Basketball and football in the enlightened New South

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Wow, has it really been 3 weeks since I last posted? How time flies when I'm not feeling like writing for free.

It's a big week here in The New South.

Actually, North Carolina used to be The New South. Then we elected a bunch of enlightened gentlemen who have turned back the clock to a more genteel era -- when broads, coloreds, heathens and homos knew their places.

A couple of days ago, Bob Rucho, the Republican state representative who serves the area that includes my town of Matthews, took to Twitter to say this:

"Justice Robert's pen & Obamacare has done more damage to the USA then the swords of the Nazis, Soviets & terrorists combined."

That's right: In the space of 140 characters, this noble public servant managed to insult Jews, political prisoners, 9/11 victims and the grammar police. When numerous people -- including his own party's leadership -- suggested he might want to apologize, he doubled down and said he meant every misspelled, mispunctuated and misused word he twitted.

Yes, we sure are very refined here in The New South.

But I digress ...

Now where was I? Oh yeah. Big week.

First, my Eagles scored our first home victory of the season, and we go into the winter break with our first two-game winning streak. After an 0-2 start, we split our next two games before winning these last two in decisive fashion. More importantly, the girls are smart and coachable and really seem to be having fun. I'm already looking forward to January.

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I'm also looking forward to January to see how the Panthers do in the NFL playoffs. That's this week's other thang here in Charlotte (and, I admit, the thang that probably appeals to a few more folks).

If the Panthers take care of business at home Sunday and beat the Saints, they'll be in first place in the NFC South. They will clinch a playoff spot and will have the inside track on a first-round bye.

This is my fourth Panthers season as a North Carolinian, and it's been a blast to have the city be in such good spirits most Monday mornings. A top-notch NFL team has that kind of effect on its town.

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Meanwhile, I have less than two weeks to cast my Baseball Hall of Fame ballot. Last year's vote was a difficult one and this is even more challenging, loaded with a dozen all-time greats in their first or second years of eligibility. I've got my selections in mind but I've been preoccupied with basketball and haven't studied it yet. I'll be making my picks in the next few days and will be sure to post them here.

I'd wish everybody Happy Holidays now, but I'd hate to offend Bill O'Reilly and Sarah Palin with such a generic greeting. So instead I'll give them what they want:

"Merry Kwanzaa from The New South, y'all!"
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Today's High 5: From pigskin to politics

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5. On the 40th anniversary season of the undefeated Dolphins, it's cork-popping time again for Larry Csonka, Bob Griese, Don Shula, Nick Buoniconti & Co.: The last unbeaten team, Atlanta, fell to the Saints.

I was pretty sure the Falcons weren't about to go 19-0 when they needed about 10 lucky plays to beat "my" Carolina Panthers a few weeks back.

4. Time again for the annual debate about which college football teams get to play for the mythical national championship.

Wake me when the BCS is over.

3. Haven't posted lately because I've been doing other stuff, some of which I actually get paid for.

2. The college-basketball-on-an-aircraft-carrier experiment already has run its course.

There were supposed to be three such games over the weekend. Marquette vs. Ohio State had to be canceled because the court was too slippery. Georgetown and Florida managed to play a half before condensation on the court prematurely ended the game. And the Syracuse-San Diego State game that was postponed by rain Friday finally was played Sunday despite a broken shot clock, messed-up scoreboards, a defective court and windy conditions that barely made the game resemble basketball.

In all three cases, athletes, coaches and fans traveled a long way only to be disappointed.

I get it. We want to honor veterans and we want to create cool, interesting experiences.

There are ways to do that without putting athletes at danger and making a mockery of the game.

If the NCAA really wants to help those who have served our country, hold these games in large indoor facilities and donate all proceeds to veterans' causes.

1. I just can't get enough of Fox News these days.

It was my main source of Election Night coverage, and I have thoroughly enjoyed watching the Fair & Balanced Network since then. It's funnier than Saturday Night Live ... and its stars are better actors.

