Gobble, Gobble! It's Turkey of the Year time again!

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Remember 1998? I sure do. MJ's last championship before the Jerrys broke up the Bulls Dynasty ... the Summer of Steroid Sluggers, featuring Big Mac and Sammy ... Wanny's last stand in Bear Country ... my kids excelling on the basketball court ... my dad passing away after a courageous fight against cancer ... and me starting a new phase of my journalistic career as a sports columnist.

Naturally, a lot has changed since then -- far too much to list here. For one thing, I've been a former columnist for nearly a decade now; for another, my former business has been hurtin' for years. (Those things are related, of course.) 

Anyhoo ... one thing that has endured: the annual Turkey of the Year Countdown.

This is the 20th anniversary of me carving out a list of losers, lunkheads, dopes, druggies, cheaters and chokers -- a process I began back in my first year as Chicago sports columnist for the Copley family of newspapers.

For this edition, it would have been easy to select the abusive Michigan State doctor and his enablers, or the Maryland coach who had a player die on his watch, or the sleazy d-bag who had to sell the Carolina Panthers after getting nabbed in the MeToo movement. And then there's the reality show host masquerading as president, who is such a racist jerk that athletes refuse to visit to the White House after winning championships.

But because I don't want this to be too heavy, I'll go a different direction ...

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Before I begin this year’s Turkey Countdown, let’s review the previous “winners” (and by that, I mean losers):

Mike McCaskey (1998); Jerry Krause (1999); Bobby Knight (2000); David Wells and Frank Thomas (2001); Dick Jauron (2002); Sammy Sosa (2003 and 2004); Andy MacPhail, Jim Hendry and Dusty Baker (2005); Aramis Ramirez (2006); Charlie Weis (2007); Choking Cubbies (2008); Milton Bradley (2009); Mark McGwire (2010); Joe Paterno and the Penn State Enablers (2011); U.S. Ryder Cup Team (2012); Alex Rodriguez (2013); Roger Goodell and Ray Rice (2014); Derrick Rose (2015); Pat McCrory (2016); Kyle Shanahan (2017).

Astute readers will note that up until 2010, each of those Turkeys did his gobbling in Chicago and/or the Midwest because that's where I was based. The "award" actually got its start under my Copley predecessor and friend, the late, great Gene Seymour. Since moving to North Carolina, I've expanded my Turkey-choosing horizons. Still, as always, I dedicate this in memory of Gene.

Now let's get to it!

15. LIONEL MESSI. I don't follow soccer, so I'll take the word of my futbol-fanboi friends who say he is one of the greatest players ever. Whatever. This mighty Argentine icon failed to score on a penalty kick as his heavily favored team couldn't even beat Iceland in the World Cup.

14. JON GRUDEN. Only days after the coach-turned-broadcaster-turned-coach traded Khalil Mack to the Bears, he had the gall to say: "Great pass rushers are hard to find." Although Gruden's Raiders have been laughingstocks, you can't say he hasn't quickly built a winner ... in Chicago.

13. PAUL GEORGE. You gotta love a guy who gives himself the nickname "Playoff P" despite pretty much sucking every time his team has played a series-deciding playoff game. This time, George missed 14 of 16 shots and committed 6 turnovers as the OKC Thunder bowed out meekly to Utah in the first round. More like "Playoff P-U!"

12. MARCUS WILLIAMS. The Saints cornerback arguably made the worst defensive play in NFL playoff history when he let Stefon Diggs score on a 61-yard catch and run (mostly run) to give the Vikings a walk-off win over the Saints. Not only did Williams whiff on Diggs, but his flying body also prevented any teammate from making a play. 

11. JAMES HARDEN. Choke much? To paraphrase one of the great sports quotes ever (courtesy of former baseball player Gary Gaetti): "It's hard to shoot the basketball when you have both hands around your throat."

10. SERGIO GARCIA & JORDAN SPIETH. In 2017, Garcia finally got the major title that had eluded him and Spieth was one of the world's great golfers. In 2018, however, they combined to miss the cut in 13 events, including 4 majors. Sergio's defense of his Masters championship ended on the first day, when he infamously dunked five shots in the drink on No. 15 to card a 13. Thirteen!!!

Still, both Garcia and Spieth did perform well in the Ryder Cup, which is more than I can say for ...

9. PHIL MICKELSON. He got benched by U.S. coach Jim Furyk after he failed in Friday foursomes. In Sunday's singles, Phil was routed by Francisco Molinari in the match that clinched the Ryder Cup for Europe. And those results weren't even the worst of it for Mickelson, who during the U.S. Open ran up to his ball while it was still moving on the green and whacked it with his putter for a 2-stroke penalty. I certainly will not be paying $19.99 to watch this washed up hacker "compete" against Tiger Woods on pay-per-view the day after Thanksgiving; heck, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't watch it if Mickelson paid me $19.99.

8. KEN GILES. The Astros reliever blew a save ... and showed his frustration by punching himself in the face. 

The closer for Houston's 2017 championship team, Giles was so bad this year that he was demoted to the minors. Then he was traded to Toronto, and he continued being horrible north of the border, too. I guess Canada shoulda built that wall!

7. JALEN RAMSEY. In a off-season interview with GQ, the Jaguars' cornerback ripped QBs such as Ben Roethlisberger, Matt Ryan, Joe Flacco and Jared Goff. Of Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers, all he would say was they they didn't suck. Fast-forward to this season; Jalen's Jags are 0-6 since a 1-3 start. And just last Sunday, Roethlisberger led the Steelers back from a late 10-point deficit to beat Jacksonville. Maybe now Ramsey will elevate Big Ben, a two-time Super Bowl winning QB, all the way up to "doesn't suck," too.

6. LeVEON BELL. The Steelers running back thought he had all the leverage, so he held out and held out and held out ... until finally deciding to skip the entire season. As it turned out, he didn't have any leverage because his replacement, James Conner, is running as well as Bell ever did for a Pittsburgh team with legitimate Super Bowl aspirations. Bell also gave up $14.5 million ... making me wonder how he hopes to feed Latrell Sprewell's family!

5. VIRGINIA HOOPSTERS. It was bad enough that Virginia found a way to lose to the University of Maryland, Baltimore County -- becoming the first No. 1 seed ever to drop an NCAA basketball tournament game to a No. 16 seed. 

Even worse, the Cavaliers were out-shot, out-rebounded, out-defended, out-coached and out-played from the opening tip to the final horn in losing to UMBC by 20 points. If you didn't know which team was seeded first overall and which was the very lowest seed, you'd have sworn that the mighty Retrievers were the better team. 

