Angles, angles, angles. The media - from Internet bloggers to MTV airheads and from radio yakkers to good old-fashioned newspaper types (yes, there are a few left) - will be offering up every possible Super Bowl angle from Tampa this week.
Or will they?
The top five Super Bowl story angles that probably never will surface:
1. NFL commissioner Roger Goodell will reveal that next year's Super Bowl, originally scheduled to be played in Miami, instead will take place at Wrigley Field - where everything (even hockey) is magical (except the Cubs).
2. The most popular interview subject at Tuesday's media day will be Jesus, who will explain he has no time to deal with disease, famine, war, genocide, dirty governors and other inconsequential stuff because he's too busy taking care of Kurt Warner.
3. Displaying his altruistic side, Edgerrin James will take his once-famous gold teeth out of storage, turn them in for cash and use the money to feed 12,000 needy Phoenix-area families.
4. Deciding to settle the "who's the best safety?" argument once and for all, Ed Reed and Troy Polamalu will stage an interception contest ... with Rex Grossman as the designated quarterback.
5. Eager to give Pittsburgh a top-flight pro sports team all year 'round, Steelers owner Dan Rooney Sr. will announce that his squad will replace the Pirates at PNC Park from April to October. "Really," Rooney will say, "would the Pirates win any less with Big Ben pitching to Hines Ward than they did with Ian Snell throwing to Ronny Paulino?"
The Bald Truth
Rookie Bulls coach Vinny Del Excuse can't whine enough about injuries to role players such as Drew Gooden and Kirk Hinrich.
What will his excuse be if the team finishes behind the Bucks, who will spend the rest of the season dealing with the absence of All-Star and Olympian Michael Redd?
The Balder Truth
Chicago baseball fans should circle April 13 on their calendars.
One week after First White Sox Fan Obama will have thrown out the season's ceremonial opening pitch at U.S. Comiskular Park (at least the Sox hope so), Cubbie Lover Blago will do the same at Wrigley Field.
Unless, of course, he's in handcuffs.
THE BALDEST TRUTH
Obviously, I'm very pleased my Marquette Golden Warrior Eagles - the No. 8 team in all the land! - went into the Joyce Center and took down Notre Dame.
As impressed as I was with Jerel McNeal and the rest of the lads, though, I came away even more amazed by Irish center Luke Harangody.
An all-but-unstoppable bruiser under the basket, the guy has developed an outstandingly accurate - albeit highly unorthodox - jump shot. He also is a rebounding machine.
He'd get my national player of the year vote today. There certainly isn't anybody who can convince me he's anything less than the best big man in college basketball.
It's close, but he's even better than Blake Griffin - I'm talking as a collegian, not as a pro prospect. As for Tyler Hansbrough, who does less than Harangody despite getting far more help from his teammates, it really isn't very close.