Did Steve Carell take all the writers with him?

^

Not a single chuckle, chortle or tee-hee-hee. And certainly no guffaws.

What the hell happened to The Office, which now just might be the least funny show on TV?

^

Don't stifle dese memories, Edith

^
Forty years ago tonight, All in the Family made its network debut. I loved that show, and to this very day Carroll O'Connor's Archie Bunker remains my choice as the greatest character in television history.

Whenever I happen to catch an episode on Nick at Nite or whatever network shows such stuff these days, I remain amazed at the quality of the acting, writing and directing that made All in the Family so great way back when.

And I especially remain amazed at how relevant the show still is.

Sure, Watergate and Nixon and Vietnam and all the other things Archie and Meathead argued about now are ancient history. But the way the show dealt with subjects such as race relations, gay rights, abortion, sex, recessionary times, human emotions, family issues, job insecurity and patriotism ... well, let's just say today's TV honchos could learn a thing or three about how to effectively put on a show that really matters. Not to mention a show capable of making the viewer laugh hysterically five or six times every half hour.

As Archie and Edith sang before every episode, "Those were the days."
^

Dexter is motherlovin' great TV

^

Mrs. N and I just finished watching Season 1 of Dexter. Showtime and Comcast offered it for free On Demand to try to get viewers hooked, regularly scrawling ads during the episodes hoping to get people to order the network.

We won't order it, of course - our cable bills already are ridiculously high - but we will grab the next couple seasons of Dexter on DVD because it was an extremely enjoyable show. If you haven't seen it yet - and if you don't have a squeamish tummy - I highly recommend it.

For those who don't know, Dexter Morgan, brilliantly played by Michael C. Hall (formerly fantastic on HBO's Six Feet Under), is a Miami Police forensics expert ... who also happens to be a serial killer. His adoptive father was a cop, as is his adoptive sister, and there were many well-written flashback scenes.

Season 1 offered so many unique and unpredictable plot twists that Mrs. N and I couldn't stop watching ... we watched all 12 hour-long episodes in just over 2 days!

We even came out of it with a new favorite word:

Motherlovin'.

For some reason, the shows On Demand were edited to remove the f-word in all of its forms. So "Bleep you!" - a term cops (and, yes, sportswriters) tend to use often - became "Forget you!" And, "motherbleeper" became "motherlover."

Cracked me up. Violence and blood ... they couldn't possibly have shown more of that to whatever virgin eyes might have been watching. But God forbid the f-word gets heard. How typically hypocritical of the TV overlords, right?

Man, when we do get around to watching the uncensored version of Dexter on DVD, our ears are in for a real motherlovin' shock!

Give 'em 1 minute, they'll give you 2 L's

^

The Bald Truth

So I was watching Dennis Leary's Rescue Me with my wife when we put the show on pause to check out what was happening in Tuesday night's Chicago ballgames.

Within a 60-second span, Gordon Beckham grounded weakly to the pitcher with the tying run on base to end the White Sox's come-from-ahead loss to the Rays and The Great Jeff Samardzija served up Jayson Werth's 13th-inning homer to cap the Cubs' loss to the Phillies.

 

And then my wife and I switched back to Rescue Me, distracted only by the realization that our fine city is a mere three months away from yet another Cubs-Sox World Series.

Once Upon A Time

Hey, didn't Bobby Jenks used to be more than just another bad reliever with a goofy beard?

The Balder Truth

Now that they're 1-6 in games in which Mark DeRosa has played, the Cardinals must be trying to figure out what they need to do to get him back on the Cubs.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Cool story by Yahoo! football writer Michael Silver, who tells of a phone conversation he had with Chad Ochounodostrescuatrocinco. Apparently, during a Lakers game last spring, the former Chad Johnson had a sit-down with Denzel Washington - who told Chad to stop being such a tool.

"He wasn't being gentle," C.O. told Silver. "He said, 'You know what? You need to straighten up and stop fussin' about something you have no control over. Make it fun again because it sure looks better when you do it that way.' That's all I needed to hear, especially from somebody like him."

By all means! After you're done getting real coaches fired, make sure you pay attention to a make-believe coach.

My sources tell me that Denzel's final words to C.O. were this:

"Oh, and remember the Titans!"

Run, Roland, Run!

^

The Bald Truth

U.S. Sen. Roland Burris (D-Flimflammer) saying he won't run for re-election is like me saying I won't run in the Chicago Marathon.

Except I'd have a better chance of winning.

Hey, I've been working out!

