Tiger's new math is a tad too average

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Tiger Woods just wanted to break par. The TNT yakkers at the PGA Championship spent most of Thursday afternoon praising him for playing smart and accepting the occasional bogey. The media generally gave him high marks for his 1-under 71.

The consensus, including from the man himself: Tiger's not anywhere near back to being The Greatest Ever, but at least he isn't that impostor who had been showing up and playing as if he were John Daly on a bender.

That's all well and good, but if Tiger isn't Tiger, why should we all be so obsessed with Tiger?

Because he's Tiger, that's why!

But enough of this 1-under stuff, you know? Either go wild, get on a record pace and make the rest of the field cower in your presence ... or get wild, lose every other shot in the deep hay, throw a few clubs (preferably at Jim Gray), and make last week's performance seem like the good ol' days.

I don't want to have to get used to Tiger Woods just showing up and playing like any of about 100 other golfers.
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As Marv would say: Yesssss!

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Five Stumpers

(Hint: The answer is the opposite of no.)

5. With the Miami Hurricanes once again bad (the good bad, as opposed to the bad bad of recent years), is it time to hide the women and children?

4. When even Jody Gerut becomes a Cubbie-killer, isn't it really time to pull the plug on Lou's Losers?

3. Isn't Michael Crabtree the only one fooled by Crabtree's bluff that he'll re-enter the draft?

2. If the NBA and its refs don't avoid a contract dispute, won't Sir Charles have to find some other old coot to race?

1. Is Jerry Jones' ego the only thing on the planet larger than the Cowboys' new digs?

Gotta love that (bleeping) KG!

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The Bald Truth

Whether happy or sad, anguished or encouraged, excited or outraged, Kevin Garnett sure loves his f-bombs.

And even more, it seems, his m-f-bombs.

The guy's a 7-foot, black, athletic, male Patti Blagojevich, for (bleep's) sake!

Genteel lip-readers couldn't have been pleased Monday that TNT cameras kept zooming in on KG every time the injured Celtic screamed the f-word in any and all of its various forms.

Adjectives. Nouns. Verbs. Hyphenated qualifiers. 

KG had his whole vocabulary on display. And TNT captured it all for viewers big and small.

Something for everyone ... which, I guess, is what the NBA Cares campaign is all about.

The Balder Truth

Just when I thought it would be impossible to top Game 1, the Bulls-Celtics series got even more exciting in Game 2. 

Watching Ray Allen and Ben Gordon trading incredible clutch shots was like watching two in-their-prime middleweights trading haymakers.

As it turns out, Allen got in the last shot and was the last man standing.

In Game 1, a new Chicago sports legend officially was born, with Derrick Rose outdueling Rajon Rondo. It's just been great stuff, every bit as intense and entertaining as any basketball anywhere.

The Celtics are one missed Paul Pierce free throw from holding a 2-0 series lead. And the Bulls are one made Allen jumper from holding a 2-0 series lead. 

Appropriately, then, it's all tied at 1 ... and I'm already looking forward to Act Three at the United Center.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Taking a detour during their off-day in Baltimore, the White Sox visited the White House and met Barack Obama. 

The president shook hands and traded small talk with the players on his favorite team - and even granted reliever Octavio Dotel's request for a hug.

"Look at that!" screamed Sean Hannity. "As if it isn't bad enough that Obama is a militant Muslim socialist! There's all the proof you need that he's a gay militant Muslim socialist! We're all doomed! Doomed, I tell you!!!"