Kobe-Artest will make Kobe-Shaq seem like love-in

^

The Bald Truth

You gotta love the news that Ron Artest is joining the L.A. Lakers.

That means instead of Kobe getting pissed off four times a year at opponent Artest, Kobe gets to be pissed off 100 times a year at teammate Artest.

It also means Phil Jackson really has something to think about before making that final decision about his future in coaching. (UPDATE - Fri 7/3/09: Phil has decided to come back. Can't wait to see what book he assigns Artest at the start of the first road trip. "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest," perhaps?)

Mostly, it means Artest's rap career is about to take off big-time. I mean, look at what being in L.A. did for the vocal stylings of William Shatner!

The Balder Truth

I wonder what the other owners think about MLB having to lend $15 million to Rangers owner Tom Hicks - the guy who just a few years ago bid against himself to give Alex Rodriguez a $252 million contract.

Hicks is trying to sell majority ownership in the franchise. Word is, A-Roid has offered him $15 million and a lifetime supply of syringes.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

I've got my new favorite athlete and - get this! - he's a soccer player.

Just a few days after helping Team U.S.A. almost win the Confederations Cup - a tournament so huge it ranks as the sport's version of the Chick-fil-A Bowl - Landon Donovan ripped into Mr. Spice himself, David Beckham.

"If someone’s paying you more than anybody in the league, more than double anybody in the league, the least we expect is that you show up to every game ... " Donovan said in a soon-to-be-released book called The Beckham Experiment.

"Show up and train hard. Show up and play hard. I can’t think of another guy where I’d say he wasn’t a good teammate ... but with (Beckham) I’d say no, he wasn’t committed."

Beckham and Donovan have been teammates with the Los Angeles Galaxy. Beckham, the famed British sports icon, is being paid about $6.5 million a year by the Major League Soccer team - more than seven times the haul of Donovan, the league's fifth-highest-paid player.

Becks - as the London tabloids call him - was supposed to help popularize soccer in the United States.

Yeah, right.

One reason that hasn't happened: Soccer never will be popular here as a spectator sport because we prefer games in which a 2-1 final isn't considered a high-scoring rout.

Another reason: Beckham pays precious little attention to U.S. soccer, so why should we?

These days, Becks is on loan to European team AC Milan and isn't due to rejoin Donovan and the Galaxy for another two weeks. He had tried to get out of the contract altogether but couldn't.

In an excerpt of the Grant Wahl-authored book published in this week's Sports Illustrated, Beckham also is characterized as a cheapskate, refusing to pick up meal checks for Galaxy teammates who earn barely-poverty-level wages.

Apparently, nobody ever will be encouraged to Spend It Like Beckham.

So bravo, Landon Donovan.

Now go take up a sport that people actually care about. Ever think about trying your hand (and foot) at ultimate fighting?

12 years for Hossa? It only seems like a long time

^

The List

The economy has tanked, right? Well, apparently not in the NHL, where the Blackhawks just handed out a 12-year, multi-gajillion-dollar contract to Marian Hossa. 

Twelve years! 

The deal doesn't expire until after the 2020-21 season, which has to be the longest any franchise in any sport has committed to one today's athletes. Hossa will be 42 by then.

Here are 12 things certain to happen in those dozen years:

1. Twitter becomes ancient history, replaced by Thoughter - the process by which we communicate to each other through brainwaves alone. Only 140 characters at a time, please.

2. Princess Sasha takes over the U.S. throne from King Barack.

3. In a dramatic reversal, the medical community says anabolic steroids are essential to the health and well-being of every human. Steroids replace flouride in the water we drink. Athletes are suspended for refusing to take performance-enhancing drugs. Bryce Harper, a one-time phenom who has bulked up to 255 pounds of pure muscle, becomes the first big-league ballplayer to hit 100 home runs in a season. Syringes are available in vending machines at every high school. Jose Canseco is elected MLB commissioner.   

4. After democracy wins out in Iran, the country merges with Iraq. And the great nation of Iranq becomes one of our most loyal allies.

5. Led by manager Ozzie Guillen, the Cubs win their seventh World Series.

6. The Toyota Prius is declared illegal in the U.S. by Princess Sasha, who says: "Sorry, but hybrids use too much fuel."

7. Patrick Kane will be a third of the way through his 24-year contract. But he still can't grow a playoff beard.

8. Fresh out of federal prison, Rod Blagojevich wins American Idol with his flawless performance of Michael Jackson's Thriller.

