Oct. 13: Birthday Of The Stars (and a certain bald schlub)

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An early Happy Birthday wish to my former Marquette classmate Glenn Rivers (now universally known as Doc), who was born Oct. 13, 1961, exactly one year after I was.

And while I'm at it, early Happy Birthday wishes to ...

Jerry Rice, the greatest receiver ever to lace 'em up.

Marie Osmond (even though, unlike her, I'm a lotta bit rock 'n' roll).

Paul Simon, who still can get me feelin' groovy.

Dark comedian Lenny Bruce (RIP)

Sacha Baron Cohen, who no doubt will celebrate by making sexy time.

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, who hasn't won a lick since naming himself GM.

Clutch hoopster Paul Pierce (and far-less-clutch hoopster Jermaine O'Neal).

Nancy Kerrigan, one of sport's all-time victims.

Kelly Preston, Jerry Maguire's squeeze.

Kate Walsh. Is there any TV show she hasn't been mediocre in?

Sammy Hagar -- The Red Rocker.

Margaret Thatcher -- The Iron Lady. (RIP)

Ari Fleischer, who as Dubya's press secretary had the dubious assignment of making his boss sound intelligible.

"Foolish" songstress Ashanti.

Trevor Hoffman, who saved 601 games even though his fastball could be measured by a sundial.

Wow ... what a great list of October 13 birthdays!

And while I'm at it, an early Happy Birthday To Me!

For yours truly, it's double-nickels -- a term I'll always associate with Michael Jordan's 55-point performance at Madison Square Garden shortly after his first un-retirement in 1995.

Jeesh ... was that really 20 years ago? How time flies when you share a birth date with Ari Fleischer!

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And in other less-important news ...

++ Of course Chase Utley's slide was dirty. The rent-a-Dodger was practically past second base when he wiped out Ruben Tejada, breaking the Mets shortstop's leg. Kudos to MLB executive Joe Torre for suspending Utley. It's worth noting that Torre, who has as much integrity as any man in baseball, used to manage the Dodgers.

++ "These things are scripted, I guess, and I wasn't in the script this time." -- Anirban Lahiri, International team golfer, after he missed a short putt to lose to Chris Kirk and cost his team a tie in the Presidents Cup. Hey man, if you want to believe God chose Kirk instead of you and the Americans instead of your team as a rationale for your choke job, go for it.

++ I keep thinking the Seahawks are going to start dominating games again, but they keep avoiding doing so. I hope they delay it at least another week, as they face my Panthers next Sunday.

++ Oh, and one more early birthday shout-out to Phil Arvia, my good buddy and fellow former Chicago sports columnist. Phil has traded in his laptop for a bass guitar, and he's just more proof that there's life after the newspaper biz. I am still waiting for him to invite me on stage to sing, though. You haven't rocked or rolled until you've heard my rendition of Del Shannon's "Runaway"!

Sucky Sunday for Panthers fans, but our day was still better than A-Roid's

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Only one of the four NFL teams that had a first-round bye and homefield advantage in this weekend's playoffs lost.

My team, the Panthers.

Their decisive loss to the 49ers capped a pretty lousy Sunday -- despite the fact that I spent most of it looking splendid in my Keyshawn Johnson #19 Panthers jersey circa 2006.

I had decided I wanted to watch the game with like-minded folks, so Roberta and I went to what I thought was a sports bar. We got there about 15 minutes before kickoff to find about 3 other people, none of whom seemed especially interested in the game.

That wasn't the vibe I wanted, so we left and went to an establishment I knew would be hopping. Getting there just before kickoff, the place was packed. So packed, there was not a single seat available. So we left to go to a place just a few minutes from where we live.

That place might have been even more packed than the previous establishment, so, with the game now well underway, we left and went to one just down the street.

That one had available seating in a room adjacent to the bar so we decided to stay. The place was fine. The burgers were fine. The beer was cold and cheap. The game was on. But most of the like-minded folks were at the bar a whole room away, so it didn't feel like much of an occasion at all.

And then the Panthers failed to score from the 1/2-yard line. And then they failed again. And then the 49ers took a halftime lead on a last-second TD. And then San Fran dominated the second half. And then Robbie and I went home halfway through the fourth quarter to watch the bitter end to what had been an extremely enjoyable season.

