Thankfully, I avoided stepping on Shaq's toe

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In what seems a lifetime ago, I covered the 1993 NBA All-Star Game in Salt Lake City for AP. Looking back, two things stand out:

1. A few other sportswriters and I went out for lunch the day of the game. It started snowing lightly as we got out of the cab and entered the restaurant. About an hour later, there had to have been a foot and a half of snow on the ground. It was the biggest, fastest blizzard I ever had seen. And that's saying something, because I lived in Minnesota for almost 10 years.

2. My game assignment was to write about Shaquille O'Neal, the NBA's rookie sensation. I can't remember what I wrote, but I do remember getting into the locker room as quickly as possible after the game and planting myself next to Shaq's locker. Even back then, he was a notorious quiet-talker, so I knew the microphone on my tape recorder wouldn't pick up a thing he said if I didn't stand thisclose. He came out of the shower and sat down on his chair, and his huge left foot literally was an inch from my right shoe. I was barely listening to what he said because all I kept thinking was, "Mike, you clod, don't step on one of this guy's toes!"

Shaq was neither the best center I ever covered (that would have been Kareem Abdul-Jabbar) nor the largest human I ever saw (the Jazz had a center named Mark Eaton, whose head was roughly the size of a Yugo). But he was close in both categories.

The super-athletic O'Neal was the fourth-best center in basketball history, behind only Kareem, Bill Russell and Wilt Chamberlain. I used to get a kick out of when his critics would say, "All he can do is dunk." To which I'd respond: "Yeah, 15 or 20 times a game."

His biggest failing was his horrific free-throw shooting. He used to claim he made them all the time in practice. That cracked me up, because it meant he was admitting he was a choker who couldn't handle game pressure. In reality, Shaq was a damn good big-game performer. Still, he needed a great facilitator -- Kobe Bryant in L.A., Dwyane Wade in Miami -- to win his titles.

One thing for sure: Shaq was a wonderful character who marketed himself brilliantly and turned himself into an international brand. Sure, his movies sucked. But he made seven more of them -- and got paid handsomely for seven more of them -- than you or I did.

Sports needs more characters not fewer. Shaquille O'Neal will be missed.
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If LeBron's a doody-head, Dan Gilbert's a double-doody-head

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Just for the heck of it, let's agree that every single word Cavs owner Dan Gilbert says about LeBron is true:

LeBron is a self-promoting, narcissistic,disloyal, cowardly, heartless, callous, selfish, shameful, disrespectful, immature jerk who quit on the Cavs in the playoffs each of the last two years.

Now consider this:

Gilbert was ready to give one of the richest contracts in the history of sports to a self-promoting, narcissistic, disloyal, cowardly, heartless, callous, selfish, shameful, disrespectful, immature quitter.

What does that say about Gilbert's intelligence, management savvy and ability to judge character?

Gilbert now is "guaranteeing" that his gutted Cavaliers will win a title before the James-Wade-Bosh triumverate does in Miami.

I'd happily take that bet and give Gilbert 3-to-1 odds.

Hey, if I were a Cavs fan, I'd take him at his word and buy the most expensive season-ticket package the team sells - as long as the loyal, honorable, non-narcissistic Gilbert's guarantee is of the 100-percent-refund variety.

And speaking of money-back guarantees ...

My son Ben and his buddy, Billy, couldn't resist. A couple of weeks ago, each bought a 2010-11 season ticket to the Bulls on the chance that the team would land LeBron, which would have given the ducats some serious value.

Oh well ... at least Ben and Billy didn't buy 10 years ago in anticipation of Tim Duncan, Grant Hill and Tracy McGrady coming to Chicago - the last time the Bulls cleared out salary-cap space for what was then hailed as the greatest free-agent class ever.

Besides, the boys probably still will be able to make a tidy profit on quite a few games - especially the two against LeBron's Heat (but probably not when the Bulls face Gilbert's 25-win Cavs).

Soto's not hot, but he sure is smokin'!

