Gobble, Gobble! It's Turkey of the Year time again!

^
Remember 1998? I sure do. MJ's last championship before the Jerrys broke up the Bulls Dynasty ... the Summer of Steroid Sluggers, featuring Big Mac and Sammy ... Wanny's last stand in Bear Country ... my kids excelling on the basketball court ... my dad passing away after a courageous fight against cancer ... and me starting a new phase of my journalistic career as a sports columnist.

Naturally, a lot has changed since then -- far too much to list here. For one thing, I've been a former columnist for nearly a decade now; for another, my former business has been hurtin' for years. (Those things are related, of course.) 

Anyhoo ... one thing that has endured: the annual Turkey of the Year Countdown.

This is the 20th anniversary of me carving out a list of losers, lunkheads, dopes, druggies, cheaters and chokers -- a process I began back in my first year as Chicago sports columnist for the Copley family of newspapers.

For this edition, it would have been easy to select the abusive Michigan State doctor and his enablers, or the Maryland coach who had a player die on his watch, or the sleazy d-bag who had to sell the Carolina Panthers after getting nabbed in the MeToo movement. And then there's the reality show host masquerading as president, who is such a racist jerk that athletes refuse to visit to the White House after winning championships.

But because I don't want this to be too heavy, I'll go a different direction ...

+++

Before I begin this year’s Turkey Countdown, let’s review the previous “winners” (and by that, I mean losers):

Mike McCaskey (1998); Jerry Krause (1999); Bobby Knight (2000); David Wells and Frank Thomas (2001); Dick Jauron (2002); Sammy Sosa (2003 and 2004); Andy MacPhail, Jim Hendry and Dusty Baker (2005); Aramis Ramirez (2006); Charlie Weis (2007); Choking Cubbies (2008); Milton Bradley (2009); Mark McGwire (2010); Joe Paterno and the Penn State Enablers (2011); U.S. Ryder Cup Team (2012); Alex Rodriguez (2013); Roger Goodell and Ray Rice (2014); Derrick Rose (2015); Pat McCrory (2016); Kyle Shanahan (2017).

Astute readers will note that up until 2010, each of those Turkeys did his gobbling in Chicago and/or the Midwest because that's where I was based. The "award" actually got its start under my Copley predecessor and friend, the late, great Gene Seymour. Since moving to North Carolina, I've expanded my Turkey-choosing horizons. Still, as always, I dedicate this in memory of Gene.

Now let's get to it!

15. LIONEL MESSI. I don't follow soccer, so I'll take the word of my futbol-fanboi friends who say he is one of the greatest players ever. Whatever. This mighty Argentine icon failed to score on a penalty kick as his heavily favored team couldn't even beat Iceland in the World Cup.

14. JON GRUDEN. Only days after the coach-turned-broadcaster-turned-coach traded Khalil Mack to the Bears, he had the gall to say: "Great pass rushers are hard to find." Although Gruden's Raiders have been laughingstocks, you can't say he hasn't quickly built a winner ... in Chicago.

13. PAUL GEORGE. You gotta love a guy who gives himself the nickname "Playoff P" despite pretty much sucking every time his team has played a series-deciding playoff game. This time, George missed 14 of 16 shots and committed 6 turnovers as the OKC Thunder bowed out meekly to Utah in the first round. More like "Playoff P-U!"

12. MARCUS WILLIAMS. The Saints cornerback arguably made the worst defensive play in NFL playoff history when he let Stefon Diggs score on a 61-yard catch and run (mostly run) to give the Vikings a walk-off win over the Saints. Not only did Williams whiff on Diggs, but his flying body also prevented any teammate from making a play. 

11. JAMES HARDEN. Choke much? To paraphrase one of the great sports quotes ever (courtesy of former baseball player Gary Gaetti): "It's hard to shoot the basketball when you have both hands around your throat."

10. SERGIO GARCIA & JORDAN SPIETH. In 2017, Garcia finally got the major title that had eluded him and Spieth was one of the world's great golfers. In 2018, however, they combined to miss the cut in 13 events, including 4 majors. Sergio's defense of his Masters championship ended on the first day, when he infamously dunked five shots in the drink on No. 15 to card a 13. Thirteen!!!

Still, both Garcia and Spieth did perform well in the Ryder Cup, which is more than I can say for ...