And then I took off my Panthers jersey until next season.

+++

At least I, unlike Alex Rodriguez, will have a "next season" to enjoy.

Sunday's 60 Minutes expose on A-Roid was fascinating. Yes, the primary witness against him is a sleazebag with a history of fabricating the truth. But I had to laugh when A-Roid's lawyer intimated that his client was more believable than the sleazebag. Interesting, given that A-Roid spent years and years lying about juicing, only admitting the truth after being caught.

A-Roid is an admitted serial liar and a proven cheat. But now we're supposed to believe him. Funny!

Is it sad that a guy who could have been among the greatest players in baseball history thought cheating was the only way to do it? Nah. Pathetic is a much better word.

I doubt the courts will help A-Roid overturn his suspension for the entire 2014 season. And if there truly is any justice, he will never play another inning in the majors.
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Cutler's haul, Lovie's comeback & Metrodome memories

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My wife and I were having dinner at a restaurant tonight when she saw Jay Cutler on the TV in the bar. "What did he do now?" she asked.

I squinted hard and saw exactly what he had done: signed a $126 million contract that includes $54 million guaranteed.

And so, one of my biggest NFL offseason questions -- What would the Bears do about this coach-killing, talented-but-never-quite-good-enough QB whose contract was about to expire? -- was answered before the playoffs even began. (Playoffs for the other teams, of course. Cutler failed to get the Bears there for the fourth time in his five Chicago seasons after going 0-for-3 with Denver.)

I suppose the Bears couldn't let such a talented player simply walk away. But now they have tethered themselves to this enigma for most of this decade.

I wouldn't have done it. I'd have franchised him and seen how he played in 2014. But what do I know ... except that he has one career playoff victory, that he never has thrown 30 TDs in a year, that he attempts at least a half-dozen stupid passes just about every game, that he goes through head coaches and offensive coordinators faster than some guys go through a buffet line, that he turns 31 in April and that he has become injury-prone?

Anyway, the Bears have their man for several more years. Just as they had him for the last five. And we saw how good that turned out to be.

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And speaking of coaches that Cutler chewed up and spat out ...

Lovie Smith is back, this time with the Buccaneers.

If he's given some talent to work with, Lovie will do a good job. He no doubt learned a lot about what worked and what didn't. There are many examples of guys who struggled in their first job, got fired and came back to be outstanding coaches; Bill Belichick and Pete Carroll leap to mind. And Lovie had a lot more success in his first job than they did.

Lovie and I definitely were not close during the years I covered him. I disagreed with many of his decisions and I thought he needlessly made excuses for his players. They seemed to respect him, however, and he did win a lot more games than he lost -- not something many Bears coaches can say. He also got to a Super Bowl, another accomplishment that has eluded every Chicago coach not named Ditka, my friend.

Smith deserved a second chance as much as anybody.

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The Metrodome -- that great pimple on the Minneapolis skyline -- has hosted its last sporting event and soon will be demolished.

It was a horrible place to watch baseball games and was as sterile a football environment as could be found anywhere, but I'll always have a lot of fond memories of the stadium in which I covered Twins and Vikings games from 1985-94 It was my first full-time sportswriting job, and the AP office was located right across the street from the Dome. I spent a lot of hours in that dump!

A few Metrodome memories that immediately pop into my head:

Game 6 of the 1987 World Series. When Kent Hrbek hit a grand slam to give the Twins a 10-5 lead over the Cardinals, I have never heard a more deafening din in a stadium.

Game 6 of the 1991 World Series. The late, great Kirby Puckett put the Twins on his back and carried them to an 11-inning win over the Braves.

Game 7 of the 1991 World Series. What a game! Jack Morris pitched 10 shutout innings and Lonnie Smith made one of the biggest baserunning blunders ever to cap off perhaps the greatest World Series ever.

Scott Erickson's no-hitter in 1994. It was the first no-no I ever covered. What made it especially amazing was that Erickson had allowed more hits than any other pitcher over the previous two seasons. That's right: The most hittable pitcher in baseball threw a no-hitter. I love that.

