks used to draft ... wait for it ... Glenn "Doc" Rivers! Pretty cool, huh?
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Profile in courage: NBA's Jason Collins says: "I'm gay"

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The word "courage" is thrown around often in sports.

A hockey player who competes when injured is displaying courage.

A point guard who speaks out to demand excellence from his teammates is showing courage.

A wide receiver who blocks a defensive lineman is being courageous.

A batter who "takes one for the team" is showing courage.

Why, there are some who actually call golfers "courageous" for attempting difficult shots.

You want courageous? Jason Collins is courageous.

Collins, a 34-year-old, 12-year NBA veteran who was a backup center for the Wizards and Celtics last season, became the first male athlete in one of the four major North American sports to come out of the closet.

He told Sports Illustrated: "I'm glad I'm coming out in 2013 rather than 2003. The climate has shifted; public opinion has shifted. And yet we still have so much farther to go."

I have said for years that one of the last bastions of permissible discrimination takes place in the locker rooms of major sports teams. There is so much homophobic behavior, so much ignorance and intolerance on this issue, it would take tremendous courage to tell the world you no longer want to pretend to be something you're not.

Congratulations to Jason Collins.

He is a free agent and wants to keep playing. He's never been the most talented offensive player but he used to be considered a tough defender who was at his best against stars such as Dwight Howard and Shaquille O'Neal. He was good enough last season to start nine games.

It will be interesting to see if an NBA owner has the courage to sign him.
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Today's High 5: NBA conspiracies, idiotic tweets and the baldest of eagles

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5. I am shocked -- shocked! -- that the Hornets, who have been owned and operated by the NBA this past year, won the Draft Lottery (and the right to select the only great player available).

And I am shocked -- shocked! -- that anybody would dare suggest a conspiracy or a conflict of interest.

4. It seems Albert Pujols isn't the next Mo Vaughn after all.

3. The Baldest Eagle has landed!

That's right: I carded my first-ever eagle on Thursday thanks to a boomer of a drive, a best-of-the-season 5-iron and a 2 1/2 foot putt. If I'd have choked on that putt, I never would have lived it down.

I saved my choke for the next hole, when I hit my 9-iron tee shot within 5 feet and then promptly 3-putted.

Eagle or no eagle ... I still golf like me, dammit!

2. Will any of us ever forget where we were Wednesday, when Kordell Stewart announced his retirement from pro football a mere 7 years after he last wore a uniform?

1. Has-been Wally Szczerbiak took to Twitter to rip ex-teammate Kevin Garnett for being a guy who "lacks the #clutchgene."

Yes, the famously clutch Szczerbiak ... owner of what, a dozen NBA titles? OK, not quite. But he was owner of a reputation as one of the NBA's most selfish players back in his day.

A day that has long since passed, by the way.

Wally Effin Szczerbiak ain't even the lint in KG's belly button. Put a hash-tag on that, loser.

No Rose: A fact ... and a lame excuse

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Long-time readers -- all 9 of you -- know that I abhor injury-related excuses. Shaddup, line up and play; that's why you get the big bucks. 

Having said that, I do make exceptions because there are excuses ... and then there are facts. When a team loses a Tom Brady, a Justin Morneau or, yes, a Derrick Rose, it is a fact that the team simply cannot function anywhere near as well as it did when it had its MVP-caliber superstar.

The moment I learned Rose blew out his knee, I knew the Bulls no longer could win the NBA title.

What I didn't know was that Rose's teammates were going to fail to come out of the locker room at halftime of Tuesday's playoff game. The Bulls somehow managed to get outscored 36-14 in the third quarter by a mediocre 76ers team, and they went on to get humiliated at home.

Where was Luol Deng, an All-Star? Where was Carlos Boozer, the big-money forward? Where was Rip Hamilton, the supposed final piece to the puzzle? I'm not going to blame C.J. Watson and John Lucas III -- Rose's point-guard replacements; there's a reason they are career backups. I'm blaming Deng, Boozer and Hamilton for not showing up. And I'm blaming Tom Thibodeau for not having his team ready to play.

Yes, losing Rose was a horrible break for a team seemingly poised to win it all. Still, on the same night Deng & Co. spit the bit against the Sixers, the Celtics managed to win despite playing without suspended point guard Rajon Rondo (a top-five MVP candidate this season) and injured 2-guard Ray Allen (one of the great shooters in basketball history). Playing at Atlanta against a Hawks team that is decidedly better than Philly, the Celtics prevailed because Paul Pierce put his team on his back and carried it to victory.