9. Boise State emerges from the first-ever NCAA Division I football playoffs to win the national title. Raking in $100 million for each of their institutions, presidents from the six major conferences wonder what took them so long to blow up the BCS. 

10. After ceasing to exist for six years, newspapers make a dramatic comeback because readers missed Hagar The Horrible too damn much.

11. At 95, Joe Paterno signs what Penn State is calling "perhaps his last three-year contract extension."

12. Marian Hossa is the unanimous choice as the greatest hockey player of all time and is enshrined in the sport's Hall of Fame even though he's still an active player. His presenter is Wayne Gretzky, now known merely as "The Very Good One." 

The Bald Truth

With a huge victory over the mighty Buccos, the Cubs have convinced me that they'll win the vast majority of their remaining games as long as ...

++Lou Piniella gets ejected every day.

++Randy Wells can make 60 or so starts.

++The Cubs eat the rest of Alfonso Soriano's contract so Sam Fuld can be their left fielder and leadoff hitter.

++Kosuke Fukudome bats, say, .600 from here on in.

++Aramis Ramirez stays healthy through the rest of the regular season, positioning himself perfectly to go 0-for-12 in the playoffs.

The Balder Truth

As a guy who has seen a lot of Bulls games these last five years, I already miss watching Ben Gordon dribble 23 seconds off the clock before hoisting a 27-foot fadeaway.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Last July, the Brewers pulled within a game of the Cubs going into a four-game series at Miller Park. Riding high from their recent acquisition of CC Sabathia, the Brewers were ready to send a message to Cubbieland: We're in the race to stay. 

Four days and one Cubs sweep later, Bernie Brewer had to enter detox.

Flash forward to this weekend: Starting Thursday, the Cubs and Brewers will meet at Wrigley Field for a four-game series. Somehow, the Cubs have stayed in the division race, trailing the Brewers by only 3 1/2 games despite being baseball's biggest underachievers. 

Another Cubs sweep and they'll be in first place (or close to it, depending upon what the Cardinals and Reds do). 

But if the Brewers do in Chicago what the Cubs did in Milwaukee in July 2008 ... well, let's just say it will be open season on Gatorade coolers in the Cubbie dugout.

Managing to seem idiotic

^

The Bald Truth

Lou is No. 1! Ozzie is No. 2!  And apparently, if they were managers, then would come Kim Jong-il, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Satan.

According to a Sports Illustrated survey of 380 ballplayers, Lou Piniella was chosen as the worst guy to play for (26 percent), followed by Ozzie Guillen (21 percent).

"I take that as a compliment," Lou said.

I take it for what it is - silliness. 

Ever since Piniella became the Cubbie skipper, players from every corner of the baseball world - even Japan - have begged to join Lou's Lovable Losers. Maybe it's despite him, maybe it's not, but they sure have wanted to take the Cubs' money to be on Lou's crew.

What is supposed to be so bad about Piniella anyway? He's certainly not the kind of guy who constantly gets on his players. Yeah, he called Milton Bradley "a piece of (poo)" last week. And yeah, he has given up on Stevie Ire and a few other guys. 

Mostly, though, he has been a big-time enabler. He has threatened to make changes but hasn't done so; instead, he has taken to making excuses for his players and his team. 

Fact is, Piniella's biggest fault has been that he's become too little like the Lou who threatened to kick Rob Dibble's butt and too much of a 65-year-old teddy bear.

As for Ozzie, he'd be near the top of my list of manager's I'd most like to play for. I'd know that as long as I show up on time and play hard, he'd have my back. And even if I sucked, he'd say so much goofy stuff that the headlines would be about his outrageousness and not my suckiness.

Oh, and Joe Torre finished fourth in the survey. Not only is he one of the all-time good guys, but he's a four-time champion who hasn't missed the playoffs since Clinton's first term.

Yeah, who'd want to play for a bum like that?

The Balder Truth

Scuttlebutt says Larry Brown had so much fun coaching Allen Iverson in Philly that he's ready for one more go-'round with AI in Charlotte.

Which leads to these two all-important questions:

Practice? You talkin' 'bout practice?

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Boy, the rest of the National League sure will be in deep doo-doo as soon as The Great DeRosa actually gets a hit!