Herschel Walker's Vikings debut in 1989. When Walker returned the first Green Bay kickoff 51 yards, the Metrodome was up for grabs. Then, on his first play from scrimmage, Herschel went 47 yards -- the final 15 after his right shoe fell off during a defender's futile attempt to tackle him. By the time the day was done, Walker had rushed for 148 yards and the Vikings had a rare victory over the Packers. History shows that the Cowboys easily "won" the famed Herschel Walker trade, but that's not what the national pundits were saying after Walker's Vikings debut. More than a few were saying Vikings GM Mike Lynn had fleeced Jimmy Johnson.

Ditka rips Harbaugh in 1992. With the Bears leading 20-0, Jim Harbaugh audibled out of a running play and threw an interception that Todd Scott returned for a touchdown. Ditka went ballistic on the sideline. And after the Vikings came back to win 21-20, the coach was still fuming in the interview room: "I'll just say this: 'If it happens again, there will be changes made and they will be definite and they will be permanent.' I'm not gonna put 47 players' futures in the hands of one player who thinks he knows more than I do." How priceless is that?

The 1992 Super Bowl. I don't remember much about the game, in which the Bills got whipped again (this time by the Redskins). What I do remember is that I had just returned to work after missing nearly two weeks with a horrible case of the chickenpox, which I had caught from my son. My face still looked like the lunar surface and I still felt like hell. The game was the middle leg of an incredible seven-month run for the Metrodome that began with the '91 World Series and ended with the '92 Final Four.

Yep, even dumps can create some wonderful sports memories.
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Oh Monday morning, you gave me no warning of what was to be!

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The Mamas & The Papas had it wrong.

Monday, Monday ... CAN trust that day.

This week, anyway.

Last week wasn't the best sports week of my life. I lost the first two games of my coaching career, including a close heartbreaker on Thursday. And then my Marquette Golden Warriors looked like a bad 7th/8th grade basketball team in falling to Ohio State on Saturday.

Then came Monday, and I was living large.

First, I hung out in downtown Charlotte with one of my fellow SeekingAlpha.com writers, a Boston transplant who now lives in South Carolina and goes by the pen name "Chowder" -- shoulda been "Chowdah," I always tell him. We had a great two hours talking about investing, sports, families and life. There was plenty of playful trash-talk, too, as he's a big Patriots fan and I'm a relatively new Panther Backer.

I drove from downtown to the city's south side, where my Scholars Academy Eagles took on United Faith Christian. And we played our best game of the season, using absolutely swarming defense to get our first win. We still had trouble hitting shots, but you don't need to hit many if you hold the opponent scoreless.

Yes, that's right, we pitched a shutout!

Here are five of my gold-clad -- and victorious -- Eagles:

Hannah, Maddie, Sienna, Olivia and Charlotte. 

The girls have worked so hard, it was satisfying to watch them finally have reason to celebrate on the court. Winning isn't everything at this level, but it beats the heck out of the alternative. They have improved so much and they care even more. What a fun group to coach.

Finally, the Panthers capped off Monday with a dramatic, well-deserved victory over Cheatin' Bill and his Patriots. Cam Newton, extremely talented but criticized for never leading comeback victories, used his incredible skills to rally the Panthers in the final minutes. Tom Brady had one final chance -- as he almost always does -- but his last pass was picked off in the end zone.

It was an incredibly fun game to watch and it cemented the Panthers as legitimate contenders. They now have won six straight after a 1-3 start -- the last two victories coming at San Francisco and at home over the Patriots. It's fun to have a relevant sports franchise in my adopted town.

So maybe The Mamas & The Papas had it right after all:

Monday, Monday ... so good to me.

Monday, Monday ... it was all I hoped it would be!
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Of 7 billion people in world, exactly 1 thinks Randy Moss is greater than Jerry Rice

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If the draft is the worst event on the NFL calendar -- and, I swear on a stack of Mel Kiper's hair, it most definitely is -- Super Bowl Media Day is the goofiest.

I covered several of them and always came away with a good column or story. Not trying to claim I wrote well; just saying there were many good stories available to be told. The actual quality of my writing was for others to judge, be it excellent or merely great.

And speaking of braggadocio, we have this year's silliest story:

Randy Moss said he is the greatest receiver in football history.

"No disrespect to Jerry Rice," he told the zillion reporters who were listening.


                 REC      YARDS      TD    1000  PRO BL  TITLES

RICE       1,549      22,895        197       14        13            3

MOSS       982       15,292         156       10         7             0


No wonder why Moss believes he's the greatest ever. Except for huge deficits in receptions, yards, touchdowns, 1,000-yard seasons, Pro Bowl appearances and championships, he has it all over Rice.