Pierce, apparently, didn't get the memo about choking because the star point guard wasn't playing.

The Celtics could have used the absence of Rondo and Allen as an excuse. Had they lost, nobody would have been surprised. Instead, Pierce played wonderfully and got lots of support from his teammates. Instead, they won.

Unlike the Bulls.
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A damn shame: Rose finished, and so are Bulls

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Derrick Rose planted his left foot and "heard something pop."That something was the Bulls' title chances.

I'm neither a Bulls fan nor a Bulls hater, but I hate this. I hate that Rose's season had to end this way. And I hate that a Bulls team that was good enough to win it all now has little hope to do so.

Like life itself, sports ain't fair.

Ask the Carolina Tar Heels, who lost their point guard just as they were starting to look like a championship team. Ask Peyton Manning's Colts, who learned this past season about the fragile line between being a title contender and a laughingstock. Ask any team that thought it had a legitimate chance at a special season only to see it blown apart by an injury to a star player.

And Rose wasn't just another star. In a league of great point guards, he was the best last season. Hell, he was the best player at any position, easily winning the MVP. This season, the Bulls built a team around him that was ready to go for the gold. Even though he had to miss a couple dozen games nursing a variety of injuries, I thought the Bulls would be OK because, unlike many players during this compressed season, he would be relatively fresh for the playoffs.

With 23 points, 9 rebounds and 9 assists, Rose looked plenty fresh (albeit a little rusty) in Saturday's dismantling of the 76ers. But with less than a minute and a half to go, his knee gave out. Torn ACL. Season over.

The Bulls did amazingly well when playing without Rose this season, but let's be real. There's a reason C.J. Watson and John Lucas III have been backups their entire careers. 

After beating the Sixers, the Bulls will have a difficult time in the next round against either the Celtics or Hawks. And if they somehow survive that series, their luck surely will run out against the Heat in the Eastern finals.

And that's a damn shame.

With Derrick Rose, the Bulls were good enough to send LeBron and D-Wade packing.

Without him, they're just another team destined to end its season with a question that starts with the words "What" and "if."

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Today's High 5 - NBA Finals edition

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5. LeBron haters, led by classless Cavs owner Dan Gilbert, are in heaven. The Evil One not only lost in the NBA Finals but looked pretty feeble in doing so.

Only a pathetic loser wastes so much time and energy hating an athlete for merely making a basketball decision.

4. At the same time, I have little sympathy for LeBron, whom some have painted as a pitiable victim. He faced an unfair amount of scrutiny, his apologists claim.

Please. He couldn't have handled his exit from Cleveland more poorly. He made his choice. He gets to live with the consequences.

Bottom line: In the most important games of his career, when he had a chance to make the haters eat crow, he pissed down his leg.

3. My fellow Marquetter Dwyane Wade did his best to carry LeBron during the Finals but he, too, cracked under pressure. At least he's already got his ring.

2. In a move even bolder than the '85 Bears doing the Super Bowl Shuffle at midseason, Mavs guard Jason Terry got a tattoo of the NBA championship trophy. After some early-series struggles, he played huge in the final two games and earned the right to keep his ink.

Terry, Jason Kidd, Shawn Marion and several other Dallas veterans showed how hard work, stick-to-itiveness and teamwork can yield incredible results.

Those were good stories for the victors, and yet I was more interested in the one authored by Tyson Chandler. Practically run out of Chicago by a Bulls management team that thought he lacked heart, the Mavs center got one important offensive rebound after another.

Who'd have thought he'd be the first post-Jordan Bulls draft pick to win an NBA title?

1. Larry Bird averaged 24 points, 10 rebounds and 6 assists during his amazing career, rescued a Celtics franchise that had lost its way and led Boston to three titles -- including one in just his second season.

There isn't a soul who would compare Dirk Nowitzki to Bird if both men weren't white. Nowitzki is no Larry Bird.

That being said, it was nice to see Dirk win his first title and play so well in taking the Mavs to their first ever championship.

His fourth-quarter offensive performances throughout the playoffs helped erase the bitter memory of his 2006 choke job in the Finals. It must have been a huge weight off his shoulders.