Willie Mays is very much alive, thank you

^

So I was sitting in the third row of the White Sox press box the other day when I overheard a couple of fellow scribes talking.

"Hey, did you see who died?" asked one.

My ears perked up. It had been a newsworthy week for celebrity deaths - Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson - and I was naturally curious to hear who was next.

"Yeah, Willie Mays," said the other. 

The two then changed to a different subject, which I thought was odd. I mean, come on! 

Willie Mays, the greatest ballplayer of a generation - the greatest ever, many believe - is dead, and these two supposed baseball guys just blow it off with a simple mention?!?

So I went on a couple of sports Web sites and I didn't see word one on the passing of The Say Hey Kid, which I thought was even odder. He might not have been as big as the King of Pop, but surely he had more star power even now than Farrah or Johnny's sidekick.

Then I got busy writing and kind of forgot to check on it again until I got home from the ballpark.

Over dinner, my son Ben asked: "Did you hear who died?"

To which I answered with great certainty: "Yeah, Willie Mays. What a bummer."

My son laughed and so did my wife, which I thought was the oddest thing of all.

"What?" said I, clearly upset. "Maybe the best ballplayer ever is dead and that's your reaction?"

"Billy," Ben said.

"Huh?" I asked.

"Billy Mays is the one who died, you dodo," my wife said, leaving me with only one response:

"Who?"

"You know," Ben said, "the guy from the infomercials."

I didn't know. I'm not trying to trivialize a man's death. I simply had never heard of him. 

After dinner, I went online and looked up Billy Mays. His picture was vaguely familiar but, until right then, I wouldn't have known who he was if he had been sitting next to me in the press box.

A couple of the obits I read referred to him as an "infomercial legend."

Really? There's such a thing as a legend of infomercials?

If Billy Mays is a legend, what does that make Willie Mays?

Anyway, I'm sorry, Willie. I didn't mean to bump you off before your time! 

I just hope I'm listening more carefully if I overhear folks talking about the death of legendary cream cheese inventor Philly Mays.

Cubs-Sox points to ponder, and the All-City Team

^
With the Cubs and White Sox finished beating up on each other for now - freeing them to get back to the business of losing to other teams - here are some thoughts about baseball in Chicago. My All-City Team follows.

1. Progress: Instead of smashing umpire Brian Runge over the head with his bat Sunday, Milton Bradley seemed to count to three after striking out in the sixth inning. Milton then seethed quietly as he walked calmly to the dugout.

2. Not progress: With a play that could kindly be called tentative (and could unkindly be called lack of hustle), Bradley turned what should have been a routine single by Chris Getz into a double.

3. Also not progress: As the media gathered around him after Sunday's game, Bradley grumbled to no one in particular: "Is this necessary? Didn't get no hits, didn't get no runs. Unbelievable!" Hey Miltie, you're not in Arlington any more. This is the big city. Chicago fans hold their $30 million ballplayers accountable.

4. Bradley just might make Lou Piniella quit - though perhaps not before Bradley gets Jim Hendry fired.

5. My, hasn't Mr. Hendry built a mentally weak, emotionally fragile team of underachievers? I'm not sure this group can even be close enough to collapse in the season's final week, the way the weak, fragile underachievers of '04 did.

6. Both times Carlos Zambrano plunked batters Sunday, the White Sox reacted perfectly. After Cra-Z hit Getz in the third, Alexei Ramirez followed with a homer to give the Sox the only runs they'd need against the anemic Cubbies. Obviously irate that he let Getz steal home in the sixth, Cra-Z nailed DeWayne Wise. Wise then stole second and eventually scored. The next inning, John Danks hit leadoff man Ryan Freel in the arm and the silliness ended. Of course, it helped that Cra-Z had been yanked by then.

7. Freel knew what was coming and even jokingly asked the umpire to issue a warning right then and there. And once Danks did the deed, Freel never thought about charging the mound: "Absolutely not. I believe in peace. I believe everybody should get along."

8. Overheard in the Cubbie clubhouse about 3 hours before Sunday's game: "Nothing! They got DeRosa for (bleeping) nothing! Chris (Bleeping) Perez! Jesus H. Christ!" That was before new Cardinals superstar Mark DeRosa went 0-for-3 in a lopsided loss to Minnesota.

9. The Cubs convinced themselves (and more than a few fans who should have known better) that they had turned things around when they won three straight games via walk-off hits last week. Hello! Reality time! Baseball's a difficult game, kids. You can't keep winning with luck, smoke and mirrors.