9. PHIL MICKELSON. He got benched by U.S. coach Jim Furyk after he failed in Friday foursomes. In Sunday's singles, Phil was routed by Francisco Molinari in the match that clinched the Ryder Cup for Europe. And those results weren't even the worst of it for Mickelson, who during the U.S. Open ran up to his ball while it was still moving on the green and whacked it with his putter for a 2-stroke penalty. I certainly will not be paying $19.99 to watch this washed up hacker "compete" against Tiger Woods on pay-per-view the day after Thanksgiving; heck, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't watch it if Mickelson paid me $19.99.

8. KEN GILES. The Astros reliever blew a save ... and showed his frustration by punching himself in the face. 

The closer for Houston's 2017 championship team, Giles was so bad this year that he was demoted to the minors. Then he was traded to Toronto, and he continued being horrible north of the border, too. I guess Canada shoulda built that wall!

7. JALEN RAMSEY. In a off-season interview with GQ, the Jaguars' cornerback ripped QBs such as Ben Roethlisberger, Matt Ryan, Joe Flacco and Jared Goff. Of Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers, all he would say was they they didn't suck. Fast-forward to this season; Jalen's Jags are 0-6 since a 1-3 start. And just last Sunday, Roethlisberger led the Steelers back from a late 10-point deficit to beat Jacksonville. Maybe now Ramsey will elevate Big Ben, a two-time Super Bowl winning QB, all the way up to "doesn't suck," too.

6. LeVEON BELL. The Steelers running back thought he had all the leverage, so he held out and held out and held out ... until finally deciding to skip the entire season. As it turned out, he didn't have any leverage because his replacement, James Conner, is running as well as Bell ever did for a Pittsburgh team with legitimate Super Bowl aspirations. Bell also gave up $14.5 million ... making me wonder how he hopes to feed Latrell Sprewell's family!

5. VIRGINIA HOOPSTERS. It was bad enough that Virginia found a way to lose to the University of Maryland, Baltimore County -- becoming the first No. 1 seed ever to drop an NCAA basketball tournament game to a No. 16 seed. 

Even worse, the Cavaliers were out-shot, out-rebounded, out-defended, out-coached and out-played from the opening tip to the final horn in losing to UMBC by 20 points. If you didn't know which team was seeded first overall and which was the very lowest seed, you'd have sworn that the mighty Retrievers were the better team. 

4. TY MONTGOMERY. When his Packers played the Rams on Oct. 28, Green Bay return man Montgomery was told to take a knee if he caught the kickoff in the end zone with 2 minutes left and the Packers trailing by 2 points. Instead, he tried to make a "hero" play, fumbled, and Aaron Rodgers was deprived of the opportunity to lead a winning drive. 

Montgomery was said to be upset that he was taken out of the game the previous series, but he denied his mood had anything to do with his insubordination. No matter ... the Packers lost a game they could have won, and they sent Montgomery packing 2 days later.

3. RICK PITINO. It's not all that surprising that the former Louisville coach cheated; he's always seemed like a guy who has lived on the fringe of the rule book. What is surprising is that of all the stink attached to the college game, Pitino is the only one who ended up being flushed down the toilet. He now says he wants to coach again in the NBA, where he already has failed twice.

2. LARRY FEDORA. The North Carolina football coach might merit a spot on this list even if all he did was lead the Tar Heels to a 2-8 record. But he's the runner-up gobbler because of his all-around turkeyness all year long. First, 13 UNC players under his watch were suspended for breaking NCAA rules. Then Fedora said he didn't believe the act of playing football has led young men to suffer degenerative brain disease CTE, despite it being a scientifically proven fact. He doubled-down on his idiocy by saying those who agree with science were "attacking" football -- and America itself. If the sport is weakened, he breathlessly claimed, "our country goes down, too." How does a dim bulb like Fedora keep his job at a prestigious university?

And now ... the 2018 Turkey of the Year ...

J.R. SMITH

The soon-to-be former Cleveland Cavaliers guard pulled off the most boneheaded play of 2018 ... and then compounded his boneheadedness by lying about the circumstances surrounding it.

In Game 1 of the NBA Finals -- which was tied with 4.7 seconds left in regulation thanks to the heroics of LeBron James -- Smith rebounded teammate George Hill's missed free throw. 

Rather than go right back up for what might have been the winning basket against the heavily favored Warriors, Smith inexplicably took off and dribbled rapidly toward midcourt. James frantically called for the ball, then pointed for Smith to pass to Hill in the corner and finally tried to call time out ... but alas, by then the buzzer had sounded.