This time, he completely took charge -- just as Bird and Jordan and Magic did in their day. And just as LeBron couldn't do for the Heat.
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Thankfully, I avoided stepping on Shaq's toe

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In what seems a lifetime ago, I covered the 1993 NBA All-Star Game in Salt Lake City for AP. Looking back, two things stand out:

1. A few other sportswriters and I went out for lunch the day of the game. It started snowing lightly as we got out of the cab and entered the restaurant. About an hour later, there had to have been a foot and a half of snow on the ground. It was the biggest, fastest blizzard I ever had seen. And that's saying something, because I lived in Minnesota for almost 10 years.

2. My game assignment was to write about Shaquille O'Neal, the NBA's rookie sensation. I can't remember what I wrote, but I do remember getting into the locker room as quickly as possible after the game and planting myself next to Shaq's locker. Even back then, he was a notorious quiet-talker, so I knew the microphone on my tape recorder wouldn't pick up a thing he said if I didn't stand thisclose. He came out of the shower and sat down on his chair, and his huge left foot literally was an inch from my right shoe. I was barely listening to what he said because all I kept thinking was, "Mike, you clod, don't step on one of this guy's toes!"

Shaq was neither the best center I ever covered (that would have been Kareem Abdul-Jabbar) nor the largest human I ever saw (the Jazz had a center named Mark Eaton, whose head was roughly the size of a Yugo). But he was close in both categories.

The super-athletic O'Neal was the fourth-best center in basketball history, behind only Kareem, Bill Russell and Wilt Chamberlain. I used to get a kick out of when his critics would say, "All he can do is dunk." To which I'd respond: "Yeah, 15 or 20 times a game."

His biggest failing was his horrific free-throw shooting. He used to claim he made them all the time in practice. That cracked me up, because it meant he was admitting he was a choker who couldn't handle game pressure. In reality, Shaq was a damn good big-game performer. Still, he needed a great facilitator -- Kobe Bryant in L.A., Dwyane Wade in Miami -- to win his titles.

One thing for sure: Shaq was a wonderful character who marketed himself brilliantly and turned himself into an international brand. Sure, his movies sucked. But he made seven more of them -- and got paid handsomely for seven more of them -- than you or I did.

Sports needs more characters not fewer. Shaquille O'Neal will be missed.
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Jimmer's not even a nose hair on basketball's Mount Rushmore

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Of all the silly things uttered by coach-turned-yakkers during the NCAA tournament's opening weekend, the silliest had to be St. Joseph's Phil Martelli saying Jimmer Fredette might be having the greatest season ever by a college basketball player.

Talk about a man-crush.

Greatest season ever? Helllloooo! Pick any of Oscar Robertson's seasons. Or Pete Maravich's.

How about Lew Alcindor? David Thompson? Bill Russell?

You want more recent? Is anything The Jimmer doing better than what Kevin Durant did as a Texas freshman in 2006-7? Or what Adam Morrison did at Gonzaga a year earlier?

OK, maybe Martelli meant that, given the relative lack of talent at BYU, Fredette might be the most important player to his team.

If that's what Martelli meant ... he's still delusional.

I mean, Larry Bird carried -- and I mean CARRIED -- Indiana State within an eyelash of the 1979 national title. Bill Bradley was a one-man show for Princeton's 1965 Final Four team. Jerry West and Magic Johnson had some pretty fair seasons for some OK teams, too.

Oh, and all Wilt Chamberlain did in his two years at Kansas was average about 30 points and 20 rebounds ... but I guess he was no Jimmer.

And those are just off the top of my chrome dome. If I felt like doing research, I'd probably come up with a dozen or two more.

Isn't it enough to say that The Jimmer probably is this year's top player, not to mention a guy who is darn fun to watch?

Isn't The Jimmer hyped enough without Phil Martelli suggesting he belongs on some kind of college hoops Mount Rushmore?

I'd like to give Martelli a pass and call him a smart guy who simply got swept up in Jimmer Fever.

Or I could take a page from Martelli's book and say that might have been the stupidest comment in television history.
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At least Vinny kept Thibodeau's Bulls seat warm

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Bulls 106, Clippers 88. Or, to put it in different (but equally accurate) terms:

The Coach The Bulls Should Have Hired Three Years Ago 106, The Coach The Bulls Never Should Have Settled For Three Years Ago 88.

Three questions:

Did the Bulls really have to endure two years of mediocrity under Vinny Del Negro to get to Tom Thibodeau -- the then-Celtics assistant I urged them to hire back in 2008?

Given that the Bulls are 34-14 despite playing huge chunks of the season without Joakim Noah and Carlos Boozer, shouldn't Thibodeau be the frontrunner for coach of the year?

