My contract demands would be too high anyway

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Josh McCown was an assistant high school football coach until just before Thanksgiving, when the Bears -- desperate after Jay Cutler got hurt -- called him, auditioned him and signed him.

And now, due to Caleb Hanie's abject failure as Cutler's replacement (once again, everybody loves the backup QB until he actually has to play!), McCown is Chicago's starting quarterback.

McCown's first assignment is merely a Christmas night game in Green Bay on national television against the NFL's best team. He'll be playing behind one of the league's most porous offensive lines and without several injured teammates, including stud tailback Matt Forte.

Given a similar situation, I would have to think twice if some NBA team wants to pluck me from the ranks of assistant junior-high basketball coach.

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Stevie Johnson = clown; Caleb Hanie = dud

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My favorite sports story from the weekend has to be Bills receiver Stevie Johnson catching a TD pass, doing a celebration that mocked convicted felon Plaxico Burress and then suffering the consequences.

First, Johnson was penalized 15 yards for his silliness, a penalty that directly led to a Jets TD -- by Burress, no less.

Then, with the Bills desperately trying to drive for the winning score, Johnson dropped a perfectly thrown long pass that hit him right in the hands.

Finally, with one last chance to redeem himself, Johnson failed to make what would have been a very nice play on a catchable ball in the end zone.

Karma is a bitch.

Oh, and Johnson later said that when he pretended to shoot himself in the leg, he really wasn't trying to mock Burress' infamous nightclub-gun-fun episode. Oy.

Look, I like TD celebrations. Many are fun and clever -- and most are no more disruptive or planned than the Lambeau Leap.

If you're gonna do them, however, you have to own them. You can't later deny your intentions. More than anything else, you have to be good enough to back up your actions with deeds on the field.

Little Stevie, as immature as his name suggests, failed on all counts.

----

And speaking of failing ...

For all those who really think the Bears would be better off without Jay Cutler, well, may I present to you ... Caleb Hanie.

NFL executives screw up sometimes. For example, nobody drafted Kurt Warner. Not many other QBs who weren't drafted at all even have played a down in the league, let alone been any good.

What I'm trying to say is that Hanie wasn't drafted for a reason.

I don't particularly like Cutler, one of the more overrated, overhyped guys in recent Chicago sports history. But at least he's got viable NFL quarterbacking skills.

Frankly, I'm amazed the Bears were able to stay as close to the Raiders as they did.

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Hey, Cutler critics ... karma can be a bitch

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Jay Cutler is an overrated, coach-killing diva who never has been a winner at any significant level.

And you know what else he is? A victim.

Think what you want about Cutler -- I already have shared my thoughts in the first paragraph -- but he doesn't deserve to be the target of abuse by couch-potato doctor-wannabes who are questioning his pain tolerance and manhood.

Cutler has taken a beating for two years behind the horrid offensive line his GM and coach put in front of him. He has gotten up nearly every time, never once publicly questioning his bosses or teammates. And yet when he left Sunday's playoff loss to a superior Packers team with a knee problem, thousands -- maybe even millions -- of people immediately questioned his toughness and his willingness to fight through adversity.

Fellow NFL players (such as Darnell Dockett, an admitted criminal during his Florida State days) and ex-jocks (such as Deion Sanders, who for his entire career was afraid to tackle anybody bigger than he was) quickly tweeted their thoughts.

Their theme: Jay Cutler is a wimp who has no heart.

Ten years ago, big-league blowhard David Wells accused White Sox teammate Frank Thomas of jaking it ... only to learn shortly thereafter that Thomas had suffered a season-ending shoulder injury requiring major surgery. Karma was a bitch; Wells had a brutally bad season full of physical woes.

Five years ago, folks within and outside the Cubs organization accused Mark Prior of giving in to small aches and pains ... only to learn that Prior was suffering from injuries that might have been misdiagnosed and very possibly were caused by the Cubs over-using him.

And now we have NFL players -- who should know better -- not to mention many idiot fans accusing Cutler of being a pussy and a quitter.

In the regular-season finale three weeks ago, Lovie Smith chose to play Cutler the entire game even though it was completely meaningless to the Bears. It wasn't meaningless to the Packers, however, who used the occasion to beat the QB's alleged protectors over and over again en route to beating Cutler to a pulp.

Instead of quitting that day, Cutler kept getting up. Later, he defended Lovie's decision and his offensive line's ability.

But now, on Sunday, in a game he desperately wanted to win to prove he could be an impact player at the highest level, Cutler simply took a pass?

Please.

Were I a Bears fan, I'd be upset that Cutler played like doo-doo before he got hurt, missing an open Devin Hester three times on what could have been huge plays. I'd be livid that the team's braintrust thought Todd Collins was a viable NFL backup. I'd be spittin' mad that Mike Martz called that ridiculous end-around to kill a potential tying drive in a game the Bears had no business winning.

Oh, and I'd temper my enthusiasm about third-stringer Caleb Hanie, who did his darnedest to rally the troops but also threw two interceptions, including one that was taken in for a TD by a 400-pound lineman.

What I wouldn't be doing is questioning the toughness of Jay Cutler or any other player without knowing some facts.

I know, I know: In this Internet age, "fact" is the ultimate four-letter f-word, to be avoided at all costs.

Why worry about facts when we can be instant, brainless twits, right Neon Deion?
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