As if listening to Dick Morris explaining why he was slightly off on his prediction of a Mitt Romney landslide wasn't enough entertainment, there's been: Karl Rove blaming the Obama campaign for suppressing the vote; Rick Santorum saying the GOP's failing was not being extreme enough on social issues; Sean Hannity suddenly deciding Latino-friendly immigration reform would be a good thing; and various bloviators saying Barack Obama retained the presidency due to SuperStorm Sandy, the liberal media's Benghazi coverup, the one Black Panther who stood outside one polling place, broken voting machines, etc., etc., etc.

You know, maybe if the Republicans had put up a candidate who could carry the state where he was governor, the state where his dad was a popular governor, the state where he has his newest mansion and the state his running mate calls home, the election wouldn't have come down to conspiracies.

It's been quite an election season. I miss the fun GOP primaries. I miss crazy Michele "Vaccines Make Retards" Bachmann, Herman "9-9-9" Cain, Rick "Oops" Perry, Rick "What A Snob!" Santorum, Newt "Moon Colony" Gingrich and the rest of the gang.

Mitt Romney? I already don't miss him. 

The Best Liar Money Could Buy was a terrible candidate and he would have been a terrible president.

To this day, I can see why sane people would have voted against the very flawed Obama ... but I cannot for the life of me see why anybody not named Romney would have been excited to vote for Mitt, a man who believes in nothing and everything all at the same time.
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Rush Limbaugh eats babies?

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So my many advertisers don't abandon me, I'd like to apologize in advance.

See, I'm about to call Rush Limbaugh a disgusting, fat, vile slob who rapes little children and then eats their hearts, livers and kidneys. He washes down those internal organs (along with a half-dozen Oxycontin pills, of course) with human blood.

See, I already realize I didn't choose the best words to describe Mr. Limbaugh, the conscience and spokesman of today's GOP. What happened is that I got caught up with the vitriol spewed by those on the right, and I followed their lead. I should have been better than that.

Republican leaders -- men and women we entrust to run our country and take on our enemies abroad -- live in fear of Mr. Limbaugh, who could crush them by uttering one word about them on his radio show (not to mention by sitting on them). It's one of the many problems with our country today, but that doesn't mean I should be using insults and other incendiary language when describing him.

So believe me ... when I said that Mr. Limbaugh puts firecrackers into the anuses of puppies and then lights the fuses, what I really meant to say is that he merely is a drug-abusing hypocrite jerk who wants to play God.

Phew. I feel better already. And I'm sure my sponsors do, too.

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And speaking of idiocy bordering on evil ...

NFL commish Roger Goodell can't possibly come down hard enough on the Saints for giving their players financial incentives to injure opposing players during their title-winning 2009 season and other years.

Fines to the GM and the coach should reach into seven digits, the former defensive coordinator should be suspended for a year and every player involved should be suspended without pay for a minimum of four games. The franchise should lose at least two first-round draft picks and should be banned from next year's postseason.

The NFL should keep investigating to see if other teams from the recent past -- especially those that employed defensive coordinator Gregg Williams -- also engaged in the "bounty pool" practice and should punish them accordingly.

With Williams egging them on, Saints players pooled their money to create a bounty system that rewarded players with $1,000 for "cart-offs" and $1,500 for "knockouts." The Saints targeted specific opponents, among them Kurt Warner and Brett Favre.

Sick.

Football is violent enough. (And we love that about it, don't we?) But to reward players with money for purposely injuring opponents is as immoral an act as anything that has taken place in recent sports history. It is significantly worse than Spygate -- and that was pretty bad.

Goodell has made a name for himself as the toughest sheriff around, doling out significant punishment for relatively minor infractions. If he's willing to fine a player $10,000 for celebrating in the end zone, he certainly should be willing to fine a player 10 or even 100 times that for aiming to deliberately hurt fellow players.

Here is Goodell's chance to show his disciplinary program is for real and not just for show.

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Rating QBs ... from Tebow to Rodgers to Romo to Hanie

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Nobody says "The check's in the mail" any more. For one thing, nobody under the age of 80 writes checks. And pretty much nobody mails anything other than junk.

