From incomplete Bull to goofy golf

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It's hard to blame Reinsdorf & Co. for failing to land any of LeBron, D-Wade or Bosh. I mean, they had to take the chance and all it really cost them was Kirk Hinrich, Ben Gordon and a decent chunk of self-esteem.

It's not like 1998, when they ran the best coach in history, the best player in history and perhaps the best sidekick in history out of town - thus breaking up one of the best dynasties in history at least a half-decade prematurely - so they could get lousy and load up on high draft picks and free agents only to end up with Curry, Fizer, Floyd and Mercer.

And Kornel David, of course.

Oh, and don't forget that the Bulls could have had D-Wade all this time but Pax refused to trade Donyell Marshall for the right to move up in the '03 draft. How'd that work out?

On a more important note ...

One reason I like golf is that something unique seems to happen every round. I got an urge to play a quick 9 Wednesday so I went to the closest park district course. I got paired with 3 other guys and it was fun - albeit hot as h-e-double-hockey-sticks.

Anyway, we got to the 8th hole, a short par-3. One of the guys put his tee shot on the back of the huge green, which would have been great except the flag was at the front, about 65-70 feet away.

Eventually, the other 3 of us joined him on the green and as he walked up to his ball, I laughed and said: "That's a gimme. Pick it up."

And you know what? He did. Put the ball in his pocket and walked away. Pretty sure he marked a 2 down on his scorecard, too.

Jeesh. Even Tiger doesn't try that kind of cheating.

Bullish on Jax, less so on Pax

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Let's take a look at the Dynastic Bull Scorecard, shall we?

10 - Phil Jackson, already with 10 NBA titles as a coach and 2 as a player, is closing in on the baker's dozen.

9 - Steve Kerr's Suns finally beat those dastardly Spurs and advanced to the Western Conference finals.

8 - B.J. Armstrong became an agent and quickly landed Derrick Rose as a client. Last month, B.J. sold his Highland Park mansion to new Bears savior Julius Peppers. Ca-ching, ca-ching, ca-ching!

7 - Scottie Pippen soon will be enshrined in the Hall of Fame.

6 - Bill Cartwright, cast aside by "buddy" John Paxson 7 years ago, is an assistant coach for the high-flying Suns.

5 - Michael Jordan's Bobcats scrapped their way into the playoffs but promptly got swept out.

4 - Luc Longley is a rich, happy, 7-foot surfer dude in Australia, mate.

3 - Bill Wennington is the only coherent member of the ex-Bulls big men announcer troika that also includes Stacey King and Dickey Simpkins.

2 - Dennis Rodman occasionally still finds some dupe to give him money just for being That Wacky Old Worm. When he's not being hauled off to jail for copping a feel at some Vegas bar, that is.

1 - Jerry Krause has been hired as an international scout by the White Sox and, sources say, is closing in on Dominican baseball's Dragan Tarlac.

0 - John Paxson turned the Bulls into laughingstocks, went into hiding and then crawled out from under his rock just long enough to make a martyr out of Vinny Del Negro.

Limiting Bulls to Van Gundys, Fratellos would be silly

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We could start and end with Phil Jackson and our case would be made, but that would be no fun. So let's continue with ...

Gregg Popovich ... Rudy Tomjanovich ... Pat Riley ... Tom Heinsohn ... Bill Russell ... Al Attles ... Larry Costello ...

Yes, each of those coaches won a championship - many won multiple championships - for the franchise that gave him his first NBA head-coaching job.

And I'm not even counting Chuck Daly, who coached Cleveland to a 9-32 half-season record as an interim before the Pistons took a chance on him and were rewarded with two titles. Nor am I counting the many coaches who, while leading their first NBA team, led their franchises to the Finals but lost.

So for all of those who say the Bulls absolutely must hire a guy who already has been an NBA head coach - a.k.a. a retread - I answer only with a question:

Why?

Why have a knee-jerk reaction to the Vinny debacle, forgetting that he never had been so much as an assistant JV high school coach when John Paxson and Jerry Reinsdorf fell in love with him?

Why not consider all of the outstanding NBA assistants who are ready to take the next step?

Why limit the field by excluding guys who might turn out to be the next Phil Jackson or Pat Riley or Gregg Popovich?

OK, that was four questions. Shoot me with a Taser.

"Vinny, vidi, vici" again for brainless Bulls?

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You might think John Paxson and Jerry Reinsdorf are as clueless as a couple of teenage virgins at a bra-unhooking convention, but believe me: The Bulls Braintrust does have a plan for this edition of the semiannual coaching search.

They will take forever ... they will interview everybody who even knows what a basketball looks like ... they will come close to hiring somebody competent but find all kinds of reasons not to hire him ... and they ultimately will settle on a guy who has never coached on any level, not even 2nd grade bitty-ball.

I mean, that plan worked to perfection last time, so what could go wrong?

Better for Bulls to look good than to play good

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LeBron sure would look good in a Bulls uniform. Too bad it will never happen, even if he begs the Bulls to take him and even if he offers to give them a bargain.

Paxson and Reinsdorf have that no-headband policy, you know, and God knows it's more important to enforce idiotic policies that have nothing to do with anything than field a representative team.

As for Joakim Noah saying all that silly (and mostly accurate) stuff about Cleveland ... who cares? What Noah says is the least of the Bulls' problems. If everybody on the Bulls was as "distracted" as Noah, maybe the team wouldn't be the epitome of mediocrity.