Next from Moss: He's a better singer than Freddie Mercury ever dreamed of being.
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Misery has company: Williams & Cundiff

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I don't feel sorry for Kyle Williams and Billy Cundiff. They are well-compensated professional athletes who are paid not to play football but to achieve at football. The Niners return man and Ravens kicker each had his team's potential for success in his hands (and feet) ... and each failed.

Still, I wouldn't wish the special kind of misery each is going through now on anybody. No human being should have to go through life being labeled a goat, a choker, a loser or worse. It's not as if both guys wanted to mess up.

In the end, I give a lot of credit to Williams and Cundiff, each of whom stood before a media throng and owned up to his failure, making no excuses, blaming no one else. That takes courage and class.

Here's hoping that Williams and Cundiff each get another shot at playoff glory ... and that each makes good next time.

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Prediction: XLII rematch (sans David Tyree)

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The home team is 7-1 in the NFL playoffs. Even the Broncos, who deserved a playoff berth as much as I deserve to be the next president (not that I wouldn't do at least as well as today's incumbent and candidates) won their home playoff game.

The one road victor? The New York Giants, who did pretty much whatever they wanted in Green Bay last week.

The Giants are this year's version of the 2010 Packers and 2005 Steelers. Oh, and the 2007 Giants. Those teams quite arguably weren't the best in the NFL in those seasons, but they got hot at the right time and rolled to win championships.

These Giants have the same QB as the 2007 Giants, but Eli Manning is so much better now. In addition, they have been running the ball well and putting immense pressure on the opposing quarterback.

49ers QB Alex Smith showed a lot in last week's win against the Saints, but can he excel two weeks in a row against a defense that will relentlessly pursue him?

I'm answering "No" to that question and going with the hot QB, the on-fire team and the only club to have won a road game this postseason.

Giants 24, Niners 19.

In the AFC, I have a weakness: I can't pick against Tom Brady.

That worked fine 10 years ago but it certainly hasn't been an automatic recipe for success in recent seasons.

Oh well, fool me six times, shame on me.

Patriots 34, Ravens 17.

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Rating QBs ... from Tebow to Rodgers to Romo to Hanie

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Nobody says "The check's in the mail" any more. For one thing, nobody under the age of 80 writes checks. And pretty much nobody mails anything other than junk.

Another saying that should go into permanent hiatus: "The quarterback gets too much credit when you win and too much blame when you lose."

QB is the single most important position in team sports. (You might say hockey goalie, but let's stick to sports that people actually watch.) A team with a great quarterback has a chance to excel and a team that lacks even a good quarterback has little chance at all. Of course, there have been a few exceptions over the years in the NFL. Very few.

The QB handles the football on every play, makes dozens upon dozens of critical in-game decisions and must execute every play properly -- be it a handoff, pitch or pass -- for an offense to function. When a close game comes down to crunch time, the ability and demeanor of the quarterback usually is the one deciding factor.

Fact is, the QB never can get too much credit or blame.

I still don't think Tim Tebow can be a winning QB in the NFL over time, but he deserves credit for the Broncos' surprising success during the eight-week stretch that put them in position to back into the playoffs. And Tebow deserves at least as much blame for the team's complete collapse during the final three weeks.

If he and his passionate-bordering-on-bonkers fans don't think such scrutiny is fair, Tebow should become a linebacker or tight end.

Which, by the way, would be better positions for him.

But enough about Tim Tebow for today. There are plenty of other QBs to talk about now that the regular season has ended:

TOM BRADY: It's hard to imagine choosing another quarterback if you have to win one game.

DREW BREES: Unless it's this guy, who is almost impossibly accurate. He and the Saints are too much fun to watch.

AARON RODGERS: Then again, maybe it's this guy, the shoo-in for league MVP. If there's a Mount Rushmore of today's ridiculously good quarterbacks, Rodgers, Brees and Brady are the equivalent of Washington, Jefferson and Lincoln.

PEYTON MANNING: The perfect example of the importance of having a great QB. But he isn't healthy, so right now Teddy Roosevelt would have to be ...

