Sunday, April 12, 2009

Cabrera masters the art of hackery better than you and I do

The Bald Truth

One of the many reasons I love golf: Although I'm a complete hack - or, as some of my golf buddies might argue, an incomplete hack - I could beat even the world's best golfer on any given hole.

Take Angel Cabrera. On one hole, he shanked a shot sideways. On another, he skulled a simple pitch across the green. On the first playoff hole, he hit his drive into the woods and then slammed his next shot off a tree.

And he's the guy who won the Masters, beating Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson and the rest of a star-studded field.

Cabrera did hit a bunch of 300-yard-plus bombs, make some amazing recoveries to get himself out of serious jams and sink some incredible pressure putts. I might have a round in which I did one of those things one time - as I said, I'm a hack - so I never could beat Cabrera or any pro over even a short stretch.

But one hole? Sure. For example, I might have been able to avoid dunking my ball in the drink, as Mickelson did on No. 12, and thus might have beaten Phil's double bogey.

Could I ever hit Tim Lincecum's best fastball (or even his worst)? Could I ever score a basket against LeBron James if he didn't want me to? Would I have any chance to put the puck past Martin Brodeur? Would I ever be able to run away from Ray Lewis to score a touchdown?

Of course not.

And yet, even if Tiger Woods was trying to do his very, very best on a hole, I could beat him - and it wouldn't necessarily be miraculous, either. 

OK, it would be at least a little miraculous ... but you get my drift.

For all the talk of golf being the ultimate rich man's game, it really is a common man's game.

Once you get past green's fees, equipment costs and the price of Pro-V1s, that is.

The Balder Truth

Kenny Perry has a reputation of being a great guy, and he seems nice every time he's interviewed. 

It sure was easy to root for the 48-year-old to become the oldest man ever to win a major ... and it sure was easy to feel sorry for him as he choked down the stretch.

And no, it probably wasn't any consolation to him that Tiger and Phil also gagged.

Nerves can get the best of anybody - yes, even Tiger - which is one more thing these guys have in common with hacks like us.


Thank goodness, the Obamas got their dog. Now we can pay attention to Jay Cutler, American Idol, CC Sabathia, the new Star Trek movie, the Cubs, anything involving Lindsay and Britney, Shaq's Twitters and various other overhyped stuff.

I must admit, though, that I am a little disappointed with the choice of pup's name.

Bo? Really?

"Deficit" would have been both original and fitting.


  1. IF we went back to hitting rocks into rabbit holes with shelalies it would be everyman's to love those scots..say it together now...if it's not scottish it's rubbish...

  2. It's pretty rare to hit a ball 300 yds. and still be a hacker

  3. my god soto and bradley are hurt...and there is a dead goat head at wrigley...maybe the cardinals do have a chance...