In interviews after the game, Smith claimed that he knew the score was tied, but television cameras clearly showed him telling LeBron: "I thought we were ahead." (See the 18-second mark of this video.)

Naturally, the Warriors blitzed the downtrodden Cavs in overtime and then crushed them in the next three games to take their third title in four years.

LeBron, who otherwise was amazing all postseason in willing a mediocre team to the NBA Finals, didn't cover himself in glory here, either. He could have been a leader, consoled Smith and vowed to carry the Cavs to victory in OT. Instead, he sat dejectedly on the bench, didn't join the team huddle and ignored his coach's instructions.

Still, this was classic J.R. Smith, whose career has been filled with silliness. He had a miserable 2018 playoffs overall, and he has been horrible so far this season, too. At 33, he is in the twilight of his crazy career.

Smith recently asked for a trade, and it appears he'll get his wish after ripping Cavs management for tanking the season: "I don't think the goal is to win." He actually is probably right about that, but it doesn't make his boneheaded play in Game 1 of the Finals any less boneheaded.

Nor does it make him any less fitting as the choice for Turkey of the Year.
^

Perfect end to spectacular college hoops season

^
How fitting.

An incredibly entertaining title game capped a fantastic Final Four which capped a sensational NCAA tournament which capped a ridiculously competitive, enormously fun season.

Yes, I'd have been happier if Marquette was the team cutting down the nets at the end, but otherwise, I can't imagine enjoying a season more than I enjoyed this one.

From that five-week stretch in December and January in which five consecutive No. 1 teams were defeated to the monumental upsets in the first couple of tournament rounds to the emotionally draining championship game, really, who could have asked for anything more?

How about that first-half stretch Monday night in which Spike Albrecht -- an unknown Michigan freshman who came in averaging 1.8 points -- scored 17 in about 17 seconds (OK, I'm exaggerating) to give the Wolverines a 12-point lead ... only to be upstaged by Luke Hancock, who came off of Louisville's bench to score 14 straight points and totally swing momentum to his team?

"Amazing" is one of the most overused words in the English language these days, but that truly was amazing.

Were I building a college roster, I'd steal Rick Pitino's blueprint and build one just like Louisville's. A shot-blocking center who worked hard to become a fine all-around big man. Two cheetah-quick guards who can get into the lane at will and produce in the clutch. A tough, talented power forward. Several nice role players, including Hancock, who can get into the kind of 3-point zone that can carry a team.

A lot was made of the gruesome injury suffered by Kevin Ware serving as a rallying cry for Louisville. Maybe, but I say to heck with that. If I'm Pitino, I'd have much rather had Ware's services as the first guard off the bench. And yet the Cardinals overcame the absence of a very important player to prevail in two knock-down, drag-out Final Four games. Kudos to them for a championship well-deserved.

Year after year after year, the NCAA tournament is the one sporting showcase that never, ever disappoints. The Final Four always was one of my favorite things to cover, and this year's edition reminded me why.

At one point near the end of the first half Monday, just after Hancock's flurry had singlehandedly rallied Louisville, Peyton Siva threw an alley-oop pass that Montrezl Harrell slammed home for a one-point Cardinals lead.

The "l" in Montrezl is silent, but I wasn't.

Sitting alone in our family room -- my poor wife has to work in the morning and couldn't stay up to watch a game that didn't end until about midnight -- I leapt out of my La-Z-Boy and hollered, "Wow!"

Think about how many times you've watched a sporting event alone in a room and think about how many times something has happened that actually made you get up and cheer. I've been in that situation thousands of times. And this might have been the third or fourth time I've reacted that way.

That's how good that moment was.

How fitting.
^

Pitino? A slimeball? Who woulda thunk it?

^

The Bald Truth

Good for Louisville, standing by their man.

Yes, Rick Pitino is a hypocrite, a devout Catholic who more than coveted his neighbor's ass. Yes, he's a scuzball and a weasel and a liar - traits he shares with most big-time college coaches ... and, sadly, with most members of the human male population.

Believe me, I'm not excusing his behavior. All I'm asking is: What is Louisville supposed to do? Fire him?

Ridiculous.

Pitino is a basketball coach, and a damn good one. Louisville is not a religious institution, it's a basketball factory.

Pitino didn't get caught cheating to get a kid into school who didn't belong there (notice I said "didn't get caught"). He got caught cheating on his wife.

I wouldn't blame her for firing him. It would be silly and disingenuous for Louisville to do likewise.