Another saying that should go into permanent hiatus: "The quarterback gets too much credit when you win and too much blame when you lose."

QB is the single most important position in team sports. (You might say hockey goalie, but let's stick to sports that people actually watch.) A team with a great quarterback has a chance to excel and a team that lacks even a good quarterback has little chance at all. Of course, there have been a few exceptions over the years in the NFL. Very few.

The QB handles the football on every play, makes dozens upon dozens of critical in-game decisions and must execute every play properly -- be it a handoff, pitch or pass -- for an offense to function. When a close game comes down to crunch time, the ability and demeanor of the quarterback usually is the one deciding factor.

Fact is, the QB never can get too much credit or blame.

I still don't think Tim Tebow can be a winning QB in the NFL over time, but he deserves credit for the Broncos' surprising success during the eight-week stretch that put them in position to back into the playoffs. And Tebow deserves at least as much blame for the team's complete collapse during the final three weeks.

If he and his passionate-bordering-on-bonkers fans don't think such scrutiny is fair, Tebow should become a linebacker or tight end.

Which, by the way, would be better positions for him.

But enough about Tim Tebow for today. There are plenty of other QBs to talk about now that the regular season has ended:

TOM BRADY: It's hard to imagine choosing another quarterback if you have to win one game.

DREW BREES: Unless it's this guy, who is almost impossibly accurate. He and the Saints are too much fun to watch.

AARON RODGERS: Then again, maybe it's this guy, the shoo-in for league MVP. If there's a Mount Rushmore of today's ridiculously good quarterbacks, Rodgers, Brees and Brady are the equivalent of Washington, Jefferson and Lincoln.

PEYTON MANNING: The perfect example of the importance of having a great QB. But he isn't healthy, so right now Teddy Roosevelt would have to be ...

BEN ROETHLISBERGER: I'm fairly sure he's a jerk, and he rarely looks pretty on the field. But he has won two Super Bowls and he's got a decent chance for a third. He plays tough, he plays hurt and he usually plays really well.

ELI MANNING: Were I a Giants fan, I'd love to hate this guy. For big chunks of every game, he plays ugly. But he absolutely carried the team this year and he has a knack for pulling games out at the end. In that way, he's similar to Tebow. Except Eli's actually a QB.

MARK SANCHEZ: By far, New Jersey's worst pro QB.

CAM NEWTON: A young Steve Young, but already as polished a passer as Young became well into his career. I actually looked forward to Panthers games every week just to watch this guy.

PHILIP RIVERS: Just good enough to be not quite great enough for a Chargers team that never has quite enough.

CARSON PALMER: Still waiting to see what all the hype is about.

MIKE VICK: The rest of the NFC is glad Vick and his Philly teammates didn't realize the lockout had ended until the season was 12 weeks old.

TONY ROMO: You know this guy is talented, but there's just something missing. He's sort of Eli Manning's opposite because he far too often finds a way to lose.

REX GROSSMAN: A very, very, very poor man's Romo.

KYLE ORTON: After coming off the scrap heap to lead the Chiefs to victory over the Packers, and then helping knock off Tebow in the season finale, Orton probably earned a very nice paycheck for himself next season. And speaking of guys who earned a big payday ...

MATT FLYNN: Aaron Who? Brett Who?

MATTHEW STAFFORD: Looks like he can be pretty special, at least as long as he can stay healthy -- and as long as Calvin Johnson is on the field with him.

MATT SCHAUB: A shame he got hurt just as the Texans were starting to get good.

ALEX SMITH: Finally came into his own in San Fran under Jim Harbaugh. I'm looking forward to seeing how he does under playoff pressure.

ANDY DALTON: Obviously skilled ... but will he be more than Carson Palmer?

SAM BRADFORD: Not enough information to know if he's a superstar in the making or an injury-prone bust in the making.

CHRISTIAN PONDER: A great big "We'll see."