The List

Top five signs that Cubbie catcher Geo Soto is a pothead (aside from his lethargic first half of the season):

5. Always refers to Lou Piniella as "that awesome, gnarly dude."

4. During a recent seventh-inning stretch, he could be heard singing: "Give me Doritos and Ho-Hos, bro; I don't care that my butt's gonna grow ... "

3. Didn't start lobbying for baseball to be an Olympic sport until he was told he'd get to hang out with Michael Phelps and Shaun White.

2. Just before taking a swing at Yadier Molina during a basebrawl, he reached out, embraced the Redbird catcher and said: "I love you, man!"

1. Commissioned Louisville Slugger to make him a 32-ounce bong.

Ozzie Being Ozzie I

After spending more than 2 minutes loudly and forcefully insisting that Shaquille O'Neal will hurt LeBron's Cavs because Shaq is old, broken down, useless and in need of a wheelchair, Sox skipper Ozzie Guillen concluded:

"Like I (bleeping) know about basketball."

Sweet-Talking Lou

Asked by the Chicago Tribune if he'll run the Cubbies beyond this season: "I'm signed through next year."

Then Piniella repeated it two times.

Hmmm. The man hasn't sounded that enthused about managing since his final weeks with the Devil Rays.

Ozzie Being Ozzie II

On Alexei Ramirez, who made two "lousy and lazy" errors Thursday against the Dodgers:

"I made a big mistake in January when I said he's gonna be a better shortstop than Ozzie Guillen. I never thought I was that bad."

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Our old friend Steve Kerr has done a heck of a job running the Phoenix Suns.

Into the ground.

He's only a couple more trades away from securing the most Ping-Pong balls in next year's lottery.

Phil wins again, Ozzie strategizes, Lou lets buddy take a fall

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The Bald Truth

He is smug, condescending and egotistical. Often full of crap, too. Phil Jackson also is a 10-time champion.

Yes, he's had great players. Hello! What winning coach hasn't? Red Auerbach had a few great players, too. So did Scotty Bowman, Pat Riley, Casey Stengel, Chuck Noll, Vince Lombardi, Don Shula, Miller Huggins, etc.

Think about all the superstars those great winners coached/managed ... and not a one
of them won 10 titles.

Jackson's secret? He empowered his players to believe in themselves and in each other. He put his players in position to succeed, getting the most out of what they could do and rarely asking them to do something they couldn't. Mostly, he was willing to get out of his very best players' way and let them lead.

Yes, Michael and Kobe were/are great players. No, Jackson never won a title without them. But you know what? They never won without him, either, and they had plenty of chances to do so.

Next Verse

No longer can Shaquille O'Neal say Kobe needed The Big Attention Hog to win championships. Fact is, Shaq never came close to winning without being carried by a great game-closer - first Kobe, then Dwyane Wade.

Anybody who thinks it was the other way around wasn't paying close enough attention.

The Balder Truth

The few who begrudgingly give Ozzie Guillen credit for being a good manager usually cite his motivational abilities. As a strategist, well, to his critics he's no Tony La Russa, no Mike Scioscia, no Bobby Cox.

Whatever.

All I know is that not many managers would have given A.J. Pierzynski the green light in the ninth inning of a tie game with two on, two out and a 3-0 count against Trevor Hoffman, a future Hall of Famer who hadn't allowed a run all season.

Ozzie did. A.J. singled. And the White Sox beat the Brewers, with Guillen outmanaging his Milwaukee counterpart for the second straight day using NL rules.

The Quote

"One thing about Wrigley Field, I puke every time I go there." - Ozzie Guillen

Yep, this is gonna be a fun week of Chicago baseball, kids.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

In canning Lou Piniella's hand-picked hitting coach, Gerald Perry, it is clear that Jim Hendry used his authority as Cubs GM to pull rank on Sweet Lou.

That means something.

For one thing, it means Piniella has less control than most of us thought he did.

For another, it means a desperate Hendry has shifted into cover-my-ass mode: I brought in these hitters. Therefore, they can hit. If they aren't hitting, it must be somebody else's fault.

There have been hundreds of Cubbie scapegoats over the years, so Perry has to get in line. But facts are facts: Right up until the day before the move, Lou was singing Perry's praises.

That the skipper would just sit there and let his friend fall on the team's sword tells us more about Lou than we knew 24 hours earlier.

I like Lou, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't more than a little disappointed in him.