The Numbers

35-18 ... Amount the Cubs have been outscored since Lou Piniella got the heave-ho for arguing with the umps Sunday in Colorado. (And most of the Cubs' runs were of the meaningless, end-of-blowout variety.)

0-4 ... Cubs' record since Lou got tossed.

3 ... Games the Cubs dropped to St. Louis in the standings since Lou got ejected.

Jeesh. Imagine what would have happened had the manager not fired up his troops!

The Balder Truth

Going out on the limb to say that the Cardinals will be mighty tough to beat if Matt Holliday, batting behind Albert Pujols, keeps hitting .486.

That, kiddies, is what's called an impact trade.

Game Improvement

The first time I played Beverly Country Club was in 1999. That was so long ago, my playing partner at the media event was Skip Bayless, who has gone on to do a few other notable things since he bolted from the Chicago Tribune.

The thing I remember most about that round: I played so poorly that, on the way home, I called the golf pro I know and told him I needed a lesson immediately.

I wouldn't say I was scarred for life, but if anyone asked me to name the toughest course I ever played, I answered "Beverly Country Club" without hesitation. (Bayless, a much better player than me, had a brutal time of it, too.)

Score? Please. I stopped writing it down after two holes. To be kind, I'll call it 140. I lost the dozen balls I brought with me, the sleeve of balls I was given for the event and several more golf balls I had found during the day while hunting for those I had lost.

My standard line: "There are something like 8,000 trees there, and I was behind every one of them."

Well, I'm pleased to say that they've cut down a lot of those trees to make the course more beautiful and more playable for their members. Those who compete in the USGA Senior Amateur there next month will find a stern but fair test of golf.

I got to revisit Beverly on Wednesday. This time, I shot a 101. As usual, I rarely strung two consecutive good shots together. I Watsoned an 8-foot birdie putt on my next-to-last hole and then, needing only a bogey on the last for a 99, I choked my way to a triple.

For the most part, though, my game at least vaguely resembled golf.

Oh, and I played the entire round with the same ball, which sometimes doesn't happen even when I'm mini-golfing.

So I can't wait to return to Beverly in 10 years. If my math is correct, I'm pretty much guaranteed to shoot 62.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

And speaking of golf ...

Yes, Tiger Woods has won two straight tournaments and seems to be rounding into championship form. I'll still take the field in this weekend's PGA Championship at Hazeltine.

OK, if I have to pick a name other than Eldrick, I'll go with ...

Steve Stricker to drop off the short list of greatest players never to have won a major.

He's No. 6!

^

The Bald Truth

Before Jay Cutler came along, the last Bear to wear No. 6 was Kevin Butler back in 1995. Just wait until 14 years after Cutler retires and the Bears give No. 6 to some guy named Dutler.

The Quote

"That doesn't really involve what we've gotta do in America to fix America, so it's a mute point." - Joe "The Plumber" Wurzelbacher, during an appearance on Bill Maher's HBO show.

The Old Quote Revisited

"I said I wasn’t gonna answer any more about Soriano. That’s a mute story." - Lou Piniella, getting perturbed last year when a reporter asked him about Alfonso Soriano.

The Conclusion

You know, come to think of it, I've never seen Joe The Plumber and Lou The Skipper in the same place at the same time.

The List

Five Cutler-trade-related e-mail observations from Gene Chamberlain (the former Bears beat reporter who worked with me when we were both with the Copley Newspaper group):

1. Hell froze over and pigs grew wings.

2. And for some reason, I think they'll still find a way to go 8-8 next season. They can blame it on Turner or injuries or Lovie. Or Riggleman.

3. The Bears traded a first-rounder for a QB who grew up in Indiana and was a Bears fan and got off to a great start in his career ... Rick Mirer.

4. At least this time when they traded for the QB who grew up in Indiana, they didn't make everybody go downtown for a press conference so we could watch Dave Wannstedt drink light beer with ice in it.

5. When the pressure was on last season, Cutler played the same way for Denver that Kyle Orton played for the Bears when the pressure was on. He sucked.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

When Mike Krzyzewski was talking about that very clever Risky Business Guitar Hero ad he filmed with Bobby Knight, Rick Pitino and Roy Williams, he made a reference to "Rick, Roy and Coach Knight."

Really? Is one of the great coaches ever so afraid of insulting Bobby that he feels he must kiss Bobby's ring at every opportunity? Pretty freakin' sad.