I am shocked -- shocked! -- that the University of Miami, famous for putting academics ahead of football, would get embroiled in an extra-benefits scandal that would see its freckle-faced young lads receive cash, cars, travel, hookers and miscellaneous other $alacious $tuff from boo$ters.
Moreover, I am stunned -- stunned! -- that this could happen at any American institution of higher education. After all, mustn't we always refer to these lads as student-athletes?
I mean, what next? Some of these lads might not graduate magna cum laude?