Lights ... camera ... Blackhawks!

^

The Bald Truth

This is going to have to be short and quick because I'm exhausted after watching the Blackhawks advance to the Western Conference finals with Monday's wild 7-5 win over the Canucks at the United Center.

The last time a large gathering of hockey players scored that often and quickly, Elisha Cuthbert was in the room.

Anyway, congrats to the young Blackhawks, the rare Chicago sports franchise that actually wins in the postseason these days.

Oh, Goodie ...

Now everybody who once stepped foot within a 300-mile radius of Chicago can claim to be a lifelong Blackhawks fan.

The Balder Truth

According to one report, Mark Cuban told Kenyon Martin's mom that the Nuggets player is a "thug." According to another, the mouthy Mavs owner called Martin a "punk."

Semantics, semantics.

According to my sources, Cuban actually called Martin a "fine young gentleman."

There. Am I back in the will, Uncle Mark?

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Hey, Jose Contreras, you left some massive, formless object behind in Chicago.

Oh wait. That's Bartolo Colon. Never mind.