10. Loved the Sun-Times headline Sunday morning: END IT LIKE BECKHAM.

11. When was the last time a team scored in the same inning on an error after the infield fly rule was invoked and on a steal of home that was supposed to be a suicide squeeze? Miss a little Cubs-Sox action, miss a lot.

12. Several Cubs were upset about the "security leak" that led to Sun-Times reporter Gordon Wittenmyer finding out about Piniella calling Bradley a "piece of (poo)" during their Friday altercation. Piniella, meanwhile, was upset that Wittenmyer wrote the story. The only thing the Cubs didn't seem upset about was their own wretched play.

13. QUOTE OF THE DAY: "I'm pissed off. I didn't think we'd get him anyway, but he's going to the Cardinals. What am I supposed to say? I'm happy for him? I don't wanna see him in our division, much less see him on the Cardinals." - Ryan Theriot on DeRosa.

14. LOU-ISM I: "I still cling to the fact that we're gonna have a good second half of the season. The second half, I'm not talking about after the All-Star Game. It could start the first of July. It could start today, for that matter. And I think that when it's all said and done, people will be pleased with what we do here the rest of the year." (Note to Lou: That's not a "fact" you're clinging to, it's an opinion. And right now, it's a minority opinion.)

15. LOU-ISM II: "We went to Detroit and we lost three ballgames, but you know what? There were 42,000 people at the ballpark every day and it was great for the economy over there. And I saw where the Dodgers came in here the other night, a good baseball team, and 22,000 people were here. The Cubs were in town for the city series and there's 40-some-thousand people here. Let's look at it from a different standpoint than just a baseball standpoint. There are a lot of positives ... a lot of good things that people just don't think of. My job is to win baseball games but I understand the ramifications of everything else, too." (Yay! The Cubs are No. 1 ... for the economy!)

16. OZZIE BEING OZZIE: "Maybe they want to talk about the visiting clubhouse rather than the problems they have." (Nah, much easier to blame clubhouse attendants and the media.)

And now ...

The 2009 Post-City-Series All-Chicago Team

(I know, I know, a rainout has necessitated a Sept. 3 makeup game at Wrigley, but it wouldn't be any fun waiting until then.)

FIRST BASE: Paul Konerko

Derrek Lee has been hotter recently. And as Konerko demonstrated again Sunday, when he couldn't save his pitcher an error on a slightly off-target pickoff throw, Lee is a superior fielder. But Konerko gets the slight nod because he has been more consistent since Day 1.

SECOND BASE: Chris Getz

As is the case at many positions, a player on one team wins by default by being less bad than the other team's candidate. All you need to know about the Cubs' woes at 2B is that Lou actually considered putting Alfonso Soriano there ... and the idea didn't seem all that ridiculous.

SHORTSTOP: Ryan Theriot & Alexei Ramirez (tie)

What a couple of teases! Theriot flashed a little power but his average suffered and he finally settled back into his slap-hitting ways. Ramirez has flashed some amazing leather but all too often has gotten lackadaisical on routine plays. And then there's this: SS might not be the best position for either one of them.

THIRD BASE: Aramis Ramirez

With Mark DeRosa, Joe Crede, Jake Fox and Bobby Scales as close runners-up. Yes, it's been quite a season so far for Chicago third basemen.

LEFT FIELD: Scott Podsednik

Since the Sox picked him up off the scrap heap, he has been a savior with Carlos Quentin sidelined. He has far fewer K's and a far better OBP than Soriano. And, it's worth mentioning, more RBIs than Bradley.

CENTER FIELD: Kosuke Fukudome

He's doing that screw-myself-into-the-ground thing again. And he's been forced to play CF, which isn't his best position. But who's been any better on the South Side? Center field: another Windy City abyss. 

RIGHT FIELD: Jermaine Dye

No drama, just typically productive.

CATCHER: A.J. Pierzynski

Though Geo Soto is coming on fast now that he's stopped indulging in herbal glaucoma medication.