JOE FLACCO: Eli Manning Lite.

JAY CUTLER: Another Romo-type who can make all the plays but often doesn't. Still, Chicago fans learned the hard way this year that there are a lot worse QBs than Cutler. Such as ...

CALEB HANIE: Sure, I'll have fries with that.

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Today's High 5 - Super Bowl XLV Edition

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5. To excuse-making coaches, GMs, owners, players and fans in every sport and every city:

The 2010 Green Bay Packers were your worst nightmare.

They lost 15 guys to injury during the season, including some of their best players. Nevertheless, they won five straight games down the stretch, including three straight road playoff games. Then, in the Super Bowl, they lost No. 1 defensive back Charles Woodson and offensive stalwart Donald Driver but still beat a good Steelers team to win it all.

More than ever, excuses are for losers. And for driving that point home, we all should thank the Packers.

4. When it comes to truly great NFL QBs, you've got Brady, Manning, Brees and Aaron Rodgers.

Not necessarily in that order.

3. Ben Roethlisberger threw two INTs that led directly to Green Bay TDs. He tried to rally the Steelers but failed miserably on the final drive.

Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

Big Bad Ben is bound to be pretty upset for the next few months, so I recommend keeping your daughters, sisters, nieces, mothers and grandmas somewhere very safe.

2. That was quite a shot at the end of the game of 325-pound Steelers DT Casey Hampton dejectedly walking off the field with his belt undone and his massive gut protruding from under his jersey.

For the record, Fox had a strong game, providing many outstanding camera angles of big plays to go along with Troy Aikman's always insightful commentary.

1. Was it just me, or were the commercials especially lame this year?

Oh, and can we please just declare Bruce Springsteen an American Treasure and beg him to do the halftime show every year until he's 80 or so?
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Today's High 5 - NFL Playoff Edition

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5. Just wondering if Cam Newton's father will be his agent in the NFL, too. And, if so, will Mr. Newton manage to get his son even more money than he did at the Triple-A level?

4. Ray Lewis vs. Ben Roethlisberger ... now there's a matchup of upstanding citizens. Can we root for both buses to run out of gas on the way to the stadium? As good as the Steelers are, they were no better at home this season (5-3) than the Ravens were on the road. So I'm smelling a road upset here. Either that, or Troy Polamalu needs to change shampoo brands again. Ravens 20, Steelers 19.

3. If the Packers really do have a running game, as certainly seemed to be the case in their playoff opener, they could run the table this postseason. Aaron Rodgers and their D are that good. Won't be easy to win in Atlanta, though. I mean, just ask any of the Atlanta franchises how difficult it is to win playoff games there! Packers 24, Falcons 20.

2. Despite going 7-9, the Seahawks got to host the Saints in their playoff opener. If only they had gone 4-12, they'd have gotten to host the Bears this Sunday, too. I'm trying to figure out if there is any possible way the Bears can blow this one, and I'm failing. We'll see if Jay Cutler proves me wrong by throwing to the same DB 4 times. Bears 27, Seahawks 10.

1. Gotta love all the trash-talking leading up to the Jets-Pats game. But enough about Rex Ryan. Given that Mark Sanchez usually messes up about four times a game ... and Tom Brady doesn't ... I'm going with Brady. Besides, without that player-tripping dude on their sideline, what chance do the Jets really have? Patriots 23, Jets 13.
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How 'bout a Big Mac for Thanksgiving?

Thanksgiving is all about tradition, so I'm back with my 13th edition of Turkey of the Year.

This tradition dates back to 1998, when Michael McCaskey had so mismanaged the Bears that his mommy took the team presidency away from him and sent him to his room without supper.

Since then, a veritable Who's Who of losers, lunkheads, dopers, dorks, bullies and boors have earned Top Turkey honors: Jerry Krause (1999); Bobby Knight (2000); David Wells & Frank Thomas (2001); Dick Jauron (2002); Sammy Sosa (2003 and 2004); Andy MacPhail, Jim Hendry & Dusty Baker (2005); Aramis Ramirez (2006); Charlie Weis (2007); Choking Cubbies (2008); Milton Bradley (2009).