4. TY MONTGOMERY. When his Packers played the Rams on Oct. 28, Green Bay return man Montgomery was told to take a knee if he caught the kickoff in the end zone with 2 minutes left and the Packers trailing by 2 points. Instead, he tried to make a "hero" play, fumbled, and Aaron Rodgers was deprived of the opportunity to lead a winning drive. 

Montgomery was said to be upset that he was taken out of the game the previous series, but he denied his mood had anything to do with his insubordination. No matter ... the Packers lost a game they could have won, and they sent Montgomery packing 2 days later.

3. RICK PITINO. It's not all that surprising that the former Louisville coach cheated; he's always seemed like a guy who has lived on the fringe of the rule book. What is surprising is that of all the stink attached to the college game, Pitino is the only one who ended up being flushed down the toilet. He now says he wants to coach again in the NBA, where he already has failed twice.

2. LARRY FEDORA. The North Carolina football coach might merit a spot on this list even if all he did was lead the Tar Heels to a 2-8 record. But he's the runner-up gobbler because of his all-around turkeyness all year long. First, 13 UNC players under his watch were suspended for breaking NCAA rules. Then Fedora said he didn't believe the act of playing football has led young men to suffer degenerative brain disease CTE, despite it being a scientifically proven fact. He doubled-down on his idiocy by saying those who agree with science were "attacking" football -- and America itself. If the sport is weakened, he breathlessly claimed, "our country goes down, too." How does a dim bulb like Fedora keep his job at a prestigious university?

And now ... the 2018 Turkey of the Year ...

J.R. SMITH

The soon-to-be former Cleveland Cavaliers guard pulled off the most boneheaded play of 2018 ... and then compounded his boneheadedness by lying about the circumstances surrounding it.

In Game 1 of the NBA Finals -- which was tied with 4.7 seconds left in regulation thanks to the heroics of LeBron James -- Smith rebounded teammate George Hill's missed free throw. 

Rather than go right back up for what might have been the winning basket against the heavily favored Warriors, Smith inexplicably took off and dribbled rapidly toward midcourt. James frantically called for the ball, then pointed for Smith to pass to Hill in the corner and finally tried to call time out ... but alas, by then the buzzer had sounded.

In interviews after the game, Smith claimed that he knew the score was tied, but television cameras clearly showed him telling LeBron: "I thought we were ahead." (See the 18-second mark of this video.)

Naturally, the Warriors blitzed the downtrodden Cavs in overtime and then crushed them in the next three games to take their third title in four years.

LeBron, who otherwise was amazing all postseason in willing a mediocre team to the NBA Finals, didn't cover himself in glory here, either. He could have been a leader, consoled Smith and vowed to carry the Cavs to victory in OT. Instead, he sat dejectedly on the bench, didn't join the team huddle and ignored his coach's instructions.

Still, this was classic J.R. Smith, whose career has been filled with silliness. He had a miserable 2018 playoffs overall, and he has been horrible so far this season, too. At 33, he is in the twilight of his crazy career.

Smith recently asked for a trade, and it appears he'll get his wish after ripping Cavs management for tanking the season: "I don't think the goal is to win." He actually is probably right about that, but it doesn't make his boneheaded play in Game 1 of the Finals any less boneheaded.

Nor does it make him any less fitting as the choice for Turkey of the Year.
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We Need A Decent President Like John Kasich - Also, fun with Tiger, the KKK and Omarosa

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I just watched Ohio Gov. John Kasich for 10+ minutes on NBC's Meet The Press ... and I couldn't help but feel sad.

He would have been SO much better president than the two people on the 2016 ballot, it isn't funny.

I strongly suggest that everybody who cares about our great democratic republic watch this video:

I can hear my friends from both side of the aisle now. Some of my liberal friends will say he is too conservative on issues such as abortion and say they would worry about the kinds of Supreme Court justices he would appoint. Some of my conservative friends will call him a RINO or "too establishment."

As a registered Independent who is a centrist on most economic issues and left-of-center on most social issues, I am not entirely comfortable with some of his platforms or with his tendency to drift toward religiosity.

However, I am about getting our country moving the right direction again. Kasich knows how to govern, he knows that bringing Americans together (and not dividing us) is the answer, he is reasonable and pragmatic, and I really do think he is a good human being.

Those last three words alone make him a bazillion times better than the immoral, corrupt racist currently in command.

I am disappointed in Republicans for letting themselves get conned into nominating a me-first, un-American, unstable liar - not to mention a guy who, as Kasich pointed out, is neither a Republican nor a conservative.

And I am disappointed in Democrats that they couldn't have put forward a candidate better than the flawed, dishonest person they nominated. As an adjunct, I am disappointed that Dems didn't come out to vote for the person they did nominate. I hope y'all are happy with the results of your apathy: the most corrupt president in history.

Here's hoping Kasich, a true leader who actually wants to lift all Americans rather than divide us, runs for president in 2020.

Unless the Dems nominate somebody really darn good, Kasich will get my vote.

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The last two golf majors have been a lot of fun, mostly because Tiger Woods - who had been sidelined and/or weakened for most of this past decade by personal problems, injuries, swing flaws and lack of confidence - is good enough to contend again.

Sunday's final round of the PGA Championship was filled with thrills as Tiger came charging from behind to pull within a stroke of Brooks Koepka down the stretch. But as had been the case at the British Open last month, Tiger made a couple of crucial mistakes. And as had been the case at the U.S. Open in June, Koepka simply was too good in the clutch for the rest of the field.

It's incredible that golf has gone 10 full years without Tiger having won a single major; he had captured 14 titles in his first dozen years on tour, and seemingly was a shoo-in to surpass Jack Nicklaus' record of 18. Heck, Tiger hasn't won any tournament at all, major or minor, since 2013.

Sunday, he had a drunk driver - it kept steering him miles from the fairway. But he responded by repeatedly escaping from horrific situations thanks to some of the most incredible iron shots we've seen since ... well ... since Tiger was TIGER! a decade ago.

After claiming for several years that "I'm close," he does finally look close to being one of the world's great golfers again. If he had driven the ball even OK at the PGA, he probably would have won.

One thing for sure, though: Today's pros are no longer intimidated by "The Tiger Factor" as they once were

At the British, his playing partner, Francesco Molinari, waved off Woods' comeback attempt to pull off an impressive victory. And Sunday, Koepka ignored the raucous cheers of Tiger's massive gallery to drill 340-yard drives right down the middle of the fairway and follow with practically perfect approach shots.

Given that he has won 3 of the last 6 majors - the 2017 and 2018 U.S. Opens and now the PGA - Koepka certainly has the look of Best Player in the World right now.

Will Eldrick T. Woods, who turns 43 in December, be able to prove he consistently can play with Koepka and the many other fine young pros - guys who were pre-teens during Tiger's heyday?