The Quote I

"It's the same thing every year: You go through your bad stretch and it's full-on panic. There's better things to come for those guys. They're gonna get hot and stay hot. They have too much talent over there not to." - ex-Cubbie Kerry Wood, talking about his former club.

If memory serves, Wood's 2004 and 2005 Cubs also had too much talent.

The Balder Truth

If Clayton Richard makes another start for the White Sox, it will be one start too many. In fact, it's already been about eight starts too many.

Why are Kenny Williams and Ozzie Guillen so afraid to give Aaron Poreda the ball and let him do his thing? 

Put him on a very tight pitch count, tell him to use extra ice after each start and read him a bedtime story every night ... but for cryin' out loud, put the kid in the rotation.

The Quote II

"I've been watching more TV at night. Just got done watching Rescue Me with Dennis Leary; that's really got me locked in." - Indians catcher Kelly Shoppach, after being asked what he was doing to try to get out of his season-long slump.

Great show, Rescue Me. It's another in a series of excellent FX series. Funnier than hell. But, I warn you, not for the kiddies. And that means you, Aaron Poreda!

THE BALDEST TRUTH

The Dallas Mavericks have assembled a new version of the Phoenix team that was never quite good enough to get to the NBA Finals.

Starring as Steve Nash is Jason Kidd, who is older than Nash and can't shoot.

Starring as Amare Stoudemire is Dirk Nowitzki, who is older than Amare and likes to hang out around the 3-point line.

And starring as Shawn Marion is the newest Mav, Shawn Marion, who is older than the old Marion and about 80 percent as effective.

Yes, Mark Cuban has built a Suns-ish team that is sure to go all the way ... to the second round.

If Dirk's hitting his 3's, anyway.

Willie Mays is very much alive, thank you

^

So I was sitting in the third row of the White Sox press box the other day when I overheard a couple of fellow scribes talking.

"Hey, did you see who died?" asked one.

My ears perked up. It had been a newsworthy week for celebrity deaths - Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson - and I was naturally curious to hear who was next.

"Yeah, Willie Mays," said the other. 

The two then changed to a different subject, which I thought was odd. I mean, come on! 

Willie Mays, the greatest ballplayer of a generation - the greatest ever, many believe - is dead, and these two supposed baseball guys just blow it off with a simple mention?!?

So I went on a couple of sports Web sites and I didn't see word one on the passing of The Say Hey Kid, which I thought was even odder. He might not have been as big as the King of Pop, but surely he had more star power even now than Farrah or Johnny's sidekick.

Then I got busy writing and kind of forgot to check on it again until I got home from the ballpark.

Over dinner, my son Ben asked: "Did you hear who died?"

To which I answered with great certainty: "Yeah, Willie Mays. What a bummer."

My son laughed and so did my wife, which I thought was the oddest thing of all.

"What?" said I, clearly upset. "Maybe the best ballplayer ever is dead and that's your reaction?"

"Billy," Ben said.

"Huh?" I asked.

"Billy Mays is the one who died, you dodo," my wife said, leaving me with only one response:

"Who?"

"You know," Ben said, "the guy from the infomercials."

I didn't know. I'm not trying to trivialize a man's death. I simply had never heard of him. 

After dinner, I went online and looked up Billy Mays. His picture was vaguely familiar but, until right then, I wouldn't have known who he was if he had been sitting next to me in the press box.

A couple of the obits I read referred to him as an "infomercial legend."

Really? There's such a thing as a legend of infomercials?

If Billy Mays is a legend, what does that make Willie Mays?

Anyway, I'm sorry, Willie. I didn't mean to bump you off before your time! 

I just hope I'm listening more carefully if I overhear folks talking about the death of legendary cream cheese inventor Philly Mays.

Prior knowledge

^

The Bald Truth

Congrats, Nats. You used the No. 1 pick to draft can't-miss, sure-thing, lead-pipe-cinch superstar pitcher Stephen Strasburg.

Now here's hoping Strasburg has a better go of it than the last can't-miss, sure-thing, lead-pipe-cinch superstar pitcher to come out of college. Guy named Mark Prior.

Those stupid Twins, drafting that no-talent hack of a catcher Joe Mauer back in 2001 instead of the cinch superstar Prior.

Ah, the baseball draft. The least exact science this side of blind dates.

Announcing Follies

1. It didn't take Steve Stone long to follow Homer Hawk's lead in constantly calling the White Sox "we." Then again, at least Stoney pitched for the Sox way back when. All Hawk did for the organization was screw it up royally during his 10 minutes as Sox GM.

