Hoping 2012 U.S. Open comes down to Tiger-Rory playoff

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The Bald Truth

I miss Tiger. Really.

Sure, I was in awe of Rory McIlroy, both his incredible swing and his can-do demeanor. And I'll admit I was rooting for him to keep going more and more under par.

But as was the case when Tiger Woods was winning tournaments by double-digit totals, I grew a little bored as I watched McIlroy's runaway U.S. Open victory. I'll take a nail-biter of a tournament that goes down to the final putt over a record-setting rout every time.

I mean, how many times should one have to listen to Johnny Miller chuckle at the absurdity of McIlroy's near-perfect shotmaking?

McIlroy certainly looks like golf's next big thing. Wouldn't it be delicious if the sport's last big thing got healthy, got his game back and took all this adulation being heaped on McIlroy personally?

Wouldn't it be great if Tiger Woods acted like his buddy and role model, Michael Jordan, who used such challenges to motivate himself and amaze us all?

I covered the PGA Championship at Medinah in 1999, when a baby-faced Sergio Garcia almost stole the show from Woods. At the time, we all assumed we'd be treated to Sergio vs. Tiger for the next two decades. Unfortunately, Sergio lost his copy of the script.

Now that Tiger is the hunter instead of the hunted, will he be able to play his part? Can he be the Arnie to McIlroy's Jack?

Wouldn't that be something?

The Quote

"He lapped the field, and for such a young age, how mature he is." -- Jason Day

The U.S. Open runner-up is 23, an old man compared to the 22-year-old champion.

The Balder Truth

My favorite thing about McIlroy -- and there are lots of favorite things with this kid -- is how quickly he plays.

He doesn't stand there for five minutes trying to figure out how a 2 mph breeze will affect his next shot. He doesn't examine every putt from 14 different angles. He doesn't agonize for 30 seconds after every miss or pump his fist 20 times after every make. He doesn't confer with his caddie for 10 minutes and change clubs three times before addressing the ball.

He walks up to his Pro V1, hits it and gets ready for the next shot.

All of us would be wise to copy McIlroy's picture-perfect swing. All of us also are wise enough to know we can't.

One thing we can copy is his desire to play the game quickly.

The more time under 4 hours a round can take, the more time there is for the 19th hole.

Who's No. 1?

If it's too early to say for sure that it's McIlroy, we don't really know who No. 1 is. But we know who it isn't.

Luke Donald has to be one of the great pretenders in recent sports history.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Americans aren't winning golf's majors. They aren't contending at Wimbledon, either.

Which means ... what? ... we're supposed to be ashamed to be Americans or something?

Our elected leaders do plenty to make us ashamed. What happens in our sporting venues is immaterial.

It's only sports, you know?
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Approaching life sans Chicago sports

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I already can tell that once I make the move down south, one of the strangest things for me will be not caring a lick about the Chicago teams.

Those who know me know that I never have "cared" in the same sense fans do. Whether the Cubs, Bears, White Sox, Bulls or Blackhawks win or lose never has mattered to me and never will. It wasn't my job to cheer them on or to wish them ill. When they did well, I tended to make nice. When they sucked, I was less kind.

Three decades plus in this business, and I've never understood how journalists could get close to the teams they cover. That's always seemed wrong to me.

Having said that, I have followed those Chicago teams - as well as the Illini and, to some degree, Notre Dame and Northwestern - very closely. They have been a big part of my life.

Even after the fine folks at GateHouse liberated me from full-time employment and helped me learn 100 new ways to prepare Little Friskies - I suggest a splash of white wine and a dash of coriander - I kept following the teams because, well, because I was in Chicago and I was still covering games and it was the right thing to do.

But when I'm 800 miles away and there's nary a Paulie nor Kaner in sight, how will I react? Will I still check out the Cubs-Cards box scores online? Will I be especially interested when the Bulls are on ESPN? Will I wake up in a cold sweat still hearing Bruce Weber's unmistakable screech?