You'll notice that most of those fine folks had Chicago connections. Even Knight (Big Ten) and Weis (Notre Dame) were in the region. That's because I columnized and blogged mostly about Chicago sports during those years.

Now that I'm a man of the world (North Carolina is part of the world, right?), the 2010 Turkey Countdown has a much different look.

As always, I dedicate this tradition to my absent friend, Gene Seymour, my Copley columnist predecessor and one of the great guys I ever encountered in journalism.

So let's get to it ...

10. OMAR MINAYA. Architect of the most expensive losers in baseball. Hey, at least the Mets were champs of something during Minaya's run as General Mismanager!

9. BOBBY KNIGHT. Mr. I Hate The Media is now part of the media. And on this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful that most members of the sports media are better at their jobs than Bobby is at his. The man is so awful as an ESPN analyst that I find myself wishing Dickie V were on the telecast instead. Really.

8. BRETT FAVRE. Seems the only thing he can make up his mind about is being a sleazebag.

7. MLB UMPS. I get that they have a tough job and that it's almost unfair to judge them based upon super-slo-mo replays. But these guys are so routinely bad that it's almost surprising when they get big calls right. And unlike Jim Joyce, most umps take no responsibility for their incompetence.

6. PETE CARROLL and REGGIE BUSH. They teamed up to do what no opponent could: bring USC football to its knees. They didn't even stick around to deal with the carnage they wrought, having bolted for the big bucks of the NFL. Makes you want to tell Reggie what he can do with that trophy.

5. BEN ROETHLISBERGER. Big Ben ... Good QB ... Bad Guy.

4. BRUCE PEARL. Years after he ratted out a dirty Illinois program, we learn that he's been running an even dirtier program at Tennessee. Wearing ugly orange blazers isn't punishment enough for this phony jerk.

3. LeBRON JAMES. Put on one of the most unnecessary, self-serving productions in the history of the world. But at least his talents have helped the Heat to an 8-7 start.

2. TIGER WOODS. Marriage? Over. PGA Tour victories? Zip. Ryder Cup? Back in Europe. New endorsement deals? Nada. No. 1 ranking? Now belongs to Lee Westwood. Talk about a rough year for the guy who had been the world's dominant athlete for more than a decade. I guess only bad things happen when a guy can't control his Eldrick.

And now ... drumstick roll, please ... the 2010 Turkey of the Year:

MARK McGWIRE.

Big Mac finally admitted he spent years juicing - and spent years lying about it. But even his admission was full of misleading statements.

He claimed he only juiced so he could stay healthy enough to play but then said his juicing had nothing to do with his home-run totals. Uh ... hello? How do you get the HRs without staying on the field? It's hard to believe McGwire was too stupid to make the connection, so we'll just assume he was being his deceitful self.

He obviously came clean for only two reasons: One, to clear his conscience. And two, to get the job as Cardinals hitting coach for his Chief Enabler, Tony La Russa. McGwire then worked wonders with St. Louis batters, who finished in the middle of the pack in most categories. Remember: This is a group that includes the best hitter in baseball.

Redbird bats really slumbered down the stretch. And as McGwire's charges faded, the Cardinals handed Cincinnati the division title.

Sadly, Cardinals fans - who like to call themselves baseball's best - took every opportunity to cheer their beloved cheater, liar and fraud.

Turns out, they got exactly what they deserved in 2010.
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Brilliant ... and lucky, too

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Everybody has only great things to say about Mark Dantonio, and not just because they feel sorry that the Michigan State coach suffered a heart attack shortly after his Spartans beat Notre Dame.

Dantonio has "guts" and "courage" because he called for a fake field goal in overtime. And the TD pass that resulted from his gutsy, courageous call gave Michigan State the win.

The following day, Redskins kicker Graham Gano apparently booted a winning 52-yard field goal in OT. But Texans coach Gary Kubiak had called time out just before the snap and Gano had to try again. The next time, he missed badly, and the Texans ended up winning.