A year or two from now, when the Clippers realize they have too much young talent to be laboring under Vinny Del Excuse, who will be their next coach?
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Kobe to Ubaldo and everything in between

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Of course, Kobe Bryant isn't the player Michael Jordan was, but maybe now we can say Kobe is 5/6ths Michael's greatness level, right?

Phil Jackson = Best Coach Ever (regardless of sport). If anybody has some kind of objective measurement to prove otherwise, I'm all ears.

Ray Allen choked. If only he had asked: "What Would Jesus (Shuttlesworth) Do?"

Great run by a great guy, my old Marquette compadre Doc Rivers.

Life isn't fair. How else to explaim a knucklehead like Ron Artest winning a championship in his one L.A. season but Karl Malone failing to do so?

Now that the NBA has gotten its annoying championship series out of the way, the official Kiss LeBron's Rump season can start in earnest.

Meanwhile, at the U.S. Open ...

Methinks it's time for Ryo Ishikawa to give that outfit back to the retired Florida grandma he stole it from.

I'd really like to play Pebble Beach someday. I just want somebody else to pay for my round. And for the two dozen Pro-V1s I'd lose. Is that asking too much?

While many golfers wore short sleeves for Round 1, Tiger Woods donned a long-sleeved fleece. Not that I'm calling any man who has been known to have sex 10 times a day with 10 different women a wimp or anything.

Other stuff:

Saying there is no need for four or more preseason games per team, the NFL finally is admitting it has been fleecing fans for decades.

The White Sox swept the Pirates! For the Cubbies' benefit, I repeat: The White Sox swept the Pirates!

I thought I was watching the World Cup, but the game on my TV actually had a score that wasn't 1-0 or 0-0, so I now realize it must have been something else.

I wouldn't have believed that Kosuke Fukudome led the Cubs to victory if I hadn't witnessed it for myself. (READ THE STORY I WROTE FOR AP.)

Both the coolest first name in sports and the most talent at his position. I mean, how lucky is Ubaldo Jimenez?

How 'bout that? Bulls actually hire legit coach

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As I wrote two years ago - the last time the Bulls had a coaching search - they waited so long that they might as well have held off a little longer to hire Tom Thibodeau, the best assistant available. Instead, they hired Vinny Del Snooze and then gave him no chance to succeed.

Well, the Bulls got it right this time.

I got to know Thibodeau two decades ago when he was a young assistant for the expansion Timberwolves under Bill Musselman. Even back then, he was prepared and hard-working and had a nice feel for the nuances of the game. He has served under several top coaches since then and has been an instrumental asset for Celtics coach Doc Rivers these last few years.

As they prepared to fire Del Negro, Bulls honchos intimated that they wanted their next coach to have significant NBA head-coaching experience. It's good that they changed their minds. Why limit the pool? Just because Vinny had never coached so much as fourth-grade girls basketball, it didn't mean they had to go to the opposite extreme and exhume Red Auerbach's body.

I mean, Phil Jackson had been "only" an assistant before he became the Bulls' coach, and that turned out pretty well.

It took the Bullish braintrust a ridiculous amount of time - 2 freakin' years - to find their man, but find him they did.

I guess the saying is right: Even a blind squirrel occasionally finds a nut.

Of Blackhawks, Pujols, Marquette memories and Cubbie angst

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Took a break for a bit. It was tough to sacrifice the huge paycheck I usually get for my work here at TBT, but that's the kind of guy I am.

Anyway, a few random thoughts ...

+++ As impressive as the Blackhawks have been - which is plenty damn impressive - it's still too early to assume they'll beat the Flyers and win their first Stanley Cup in the Color TV Era. Many, many, many times throughout history, a team has gone up 2-0 only to lose a series. In fact, the Hull-Mikita-Tony O-Martin-Pappin-Stapleton Blackhawks of 1971 did just that. So I'd advise Blackhawks fans - both longtime loyalists and Pucky-come-latelies - to enjoy every moment, cheer on the lads and keep their playoff beards growing.

+++ Nice to see Mark McGwire fix Albert Pujols because, you know, Pujols was nothing before Big Mac saved his career.

+++ Ubaldo Jimenez = Bob Gibson. Except Jimenez is dominating from a regular-height mound in a hitter-friendly era.

+++ The Nationals have handled the Stephen Strasburg situation perfectly every step of the way. Folks who disagree understand neither modern Major League Baseball nor economics.