Or will those teams I followed for so many years quickly fade from my realm of thought? (Literally, out of sight, out of mind?) Sixteen years of memories becoming just that: a mere memory?

As Vinny Del Zzzzzz used to say - repeatedly - it will be a process. It will take until Thanksgiving or New Year's Day or maybe even Purim ... but soon enough, I'm pretty sure I'll be forever cleansed of A.J. and Kenny and Oz (oh my).

Does that make me feel happy or sad or something in between?

Well, I'll let you know when it happens.

KO is OK ... for those who like it a little rough

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Kevin O'Neill, the coach who once told me he preferred the NBA to college hoops because, "In the NBA, I never have to lie to an 18-year-old's mother," has succeeded disgraced cheater Tim Floyd as the new guy at USC.

And those of us who know Kevin - especially the fact that Ozzie Guillen is linguistically refined in comparison - know here's what O'Neill would have to say about his new gig:

Hot bleepin' damn! I'm the new bleepin' coach at U bleepin' S bleepin' C! And anybody who don't bleepin' like it can go bleep themselves!

Trojans everywhere must be so bleepin' proud.

DePaul wins ... and other impossible ponderables

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After going 0-for-2009, DePaul stunned Cincinnati in the first round of the Big East megatourney. Wouldn't it be something if the Blue Demons win their next four games to capture the conference title and then roll to the national championship, too?

And wouldn't it be something if they played Northwestern in the NCAA title game?

And wouldn't it be something if Carlos Marmol could do to the AL pennant winner what he couldn't do to the Netherlands and close out the Cubbies' first championship in 101 years?

And wouldn't it be something if Lovie Smith would ever utter these three words: "I was wrong"?

And wouldn't it be something if Ozzie Guillen could ever utter three words that didn't include two bleeps?

And wouldn't it be something if Tony La Russa would admit that his juicing stars in Oakland and St. Louis bamboozled him?

And wouldn't it be something if Roger Clemens gets to share a cell with Blago?

And wouldn't it be something if people cared as much about their real families as they do about their fantasy teams?

And wouldn't it be something if Kerry Wood, Michael Barrett (or whoever) fessed up to smashing Sammy's boombox?

And wouldn't it be something if those commercials were right and a bald guy really could grow back a full head of hair?

And wouldn't it be something if eating a slice of Craig's Crazy Carrot Cake Cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory actually would help a guy burn off fat?

And wouldn't it be something if every TV show could be as good as The Wire was?

And wouldn't it be something if Bernard Madoff lived long enough to actually serve 150 years in prison?

And wouldn't it be something if the Dow hit 14,000 by the end of next week?

And wouldn't it be something if our elected officials could pass a stimulus bill that didn't include so much pork it's been banned by both the American Heart Association and the Society of Kosher Butchers?

And wouldn't ... wait a second ... now I'm getting ridiculous. Maybe I should just go back to something a little more realistic.

You know, like that DePaul thing.

Hoops, hoops and more hoops

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An elite eight's worth of observations from a wild (and wildly entertaining) weekend of college hoops:

1. It doesn't mean they'll win the title, of course, but the Pitt Panthers are the best team in the country. They beat UConn twice, have three big-time difference-makers and lots of fine supporting actors. And they're not coached by Dave Wannstedt.

2. Nine teams can win the national championship: Pitt, UConn, North Carolina, Duke, Oklahoma, Louisville, Michigan State, Kansas and Memphis. I'm already completely psyched for the NCAA tourney.

3. Most assume Oklahoma stud Blake Griffin will be the national player of the year, but the MVP apparently is Dominic James. Before he broke his foot, my Marquette Golden Warrior Eagles were in first place in the nation's best conference, were ranked No. 8 in the country and were 23-4. Without him, they've gone 0-4 and almost surely won't be seeded higher than sixth in the NCAAs. How could we have known that a 5-foot-10 guy who can't hit 50 percent of his free throws could be so valuable? OK, so maybe they would have lost to UConn, Louisville, Pitt and Syracuse even with James, but ...