And let's go back to the Super Bowl, when Sean Payton had his Saints attempt an onside kick to start the second half. They recovered, captured momentum and went on to stun the Colts.

So, Payton, Kubiak and Dantonio are brave and brilliant and ballsy.

That's cool. But what would they have been had the Colts recovered the onside kick ... Gano missed the first kick but made the second ... and Sparty's fake field goal failed?

Stupid and silly and sucked in by the lure of gimmick plays, that's what.

Ah, the line between genius and goofball. It's finer than ever, isn't it?

Pujols will get chance to let deeds match words

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Got a kick out of Albert Pujols scolding Colby Rasmus after the kid outfielder said he wanted out of St. Louis. Guess that means Prince Albert will be loyal to St. Louis even if the Cardinals ultimately decide against committing 25 percent of their payroll to him.

Glad to hear that the Heisman folks are going to take Reggie Bush's trophy away. Meanwhile, O.J. Simpson will remain a proud Heismanite. Seems it's much worse to take payola from an agent than to kill two people in cold blood. (Allegedly, of course.)

Just heard that Richie Daley isn't running for reelection. Jeesh. If I knew that was coming, I would have stayed in Chicago and run for mayor.
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Just three more steps and I'm calling you for traveling!

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The Bald Truth

Absolutely thrilled that the NBA and its referees have agreed on a new contract.

It will be nice to hear the players stop whining about the horrible replacement refs so they can get back to whining about the horrible regular refs.

The Balder Truth

With Ozzie Guillen set to do TV work during the World Series, word is that Fox will be using new technology they're calling "double-strength 7-second delay."

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Prediction time: The Vikings will lose in Pittsburgh and the Saints will fall in Miami, leaving only the Broncos and Colts with unbeaten records.

The Broncos have a bye this week. And the Colts have something even better than a bye - a practice game against the Rams.

Stallworth, like Vick, can show he deserves second chance

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The Bald Truth

The Browns won't commit to bringing Donte' Stallworth back next season. Fair enough. He has to earn their trust.

I applaud NFL commissioner Roger Goodell for doing what the courts were afraid to do: punish Stallworth harshly for getting drunk, getting behind the wheel of a car and killing an innocent man. The one-year suspension without pay won't bring the victim back to life, but at least it's something real - as opposed to the 24-day jail sentence Stallworth served.

I also applaud Stallworth. He could have reacted any number of ways after the suspension was handed down Thursday. He could have been irate. He could have acted as if he were the victim. He could have made noise about appealing, either through the union or the courts.

Instead, he issued this statement:

"Regardless of the length of my suspension, I will carry the burden of (the victim's) death for the rest of my life. I urge NFL fans not to judge NFL players or me based on my tragic lapse in judgment. I am a good person who did a bad thing. I will use the period of my suspension to reflect, fulfill my obligations, and use this experience to make a positive impact on the lives of those who look up to NFL players."

Maybe he took that tone just to save his career, but at least he took it.

If he comes out of this a better person, he will deserve a chance to do what he does best - if not for Cleveland, than for another team.

The Quote

"He gave Lou exactly what he needed - a deep outing." - Cubs broadcaster Bob Brenly as Ryan Dempster neared the end of a seven-inning, six-run, two-HR, eight-hit outing in Thursday's 6-1 loss to the Phillies.

Really?

Hey, I'm a big Bob Brenly fan because he tells it like it is more often than just about any team announcer in the bigs ... but really?

A $52 million pitcher gives up six runs to fall to 6-6 with a 4.23 ERA for a team that is crashing and burning, and he gets a big thumbs-up just because he labored through seven innings in yet another lopsided defeat for Lou Piniella's losers?

I understand that the Cubs scored only once and that the result was hardly Dempster's fault, but does he really deserve praise for pitching seven innings of batting practice?

How in the name of Bob Gibson, Tom Seaver and Sandy Koufax did actual performances on the mound become secondary to eating innings?