+++ Those who know me well know that I root for no pro teams. Still, I can't acknowledge the pending Celtics-Lakers championship series without wishing best of luck to my former Marquette colleague, Glenn "Doc" Rivers - surely one of the worst soccer players ever to take Charlie Nader's team sports class.

+++ The Pirates beat the Cubs 6 times in May. They beat the other teams on their schedule 5 times. If you're waiting for a punch line, I don't need to provide it. The Cubs already have.

+++ And speaking of punch lines ... Aramis Ramirez is only one hot streak away from hiking his batting average all the way up to .175.

Limiting Bulls to Van Gundys, Fratellos would be silly

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We could start and end with Phil Jackson and our case would be made, but that would be no fun. So let's continue with ...

Gregg Popovich ... Rudy Tomjanovich ... Pat Riley ... Tom Heinsohn ... Bill Russell ... Al Attles ... Larry Costello ...

Yes, each of those coaches won a championship - many won multiple championships - for the franchise that gave him his first NBA head-coaching job.

And I'm not even counting Chuck Daly, who coached Cleveland to a 9-32 half-season record as an interim before the Pistons took a chance on him and were rewarded with two titles. Nor am I counting the many coaches who, while leading their first NBA team, led their franchises to the Finals but lost.

So for all of those who say the Bulls absolutely must hire a guy who already has been an NBA head coach - a.k.a. a retread - I answer only with a question:

Why?

Why have a knee-jerk reaction to the Vinny debacle, forgetting that he never had been so much as an assistant JV high school coach when John Paxson and Jerry Reinsdorf fell in love with him?

Why not consider all of the outstanding NBA assistants who are ready to take the next step?

Why limit the field by excluding guys who might turn out to be the next Phil Jackson or Pat Riley or Gregg Popovich?

OK, that was four questions. Shoot me with a Taser.

Windy City Winners (Mostly)

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Quite a weekend for Chicago's intrepid sports squads:

Puck Pluck (& Luck)

Try as they might to give away Game 5 (and quite likely the series), the Blackhawks weren't able to get the Predators to accept their generosity. All Preds star Martin Erat had to do was freeze the puck behind the Hawks net for a few more seconds. But he got greedy and made the mistake of the series - and his blind pass actually sent the Blackhawks on their way to the tying goal. At that point, it was a given that the Blackhawks would win in OT, and now it's a given that they'll win the series. Yes, the Hawks were fortunate. But unlike the Predators, they were willing and able to accept a gift - and they deserve credit for that.

Blessed Bears

Every, single player the Bears really wanted was available every time it was their turn to draft. It's an effen miracle!

Cubbie Clubbing

A Cubs team that just got finished losing five of six to the 'Stros and Mets went into Miller Park and outscored the Brewers 25-4. Which tells us all we need to know about Brewers pitching. And reminds us what we already knew about the Pirates.

So Close To Smallball

Ozzie can keep talking all he wants about the style he wants his Mighty Whities to play ... and we all can laugh our asses off. If they hit homers, they win ... as usual. If they don't, they lose ... period. Against the Mariners, they hit homers - dramatic, late homers. I know those aren't quite as exciting as sacrifice bunts, Oz, but you'll have to live with them.

A Cavalier Attitude

Be honest: You were surprised the Bulls won even one.

BONUS QUOTE

"Clearly, after this game, he's moved into first place as the best player to come out of Marquette." - Doc Rivers on Dwyane Wade.

Really? Rivers apparently forgot all about my killer moves in intramural action when we were at MU together in the early '80s!

Icons R Us: From Favre to Kobe to Phil Ivey

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The Bald Truth

Frankly, I didn't pay attention to a single thing Brett Favre said as he talked about getting ready to play his first game in Green Bay since becoming America's most famous vagabond since Jack Kerouac.

It was his tone of voice - almost catatonic, as if he had been awakened from a deep slumber just in time for his midweek press conference - that told me all I needed to know.

He is working so hard to seem low-key, it's obvious he's not. The man is as nervous and anxious as a teenage boy going to his first high-school dance.

Which is perfectly normal. Favre doesn't want to show up for the dance, trip over his own two feet and land face-down in the onion dip. Pretty hard to impress the ladies, the peers and the onlookers that way.

I'm guessing Favre will be received quite well by the folks who spent more than a decade and a half naming their kids Brett.

And he should be. Favre created wonderful memories for those Cheeseheads. He won them a championship. He restored pride in all things Packer. He played hard and with the enthusiasm of a rookie, even when he was old and gray. He never missed an opening coin toss, no matter how crappy he might have felt on a given day. He gave his life and blood for that organization.