2. In the closing moments of Stanley Cup Finals Game 6, did NBC's Mike Emrick really say the winner would be "the team that wants it more"? Yep, what a bunch of disinterested slugs those Red Wings were during their 2-1 loss to the Penguins.

3. I'm enjoying the work of ABC's Mike Breen, Jeff Van Gundy and Mark Jackson during the NBA playoffs, but I gotta admit that I miss Marv Albert. Is Marv the best basketball announcer ever? Yesssss!

The Balder Truth

The White Sox are doing enough damage to their own chances. They don't need help from ump Jim Joyce, who on Tuesday badly blew a call at home plate that would have given the Sox a ninth-inning victory over the Tigers.

The Tigers went on to win the game in the 10th.

Obviously, they wanted it more.

The Quote

"We're all frail as humans." - Phil Jackson on Kobe Bryant, who missed five free throws and had the ball stolen from him by Dwight Howard during crunch time of the Lakers' Game 3 loss to the Magic.

Funny. I don't remember Phil ever using "frail" as an adjective to describe any other high-scoring guard he coached.

Frosh Follies

A few days after learning that Derrick Rose enjoyed letting others do his schoolwork at Memphis, we learned that Tim "Blago" Floyd was using payola schemes to get O.J. Mayo into USC.

I can't blame David Stern for refusing to let 18-year-olds into his league. But does that mean our institutions of higher learning have to prostitute themselves to let these kids play ball?

There are other options for the likes of Rose and Mayo, including Europe. Let them eat pasta, baby.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Dozens of kids who used to shoot hoops at the backyard court of our North Side home went on to play high school ball. A few even have gone on to play in college. But here's a first:

Kerry Masterson, 23, who played alongside my daughter Katie on a dominant grade-school team and often brought her game to our court on summer evenings, has been charged with first-degree murder for allegedly shooting a West Side shopkeeper during a robbery attempt last month.

No jokes. No clever rejoinders. Just another reminder that reality occasionally intrudes angrily on our everyday lives.

This judge plays hardball

^

The Bald Truth

Fourteen years ago, a wise federal judge named Sonia Sotomayor wouldn't let Bud Selig, Jerry Reinsdorf and the rest of the grinches who tried to steal baseball use replacement players to start the 1995 season.

Say this for Barack Obama's first Supreme Court nominee: She has displayed concern for the greater good, and she can't be bullied by the whiny, rich yahoos in the old boys' network.

The Balder Truth

Anquan Boldin is firing his agent, Drew Rosenhaus.

Word is, Boldin simply wouldn't do situps in his driveway.

Said Rosenhaus: "Next question!"

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Heads are about to roll in the NBA, where far too many people apparently didn't get David Stern's Kobe-and-LeBron-in-the-Finals memo.

Magic vs. Nuggets, anybody?

I mean, is it possible for a series to generate negative TV ratings?

Jack Bauer's sports to-do list

^

If we're to believe where 24 was steering us at the end of another hellish "day," Jack Bauer will be back after doctors use his daughter's stem cells to rid his body of toxic pathogens.

Anyway, now that he's saved the world again, here are ...

Five things we can expect from Jack during his next day at the office:

5. Short-circuit all television satellite feeds into the White House, thereby protecting President Obama from exposure to lethal doses of the White Sox.

4.  Force Terrell Owens to listen to Paul Warfield, John Stallworth, Raymond Berry and other classy receivers who rarely dropped the football, never blamed their QBs and actually won something during their careers. And by "force," all 24 fans know what that means.

3. Administer truth serum to Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, Alex Rodriguez, Manny Ramirez, Sammy Sosa, Mark McGwire and so on and so on and so on. And don't worry about this being too difficult. If approached with syringes, these fine gentlemen aren't likely to resist.

2.  Make Brett Favre make up his mind. Do whatever it takes and use every means at your disposal. One way or another, the madness must end.

1. Stop terrorist attacks? Yawn! Really impress us and stop the BCS.

Chicago: City of Big Winners (for now, anyway)

^

Interesting times for those following Chicago's sports scene ...

CUBS

In a shocking development that not a single soul could have foreseen, Milton Bradley is out with an injury. Doesn't matter. The Cubs are doing just what they're supposed to be doing during this 162-game preseason of theirs.

They are winning far more than they are losing and setting themselves up for what is sure to be a typically satisfying playoff run.

It hasn't been boring in Cubbieland. It never is.

