Managing to seem idiotic

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The Bald Truth

Lou is No. 1! Ozzie is No. 2!  And apparently, if they were managers, then would come Kim Jong-il, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Satan.

According to a Sports Illustrated survey of 380 ballplayers, Lou Piniella was chosen as the worst guy to play for (26 percent), followed by Ozzie Guillen (21 percent).

"I take that as a compliment," Lou said.

I take it for what it is - silliness. 

Ever since Piniella became the Cubbie skipper, players from every corner of the baseball world - even Japan - have begged to join Lou's Lovable Losers. Maybe it's despite him, maybe it's not, but they sure have wanted to take the Cubs' money to be on Lou's crew.

What is supposed to be so bad about Piniella anyway? He's certainly not the kind of guy who constantly gets on his players. Yeah, he called Milton Bradley "a piece of (poo)" last week. And yeah, he has given up on Stevie Ire and a few other guys. 

Mostly, though, he has been a big-time enabler. He has threatened to make changes but hasn't done so; instead, he has taken to making excuses for his players and his team. 

Fact is, Piniella's biggest fault has been that he's become too little like the Lou who threatened to kick Rob Dibble's butt and too much of a 65-year-old teddy bear.

As for Ozzie, he'd be near the top of my list of manager's I'd most like to play for. I'd know that as long as I show up on time and play hard, he'd have my back. And even if I sucked, he'd say so much goofy stuff that the headlines would be about his outrageousness and not my suckiness.

Oh, and Joe Torre finished fourth in the survey. Not only is he one of the all-time good guys, but he's a four-time champion who hasn't missed the playoffs since Clinton's first term.

Yeah, who'd want to play for a bum like that?

The Balder Truth

Scuttlebutt says Larry Brown had so much fun coaching Allen Iverson in Philly that he's ready for one more go-'round with AI in Charlotte.

Which leads to these two all-important questions:

Practice? You talkin' 'bout practice?

THE BALDEST TRUTH

Boy, the rest of the National League sure will be in deep doo-doo as soon as The Great DeRosa actually gets a hit!