That will be the story line of the 2019 season.

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After watching the PGA Championship, Roberta and I went with another couple to go see BlacKkKlansman - the Spike Lee film that was based on the true story of a black cop infiltrating the Klan in Colorado Springs in the 1970s.

It was an amazing film, smartly written and extremely well acted. Given the backdrop of the 1-year anniversary of the deadly Charlottesville white-supremacist rally, it was extra interesting.

Several scenes reminded the audience that, even 40 years later, we haven't come as far in race relations as one might have thought or hoped.

Warning: Despite the opportunity to hear white folks use every epithet in the book to describe black people and Jews ... racists probably will not enjoy BlacKkKlansman.

Spoiler alert: The Klan doesn't come out looking very good.

David Duke, don't say I didn't warn you - and your hero, Donald Trump.

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I was proud to be an American on Sunday.

Counter-protesters outnumbered white supremacists by more than 100-to-1 at a "White People Can't Catch A Break In America" whine-a-thon held in Washington on the 1-year anniversary of Charlottesville.

A few Nazis tried to stage a similar "celebration" in Charlottesville, but there too they were dwarfed by the number of decent Americans shouting them down.

What really made me proud is that there was no violence at either location; it would have been easy for protesters to have been egged into it by the racist, anti-Semitic douchebags who have been emboldened by the leaders of our country.

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I wouldn't be surprised if a recording surfaced proving that Trump used the N-word and other racial epithets, as reality-show-personality-turned-presidential-adviser Omarosa Manigault Newman claimed Sunday on Meet the Press.

Nevertheless, Omarosa wasn't an especially convincing person to make that or any other charge.

Like pretty much everybody crammed into Spanky's Clown Car, she spent her time serving the president by being a liar who cared far more about "what's in it for me" than about our country. She admitted to being complicit with our "truly racist" president ... but it rings pretty hollow now, as she makes the circuit to promote the anti-Trump book she wrote after being fired last December.

Still, it was hilarious (and yet sad) to watch her get attacked by members of Spanky's staff - people who have spent two years lying on his behalf.

Her book is "riddled with lies and false accusations," said Sarah Sanders Huckabee, whose job as chief liar for the Liar In Chief depends upon her willingness to lie dozens of times a week.

White House counselor Kellyanne Conway criticized Omarosa for turning against Trump after having praised him. Of course, Conway was extremely critical of Trump when she was working for Ted Cruz, but she had no problem turning on Cruz and becoming yet another town liar after Spanky hired her. It was Conway, remember, who coined the term "alternative facts."

The most intriguing part of Sunday's interview was the recording Omarosa played of chief of staff John Kelly firing her in the Situation Room.

Omarosa secretly recorded the interaction, which is against protocol but seemingly not against the law. Holding such a meeting not in his office but in the Situation Room, which is only supposed to be used for top-secret matters of national security, also would appear to go against protocol.

Listeners could clearly hear Kelly threatening and trying to intimidate Omarosa - referring to "difficulty in the future relative to your reputation" if she didn't go quietly.

Many are criticizing Omarosa for making the recordings, but frankly it's hard to blame her. Having swam in Spanky's Swamp for more than a year, she knew exactly what she was dealing with, and she knew nobody would have believed her account.

Again, listening to Spanky sycophants talk about the lack of protocol in the White House is precious, given that their hero uses knee-jerk Twitter proclamations to make policy, lash out at allies, praise dictators and lie non-stop.

As usual, the Trump Administration is an embarrassment to our great nation. It's a dangerous operation with an unhinged leader surrounded by deplorable people.

It is, in a word, a shit-show.
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Loosen your belt and enjoy the Turkey of the Year Countdown

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It's Thanksgiving. So naturally, while Roberta is relaxing blissfully in the kitchen (something about getting dinner ready), I am doing real work: putting together my 18th annual Turkey of the Year Countdown.

Lest I end up on this list myself, I do hope everybody knows I'm joking. Robbie is working hard in that kitchen. As she should, being a woman at all. (That's for you, President Trump!)

Anyway, on with the task at hand - "honoring" the sports year's losers, lame-os, louts, haters, hypocrites and hacks.

Previous "winners" (and by that, I mean losers):

Mike McCaskey (1998); Jerry Krause (1999); Bobby Knight (2000); David Wells and Frank Thomas (2001); Dick Jauron (2002); Sammy Sosa (2003 and 2004); Andy MacPhail, Jim Hendry and Dusty Baker (2005); Aramis Ramirez (2006); Charlie Weis (2007); Choking Cubbies (2008); Milton Bradley (2009); Mark McGwire (2010); Joe Paterno and the Penn State Enablers (2011); U.S. Ryder Cup Team (2012); Alex Rodriguez(2013); Roger Goodell and Ray Rice (2014); Derrick Rose (2015).

Sharp readers will notice that up until 2010, each of those Turkeys did their gobbling in Chicago or the Midwest. Because I columnized for the Copley newspaper group in Chicago, where the annual countdown got its start under my predecessor and friend, the late, great Gene Seymour, I naturally favored that region. (The Cubs were particularly well-represented, taking the "honor" six times in a 7-year span in the aughts ... but that obviously isn't the case this year!) Since moving to North Carolina, I've expanded my Turkey-choosing horizons. Still, as always, I dedicate this in memory of Gene.

OK, enough appetizers. Time to get to the main meal ...

12. JIMMY HASLAM. Since buying the Cleveland Browns in 2012, they are 19-56 - including 0-11 so far this season, when they will miss the playoffs for the 14th straight year. Haslam already has shot through four coaches and three GMs, and he doesn't even have a GM now because he hired a baseball guy to focus on Moneyball-type analytics. Good luck with that. Can't LeBron buy the team?

11. NICK KYRGIOS. Tennis is the only mainstream sport in which even high-ranked competitors routinely tank games: Player is losing 5-1, so he or she barely moves to save energy for the following set. The enigmatic Kyrgios took tanking to an absurd level in a Shanghai Masters loss to Mischa Zverev: He literally didn't try almost the entire match, tapping serves barely over the net, walking away as Zverev returned shots and saying out loud that he just wanted to go home to Australia. Fans, who had paid hundreds for tickets, booed - and Kyrgios cussed them out. Nice guy.

10. TIGER WOODS. I faintly remember him being a pretty fair golfer. I've won as many majors as he has the last eight years.

9. CHRIS SALE. Flipped out not because the crappy White Sox became laughingstocks in Cubbieland but because he didn't want to wear an alternate jersey the team was promoting. Apparently oblivious to the fact that such promotions help pay ballplayers' astronomical salaries, Sale went comically ballistic, cutting uniforms to shreds in the clubhouse. It probably was the first step in Sale's eventual departure from the team. Hmmm ... maybe he knew exactly what he was doing all along.