Yeah, it ended weirdly. Yeah, in recent years he's been more wishy-washy than John Kerry on a bad day. Yeah, it sucks for Packerland to see Favre in freakin' purple.

But it's all worked out pretty well for the Packers, too. There certainly aren't many QBs better than Aaron Rodgers.

Of course, Favre is approaching Sunday's return with great anticipation. I'm really looking forward to the game, too - and I'm not a Packers fan, not a Vikings fan and, last I looked, not scheduled to play in it.

The Balder Truth

The NBA season has begun, so I'm just a little tardy with my predictions:

The Lakers will beat the Celtics in the NBA Finals.

Kobe will repeat as MVP.

The Spurs will take the Lakers to 7 games in the Western Conference finals.

The Cavaliers will win fewer games with Shaq than they did without him.

LeBron will start shopping for real estate in New York.

The Bulls will increase their win total from 41 to 43 and again will lose in the first round of the playoffs.

Will that convince John Paxson and Jerry Reinsdorf to extend Vinny Del Negro's contract? Only if they are fools.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Imagine Phil Mickelson turning in a Masters scorecard with the wrong score marked down at No. 12. Or Kevin Garnett shooting at the wrong end and scoring an important basket for the opponent in the NBA Finals. Or Peyton Manning looking right at a wide-open receiver in the end zone and, instead of throwing the ball, taking a knee in the third quarter of the Super Bowl. Or Derek Jeter forgetting how many outs there were in Game 5 of the World Series and throwing the ball into the stands to allow a run to score.

Hello, Phil Ivey.

ESPN The Magazine's latest cover boy as "The Best Poker Player On Earth," Ivey had what should have been a winning flush on Day 8 of the World Series of Poker's Main Event. Instead, he simply threw it away.

I'm not saying he folded because he wasn't sure he could beat his opponent. I'm saying the betting already had ended for the hand and his opponent already had shown his two-pair when Ivey, without taking another look at his two face-down cards, mucked his ace-high spade flush into the discard pile.

Incredible. The best poker player on the planet, playing on the game's biggest stage, simply forgot what he had in his hand.

The mistake cost Ivey more than 2 million chips and was a huge part of his free-fall from near the chip lead to the brink of elimination.

This all took place shortly after a pre-recorded interview in which Ivey spoke of his heightened concentration level and his determination to finally reach the Main Event final table - a destination that has eluded him forever.

It's a tribute to Phil's skill that he was able to recover and qualify for the final table. And it's a lesson - a rather refreshing one, too - that even the masters screw up royally.

We have clearance, Clarence ... Roger, Roger ... What's our vector, Victor?

^

The Bald Truth

As one of the guest celebrities playing for charity this week on Jeopardy, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar impressively nailed correct responses in categories about books, history and oceans. Then came this answer in the category I WENT TO UCLA:

TELL YOUR OLD MAN TO DRAG THIS '70s UCLA & TRAIL BLAZER CENTER (& LANIER!) UP & DOWN THE COURT FOR 48 MINUTES

Kareem buzzed in first and, with a knowing gleam in his eyes, confidently spit out: "Who is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar?"

To which Alex Trebek immediately scolded: "No!"

With a shocked look on Abdul-Jabbar's face, Trebek continued: "You're the one who delivered the line, but it was about Bill Walton!"

Kareem, who had delivered that line as co-pilot Roger Murdock in 1980's hilarious Airplane!, hesitated for a second, slapped his bald head, laughed and moaned: "Ohhh ... "

Said Trebek: "Embarrassing moments on Jeopardy!"

In the end, Kareem finished well behind comedic actor Michael McKean (but ahead of CNN's Soledad O'Brien).

Somehow, I think it would have gone better, stewardess, had Trebek spoken jive.

The Balder Truth

Here's a shock: Instead of ripping prospective bid leader Dave Checketts for caving in to public pressure and stabbing him in the back by booting him from a prospective Rams ownership group, Rush Limbaugh blamed "Obama's America."

Tune in Monday, when Limbaugh blames Obama for ESPN firing Rush in 2003, for Rush getting hooked on drugs a few years earlier and for Rush dropping out of college three decades before that.

Damn Obama! Is there no evil that man and his minions cannot perpetrate!

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Albert Pujols says he's in no hurry to work out a contract extension with the Cardinals. A perfect response for a guy who seems in no hurry to get his first postseason extra-base hit since 2006.