Lou Piniella has had to threaten several relievers with bodily harm for failing to throw strikes, Kosuke Fukudome is squeezing some hits in between his spin-o-ram misses, Derrek Lee has morphed into Mark Grace II and Geovany Soto's sore shoulder has made an every-inning catcher out of Koyie Hill.

Oh, and Alfonso Soriano is on quite the lead-off-the-game-with-bombs tear. If I were the opposing manager and my starter threw the first pitch within a foot of the strike zone, I would immediately pull the starter from the game, fine him a million bucks and option him to Dezhnevo of the Sarah Palin Backyard League. 

As expected, aside from the Cubs and the resilient Cardinals, the NL Central is mostly garbage. It remains almost impossible to fathom the Cubs losing.

Until October, of course.

WHITE SOX

I flipped on Monday's game just in time to see Jermaine Dye and Paul Konerko hit back-to-back jacks - remarkably, the 300th career home run for each. Congrats to two classy guys.

And Carlos Quentin also smacked two homers in beating the Tigers. For all the talk about how this team now can play small-ball ... please. If the Sox hit home runs, they have a chance to win. If they don't, they usually lose. Fortunately for them, they hit lots of homers.

Though the White Sox have plenty of flaws, I've seen little to convince me they aren't the least-flawed team in a greatly flawed division.

And Bartolo Colon will eat anybody who disagrees.

BULLS

They looked like a lost cause a couple of months ago but now have a great chance to finish with a winning record, the No. 6 seed in the East and a first-round playoff matchup against the Orlando Magic. 

That's huge. Of the East's "big three," Orlando is the least big - even though the Magic have the NBA's best big man in Dwight Howard.

That only seems confusing, so you'll have to trust me. No team wants the Cavs or Celtics in the first round. Orlando is a good team but its forwards are hurting and it is very beatable if the 3-pointers aren't falling.

I've been tough on John Paxson and Vinny Del Negro - for good reason - but Pax especially responded to all the criticism by doing something before the trade deadline. His acquisition of Brad Miller and John Salmons gave the Bulls life.

As a result, Derrick Rose has more teammates he can trust and Ben Gordon doesn't feel compelled to take every shot (only most of them).

I'm still not convinced that the team isn't winning despite Del Negro. I also am not convinced Vinny's team knows what defense is. The playoffs will be a nice test.

BLACKHAWKS

They not only are returning to the playoffs for the first time since 2002, but they also have home-ice advantage in the first round.

Calgary is the opening opponent and I'm proud to say I can name one Flames player without looking in their media guide. Thanks for sticking around through my personal five-year hockey strike, Jarome Iginla!

The Hawks' fine young players sure are fun to watch. Nevertheless, I wonder if they are big enough, tough enough and mature enough to make any serious playoff noise. 

I also have doubts that Nikolai Khabibulin is anywhere near the same "Bulin Wall" who carried Tampa Bay to the Stanley Cup a couple years ago - and goaltending is everything come springtime in the NHL. 

BEARS

Cutlermania has only just begun. Bear Country denizens haven't been this excited about their quarterback since ... Caleb Hanie last preseason!

It would be easier to buy in to the bullishness on the Bears if they had a couple of worthwhile receivers and if the defense wasn't as big a problem as the offense ever since Super Bowl XLI.

Still, the Bears at least have a chance to be good now, and that's more than I would have said a few weeks ago.

So bravo, boys, enjoy the accolades you're getting now before you actually have to start playing football again.

The Quote

Talking about infielders getting intimidated by dirty, hard-sliding baserunners, Bob Brenly offered this nugget during Monday's Cubs telecast: 

"A lot of times, guys get a little light in their loafers around the bag."

Uh, sure ... not that there's anything wrong with that.

He's No. 6!

^

The Bald Truth

Before Jay Cutler came along, the last Bear to wear No. 6 was Kevin Butler back in 1995. Just wait until 14 years after Cutler retires and the Bears give No. 6 to some guy named Dutler.

The Quote

"That doesn't really involve what we've gotta do in America to fix America, so it's a mute point." - Joe "The Plumber" Wurzelbacher, during an appearance on Bill Maher's HBO show.

The Old Quote Revisited

"I said I wasn’t gonna answer any more about Soriano. That’s a mute story." - Lou Piniella, getting perturbed last year when a reporter asked him about Alfonso Soriano.

The Conclusion

You know, come to think of it, I've never seen Joe The Plumber and Lou The Skipper in the same place at the same time.