8. COLIN KAEPERNICK. I have no problem with him declining to stand during the national anthem as a protest against police violence against blacks. (Nor do I have a problem with those who dislike him for it.) But when Kaepernick wears socks depicting cops as pigs, when he says something idiotic like Trump and Hillary are equally racist and when he decides to not even vote ... well, he undermines his own cause.

7. TONY ROMO. The Cowboys finally seem ready to contend for the Super Bowl, and their snakebit QB - injured yet again - gets "Wally Pipped" by Dak Prescott. Romo is healthy enough to play now but can't get his job back. The classy Romo has said Prescott should stay in the lineup, so this Turkey mention is more about his doggone bad luck.

6. RYAN LOCHTE. First, he swam in Rio as if he had an anchor tied around his neck. Then he lied about being robbed at gunpoint. Then he came back to America after the Olympics and staged a pathetic apology tour. I'm not sure what's worse, athletes who dope, or dopey athletes.

5. BRIAN KELLY. It isn't easy to make Notre Dame football completely irrelevant, so Kelly deserves special congratulations for that. Oh, and the team just had to forfeit 21 wins for academic malfeasance under his watch. Predictably, he says he had no knowledge of the situation. Either he is lying or he is ignorant; neither speaks highly of the man in charge. Touchdown Jesus is mortified.

4. CAM NEWTON. The year started great, as the NFL MVP passed and ran and dabbed the Panthers into Super Bowl 50. Unfortunately, there was nowhere to go but down. Getting little help from his teammates, he didn't play especially well in the big game, and he deserved the grief he caught for not even trying to recover a late fumble that sealed Carolina's fate. He then demonstrated how not to conduct a post-game press conference. This season, he has been only OK and the Panthers likely will miss the playoffs. He also got himself concussed when a defensive player blasted him at the goal line after Cam slowed down instead of simply running into the end zone. I'm a Panthers fan - and a Cam fan - so I hope this was just one of those years and he'll come back strong in 2017.

3. HOPE SOLO. The U.S. soccer goalie gave new meaning to "poor sportsmanship" - and to "Ugly American" - when she reacted to an Olympic quarterfinal loss to Sweden by calling the Swedes a bunch of cowards. What got Solo so perturbed? Did the Swedes play dirty? Did they call U.S. players names? Did they spike the U.S. team's Gatorade? No ... they had the temerity to employ a slow-down strategy that helped them win in a shootout. Of course, the U.S. could have won the shootout had their goalkeeper made more saves ... but it's easier to lash out than to look in the mirror.

2. DRAYMOND GREEN. Who knew that the statistic that would have the biggest bearing on the NBA Finals would be not points or assists or rebounds or turnovers but crotch shots? Green, one of the Golden State Warriors' best players, turns out to also be one of basketball's dirtiest. He started kicking opponents in their man-zones earlier in the postseason and kept it up in the Finals. Finally, when Green changed things up a bit by using his hand to swat LeBron during Game 4, NBA commissioner Adam Silver had little choice but to suspend Green for Game 5. The Warriors had a 3-1 series lead but lost without Green. He then played poorly in Game 6 as the Cavs won again, setting the stage for Cleveland's remarkable, entertaining and historic win in Game 7. For Draymond Green, that must have been quite a kick in the, um, teeth.

And now, friends and fans, the 2016 Turkey of the Year ...

N.C. GOVERNOR PAT McCRORY

What? Am I suddenly making this a political "award." Well, only kind-of.

McCrory almost did the impossible. In a state that decisively elected Trump and pretty much every other Republican on the ballot, McCrory seems to have managed to lose his job as governor. (I say "seems to" because a recount appears to be in the offing, but the odds against him winning remain very long.)

What's especially interesting is that North Carolina has created jobs during McCrory's tenure and even has a budget surplus. The state is growing, as newcomers pour in. Formerly a popular Charlotte mayor, he won easily in 2012, getting millions of votes from Democrats. As the incumbent, he should have cruised to victory - and if there had been any doubt, he could have ridden the coattails of Trump, whom he supported vocally. Instead, he trails Democrat Roy Cooper, the attorney general, by about 8,000 votes.

How did this happen?

There might have been a few reasons. He is perceived by many Republicans as too moderate and by most Democrats as exceedingly right-wing. He is seen as a feckless leader, bullied frequently by legislators from his own party. He refused to take a stand against toll roads that will cost North Carolina commuters dearly. But perhaps the overriding factor was a piece of legislation called House Bill 2.

HB2 - or Hate Bill 2, as detractors call it - strips antidiscrimination protections away from LGBT residents. It prevents counties, cities and towns from raising the minimum wage. And, most famously, it mandates that transgender people use bathrooms that correspond with the gender on their birth certificates.

Almost immediately, corporations scrapped plans to bring jobs to North Carolina. Bruce Springsteen and other high-profile entertainers canceled concerts. Large groups moved their conventions to other states.

And - here's where the sports comes in - those in charge of professional and college leagues expressed serious doubts about whether they wanted to hold major events here. The NBA gave N.C. leaders a few months to try to rectify the situation, but when the state refused to back down, the league pulled the 2017 All-Star Game out of Charlotte.

The ACC followed, taking its championship football game out of Charlotte. Greensboro was supposed to host two NCAA basketball tournament rounds - but not any more. Numerous other college sporting events pulled up stakes to go elsewhere.

In addition to being embarrassing, all of that activity is costing North Carolina hundreds of millions of dollars in economic activity. McCrory and his people keep trying to downplay the losses and to blame those who are moving the events. The soon-to-be-ex-governor does everything but take responsibility for his own mess.

HB2 was rushed into law during a one-day special session and signed within minutes by McCrory, who since has admitted that he didn't know some of what was in it. McCrory has defended it as a common-sense law that protects women and little girls from sexual predators. This despite the fact that there have been zero instances of transgender people committing deviant crimes in the hundreds of cities that allow them to use the bathrooms of their choice.

Besides being pretty much unenforceable, the law actually requires transgender men - who look like men, act like men and might even have facial hair (think Chaz Bono) - to use the ladies room. Why? Their birth certificates say they are female, so they have to pee in stalls next to the little girls McCrory purports to protect.

Oh, and McCrory supported Trump, who has bragged about going into locker rooms at beauty pageants, many of which involved teenage girls. If only HB2 had banned Agent Orange!

It is so much hypocrisy, all in the name of hate and exclusion. It has cost North Carolina the NBA All-Star Game, thousands of jobs and considerable humiliation. And now it apparently has cost McCrory his governorship.