4. The Big East is the best conference in the country - and the contest isn't close. Even after the beastly Pitt-UConn-Louisville troika, any of the next four Big East squads would have a good chance of finishing in the top two of just about any other league. I like Memphis' style and coaching ... but really, where would the Tigers have finished if they had to play a Big East schedule instead of a Conference USA schedule? 

5. There's a bigger difference between Michigan State and the rest of the Big Ten pack than there is between any other Big Six conference leader and the rest of its field. Aside from Tom Izzo's lads, the Big Ten features several solid-but-severely-flawed teams that won't survive the opening weekend of the NCAAs.

6. On the one hand ... Chris Lowery has demonstrated why coaches want to get theirs when the opportunity arises. Early in his tenure at Southern Illinois, he had great success with Matt Painter's recruits and received some overtures from major programs. Lowery stayed put - after getting himself a nice raise - and now the program is sliding backward. You have to wonder if he has any regrets about sticking around.

7. On the other hand ... Billy Gillespie had it all at Texas A&M - a huge contract, respect in an excellent league, university support and a great pipeline into his state's prep talent. But when Kentucky came a'callin', he simply had to go, right? I mean, after all, it is Kentucky! Well, there's a lot to be said about being rich, winning big and building a program in a less pressure-filled environment. Gillespie is flaming out in Kentucky, and it won't be long before they come a'callin' again - for his head. It's one of those no-win jobs; I don't know why any coach would subject himself to it.

8. Nice try, Northwestern. For a little while there, it was almost as if you were, um, someone other than Northwestern.

Northwestern? Never!

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The Bald Truth

Now that Northwestern has blown a 50-point lead in the last 2 minutes (or something like that) against Illinois, can the inexplicably hopeful Chicago media corps please stop suggesting that this might be the year the Mildcats finally make the NCAAs?

The List

Five things that will happen before Northwestern makes its NCAA hoops tourney debut:

1. America will elect another black president. And a female president. And a Jewish president. And an Albino president. And Blago president. And ... well, you get the idea.

2. The Cubs will celebrate their sixth straight World Series championship, breaking the record of the 1949-53 Yankees.

3. Phil Mickelson will beat Tiger Woods on the first playoff hole at Augusta.

4. Saying "Why bother fighting it any more?" Bud Selig will announce new rules requiring every ballplayer to take steroids, HGH, greenies and Flintstones Vitamins.

5. Everything and anything. Because Northwestern will never make the NCAAs. Never, ever, ever. OK, I'll stop trying to sugarcoat this: NEVER!

The Letter

From Wally Boller of Galesburg, Ill.: "I would like to go on the record with this prediction: Thirty minutes before the New York Jets' first game next fall, Brett Favre will drive up in a taxi, in full uniform, run out on the field and announce that he has decided not to retire after all."

And 30 minutes after that, ESPN will report that he might or might not retire after the season.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Forget all the A-Roid stuff. In what had to be the wildest baseball story of the offseason, an ex-girlfriend of Robbie Alomar filed a $15 million civil suit alleging that the likely Hall of Fame second baseman demanded unprotected sex with her for four years despite showing obvious signs that he had AIDS. Alomar has called her a liar.

I won't question the woman's sincerity because I don't know her or the circumstances, but I do wonder why she stuck around for four years.

I mean, it took abused ump John Hirschbeck only about four seconds to realize he never wanted to see Alomar again.

By the way, if my fellow BBWAA Hall of Fame voters are going to use the integrity, character and sportsmanship clauses to dismiss A-Roid and other juicers, shouldn't they give a big thumbs-down to Alomar when he becomes eligible for the next election class?

Or is inserting a syringe in one's own posterior less sportsmanlike than spitting in an umpire's face?