DePaul wins ... and other impossible ponderables

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After going 0-for-2009, DePaul stunned Cincinnati in the first round of the Big East megatourney. Wouldn't it be something if the Blue Demons win their next four games to capture the conference title and then roll to the national championship, too?

And wouldn't it be something if they played Northwestern in the NCAA title game?

And wouldn't it be something if Carlos Marmol could do to the AL pennant winner what he couldn't do to the Netherlands and close out the Cubbies' first championship in 101 years?

And wouldn't it be something if Lovie Smith would ever utter these three words: "I was wrong"?

And wouldn't it be something if Ozzie Guillen could ever utter three words that didn't include two bleeps?

And wouldn't it be something if Tony La Russa would admit that his juicing stars in Oakland and St. Louis bamboozled him?

And wouldn't it be something if Roger Clemens gets to share a cell with Blago?

And wouldn't it be something if people cared as much about their real families as they do about their fantasy teams?

And wouldn't it be something if Kerry Wood, Michael Barrett (or whoever) fessed up to smashing Sammy's boombox?

And wouldn't it be something if those commercials were right and a bald guy really could grow back a full head of hair?

And wouldn't it be something if eating a slice of Craig's Crazy Carrot Cake Cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory actually would help a guy burn off fat?

And wouldn't it be something if every TV show could be as good as The Wire was?

And wouldn't it be something if Bernard Madoff lived long enough to actually serve 150 years in prison?

And wouldn't it be something if the Dow hit 14,000 by the end of next week?

And wouldn't it be something if our elected officials could pass a stimulus bill that didn't include so much pork it's been banned by both the American Heart Association and the Society of Kosher Butchers?

And wouldn't ... wait a second ... now I'm getting ridiculous. Maybe I should just go back to something a little more realistic.

You know, like that DePaul thing.