Channeling his inner Hope Solo, he is refusing to concede. Channeling his inner Trump, he is alleging voter fraud despite there being no evidence that wide-spread fraud cost him the election. But the more votes that are being counted - all by Republican county election boards - the further behind McCrory is falling in the race. Classic.

It's a performance well deserving of the highest honor in the land, The Baldest Truth's Turkey of the Year.
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Vinci over Serena: Upset of this century (so far)?

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'Nova over Georgetown? Buster Douglas over Mike Tyson? Team U.S.A. over Russian hockey's Big Red Machine? Eli's Giants over Brady's Pats?

I don't think it's exaggerating at all to put unranked Roberta Vinci's stunning U.S. Open semifinal victory over No. 1 Serena Williams on the short list of Greatest Upsets In Modern Sports History.

Williams, probably the greatest female tennis player ever, came in needing to win only two more matches to become the first Grand Slam winner since 1988 -- a fact that made Friday's action (and outcome) all the more riveting.

While Serena spent much of the match screaming at herself -- usually her trademark, "Come on!" -- Vinci remained almost unbelievably calm. However, she did provide one magically emotional moment midway through the third set.

It was 3-3 with Serena serving at 40-30, one point away from finally taking control of the match. She fired one haymaker after another, and Vinci kept returning the ball. Vinci made a nice cross-court shot that Williams chased down, leading the New York crowd to cheer. But Vinci followed with a great play to win the point and make it deuce.

With the crowd still roaring, Vinci put her hand to her ear. She then raised both hands and pumped her arms, as she repeatedly said, "What about me? What about me?"

In other words: Enough with Serena and the Slam. I'm here, too, and I'm not going anywhere!

And she wasn't. She ended up breaking Serena's serve and then holding hers to go up 5-3. After Williams held serve to make it 5-4, Vinci calmly served out the match.

As was the case most of the final two sets, Vinci just kept putting the ball in play and letting the overanxious Williams make mistake after mistake after mistake. I swear, I would have easily returned a few of the second serves Vinci lobbed in there, but Williams kept firing the ball into the net or beyond the baseline.

When it was over and she had received a quick handshake from Serena, Vinci sat down and buried her face in her hands. She was overcome by the enormity of the moment.

Eventually, she agreed to talk to ESPN in an interview broadcast live in the stadium. I will say it is one of the most stirring, most honest interviews I have heard in many a year.

Take a listen HERE if you haven't heard it already.

One of the great parts of it was Vinci admitting that, before the match, she never thought she could possibly beat Serena Williams.

This is why we love sports, folks, especially championship-level sports. Anything really CAN happen.

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I wanted Serena to win because I enjoy watching history in the making. She didn't win the Slam, so now she'll go for it again next year.

One thing I am tired of hearing about, though, is "the Serena Slam" -- winning 4 straight majors over the span of two seasons. Even she calls it that and talks about how special it was. Tiger Woods did the same in golf and folks called it "the Tiger Slam."

Because those terms suddenly became common, it led some in the media to call what Serena was chasing "the Calendar Slam."

But please.

It's the Grand Slam. Serena might claim that "the Serena Slam" is every bit as special -- because she no longer can win the REAL Slam.

There was a reason she was as uptight as she was, and that's because she had a chance to make real history.

Calling something else "historic" doesn't make it equally historic.

Serena had a great run, but she fell short. There's no shame in that.
^

THE JOY OF SIX: The Masters, the presidential race and the return of the Sons of Pitches

^
6. How 'bout that Jordan Spieth, huh? Every time Phil Mickelson or Justin Rose or anybody else drew within a few strokes of him at the Masters, the 21-year-old Texan would birdie the next couple of holes and re-open a commanding lead. He ended up breaking a bunch of records and tying Tiger Woods' mark for best Masters score ever. Pretty impressive.

I know that I'm looking forward to many years of him dueling with Rory McIlroy, the reigning king who is only 25 himself. Then again, I remember Tiger and Sergio Garcia going toe-to-toe as youngsters in the 1999 PGA Championship at Medinah and thinking, "Wow, it's gonna be fun watching these guys go at each other for the next decade or two."

How has that worked out?

^^^

5. At one point, CBS showed a list of the last 10 Masters champions -- reminding me that the one and only Masters I ever covered (or ever will cover) was won by the "least good" (to borrow a phrase from former Bears coach Dick Jauron) champion in decades. Maybe ever.

Despite shooting a 75 in the final round, Trevor Immelman beat a field that never really showed up. Woods tried to rally but got no closer than 3 strokes. Immelman hasn't won since and, since 2012, he has missed the cut more than he has made it. In 10 starts so far this year, he has made the cut twice.

Trevor Freakin' Immelman won "my" Masters. But hey, at least the weather was perfect and I got to see a golf course that actually exceeded my very lofty expectations.

^^^

4. It seems almost impossible that the race for the GOP presidential nomination could top 2012 for sheer craziness, but the candidates are off to a running start.

Ted Cruz is an absolute loony, which is fitting because he was born in Canada (unlike our current Kenya-born president). Rand Paul is supposed to be a Libertarian but he already is sucking up to the far right. Chris Christie just came out with Social Security reform that looks suspiciously like a liberal re-distribution plan. Marco Rubio is backtracking from his compassionate immigration policy because to the party base, there is no room for compassion in an immigration policy.

I already miss Herman "9-9-9" Cain, Rick "Oops" Perry, Mitt "47 Percent" Romney and Newt "I Guarantee $2.50 Gas" Gingrich.

And isn't there anything anybody can do to get Michele Bachmann to run again? She just predicted that Barack Obama's Iran policy would result in the End Times and usher in Jesus' return to earth, saying: "I believe the Bible is true. And believe what the Bible says is  that our nation and the people of our nation will reap a whirlwind, and we could see economic disasters, natural disasters."

I don't remember any mention of the U.S. of A. in either testament, but I admit I'm no biblical scholar.

^^^

3. Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton finally stopped delaying the inevitable and announced online that she would be running for the Democratic nomination.

She's a piece of work, too. She actually might be a bigger liar storyteller than her hubby.

It's gonna be a fun 17 months until November 2016.

^^^

2. The Cubs paid $155 million to a left-hander who gets the yips every time he thinks about throwing to first to hold the runner. In Jon Lester's last start, he threw one so far over the first baseman's head it almost landed in the stands. It's the damnedest thing. So Cubbie.

Fortunately for the Cubs, the right fielder chased down the baseball and gunned the runner out at third base.

Obviously, it was a set play orchestrated by Joe Maddon, the latest Savior Skipper who for sure will take the Cubbies to the pennant.