LEFT-HANDED STARTER: Mark Buehrle

In a town that over the last decade has featured - with great fanfare and/or at great expense - Kerry Wood, Mark Prior, Carlos Zambrano, Greg Maddux, Matt Clement, Bartolo Colon, Jose Contreras, Jon Garland, Freddy Garcia, Ted Lilly, Jason Marquis, Ryan Dempster, Rich Harden, Todd Ritchie, Javier Vazquez, Gavin Floyd, John Danks, Esteban Loaiza, Almost Cub Jake Peavy, Almost Sox Jake Peavy and others whom I no doubt have forgotten ... all Buehrle keeps doing is showing up, throwing strikes and winning games.

RIGHT-HANDED STARTER: Randy Wells

The crazy thing isn't that this unknown Cubbie rookie with 2 wins and some amazingly hard luck is the choice. The crazy thing is that it isn't really even close.

SET-UP RELIEVER: Matt Thornton

Though it sure is tempting to go with Angel Guzman, whose latest injury has become Lou's latest excuse du jour. Carlos Marmol? He's so 2007!

CLOSER: Bobby Jenks

Almost a sure thing. Too bad he'll be one of the first out of town if the Sox fall hopelessly out of contention.

MANAGER: Ozzie Guillen

Lou has more talent to work with but also considerably more divas to deal with. Still, you don't hear Ozzie whining about Carlos Quentin's injury every day the way Lou boo-hoos about Aramis, so that's the tiebreaker.

Say it ain't so, DeRo!

^

Thanks for showing up, Cubbieland, but it's all over.

Not only have the Cubs been mired in muck for most of the season but now they will have to make do for the rest of 2009 knowing that the unthinkable has happened.

Three words: Mark ... DeRosa ... Cardinals.

Given the degree of angst in Cubbieland about life without DeRo, it's hard to imagine a team with Albert Pujols and Mark DeRosa ever losing another game.

OK, I'm having a little fun here at the expense of Cubbie fans, who after a rough decade or ten are getting a wee bit miffed at others having fun at their expense. Still, some of this does ring true.

With the fold-the-tent Indians sending DeRo to St. Loo, Jim Hendry's worst trade ever has come back to bite him squarely on his Cuboose.

But hey, somebody has to finish second (or third), right?

Fiery Lou burns Bradley

^

The Bald Truth

At about 1 o'clock, Lou Piniella was insisting that he hasn't lost his passion for the game even as his Cubbies have been sinking into a morass of mediocrity.

"I've got as much fire as I ever had!"

A few hours later, after Milton Bradley struck out (again), got mad (again) and started busting up the dugout (again), Lou confronted the $30 million hothead in the tunnel on the way to the clubhouse and sent Bradley packing. It was only the sixth inning.

Fire, meet gasoline.

"He threw his helmet and smashed a water cooler, water flying all over; I just told him to take his uniform off and go home. Followed him up to the clubhouse and we exchanged some words. I don't like those things to happen. I'm just of tired of watching them. This has been a common occurrence and I've looked the other way a lot, but I'm done with it."

A few minutes after that, Geo Soto smoked a pitch some 400 feet for the game-winning 3-run homer. Nice to see Geo smoking the baseball as opposed to, well, you know.

The Cubs held on to win, but not before Carlos "Latino Wild Thing" Marmol - the people's choice for closer - tried very hard to lose the game (as he usually does) and Kevin Gregg - the people's choice for any role but closer - nailed down the victory (as he all too often doesn't).

In other words, just another boring Cubs-White Sox clash.

The Miltie Mess could kill Pennant Push '09 before it ever really starts. He's hitting .237 with little pop, he plays right field only slightly better than I play golf, he's getting booed by the home fans, he's moody and his manager has lost respect for him. 

Piniella said he simply got sick of watching so many Cubs going ballistic in the dugout; Bradley has done it repeatedly, but Carlos Zambrano and Ryan Dempster also have been among the guilty. Would Lou have sent Mike Fontenot home if the little infielder had taken a bat to the cooler? Doubtful. 

So Bradley feels like an outsider in his own clubhouse ... and maybe those feelings are at least a little justified. 

Before Friday's game Bradley told Paul Sullivan, the Tribune's outstanding reporter, that he doesn't feel close to any of his teammates.

After the Cubs' 5-4 victory, Bradley's mates publicly supported him - mostly. Alfonso Soriano, another slumping slugger and one of the team's leaders, said this:

"He's a great guy. The only problem with him is his attitude sometimes. A lot of people don't like that, but that's him. I hope when he comes back he can help the team win. If he's not 100 percent to help the team, we don't need him."

Ready? Everybody sing: "We are fam-i-lee! As long as we don't count Mil-tie!"