The List

Five Cutler-trade-related e-mail observations from Gene Chamberlain (the former Bears beat reporter who worked with me when we were both with the Copley Newspaper group):

1. Hell froze over and pigs grew wings.

2. And for some reason, I think they'll still find a way to go 8-8 next season. They can blame it on Turner or injuries or Lovie. Or Riggleman.

3. The Bears traded a first-rounder for a QB who grew up in Indiana and was a Bears fan and got off to a great start in his career ... Rick Mirer.

4. At least this time when they traded for the QB who grew up in Indiana, they didn't make everybody go downtown for a press conference so we could watch Dave Wannstedt drink light beer with ice in it.

5. When the pressure was on last season, Cutler played the same way for Denver that Kyle Orton played for the Bears when the pressure was on. He sucked.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

When Mike Krzyzewski was talking about that very clever Risky Business Guitar Hero ad he filmed with Bobby Knight, Rick Pitino and Roy Williams, he made a reference to "Rick, Roy and Coach Knight."

Really? Is one of the great coaches ever so afraid of insulting Bobby that he feels he must kiss Bobby's ring at every opportunity? Pretty freakin' sad.

NCAA tourney delivers - as usual

^

Friday's final four:

1. If you don't love the NCAA basketball tournament, why even bother loving sports? Those who were a little disappointed that the first-day action didn't produce more thrills needed to wait only a few hours. Friday included victories by the 13th-seeded Cinderfellas of Cleveland State, classic 12/5 upsets pulled off by Wisconsin and Arizona, and a month's worth of late-game heroics. There is nothing - nothing! - better than this. It is the one major sporting event that never fails to live up to the hype.

2. The only thing more stunning than Cleveland State's victory over No. 4 Wake Forest was the ease in which it occurred. The Vikings were in control from the opening tip to the final horn in knocking out a team many thought could sneak into the Final Four. Another popular choice as a possible Final Four crasher, fifth-seeded Florida State, was victimized by Wisconsin. As I watched the game, I was thinking: "Remember when Trevon Hughes was going to be the Badgers' next great player? What ever happened to that?" Well, it was Hughes who came through with the huge, old-fashioned, drive-and-a-foul 3-point play to give Wisconsin an amazing triumph. I still don't think Wisconsin deserved a bid ... but as long as they were invited to the party, they are to be praised for showing up ready to rock and roll.

3. Kudos to CBS for the spectacular way it handled the tense moments in two OT games that were unfolding simultaneously: Wisconsin-Florida State and Siena-Ohio State. The network slickly provided every big play live for its audience, and the announcing teams (Craig Bolerjack/Bob Wenzel for UW-FSU and Verne Lundquist/Bill Raftery for Siena-OSU) were spot-on in capturing the drama. The time I spent watching the endings of both games was about as much fun as a guy can have sitting alone in his recliner.

4. After the first round, my prognostication record stands at 26-6. Not great, for sure, but more than twice as good as Hoopster in Chief Barack Obama. Really, Mr. President? 19-13? Here's hoping you're better at fixing the economy than you are at filling out a bracket.

Memphis pussycats almost tamed

^

Thursday's not-yet-final four:

1. Needing 35 points from a normally low-scoring bench player to beat mighty Northridge, Memphis gave quite a scare to those of us who have pegged the Tigers for the Final Four. If Memphis doesn't play significantly better Saturday, it will lose to an impressive Maryland team that, unlike Memphis, comes out of a real conference.

2. Note to play-by-play men, color commentators, studio hosts and analysts of all stripes: Please, please, pretty please stop using the phrase "score the ball." It's meaningless blather. 

3. Much to the delight of most of my fellow alums, Marquette was referred to as the "Warriors" in Sports Illustrated's tourney preview issue. Yes, we were the Warriors for four decades, including my time at the school. But aside from that memorably humiliating six-day stretch in 2004 in which we were supposed to embrace "The Gold" as our nickname, we've been (like it or not) the Golden Eagles for 15 years now. Here's hoping the SI folks were as wrong about Marquette's NCAA prospects - they predicted we'd lose to Utah State in Friday's opener - as they were about MU's current moniker.

4. After the afternoon session, I'm 7-1 as a tourney prognosticator. That's great because it means I can't finish any worse than 7-56!

(Check back after the night games for more NCAA natterings.)

DePaul wins ... and other impossible ponderables

^

After going 0-for-2009, DePaul stunned Cincinnati in the first round of the Big East megatourney. Wouldn't it be something if the Blue Demons win their next four games to capture the conference title and then roll to the national championship, too?