^^^

1. My over-50 softball league's season has begun and I'm thrilled to be back with the Sons of Pitches. Our manager/pitcher, Pat, traded for me because he knows I'm the ultimate softball stud. Either that or he just wanted to be sure he had somebody to drink with after games. (OK, I guarantee it's not the "stud" thing.)

Pat and I entered the league as teammates in 2012 and played one season with the Blue Thunder. He decided to become a manager the following year and traded for me. The Sons of Pitches capped a very nice two-year run by winning the '14 fall championship, but then in accordance with league rules, we (and all other teams) were broken up for the league-wide re-draft.

For the SoP's latest incarnation, Pat did a nice job of getting 5 of us back together, as Pat and I are joined by Bob, Spike (the other Mike) and Wayne. Our 8 teammates seem like great guys and fine players. Definitely a fun group. I'd list 'em all here by name but I'm still getting to know them.

Our season started Tuesday and we promptly gave up the maximum 5 runs in the top of the first inning. It was a delightful combination of booted grounders, errant throws, walks and other assorted miscues. We only managed one run ourselves and gave up a couple more runs over the next 3 innings to fall behind 7-1 going into the bottom of the 4th.

Pat, who fancies himself as quite the motivator, yelled, "Do you guys wanna win or what?" Duly inspired, we scratched out 3 runs to make it a 7-4 game. We held our opponent scoreless in the fifth and I led off the bottom of the inning.

While coaching third base earlier in the game, I had a brief conversation with the opposing third baseman. He had a great glove and a gun for an arm, but he told me he was having knee problems and wouldn't be able to move very well. I joked that I was going to lay down a bunt.

Now, bunting isn't allowed in slow-pitch softball ... but swinging bunts are another story. I took a mighty cut and the ball traveled all of about 15 feet down the third-base line. Using my cheetah-like speed -- I mean, there's nothing faster than a bald, slightly chunky, 50-something Jewboy -- I beat out the infield hit.

"Real" hits -- the kind that actually leave the infield -- followed, one after the other, and by the time the 5th inning was over, we had an 8-7 lead. The umpire's timer went off during the inning, meaning the 6th would be the last. Pat retired the first two batters before giving up a hit, but he stranded the tying run by inducing a come-backer. After he threw to first, it was time to head to the bar.

There's nothing wrong with winning ugly, because there's no such thing as losing pretty.

The Sons of Pitches are back, baby!
^

Radio Shack is kaput, but my memories are not

^
When you get to be 106 years old like me, you sometimes get wistful when you hear certain news.

So it was last week when I heard that Radio Shack was going out of business.

I haven't stepped inside a Radio Shack store in years -- a fact that obviously doesn't make me unique, seeing as how the company has been bleeding red ink for years. And though I was a bit of a nerd as a kid, I wasn't really the kind of geek who frequented Radio Shack. My father was the electronics guy; my eyes glazed over whenever he talked about such stuff.

So what about Radio Shack's demise brought about my wistfulness?

Well, I credit the company's little TRS-80 Model 100 laptop computer with saving my sanity. Had it not come along when it did, I might be in a loony bin right now.

I first saw a TRS-80 in 1984 when I was a 23-year-old reporter in Madison, Wis. My AP colleague, Rich Eggleston, had just bought one with his own money -- more than a thousand bucks for the little 8-line device with precious little memory and limited editing capabilities. The machine had just been introduced a few months earlier.

When I covered a Wisconsin football or basketball game back then, I had two choices: dictate my story to an editor in the Milwaukee bureau or use a Teleram Portabubble unit when the Milwaukee folks made it available.

The Portabubble was an evil device that regularly ate copy and couldn't handle crowd noise. It weighed a ton but had a tiny screen that was difficult to read. It had no memory. I hated that freakin' thing! So the few times Rich let me borrow his TRS-80, I was in heaven. Unfortunately, he needed it both for work (he was one of AP's political reporters) and for personal use, so I rarely had it. I actually preferred dictating stories off the top of my head than using the Portabubble.

When I was promoted to AP Minnesota Sports Editor the following year, I was issued a Portabubble to use at Vikings, Twins, North Stars and Gophers games. It was the source of much consternation. The cord was frayed and the device sometimes would shut off, which instantly made the work go away forever. When I managed to get an entire story ready to transmit to the Minneapolis bureau or to AP Sports HQ in New York, I had to attach the phone into holes on the top of the machine. If the crowd noise was too loud, it would result in garbled text -- if the story managed to make it at all.

By 1986, AP had been issuing TRS-80s to many sportswriters but I still had the Portabubble. I was working the state high school hockey tournament at the old St. Paul Civic Center, about 12 hours into what would be an 18-hour day, when the machine ate a story just as I was ready to transmit it. I called my boss and demanded we buy one of the Radio Shack laptops. I told him that if I lost another story, I was going to hurl the Portabubble out of the press box onto the ice below!

My boss probably could have fired me for insubordination but instead, nicely, talked me off the ledge. He also promised he'd seriously look into getting me a TRS-80. Sure enough, within about a month, he made it happen.

And I lived happily ever after. The End.

OK ... not quite The End. The TRS-80s had their own issues, including having to send through "accoustic couplers" that also could be sensitive to crowd noise. Within a couple of years, though, I was upgraded to a TRS-80 Model 200, which had a flip-up screen and more memory, and it came with a "direct connect" cable that made accoustic couplers unnecessary. Wow!

Eventually, AP started investing in "real" laptop computers for all of its reporters. More than a decade later, however, many sportswriters -- especially those at smaller newspapers -- were still using TRS-80s. Those little suckers were durable!

So although Radio Shack soon will be gone forever, I always will have fond memories of its little laptop that saved my sanity -- and very possibly saved the life of a high school hockey player who might have been killed by the Portabubble I'd have thrown out of  the press box.

---

And speaking of wistful memories of bygone days ...

Remember when Tiger Woods was good at golf? Now he chips like me ... and believe me, that's no compliment.

But I digress. That's a different blog post for a different time. Like maybe when he's shooting an 86 at Augusta National.

I sure hope his career doesn't go the way of the TRS-80, because golf needs Tiger a lot more than the rest of us need Radio Shack.
^

Hey Tiger: Hire me as swing coach!

Tiger Woods

Former Majors Champion

The Woods Compound

Orlando, Fla.

Dear Mr. Woods:

It has come to my attention that you need a new swing coach (again), and I am sure I would be perfect for the job. Here is my resume:

1985 -- Underwent back surgery to repair a herniated disc. After that, my golf game only improved over the years ... to the point where I often break 100 on public courses now. I'm sure I could improve your game every bit as much as you deal with a bad back.

