Friday, July 3, 2009

Kobe-Artest will make Kobe-Shaq seem like love-in

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The Bald Truth

You gotta love the news that Ron Artest is joining the L.A. Lakers.

That means instead of Kobe getting pissed off four times a year at opponent Artest, Kobe gets to be pissed off 100 times a year at teammate Artest.

It also means Phil Jackson really has something to think about before making that final decision about his future in coaching. (UPDATE - Fri 7/3/09: Phil has decided to come back. Can't wait to see what book he assigns Artest at the start of the first road trip. "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest," perhaps?)

Mostly, it means Artest's rap career is about to take off big-time. I mean, look at what being in L.A. did for the vocal stylings of William Shatner!

The Balder Truth

I wonder what the other owners think about MLB having to lend $15 million to Rangers owner Tom Hicks - the guy who just a few years ago bid against himself to give Alex Rodriguez a $252 million contract.

Hicks is trying to sell majority ownership in the franchise. Word is, A-Roid has offered him $15 million and a lifetime supply of syringes.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

I've got my new favorite athlete and - get this! - he's a soccer player.

Just a few days after helping Team U.S.A. almost win the Confederations Cup - a tournament so huge it ranks as the sport's version of the Chick-fil-A Bowl - Landon Donovan ripped into Mr. Spice himself, David Beckham.

"If someone’s paying you more than anybody in the league, more than double anybody in the league, the least we expect is that you show up to every game ... " Donovan said in a soon-to-be-released book called The Beckham Experiment.

"Show up and train hard. Show up and play hard. I can’t think of another guy where I’d say he wasn’t a good teammate ... but with (Beckham) I’d say no, he wasn’t committed."

Beckham and Donovan have been teammates with the Los Angeles Galaxy. Beckham, the famed British sports icon, is being paid about $6.5 million a year by the Major League Soccer team - more than seven times the haul of Donovan, the league's fifth-highest-paid player.

Becks - as the London tabloids call him - was supposed to help popularize soccer in the United States.

Yeah, right.

One reason that hasn't happened: Soccer never will be popular here as a spectator sport because we prefer games in which a 2-1 final isn't considered a high-scoring rout.

Another reason: Beckham pays precious little attention to U.S. soccer, so why should we?

These days, Becks is on loan to European team AC Milan and isn't due to rejoin Donovan and the Galaxy for another two weeks. He had tried to get out of the contract altogether but couldn't.

In an excerpt of the Grant Wahl-authored book published in this week's Sports Illustrated, Beckham also is characterized as a cheapskate, refusing to pick up meal checks for Galaxy teammates who earn barely-poverty-level wages.

Apparently, nobody ever will be encouraged to Spend It Like Beckham.

So bravo, Landon Donovan.

Now go take up a sport that people actually care about. Ever think about trying your hand (and foot) at ultimate fighting?

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