5. Kentucky, Kansas, Louisville, Ohio State reach the Final Four.
So nice to see these downtrodden programs finally succeed on the national stage. Everybody loves an underdog.
4. Family members, black leaders, athletes, entertainers and millions of regular folks seek justice in the killing of Trayvon Martin.
Come on, people ... lighten up. Had vigilante shooter George Zimmerman been black and had the innocent, unarmed victim been white, I'm sure Zimmerman still would be free today to calmly explain his actions as self-defense. Right? Right?
3. James Cameron takes his personal submarine to the Mariana Trench, traveling 35,756 feet below sea level in a plunge of historic proportions.
The Titanic director admits that the tremendous water pressure exerted on the sub "is in the back of your mind." No doubt. The Associated Press said the pressure was "the equivalent of having three SUVs sitting on your toe." Mitt Romney's summer-home valet certainly can attest to the discomfort of that situation.
2. Tiger Woods wins a tournament at long last.
Thank goodness. Now he'll be able to pay the rent.
1. Dick Cheney gets a new heart.
Insert your own punchline here.