So my many advertisers don't abandon me, I'd like to apologize in advance.
See, I'm about to call Rush Limbaugh a disgusting, fat, vile slob who rapes little children and then eats their hearts, livers and kidneys. He washes down those internal organs (along with a half-dozen Oxycontin pills, of course) with human blood.
See, I already realize I didn't choose the best words to describe Mr. Limbaugh, the conscience and spokesman of today's GOP. What happened is that I got caught up with the vitriol spewed by those on the right, and I followed their lead. I should have been better than that.
Republican leaders -- men and women we entrust to run our country and take on our enemies abroad -- live in fear of Mr. Limbaugh, who could crush them by uttering one word about them on his radio show (not to mention by sitting on them). It's one of the many problems with our country today, but that doesn't mean I should be using insults and other incendiary language when describing him.
So believe me ... when I said that Mr. Limbaugh puts firecrackers into the anuses of puppies and then lights the fuses, what I really meant to say is that he merely is a drug-abusing hypocrite jerk who wants to play God.
Phew. I feel better already. And I'm sure my sponsors do, too.
And speaking of idiocy bordering on evil ...
NFL commish Roger Goodell can't possibly come down hard enough on the Saints for giving their players financial incentives to injure opposing players during their title-winning 2009 season and other years.
Fines to the GM and the coach should reach into seven digits, the former defensive coordinator should be suspended for a year and every player involved should be suspended without pay for a minimum of four games. The franchise should lose at least two first-round draft picks and should be banned from next year's postseason.
The NFL should keep investigating to see if other teams from the recent past -- especially those that employed defensive coordinator Gregg Williams -- also engaged in the "bounty pool" practice and should punish them accordingly.
With Williams egging them on, Saints players pooled their money to create a bounty system that rewarded players with $1,000 for "cart-offs" and $1,500 for "knockouts." The Saints targeted specific opponents, among them Kurt Warner and Brett Favre.
Football is violent enough. (And we love that about it, don't we?) But to reward players with money for purposely injuring opponents is as immoral an act as anything that has taken place in recent sports history. It is significantly worse than Spygate -- and that was pretty bad.
Goodell has made a name for himself as the toughest sheriff around, doling out significant punishment for relatively minor infractions. If he's willing to fine a player $10,000 for celebrating in the end zone, he certainly should be willing to fine a player 10 or even 100 times that for aiming to deliberately hurt fellow players.
Here is Goodell's chance to show his disciplinary program is for real and not just for show.