You know, as families go, these guys are far more Soprano than Brady.

Remember This

Infamous irritant A.J. Pierzynski so often has been involved in big plays - especially in these intracity games, it seems - that we've come to expect huge hits and bizarre happenings.

Well, he doesn't always come through. And his work isn't always memorable.

After Latino Wild Thing pitched the Cubs into serious trouble in the eighth, Pierzynski strode to the plate against Sean Marshall. One pitch later, the Cubs turned an easy double play and the White Sox were toast.

Ozzie Guillen's blunt assessment: "Bad at-bat."

A.J. must have been thinking: Damn! Where was Michael Barrett when I needed him?

The Balder Truth

A bunch of us Chicago-chapter Baseball Writers Association of America members got together before the game. The topic: Should we draft a proposal asking the Hall of Fame to give the BBWAA guidance for dealing with juicers?

The verdict: thumbs down. (I was among those who spoke up for this majority decision.) 

Hall honchos already give us guidance, including "integrity" and "character" on the list of what we should be considering. So we should just trust our judgment, as we have successfully for decades.

If the Steroid Era results in several years of no new players getting in, so be it. 

Lou-ism of the Day

"I smoked dope one time in my life and it didn't do a damn thing for me and I never smoked it again."

This a few days after he said he didn't know the difference between steroids and reefer.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

"What To Do With Miltie?" is a most unpleasant problem for Piniella.

A much nicer problem - but one that still might cause migraines: What To Do with Jake?

Aramis Ramirez will be coming off the DL soon and Lou can't wait to put him back at 3B. The problem? That's where Jake Fox has been playing - and he has been by far the hottest hitter on a team desperate for offense. 

Fox, who tore up Triple-A pitching for two months, had three more hits Friday, including a homer and a double. He's at .395 and the ball is jumping off his bat.

Said Piniella: "I like his bat, put it that way, I really do. We'll see where we use it, but how can you not put his name in the lineup every time you have a chance?"

How, indeed?

Problem is, Fox can't play SS, 2B or CF. He had been a catcher once upon a time but long ago was deemed inadequate there. (Besides, Soto finally has started to hit now that he's stopped taking hits).

That leaves 3B, 1B, LF and RF.

Third, of course, belongs to Ramirez. First is Derrek Lee territory, and he's been the only other consistently good hitter lately. 

Soriano is not much of a LF and he's been bad at the plate for nearly two months. But he has unique skills, he has been known to get hot at a moment's notice, he is popular with his teammates, Lou likes him and he is guaranteed $100 million over the next 5 1/2 years.

Hmmm ... methinks another Miltie meltdown is coming soon. 

Soto's not hot, but he sure is smokin'!

The List

Top five signs that Cubbie catcher Geo Soto is a pothead (aside from his lethargic first half of the season):

5. Always refers to Lou Piniella as "that awesome, gnarly dude."

4. During a recent seventh-inning stretch, he could be heard singing: "Give me Doritos and Ho-Hos, bro; I don't care that my butt's gonna grow ... "

3. Didn't start lobbying for baseball to be an Olympic sport until he was told he'd get to hang out with Michael Phelps and Shaun White.

2. Just before taking a swing at Yadier Molina during a basebrawl, he reached out, embraced the Redbird catcher and said: "I love you, man!"

1. Commissioned Louisville Slugger to make him a 32-ounce bong.

Ozzie Being Ozzie I

After spending more than 2 minutes loudly and forcefully insisting that Shaquille O'Neal will hurt LeBron's Cavs because Shaq is old, broken down, useless and in need of a wheelchair, Sox skipper Ozzie Guillen concluded:

"Like I (bleeping) know about basketball."

Sweet-Talking Lou

Asked by the Chicago Tribune if he'll run the Cubbies beyond this season: "I'm signed through next year."

Then Piniella repeated it two times.

Hmmm. The man hasn't sounded that enthused about managing since his final weeks with the Devil Rays.

Ozzie Being Ozzie II

On Alexei Ramirez, who made two "lousy and lazy" errors Thursday against the Dodgers:

"I made a big mistake in January when I said he's gonna be a better shortstop than Ozzie Guillen. I never thought I was that bad."

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Our old friend Steve Kerr has done a heck of a job running the Phoenix Suns.

Into the ground.

He's only a couple more trades away from securing the most Ping-Pong balls in next year's lottery.