1996 – Demonstrated great motivational technique while on a Michigan golf junket with former Copley columnist Gene Seymour.

Gene (standing over 3-foot birdie putt): This is just like the one I missed yesterday.

Me: That’s a great thought to put in your mind. Just shut up and make the putt. (He did!)

1997 -- Covered the Western Open at Cog Hill, and my mere presence inside the ropes obviously inspired you to victory.

1998 – Became a columnist and took advantage of the spare time I suddenly had to revamp my swing, turning my fade into a draw. OK, so it really was turning a banana slice into a duck hook, but it still showed an openness to explore different styles. That fall at Mistwood, I used my new form to make 7 pars in an 11-hole stretch, as witnessed by Tim Cronin. You, too, could enjoy that kind of consistency.

1999 – Made a downhill 25-footer to birdie Medinah No. 3’s famed second hole on PGA Championship media day. Had the ball not gone into the cup, it probably would have ended up in the lake. Later parred 12 and 17 - all part of my nifty 101. You have to admit, not many pros are capable of shooting a 101.

2000-08 – Regularly contended for third place in weekly golf games organized by myself, Phil Arvia and Teddy Greenstein. As a bonus, I got to drive back to Chicago in rush hour. Those 2-hour slogs built my character and proved my resolve.

2000 – Birdied consecutive holes at The Merit Club during U.S. Women’s Open media day. Given that I didn’t make anything better than a bogey on the other 16 holes, this showed my ability to rise to the occasion.

2001 – Playing the 16th hole at Mill Creek Golf Club in Geneva, Ill., with three fellow golfers on the tee box and four more standing near the green, I yanked my tee shot into the water. I then re-teed and hit a big hook that landed on the far right side of the green, bounced several times and went into the cup on the left side of the green for that rarest of shots: a hole-in-3! Although one of my playing partners, Gene Chamberlain, carded a birdie - meaning I didn't even have honors on the next hole - this demonstrated my ability to respond to adversity.

2003 -- Beat Nick "Woosie" Pietruszkiewicz by a stroke on the front 9 at Buffalo Grove Golf Club. So what if he beat my by 13 strokes on the back 9? I showed that for a couple of hours, if I'm playing my best, I can outplay a good golfer playing his worst.

2005 -- Playing Pelican Point in Gonzalez, La., the day after a Bears-Saints game - and less than three months after Hurricane Katrina devastated New Orleans - I scored an 81, my personal best for a "grown-up" course. I started with four 6's but then went par or better on 10 of the next 12 holes. The stretch included a career-high six straight pars. It also included a chip-in birdie; those familiar with my short game might argue that was rarer than my hole-in 3 back in '01. Even though I finished bogey-bogey to ruin my bid to break 80, I don't know how you or any pro could look at such an achievement and fail to be impressed.

2006 -- Birdied No. 18 at River Oaks (a.k.a. Fuddruckers National) to win several dollars - more than 1, less than 10 - off of Arvia and Greenstein. I know you like to gamble when you play, and I definitely will give you a run for your money ... if you give me enough strokes ... 18 per side should do it ... or maybe 24.

2007 -- Played 108 holes in 72 hours in Michigan with Tony Pellikan and Tom Chodzko. Talk about toughness and resilience!

2009 -- On consecutive days while golfing in Phoenix, I saw a coyote, a roadrunner and Alice Cooper. You, too, could benefit from my keen powers of observation.

2010 – Following my move from Chicago to Charlotte, I began a three-year stint working in customer service at country clubs - first River Hills, then Ballantyne.

During this time, I practiced hard to get rid of my trademark draw/hook. Now, I have no idea which direction the ball will go once it leaves my club, which speaks to my spontaneity and sense of humor.

I also routinely gave playing tips to members and their kids, the most effective being: “If you want to be any good at all, watch me and then do things the exact opposite way.”

2011 -- Started drinking beer again, a must when dealing with the likes of you.

2012 – After cutting the corner with a long drive and dropping a 5-iron within 2 ½ feet, I made the putt to eagle the 490-yard 11^th hole at Ballantyne CC. This tale of my only career eagle surely would inspire any golfer to greatness, so I will be happy to recount my heroics weekly. Or even daily, if you insist.

2014 – Stopped working at Ballantyne CC to concentrate on landing a job as your swing coach because I knew it would be only a matter of time before you blamed Sean Foley for your problems.

So how about it, Mr. Woods … hire me, employ my proven What Not To Do swing techniques, and start winning majors again!

Sincerely,

Mike

Today's High Five: U.S. Open and other endings

^
5. Martin Kaymer reminds me a lot of myself.

No, I'm not talking about his wire-to-wire victory in the U.S. Open, his incredible putting, his bunker play, his 310-yard drives, his good looks, his physique or his overflowing bank account.

I'm talking about his apparent disdain for using wedges around the greens. Like me (and many other high-handicappers), the man putts everything he possibly can.

On one hole, Kaymer could have tried a tricky chip from a tight lie over a bunker into a pin near the edge of the green. Instead, he actually putted backward through the fringe, leaving himself with a long par putt from off the green. He two-putted from there for a bogey, and seemed quite happy to get it.

With a huge lead over the field, he knew that the only way he could lose the tournament was by experiencing a few horrific holes. He knew that the best way to avoid that was to stick with the club he trusted most. I loved it because I do the exact same thing. (And not only when I am leading the U.S. Open.)

What I didn't love was Kaymer lapping the field. I dig fantastic finishes, and watching dramatic U.S. Open battles has become a Father's Day ritual. So Tiger being hurt, Phil stinking up Pinehurst, Rory failing to find any magic, Bubba missing the cut and everybody else being unwilling or unable to challenge Kaymer turned the tournament into the Who S. Open and ruined my Father's Day.

Ruined it, I say!

Actually, that's not close to being true. I had a lovely, relaxing day. Roberta, Simmie and I took a long walk and visited with some goats and a donkey at a nearby hobby farm. I saved nearly $40 on a $12 grocery store bill - I am not making this up! - and even received a $10 instant rebate for buying a $5 pie. That's right: They paid me 5 bucks for taking a key lime pie off their hands! Later, I thoroughly enjoyed the Copper River salmon I grilled on a cedar plank for dinner. (And pie for dessert!) Of course, I also took several moments to fondly recall my many happy times with my father, truly a great man.

Kaymer even saved an otherwise anticlimactic U.S. Open for me by putting from off the green - well off the green - on at least a dozen occasions.

The next time I'm playing with my buddies and they scoff at me for putting from 15 feet off the green, I'll just smile and say, "It worked for the Who S. Open champion!"

4. And speaking of anticlimactic, it sure would have been nice if the Heat had bothered showing up for the last three games of the NBA Finals.