Mike's Michael Memories

^

The Bald Truth

Sources say Michael Jordan is getting inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame.

Jeesh. They'll let anybody in, won't they?

The List

My top five Michael Moments:

5. The Shrug. After hitting his sixth trey of the first half against the Trail Blazers in Game 1 of the '92 Finals, Jordan, not known for his 3-point shooting, turned both palms toward the Chicago Stadium rafters as if to apologize for being too damn great. This was the first Finals game involving Jordan I ever covered, so it has a special place in my memory banks. (Also memorable: Later in that series, during a between-games interview session, Jordan was told he had made the NBA media's All-Interview Team. His classic response: "All-Interview? No comment.")

4. Father's Day. Shortly after Jordan retired the first time, his father was murdered. Jordan came out of retirement and led the Bulls to the 1996 championship, with the decisive victory over Seattle coming on Father's Day. When the game ended, Jordan fell to the court, cradled the basketball in his arms and wept as he thought of his dad. Not long before then, my father had been diagnosed with terminal bone cancer, and I shed a couple of tears even as I worked on my story that day for AP.

3. That's Just Sick. Playing through a wicked bout of food poisoning, Jordan nonetheless carried the Bulls to a Game 5 victory over the Jazz in the 1997 Finals. The shot of a drained Michael leaning on Scottie Pippen after making the winning 3-pointer is one of the iconic sports photos of recent times. This actually was the only playoff game during the Bulls' second threepeat that I didn't see in person. My mother had died three days earlier and we buried her in Philadelphia the morning of Game 5. I watched the game on TV that night with my family.

2. The Steal & The Pose. Jordan's last play as a member of the Bulls: He stole the basketball from Mailman Malone on one end, went up court, gave Bryon Russell a little shove, hit the winning jumper and then kept his shooting arm extended, wrist flexed, for what seemed an eternity as the usually-eardrum-busting Delta Center crowd fell silent. The absolutely perfect ending to his otherworldly Chicago career.

1. Double Nickels. I was at Madison Square Garden on March 28, 1995, when Jordan told the world he really was back by putting up 55 points on the Knicks. The atmosphere was absolutely electric, with Jordan having returned only 10 days earlier. No, this game wasn't as important as many of Michael's big games, but it will always be special to me because it provided perhaps my all-time favorite keepsake. There on the front sports page of the next day's New York Times was a huge photograph of Jordan taking a jumper over John Starks. To Michael's left, at about ankle height, a certain balding (but not yet completely bald) sportswriter was looking on from press row.

One More Michael Moment

Late in a blowout victory at the United Center during the Bulls' 72-win season of 1995-96, I was having trouble sending my story over the landline on press row. Yes, that's right: We had landlines back then in the Dark Ages, with cords and everything.

Anyway, I was with AP then and our seats were adjacent to the end of the Bulls' bench. I was whining loudly to the scribe sitting next to me about my plight when a towel hit me in the face. I looked up and Jordan, who had been out of the game while the subs played in garbage time, was laughing hysterically.

Eventually, I was able to file the story. And, by the way, I still have that towel.

(For my take on what Jordan meant to Chicago, CLICK HERE to check out the column I wrote for Friday's Northwest Herald.)

THE BALDEST TRUTH

A lot of people conveniently forget that, for the first six years of his career, Jordan never won a title. More than that: The common belief back then was that he couldn't win a title.

He was too selfish, too focused on statistical accomplishments, too worried about his next Nike commercial.

"Sure, he's great," the thinking went, "but can he elevate those around him to excel for the overall good, the way Magic Johnson and Larry Bird do? The answer is no."

Of course, he went on to prove that the answer was yes.

And yes and yes and yes and yes and yes a sixth time.

We have come to learn over the years that Michael Jordan is an imperfect man, with enough vices and indiscretions to last several lifetimes. Take him away from the basketball court, and he's a false god. He certainly isn't much of a role model.

Still, when those lights came on, there was nobody better. Ever.

So all in all, I guess the Hall voters made an acceptable selection.

AL makes it count again ... and Blackhawks beam up Scotty's boy

^

The Bald Truth

An Oriole drives in the winning run against a Padre in an exhibition game to decide home-field advantage in the World Series.

Nice work, Bud!

Well, He Said He'd Bring Change

Was that a changeup lefty Barack Obama threw to Albert Pujols for the ceremonial first pitch before the All-Star Game? 

Or does this president simply have a noodle arm compared to Dubya's?