BEN ROETHLISBERGER: I'm fairly sure he's a jerk, and he rarely looks pretty on the field. But he has won two Super Bowls and he's got a decent chance for a third. He plays tough, he plays hurt and he usually plays really well.

ELI MANNING: Were I a Giants fan, I'd love to hate this guy. For big chunks of every game, he plays ugly. But he absolutely carried the team this year and he has a knack for pulling games out at the end. In that way, he's similar to Tebow. Except Eli's actually a QB.

MARK SANCHEZ: By far, New Jersey's worst pro QB.

CAM NEWTON: A young Steve Young, but already as polished a passer as Young became well into his career. I actually looked forward to Panthers games every week just to watch this guy.

PHILIP RIVERS: Just good enough to be not quite great enough for a Chargers team that never has quite enough.

CARSON PALMER: Still waiting to see what all the hype is about.

MIKE VICK: The rest of the NFC is glad Vick and his Philly teammates didn't realize the lockout had ended until the season was 12 weeks old.

TONY ROMO: You know this guy is talented, but there's just something missing. He's sort of Eli Manning's opposite because he far too often finds a way to lose.

REX GROSSMAN: A very, very, very poor man's Romo.

KYLE ORTON: After coming off the scrap heap to lead the Chiefs to victory over the Packers, and then helping knock off Tebow in the season finale, Orton probably earned a very nice paycheck for himself next season. And speaking of guys who earned a big payday ...

MATT FLYNN: Aaron Who? Brett Who?

MATTHEW STAFFORD: Looks like he can be pretty special, at least as long as he can stay healthy -- and as long as Calvin Johnson is on the field with him.

MATT SCHAUB: A shame he got hurt just as the Texans were starting to get good.

ALEX SMITH: Finally came into his own in San Fran under Jim Harbaugh. I'm looking forward to seeing how he does under playoff pressure.

ANDY DALTON: Obviously skilled ... but will he be more than Carson Palmer?

SAM BRADFORD: Not enough information to know if he's a superstar in the making or an injury-prone bust in the making.

CHRISTIAN PONDER: A great big "We'll see."

JOE FLACCO: Eli Manning Lite.

JAY CUTLER: Another Romo-type who can make all the plays but often doesn't. Still, Chicago fans learned the hard way this year that there are a lot worse QBs than Cutler. Such as ...

CALEB HANIE: Sure, I'll have fries with that.

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Today's High Five: Tebow, Tiger and (who?) Sveum

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5. This whole Tim Tebow thing is pretty amazing. I'm not sure I've ever seen a situation in which a QB can play so consistently bad for so long and then somehow rally his team at the end.

But here's the deal Tebow's giddy worshippers might not get: This can't last. It just can't.

Either Tebow will develop at least some true quarterbacking skills, or he will not be able to play long-term in the NFL.

While acknowledging that Tebow has been impressive (in his own weird way) so far, I am at least a year or two away from admitting I'm wrong when I say I doubt he will be a standout NFL QB.

There's a reason the likes of Bobby Douglass and Tarvaris Jackson and Kordell Stewart didn't succeed over the long haul while Steve Young and Roger Staubach and Randall Cunningham did.

Either you learn to be an NFL quarterback and use your mobility to enhance those skills, or you become just another guy destined for those "remember him?" stories.

4. Tiger Woods isn't anywhere near "back," so I wish commentators and reporters would stop saying it every time he makes a spectacular shot or has a decent round.

We'll know Tiger is back when he wins a major. Period.

He judges himself by how he does in majors. Why should the rest of us judge him any differently?

3. Big win for my Lady Bucs, as we rebounded from our season-opening loss to handily defeat one of our archrivals, Providence Day.

Our defense was impenetrable in the second half, when we didn't allow a single point.

As I told the girls afterward: Nobody ever has lost a basketball game when shutting out the opponent.

2. Interesting that both the White Sox and Cardinals hired former players with no managing experience to replace World Series-winning skippers. Robin Ventura and Mike Matheny are born leaders, so it does make some sense.

It's a cool trend, and I hope it works.

1. In his first big move as new Cubbie Savior, Theo Epstein did something very different from his predecessors.

Jim Hendry and Andy MacPhail, feeling pressure from media and fans, always hired a big name -- a.k.a. "the best manager available": Lou Piniella, Dusty Baker, Don Baylor, Jim Riggleman. Each man had some good times but each ultimately failed.