You know what? Instead of totally ragging on the losing team, let's give a big thumbs-up to the winners.

The Spurs were the NBA's best all season and they underscored their dominance in the Finals. They are talented and savvy and well-coached and deeper than the Grand Canyon. They wore out LeBron & Co., outplayed them, outclassed them and outscored them by 20 points per game after the series was tied 1-1.

There was a lot of talk about players' legacies going into this series, specifically revolving around LeBron James and Tim Duncan.

Despite all the haters' blah-blah-blahing, LeBron's legacy is fine. He has won two titles, has carried two organizations to a total of five Finals appearances and already is one of the top 10 basketball players ever.

Duncan? You know, he's pretty good, too!

3. The U.S. Open and NBA Finals weren't the only things to end Sunday. I already miss Game of Thrones.

It might be time to put my HBO subscription on hiatus for a little while.

2. And while we're on the subject of endings, this weekend marked the end of my Little League umpiring season. 

Here in Charlotte, it is too hot and humid to make the kiddies play all summer, so they have spring and fall seasons.

I had a lot of fun in my first full season behind the plate and in the field. And hey, I only ejected one coach all year - and I let him hang around for at least three innings of whining longer than I should have.

My highlight: During a brief time-out while one of his teammates was tying a shoe, a 10-year-old catcher turned around and asked me: "Do you umpire MLB, too?"

I was so stunned, I didn't even have a clever retort. I probably even blushed. Umps don't get compliments very often, especially one quite like that!

1. The weekend's first ending, the L.A. Kings' clutch performance against the Rangers in the Stanley Cup Final, served as a happy reminder of something that happened to me 20 years earlier.

That memory actually started 21 years ago, when Wayne Gretzky and the Kings lost in the 1993 Final to the Canadiens. I was the lead hockey writer for AP back then, and my coverage earned the Will Grimsley Award for best body of work.

Flash forward to '94. This time, the Rangers were in the Final, and prevailed over the Canucks in a thrilling seven-game series to break their 54-year championship drought.

About two weeks after covering that series, Roberta and I were flown to a resort in southern California, where I received my '93 award at the Associated Press Sports Editors conference. Because I happened to be the first AP writer called to the podium, I had the stage to myself for about a minute while my peers applauded.

Twenty years later, I still consider that minute to be the pinnacle of my AP career ... and one of the great things to happen to me in what I acknowledge has been a very lucky life.
^

It's Turkey Time!

^
This kind of snuck up on me this year. I was sitting down, thinking about all I have to be thankful for, and -- wham! -- "Uh-oh, I forgot to choose my Turkey of the Year."

So I'm going to dispense with the long introduction and get right down to the countdown, which will lead to the latest in this parade of  lunkheads, losers, scammers, slimeballs, chokers, cheaters, bullies, boors, pouters and pitiable punching bags:

Mike McCaskey (1998); Jerry Krause (1999); Bobby Knight (2000); David Wells & Frank Thomas (2001); Dick Jauron (2002);Sammy Sosa (2003); Sammy Sosa (2004, the only repeat winner); Andy MacPhail, Jim Hendry & Dusty Baker (2005); Aramis Ramirez (2006); Charlie Weis (2007); Choking Cubbies (2008); Milton Bradley(2009); Mark McGwire (2010); Joe Paterno & Penn State Enablers (2011); U.S. Ryder Cup Team (2012).

As always, this is dedicated to the late, great Gene Seymour, my Copley columnist predecessor and good friend.

10. DOLPHINS OFFENSIVE LINE. You know the old saying: The only time you hear the name of an offensive lineman is when he commits a holding penalty. Or when he leaves voicemails for a fellow lineman filled with vulgarity, profanity and racist taunts. What a mess. It's tough to stay, um, Icognito with this stuff going on.

9. TIM TEBOW. By all accounts, he's a great guy and a noble human being. But being a turkey isn't only about being a wretched human being. Sometimes, it's just about being a wretched quarterback. (And yet he still won one more playoff game as Denver's QB than Peyton Manning and Jay Cutler combined!)

8. GATEHOUSE GANGSTERS. Hey investors! Shares of stock in my former employer can be had for 3 cents apiece! Warning: After systematically gutting the editorial staff over five-plus years and emerging from bankruptcy just this week, it's high time for the pencil-necked weasels who run GateHouse Media to give themselves yet another round of raises and bonuses. Capitalism at its finest!

7. TIGER WOODS. He was golfer of the year and deservedly so. How, then, does he end up on this list? Four more majors by the board, four more also-ran finishes, five years without the only titles he considers truly relevant. As for that two-stroke penalty he had to take for his illegal drop in the Masters, well ... gobble, gobble!

6. DENNIS RODMAN. After befriending Kim Jong Un, Wormy McDiplomat's next project is Charles Manson. "Dude's just a little misunderstood, man."

5. ROB FORD. OK, he's not an athlete, but he is the mayor of a great North American sports town, Toronto, so I'm winging it. Hey, I never thought any politician could top the 2012 GOP presidential circus acts for pure comic relief, but this crack-smoking, drunken-stuporizing, foul-mouthed, real-life Chris Farley character takes the cake. And falls face-first in the frosting on a regular basis.

4. MANTI TE'O. The Notre Dame linebacker enthralled the national media with his heartbreaking story about his longtime girlfriend, who supposedly suffered a tragic death. Problem is, his dearly departed squeeze was no more real than Jan Brady's George Glass. Meanwhile, Alabama showed that Notre Dame's title hopes were an illusion, too.

3. RYAN BRAUN. The Brewers slugger had everything -- fame, talent, money and a legion of loyal fans. But that wasn't enough, so he juiced and made things worse by lying about it. Now, nothing he ever does on the ballfield can be taken seriously. 

2. RILEY COOPER. Eagles wide receiver and infamous cracker threatened to "fight every n----- here" at a Kenny Chesney concert. My immediate reaction: Black people go to Kenny Chesney concerts?

AND NOW ... THE BALDEST TRUTH'S 2013 TURKEY OF THE YEAR:

ALEX RODRIGUEZ

Cheater. Liar. Druggie. Professional Victim. And now he's little more than a pathetic, broken-down lowlife. Yes, the 2012 runner-up was an easy choice as this year's top turkey. 

These days, A-Roid is the poorest multimillionaire on the planet. His wife divorced him. Most of his "friends," no doubt, are the people he pays to stay close to him. Even Yankee fans, not a particularly discerning lot, must have to take long, hot showers after rooting for this miscreant. (I'm talking about the few fans who don't come to the ballpark to boo him.)

There was a time when it seemed possible that he could be the greatest ballplayer ever. Now? As the old-timers would say:

He's just another bum.
^