The Balder Truth

Wow, Stan Musial sure has an impressive list of accomplishments! Still, it's natural to wonder if his numbers would have been the same without all those steroids.

It's A Jolly Halladay

Neither the Cubs (with their slow sale and their possible bankruptcy) nor the White Sox (with their lower-than-projected attendance) are likely to feel rich enough to add Roy Halladay's big salary ... so here's an idea:

They BOTH can trade for the Blue Jays great, with Halladay getting to stay in Chicago from here on out because he'd only pitch in home games.

Hey, these rough economic times call for creative solutions.

It only will get unfair in the World Series. With the American League winning for the 855th straight year - This Time It Counts (Again)!! - the White Sox would get Halladay when they face the Cubs in Game 7.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

For better or worse, the Blackhawks officially are Scotty Bowman's team.

Last fall, in his first act as "senior adviser," he seniorly advised them to fire Denis Savard four games into the season. Now, he has gotten them to can Dale Tallon - who brought in all their great young talent - so his son Stan Bowman could be the new GM.

Asked what Stan Bowman brings to the job that Tallon didn't, owner Rocky Wirtz told the media: "He's 26, Dale is 58. We always want younger people."

Zounds! Methinks Tallon would have one hell of an age-discrimination suit had he not accepted a pile of hush money from Wirtz to stay on as an "adviser." (An extremely junior adviser.)

Given his love of youngsters in positions of power, Wirtz sure is giving a lot of latitude to Scotty Bowman, a septuagenarian whose Hall of Fame coaching career began back when NHL players really wore sweaters.

There is no question Scotty knows a lot about winning. With nine Stanley Cups, he's the Red Auerbach of hockey. 

And there's no question the Blackhawks are desperate. It's been so long since they've won it all, their last championship actually predates the start of Bowman's coaching career by six years!

Still, this all seems so sleazy, so knife-in-the-back, so beneath the actions of any respectable organization.

All I'll say is Blackhawks coach Joel Quenneville had better watch his back. With Phil Jackson having just won his 10th NBA title to break a tie for the most in North American pro sports history, Scotty might be salivating for another turn behind the bench.

Fortunately for Scotty, he has an in with the new GM.

At long last, Cubs pass Baseball 101

^

The Bald Truth

So what if it took Lou Piniella 2 1/2 years? At least he eventually got it right: Bat the guy likely to have the highest on-base percentage first, the contact hitter who excels at going to right field (and also is decent at getting on base) second and the power guy somewhere in the middle of the order.

Kosuke Fukudome, No. 1 ... Ryan Theriot, No. 2 ... Alfonso Soriano, No. 6.

After the Cubbie skipper stopped backing down to Soriano - even benching the $136 Million Man for a couple of games in favor of The Great Sam Fuld - Piniella finally passed Baseball 101 at last.

Congrats, Lou!

The Balder Truth

Today's NBA 3-pointer:

1. Celtics get Rasheed Wallace. Here's hoping Beantown isn't actually buying that this soon-to-be-35 loon is the key to a return to championship level. If Kevin Garnett is healthy come playoff time, the Celts will have a chance. If he (or Paul Pierce) isn't, the Celtics are toast. Even in his best days, 'Sheed was no KG. And 'Sheed is at least three years removed from his best days.

2. Spurs get Richard Jefferson. This was the single best move of the NBA offseason - yes, better than the Cavs trading for The Big Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Tourist - and it gives Tim Duncan a leg up on Shaq and Kobe in the race for a fifth NBA title. Duncan + Jefferson + Tony Parker + Manu Ginobili = a lot of freakin' pluses!

3.  Dwyane Wade gives Pat Riley an ultimatum. And a deadline, too. The NBA's third-best player says he wants to stay with the Heat but, he told AP, "I want to make sure that we're on track ... before I sign back." In other words, the 2006 Finals MVP says he won't stay in Miami after next season if the team isn't a legitimate title contender. Because the Heat almost surely won't contend, it will be a wide-open race next summer for Wade's considerable talents. Will the Bulls be enough of a contender a year from now to convince Dwyane to return home? Maybe, maybe not, the Bulls do figure to have considerable cash available, which would be the next best thing.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

The long-awaited $900 million sale of the Cubs to the Ricketts family of Omaha finally appears ready to be rubber-stamped by MLB, and you know what that means:

Jim Hendry soon will be allowed to throw more millions at overhyped, underproductive ballplayers in a desperate attempt to buy off the baseball gods.

Wheee!