Stepping out of MJ's shadow

^

The Bald Truth

Although I've had only a few conversations of any length with Jeff Jordan, I can tell he's a good kid.

Intelligent, humble, likable, respectful, proud to be Michael's son but anxious to make his own way in the world. 

Many are surprised by Jeff's decision to walk away from his backup role at Illinois to concentrate on his studies, but it makes perfect sense. 

He proved he could make it as a jock - going from walk-on to scholarship athlete by playing good defense, working hard in practice and growing into a leadership role - but, as he said in his statement: 

"I have come to the point where I’m ready to focus on life after basketball.”

Playing college sports is a huge time commitment. My daughter played two years of Division III ball and she had little life outside the team. And the commitment is even more all-consuming at the major-college level.

Jeff only was going to play a few minutes a game for the Illini and he wanted to get on with making his mark outside of athletics. So he opted to step out of his dad's long basketball shadow to focus on real life.

It was an admirable, mature decision.

Nice job, kid, and good luck.

The Balder Truth

NBA teams are in love with the potential of Spanish teen Ricky Rubio, who is expected to be either the second or third player drafted Thursday.

Well, he might be the goods. Or he might not be. Nobody really knows.

Give me Stephen Curry. He can handle the ball, he's an excellent passer and he'll be a big-time 3-point shooter.

A stiff breeze could carry Curry into the next county, true, but we know he has a lot of game.

Can anybody really say as much about Ricky Rubio?

THE BALDEST TRUTH

The fine folks of Albuquerque are going ga-ga for Manny Ramirez, and you know he'll receive much the same treatment when he returns to Tinseltown.

Yep, baseball fans sure are outraged by these juicing cheaters!

Ryno slams El Roido

^
The Bald Truth

I've not yet decided how I'll vote when Sammy Sosa's name appears on the Hall of Fame ballot in five years. Ryne Sandberg, who hopes to be the Cubs' manager by then, is giving me the punt sign.

That's right: Ryno is saying no-go to El Roido (a.k.a. El Corko).

"Part of being in the Hall of Fame, they use the word integrity in describing a Hall of Famer ... and I think there are gonna be quite a few players that are not gonna get in," Sandberg told a Chicago radio station Tuesday.

Yes, there is an integrity clause ... but it's tricky. Should spitballer Gaylord Perry have gotten in? What about selfish Reggie Jackson? Racist jerk Ty Cobb? Should I vote for Robbie Alomar, who spat in an umpire's face?

Ryno unquestionably is right about the last thing he said, though. No matter how I vote, I doubt the likes of Sosa, Mark McGwire, Gary Sheffield, Manny Ramirez and Rafael Palmeiro will get in.

There simply is too much sentiment against the cheaters. McGwire, the first of the eligible juicers, has gotten less love from BBWAA voters than Jon has lately from Kate (and vice versa).

Even Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds are in doubt.

And I really don't like the Hall chances of Alex Sanchez and Felix Heredia, who must not have followed directions on their 'roid labels very well.

The Quote

"People love me everywhere I go." - Manny Ramirez

Especially people who sell syringes.

The Balder Truth

While talking to reporters before Tuesday's game, White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen saw that the Dodgers' Juan Pierre was listening in.

Ozzie: "We're gonna play 10 guys in the infield. You're not bunting! I tell you, we're gonna have everybody in the middle."

Juan: "When I get a bunt base-hit, I'm gonna look right at you!"

Ozzie: "Two million dollars if you get a bunt base-hit on me!"

Thanks to a diving catch at third base by Gordon Beckham - robbing Pierre of a bunt hit in the eighth - Ozzie gets to keep his millions.

It was the only good news on this night for Guillen, whose impotent losers fizzled again at home.

A Hall of a Voter

Longtime loyal reader Doug Nicodemus asked why I have a Hall vote. Here's the deal:

Every 10-plus-year member of the Baseball Writers Association of America in good standing gets a ballot. Because I was in the BBWAA for 25 years before my newspaper company so generously set me free, I received lifetime membership - and lifetime Hall voting rights.

So I'm kind of like a Supreme Court justice, only more objective - and not quite as bald as Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

It is absurd that MLB is letting Manny be Manny for a bunch of minor-league "rehab" games before his drug suspension ends.

Maybe they were just worried he wouldn't be able to make ends meet without that Triple-A meal money: 20 bucks a day.