Epstein could have pleased many fans (and followed the White Sox-Cardinals trend) by tabbing Ryne Sandberg. Instead, he went with a relative unknown, the beautifully bald Dale Sveum.

Then again, this being Cubbieland, does it really matter? They all come in full of life and they all go out in a figurative body bag.

After he fires Sveum in 2-3 years, I'll be curious to see who Epstein goes with next.

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Today's High Five

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5. It's never been more obvious that the NFL MVP is Peyton Manning.

How would you like to be paying big money for Colts season tickets this season?

And please ... I don't want to hear anybody say the Colts should try to lose to secure the draft rights to Andrew Luck. The Colts don't have to try to lose. They are quite accomplished at it.

4. Were I voting for guys actually playing this season, my midseason MVP ballot would read: Aaron Rodgers, Aaron Rodgers, Aaron Rodgers, Aaron Rodgers and Aaron Rodgers.

Followed (in no particular order) by Frank Gore, Calvin Johnson, Matt Forte and Matthew Stafford.

And then, finally, Aaron Rodgers.

3. Fox ran a graphic chronicling Tom Brady's comebacks when the Patriots have trailed or been tied late in games.

Um ... if the game was tied, how is that a comeback?

2. If you're like me, you're on pins and needles with this whole NBA lockout thing.

1. LSU coach Les Miles is right: His team's win over Alabama doesn't "prove" anything other than the fact that the Tigers have the upper hand in the SEC West.

The victory certainly doesn't prove LSU is the nation's best team. With the current system, there is no way to determine that. And, given the extreme limits of the BCS, there won't be any way to measure it come January, either.

It's just an opinion.

No matter who plays in the season's final game, it will be for nothing more than the mythical national title -- just as in the days when sportswriters and coaches chose the "champion" in polls.

At least back then, smart people didn't pretend something actually had been decided on the field of play.

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Albert's other 3 games. Also: ESPN announcing follies

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The Bald Truth

Albert Pujols is one of the best hitters of any era. Any team would love to have him.

That being said, his World Series has consisted of one monster game ... and three others in which he went a combined 0-for-10. His Cardinals lost two of those three while scoring four total runs.

So let's be content with calling Albert merely great, and let's hold off on the comparisons to Babe Ruth, Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky and Joe Montana, OK?

The Balder Truth

The Fraudulent Illini started the season 6-0 ... and very well could finish 6-6. But hey, at least they're bowl eligible! Time to extend Ron Zook's contract another five years.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

It would be hard to find a more entertaining sporting event than Saturday night's Michigan State-Wisconsin game, which featured numerous amazing plays and ended with a desperation TD heave that required several minutes of replay reviews before the Spartans were declared victorious.

The game -- especially the finish -- was so fantastic that it's a shame normally outstanding announcers Brent Musburger and Kirk Hirbstreit fell flat at the end.

Musburger kept calling the winning play a "miracle," as if he knew firsthand that God was getting Sparty and the points over Bucky Badger.

And Herbstreit offered this meaningless drivel disguised as analysis: "It comes down to a battle ... to see who wanted to win the game more."

Does Herbstreit really think Michigan State wanted the game more? Do people really think the Rams wanted to win the 2000 Super Bowl more than the Titans but didn't particularly want it two years later when they lost to the Patriots?

Such a declaration supposes something nobody possibly could know. While meant to praise the winner, it's a ringing indictment of the loser: If only he (or she or they) had just wanted it more.

It's a cliche, it offers no insight and Herbstreit knows better.

I mean, how many championships did he win as Ohio State QB? What's wrong? Didn't he want it badly enough?

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As Marv would say: Yesssss!

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Five Stumpers

(Hint: The answer is the opposite of no.)

5. With the Miami Hurricanes once again bad (the good bad, as opposed to the bad bad of recent years), is it time to hide the women and children?

4. When even Jody Gerut becomes a Cubbie-killer, isn't it really time to pull the plug on Lou's Losers?

3. Isn't Michael Crabtree the only one fooled by Crabtree's bluff that he'll re-enter the draft?

2. If the NBA and its refs don't avoid a contract dispute, won't Sir Charles have to find some other old coot to race?

1. Is Jerry Jones' ego the only thing on the planet larger than the Cowboys' new digs?