Urlacher's bald head is unfair advantage in sexy-athlete competition

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The Bald Truth

This e-mail, from the Bulls, was a pleasant diversion from the normal humdrum fare I usually get in my in-box:

VICTORIA'S SECRET NAMES DERRICK ROSE AS

“WHAT’S SEXY NOW CHICAGO” NOMINEE

Model Marisa Miller to present Rose with his nomination Thurs. at the Berto Center

WHO: Derrick Rose, Bulls Guard

Marisa Miller, Model and Victoria's Secret Angel

WHAT: After practice on Thursday, Victoria's Secret Angel Marisa Miller will make a special appearance to present Derrick Rose with his Victoria's Secret “What’s Sexy Now Chicago Athlete” nomination.

Rose will compete for the award against the Bears' Brian Urlacher and the Blackhawks' Patrick Sharp.

To cast your vote and see the full list of Chicago nominees, visit VSChicago.com, celebrating all things sexy in Chicago.

This event is taking place in conjunction with the opening of the new Victoria's Secret flagship store located at 734 N. Michigan Avenue on Thursday.

The List

Five events in which Rose, Urlacher and Sharp will compete as they vie for the "What's Sexy Now Chicago Athlete" honor:

5. Looking sexy in stylish glasses while taking the SAT. (That's a college entrance exam, Derrick, in case you never heard of it.)

4. Most sex leading to children fathered. (Wait ... I think Urlacher has this one clinched.)

3. Swimsuit competition. (No thongs. Please! No! Thongs!)

2. Sexiest pout while demanding a new contract. (Urlacher is the overwhelming favorite because he has so much practice.)

1. Ice-Dancing with the Stars. (Hey, Sharp deserves to have one event he can win.)

The Balder Truth

If it seems strange that 47-year-old Chris Chelios has signed to play in the minors for the Chicago Wolves, just remember this:

He's not even 7 in wolf years.

The Quote

"We're two plays away from being 5-0." - Robbie Gould, Tuesday on WSCR-AM.

Yep. And his Bears are two plays away from being 1-4, too, but we won't talk about those.

3-2 ... that seems just about right for Lovie's Lads.

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Thanks to a new iPhone application costing a mere $4.99, fans of Chad Ochocinco can keep tabs on the Bengals receiver's tweets and such. As a bonus, the AP story says, "They can ask his device on dating or anything else."

Oooh! Oooh! Me first!

"Mr. Ochocinco, is it best to kiss a girl before or after I whisper sweet trash-talk in her ear?"