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Even if Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie was motivated at least in part by his desire to steal some thunder from the Phillies, his signing of convicted dog torturer Michael Vick showed guts and compassion.

My longtime readers know I'm a big believer in second chances. Vick committed a heinous crime and served a long sentence. He has been apologetic and humble.

The ultimate goal of incarceration is to rehabilitate criminals, to make them valuable contributors to society.

Lurie obviously knows PETA will be out in full force, picketing Eagles games to draw attention to their cause. Well, if the PETA folks would look at the big picture, they would realize that having Vick campaign publicly against inhumane treatment of animals - as he says he will - is far more valuable than having him manage a Waffle House in Podunk.

As for the football side of it, I'm a little surprised Vick landed in Philly, where Donovan McNabb just got a lucrative contract extension and where coach Andy Reid benched McNabb at one point last season in favor of supposed QB of the future Kevin Kolb.

So either Reid is no longer very high on Kolb or the coach is intrigued by the many roles Vick can play in the offense (or maybe a little of both).

Whatever the reason, I'm glad to see our legal system working properly.

Now, here's hoping that a Falcon turned Eagle truly will spread his wings and take flight.

Become a solid citizen, Mr. Vick, and prove you deserve the tremendous second chance you have received.

Stop the press! Urlacher tells truth about himself

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The Bald Truth

Last year, anybody who dared say that Brian Urlacher was playing poorly got an earful from the Bears' proud middle linebacker.

Also, from Lovie Smith, Jerry Angelo, Bob Babich (Lovie's defensive coordinator wannabe), Lance Briggs, Peanut Tillman and from pretty much everybody who had anything to do with the team - including Staley, Mrs. McCaskey and the Galloping Ghost's ghost.

How dare we look at Brian The Great and view him as Brian The OK?

So I found it most interesting that, in a one-on-one interview with Tribune football writer Dan Pompei, Urlacher admitted he "got pushed around at times" last season.

"I wasn't happy with last year, put it that way. It wasn't one of those years I'll look back on and remember as a good year."

What? Didn't Brian get the memo that he could do no wrong?

Now 31, he has pronounced himself healthy, happy and rarin' to go. That must sound good to the intelligent Bear fans who know it was the defense - not the much-maligned offense - that most often condemned the team to defeat last season.

Because I'm an objective skeptic and not a fan, I think I'll wait until October or so to see if Urlacher had the right to declare, "I'm back" ... or if Michael Jordan should sue him for plagiarism.

The Quote

"Well, we've had a lot of injuries this year, Tony. We don't use that as an excuse, but ... " - Lou Piniella on Wednesday's "Pardon the Interruption."

Oh no, the Cubbie skipper never uses injuries as an excuse.

Except pretty much every day.

The Balder Truth

There's a reason Kyle Lohse has an 82-87 career record with a 4.67 ERA.

So if the Cardinals are waiting for the guy who went 15-6 with a 3.78 ERA last year, they might have a long wait.

For all the good work GM John Mozeliak did leading up to the trading deadline, the Cards still might find themselves an arm or two short at summer's end.

Archie's Boy/Peyton's Bro

Six years, $97 million? Good for you, Eli Manning!

That's a pretty nice haul for a guy who isn't even one of the top two QBs in his own family.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Twenty-six years ago, a sweet, young Chicago woman named Roberta Palenica took a chance on a slightly overweight, extremely hairy, cocky, loud, East Coast knucklehead named Mike Nadel.

I'm glad she didn't think about it too much back on Aug. 6, 1983. Because if she had, she might have said: "I don't."

In the 26 years since, I've gotten a little thinner, a lot balder and, yes, even a little quieter (but only a little). My Robbie? She's more gorgeous now than ever. Really.

Here we are just a couple months ago at a Roger Clyne & The Peacemakers concert. What ever happened to the theory that men age more gracefully than women?

Anyway, I just want to wish my beautiful bride a Happy Anniversary and thank her for thinking I was an acceptable catch instead of throwing me back!