And wouldn't it be something if they played Northwestern in the NCAA title game?

And wouldn't it be something if Carlos Marmol could do to the AL pennant winner what he couldn't do to the Netherlands and close out the Cubbies' first championship in 101 years?

And wouldn't it be something if Lovie Smith would ever utter these three words: "I was wrong"?

And wouldn't it be something if Ozzie Guillen could ever utter three words that didn't include two bleeps?

And wouldn't it be something if Tony La Russa would admit that his juicing stars in Oakland and St. Louis bamboozled him?

And wouldn't it be something if Roger Clemens gets to share a cell with Blago?

And wouldn't it be something if people cared as much about their real families as they do about their fantasy teams?

And wouldn't it be something if Kerry Wood, Michael Barrett (or whoever) fessed up to smashing Sammy's boombox?

And wouldn't it be something if those commercials were right and a bald guy really could grow back a full head of hair?

And wouldn't it be something if eating a slice of Craig's Crazy Carrot Cake Cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory actually would help a guy burn off fat?

And wouldn't it be something if every TV show could be as good as The Wire was?

And wouldn't it be something if Bernard Madoff lived long enough to actually serve 150 years in prison?

And wouldn't it be something if the Dow hit 14,000 by the end of next week?

And wouldn't it be something if our elected officials could pass a stimulus bill that didn't include so much pork it's been banned by both the American Heart Association and the Society of Kosher Butchers?

And wouldn't ... wait a second ... now I'm getting ridiculous. Maybe I should just go back to something a little more realistic.

You know, like that DePaul thing.

Hey, Bears: T.O., baby!

^

The List

Ten reasons the Bears should sign Terrell Owens:

1. Why should Brian Urlacher have to carry the burden of being the team's only overhyped, overpaid, over-the-hill guy?

2. T.O. would show Devin Hester how to drop passes like a true pro.

3. Without Tank Johnson, Cedric Benson and Rex Grossman, Bear Country has gotten too damn boring.

4. All those who hate Ron Turner's offense would be able to live vicariously through T.O., who no doubt would articulate his feelings about 15 minutes into the season opener.

5. Ever since Moose Muhammad left, the Bears haven't had anybody to take cheap shots at Kyle Orton. Anybody other than Jerry Angelo, anyway.

6. In the words of Drew Rosenhaus: "Next question!"

7. T.O. is politically correct. He'll disrespect a black coach and a white QB just as completely as he disrespected a white coach and a black QB.

8. Did I say they should sign T.O.? What was I thinking? He'd have no chance to crack a receiving corps that includes Brandon Rideau and Rashied Davis.

9. We know the Bears are "close" to winning the Super Bowl because Coach Lovie says so, and T.O. obviously would be the final piece of the championship puzzle.

10. He already is working on his first end-zone celebration as a Bear: spiking the football over the crossbar while doing a spot-on imitation of Da Coach going postal on Jim Harbaugh.

The Bald Truth

Now that a stand-up, clean-living citizen like Darryl Strawberry has said he, too, would have used steroids, it certainly takes all the juicers off the hook.

The Question

Does A-Roid really have a torn labrum in his hip, or is he just trying to scam some doctor into writing him a prescription for Primobolan?

THE BALDEST TRUTH

If you don't watch Friday Night Lights yet, please start doing so: Friday on NBC at 8 p.m. Central.

This show about teen angst, big-time Texas prep football and adults' uncanny ability to mess up youth sports is too good to be scrapped due to lack of viewership.

Step up, people!

This is not a drill!

^

Sorry, folks, but this is no time to be blogging about something as meaningless as sports.

I mean, terrorists have taken over the White House and they are holding President Taylor hostage.

Somehow, someway, Jack Bauer has to figure out how to save the president - and, in the process, to save the world as we know it.

And the really tough part is that he's racing against the clock. Hey, there are only 24 hours in a day, you know!

Tiger's back and there's gonna be trouble

^

The Bald Truth

Tiger Woods is coming back next week, and you know what that means.

Time for the rest of the world's top golfers to genuflect, kiss the king's ring and get back to the task of competing for second place.

The Balder Truth

Nice to see and hear Charles Barkley, the best studio analyst in all of televised sport, on TNT again. 

Let's take him at his word that the next time he ties one on, he'll let somebody sober drive him home.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Illini Land denizens are aghast that their heroes managed only 33 points against Penn State, but I've seen that kind of thing dozens of times.

Maybe not since my daughter was playing seventh-grade hoops, but dozens of times.