Bald Oscar Truths

It used to be enough trouble to go see all five movies nominated for Oscars and now they've doubled the candidates. Jeesh. Do I look like I'm made of stale popcorn?

It's like the NHL playoffs used to be in the '80s, when 16 of the 21 teams qualified. I mean, pretty much every film has been nominated for something this year except ... well ... the film I liked best in 2009:

Big Fan. (Rent it today if you haven't seen it already. Really.)

Oh well. I did see all 10 candidates and lots of other movies, too. So without further ado, here are this year's bald Oscar choices. (Remember, these are not predictions. These are the winners this regular-guy movie fan would pick. In other words, these are the right choices!)

BEST ACTOR

Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart.

In a rout. This is so one-sided, it's like LeBron when he was in high school.

BEST ACTRESS

Gabourey Sidibe, Precious.

I saw four of the five candidates and liked three very much. Didn't see Meryl Streep but assume she was good, as always. And I laugh that Sandra Bullock actually was nominated for The Blind Side. Sidibe had the most complex role and pulled it off beautifully.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

No choice.

I didn't see the majority of the candidates - but I did like both Christopher Plummer in The Last Station and Christoph Waltz in Inglorious Basterds, for what it's worth.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Mo'Nique, Precious.

She dominated every moment she was on the screen. Maggie Gyllenhaal is an Oscar-worthy actress? Really? What are they gonna try to get us to believe next ... that she's Batman's girlfriend or something?

BEST PICTURE

First, let's eliminate the five films that had no business being nominated, thereby bringing the number to the traditional five: The Blind Side, Up, District 9, An Education, Up in the Air.

There. That wasn't too difficult. I actually enjoyed all five of those to various degrees, but they simply weren't as good as the remaining five.

The countdown ...

5. The Hurt Locker. Many friends of mine didn't really like this movie but I found it riveting, original and well written.

4. A Serious Man. The Coen brothers make a funny/sad film about a Jewish shlub. Oy, that's entertainment.

3. Avatar. You know it's not really sci-fi if my wife dug it even more than I did. 3D is back, baby!

2. Precious. The acting was perfect and the story was gripping. Frankly, we need more movies like this.

And my Best Picture Oscar goes to ...

Inglorious Basterds.

Let me tell you, I went into the theater with great trepidation because the plot I'd heard about seemed, well, stupid. But of the 10 nominated flicks, there wasn't one I enjoyed from beginning to end more than this Tarantino romp.

Raunchy, crazy, vile, goofy, memorable and fun. And, as a bonus, Nazis get tortured throughout. Hey, what's not to like?